Текст книги "William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition"

Автор книги: William Shakespeare

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1.2 Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple, ⌈from dinner⌉

EVANS Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius’ house which is the way. And there dwells one Mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his ’oman, or his dry-nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer.

SIMPLE Well, sir.

EVANS Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter, for it is a ’oman that altogethers acquaintance with Mistress Anne Page. And the letter is to desire and require her to solicit your master’s desires to Mistress Anne Page. I pray you be gone. ⌈Exit Simple⌉ I will make an end of my dinner; there’s pippins and cheese to come. Exit

1.3 Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nim, Pistol, and Robin

SIR JOHN Mine Host of the Garter!

Enter the Host of the Garter

HOST What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and wisely.

SIR JOHN Truly, mine Host, I must turn away some of my followers.

HOST Discard, bully Hercules, cashier. Let them wag. Trot, trot.

SIR JOHN I sit at ten pounds a week.

HOST Thou’rt an emperor: Caesar, kaiser, and pheezer. I will entertain Bardolph. He shall draw, he shall tap. Said I well, bully Hector? 11

SIR JOHN Do so, good mine Host.

HOST I have spoke; let him follow. (To Bardolph) Let me see thee froth and lime. I am at a word: follow. Exit

SIR JOHN Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade. An old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered servingman a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.

BARDOLPH It is a life that I have desired. I will thrive.

⌈Exit⌉

PISTOL

O base Hungarian wight, wilt thou the spigot wield?

NIM He was gotten in drink; his mind is not heroic. Is not the humour conceited?

SIR JOHN I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox. His thefts were too open. His filching was like an unskilful singer: he kept not time.

Him The good humour is to steal at a minute’s rest.

PISTOL

‘Convey’ the wise it call. ‘Steal’? Foh, a fico for the

phrase!

SIR JOHN Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.

PISTOL Why then, let kibes ensue.

SIR JOHN There is no remedy: I must cony-catch, I must shift.

PISTOL Young ravens must have food.

SIR JOHN Which of you know Ford of this town?

PISTOL I ken the wight. He is of substance good.

SIR JOHN My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.

PISTOL Two yards and more.

SIR JOHN No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about. But I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford’s wife. I spy entertainment in her. She discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation. I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is ‘I am Sir John Falstaff’s’.

PISTOL He hath studied her well, and translated her will: out of honesty, into English.

NIM The anchor is deep. Will that humour pass?

SIR JOHN Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband’s purse; he hath a legion of angels.

PISTOL

As many devils entertain, and ‘To her, boy!’ say I.

NIM The humour rises; it is good. Humour me the angels!

SIR JOHN (showing letters) I have writ me here a letter to her—and here another to Page’s wife, who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly.

PISTOL

Then did the sun on dunghill shine.

NIM I thank thee for that humour.

SIR JOHN O, she did so course o’er my exteriors, with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here’s another letter to her. She bears the purse too. She is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me. They shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. (Giving a letter to Pistol) Go bear thou this letter to Mistress Page, (giving a letter to Nim) and thou this to Mistress Ford. We will thrive, lads, we will thrive.

PISTOL (returning the letter)

Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,

And by my side wear steel? Then Lucifer take all.

NIM (returning the letter) I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour-letter. I will keep the haviour of reputation.

SIR JOHN (to Robin)

Hold, sirrah. Bear you these letters tightly.

Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.

He gives Robin the letters

Rogues, hence, avaunt! Vanish like hailstones! Go!

Trudge, plod, away o’th’ hoof, seek shelter, pack!

Falstaff will learn the humour of the age:

French thrift, you rogues—myself and skirted page.

Exeunt Sir John and Robin

PISTOL

Let vultures gripe thy guts!—for gourd and fullam

holds,

And high and low beguiles the rich and poor.

Tester I’ll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,

Base Phrygian Turk!

NIM

I have operations which be humours of revenge.

PISTOL

Wilt thou revenge?

NIM By welkin and her stars!

PISTOL

With wit or steel?

NIM With both the humours, I.

I will discuss the humour of this love to Ford.

PISTOL

And I to Page shall eke unfold

How Falstaff, varlet vile,

His dove will prove, his gold will hold,

And his soft couch defile.

NIM My humour shall not cool. I will incense Ford to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness; for this revolt of mine is dangerous. That is my true humour.

PISTOL

Thou art the Mars of malcontents.

I second thee. Troop on. Exeunt

1.4 Enter Mistress Quickly and Simple

MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby!

Enter John Rugby

I pray thee, go to the casement and see if you can see

my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do,

i’faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an

old abusing of God’s patience and the King’s English.

RUGBY I’ll go watch.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Go; and we’ll have a posset for’t soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a seacoal fire.

Exit Rugby

An honest, willing, kind fellow as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no telltale, nor no breedbate. His worst fault is that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way—but nobody but has his fault. But let that pass. Peter Simple you say your name is?

SIMPLE Ay, for fault of a better.

MISTRESS QUICKLY And Master Slender’s your master ?

SIMPLE Ay, forsooth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover’s paring-knife?

SIMPLE No, forsooth; he hath but a little whey face, with a little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.

MISTRESS QUICKLY A softly spirited man, is he not?

SIMPLE Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head. He hath fought with a warrener.

MISTRESS QUICKLY How say you?—O, I should remember him: does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?

SIMPLE Yes, indeed does he.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master. Anne is a good girl, and I wish—

Enter Rugby

RUGBY Out, alas, here comes my master! ⌈Exit⌉

MISTRESS QUICKLY We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; for God’s sake, go into this closet. He will not stay long.

Simple steps into the closet

What, John Rugby! John! What, John, I say!

⌈Enter Rugby⌉

⌈Speaking loudly⌉ Go, John, go enquire for my master. I

doubt he be not well, that he comes not home.

⌈Exit Rugby⌉

(Singing) ’And down, down, adown-a’ (etc.)

Enter Doctor Caius

CAIUS Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you go and vetch me in my closet un boîtier vert—a box, a green-a box. Do intend vat I speak? A green-a box.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth, I’ll fetch it you. (Aside) I am glad he went not in himself. If he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad.

She goes to fetch the box

CAIUS Fe, fe, fe, fe! Ma foi, il fait fort chaud! Je m’en vais à la cour. La grande affaire.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Is it this, sir?

CAIUS Oui. Mets-le à ma pochette. Dépêche, quickly! Vere is dat knave Rugby?

MISTRESS QUICKLY What, John Rugby! John!

⌈Enter Rugby⌉

RUGBY Here, sir.

CAIUS You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.

RUGBY ’Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.

He fetches the rapier

CAIUS By my trot, I tarry too long. ’Od’s me, qu’ai-j’oublié? Dere is some simples in my closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.

MISTRESS QUICKLY (aside) Ay me, he’ll find the young man there, and be mad.

CAIUS (discovering Simple) O diable, diable! Vat is in my closet? Villainy, larron! Rugby, my rapier!

He takes the rapier

MISTRESS QUICKLY Good master, be content.

CAIUS Wherefore shall I be content-a?

MISTRESS QUICKLY The young man is an honest man.

CAIUS What shall de honest man do in my closet? Dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.

MISTRESS QUICKLY I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.

CAIUS Vell.

SIMPLE Ay, forsooth, to desire her to—

MISTRESS QUICKLY Peace, I pray you.

CAIUS Peace-a your tongue. (To Simple) Speak-a your tale.

SIMPLE To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my master in the way of marriage.

MISTRESS QUICKLY This is all, indeed, la; but I’ll ne’er put my finger in the fire an need not.

CAIUS Sir Hugh send-a you?—Rugby, baile me some paper.

Rugby brings paper

(To Simple) Tarry you a little-a while.

Caius writes

MISTRESS QUICKLY (aside to Simple) I am glad he is so quiet. If he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I’ll do your master what good I can. And the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master—I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house, and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself—

SIMPLE (aside to Mistress Quickly) ’Tis a great charge to come under one body’s hand.

MISTRESS QUICKLY (aside to Simple) Are you advised o’ that? You shall find it a great charge—and to be up early, and down late. But notwithstanding, to tell you in your ear—I would have no words of it—my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page. But notwithstanding that, I know Anne’s mind: that’s neither here nor there.

CAIUS (giving the letter to Simple) You, jack’nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh. By Gar, it is a shallenge. I will cut his troat in de Park, and I will teach a scurvy jackanape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone. It is not good you tarry here. By Gar, I will cut all his two stones. By Gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog. Exit Simple

MISTRESS QUICKLY Alas, he speaks but for his friend. CAIUS It is no matter-a ver dat. Do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By Gar, I vill kill de jack-priest. And I have appointed mine Host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By Gar, I will myself have Anne Page.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate, what the goodyear!

CAIUS Rugby, come to the court with me. (To Mistress Quickly) By Gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby.

MISTRESS QUICKLY You shall have Anne—

Exeunt Caius and Rugby

–ass-head of your own. No, I know Anne’s mind for

that. Never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne’s

mind than I do, nor can do more than I do with her,

I thank heaven.

FENTON (within) Who’s within there, ho!

MISTRESS QUICKLY Who’s there, I trow?—Come near the house, I pray you.

Enter Master Fenton

FENTON How now, good woman, how dost thou?

MISTRESS QUICKLY The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.

FENTON What news? How does pretty Mistress Anne?

MISTRESS QUICKLY In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle, and one that is your friend. I can tell you that by the way, I praise heaven for it.

FENTON Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit?

MISTRESS QUICKLY Troth, sir, all is in His hands above. But notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I’ll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?

FENTON Yes, marry, have I. What of that?

MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, thereby hangs a tale. Good faith, it is such another Nan!—But I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread.—We had an hour’s talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid’s company.—But indeed she is given too much to allicholy and musing.—But for you—well—go to!

FENTON Well, I shall see her today. Hold, there’s money for thee. Let me have thy voice in my behalf. If thou seest her before me, commend me.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Will I? I’faith, that I will. And I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence, and of other wooers.

FENTON Well, farewell. I am in great haste now.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Farewell to your worship.

Exit Fenton

Truly, an honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not,

for I know Anne’s mind as well as another does.—Out

upon’t, what have I forgot? Exit

2.1 Enter Mistress Page, with a letter

MISTRESS PAGE What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see.

She reads

‘Ask me no reason why I love you, for though Love use Reason for his precision, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young; no more am I. Go to, then, there’s sympathy. You are merry; so am I. Ha, ha, then, there’s more sympathy. You love sack, and so do I. Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page, at the least if the love of soldier can suffice, that I love thee. I will not say “pity me”—’tis not a soldier-like phrase—but I say “love me”.

By me, thine own true knight,

By day or night

Or any kind of light, 15

With all his might

For thee to fight,

John Falstaff.’

What a Herod of Jewry is this! O, wicked, wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish drunkard picked, i’th’ devil’s name, out of my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my company. What should I say to him? was then frugal of my mirth, heaven forgive me. Why, I’ll exhibit a bill in the Parliament for the putting down of men. O God, that I knew how to be revenged on him! For revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

Enter Mistress Ford

MISTRESS FORD Mistress Page! By my faith, I was going to your house.

MISTRESS PAGE And by my faith, I was coming to you. You look very ill.

MISTRESS FORD Nay, I’ll ne’er believe that: I have to show to the contrary.

MISTRESS PAGE Faith, but you do, in my mind.

MISTRESS FORD Well, I do, then. Yet I say I could show you to the contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel.

MISTRESS PAGE What’s the matter, woman?

MISTRESS FORD O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I could come to such honour!

MISTRESS PAGE Hang the trifle, woman; take the honour. What is it? Dispense with trifles. What is it?

MISTRESS FORD If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted.

MISTRESS PAGE What? Thou liest! Sir Alice Ford? These knights will hack, and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.

MISTRESS FORD We burn daylight. Here: read, read.

She gives Mistress Page a letter

Perceive how I might be knighted.

Mistress Page reads

I shall think the worse of fat men as long as I have an eye to make difference of men’s liking. And yet he would not swear, praised women’s modesty, and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words. But they do no more adhere and keep place together than the hundred and fifty psalms to the tune of ‘Greensleeves’. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?

MISTRESS PAGE Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs.

She gives Mistress Ford her letter

To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here’s the twin brother of thy letter. But let thine inherit first, for I protest mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names—sure, more, and these are of the second edition. He will print them, out of doubt—for he cares not what he puts into the press when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

MISTRESS FORD Why, this is the very same: the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us?

MISTRESS PAGE Nay, I know not. It makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I’ll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.

MISTRESS FORD ’Boarding’ call you it? I’ll be sure to keep him above deck.

MISTRESS PAGE So will I. If he come under my hatches, I’ll never to sea again. Let’s be revenged on him. Let’s appoint him a meeting, give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay till he hath pawned his horses to mine Host of the Garter.

MISTRESS FORD Nay, I will consent to act any villainy against him that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O that my husband saw this letter! It would give eternal food to his jealousy.

Enter Master Ford with Pistol, and Master Page with Nim

MISTRESS PAGE Why, look where he comes, and my goodman too. He’s as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.

MISTRESS FORD You are the happier woman.

MISTRESS PAGE Let’s consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither.

They withdraw.

FORD Well, I hope it be not so.

PISTOL

Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs.

Sir John affects thy wife.

FORD Why, sir, my wife is not young.

PISTOL

He woos both high and low, both rich and poor,

Both young and old, one with another, Ford.

He loves the gallimaufry, Ford. Perpend.

FORD Love my wife?

PISTOL

With liver burning hot. Prevent,

Or go thou like Sir Actaeon, he,

With Ringwood at thy heels.

O, odious is the name!

FORD What name, sir?

PISTOL The horn, I say. Farewell.

Take heed; have open eye; for thieves do foot by night.

Take heed ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do

sing.—

Away, Sir Corporal Nim!—Believe it, Page; he speaks

sense. Exit

FORD (aside) I will be patient. I will find out this.

NIM (to Page) And this is true. I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours. I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife. There’s the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nim. I speak and I avouch ’tis true.

My name is Nim, and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu.

I love not the humour of bread and cheese. Adieu.

Exit

PAGE (aside) The humour of it, quoth a? Here’s a fellow frights English out of his wits.

FORD (aside) I will seek out Falstaff.

PAGE (aside) I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.

FORD (aside) If I do find it—well.

PAGE (aside) I will not believe such a Cathayan though the priest o’th’ town commended him for a true man.

FORD (aside) ’Twas a good, sensible fellow. Well.

Mistress Page and Mistress Ford come forward

PAGE How now, Meg?

MISTRESS PAGE Whither go you, George? Hark you.

They talk apart

MISTRESS FORD How now, sweet Frank? Why art thou melancholy?

FORD I melancholy? I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.

MISTRESS FORD Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head now. Will you go, Mistress Page?

MISTRESS PAGE Have with you.—You’ll come to dinner, George?

Enter Mistress Quickly

(Aside to Mistress Ford) Look who comes yonder. She shall be our messenger to this paltry knight.

MISTRESS FORD (aside to Mistress Page) Trust me, I thought on her. She’ll fit it.

MISTRESS PAGE (to Mistress Quickly) You are come to see my daughter Anne?

MISTRESS QUICKLY Ay, forsooth; and I pray how does good Mistress Anne?

MISTRESS PAGE Go in with us and see. We have an hour’s talk with you.

Exeunt Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Mistress Quickly

PAGE How now, Master Ford?

FORD You heard what this knave told me, did you not?

PAGE Yes, and you heard what the other told me?

FORD Do you think there is truth in them?

PAGE Hang ’em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it. But these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men—very rogues, now they be out of service.

FORD Were they his men?

PAGE Marry, were they.

FORD I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter?

PAGE Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage toward my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head.

FORD I do not misdoubt my wife, but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident. I would have nothing lie on my head. I cannot be thus satisfied.

Enter the Host of the Garter

PAGE Look where my ranting Host of the Garter comes. There is either liquor in his pate or money in his purse when he looks so merrily.—How now, mine Host?

HOST God bless you, bully rook, God bless you! Thou’rt a gentleman.

Enter Shallow

Cavaliero Justice, I say!

SHALLOW I follow, mine Host, I follow.—Good even and twenty, good Master Page. Master Page, will you go with us? We have sport in hand.

HOST Tell him, Cavaliero Justice, tell him, bully rook.

SHALLOW Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh, the Welsh priest, and Caius, the French doctor.

FORD Good mine Host o’th’ Garter, a word with you.

HOST What sayst thou, my bully rook?

They talk apart

SHALLOW (to Page) Will you go with us to behold it? My merry Host hath had the measuring of their weapons, and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places. For, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.

They talk apart

HOST (to Ford) Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest cavaliero?

⌈FORD⌉ None, I protest. But I’ll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him my name is Brooke—only for a jest.

HOST My hand, bully. Thou shalt have egress and regress—said I well?—and thy name shall be Brooke. It is a merry knight. (To Shallow and Page) Will you go, mijn’heers?

SHALLOW Have with you, mine Host.

PAGE I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier.

SHALLOW Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance—your passes, stoccados, and I know not what. ‘Tis the heart, Master Page; ⌈showing his rapier-passes⌉ ’tis here, ’tis here. I have seen the time with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.

HOST Here, boys; here, here! Shall we wag?

PAGE Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight. Exeunt Host, Shallow, and Page

FORD Though Page be a secure fool and stands so firmly on his wife’s frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily. She was in his company at Page’s house, and what they made there I know not. Well, I will look further into’t; and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour. If she be otherwise, ’tis labour well bestowed. Exit