Текст книги "William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition"

Автор книги: William Shakespeare

сообщить о нарушении

Текущая страница: 103 (всего у книги 250 страниц)

2.2 Enter Prince Harry and Poins

PRINCE HARRY Before God, I am exceeding weary.

POINS Is’t come to that? I had thought weariness durst not have attached one of so high blood.

PRINCE HARRY Faith, it does me, though it discolours the complexion of my greatness to acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in me to desire small beer?

POINS Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied as to remember so weak a composition.

PRINCE HARRY Belike then my appetite was not princely got; for, by my troth, I do now remember the poor creature small beer. But indeed, these humble considerations make me out of love with my greatness. What a disgrace is it to me to remember thy name! Or to know thy face tomorrow! Or to take note how many pair of silk stockings thou hast—videlicet these, and those that were thy peach-coloured ones! Or to bear the inventory of thy shirts—as one for superfluity, and another for use. But that the tennis-court keeper knows better than I, for it is a low ebb of linen with thee when thou keepest not racket there; as thou hast not done a great while, because the rest of thy low countries have made a shift to eat up thy holland.

POINS How ill it follows, after you have laboured so hard, you should talk so idly! Tell me, how many good young princes would do so, their fathers lying so sick as yours is?

PRINCE HARRY Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?

POINS Yes, faith, and let it be an excellent good thing.

PRINCE HARRY It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than thine.

POINS Go to, I stand the push of your one thing that you’ll tell.

PRINCE HARRY Marry, I tell thee, it is not meet that I should be sad now my father is sick; albeit I could tell to thee, as to one it pleases me, for fault of a better, to call my friend, I could be sad; and sad indeed too.

POINS Very hardly, upon such a subject.

PRINCE HARRY By this hand, thou thinkest me as far in the devil’s book as thou and Falstaff, for obduracy and persistency. Let the end try the man. But I tell thee, my heart bleeds inwardly that my father is so sick; and keeping such vile company as thou art hath, in reason, taken from me all ostentation of sorrow.

POINS The reason?

PRINCE HARRY What wouldst thou think of me if I should weep?

POINS I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.

PRINCE HARRY It would be every man’s thought, and thou art a blessed fellow to think as every man thinks. Never a man’s thought in the world keeps the roadway better than thine. Every man would think me an hypocrite indeed. And what accites your most worshipful thought to think so?

POINS Why, because you have been so lewd, and so much engrafted to Falstaff.

PRINCE HARRY And to thee.

POINS By this light, I am well spoke on; I can hear it with mine own ears. The worst that they can say of me is that I am a second brother, and that I am a proper fellow of my hands; and those two things I confess I cannot help.

Enter Bardolph ⌈followed by⌉ the Page

By the mass, here comes Bardolph.

PRINCE HARRY And the boy that I gave Falstaff. A had him from me Christian, and look if the fat villain have not transformed him ape.

BARDOLPH God save your grace!

PRINCE HARRY And yours, most noble Bardolph!

POINS (to Bardolph) Come, you virtuous ass, you bashful fool, must you be blushing? Wherefore blush you now? What a maidenly man at arms are you become! Is’t such a matter to get a pottle-pot’s maidenhead?

PAGE A calls me e’en now, my lord, through a red lattice, and I could discern no part of his face from the window. At last I spied his eyes, and methought he had made two holes in the ale-wife’s red petticoat, and so peeped through.

PRINCE HARRY (to Poins) Has not the boy profited?

BARDOLPH (to the Page) Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away!

PAGE Away, you rascally Althea’s dream, away!

PRINCE HARRY Instruct us, boy; what dream, boy?

PAGE Marry, my lord, Althea dreamt she was delivered of a firebrand, and therefore I call him her dream.

PRINCE HARRY (giving him money) A crown‘s-worth of good interpretation! There ’tis, boy.

POINS O, that this good blossom could be kept from cankers! (Giving the Page money) Well, there is sixpence to preserve thee.

BARDOLPH An you do not make him hanged among you, the gallows shall be wronged.

PRINCE HARRY And how doth thy master, Bardolph?

BARDOLPH Well, my good lord. He heard of your grace’s coming to town. There’s a letter for you.

POINS Delivered with good respect. And how doth the Martlemas your master?

BARDOLPH In bodily health, sir.

Prince Harry reads the letter

POINS Marry, the immortal part needs a physician, but that moves not him. Though that be sick, it dies not.

PRINCE HARRY I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me as my dog; and he holds his place, for look you how he writes.

⌈He gives Poins the letter⌉

POINS ‘John Falstaff, knight’.—Every man must know that, as oft as he has occasion to name himself; even like those that are kin to the King, for they never prick their finger but they say ‘There’s some of the King’s blood spilt.’ ‘How comes that?’ says he that takes upon him not to conceive. The answer is as ready as a borrower’s cap: ‘I am the King’s poor cousin, sir.’

PRINCE HARRY Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japhet. (Taking the letter) But the letter. ’Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the King nearest his father, Harry Prince of Wales, greeting.’

POINS Why, this is a certificate!

PRINCE HARRY Peace!—‘I will imitate the honourable Romans in brevity.’

POINS (taking the letter) Sure he means brevity in breath, short winded. (Reads) ’I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I leave thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he misuses thy favours so much that he swears thou art to marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times as thou mayst. And so, farewell.

Thine by yea and no—which is as much as to say, as thou usest him—Jack Falstaff with my familiars, John with my brothers and sisters, and Sir John with all Europe.’

My lord, I’ll steep this letter in sack and make him eat it.

PRINCE HARRY That’s to make him eat twenty of his words. But do you use me thus, Ned? Must I marry your sister?

POINS God send the wench no worse fortune, but I never said so.

PRINCE HARRY Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us. (To Bardolph) Is your master here in London?

BARDOLPH Yea, my lord.

PRINCE HARRY Where sups he? Doth the old boar feed in the old frank?

BARDOLPH At the old place, my lord, in Eastcheap.

PRINCE HARRY What company?

PAGE Ephesians, my lord, of the old church.

PRINCE HARRY Sup any women with him?

PAGE None, my lord, but old Mistress Quickly and Mistress Doll Tearsheet.

PRINCE HARRY What pagan may that be?

PAGE A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master’s.

PRINCE HARRY Even such kin as the parish heifers are to the town bull. Shall we steal upon them, Ned, at supper?

POINS I am your shadow, my lord; I’ll follow you.

PRINCE HARRY Sirrah, you, boy, and Bardolph, no word to your master that I am yet come to town. (Giving money) There’s for your silence.

BARDOLPH I have no tongue, sir.

PAGE And for mine, sir, I will govern it.

PRINCE HARRY Fare you well; go.

Exeunt Bardolph and the Page

This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.

POINS I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Albans and London.

PRINCE HARRY How might we see Falstaff bestow himself tonight in his true colours, and not ourselves be seen?

POINS Put on two leathern jerkins and aprons, and wait upon him at his table like drawers.

PRINCE HARRY From a god to a bull—a heavy declension—it was Jove’s case. From a prince to a prentice—a low transformation—that shall be mine; for in everything the purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me, Ned.

Exeunt

2.3 Enter the Earl of Northumberland, Lady Northumberland, and Lady Percy

NORTHUMBERLAND

I pray thee, loving wife and gentle daughter,

Give even way unto my rough affairs.

Put not you on the visage of the times

And be like them to Percy troublesome.

LADY NORTHUMBERLAND

I have given over; I will speak no more.

Do what you will; your wisdom be your guide.

NORTHUMBERLAND

Alas, sweet wife, my honour is at pawn,

And, but my going, nothing can redeem it.

LADY PERCY

O yet, for God’s sake, go not to these wars!

The time was, father, that you broke your word

When you were more endeared to it than now—

When your own Percy, when my heart’s dear Harry,

Threw many a northward look to see his father

Bring up his powers; but he did long in vain.

Who then persuaded you to stay at home?

There were two honours lost, yours and your son’s.

For yours, the God of heaven brighten it!

For his, it stuck upon him as the sun

In the grey vault of heaven, and by his light

Did all the chivalry of England move

To do brave acts. He was indeed the glass

Wherein the noble youth did dress themselves.

He had no legs that practised not his gait;

And speaking thick, which nature made his blemish,

Became the accents of the valiant;

For those that could speak low and tardily

Would turn their own perfection to abuse

To seem like him. So that in speech, in gait,

In diet, in affections of delight,

In military rules, humours of blood,

He was the mark and glass, copy and book,

That fashioned others. And him—O wondrous him!

O miracle of men!—him did you leave,

Second to none, unseconded by you,

To look upon the hideous god of war

In disadvantage, to abide a field

Where nothing but the sound of Hotspur’s name

Did seem defensible; so you left him.

Never, O never do his ghost the wrong

To hold your honour more precise and nice

With others than with him. Let them alone.

The Marshal and the Archbishop are strong.

Had my sweet Harry had but half their numbers,

Today might I, hanging on Hotspur’s neck,

Have talked of Monmouth’s grave.

NORTHUMBERLAND Beshrew your heart,

Fair daughter, you do draw my spirits from me

With new lamenting ancient oversights.

But I must go and meet with danger there,

Or it will seek me in another place,

And find me worse provided.

LADY NORTHUMBERLAND O fly to Scotland,

Till that the nobles and the armed commons

Have of their puissance made a little taste.

LADY PERCY

If they get ground and vantage of the King,

Then join you with them like a rib of steel,

To make strength stronger; but, for all our loves,

First let them try themselves. So did your son.

He was so suffered. So came I a widow,

And never shall have length of life enough

To rain upon remembrance with mine eyes,

That it may grow and sprout as high as heaven

For recordation to my noble husband.

NORTHUMBERLAND

Come, come, go in with me. ’Tis with my mind

As with the tide swelled up unto his height,

That makes a still stand, running neither way.

Fain would I go to meet the Archbishop,

But many thousand reasons hold me back.

I will resolve for Scotland. There am I

Till time and vantage crave my company. Exeunt

2.4 ⌈A table and chairs set forth.⌉ Enter a Drawer ⌈With wind⌉ and another Drawer ⌈With a dish of apple-johns⌉

⌈FIRST DRAWER⌉ What the devil hast thou brought there—apple-johns? Thou knowest Sir John cannot endure an apple-john.

⌈SECOND DRAWER⌉ Mass, thou sayst true. The Prince once set a dish of apple-johns before him; and told him, there were five more Sir Johns; and, putting off his hat, said ‘I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, old, withered knights.’ It angered him to the heart. But he hath forgot that.

⌈FIRST DRAWER⌉ Why then, cover, and set them down; and see if thou canst find out Sneak’s noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear some music.

⌈Exit the Second Drawer⌉

⌈The First Drawer covers the table.⌉

⌈Enter the Second Drawer⌉

⌈SECOND DRAWER⌉ Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, and they will put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir John must not know of it. Bardolph hath brought word.

⌈FIRST DRAWER⌉ By the mass, here will be old utis! It will be an excellent stratagem.

⌈SECOND DRAWER⌉ I’ll see if I can find out Sneak. Exeunt Enter Mistress Quickly and Doll Tearsheet, drunk

MISTRESS QUICKLY I‘faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent good temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would desire, and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose, in good truth, la; but i’faith, you have drunk too much canaries, and that’s a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere we can say ‘What’s this?’ How do you now?

DOLL TEARSHEET Better than I was.—Hem!

MISTRESS QUICKLY Why, that’s well said! A good heart’s worth gold.

Enter Sir John Falstaff

Lo, here comes Sir John.

SIR JOHN (sings) ‘When Arthur first in court’—⌈Calls⌉ Empty the jordan!—(Sings) ‘And was a worthy king’—How now, Mistress Doll?

MISTRESS QUICKLY Sick of a qualm, yea, good faith.

SIR JOHN So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick.

DOLL TEARSHEET A pox damn you, you muddy rascal! Is that all the comfort you give me?

SIR JOHN You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.

DOLL TEARSHEET I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make them not.

SIR JOHN If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases, Doll. We catch of you, Doll, we catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue, grant that.

DOLL TEARSHEET Yea, Jesu, our chains and our jewels.

SIR JOHN ’Your brooches, pearls, and ouches’—for to serve bravely is to come halting off, you know; to come off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged chambers bravely.

MISTRESS QUICKLY By my troth, this is the old fashion. You two never meet but you fall to some discord. You are both, i’ good truth, as rheumatic as two dry toasts; you cannot one bear with another’s confirmities. What the goodyear, one must bear, (to Doll) and that must be you. You are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.

DOLL TEARSHEET Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead? There’s a whole merchant’s venture of Bordeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold.—Come, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou art going to the wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no there is nobody cares.

Enter a Drawer

DRAWER Sir, Ensign Pistol’s below, and would speak with you.

DOLL TEARSHEET Hang him, swaggering rascal, let him not come hither. It is the foul-mouthedest rogue in England.

MISTRESS QUICKLY If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith! I must live among my neighbours; I’ll no swaggerers. I am in good name and fame with the very best. Shut the door; there comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while to have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.

SIR JOHN Dost thou hear, hostess?

MISTRESS QUICKLY Pray ye pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers here.

SIR JOHN Dost thou hear? It is mine ensign.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne‘er tell me. Your ensign-swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick the debuty t’other day, and, as he said to me—’twas no longer ago than Wed‘sday last, i’ good faith—‘Neighbour Quickly,’ says he—Master Dumb our minister was by then—‘Neighbour Quickly,’ says he, ‘receive those that are civil, for,’ said he, ‘you are in an ill name.’ Now a said so, I can tell whereupon. ‘For,’ says he, ‘you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive. Receive,‘ says he, ‘no swaggering companions.’ There comes none here. You would bless you to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.

SIR JOHN He’s no swaggerer, hostess—a tame cheater, i’faith. You may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance.—Call him up, drawer. ⌈Exit Drawer⌉

MISTRESS QUICKLY Cheater call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering, by my troth, I am the worse when one says ‘swagger’. Feel, masters, how I shake, look you, I warrant you.

DOLL TEARSHEET So you do, hostess.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Do I? Yea, in very truth do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I cannot abide swaggerers.

Enter Pistol, Bardolph, and the Page

PISTOL God save you, Sir John.

SIR JOHN Welcome, Ensign Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess.

PISTOL I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.

SIR JOHN She is pistol-proof, sir, you shall not hardly offend her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY Come, I’ll drink no proofs, nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.

PISTOL Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.

DOLL TEARSHEET Charge me? I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master.

PISTOL I know you, Mistress Dorothy.

DOLL TEARSHEET Away, you cutpurse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play the saucy cuttle with me!

⌈She brandishes a knife⌉

Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you basket-hilt stale juggler, you!

⌈Pistol draws his sword⌉

Since when, I pray you, sir? God’s light, with two points on your shoulder! Much!

PISTOL God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.

MISTRESS QUICKLY No, good Captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.

DOLL TEARSHEET Captain? Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not ashamed to be called ‘captain’? An captains were of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for taking their names upon you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slavel For what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy-house! He a captain? Hang him, rogue, he lives upon mouldy stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain? God’s light, these villains will make the word ’captain’ odious; therefore captains had need look to’t.

BARDOLPH Pray thee, go down, good ensign.

SIR JOHN Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.

He takes her aside

PISTOL Not II I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her! I’ll be revenged of her.

PAGE Pray thee, go down.

PISTOL I’ll see her damned first

To Pluto’s damned lake, by this hand,

To th’infernal deep,

Where Erebus, and tortures vile also.

‘Hold hook and line!’ say I.

Down, down, dogs; down, Fates.

Have we not Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY Good Captain Pizzle, be quiet. ‘Tis very late, i’faith. I beseek you now, aggravate your choler.

PISTOL These be good humours indeed!

Shall pack-horses

And hollow pampered jades of Asia,

Which cannot go but thirty mile a day,

Compare with Caesars and with cannibals,

And Trojan Greeks?

Nay, rather damn them with King Cerberus,

And let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul for toys?

MISTRESS QUICKLY By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.

BARDOLPH Be gone, good ensign; this will grow to a brawl anon.

PISTOL

Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins!

Have we not Hiren here?

MISTRESS QUICKLY O’ my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the goodyear, do you think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be quiet.

PISTOL

Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis.

Come, give’s some sack.

Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento.

Fear we broadsides? No; let the fiend give fire!

Give me some sack; and, sweetheart, lie thou there.

⌈He lays down his sword⌉

Come we to full points here? And are etceteras nothings?

⌈He drinks⌉

SIR JOHN Pistol, I would be quiet.

PISTOL Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What, we have seen the seven stars!

DOLL TEARSHEET For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such a fustian rascal.

PISTOL Thrust him downstairs? Know we not Galloway nags?

SIR JOHN Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Nay, an a do nothing but speak nothing, a shall be nothing here.

BARDOLPH (to Pistol) Come, get you downstairs.

PISTOL ⌈taking up his sword⌉

What, shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue?

Then death rock me asleep, abridge my doleful days.

Why then, let grievous, ghastly, gaping wounds

Untwine the Sisters Three. Come, Atropos, I say!

MISTRESS QUICKLY Here’s goodly stuff toward!

SIR JOHN Give me my rapier, boy.

DOLL TEARSHEET I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw.

SIR JOHN (taking his rapier and speaking to Pistol) Get you downstairs.

Sir John, Bardolph, and Pistol brawl

MISTRESS QUICKLY Here’s a goodly tumult! I’ll forswear keeping house afore I’ll be in these tirrits and frights!

⌈Sir John thrusts at Pistol⌉

So!

⌈Pistol thrusts at Sir John⌉

Murder, I warrant now! Alas, alas, put up your naked

weapons, put up your naked weapons!

Exit Pistol, pursued by Bardolph

DOLL TEARSHEET I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal’s gone. Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!

MISTRESS QUICKLY (to Sir John) Are you not hurt i’th’ groin? Methought a made a shrewd thrust at your belly.

Enter Bardolph

SIR JOHN Have you turned him out o’doors?

BARDOLPH Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i’th’ shoulder.

SIR JOHN A rascal, to brave me!

DOLL TEARSHEET Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how thou sweatest! Come, let me wipe thy face; come on, you whoreson chops. Ah rogue, i’faith, I love thee. Thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!

SIR JOHN A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.

DOLL TEARSHEET Do, an thou darest for thy heart. An thou dost, I’ll canvas thee between a pair of sheets.

Enter musicians

PAGE The music is come, sir.

SIR JOHN Let them play.—Play, sirs!

⌈Music plays⌉

Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.

DOLL TEARSHEET I‘faith, and thou followed’st him like a church. Thou whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou leave fighting o‘days, and foining o’nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven?

Enter Prince Harry and Poins, disguised as drawers

SIR JOHN Peace, good Doll, do not speak like a death’s-head, do not bid me remember mine end.

DOLL TEARSHEET Sirrah, what humour’s the Prince of?

SIR JOHN A good shallow young fellow. A would have made a good pantler; a would ha’ chipped bread well.

DOLL TEARSHEET They say Poins has a good wit.

SIR JOHN He a good wit? Hang him, baboon! His wit’s as thick as Tewkesbury mustard; there’s no more conceit in him than is in a mallet.

DOLL TEARSHEET Why does the Prince love him so, then?

SIR JOHN Because their legs are both of a bigness, and a plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off candles’ ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with the boys, and jumps upon joint-stools, and swears with a good grace, and wears his boot very smooth like unto the sign of the leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories, and such other gambol faculties a has that show a weak mind and an able body; for the which the Prince admits him; for the Prince himself is such another—the weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.

PRINCE HARRY (aside to Poins) Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?

POINS Let’s beat him before his whore.

PRINCE HARRY Look whe’er the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like a parrot.

POINS Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?

SIR JOHN Kiss me, Doll.

They kiss

PRINCE HARRY (aside to Poins) Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th’almanac to that?

POINS And look whether the fiery Trigon his man be not lisping to his master’s old tables, his note-book, his counsel-keeper!

SIR JOHN (to Doll) Thou dost give me flattering busses.

DOLL TEARSHEET By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.

SIR JOHN I am old, I am old.

DOLL TEARSHEET I love thee better than I love e’er a scurvy young boy of them all.

SIR JOHN What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o’Thursday; shalt have a cap tomorrow.—A merry song!

⌈The music plays again⌉

Come, it grows late; we’ll to bed. Thou’lt forget me when I am gone.

DOLL TEARSHEET By my troth, thou‘lt set me a-weeping an thou sayst so. Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till thy return—well, hearken a’th’ end.

SIR JOHN Some sack, Francis.

PRINCE and POINS (coming forward) Anon, anon, sir.

SIR JOHN Ha, a bastard son of the King’s !—And art not thou Poins his brother?

PRINCE HARRY Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead!

SIR JOHN A better than thou: I am a gentleman, thou art a drawer.

PRINCE HARRY Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.

MISTRESS QUICKLY O, the Lord preserve thy grace! By my troth, welcome to London! Now the Lord bless that sweet face of thine! O Jesu, are you come from Wales?

SIR JOHN (to Prince Harry) Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty! By this light—flesh and corrupt blood, thou art welcome.

DOLL TEARSHEET How, you fat fool? I scorn you.

POINS (to Prince Harry) My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.

PRINCE HARRY (to Sir John) You whoreson candlemine you, how vilely did you speak of me now, before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!

MISTRESS QUICKLY God’s blessing of your good heart, and so she is, by my troth!

SIR JOHN (to Prince Harry) Didst thou hear me?

PRINCE HARRY Yea, and you knew me as you did when you ran away by Gads Hill; you knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.

SIR JOHN No, no, no, not so, I did not think thou wast within hearing.

PRINCE HARRY I shall drive you, then, to confess the wilful abuse, and then I know how to handle you.

SIR JOHN No abuse, Hal; o’mine honour, no abuse.

PRINCE HARRY Not? To dispraise me, and call me ‘pantler’ and ‘bread-chipper’ and I know not what?

SIR JOHN No abuse, Hal.

POINS No abuse?

SIR JOHN No abuse, Ned, i’th’ world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with him; (to Prince Harry) in which doing I have done the part of a careful friend and a true subject, and thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal; none, Ned, none; no, faith, boys, none.

PRINCE HARRY See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us. Is she of the wicked? Is thine hostess here of the wicked? Or is thy boy of the wicked? Or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?

POINS (to Sir John) Answer, thou dead elm, answer.

SIR JOHN The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and his face is Lucifer’s privy kitchen, where he doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about him, but the devil outbids him, too.

PRINCE HARRY For the women?

SIR JOHN For one of them, she’s in hell already, and burns poor souls. For th’other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned for that I know not.

MISTRESS QUICKLY No, I warrant you.

SIR JOHN No, I think thou art not; I think thou art quit for that. Marry, there is another indictment upon thee, for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law, for the which I think thou wilt howl.

MISTRESS QUICKLY All victuallers do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent?

PRINCE HARRY You, gentlewoman—

DOLL TEARSHEET What says your grace?

SIR JOHN His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.

Peto knocks at door within

MISTRESS QUICKLY Who knocks so loud at door? (Calls)

Look to th’ door there, Francis.

Enter Peto

PRINCE HARRY Peto, how now, what news?

PETO

The King your father is at Westminster;

And there are twenty weak and wearied posts

Come from the north; and as I came along

I met and overtook a dozen captains,

Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns,

And asking every one for Sir John Falstaff.

PRINCE HARRY

By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame

So idly to profane the precious time,

When tempest of commotion, like the south

Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt

And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.—

Give me my sword and cloak.—Falstaff, good night.

Exeunt Prince Harry and Poins

SIR JOHN Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night,

and we must hence and leave it unpicked. 371

Knocking within. ⌈Exit Bardolph⌉

More knocking at the door!

Enter Bardolph

How now, what’s the matter?

BARDOLPH

You must away to court, sir, presently.

A dozen captains stay at door for you.

SIR JOHN ⌈to the Page⌉ Pay the musicians, sirrah. Farewell, hostess; farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep, when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere I go. ⌈Exeunt musicians⌉

DOLL TEARSHEET ⌈weeping⌉ I cannot speak. If my heart be not ready to burst—well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.

SIR JOHN Farewell, farewell! 385

Exit ⌈with Bardolph, Peto, and the Page⌉

MISTRESS QUICKLY Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these twenty-nine years come peascod-time, but an honester and truer-hearted man—well, fare thee well.

⌈Enter Bardolph⌉

BARDOLPH Mistress Tearsheet!

MISTRESS QUICKLY What’s the matter? 390

BARDOLPH Bid Mistress Tearsheet come to my master.

⌈Exit⌉

MISTRESS QUICKLY O run, Doll; run, run, good Doll!

Exeunt ⌈Doll at one door, Mistress Quickly at another door⌉