Текст книги "William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition"

Автор книги: William Shakespeare

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2.1 Enter a Carrier, with a lantern in his hand

FIRST CARRIER Heigh-ho! An’t be not four by the day, I’ll be hanged. Charles’s Wain is over the new chimney, and yet our horse not packed. What, ostler!

OSTLER (within) Anon, anon!

FIRST CARRIER I prithee, Tom, beat cut’s saddle, put a few flocks in the point. Poor jade is wrung in the withers, out of all cess.

Enter another Carrier

SECOND CARRIER Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog, and that is the next way to give poor jades the bots. This house is turned upside down since Robin Ostler died.

FIRST CARRIER Poor fellow never joyed since the price of oats rose; it was the death of him.

SECOND CARRIER I think this be the most villainous house in all London road for fleas. I am stung like a tench.

FIRST CARRIER Like a tench? By the mass, there is ne’er a king christen could be better bit than I have been since the first cock.

SECOND CARRIER Why, they will allow us ne’er a jordan, and then we leak in your chimney, and your chamber-lye breeds fleas like a loach.

FIRST CARRIER What, ostler! Come away, and be hanged, come away!

SECOND CARRIER I have a gammon of bacon and two races of ginger to be delivered as far as Charing Cross.

FIRST CARRIER God’s body, the turkeys in my pannier are quite starved! What, ostler! A plague on thee, hast thou never an eye in thy head? Canst not hear? An ’twere not as good deed as drink to break the pate on thee, I am a very villain. Come, and be hanged! Hast no faith in thee?

Enter Gadshill

GADSHILL Good morrow, carriers. What’s o’clock?

FIRST CARRIER I think it be two o’clock.

GADSHILL I prithee lend me thy lantern to see my gelding in the stable.

FIRST CARRIER Nay, by God, soft. I know a trick worth two of that, i’faith.

GADSHILL (to Second Carrier) I pray thee, lend me thine.

SECOND CARRIER Ay, when? Canst tell? ‘Lend me thy lantern,’ quoth a. Marry, I’ll see thee hanged first.

GADSHILL Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come to London?

SECOND CARRIER Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I warrant thee.—Come, neighbour Mugs, we’ll call up the gentlemen. They will along with company, for they have great charge. Exeunt Carriers

GADSHILL What ho, chamberlain!

Enter Chamberlain

CHAMBERLAIN ’At hand’ quoth Pickpurse.

GADSHILL That’s even as fair as ‘ “At hand” quoth the chamberlain’, for thou variest no more from picking of purses than giving direction doth from labouring: thou layest the plot how.

CHAMBERLAIN Good morrow, Master Gadshill. It holds current that I told you yesternight. There’s a franklin in the Weald of Kent hath brought three hundred marks with him in gold. I heard him tell it to one of his company last night at supper—a kind of auditor, one that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. They are up already, and call for eggs and butter; they will away presently.

GADSHILL Sirrah, if they meet not with Saint Nicholas’s clerks, I’ll give thee this neck.

CHAMBERLAIN No, I’ll none of it; I pray thee keep that for the hangman, for I know thou worshippest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of falsehood may.

GADSHILL What talkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang, I’ll make a fat pair of gallows, for if I hang, old Sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he’s no starveling. Tut, there are other Trojans that thou dreamest not of, the which for sport’ sake are content to do the profession some grace, that would, if matters should be looked into, for their own credit’ sake make all whole. I am joined with no foot-landrakers, no long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms, but with nobility and tranquillity, burgomasters and great ‘oyez’-ers; such as can hold in, such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray. And yet, zounds, I lie, for they pray continually to their saint the commonwealth; or rather, not pray to her, but prey on her; for they ride up and down on her and make her their boots.

CHAMBERLAIN What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out water in foul way?

GADSHILL She will, she will, justice hath liquored her. We steal as in a castle, cocksure; we have the recipe of fern-seed, we walk invisible.

CHAMBERLAIN Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholden to the night than to fern-seed for your walking invisible.

GADSHILL Give me thy hand; thou shalt have a share in our purchase, as I am a true man.

CHAMBERLAIN Nay, rather let me have it as you are a false thief.

GADSHILL Go to, ‘homo’ is a common name to all men. Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable. Farewell, you muddy knave. Exeunt ⌈severally⌉

2.2 Enter Prince Harry, Poins, Harvey, ⌈and Russell⌉

POINS Come, shelter, shelter!

⌈Exeunt Harvey and Russell at another door⌉

I have removed Oldcastle’s horse, and he frets like a

gummed velvet.

PRINCE HARRY Stand close! ⌈Exit Poins⌉

Enter Sir John Oldcastle

SIR JOHN Poins ! Poins, and be hanged! Poins !

PRINCE HARRY Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal ! What a brawling dost thou keep !

SIR JOHN Where’s Poins, Hal?

PRINCE HARRY He is walked up to the top of the hill. I’ll go seek him. ⌈Exit⌉

SIR JOHN I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal hath removed my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death, for all this—if I scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged. It could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins ! Hal ! A plague upon you both ! Russell ! Harvey ! I’ll starve ere I’ll rob a foot further. An ’twere not as good a deed as drink to turn true man and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me, and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon’t when thieves cannot be true one to another !

They whistle. ⌈Enter Prince Harry, Poins, Harvey, and Russell⌉

Whew !A plague upon you all !Give me my horse, you

rogues, give me my horse, and be hanged!

PRINCE HARRY Peace, ye fat-guts. Lie down, lay thine ear close to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.

SIR JOHN Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down ? ’Sblood, I’ll not bear my own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father’s exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?

PRINCE HARRY Thou liest : thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.

SIR JOHN I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.

PRINCE HARRY Out, ye rogue, shall I be your ostler?

SIR JOHN Hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters ! If I be ta’en, I’ll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison. When a jest is so forward, and afoot too ! I hate it.

Enter Gadshill ⌈visored⌉

GADSHILL Stand!

SIR JOHN So I do, against my will.

POINS O, ’tis our setter, I know his voice. Gadshill, what news?

⌈GADSHILL⌉ Case ye, case ye, on with your visors ! There’s money of the King’s coming down the hill; ’tis going to the King’s exchequer.

SIR JOHN You lie, ye rogue, ’tis going to the King’s tavern.

GADSHILL There’s enough to make us all.

SIR JOHN To be hanged.

⌈They put on visors⌉

PRINCE HARRY Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane. Ned Poins and I will walk lower. If they scape from your encounter, then they light on us.

HARVEY How many be there of them?

GADSHILL Some eight or ten.

SIR JOHN Zounds, will they not rob us?

PRINCE HARRY What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?

SIR JOHN Indeed I am not John of Gaunt your grandfather, but yet no coward, Hal.

PRINCE HARRY Well, we leave that to the proof.

POINS Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge. When thou needest him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.

SIR JOHN Now cannot I strike him if I should be hanged.

PRINCE HARRY (aside to Poins) Ned, where are our disguises?

POINS (aside to the Prince) Here, hard by. Stand close.

⌈Exeunt the Prince and Poins⌉

SIR JOHN Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I; every man to his business.

⌈They stand aside.]

Enter the Travellers, amongst them the Carriers l

FIRSTI TRAVELLER Come, neighbour, the boy shall lead our horses down the hill. We’ll walk afoot a while, and ease their legs.

THIEVES ⌈coming forward⌉ Stand !

⌈SECOND⌉ TRAVELLER Jesus bless us !

SIR JOHN Strike, down with them, cut the villains’ throats ! Ah, whoreson caterpillars, bacon-fed knaves ! They hate us youth. Down with them, fleece them !

⌈FIRST⌉ TRAVELLER O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!

SIR JOHN Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone ? No, ye fat chuffs; I would your store were here. On, bacons, on ! What, ye knaves! Young men must live. You are grand-jurors, are ye? We’ll jure ye, faith.

Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt the thieves with the travellers

2.3 Enter Prince Harry and Poins, disguised in buckram suits

PRINCE HARRY The thieves have bound the true men; now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go merrily to London. It would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.

POINS Stand close; I hear them coming.

They stand aside.

Enter Sir John Oldcastle, Russell, Harvey, and Gadshill, with the travellers’ money

SIR JOHN Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring. There’s no more valour in that Poins than in a wild duck.

As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them

PRINCE HARRY Your money!

POINS Villains!

Gadshill, Russell, and Harvey run away ⌈severally⌉, and Oldcastle, after a blow or two, ⌈roars and⌉ runs away too, leaving the booty behind them

PRINCE HARRY

Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse.

The thieves are all scattered, and possessed with fear

So strongly that they dare not meet each other.

Each takes his fellow for an officer.

Away, good Ned. Oldcastle sweats to death,

And lards the lean earth as he walks along.

Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.

POINS

How the fat rogue roared! Exeunt with the booty

2.4 Enter Hotspur, reading a letter

HOTSPUR ‘But for mine own part, my lord, I could be well contented to be there, in respect of the love I bear your house.’—He could be contented; why is he not then? In respect of the love he bears our house ! He shows in this he loves his own barn better than he loves our house. Let me see some more.—‘The purpose you undertake is dangerous’—Why, that’s certain: ‘tis dangerous to take a cold, to sleep, to drink; but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle danger we pluck this flower safety.—‘The purpose you undertake is dangerous, the friends you have named uncertain, the time itself unsorted, and your whole plot too light for the counterpoise of so great an opposition.’—Say you so, say you so? I say unto you again, you are a shallow, cowardly hind, and you lie. What a lack-brain is this! By the Lord, our plot is a good plot as ever was laid, our friends true and constant; a good plot, good friends, and full of expectation; an excellent plot, very good friends. What a frosty-spirited rogue is this! Why, my lord of York commends the plot and the general course of the action. Zounds, an I were now by this rascal, I could brain him with his lady’s fan! Is there not my father, my uncle, and myself? Lord Edmund Mortimer, my lord of York, and Owain Glyndwr? Is there not besides the Douglas? Have I not all their letters, to meet me in arms by the ninth of the next month? And are they not some of them set forward already? What a pagan rascal is this, an infidel ! Ha, you shall see now, in very sincerity of fear and cold heart will he to the King, and lay open all our proceedings! O, I could divide myself and go to buffets for moving such a dish of skim-milk with so honourable an action Hang him ! Let him tell the King we are prepared; I will set forward tonight.

Enter Lady Percy

How now, Kate? I must leave you within these two hours.

LADY PERCY

Omy good lord, why are you thus alone ?

For what offence have I this fortnight been

A banished woman from my Harry’s bed?

Tell me, sweet lord, what is’t that takes from thee

Thy stomach, pleasure, and thy golden sleep?

Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the earth,

And start so often when thou sitt‘st alone?

Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks,

And given my treasures and my rights of thee

To thick-eyed musing and curst melancholy?

In thy faint slumbers I by thee have watched,

And heard thee murmur tales of iron wars,

Speak terms of manège to thy bounding steed,

Cry ‘Courage! To the field!’ And thou hast talked

Of sallies and retires, of trenches, tents,

Of palisadoes, frontiers, parapets,

Of basilisks, of cannon, culverin,

Of prisoners ransomed, and of soldiers slain,

And all the currents of a heady fight.

Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war,

And thus hath so bestirred thee in thy sleep,

That beads of sweat have stood upon thy brow

Like bubbles in a late-disturbed stream;

And in thy face strange motions have appeared,

Such as we see when men restrain their breath

On some great sudden hest. O,what portents are

these?

Some heavy business hath my lord in hand,

And I must know it, else he loves me not.

HOTSPUR

What ho!

Enter Servant

Is Gilliams with the packet gone?

SERVANT

He is, my lord, an hour ago.

HOTSPUR

Hath Butler brought those horses from the sheriff?

SERVANT

One horse, my lord, he brought even now.

HOTSPUR

What horse? A roan, a crop-ear, is it not?

SERVANT

It is, my lord.

HOTSPUR That roan shall be my throne.

Well, I will back him straight.—O,Esperance!—

Bid Butler lead him forth into the park.

LADY PERCY

But hear you, my lord.

HOTSPUR What sayst thou, my lady?

LADY PERCY

What is it carries you away?

HOTSPUR Why, my horse,

My love, my horse.

LADY PERCY Out, you mad-headed ape!

A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen

As you are tossed with.

In faith, I’ll know your business, Harry, that I will.

I fear my brother Mortimer doth stir

About his title, and hath sent for you

To line his enterprise; but if you go—

HOTSPUR

So far afoot? I shall be weary, love.

LADY PERCY

Come, come, you paraquito, answer me

Directly to this question that I ask.

In faith, I’ll break thy little finger, Harry,

An if thou wilt not tell me all things true.

HOTSPUR

Away, away, you trifler! Love ? I love thee not,

I care not for thee, Kate. This is no world

To play with maumets and to tilt with lips.

We must have bloody noses and cracked crowns,

And pass them current, too. God’s me, my horse!—

What sayst thou, Kate? What wouldst thou have

with me?

LADY PERCY

Do you not love me? Do you not indeed?

Well, do not, then, for since you love me not

I will not love myself. Do you not love me?

Nay, tell me if you speak in jest or no.

HOTSPUR Come, wilt thou see me ride ?

And when I am a-horseback, I will swear

I love thee infinitely. But hark you, Kate.

I must not have you henceforth question me

Whither I go, nor reason whereabout.

Whither I must, I must; and, to conclude,

This evening must I leave you, gentle Kate.

I know you wise, but yet no farther wise

Than Harry Percy’s wife; constant you are,

But yet a woman; and for secrecy

No lady closer, for I well believe

Thou wilt not utter what thou dost not know.

And so far will I trust thee, gentle Kate.

LADY PERCY How, so far?

HOTSPUR

Not an inch further. But hark you, Kate,

Whither I go, thither shall you go too.

Today will I set forth, tomorrow you.

Will this content you, Kate?

LADY PERCY It must, of force. Exeunt

2.5 Enter Prince Harry

PRINCE HARRY Ned, prithee come out of that fat room, and lend me thy hand to laugh a little.

Enter Poins ⌈at another door⌉

POINS Where hast been, Hal?

PRINCE HARRY With three or four loggerheads, amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very bass-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their christen names, as ‘Tom’, ‘Dick’, and ‘Francis’. They take it already, upon their salvation, that though I be but Prince of Wales yet I am the king of courtesy, and tell me flatly I am no proud jack like Oldcastle, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy—by the Lord, so they call me; and when I am King of England I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep ‘dyeing scarlet’, and when you breathe in your watering they cry ‘Hem!’ and bid you ‘Play it off!’ To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour that thou wert not with me in this action. But, sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an underskinker, one that never spake other English in his life than ‘Eight shillings and sixpence’, and ‘You are welcome’, with this shrill addition, ‘Anon, anon, sir ! Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon!’ or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Oldcastle come, I prithee do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar, and do thou never leave calling ‘Francis!’, that his tale to me may be nothing but ‘Anon!’ Step aside, and I’ll show thee a precedent.

Exit Poins

POINS (within) Francis!

PRINCE HARRY Thou art perfect.

POINS (within) Francis!

Enter Francis, a drawer

FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir!—Look down into the Pomegranate, Ralph !

PRINCE HARRY Come hither, Francis.

FRANCIS My lord.

PRINCE HARRY How long hast thou to serve, Francis?

FRANCIS Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—

POINS (within) Francis!

FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir!

PRINCE HARRY Five year! By’r Lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter. But Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture, and show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it?

FRANCIS O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heart—

POINS (within) Francis!

FRANCIS Anon, sir!

PRINCE HARRY How old art thou, Francis ?

FRANCIS Let me see, about Michaelmas next I shall be—

POINS (within) Francis!

FRANCIS Anon, sir! (To the Prince) Pray, stay a little, my lord.

PRINCE HARRY Nay, but hark you, Francis. For the sugar thou gavest me, ’twas a pennyworth, was’t not?

FRANCIS O Lord, I would it had been two I

PRINCE HARRY I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it—

POINS (within) Francis!

FRANCIS Anon, anon!

PRINCE HARRY Anon, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis; or, Francis, o’ Thursday; or, indeed, Francis, when thou wilt. But Francis.

FRANCIS My lord.

PRINCE HARRY Wilt thou rob this leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, knot-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch?

FRANCIS O Lord, sir, who do you mean ?

PRINCE HARRY Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink ! For look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.

FRANCIS What, sir?

POINS (within) Francis !

PRINCE HARRY Away, you rogue ! Dost thou not hear them call ?

⌈As he departs⌉ Poins and the Prince both call him.

The Drawer stands amazed, not knowing which

way to go.

Enter Vintner

VINTNER What, standest thou still, and hearest such a calling? Look to the guests within. Exit Francis My lord, old Sir John with half a dozen more are at the door. Shall I let them in?

PRINCE HARRY Let them alone a while, and then open the door. Exit Vintner Poins !

POINS ⌈within⌉ Anon, anon, sir!

Enter Poins

PRINCE HARRY Sirrah, Oldcastle and the rest of the thieves are at the door. Shall we be merry?

POINS As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye, what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer? Come, what’s the issue?

PRINCE HARRY I am now of all humours that have showed themselves humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o’clock at midnight.

⌈Enter Francis⌉

What’s o’clock, Francis?

FRANCIS Anon, anon, sir ! ⌈Exit at another door⌉

PRINCE HARRY That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman ! His industry is upstairs and downstairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the Hotspur of the North—he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife, ‘Fie upon this quiet life ! I want work.’ ‘O my sweet Harry,’ says she, ‘how many hast thou killed today?’ Give my roan horse a drench,’says he, and answers, ‘Some fourteen,’ an hour after; ‘a trifle, a trifle.’ I prithee call in Oldcastle. I’ll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. ‘Rivo!’ says the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow.

Enter Sir John Oldcastle, with sword and buckler, Russell, Harvey, and Gadshill, ⌈followed by⌉ Francis, with wine

POINS Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?

SIR JOHN A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too, marry and amen!—Give me a cup of sack, boy.—Ere I lead this life long, I’ll sew netherstocks, and mend them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!—Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant?

He drinketh

PRINCE HARRY Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter—pitiful hearted Titan—that melted at the sweet tale of the sun’s? If thou didst, then behold that compound.

SIR JOHN (to Francis) You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too. There is nothing but roguery to be found in villainous man, yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. ⌈Exit Francis⌉ A villainous coward ! Go thy ways, old Jack, die when thou wilt. If manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not three good men unhanged in England, and one of them is fat and grows old, God help the while. A bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver—I could sing psalms, or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say still.

PRINCE HARRY How now, woolsack, what mutter you?

SIR JOHN A king’s son ! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of Wales!

PRINCE HARRY Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?

SIR JOHN Are not you a coward? Answer me to that. And Poins there?

POINS Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the Lord I’ll stab thee.

SIR JOHN I call thee coward? I’ll see thee damned ere I call thee coward, but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders; you care not who sees your back. Call you that backing of your friends ? A plague upon such backing! Give me them that will face me. Give me a cup of sack. I am a rogue if I drunk today.

PRINCE HARRY O villain, thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunkest last.

SIR JOHN All is one for that.

He drinketh

A plague of all cowards, still say I.

PRINCE HARRY What’s the matter?

SIR JOHN What’s the matter? There be four of us here have ta’en a thousand pound this day morning.

PRINCE HARRY Where is it, Jack, where is it?

SIR JOHN Where is it? Taken from us it is. A hundred upon poor four of us.

PRINCE HARRY What, a hundred, man?

SIR JOHN I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them, two hours together. I have scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler cut through and through, my sword hacked like a handsaw. Ecce signum.

⌈He shows his sword⌉

I never dealt better since I was a man. All would not do. A plague of all cowards! (Pointing to Gadshill, Harvey, and Russell) Let them speak. If they speak more or less than truth, they are villains and the sons of darkness.

⌈PRINCE HARRY Speak, sirs, how was it?

⌈GADSHILL⌉ We four set upon some dozen—

SIR JOHN (to the Prince) Sixteen at least, my lord.

⌈GADSHILL⌉ And bound them.

HARVEY No, no, they were not bound.

SIR JOHN You rogue, they were bound every man of them, or I am a Jew else, an Hebrew Jew.

⌈GADSHILL⌉ As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us.

SIR JOHN And unbound the rest; and then come in the other.

PRINCE HARRY What, fought you with them all?

SIR JOHN All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish. If there were not two– or three-and-fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.

PRINCE HARRY Pray God you have not murdered some of them.

SIR JOHN Nay, that’s past praying for. I have peppered two of them. Two I am sure I have paid—two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward—

⌈He stands as to fight⌉

here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me.

PRINCE HARRY What, four? Thou saidst but two even now.

SIR JOHN Four, Hal, I told thee four.

POINS Ay, ay, he said four.

SIR JOHN These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.

⌈He wards himself with his buckler⌉

PRINCE HARRY Seven? Why, there were but four even now.

SIR JOHN In buckram?

POINS Ay, four in buckram suits.

SIR JOHN Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.

PRINCE HARRY (aside to Poins) Prithee, let him alone. We shall have more anon.

SIR JOHN Dost thou hear me, Hal?

PRINCE HARRY Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.

SIR JOHN Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of—

PRINCE HARRY (aside to Poins) So, two more already.

SIR JOHN Their points being broken—

POINS ⌈aside to the Prince⌉ Down fell their hose.

SIR JOHN Began to give me ground. But I followed me close, came in foot and hand, and, with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid.

PRINCE HARRY (aside to Poins) O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!

SIR JOHN But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me; for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.

PRINCE HARRY These lies are like their father that begets them—gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow-catch-

SIR JOHN What, art thou mad? Art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?

PRINCE HARRY Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. What sayst thou to this?

POINS Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.

SIR JOHN What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion? If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.

PRINCE HARRY I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horse-back-breaker, this huge hill of flesh—

SIR JOHN ’Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish—O, for breath to utter what is like thee!—you tailor’s yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck—

PRINCE HARRY Well, breathe awhile, and then to’t again, and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.

POINS Mark, Jack.

PRINCE HARRY We two saw you four set on four, and bound them, and were masters of their wealth.—Mark now how a plain tale shall put you down.—Then did we two set on you four, and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house. And Oldcastle, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?

POINS Come, let’s hear, Jack; what trick hast thou now?

SIR JOHN By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear you, my masters. Was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? Should I turn upon the true prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules; but beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true prince—instinct is a great matter. I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself and thee during my life—I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.—(Calling) Hostess, clap to the doors.—Watch tonight, pray tomorrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry, shall we have a play extempore?

PRINCE HARRY Content, and the argument shall be thy running away.

SIR JOHN Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me.

Enter Hostess

HOSTESS O Jesu, my lord the Prince!

PRINCE HARRY How now, my lady the Hostess, what sayst thou to me?

HOSTESS Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you. He says he comes from your father.

PRINCE HARRY Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother.

SIR JOHN What manner of man is he?

HOSTESS An old man.

SIR JOHN What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer?

PRINCE HARRY Prithee do, Jack.

SIR JOHN Faith, and I’ll send him packing. Exit

PRINCE HARRY Now, sirs; (to Gadshill) by’r Lady, you fought fair—so did you, Harvey, so did you, Russell. You are lions too—you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince; no, fie!

RUSSELL Faith, I ran when I saw others run.

PRINCE HARRY Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Oldcastle’s sword so hacked?

HARVEY Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like.

RUSSELL Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass, to make them bleed; and then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before—I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.