Текст книги "William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition"

Автор книги: William Shakespeare

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1.2 Enter ⌈from the bay⌉ Antipholus of Syracuse, Merchant ⌈of Ephesus⌉, and Dromio of Syracuse

MERCHANT ⌈OF EPHESUS⌉

Therefore give out you are of Epidamnum,

Lest that your goods too soon be confiscate.

This very day a Syracusian merchant

Is apprehended for arrival here,

And, not being able to buy out his life,

According to the statute of the town

Dies ere the weary sun set in the west.

There is your money that I had to keep.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE (to Dromio)

Go bear it to the Centaur, where we host,

And stay there, Dromio, till I come to thee.

Within this hour it will be dinner-time.

Till that I’ll view the manners of the town,

Peruse the traders, gaze upon the buildings,

And then return and sleep within mine inn;

For with long travel I am stiff and weary.

Get thee away.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Many a man would take you at your word,

And go indeed, having so good a mean. Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

A trusty villain, sir, that very oft,

When I am dull with care and melancholy,

Lightens my humour with his merry jests.

What, will you walk with me about the town,

And then go to my inn and dine with me?

MERCHANT ⌈OF EPHESUS⌉

I am invited, sir, to certain merchants

Of whom I hope to make much benefit.

I crave your pardon. Soon at five o’clock,

Please you, I’ll meet with you upon the mart,

And afterward consort you till bedtime.

My present business calls me from you now.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Farewell till then. I will go lose myself,

And wander up and down to view the city.

MERCHANT ⌈OF EPHESUS⌉

Sir, I commend you to your own content. Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

He that commends me to mine own content

Commends me to the thing I cannot get.

I to the world am like drop of water

That in the ocean seeks another drop,

Who, falling there to find his fellow forth,

Unseen, inquisitive, confounds himself.

So I, to find a mother and a brother,

In quest of them, unhappy, lose myself.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus

Here comes the almanac of my true date.

What now? How chance thou art returned so soon?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Returned so soon? Rather approached too late.

The capon burns, the pig falls from the spit.

The clock hath strucken twelve upon the bell;

My mistress made it one upon my cheek.

She is so hot because the meat is cold.

The meat is cold because you come not home.

You come not home because you have no stomach.

You have no stomach, having broke your fast;

But we that know what ’tis to fast and pray

Are penitent for your default today.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Stop in your wind, sir. Tell me this, I pray:

Where have you left the money that I gave you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

O—sixpence that I had o’ Wednesday last

To pay the saddler for my mistress’ crupper?

The saddler had it, sir; I kept it not.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

I am not in a sportive humour now.

Tell me, and dally not: where is the money?

We being strangers here, how dar’st thou trust

So great a charge from thine own custody?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I pray you, jest, sir, as you sit at dinner.

I from my mistress come to you in post.

If I return I shall be post indeed,

For she will scour your fault upon my pate.

Methinks your maw, like mine, should be your clock,

And strike you home without a messenger.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Come, Dromio, come, these jests are out of season.

Reserve them till a merrier hour than this.

Where is the gold I gave in charge to thee?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

To me, sir? Why, you gave no gold to me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Come on, sir knave, have done your foolishness,

And tell me how thou hast disposed thy charge.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

My charge was but to fetch you from the mart

Home to your house, the Phoenix, sir, to dinner.

My mistress and her sister stays for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Now, as I am a Christian, answer me

In what safe place you have bestowed my money,

Or I shall break that merry sconce of yours

That stands on tricks when I am undisposed.

Where is the thousand marks thou hadst of me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I have some marks of yours upon my pate,

Some of my mistress’ marks upon my shoulders,

But not a thousand marks between you both.

If I should pay your worship those again,

Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Thy mistress’ marks? What mistress, slave, hast thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Your worship’s wife, my mistress, at the Phoenix:

She that doth fast till you come home to dinner,

And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,

Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave!

He beats Dromio

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your hands!

Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels. Exit

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Upon my life, by some device or other

The villain is o’er-raught of all my money.

They say this town is full of cozenage,

As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,

Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,

Soul-killing witches that deform the body,

Disguisèd cheaters, prating mountebanks,

And many suchlike libertines of sin.

If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.

I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave.

I greatly fear my money is not safe. Exit

2.1 Enter ⌈from the Phoenix⌉ Adriana, wife of Antipholus of Ephesus, with Luciana, her sister

ADRIANA

Neither my husband nor the slave returned

That in such haste I sent to seek his master?

Sure, Luciana, it is two o’clock.

LUCIANA

Perhaps some merchant hath invited him,

And from the mart he’s somewhere gone to dinner.

Good sister, let us dine, and never fret.

A man is master of his liberty.

Time is their mistress, and when they see time

They’ll go or come. If so, be patient, sister.

ADRIANA

Why should their liberty than ours be more?

LUCIANA

Because their business still lies out o’ door.

ADRIANA

Look when I serve him so, he takes it ill.

LUCIANA

O, know he is the bridle of your will.

ADRIANA

There’s none but asses will be bridled so.

LUCIANA

Why, headstrong liberty is lashed with woe.

There’s nothing situate under heaven’s eye

But hath his bound in earth, in sea, in sky.

The beasts, the fishes, and the winged fowls

Are their males’ subjects and at their controls.

Man, more divine, the master of all these,

Lord of the wide world and wild wat’ry seas,

Indued with intellectual sense and souls,

Of more pre-eminence than fish and fowls,

Are masters to their females, and their lords.

Then let your will attend on their accords.

ADRIANA

This servitude makes you to keep unwed.

LUCIANA

Not this, but troubles of the marriage bed.

ADRIANA

But were you wedded, you would bear some sway.

LUCIANA

Ere I learn love, I’ll practise to obey.

ADRIANA

How if your husband start some otherwhere?

LUCIANA

Till he come home again, I would forbear.

ADRIANA

Patience unmoved! No marvel though she pause:

They can be meek that have no other cause.

A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,

We bid be quiet when we hear it cry.

But were we burdened with like weight of pain,

As much or more we should ourselves complain.

So thou, that hast no unkind mate to grieve thee,

With urging helpless patience would relieve me.

But if thou live to see like right bereft,

This fool-begged patience in thee will be left.

LUCIANA

Well, I will marry one day, but to try.

Enter Dromio of Ephesus

Here comes your man. Now is your husband nigh.

ADRIANA

Say, is your tardy master now at hand?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS Nay, he’s at two hands with me, and that my two ears can witness.

ADRIANA

Say, didst thou speak with him? Know’st thou his mind?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I? Ay, he told his mind upon mine ear.

Beshrew his hand, I scarce could understand it.

LUCIANA

Spake he so doubtfully thou couldst not feel his meaning?

DROMIO OF RPHESUS Nay, he struck so plainly I could too well feel his blows, and withal so doubtfully that I could scarce under-stand them.

ADRIANA

But say, I prithee, is he coming home?

It seems he hath great care to please his wife.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Why, mistress, sure my master is horn-mad.

ADRIANA Horn-mad, thou villain?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I mean not cuckold-mad, but sure he is stark mad.

When I desired him to come home to dinner,

He asked me for a thousand marks in gold.

‘’Tis dinner-time,’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he.

‘Your meat doth burn,’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he.

‘Will you come home?’ quoth I. ‘My gold,’ quoth he;

‘Where is the thousand marks I gave thee, villain?’

‘The pig’, quoth I, ‘is burned.’ ‘My gold!’ quoth he.

‘My mistress, sir—’ quoth I. ‘Hang up thy mistress!

I know thy mistress not. Out on thy mistress!’

LUCIANA Quoth who?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS Quoth my master.

‘I know’, quoth he, ‘no house, no wife, no mistress.’

So that my errand, due unto my tongue,

I thank him, I bare home upon my shoulders;

For, in conclusion, he did beat me there.

ADRIANA

Go back again, thou slave, and fetch him home.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Go back again and be new beaten home?

For God’s sake, send some other messenger.

ADRIANA A

Back, slave, or I will break thy pate across.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

An he will bless that cross with other beating,

Between you I shall have a holy head.

ADRIANA

Hence, prating peasant. Fetch thy master home.

She beats Dromio

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Am I so round with you as you with me,

That like a football you do spurn me thus?

You spurn me hence, and he will spurn me hither.

If I last in this service, you must case me in leather.

Exit

LUCIANA (to Adriana)

Fie, how impatience loureth in your face!

ADRIANA

His company must do his minions grace,

Whilst I at home starve for a merry look.

Hath homely age th’alluring beauty took

From my poor cheek? Then he hath wasted it.

Are my discourses dull? Barren my wit?

If voluble and sharp discourse be marred,

Unkindness blunts it more than marble hard.

Do their gay vestments his affections bait?

That’s not my fault: he’s master of my state.

What ruins are in me that can be found

By him not ruined? Then is he the ground

Of my defeatures. My decayed fair

A sunny look of his would soon repair.

But, too unruly deer, he breaks the pale,

And feeds from home. Poor I am but his stale.

LUCIANA

Self-harming jealousy! Fie, beat it hence.

ADRIANA

Unfeeling fools can with such wrongs dispense.

I know his eye doth homage otherwhere,

Or else what lets it but he would be here?

Sister, you know he promised me a chain.

Would that alone o’ love he would detain,

So he would keep fair quarter with his bed.

I see the jewel best enamelled

Will lose her beauty. Yet the gold bides still

That others touch; and often touching will

Wear gold, and yet no man that hath a name

By falsehood and corruption doth it shame.

Since that my beauty cannot please his eye,

I’ll weep what’s left away, and weeping die.

LUCIANA

How many fond fools serve mad jealousy!

⌈Exeunt into the Phoenix⌉

2.2 Enter Antipholus of Syracuse

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up

Safe at the Centaur, and the heedful slave

Is wandered forth in care to seek me out.

By computation and mine host’s report,

I could not speak with Dromio since at first

I sent him from the mart! See, here he comes.

Enter Dromio of Syracuse

How now, sir, is your merry humour altered?

As you love strokes, so jest with me again.

You know no Centaur? You received no gold?

Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?

My house was at the Phoenix?—Wast thou mad,

That thus so madly thou didst answer me?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

What answer, sir? When spake I such a word?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Even now, even here, not half an hour since.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

I did not see you since you sent me hence

Home to the Centaur with the gold you gave me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Villain, thou didst deny the gold’s receipt,

And told‘st me of a mistress and a dinner,

For which I hope thou felt’st I was displeased.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

I am glad to see you in this merry vein.

What means this jest? I pray you, master, tell me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?

Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that.

He beats Dromio

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Hold, sir, for God’s sake—now your jest is earnest!

Upon what bargain do you give it me?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Because that I familiarly sometimes

Do use you for my fool, and chat with you,

Your sauciness will jest upon my love,

And make a common of my serious hours.

When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport,

But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.

If you will jest with me, know my aspect,

And fashion your demeanour to my looks,

Or I will beat this method in your sconce.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE ‘Sconce’ call you it? So you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head. An you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head, and ensconce it too, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir, why am I beaten?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Dost thou not know?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten. ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Shall I tell you why?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Ay, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath a wherefore.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

‘Why’ first: for flouting me; and then ‘wherefore’:

For urging it the second time to me.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season,

When in the why and the wherefore is neither rhyme

nor reason?—

Well, sir, I thank you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Thank me, sir, for what?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing. 51

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I’ll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE No, sir, I think the meat wants that I have. 56

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE In good time, sir. What’s that?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Basting.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Well, sir, then ’twill be dry.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE If it be, sir, I pray you eat none of it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Your reason? 61

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Lest it make you choleric and purchase me another dry basting.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Well, sir, learn to jest in good time. There’s a time for all things. 65

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE I durst have denied that before you were so choleric.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE By what rule, sir?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of Father Time himself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Let’s hear it.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE There’s no time for a man to recover his hair that grows bald by nature.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE May he not do it by fine and recovery?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig, and recover the lost hair of another man.

ANTIPHOLUS or SYRACUSE Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?

DROMIO or SYRACUSE Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit. 82

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, but there’s many a man hath more hair than wit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers, without wit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE The plainer dealer, the sooner lost. Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE For what reason?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE For two, and sound ones too.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Nay, not sound, I pray you.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Sure ones, then.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Certain ones, then. 96

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE Name them.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE You would all this time have proved there is no time for all things.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Marry, and did, sir: namely, e’en no time to recover hair lost by nature.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore to the world’s end will have bald followers.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE I knew ’twould be a bald conclusion.

Enter ⌈from the Phoenix⌉ Adriana and Luciana

But soft—who wafts us yonder?

ADRIANA

Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown:

Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects.

I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.

The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow

That never words were music to thine ear,

That never object pleasing in thine eye,

That never touch well welcome to thy hand,

That never meat sweet-savoured in thy taste,

Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee.

How comes it now, my husband, O how comes it

That thou art then estranged from thysetf?—

Thy ‘self’ I call it, being strange to me

That, undividable, incorporate,

Am better than thy dear self’s better part.

Ah, do not tear away thyself from me;

For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall

A drop of water in the breaking gulf,

And take unmingled thence that drop again

Without addition or diminishing,

As take from me thyself, and not me too.

How dearly would it touch thee to the quick

Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious,

And that this body, consecrate to thee,

By ruffian lust should be contaminate?

Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,

And hurl the name of husband in my face,

And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,

And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,

And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?

I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it!

I am possessed with an adulterate blot;

My blood is mingled with the crime of lust.

For if we two be one, and thou play false,

I do digest the poison of thy flesh,

Being strumpeted by thy contagion.

Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,

I live unstained, thou undishonourèd.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not.

In Ephesus I am but two hours old,

As strange unto your town as to your talk,

Who, every word by all my wit being scanned,

Wants wit in all one word to understand.

LUCIANA

Fie, brother, how the world is changed with you!

When were you wont to use my sister thus?

She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE By Dromio?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE By me?

ADRIANA

By thee; and this thou didst return from him—

That he did buffet thee, and in his blows

Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Did you converse, sir, with this gentlewoman?

What is the course and drift of your compact?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

I, sir? I never saw her till this time.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Villain, thou liest; for even her very words

Didst thou deliver to me on the mart.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

I never spake with her in all my life.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

How can she thus then call us by our names ?—

Unless it be by inspiration.

ADRIANA A

How ill agrees it with your gravity

To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave,

Abetting him to thwart me in my mood !

Be it my wrong you are from me exempt,

But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.

Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine.

Thou art an elm, my husband; I a vine,

Whose weakness, married to thy stronger state,

Makes me with thy strength to communicate.

If aught possess thee from me, it is dross,

Usurping ivy, brier, or idle moss,

Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion

Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE (aside)

To me she speaks, she moves me for her theme.

What, was I married to her in my dream?

Or sleep I now, and think I hear all this?

What error drives our eyes and ears amiss?

Until I know this sure uncertainty,

I’ll entertain the offered fallacy.

LUCIANA

Dromio, go bid the servants spread for dinner.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (aside)

O, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner.

This is the fairy land. O spite of spites,

We talk with goblins, oafs, and sprites.

If we obey them not, this will ensue:

They’ll suck our breath or pinch us black and blue.

LUCIANA

Why prat‘st thou to thyself, and answer’st not?

Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE (to Antipholus)

I am transformed, master, am not I?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

I think thou art in mind, and so am I.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Nay, master, both in mind and in my shape.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Thou hast thine own form.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

No, I am an ape.

LUCIANA

If thou art changed to aught, ’tis to an ass.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE ⌈to Antipholus⌉

’Tis true she rides me, and I long for grass.

’Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be

But I should know her as well as she knows me.

ADRIANA

Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,

To put the finger in the eye and weep

Whilst man and master laughs my woes to scorn.

(To Antipholus) Come, sir, to dinner.—Dromio, keep

the gate.—

Husband, I’ll dine above with you today,

And shrive you of a thousand idle pranks.—

Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,

Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter.—

Come, sister.—Dromio, play the porter well.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE (aside)

Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?

Sleeping or waking? Mad or well advised?

Known unto these, and to myself disguised!

I’ll say as they say, and persever so,

And in this mist at all adventures go.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Master, shall I be porter at the gate ?

ADRIANA

Ay, and let none enter, lest I break your pate.

LUCIANA

Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.

Exeunt into the Phoenix⌉