Текст книги "Dhalgren"

Автор книги: Samuel R. Delany

Соавторы: Samuel R. Delany
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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 60 страниц)

“Hey, we got a moon! And we got a George!”

“Shine on, shine on harvest George—”

“Oh man, June and George don’t rhyme!”

(“Tak and Jack do,” Lanya whispered, giggled, and pulled her harmonica from her pocket.)

“But you remember what he do to that little white girl—”

“Oh, shit, was that her name?”

Lanya blew harmonica notes in his ear. He pulled away (“Hey…!”) and came back to her, perturbed. She reached up and held his forefinger. Something tickled his blunt knuckle. She was brushing her lips across the ruin of his thumb’s first joint. The shoutings died behind them. Overhead, the lights blurred in returning clouds. She played lazy music by his chest, following the ex-soldier and the ex-engineer. Her motion pulled him. She paused to tell him, “You smell good.”

“Huh? Yeah, I guess I stink,” and cringed.

“I mean it. Good. Like a pear somebody’s soaked in brandy.”

“That’s what happens when you bum around for three weeks and can’t get a bath.” She nuzzled the forking of his arm.

He thought she was funny. And liked her funniness. And realized that it was because she made it easier to like…whoever he was; and came out of the thoughts trying not to smile. She played randomly.

He beat the paper and notebook on his thigh, till he remembered John whom he did not like, and stopped.

5

Look for shadow in this double-lit mist. A dark communion in the burning streets between the landscape and the smarting senses suggests more sterile agonies. Clouds out of control decoct anticipation. What use can any of us have for two moons? The miracle of order has run out and I am left in an unmiraculous city where anything may happen. I don’t need more intimations of disorder. It has to be more than that! Search the smoke for the fire’s base. Read from the coals neither success nor despair. This edge of boredom is as bright. I pass it, into the dark rim. There is the deceiving warmth that asks nothing. There are objects lost in double-light.

With the jollity of their progress through the night streets, the repeated exclamations and speculations at the twinned satellites, moments into Tak’s dark stairway—footsteps pummeling around him, down, across, then pummeling up—he realized he had no memory of the doorway through which they’d just entered out of the night, save the memory of his exit that lingered from the morning.

“A great idea!” Lanya, behind, was breathing heavily. “A Full George party!”

“If George was the full one,” Tak said. “Excuse me; gibbous.”

“How far up do you live?” Jack asked, ahead.

The orchid jogged on his hip. Notebook and newspaper—he’d read none of the paper yet—were still clamped in clammy fingers.

“We’ll be there in one more—Nope. I mis-counted,” Tak called down. “We’re here already! Come on! It’s party time!”

Metal creaked on metal.

Both Lanya, behind, and Jack, ahead, were laughing.

Above is light. What else does this city cast up on its cloudy cover, from ill-functioning streetlights, from what leaks tentatively out of badly shaded doors and windows, from flame? Is it enough to illuminate another bright, brief, careening, but less-than-standard body?

6

He put the wine bottle on the roof’s thigh-high wall. Below, the street lamp was a blurred pearl. He searched the dense and foggy distances, was lost in them.

“What are you looking at?” She came up, surprising, behind.

“Oh.” The night was thick with burnt odors. “I don’t know.”

She picked up the bottle and drank, “All right,” and put it down; then said, “You’re looking for something. You’ve got your eyes all squinched up. You were craning way out and…oh, you can’t see anything down there for the smoke!”

“The river,” he said.

“Hm?” She looked again.

“I can’t see the river.”

“What river?”

“When I came off the waterfront, across the bridge. This place, it was like two blocks away, maybe. And then, when I first came up here, you could just see the water, as though suddenly the river was a half a mile off. It was right through there. But now I can’t see…” craning again.

She said: “You couldn’t see the river from here. It’s nearly…I don’t know exactly; but it’s quite a way.”

“I could this morning.”

“Maybe, but I doubt it.” Then she said: “You were here this morning?”

He said: “There isn’t any smoke over there. I can’t even make out the lights from the bridge, or anything; even the reflections from the places on the waterfront that’re burning. Unless they’ve gone out.”

“If they’ve gone out, the electricity’s gone on somewhere else.” Suddenly she pulled her shoulders together, gave a little shiver; sighed, and looked up. And said, eventually: “The moon.”

“What?”

“Do you remember,” she asked, “when they got the first astronauts to the moon?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I saw it on TV. A whole bunch of us were over at my friend’s house.”

“I missed it, until the next morning,” she said. “But it was…funny.”

“What?”

She pulled her lips in between her teeth, then let them pop. “Do you remember the next time you were outside and you looked up and saw the moon in the sky instead of on television?”

He frowned.

“It was different, remember. I realized that for the last fifty thousand science-fiction novels it had still been just a light hanging up there. And now it was…a place.”

“I just figured somebody had taken a shit up there, and why weren’t they telling.” He stopped laughing. “But it was different; yeah.”

“Then tonight.” She looked at the featureless smoke. “Because there was another one, that you don’t know if anybody’s walked on, suddenly both of them were…”

“Just lights again.”

“Or…” she nodded. “Something else.” Leaning, her elbow touched his arm.

“Hey,” Jack said from the doorway, “I think I better go now. I mean…maybe I better go.” He looked around the roof. The mist had wrapped them in. “I mean,” he said, “Tak’s awful drunk, you know? He’s sort of…”

“He isn’t going to hurt you.”

Lanya poised her quick laugh at the rim of amusement, started back, and entered the cabin.

He picked up the wine and followed.

“Now here,” Tak announced, coming from the bamboo curtain. “I knew I had some caviar. Got it on the first day up here.” He grimaced. “Too much, huh? But I like caviar. Imported.” He held up the black jar in his left hand. “Domestic.” He raised the orange one in his right. His cap was on the desk with his jacket. His head seemed very small on his thick torso. “I got more stuff in there than you can twitch the proverbial stick at.” He set the jars down among a dozen others.

“Isn’t it sort of late…” Jack’s voice trailed off in the doorway.

“Christ,” Lanya said, “what are you going to do with all this junk, Tak?”

“Late supper. Don’t worry, nobody goes hungry up at the Fire Wolf’s.”

He picked up a small jar (cut glass in scarred, horny flesh): “…Spiced Honey Spread…”

“Oh, yeah.” Tak arranged the breadboard on the edge of the desk. “I’ve even tried some of that before. It’s good.” He swayed above pickled artichoke hearts and caponata, deviled ham, herring, pimento, rolled anchovies, guava paste, pâté. “And another glass of—” He raised the bottle and splashed the liquid around inside. “Jack, some for you?”

“Aw, no. It’s getting pretty late.”

“Here you go!” He pushed the glass into the boy’s hand. Jack took it because it would have dropped otherwise:

“Eh…thanks.”

“…for me.” Tak finished his and poured another. “Come on, everybody, now you help yourselves. You like pimento?”

“Not just by its lonesome,” Lanya protested.

“With bread, or…cheese, here. Anchovies?”

“Look,” Lanya said, “I’ll do it.”

Loufer gestured toward Jack. “Now come on, boy. You said you were hungry. I got all this damn caviar and stuff.”

“It’s sort of…” Behind Jack, smoke filtered across the doorway. “…well, late.”

“Tak?”

“Hey, Kidd, here’s a glass for you.”

“Thanks. Tak?”

“Yeah, Kidd? What can I do for you?”

“That poster.”

From the center picture, the tall black glared out into the room, oiled teak belly gleaming under scuffed leather, his fist, a dark and gouged interruption on a dark thigh. The light source had been yellow: that made brass hints in the nappy pubis. The scrotal skin was the color and texture of rotten avocado rind. Between the thighs, a cock, thick as a flashlight haft, hung dusty, black and wormy with veins. The skin of the right knee intimated a marvelous machine beneath. The left ear was a coil of serpents. The brass light barred his leg, his neck, slurred the oil on his nostrils.

“That’s the spade who came into the bar, the one they named the moon after.”

“Yeah, that’s George—George Harrison.” Tak took the top off another jar, smelled it, scowled. “Some of the boys at Teddy’s got him to pose for that. He’s a real ham. That ape likes to get his picture taken more than just about anything, you know? Long as he doesn’t get too drunk, he’s a great guy. Ain’t he beautiful? Strong as a couple of horses, too.”

“Wasn’t there something about some pictures in the paper of him…raping some girl? That’s what the newspaper man told me this morning.”

“Oh yeah.” Tak put down another jar, drank more of his brandy. “Yeah, that business with the white girl, in the paper, during the riot. Well, like I said: George just likes to get his picture taken. He’s a big nigger now. Might as well enjoy it. I would if I was him.”

“What is this, Tak…octopus!” Lanya, with a wrinkled nose, bit. “Sort of tough…it tastes all right.”

“Jesus!” Jack exclaimed. “That’s salty!”

“Have some brandy,” Tak reiterated. “Spicy food is good with booze. Go ahead. Drink some more.”

“You know—” he still considered the poster—“I saw that thing hung up in a church this morning?”

“Ah!” Tak gestured with his glass. “Then you were down at Reverend Amy’s. Didn’t you know? She’s the chief distributor. Where do you think I got my copy?”

He frowned at the poster, frowned at Tak (who wasn’t looking), frowned at the poster again.

Eyes of ivory, velvet lips, a handsome face poised between an expression disdainful and embarrassing. Was it…theatrical? Perhaps theatrical disdain. The background was a horizonless purple. He tried to put this rough face with his memory of the astounding second moon.

“Try this!” Lanya exclaimed. “It’s good.”

It was. But mumbling through the tasteless crumbs under it, he stepped outside and breathed deep in the thick smoke. He couldn’t smell it, but he felt his heart in his ears in a moment, very quick and steady. He searched for either blotted light. A rapist? he thought. An exhibitionist? He is approaching the numinous: gossip; the printed word; portents. Thrilled, he narrowed his eyes to search the clouds for George once more.

“Hey,” Lanya said. “How you feeling?”

“Tired.”

“I left my blankets and stuff in the park. Let’s go back.”

“Okay.” He started to put his arm around her—she took his hand in both of hers. She cupped his from the wrist, her fingers like orchid blades. Blades closed, and she held his little finger, his forefinger, kissed the horny palm, and would not look at his confusion. She kissed his knuckles, opening her lips, and lay her tongue there. Her breath warmed in the hair on his hand’s back.

Her face was an inch away: he could feel the warmth of that too. In his reiterate curiosity, and his embarrassment, he offered, obliquely, “You know…the moon?”

She looked at him, still holding his fingers. “What moon?”

“I mean…when we saw the two moons. And what you were talking about. Their being different.”

“Two moons?”

“Oh, come on now.” He lowered his hand; hers lowered with it. “Remember when we came out of the bar?”

“Yes.”

“And the night was all messed up and streaked?” He glanced at the enveloping sky, fused and blurred.

“Yes.”

“What did you see?”

She looked puzzled. “The moon.”

“How—” something awful at the base of his spine—“many?”—clawed to his neck.

Her head went to the side. “How many?”

“We were all standing outside the bar, and in the sky we saw…”

But she laughed and, laughing, dropped her face to his hand again. When she looked up, she halted the sound to question. “Hey?” And then, “Hey, I’m kidding you…?”

“Oh,” he said.

But she saw an answer that confused. “No, really, I’m just kidding. What were you going to say about them?”

“Huh?”

“You were about to say something?”

“Naw, it’s nothing.”

“But…?”

“Don’t do that again. Don’t kid like that. Not…here.”

She looked around too when he said that. Then pushed her face against his hand again. He moved his fingers between her lips. “I won’t,” she said, “if you’ll let me do this,” and slid her mouth around his wrecked thumb.

As expression releases the indicated emotion, as surface defines the space enclosed, he felt a strange warmth. It grew behind his face and made his breath shush out. “All right,” he said, and, “Okay,” and then, “…Yes,” each more definite in meaning, each more tentatively spoken.

Tak pushed the door back hard enough to make the hinges howl. He walked up to the balustrade, fingering his fly and mumbling, “Shit,” saw Lanya and stopped. “Sorry. I gotta take a leak.”

“What’s the matter with you?” she asked the swaying Loufer.

“What’s the matter? Tonight’s trick isn’t going to put out. Last night’s is all caught up with the biggest fag-hag in the city.” His zipper hissed open. “Come on, I want to take a leak.” He nodded to Lanya. “You can stay here, sweetheart. But he’s gotta go away. I got this hangup. I’m piss-shy in front of men.”

“Fuck off, Tak,” he said, and started across the roof.

She caught up, her head down, making a sound he thought was crying. He touched her shoulder, and she looked up at him in the midst of a stifled giggle.

He sucked his teeth. “Let’s go.”

“What about Jack?” she asked.

“Huh? Fuck Jack. We’re not going to take him with us.”

“Oh, sure; I didn’t mean…” And followed him toward the stairwell.

“Hey, good night, Tak,” he called. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah,” Loufer said from the cabin door, going in: the hair on his shoulder and the side of his head blazed with back-light.

“Good night,” Lanya echoed.

The metal door grated.

A flight into the dark, she asked, “Are you mad at Tak…about something?” Then she said: “I mean, he’s a sort of funny guy, sometimes. But he’s—”

“I’m not mad at him.”

“Oh.” Their footsteps perforated the silence.

“I like him.” His tone spoke decision. “Yeah, he’s a good guy.” The newspaper and the notebook were up under his arm.

She slipped her fingers through his in the dark; to keep from dropping the notebook, he had to hold her near.

At the bottom of the next flight, she asked, suddenly: “Do you care if you don’t know who you are?”

At the bottom of the next, he said, “No.” Then he wondered, from the way her footsteps quickened (his quickened to keep up) if that, like his hands, excited her.

She led him quickly and surely through the basement corridor—now the concrete was cold—and up. “Here’s the door,” she said, releasing him; she stepped away.

He couldn’t see at all.

“Just a few stairs.” She moved ahead.

He held the jamb unsteadily, slid his bare foot forward…onto board. With his other hand, he raised notebook and newspaper before his face, thrust his forearm out.

Ahead and below, she said, “Come on.”

“Watch out for the edge,” he said. His toes and the ball of his foot went over the board side and dangled. “And those damn meat hooks.”

“Huh…?” Then she laughed. “No—that’s across the street!”

“The hell it is,” he said. “When I came running out of here this morning, I nearly skewered myself.”

“You must have gotten lost—” she was still laughing—“in the basement! Come on, it’s just a couple of steps down.”

He frowned in the dark (Thinking: There was a lamp on this street corner. I saw it from the roof. Why can’t I see anything…) let go the jamb, stepped…down; to another board, that squeaked. He still held his arm up before his face, feeling for the swaying prongs.

“One of the corridors in the basement,” she explained, “goes under the street and comes up behind a door to the loading porch across from here. The first few times I came to visit Tak, that happened to me too. The first time, you think you’re losing your mind.”

“Huh?” he said. “Under the…street?” He lowered his arm.

Maybe (the possibility came, as relieving as fresh air in these smoke-stifled alleys) he’d simply looked down from the roof on the wrong side; and that was why there was no street-light. His semiambidextrousness was always making him confuse left and right. He came down two more board steps, reached pavement.

He felt her take his wrist. “This way…”

She led him quickly through the dark, up and down curbs, from complete to near-complete darkness and back. It was more confusing than the basement corridors. “We’re in the park, now, aren’t we…?” he asked, minutes on. Not only had he missed the entrance, but, at the moment he rose from his reveries to speak, he realized he did not know how many minutes on it was. Three? Thirteen? Thirty?

“Yes…” she said, wondering why he wondered.

They walked over soft, ashy earth.

“Here,” she told him. “We’ve reached my place.”

The trees rustled.

“Help me spread the blanket.”

He thought: How can she see? A corner of blanket fell across his foot. He dropped to his knees and pulled the edge straight; felt her pull; felt her pull go slack.

“Take all your clothes off…” she said, softly.

He nodded, unbuttoned his shirt. He had known this was coming, too. Since when? This morning? New moons come, he thought, and all of heaven changes; still we silently machinate toward the joint of flesh and flesh, while the ground stays still enough to walk, no matter what above it. He unbuckled his pants, slipped out of them, and looked up to notice that he could see her a little, across the blanket, a blot moving furiously, rustling laces, jeans—a sneaker fell in grass.

He pushed off his sandal and lay down, naked, on his back, at the blanket’s edge.

“Where are you…?” she said.

“Here,” but it sounded, shaking the mask of his face, more like a grunt.

She fell against him, her flesh as warm as sunlight in the dark, slipped on top of him. Her knees slid between his. Happily, his arms enclosed her; he laughed, and rocked her to the side, while she tried to find his mouth with hers, found it, pushed her tongue into it.

A heat, whose center was just behind his groin, built, layer around layer, till it seemed to fill him, knees to nipples. The bone behind her crotch hair moved on his hip while she clutched his shoulders—but he did not get an erection.

They rocked, kissed; he touched, then rubbed her breasts; she touched, then rubbed his hand rubbing her; they kissed and hugged, five? ten minutes? He grew apologetic. “I guess this isn’t…well, I mean for you…”

Her head pulled back. “If you’re worried about it,” she said, “you’ve got toes, a tongue…fingers…”

He laughed—“Yeah.”—and moved down: his feet, then his knees, went off the blanket into grass.

With two fingers, he touched her cunt. She reached down to press his hand against her. He dropped his mouth; she spread her fingers, her hair pressed out between them.

The odor, like a blow against his face, brought back—was it from Oregon?—an ax blade’s first hack in some wet pine log. He thrust out his tongue.

And his cock dragged against the blanketing; the tenderer oval pushed forward in the loose hood.

She held his head, hard, with one hand; held his two fingers, hard against her hip, with her other.

He mapped the folds that fell, wetly, out, with his tongue; and the gristly nut in the folded vortex; and the soft, granular trough behind it. She moved, and held her breath for half a minute, gasped, held it again; gasped. He let himself rub against the blanket, just a little, the way he used to masturbate when he was nine. Then he crawled up onto her; both her hands, thrust between her thighs, caught his cock: he pushed into her. Her arms fought from beneath him, to lock, suddenly and tightly, on his neck. Holding her shoulders, he pushed, and retreated, and pushed again, slowly; pushed again. Her hips rolled under his. Her heels walked up the blanket, ankles against his thighs.

She clutched his fist like a rock or a root-knob too big for her fingers. Hunching and hunching, he pressed the back of her hand into grass; between her spread fingers, grass blades tickled his knuckles. As he panted, and fell, and panted, she dragged it, by jerks, to the blanket; dragged up the blanket; held it, finally, against her cheek, her mouth, her chin.

His chin, wet and unshaven, slipped against her throat. He remembered how she had sucked his thumb before and, taking a curious dare, opened his fingers and thrust three into her mouth.

The realization, from her movement (her breaths were loud, long, and wet beside him, the underside of her tongue between his knuckles hot), that it was what she had wanted, made him, perhaps forty seconds after her, come.

He lay on her, shuddered; she squeezed his shoulders.

After a while, she practically woke him with: “Get off. You’re heavy.”

He lifted his chin. “Don’t you…like to be held afterwards?”

“Yes.” She laughed. “You’re still heavy.”

“Oh,” and he rolled—taking her with him.

She squealed; the squeal became laughter as she ended up on top of him. Her face shook against his, still laughing. It was like something she was chewing very fast. He smiled.

“You’re not heavy,” he said, and remembered her saying she was four or eight pounds overweight; it certainly wasn’t with fat.

In the circle of his arms, she snuggled down; one hand stayed loose at his neck.

The contours of the ground were clear beneath his buttocks, back, and legs. And there was a pebble (or something, under the blanket?) under his shoulder (or was it a prism on his chain)…there…

“You all right?”

“Mmm-hm.” He got it into a depression in the ground; so it didn’t bother him. “I’m fine.”

He was drifting off, when she slid to his side, knees lapped with his shins, head sliding to his shoulder. She moved one hand on his belly beneath the chain. Her breath tickled the hair at the top of his chest. She said: “It’s the kind of question you lose friends for…But I’m curious: Who do you like better in bed, Tak or me?”

He opened his eyes, looked down at what would be the top of her head; her hair brushed his face. He laughed into it, shortly and sharply: “Tak’s been telling tales?”

“Back at the bar,” she said, “while you were in the john.” Actually, she sounded sleepy. “I thought he was joking. Then you said you’d been there in the morning.”

“Mmmm.” He nodded. “What did he say?”

“That you were cooperative. But basically a cold fish.”

“Oh.” He was surprised and felt his eyebrows, and his lower lip, rise. “What do you think?”

She snuggled, a movement that went from her cheek in his armpit (he moved his arm around her), down through her chest (he could feel one breast slide on his chest; one was pressed between them so tightly he wondered if it wasn’t uncomfortable for her), to her hips (his cock rose between his thighs and fell against his belly), to her knees (he clamped his together around hers) to her feet (he pushed his big toe between two of hers: and she held it). “Intense…” she said, pensively “But I like that.”

He put his other arm around her. “I like you better,” and decided that he did. Suddenly he raised his head from the blanket, looked down at her again: “Hey…Do you have any birth-control stuff?”

She began to laugh, softly at first, her face turned into his shoulder, then out full, rolling away from him to her back, laughing in the dark.

“What’s so funny?” He felt the length where she’d been as cold now as it had been warm.

“Yes. I have taken care of the birth-control…‘stuff,’ as you put it.” Her laughter went on, as light as leaf tipping leaf. “It’s just your asking,” she told him at last, “sounds so gallant. Like manners from another age and epoch. I’m not used to it.”

“Oh,” he said, still not quite sure he understood. And, anyway, he felt himself drifting again.

He wasn’t sure if he actually slept, but came awake later with her arm moving sleepily against his; aroused, he turned to her, and at his movement, she pulled herself half on top of him: She had been lying there, already excited.

They made love again; and fell into sleep like stones—till one or the other of them moved; and once more they woke, clinging.

So they made love once more; then talked—about love, about moons (“You can’t see them at all now,” she whispered. “Isn’t that strange?”), about madness—and then made love again.

And slept again.

And woke.

And made love.

And slept.