Текст книги "A Call for armed insurrection (СИ)"

Автор книги: Марат Нигматулин

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Af Call for armed insurrection. 

 

Dedicated to Alexander Tarasov. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are the main partisan! 

 

Hello, my dear schoolchildren! 

 

I won't do it for a long time. I know youdon't like to beat around the bush. Better get to the point! 

 

I hope you know what lawlessness is happening in Russia now. For those who are particularly ignorant, I explain that our government has become completely impudent. There is no point in arguing with this fact. Even loyalists have to admit it. The laws are unfair! Corruption is everywhere! The economy is in decline! The Internet is full of censorship! People are thrown in jail for every little thing! In short, everything is bad for us, and it will be even worse! Unless, of course, we decide to fix the situation... 

 

«How do we do this?» – you ask. Ah, my dears... The answer lies on the surface... However, let's not do this now: we will return to this topic later. 

 

Many people probably want to know why I turn to shkolota. It's very simple! Salot Sar (better known as Pol Pot) said: «Unaffected by bourgeois ideas, teenagers who have imbibed hatred of the oppressors make up the best material for the party of true revolutionaries.». But you never know what anyone said! After all, we are freethinkers and skeptics. This means that you will need proof. Moreover, it is not difficult to pick them up. 

 

For a start, look around. Go outside in a residential area. What is presented to the eye?! Everywhere there are downtrodden, exhausted, angry people. Every morning they get up at seven in the morning and go to work. There they work for their uncle until late at night. Then they return home. They go to the store and collect products. Then they hide in their burrow. There they relax. They lie down on the sofa, turn on some stupid TV show. They stare at the screen. At the same time, they eat chips and slurp cheap beer cans. When the gluttony is over, they go to their beds and fall asleep. Until the next morning. These people are your parents. Such revolutions will not be made. You understand that. A lot of these sheep to die from a stroke at the age of forty.

 

But you are not. First of all, because they are free from hard work. Of course, because your parents work my butt off. That's why they're so depressing. Aha, you will be happy here after twelve hours at the machine! And even talking about reading is ridiculous. At the end of the working day, a person wants to eat and sleep, and not plunge into the subtleties of Marxism. But you have a lot of free time. Others spend it on parties, drinking, and sexual pleasure. Others read books and go to listen to Kagarlitsky. It's not really that important. The main thing is that students have plenty of free time. Now let's get down to business. Lenin also said that «we must prepare people who devote their whole lives to the revolution, not just their free evenings».And such people, as you understand, should not be too busy... Get the idea? 

 

Yes, of course! You are best suited for the revolution. Students will not do! We're not the France of the sixties, not America. Our Russian students are creatures so pathetic that they bring tears to your eyes just by looking at them. These tears, however, are not caused by pity, but by laughter. I absolutely do not want to feel sorry for our students. And here's why. Our Russian student is a surprisingly cowardly animal. As soon as you talk to one of them about the revolution, they say: «Bro, I'm sorry, but they'll throw me out of the University for this. No, Iwill not participate in this.». These slobs are afraid of everything. The very name of the rector terrifies these cowardly creatures. At the mere sight of a police baton, they scatter. They only dream of one thing: to graduate from University and get a job somewhere. All they want to do is find a good job and spend the rest of their lives wiping their pants. Most students have no interests other than debauchery and alcohol. They are completely passive. Well, the state will have passive ones so that it will not seem enough. Whether it's you, my dear students! You are alien to all these student illusions about the fact that the main thing in life is to get a good job. As a friend of mine put it: «Every hooligan here is like Louis Corvalan!». Students we have the polls – the rebels, the nonconformists, almost anarchists!

 

But why is it this way and not otherwise? Well, first of all, schoolchildren in Russia are the most oppressed class. The government contains countless people whose only task is to ruin your life. Officials of the Ministry of education, agents of juvenile justice, commissioners for juvenile affairs, «social pedagogues»,child psychologists, social studies teachers and others, and others. So many freeloaders who are paid a salary for doing exceptionally harmful and destructive work! And all these rapists torment you every day! And all because you are disenfranchised. No one will argue with that. Teenagers are not allowed to vote. They even elect the members of Parliament, and themselves to be elected is even more so. This is not the end of the humiliation of school children. Our country has a shameful curfew. His statement is simply outrageous! The state considers our youth a threat! We shouldn't even talk about anything else. It is already clear that the rights of schoolchildren are violated in Russia at every step. Any of you, my dears, can easily become a victim of arbitrariness on the part of the school Director. Why, any teacher can make fun of you as he pleases. And «social pedagogue» – just a scourge of our society! Remember: «social pedagogue» – the first strangler of people's freedom! These bastards most of all cause problems to our teenagers. They're like detectives sniffing around. No small thing will go against their eyes. I demand your forgiveness for the frankness, but now you can't even have sex without fear! You seem to be doing everything right, you seem to be having fun, but you still feel as if a «social pedagogue» is going to crawl out from under the bed, grab you, and drag you to the underworld!

 

We know, however, that the most oppressed are not always the most revolutionary. Take a look at your parents. They are crushed by the System to the most don't mess around. But these creatures do not think of revolt! The reasons for this are clear. To become a revolutionary, you need to have a brain. In short, one brain is not enough for this. You also need willpower, courage, and a lot of other useful qualities. Without this, you are not a revolutionary. You're a piece of dung! But this does not apply to you! Our teenagers are smart and educated (unlike their parents), endowed with excellent properties of the soul. Do you know who a Russian schoolchild is? This is a man of the future who has fallen into the dark middle Ages! You have digital immortality, transhumanism, and the conquest of the universe in your head. And around –poverty, kvass patriotism and «social pedagogues». And you get sick of this contradiction. And what does a schoolchild turn into? That's right – a revolutionary! Yes, I say: every teenager is a spontaneous revolutionary! This means that the real revolutionary party is the party of school children! They will only form the core of such an organization. First the teenagers will rise up, and then everyone else will join in. Youth is a social bulldozer that paves the way for everything progressive. 

 

I know what each of you wants. All of you are eager to see the school burn down and the «social pedagogue» die in agony! 

 

This book will help you realize your dream. It tells you everything: how to deploy effective propaganda, how to collect explosive devices, how to conduct a guerrilla war. And most importantly: how to avoid punishment. 

 

Vietnam is close! The guerrilla war has already begun!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will be are terrorists! 

 

First of all, I would like to welcome my favorite drunks and just lovers of good rum in the morning. You are all very dear to me, my favorite alcoholics. I can't live without you. Who would I have been if you hadn't listened to me?! I would have been a mere nobody then, but now I feel like a king, although this does not contradict my communism in any way, because every Communist is a king, as Alexander Tarasov said. 

 

In recent years, all we have done is talk about terrorism. Wherever you put your ear, wherever you turn your eye, it's all about him. Yes, even if you only look at your phone or get drunk and lie under the fence, you will still hear how we talk about terrorism. But who's always talking about terrorism? 

 

It is known who: fat-fat aunts from TV screens. They usually have a number on their chest in size ten. Well, you know, these numbers are hung on cattle so that in case of loss, the finder can know who this pig or cow belongs to. But it may be written on the number plate of pigs and cows: «The Estate of the Lord of hosts. We ask the finder to return the animal to the owner.». But those fat and obese aunts who constantly talk about terrorism-those have something pathetic written on the numbers: «psychologist», «juvenile psychologist», «sociologist» or even «paleologist». In short, the latter is rare. 

 

And how they talk about terrorism! It doesn't matter what they say. The main thing is that they say very correct things. From the point of view of the authorities, of course. And they speak in such a way that it is impossible to accuse them of insincerity. A fat pig gets up in the TV Studio, shaking all thirty-eight of his chins, and starts yelling. And yells, and yells, and yells. Like an old Spanish poem: y canta y canta y canta. Only it's not quite like that. «Canta» in Spanish means «sing», but here we have more of a lament of Yaroslavna, and therefore here you need to write «clamor» instead of «canta». It turns out: y clamor y clamor y clamor. In short, it's even better. You see, we are already writing poems in Spanish. Let's get back to business. 

 

So, they start yelling. Here is such a drenched-drenched (and smoky) female voice... Well, as a woman... Like Vysotsky's voice, in short. That's exactly the kind of voice that starts yelling something inarticulate about terrorism. These women usually do not swear, but sometimes there are exceptions. In short, they Moo so that just any cow would envy, and if they shouted in the field, all the bulls-producers would run to them for mating games. But what are they shouting? «Terrorism is disgusting!» – they shout. «Terrorism is disgusting!» – they shout. In short, they talk such nonsense that it is impossible to listen. 

 

«Why discuss them?» – you may ask. Of course, even Flavius philostratus wrote that the ignorance of the rabble is unworthy of attention, but still... All those fat, oiled cows yelling about the dangers of terrorism on TV are a sign of the reactionary era. 

 

«What is the reactionary age?» – you ask. Well, I'll try to answer that. It is often said that the reactionary era is an era when the past becomes the future and the future becomes the past. If I'm not mistaken, it was written by Victor Hugo. But this is all vague and vague, because there is no living example. Fortunately, in a truly reactionary era, in which we all really live, you do not need to look for an example for a long time. Naturally, because life itself offers us one great example. Horribly vile and smelly, but such a clear example. Here, use your brain... In short, it is difficult, and I do not want to subject my Pets to the torment of labor. They will still have to undergo this torment in full, even if they finish school. 

 

I will choose an example for you myself. Teachers constantly tell us that the Soviet Union with it's free education is the past. In short, as well as free education itself. And free medicine is the past. And we don't need to go into space. We don't need science at all. Yes, art is also, in principle, superfluous. That's what they teach us at school. The teachers who tell us these things are standing right behind you right now, listening to my speech with pale faces. Perhaps they want to call the gendarmes to stop me. It is possible that they have already called. If the latter is true, then I need to hurry, so let's continue.

 

So, our teachers teach us that all the good things in our life that we inherited from the Soviet Union are the past. Now someone will reproach me with the fact that I, you see, love the USSR. Of course, we have people who hate the USSR. They went to Soviet schools, were treated in Soviet hospitals, grew up in Soviet homes, and then they hate everything Soviet. In short, the USSR fans amuse me too. Most of them tell us so: let's love the USSR, but not the whole of it. They say that we love repression-Yes. We will also love the military. And you have to love censorship, too. But free medical care and free education – this is the cost. We will not love this. These people are even worse than those who hate the USSR, because they hide their abomination. In short, we were distracted from the case. 

 

We are offered a future that is more like the past, but the past is not Soviet, but rather Imperial. The word "Imperial" can cause some excitement in our fellow citizens. The Empire is great. Well, if there are fans of getting a Cossack whip in the face, who think that this is very cool – then we can only be happy for them. This joy is not without Foundation, for now we are being offered Cossacks with whips again. «Why do we need to fly into space if there are Cossacks with whips?» – asks our government. They are not personally interested in space. The reason for this lies in the fact that the pigs, which are our gentlemen-deputies, carrying a hundred kilograms of pure fat with them, – can not lift up their snout and even look at the stars. And, as you can imagine, they will not even think of going there. Until, at least, there is enough slops on earth to feed them. When the slops run out, these fat pigs will probably die, but still do not dare to fly, because they are cowardly creatures. Do not forget, however, that people usually raise pigs not for beauty, but for food, and therefore if the slops for feeding pigs run out, it means that it is time to kill the pigs themselves for bacon. Yes, we fatten pigs in order to kill them for bacon! Even if these pigs are members of Parliament. Triste, sed vero, or, as the Americans now say: sed, but true. 

 

So we live in a reactionary age. Moreover, it has been so long in our country that only a few of the oldest old people remember what it was like to live in the progressive era. In short, few of them remember those times. Yes, the reactionary era has dragged on. It has been delayed so much that you, your parents, and even your grandparents know only the reaction. Therefore, if it is very easy to explain to you that there is a reactionary era, because you are children of such an era, then it will not be easy to explain to you the essence of the progressive era. In short, you're not too drunk right now, so I hope I can do it.