Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"
Автор книги: K. A. Linde
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"Man that was awesome," Brad crowed wandering up to Ramsey and clasping him on the back. "Haven't been up here since the summer."
"Yeah I forgot how killer the ride is," Jason said sidling up to Lexi. "You like it?"
Lexi smiled noncommittally though she had enjoyed herself once she had gotten used to it. The rest of the group seemed to all know each other. A few of the girls giggled about the ride up. One of them reached up and directly kissed a guy staking her claim. They introduced themselves but as soon as they were said she had forgotten them save for one redhead, Jessie, who kept eyeing her warily.
After settling in around the fire, the group began to roast marshmallows for smores and talk about some event that had happened in high school. Lexi wasn't really paying attention to the conversation since she didn't follow more than half the players involved, but she did listen to the next thing that was mentioned.
"Do you remember when you guys came up here after prom and she insisted on wearing that ridiculous long dress on your tiny dirt bike, Bridges?" Jessie asked her eyes shifting from Ramsey to Lexi.
Lexi glanced up at Ramsey who was glaring in Jessie's direction. "Yes I remember," he growled.
"That was a crazy night. I think I was dating Jeff Kensington," she said giggling. "He had such a crush on me. Would have done anything for me."
"I think he did," Brad said with a wink. The group laughed aloud at some private joke.
"Well not compared to…" she began.
"Jess we know the story," Ramsey snapped narrowing his eyes.
"Fine. Whatever," she snapped right back at him, reaching into a cooler, and pulling out a light beer.
Lexi's senses were on end from the conversation and she didn't even know what it had been about. All she knew was that he didn't want to talk about it, and she had a feeling it had something to do with her. She wanted to ask him what that was about, but she couldn't do it in front of all of his friends. This was the second conversation she had overheard about Ramsey with another girl. First his dad and now Jessie. She wondered if they were related…though she doubted it.
After an awkward silence, the conversation picked back up, but Lexi's mind was lost in Jessie's few sentences. Who was the girl that had come up with him after prom? She wasn't naïve enough to believe that they had driven all the way up here for no particular purpose.
A conversation came to her mind that she had with Ramsey when he had come to visit. He had claimed to never have a girlfriend…to never have been in love. Yet, he had snapped so forcefully at Jessie, Lexi couldn't help but wonder about the cause.
She knew there had been women in his life. The conversation had never drifted past that point though. She was still too anxious about her own past to push him to find out about his own. She knew that she would never fully rid herself of Jack. Despite telling him that she was completely over him after his actions, she knew she had only said that to hurt him. She still missed him and her heart ached for him whenever she allowed herself to think about him. They had shared something incomprehensible to most people, and it wasn't to be taken lightly. However, with Ramsey's help she was slowly thinking of him less and less all the while eliminating the baggage that she had always carried around with her. Now that she sat down and thought about it, Lexi realized she hadn't even though about Jack after the past two days of carefree fun with Ramsey.
Feeling Ramsey's fingers gently lace with her own brought her back to reality and she looked up at him and smiled. "What has you so entranced?" he asked her rubbing his thumb against her soft skin.
"I was just wondering," she began hoping to cover up her real thoughts, "why do you have roommates?"
"Hey," Brad said overhearing her question.
"I didn't mean it like that," she said backing up and correcting herself. "I just meant, well, I sound stupid…"
"You mean that I don't need to have roommates," he finished for her.
She nodded. He had all the money in the world. He could live wherever he wanted and do whatever he wanted. There was no need for him to live with two other guys. It didn't make any sense to her. She would have loved the freedom of living alone. Rachelle was great, but she had her habits that drove Lexi off the wall and vice versa. They did it out of necessity, not from choice. Yet, Ramsey had the choice and still he lived with two other guys.
"I don't like living alone," he stated simply. "I've always liked having people around."
"Oh, I guess that makes sense."
Ramsey looked at her for the first time since Jessie had made the comment which had completely altered his typically laid-back attitude. "Come with me," he said pulling her upright.
Lexi's eyes shifted to Jessie whose expression had changed at Ramsey's obvious affections. Her lip was upturned as she gazed upon them with distrust and disgust. Lexi's mouth popped open at the unexpected look, but before she could speak a word in questioning, Ramsey was tugging her in the opposite direction.
As she got farther from the fire, she wrapped her arms tighter around herself to keep from losing any heat. He guided through the woods in the darkness and down a path that she hadn't noticed. She could tell Ramsey had spent a good deal of time on this land with the ease in which he navigated the terrain. "Here we are," he said showing her to a park bench.
Lexi sat willingly unable to keep her teeth from chattering. "This place is beautiful."
"Yeah I love it up here, but I don't get to come up very often anymore with…everything going on," he sat next to her drawing her into his body
"At least you can make time every now and again," she murmured snuggling close.
"Yeah it's worth it," he agreed.
Lexi felt his hot lips press against her ear placing soft kisses down to her earlobe. At that point, he drew the skin between his lips and sucked causing her to shiver all over, but not from the cold. His lips moved to her neck sucking and nibbling until she could feel herself getting warm to her very core.
"Ramsey," she murmured softly causing him to pull back to look at her. When she didn't say anything further, he moved forward capturing her lips in a sensual kiss. He parted her lips with his tongue and began to explore the feel of her. She loved the familiar taste of peppermint that always seemed to permeate from him. A moan escaped her lips and her hands reached out to slide into his jacket. Her nails dug through the shirt and he took the opportunity to pull her into his lap.
As she came up for breath, his hands began to wander up her shirt cupping her breast in his hand. He massaged it through the thin bra she had on under her layers of clothing causing her head to fall back in ecstasy. She found herself grinding against him as he continued to work his magic. He hardened underneath her tempting body. His body couldn't help but react to her even though he knew they were taking it slow, but with the way she was moving it was certainly addling his mind.
Lexi gasped as she felt him beneath her jeans wanting nothing more than to continue where this was headed. However, the thought of stripping down was horrifying in the freezing temperatures. Already her exposed torso was bitterly cold. Despite everything she wanted to do, Lexi pulled back Ramsey's hand and slid her shirt back in place. She moved forward pressing her torso against his chest to gain back some warmth.
"Sooooo…cold," she chattered into his ear.
He chuckled wrapping his arms around her tightly. "I guess forty degree weather isn't the best time to try and seduce you."
"It was your choice to come up here. You set your own terms," Lexi reminded him. Lexi nibbled his ear and shook her hips back and forth just to show him how much she wanted to continue, as well as how much he was missing.
"Now that isn't nice." He gripped her hips tightly between his capable hands causing her to stop her movement.
"Ramsey," she murmured softly.
"Yes?"
"What was Jessie talking about?" she couldn't help but ask. She wanted to kick herself for being nosey. It was none of her business. His past was his past and she couldn't change it. It certainly didn't change how she would view him. Whatever Jessie was talking about was something Ramsey hadn't wanted to discuss. She hated that she had been a fool enough to bring it up especially after he had just admitted to attempting to seduce her. However, she couldn't keep herself from wondering. She couldn't keep herself from asking him either.
"Oh," he mumbled obviously uncomfortable. Lexi waited for him to decide what to do. If he wanted to continue, she would let him take his time. If not, then she would just revel in his warmth in silence. After a minute, Lexi was certain that he wasn't going to say anything, but he sighed and began speaking, "I dated this girl in high school who I took to prom."
"But you said you didn't have any girlfriends," she reminded him. He knew how she felt about lying. It wouldn't look good for him if that was the case.
Ramsey sighed again. "She wasn't my girlfriend. We just went to a lot of stuff together and so I took her to prom. Jessie was just going to tell a story about how we all came up here after prom. She stayed in her big red dress on the four wheeler, and then played Never Have I Ever with the rest of the group. We all learned a lot about each other and it eventually turned into more and…"
"You don't have to tell me the rest," Lexi said her curiosity not sated, but she hated making him sound so forlorn. It was like he was in his own personal hell just talking about it. As if he was ashamed of every word.
"Nah," he muttered moving her back to his side, "it's just I ended up fuck…sleeping with her next to the fire in front of pretty much everyone because she dared me I wouldn't. Everyone thought it was hilarious and never let me live it down when we're up here."
"Oh!" Lexi cried unable to keep the surprise from her face. She didn't care that he had slept with some random girl after prom, but it had still came as a surprise to her. She didn't know him all that well obviously.
"I wouldn't have brought you up here if I'd thought they were going to bring that up," he told her his green eyes glancing hesitantly into Lexi's.
Lexi shook her head. "It's not your fault. You can't change your past."
Ramsey shrugged. "Still didn't really mean for you to hear about me like that."
"As long as there aren't similar surprises continuing to await me then I think we'll be just fine," she told him nuzzling closer again. She felt Ramsey sigh in relief. "And if you'd brought me anywhere else, you might be getting some play right now," she told him cocking an eyebrow.
"Oh yea?" he asked his body coming alive underneath her at the implications.
"I do want you Ramsey Bridges," she told him as a matter-of-fact.
"And you shall have me whenever you like."
"Whenever?" she asked smirking.
"Well as often as possible with you in New York."
"So Ramsey does this make me just another of your girls that you'd take in front of a bonfire with people around?" she asked joking more than anything, though his answer was important to her.
"Oh Lexi, my Alexa," he said her name possessively, "you could never be just another one of those girls."
"So…what does that make me?" she asked knowing that she was pushing her luck. She wasn't really looking for any kind of commitment from him, but she couldn't keep herself from asking nonetheless. She did want some kind of definition to their relationship whatever that meant.
Ramsey turned to her capturing her lips in another searing kiss. When he pulled back his look was intense. "I haven't felt like this before Lexi."
Lexi's heart fluttered rapidly in her chest. She could feel her palms beginning to sweat. Her stomach was turning knots in anticipation. Her pulse was working on overdrive. She could feel her throat beginning to dry up as if she had swallowed cotton balls. She didn't know what was coming over her and why she was getting so nervous about one simple question and one simple comment. He hadn't felt this way before. Yet, he felt it about her. She wanted to jump up and down with relief.
"Lexi this might be bold," he began taking her hands in his own, "but I think the casual dating isn't working for me."
Her stomach dropped over from under her. Was he saying that he didn't want to see her anymore. Had she misinterpreted his statement? It hardly made sense with him bringing her up here to meet his friends. That wasn't exactly something you did when you decided you didn't want to date them anymore.
"I just mean that you know this back and forth isn't working for me. I don't like how this is all working out. It's too sporadic and hard to keep up with," he stammered out babbling on like the first time she had officially met him. It was always one of the cutest things about him.
"So what do you want?" she asked confused.
"I want us to be exclusive," he told her confidently. "I don't want to think that you're seeing anyone else. I want to see you as often as I can. I think about you all the time. I couldn't stand to be with anyone else with you on my mind, and I can't imagine you doing that. If I'm wrong, by all means, stop me from continuing, but if not then, please tell me."
"Oh Ramsey," she murmured breathily scooting forward ever so slightly and putting her lips to his once more, "I'm not with anyone else."
"Not entertaining the idea?" he asked cautiously.
"No."
"Then you're mine?"
She simply nodded basking in his gorgeous smile. The realization that she was in a relationship with someone, officially, for the first time since she had broken up with Clark during college hit her fresh. She was taking a leap of faith in Ramsey. As he melted her insides with adoring kisses, her mind filled with the joy of newfound happy memories.
And she didn't have one thought of Jack. Okay just one: he had never given her this.
Thanks to all my awesome reviewers: Cupid's Psyche, LoveAlways03 (for reviewing EVERY chapter! you rock!), Kelly Rogala, smiling believer, hayleytibbs, Fierce . Imagination, Sure as the Dawn, XxSkyxLarkxX, stanhops, Lala, loveisadoingword, WyldeLoneStar (can't wait for the conclusion to Wayward Home!), helena33139, Ms. Vengeance, and Haley's Comet. Thanks so much for everything. You guys rock and I appreciate every single one of you. Also, I love everyone who has added me to a favorite story/author, all alerts, PMs...everything!
K.A. Linde
Persistence
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...
-Rihanna and Neyo "Hate How Much I Love You"
Chapter 7: Present
"I promise," Lexi whined sliding out of Chyna's embrace.
"You promise, promise?" Chyna asked sticking her with a fierce look.
"Yes. Don't worry about me," she groaned.
"Last time I said that you went off the deep end," Chyna chastised her smiling all the while.
"Yes, well I was a year younger. So blame it on my innocence and naivety."
Chyna scoffed at her response. "Were you ever innocent and naïve?"
"More than you'll ever know," Lexi told her becoming serious as she leaned forward and kissed her best friend's cheek.
"Now remember what I told you. If anything starts to look like drama, high tail it out of there. Feel free to call me, but please just try and get through this without murdering anyone," Chyna said shaking her head. Lexi could see the look of disapproval across her face, but she couldn't change anything now. She was about to leave to board the airplane. Jack's wedding was exactly a week away, and for some absurd reason she had agreed to accompany Ramsey.
When she had sobered up the next morning and remembered all that occurred, she had nearly died of humiliation. Of all the things she could have done, why she had agreed to go to Jack's wedding was beyond her.
Yes, she had been cornered by Jack and he had sounded so sincere. She had wanted so bad to give him what he wanted that night. And somehow in her state of drunken helplessness, she had still managed to push him away. She was pretty proud of that fact at least. She couldn't count how many times she had just given into him under similar circumstances. Yet, after completely pushing him away, she had agreed to go with Ramsey to Jack's stupid wedding without any coaxing on his part. And as stupid as she was, she had flat out told him it was because of Jack. She had smashed her face into the pillow and screamed until her lungs hurt that morning. It hadn't helped anything except to increase her killer headache.
Still now that she knew that the wedding was only a week away, she was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. She had known all along that if she had found out about the wedding, she wouldn't have been able to stay away. And here she was about to board a plane that would take her into the thick of things. Real smart Lexi.
"I'll call you."
"Lexi please," Chyna cried throwing her arms around her again, "don't get sucked into his trap again. I know how you are with Jack."
"Chyna I'm not going to," she said weakly.
"Ramsey too! Watch out for him."
"Stop mothering me," Lexi said taking a step backwards. "I'm going to be fine. I can handle Jack and Ramsey all by myself. Jack is insignificant. He doesn't even matter. I'm not there for him. I'm there to support Ramsey, because he needs me. Despite what happened, I think we may still have a shot." Chyna rolled her eyes. "I might be going crazy and I know you think I deserve better, but we'll give him a chance."
"Another chance," Chyna mumbled.
"Yes another chance and if this week doesn't work out, then I'm done," Lexi told her more confident than she actually felt.
"For real done?"
"Yes for real done."
"Then you can move onto your Mystery Man?" Chyna asked conspiratorially.
Lexi blushed trying not to smile too wide. "We're not discussing him. It's not like I'm going to be dating him or anything. I haven't seen him again and honestly, I don't intend to."
"What?" Chyna burst. "Come on you were all bubbly after you rendezvous with your stranger and now you don't even want to see him again? Insufferable!"
"He's unimportant. I have too much to deal with," she said evading the question.
"Fine. I'm going to find out who he is eventually, you know?" Chyna forewarned her.
"I'm sure, C. Until then, wish me luck."
"You're going to need it."
Lexi laughed at her friend, but didn't disagree with her. She was going to need a lot more than luck to get through this week sane.
Ramsey picked her up when she landed safely in the Atlanta airport. It was refreshing to walk out of the doors and see his slick black Mercedes idling in traffic. She hadn't wanted to admit it, but she had missed him.
It had only been two days since her run in with the bachelor party, which hadn't really given her much time to digest what she was doing. She wondered if Ramsey had planned it this way. He had waited until the wedding was just a week away before bringing the subject up which they had avoided for an entire year. That way she wasn't allowed time to brood about her decision. Ultimately, he had probably feared that she wouldn't have gone with him. And she wasn't sure exactly what she would have done under different circumstances.
Yes she was drawn to Jack, and the wedding that had ended that relationship. But at the same time she wasn't sure if given the chance to think about it, that she would have been able to talk herself into going or out of going. The back and forth that she had endured for just the past two days had been excruciating enough. She couldn't imagine what it would have been like if she had had an entire year to make a decision.
Regardless, she had made her decision and needed to stick with it…come what may.
"Hey Lexi," Ramsey said as he opened the car door. Lexi's breath caught at the sight of him. He had obviously come straight from brunch at the Country Club which she had thankfully missed this time around. His black suit was crisp and tailored to his build. The light blue button-up with a black and silver striped tie wrapped around his neck completed the outfit. She couldn't tear her eyes away from him.
It was like the first time she had officially met him when she had been caught checking out his ass after walking out of the bathroom. There really was just something about Ramsey. He was so extremely tall and with that beautiful golden blonde hair and green eyes, he just made her melt. Then he smiled, and she could remember a dozen other times when that smile had been the cause of some momentous event of the past year…the cause of her own smile. His smile lit up the world. They were perfectly straight and white, but beyond that, when he looked at her, his smile always reached his eyes.
She sighed at the handsome man before her and made her way in his direction. Before she had a chance to lift a finger to put her luggage in the trunk, he was there. She dropped her bags as his arms came around her waist. She was hoisted off of her feet as he held her against him. "I missed you," he breathed into her ear.
A smile returned to her face. She closed her eyes and breathed in his familiar scent of peppermint basking in his affection for the moment. When she didn't say anything in return, he gently placed her back on her feet. She could tell he was hesitant about how to react to her after everything that had happened between them. She wanted to tell him that she missed him, but Ramsey wasn't the only one that was hesitant.
She was here for him. He needed her and refused to take anyone else. Perhaps she was a masochist, but that didn't mean they could just pick up as if nothing had ever happened. A lot had changed in the month that they were apart, and she was the first that knew that they needed to work on their issues before anything could be settled.
Ramsey lifted her luggage and stowed it into the trunk before settling back into the driver's seat and merging into traffic. "I uh…" he began uncertain of how to begin, "I well, I wasn't sure…we hadn't discussed…"
Lexi could tell how nervous he was, and in the back of her mind she was kind of glad. "We haven't discussed what?" she asked tentatively.
"Where you're staying," he said glancing in her direction.
"Oh," she murmured realizing that they had both overlooked this small fact. She had assumed she would be staying at his place, but at the mention of where she was staying, she realized that maybe that wasn't the best idea. She could control herself around Ramsey. She had discovered early on that she was could stay in control if need be. The only problem was if she wanted that. At times she liked to lose control. And she was afraid with everything that was going to go on this next week that her body and mind weren't going to exactly be in accord.
"I can get you a hotel if you want," he offered though she could tell that was the last thing on his mind. "Is that what you want?"
Lexi wished that she could answer that question without any complications. "I'm not sure," she mumbled glancing out the window.
"Look, I'd rather you stay at my place. A lot is going to be going on and it would really just be easier if you were with me," he said rationalizing the situation.
She knew that was logical. It would be much more convenient than having him pick her up before they went anywhere. But that wasn't really the issue though. "Is it going to be like before?" she asked hesitantly.
He glanced over into her face judging her question before responding. "Lexi I'm not going to lie and tell you that I don't want it to be like before." She could tell that as he spoke, he was gaining the confidence that she so loved about him. "I'm not going to push it though. I know that we have things to work through, but we're not going to solve everything in a week…especially not this week. And since you're only here for a week," he spoke the words forlornly, "I suggest you have a good time. You're just going to be miserable if you dwell on everything, and the last thing I want is for you to be miserable.
"So just stay with me. I know a month isn't enough time to forgive me." He reached over and gently held her hand. "I know that, ok? But I'm working on it. I promise you that I am."
Lexi wanted to ask him how. She wanted to know how exactly he was working to make everything better. She knew he likely wouldn't answer though. Once he had everything worked out the way that he envisioned, and then she would know, but not before then. So it was useless to even try to argue. He was right. She needed to just relax and enjoy her time in Atlanta even if that time happened to be at Jack Howard's wedding.
"You're right."
"I know," he said smiling when she scoffed at his statement and tried to yank her hand away from him. He held on tightly and she had no chance of escaping. Drawing her hand up to his lips, he placed a light kiss on the center of her hand before releasing it.
"So," she began trying to keep the tingling feeling of his lips on her skin from overtaking her senses.
"So?" he asked as they approached his apartment.
"What does the brother of the," Lexi gulped hard the next word tasting like vinegar when she said it, "bride have to do this week?"
Ramsey smirked playfully knowing how difficult it was for her to discuss this with him. "Well, as a groomsman I have much more to do than as the brother to the bride."
"You're a groomsman?" Lexi asked astonished.
"Uh yeah did I not mention that?" he asked sheepishly.
"No."
"Well why did you think I was at the bachelor party?" he asked incredulously.
"I don't know. I didn't really think about it. If anything, I just assumed it was because of Bekah."
"Well it was because of Bekah," he told her. "She added a bridesmaid and forced me upon Jack."
"So you just ended up planning the bachelor party from there?" she asked arching an eyebrow.
"I do have the most experience with that kind of stuff Lexi. You know that."
"Oh I know," she grumbled. "Well, how long have you been a groomsman?"
"Since about November, I guess."
"November?" she cried. "As in last November? As in almost a year ago November? You've known as long as we were together?"
"Lexi you didn't want to talk about it, and I certainly wasn't going to bring it up," he said defending himself.
"Yeah, but Ramsey, November?" she groaned.
"You didn't want to have anything to do with the wedding plans. But I couldn't escape them. I kept you hidden from what was going on because that's what you wanted."
"I just didn't want to know the date or talk about Jack and Bekah. Something like you being a groomsman I would have been interested to know," she said astonished at how much he had been able to keep from her.
Ramsey scoffed at her proclamation. "You would not have been interested in that information. It would have just been another reminder of what you weren't looking for, and I didn't want to be that reminder to you. I wanted to be the…the future," he murmured the last word softly.
Lexi closed her eyes and counted backwards from ten. She knew that she had been insufferable for the past year about anything to do with the wedding. He was probably right that she hadn't wanted any clues about what was going on, but his ability to hide things from her was not her favorite characteristic about him…especially not right now. "Okay," she finally breathed tucking a lock behind her ear, "what does the groomsman have to do?"
"Much the same as usual I suppose. The bachelor party," he said glancing at her slyly. "Then we have a few dinners this week and a fitting before we jump right into the wedding plans," he proceeded hesitantly. "Rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, pictures, wedding, reception."
"Right of course." Lexi turned her gaze out the window and watched the passing buildings. Her head was feeling slightly dizzy from all the wedding talk, but she was trying her best to hide it. The fact that Jack would be married in less than a week still hadn't hit her yet, but it was getting awfully close.
"We don't have to talk about it…"
"I'm going to the wedding Ramsey. We're going to have to be able to talk about it," she spoke strongly, taking a deep breath, and turning back towards him. He nodded. "So what are you wearing?"
"I can't spoil the fun. I want your mouth to drop when you see me."
"It already does," she murmured.
"Good to know," he said smirking.
"Don't get cocky," she told him smacking his arm. The smile that broke out on his face told her that he was about to make a response about just how cocky he was, but she stopped him, "And don't think about responding to that."
He laughed his eyes shining. "I have no idea what you're referring to."
"Sure. Sure."
Lexi was pleased that at least for now they were acting normal. She knew it wouldn't always be this way, but things were looking up. She had discussed the wedding without physically gagging, and Ramsey was being himself again. It was a relief that he didn't feel that he had to walk on eggs shells around her. She wasn't sure what she would have done if that had been the case. They weren't exactly on solid footing, but she could handle this.
Ramsey maneuvered the car onto his street slowing down as they approached the apartment. Lexi's eyes darted to the driveway where a very pretty, very new, black BMW sat. She admired the car from afar picking out the blue and white logo easily on the back of the vehicle. She couldn't tell what the model was but it was slick and slightly sporty. "Who got a new car?" she asked eyeing the missing license plate.
Ramsey sighed heavily as he looked upon the car sitting in his driveway. "No one."
Lexi looked at him questioningly. "Well then…"
"It's Jack."
Lexi's mouth went dry at the statement. Her stomach did a flip-flop at the thought of seeing him. She could feel her brain kick into overdrive. One part of her desperately wanted to see him. She wanted to run into his arms and feel his body against her own. She wanted to forget everything that had happened. She wanted her world to be tipped off its axis and bask in the goodness of his love. This was the part that she so readily repressed. The other part wanted to spit on him in disgust at his very being. She wanted to find the highest building in the city and push him off of it. She wanted to destroy his life and everything in it. She realized that she repressed that side in his presence as well. The worst thing she could do is be completely indifferent.
