Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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"Yes, I'm pulling in now," she told him as she directed her car into the first available parking space.

"Call me to let me know what happens alright Lex?" he said. "I want to know that I'm right…that I held up my promise."

"Sure Jack," she said sadly as she hung up the phone. She couldn't even consider how ironic his statement was. She raced into the Emergency Room lobby and to the woman behind the desk.

"Name," she said dryly not looking up from her clipboard.

"My father had a heart attack. I need to see him," Lexi gasped out.

"Name?" she asked turning to her computer flippantly.

"George. George Walsh. My name is Lexi. I'm his daughter," she breathed out as fast as possible.

"Yes. Mr. Walsh is up the stairs and down the hall. Room number 205," the woman told her just barely glancing at her over her horn-rimmed glasses.

"Thank you," Lexi said before darting down the hall. She skidded around the corner at near break neck speed and took the stairs two at a time. She slowed as she approached the much busier hallway. She took a light jog as she followed the line of numbers down to the one she had been assigned.

Lexi pushed open the door to her father's hospital room and stepped in. "Daddy?" she whispered into the sunlit room tears streaming down her face again.

Her father's eyes fluttered open briefly in recognition before closing again. His breathing was labored and he looked as if he had just run a marathon. His skin was almost a green color and he was soaked through with sweat even though the hospital room was frigid. Despite this, a faint smile appeared at the edges of his lips upon her entrance. "Hey….ba…by," he breathed out before falling silent again, the effort to speak taking too much out of him.

"Hey," she cooed rushing to his bedside, planting a soft kiss on his forehead, and falling back softly into the waiting bedside chair. "You don't look too good old man," she said jokingly. It took everything she could to chuckle softly. She could tell it was straining him to pull up the corners of his mouth, but that didn't stop him.

Lexi pulled out her phone and quickly sent a text to her mother to let her know that her husband was still alive. She didn't want to leave his side long enough to make the phone call. She knew her mother was likely still in hysterics and the thought of being out of the room for long enough to deal with that seemed too much to grasp right now.

A nurse scrambled in the doorway and Lexi snapped her head around at the disruption to the quiet of the room. The only thing that had been constant was the deep wheezing breaths her father was taking and the slow beeps emitted from the machine next to his bedside. The woman stopped in her tracks when she saw Lexi sitting in the previously unoccupied chair. "Well hello dear," she said a bit too brightly for the circumstances.

"Hi," Lexi squeaked out. "Is he going to be okay?"

"Oh he is going to be just fine. The doctors will come in and explain everything to you shortly. You're his daughter I presume?" she asked waddling over to her father's bedside. Lexi nodded mutely as she watched the nurse begin to fiddle with the IV stuck into his hand. For some reason Lexi hadn't even realized it was there. "Well I'm just going to monitor the ECG until the doctor arrives."

A short while later her mother bustled into the room. Her face was still covered in tears and at the sight of her husband hooked up to machines, she fell into another round of hysterics. Lexi stood and allowed her to take the seat at his side that she had occupied. She watched her mother reach out tentatively and grasp his hand in her own. She stayed there staring at the love of her life, the man she had spent the last thirty years with, the man she had had three children with. Lexi wondered if she would ever be as happy as them one day.

Just then the doctor walked through the door. Lexi turned around to face the door as the small brunette entered her nose buried in his chart. "Well let's see what we have here," she began. "George Walsh. Age forty-nine. Heart attack. Overall I'd say you are rather lucky under the circumstances, Mr. Walsh." Finally she looked up at her patient.

Lexi released a short gasp at the recognition between the two. "Parker?"

The doctor looked between Lexi and the patient she had just been addressing and back. She was clearly thrown off that her personal life had somehow managed to wiggle into her work environment. "Lexi?"

"You two know each other?" Lexi's mother asked glancing back and forth between her daughter and the doctor who she realized looked just like Lexi. Lexi and Parker both nodded. "But…you look so much alike," she said wistfully.

"We've heard that before," Parker answered returning to her paperwork quickly.

Lexi forgot how shy Parker could be in uncomfortable situations. "This is my father," she stated even though the fact was now obvious. "Sorry I'll just…uh wait outside. I just need some air. I'll be back in a minute mom." Lexi rushed past Parker and out into the hallway. She took a deep intake of the stale hospital air. She was sure that she was overreacting, but being in the same room with her at such an emotional time had just felt wrong. She needed to leave. She needed to get out of there.

A seat had been placed outside of one of the rooms and she slumped into it. All she wanted to do was shut her brain off. She closed her eyes and pressed her palms to her temples in an attempt to stop the pounding in her skull. A tear fell from her eye as the pressure from the last couple hours seemed to settle on her body. She just wanted to go home, cuddle up with some double chocolate ice cream, and cry herself to sleep. She had almost lost her father today. It wasn't a feeling she was soon to forget.

Lexi looked up when her father's hospital door opened again and Parker exited. Instead of turning away, Parker walked down to where Lexi was sitting, crying. "Hey let's go get some coffee," she said her voice lowering comfortingly.

Lexi wiped at both of her cheeks and stood slowly. "Don't you have to get back to work?" Lexi asked though she was extremely grateful for the offer.

Parker shrugged. "I'm in need of a break. They can still run without me for awhile."

"Sure," Lexi said following her down the hall and into the coffee shop. "I didn't know you worked for the ER." She ordered a large black coffee. The caffeine was exactly what she needed right now.

"They just have me in the ER when other doctors call out. I'm usually in surgery," she told her. Parker ordered a small coffee and doused cream and sugar in it as soon as it was pushed across the counter. The two found a vacant table and slid into their seats. "Sorry about your dad," she spoke softly.

"Me too," Lexi murmured.

"I think he's going to be okay now though. Your mom will keep a close watch on him and I prescribed some blood thinners," she told her reassuringly. "He'll only have to be in the ICU for a day or two."

"Thanks," Lexi said forgetting she was talking to a woman that she had so many reservations against. "I really…just thanks for everything you did."

Parker blushed at the words. "It's my job," she said dismissively.

"Yes well it's admirable. I mean I'm just a blood sucking lawyer," Lexi said with a chortle at the end that she really wasn't feeling.

"I'm sure you do good too," Parker responded quickly.

Lexi shrugged noncommittally. She wasn't sure what to say. Instead she just took another long sip of her coffee and let the caffeine fight her ailments. If someone had told her a few days ago that she would be having coffee with Parker or that her father was going to have a heart attack, she wouldn't have believed them. But here she was at the hospital and both things were true.

"Lexi?" Parker asked hesitantly looking down into her coffee cup. "Can I be honest with you?"

Lexi looked up from her own coffee and stared at Parker speculatively. She wasn't sure she wanted to have this conversation…whatever it was. "About what?"

Parker bit down on her bottom lip. She released a long sigh before meeting Lexi's gaze. "About Ramsey," she said barely louder than a whisper.

Lexi's stomach dropped. Here it was. Everything she had been waiting for. Everything she had suspected. She had known all along deep down that there was more to the story. She had always wanted to believe what Ramsey had told her about his relationship with Parker, but the story had never settled right with her. She wasn't sure what it was about it. Maybe it was the way that Jessie had talked about them the first time Lexi had met Parker over spring break. Maybe it was the looks that they so easily passed between them. Maybe it was just jealousy after everything she had dealt with in her life. But whatever it was, she was about to find out.

Lexi gulped hard. "What about Ramsey?" she asked her hands shaking.

"I just…I…Lexi you have to know I don't like to lie. It's not in me to lie," she said seemingly trembling with the weight of what she was trying to say. "I didn't want to hold back everything from you." Lexi felt a numbness fall over her. Lies. Hidden information. None of this could be good. "I don't really talk about what happened, but I just didn't think it was fair for you not to know. I can tell that ya'll are getting serious, and I…" she faltered pushing her hand up through her hair before continuing, "well, I would want to know if the roles were reversed."

"Know what?" Lexi asked leaning forward in anxiety.

Parker shook her head forcefully and pushed herself back against the chair. "I'm sorry. I can't talk about this." She stood abruptly scraping her chair against the tiled floor.

"What?" Lexi gasped louder than expected. "You say all of that and then refuse to explain?"

"I'm sorry. You don't understand what I went through with him," she told her trying desperately to keep her voice even.

"What did you go through with him?" Lexi asked frantically unsure she would ever get the truth out of anyone if Parker didn't confide in her right now.

Parker glanced around the busy coffee shop realizing that she was drawing attention to herself. A few of her colleagues were looking at her sudden outburst curiously. She smiled reassuringly in their direction and took her seat again. "I wish he had just told you," she whispered resting her elbow on the table and sinking her chin into her hand.

"He told me that you guys were old family friends and like…friends with benefits," Lexi told her hoping to get some kind of confirmation on the story.

"Friends with benefits?" she gasped lightly. "He actually said that?" The hurt was evident in her voice. It was so apparent that Lexi immediately knew that the statement was false. There had been much more to their relationship. No one could fake pain like Lexi had just seen in Parker's eyes. Lexi hated confirming what she had just told Parker. She seemed to be in a trance when she spoke next.

"We were inseparable," she said the words as if they were more than a fact as if the words were etched in stone. "Of course I had a crush on him when I was younger. Bekah and I were best friends growing up. It was easy to have a crush on him when he was two years older. I never expected him to ever see me as anything more than his little sister's friend," she told her as if she had transported through time. "We started dating my sophomore year of high school. He was a senior. He didn't care about the ridicule or slander that came our way when we together. I was a year ahead of everyone in my grade so I'd be graduating only a year behind him. He always told me the age difference didn't matter. That we'd be together in the end.

"He settled on Tech to stay in the city…to be close to me. His parents wanted him to go to a private school: Princeton, Stanford, or Duke, but he swore he wouldn't leave me." Her hand dropped from her chin and she stared down into her coffee. "He was only there for a year before he transferred to Duke when I started my first year. His parents were proud of course. They were already…planning our marriage since I had always been the perfect influence on their rebellious son."

Lexi shook her head unable to believe this tall tale. This was about as far from Ramsey's story as Parker could possibly get. He had claimed never to have a girlfriend. He had never been in love. Her insides were icing over. No. He had never had any of these things before her. Now she was finding out that not only had he had a girlfriend, but his parents had been planning for them to get married likely since childhood.

"But it all went wrong," Parker gasped grasping her cup firmly with both hands as she tried to hold back the tears that were clouding her eyes.

"What happened?" Lexi asked surprised she even had a voice. She felt like she was living someone else's life right now. She couldn't believe that these things had actually happened. She had gone through too much time in one day. She was having delusions. Her fears were catching up with her. She had gotten stuck in a soap opera where everyone lied, everyone hid information, everyone was deceitful.

"Oh God, it all happened so quick. I'd been feeling sick for about a week. It was during finals," she told the story as if she had gone back in time and was still there. It was clear that she was trapped in her memories. "I'd asked for an extension because of the sickness. I just couldn't stop throwing up.

"I was finally able to hold down a meal and I raced over to Ramsey's. I hadn't seen him since falling ill because we didn't live together. Our parents would never have allowed it of course," she said swiping the tears from her blood shot eyes. "He was drunk…terribly drunk. I'd never seen him so drunk. His roommates were there with four or five mostly naked girls. I looked like hell and worse I felt like it, and there he was having a raving good time with some girls that would have sucked his dick at a snap of his fingers." The vulgarity surprised Lexi almost as much as the situation and her mouth fell open. She covered her hand with her mouth as she imagined the scene before her.

How could he have done it?

"I lost it. I just snapped. I screamed at him, yelled at him, called him every dirty thing that I could think of. It made me sick to my stomach and I had to rush to the bathroom. He was just as vulgar. I remember him telling me that all I cared about were my studies, that I'd changed, that he couldn't even see the old me anymore. He said more things that I hate to even imagine, but he was so drunk, he couldn't stop himself.

"I remember telling him he was a spoiled rich brat who would only ever amount to as much as daddy's money allowed. Then I left, and as he slammed the door behind me he told me never to come back," she said a tear falling slowly down her right cheek.

Lexi gulped hard her coffee long forgotten. "Is that how it ended?" she couldn't help asking.

"I wish," she said meeting Lexi's chocolate brown eyes. Lexi couldn't imagine it getting any worse. "If only I'd known then what I know now," she said forlornly. "I was pregnant."

Lexi gasped her chest beating frantically as the pieces fell together. Of course she had been sick, throwing up, her emotions rampant. It all made sense. He hadn't known. How could he have known? "Did you tell him?"

"It is my greatest regret that I did not," she stated sadly licking her dry lips. "I was angry. I couldn't forgive the things he had said to me. I was only nineteen after all…still too young…for everything."

Lexi stilled as the realization hit her. Ramsey could have a child with the woman sitting in front of her. "He has a baby?" she asked.

Tears really did spill forth from her eyes at that statement. "No," she breathed. "I finished my exams, transferred back home to Emory. By then I knew for certain and even if I tried to hide it, the baby was alive inside of me and growing every day. The last thing I wanted was for him to know. I hid it from everyone. I only left the house to go to classes and even then I restored to wearing sweats everywhere. I didn't even risk seeing a doctor I was so ashamed. My parents were terrified and wanted me to see a shrink. They thought I was depressed," she said with a sharp laugh. Lexi didn't think anyone could blame her for being depressed under the circumstances.

"But one day Bekah showed up at my apartment." Lexi cringed away at the name. "I didn't want to let her in, but she insisted and pushed past me. Well of course she could tell that something was different…that I was bigger. I'll spare you the details of the following days with her holed up in my apartment with me. Suffice it to say that I ended up miscarrying."

"Oh no," Lexi breathed the sorrow of the story beginning to overwhelm her.

"Bekah convinced me to tell him. When I finally went there, it was another bad night. It was storming the entire drive up to Durham. He was alone, but drunk again. I don't know why I expected any less. I hadn't seen or heard from him since I'd left his place that night I'd walked out on him. When I got up the courage to tell him, he called me a liar. He'd gotten it into his head that everything was my fault that night…" she paused unable to go on as she clutched her chest.

"Well when Bekah finally got to him, she made him feel like a worthless piece of shit. He called and visited and tried to repair everything we had had, but I couldn't do it. There was too much hurt and though he didn't give up for quite some time, I could never really get over what had happened to me. It's the reason I had pushed through to medicine," she sadly slumping back in her chair as if to show that was the end of her tale.

Lexi couldn't believe it. How could this be the same Ramsey that she knew now? How could any of this be true with what she knew about the man she had fallen in love with? It didn't add up. It just didn't make sense. He wasn't this person. He was so much more than that.

Why would he lie? It was such an elaborate story though. She had to admit it did all fit together, but still it didn't make sense. He had no reason to tell Lexi that he'd never dated, loved, or that Parker was nothing more than someone he had fucked and left…just like all the other girls.

She stood up abruptly the weight of the story heavy on her shoulders. "Don't come near me, my parents, or Ramsey," she said pointing her finger at Parker menacingly. She couldn't believe it. The story was too much.

"Lexi," Parker pleaded looking up at her through pained eyes.

She had gone through too much in one day. Her brain couldn't process any of it. She couldn't think of what all of this would mean if it were true. She couldn't think of shattering the one perfect picture she had of an individual. And so she stumbled away from the coffee shop and back up to her father's bedside to wait out the agony of the day.

Thanks for all my reviewers as ever!: Cupid's Psyche, sweets1103, GreatStory, helplessromantic285, taurus09grrl, Kelly Rogala, Leanna, Bkimmer, spunkyorange, jennalizing, tyanaaa, Electric Monk, Ashley Nikole, merelycantabile, crissy19 (i got it right this time), Ms. Vengeance, buffyeesummers, madkatter, supernova15, Pumpkin Kween, Taciturne, and its . mine.

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K.A. Linde

Mental Breakdown

Oh, a simple complication,

Miscommunications lead to fall-out.

So many things that I wish you knew,

So many walls that I can't break through.

-Taylor Swift "Story of Us"

Chapter 19: Present

Lexi walked into the empty restaurant with Ramsey at her side. Her hand was tucked neatly into the crook of his elbow. The other hung limp at her side. Her hair had been pulled high on top of her head into a tight twist revealing her slender neck, which was typically hidden beneath the locks. Her make-up appeared light though she had taken the time to conceal herself from the awaiting crowd. A polyester, slim-cut dress in the palest of purples shrouded her body. Her calves, thighs, and buttocks were accentuated in her tan pointy-toed mules. She had taken unusual care in her outfit knowing she would hardly be exempt from judgment on a night like tonight.

Ramsey appeared as gorgeous and perfect as ever. His suit fit to perfection tailored specifically for the evening. His golden hair, so fitting for the Golden Boy of the Bridges empire, shown in the setting sun. His green-gold eyes glittering splendidly in the shining light.

And though Lexi's anger welled inside of her, as still so much had been left unspoken between them, she could hardly deny the beauty that so easily entrapped so many woman…Lexi included. She fought the urge to consider beyond that beautiful face to the man that she still wondered if she really knew.

Tonight was not a night for such contemplations. When the wedding was over…when the week was up, she would get her answers and they could decide from there. She didn't know what lay ahead of them, but she could figure that all out later. She could decide then if everything was truly worth saving. She shook the thoughts from her head not wanting tears to begin to form in her eyes. The only thing she wanted to show as she sat through this rehearsal dinner was indifference.

Indifference to it all. Ramsey. Jack. Bekah. Parker. It could all wait until the end of the week. She had made a promise to endure the week for him, and she wouldn't go back on it.

A collection of round tables were placed around the back room they entered with a rectangular table at the front of the room. A large projection screen had been fitted on the wall behind the table. The screen was white with navy blue lettering displaying:

Rehearsal Dinner

In Honor of the Union Between

Jack Harrison Howard

and

Rebekah Caroline Bridges

Saturday, August 8th

Somehow seeing those words together made it all seem much more real. Lexi had never seen the save the date or the invitation for the wedding. She had never witnessed their names joined together in such a ceremonial fashion.

She didn't stop and gape or gag or feel revulsion at the sight before her. All things she would have felt previously, but somehow they felt unimportant at the moment. In the end, she was sure they would get what was coming to them, but tonight she could only manage indifference and hope it passed, however terribly, for acceptance for what would transpire the next afternoon.

"Are you ready?" Ramsey whispered his lips barely moving as he stared down upon her. Lexi gave a slight nod and allowed Ramsey to continue forward to their assigned seats. Each table was intricately detailed with tiny silver plaques engraved with the guests name on it in scrawling calligraphy.

Lexi's chair rested next to Ramsey's near the front of the room. She didn't fail to notice that she had been stuffed into a corner or that Parker's name was scribbled on the nameplate on the other side of Ramsey or that the next closest person to her was an old relative on the bride's side who appeared to be senile. Still she took her seat calmly and willingly hoping that a lack of disruption would make this night conclude quicker.

"I'm going to go check on my sister," Ramsey said brushing the top of her hand before departing the room. He had effectively deposited her at her seat and disappeared. So much for a fun evening.

Lexi sat in her corner as the room filled with friends and relatives of the couple. She was happy to supervise and people watch the interactions before her. She had been to a number of weddings. She had even been the maid of honor at Olivia's wedding straight out of college. As her best friend, Lexi had arranged everything for her, done everything for her.

And yet, this was nothing like anything she had witnessed previously. Everything about what was taking place between Bekah's guests and Jack's seemed forced and strained. Lexi wasn't sure what was the real premise for this, but she assumed it had something to do with Jack marrying into such exorbitant wealth. The meeting of the families and friends seemed practically humorous especially to someone who knew the couple as well as she did. Or perhaps she saw what she expected to see.

Jack's family wasn't poor by anyone's standards, but they clearly didn't have the money that the Bridges' were accustomed to. His family simply wasn't as…polished as Bekah's family. Her parents were still happily married…well happily is a matter of opinion. They had two children: one boy and one girl…and a partridge in a pear tree.

Jack on the other hand has two older brothers – ten and fifteen years older than him. Both are from a previous marriage on his father's side, and both are married with several rambunctious children running around the room in circles…screaming. Most people would have found this adorable, but all Lexi can guess from the whispering of Bekah's relatives is that children are supposed to be kept separate from the party festivities.

Not only this, but his parents are divorced. And despite the fact that nearly 50% of marriages now end in divorce, it appears that this is completely unheard of. For some reason, Lexi is reminded of the reaction the Brits must have felt at King Henry VIII breaking with the Catholic Church to cast aside his wife and take up with Anne Boleyn. The disgrace and shame that the old woman sitting next to Lexi spoke of, even in her senile state, is practically medieval by modern day standards.

Still Lexi held back the smirks and snide remarks that she could have easily snapped at them. She knew things about Jack and his family that would made their heads spin if revealed. She was one of his oldest friends, and even though she hated admitting it, she would have preferred to defend him in this scenario. It's not his fault that his parents were both previously married with children before getting together. It's not his fault that they then got divorced when he was in high school. These are choices of his parents, not him. None of this was what he chose. And if they really wanted to sink him, they need look no further than to what he had done in his time. Clearly none of that had been revealed. Bekah's father surely wouldn't allow her to marry a philanderer.

No. What she could say would hurt him far more than his family's misgivings. Yet, she remained seated watching and listening to the whispers and side-long glances between the two families. What was occurring was entertaining enough in its own right. Lexi pointing it out or even pushing it over the edge would only ruin her own perverse pleasure in the circumstances.

Seth and Sandy's entrance was the first thing that pulled Lexi out of her trance. She couldn't exactly deny that seeing the two of them gave her great pleasure. Seth was Jack's best man and lifelong best friend. They had grown up together long before they had been college roommates. And Lexi had known the best man longer than even his wife had.

Lexi's appearance at the rehearsal dinner didn't seem to faze Seth as he strode across the room to greet her. She knew not whether he had been warned of her presence or could just simply pick her out of a crowd, but his stride was undeterred. "Lexi love," he crowed arms outstretched as he swaggered towards her.

She scooted her chair back and stood. The appearance of Jack's oldest friend made her smile blossom as visions of his beach house burst into her mind. "Seth," she murmured against his chest as she leaned into his hug, "it's so good to see you again."

"You look fucking gorgeous," he said with a low whistle pulling back to examine her body.

She smiled coyly as if she hadn't put in the effort to get ready. "Thanks," she replied though her eyes remained guarded.

"You know I'd love to be the one tearing that dress off of you later," he said nudging her shoulder.

Lexi rolled her eyes realizing how little men actually changed. "Tell that to your wife."

"You know that I do," he said his eyes finding Sandy in the crowd. She seemed to realize he was watching her and glanced his direction. Her cheeks flushed at the intensity of their stare.

Lexi sighed pulling her own eyes away from the couple radiating with a passion and love that she could only attribute to newlyweds. "How are you and Sandy?" she asked though she could see with her own eyes that things were going well.

Seth, who had never been guarded a day in his life, shined like a beacon of light from the top of a lighthouse. His eyes which broke contact with his wife across the room turned to Lexi. His smile was radiant and his eyes glowed with pleasure. "Now don't go spreading it around," he said with barely contained excitement, "but we've just found out. We're having a baby."

"Oh Seth!" she cried truly ecstatic for the young couple. She couldn't believe it was happening so quickly, but she couldn't hide her exuberance for their news. "That's wonderful!"

He beamed brighter practically bouncing up and down. "Yeah I think it's a boy. Sandy isn't sure yet, but I am. It's a boy. I'm gonna be a father!"

"Congratulations! I'm really so happy for you both," she said giving him another hug.

"You'll come down for the shower? I know Sandy would want out to be there," he said getting ahead of himself.

Lexi smiled but her happiness had been stripped from her face. She had no idea where she would be in a year. She didn't know if New York would even still be her home. She was still waiting to hear about the bar. Not to mention potential jobs she had applied for across the country. She didn't know if she would have Ramsey then…

The what ifs hung so heavy over her that she felt crushed under the weight of the uncertainty that lay ahead.

"We'll see Seth. I'll let you know for sure once you have a date," she told him.

He smiled again unperturbed by her noncommittal answer. "Well come say hey," he said grabbing Lexi's wrist and yanking her towards the center of the room.

"Uh…alright," she said though she wasn't exactly certain that she should just be wandering around the room like the rest of the friends and family. She wasn't exactly either. Seth rushed them back to his wife. Sandy's hand instinctively went to the belly of her baby blue dress as they approached.