Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 26 (всего у книги 32 страниц)

"What?" he breathed sitting across from her and staring up through his sad eyes.

"Is this what this is all about? You found someone who looked like her and thought you could recreate your past…fix all of the horrible things that you did?" she asked hating that these thoughts were even passing through her mind. But she needed to ask him. She needed these things out in the open.

"Lexi no," he whispered earnestly into the darkness. "You were nothing like that."

"Then what was I?" she challenged. "You can't deny that we look alike. My mother even said that we looked alike."

"I know you look alike," he responded softly.

"Then that's it. You saw me at the club and wanted to fuck me because I looked like your ex-girlfriend," she said the words so matter of fact that she actually believed what she was saying. What kind of person could possibly sink so low?

Ramsey sighed heavily seeing for the first time what a terrible thing he had done in keeping a secret from Lexi. "Yes."

"What?" Lexi snapped facing him wearily.

"That night at the club…that was my intention," he told her honestly. "I wanted to sleep with you because you looked like her and even then, years later, I still missed her."

Lexi's mouth hung open at the admission. She hadn't thought that he would really say it out loud to her. She had hated herself endlessly for the suspicions that Ramsey had only gotten with her because she looked like his old fling. Hearing the words out of his mouth though was a thousand times worse.

"That's why you said you knew me again at the Country Club," she filled in.

"Of course, I would recognize you anywhere," he mumbled feeling about as worthless as he had the night Bekah had stormed into his apartment to yell at him about Parker.

"And that's why you pursued me."

"Initially," he said barely audible, "but you were more than that."

"Of course," she said shaking her head and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "You're disgusting."

"Lexi please," he begged and pleaded moving closer to her and reaching for her. She shook him off and wandered over to the window to stare out in horror.

"You are so much different than Parker. Besides your looks, you two are nothing alike," he said trying to reassure her. "You made me forget her. You made me able to move on."

"How can I believe you?" she asked her tone dead, lifeless.

"Our relationship was real whether you choose to believe it or not," he intoned. "I did and still do love you just as much as when I first told you that night at the beach. You are the only woman I could think of being with from now until eternity. Please try and believe me when I say it."

Lexi just shook her head again forlornly. She was having trouble believing anything anyone was telling her. First, Parker with her sad tale of loss of both Ramsey and their unborn child. Now, the tale twisted on its head and gruesome stories of an abortion. Neither side could possibly have the whole truth. There might be glimpses of it, but reality was different to different people. No one story held the truth about everything and she knew all too well that listening too intently to either one was a misgiving on her part. Both likely believed their story and would carry the truth to their grave, but that didn't mean that either story was what had actually happened. This only made her own decisions about Ramsey more difficult.

"Ramsey I just…" Lexi began turning to face him just as the door burst open.

"Ramsey I really need to talk to you," Parker cried panting a little as if she had just sprinted down the hallway. She was still in scrubs like she had come straight from the hospital.

He stood shakily and stared between the two women in his office. "About what you told Lexi?" he growled.

Parker's lips parted as she realized she had just walked in on Lexi and Ramsey. She nodded. "Uh yeah…I told her."

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K.A. Linde

Truth

Anything to make you smile

You are the ever-living ghost of what once was

I never want to hear you say

That you'd be better off or you liked it that way

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do

No one's gonna love you more than I do

-Band of Horses "No One's Gonna Love You"

Chapter 21: Present

"Now you all know my dear brother," Bekah said a little too cheerfully. "He's been off running his own business and being a star. But we're thrilled to announce that he is finally coming home and taking on as the position as vice president for Bridges Enterprise's newest company." After a short pause, she continued, "I'm pleased to announce along with this new development that the new wing of the company is going to be a full-time medical wing, and to head up our medical wing with my brother is none other than our own Parker Mackenson. Parker come up here!" Bekah shrieked excitedly.

Lexi sat completely still. She wasn't even sure if she was breathing properly. She watched as Parker eased out of her own chair hesitantly. She glanced in Lexi's direction and gave her a sympathetic look. Lexi didn't even know what that could mean. Clearly they had been planning this whole thing from the beginning. How could Parker feel any sympathy for what she had done?

A round of applause followed the newest development for Bridges Enterprise. Lexi had always thought that Ramsey had no desire to be affiliated with the company that his father ran. He had always made it clear that what he wanted in life didn't have to come from the wealth that he had grown up in. The reason that he owned the strip clubs and the night clubs and the bars, the reason that he stayed out late at work every night, the reason that he put so much effort into doing something completely against his upbringing was because he never wanted to be a part of his family's lifestyle.

He was his own man. He had his own dreams and aspirations. He may look the picture perfect boy that she had met a year ago at the Country Club, but he was so much more. He was defiant. He was strong willed and hard working. He didn't need them. And that's what really ate them up. Ramsey did fine all on his own. He made a living. He owned his own townhouse. He outright owned his own beach house and the cars and all the glitz. This was all his in his own right. His family couldn't hold it over his head that they were supporting him. They couldn't make him feel bad for giving him a job and owing his livelihood to them. He was a Bridges man at heart, but he had never been able to be controlled by them. Their money, their prestige it wasn't him.

He had scorned every push and shove from them to join the company. He had a trust fund with so many digits that it made Lexi's head spin, and yet he hadn't used it! He chose to do his own thing and to start his own business. And yet, here he was standing in front of his bitch sister as she proudly announced the prodigal son's return to their empire.

This couldn't be his decision. This was not Ramsey, not the Ramsey she knew at least. He couldn't have changed this much in one short month. She still thought she knew who he was…or at least the man that she had gotten to know in the last year. This must have been going on for much longer than this. No way would their father have allowed Bekah to make such a momentous announcement if things hadn't been in some form of finalization.

How had the news media not latched onto this yet? It really must have been brand new. Otherwise this would have been all over the news. She would have already heard about it. The Bridges name was just as commonplace in New York as in Atlanta especially if you were listening for it. She certainly would have seen a copy of the Wall Street Journal or the New York Times with a spread about the Atlanta native family broadening its horizons. Yet this was happening, and she was sure that it would be discussed on the news networks in the not too distant future.

If this was happening, then how had Ramsey gotten involved? What was he going to do with the clubs? She never really approved of the clubs, but right now everything, anything was looking better than working side by side with his repugnant family and…that woman.

That thought really made her eyes narrow. Who had put this thought into his head? There was no way that his father had actually worn him down. Ramsey had been arguing his case against his father for fifteen years. Nothing could break him in that cause. He and his father simply butted heads. They were too different and also too similar in so many ways: stubborn, strong, unyielding. He would never give in if he thought that it was what his father wanted. That would be the last thing he would want to do. Defiance kept him strong in a way. Lexi knew it even if he couldn't openly admit it to himself. Being the one who broke away from his family gave him power that he had never been able to have when he was under their regiment.

Bekah maybe? She couldn't see him giving into her either. He loved his sister. That much was obvious. They were two peas in a pod. They had grown up close and after everything with Parker, they had only stayed that way. But even her eternal nagging wouldn't be enough to bring him back.

He knew everything she had put Lexi through. He knew the terrible things she had said to her. He knew what a conniving, manipulative bitch his sister had turned out to be. Even if he loved her like a good brother always would, he would never put up with her ruining his life. She had a grip on him that would never loosen due to a childhood bond no one would ever fully understand, but he was still smarter than that. He saw her for what she had become just as much as the younger sister he doted on and cared for.

That left the woman who had just made her way to stand loving next to him. She watched Parker fidget in the onslaught of attention directed her way. Her smile didn't exactly reach her eyes, and she kept glancing in Ramsey's direction uncertainly. Lexi didn't know what they were saying to each other in that look, but she hated that they had the capability to talk to each other without uttering a word. She was jealous of it. She could admit that. Even after everything…everything she was still jealous of that fact. Despite his lies Lexi didn't want to see him with her. She didn't even want to think about it. Thinking about Parker made her chest pinch at how easily everything had crumbled with the introduction of that woman.

Had she put him up to this? Had Parker been the cornerstone to this whole project? She was fresh out of med school, just finished up her residency and she thought that she could run a hospital? Lexi wanted to laugh at that. The girl was smart, but she wasn't a genius. She couldn't run a hospital alone.

Lexi clenched her jaw. No, she wouldn't be doing it alone. She would be doing it with Ramsey. Ramsey would be at her side. Ramsey would be the one that she would go to in her time of need. She would have him with her for everything. They would spend all their time together. She tried not to show her distaste at the thought, but she was sure it was shining through loud and clear.

This would be a perfect set up. Bekah and their father getting Ramsey back in the business. Bekah getting her best friend back with her brother. Parker and Ramsey ending up together. It was almost too good of a ploy. Lexi didn't know how Ramsey couldn't see through it. He was too smart not to see what they were doing to him. They were deciding his life all over again. Everything he had done up until this point just faded away with a distant memory, because they got him back. His past accomplishments would be nothing compared to opening and running the newest branch of Bridges Enterprise.

Lexi felt sick. She suddenly felt very sick. Her stomach grumbled and she quickly covered her mouth as the taste of bile rose in her throat. She swallowed hard and gulped down the water left over from dinner. Her ah-ha moment mere hours earlier crept into her mind, but she pushed it down. She couldn't do this. She needed to get away. She could face her problems tomorrow. She could face Ramsey tomorrow. Parker, Bekah, and Jack could all wait for her to not feel like she was going to vomit on them at any second. She wasn't running away from her responsibilities…she was running away from the idiocy that was her life. How could a man that claimed to love her not tell her the truth about one fucking thing? How could he hold back something so important as a complete 180 degree career change from her when she had been living with him at the time? There would be time later to face up to her responsibilities. She wanted answers, but she wasn't sure if now was the time or the place that she wanted them.

As discreetly as she could manage, Lexi pushed back her chair, walked around the outside of the circular tables, and slipped out the back entrance. Leaving the overcrowded room filled with expectations nearly made her dizzy. She breathed in the restaurant air and headed quickly for the bathroom. Lexi pushed open the door and walked quickly to the mirror. She stared forward at her reflection and sighed heavily. To a stranger she would appear all but flawless, but Lexi could tell that she was off. Her tan skin was too pale and if she looked too closely had a tint of green from where she had felt sick. Her lips were pursed in distaste. Some small beading of sweat was splattered across her hair line and under her nose. She snatched a paper towel out of the dispenser and quick blotted her face dry. She wasn't any more satisfied with her reflection, but it didn't matter.

Taking a deep breath, she did the one thing that she could think of even though she knew this wasn't going to be good for her either. She picked up her phone and dialed Chyna's number. The line was eerily quiet for a Friday night when Chyna answered. "Hey chica," Chyna said happily into the phone. Lexi had no idea what was going on. Last she had checked, Chyna was normally out partying and drinking every weekend since she had returned from Milan. Lexi couldn't understand why she would be somewhere quiet already.

"Chyna, it's so good to talk to you," Lexi said more exhausted and desperate than she had intended.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" Chyna asked dreamily seeming to read her mood. Lexi quickly filled her in on the situation at hand. She told her about Jack doubting the wedding, about the bachelorette party, about Ramsey having been with Maddie, about him agreeing to this company with Parker. Chyna listened the whole time without a word. Lexi didn't know what to make of it. After she finished, Chyna sighed heavily. "You're determined to get yourself in trouble aren't you?"

Lexi paused and actually thought about what her friend was saying. She kind of was determined to get herself in trouble. Why was she always in these miserable situations? Was it more her fault than anything? She didn't want to contemplate it. There was too much to think about. "I guess so."

"I knew this would happen," Chyna said with a dramatic sigh. "I told you not to go see him, not to go to this wedding."

"I know."

"You know but you don't listen. You never listen Alexa," she said exasperated.

Lexi knew she was right, but it didn't make it any easier to hear. "I guess."

"No, you know," Chyna chided her. "You know he's bad for you or at least that he lied to you on multiple occasions just like you knew that Jack was a philandering ass. You let these guys use you up until there's so little of you left I can't even find my best friend." Lexi nodded mournfully even though she knew that Chyna couldn't see her. "It's worse this time because you know better. Ramsey is not Jack and yet you allowed him to do this to you all the same."

"I know Chyna," Lexi said sadly. "I know I did."

"Now you can't just walk away from it all. You put yourself in this position and you are going to get yourself out of it. Do you love him?" she asked abruptly throwing Lexi off guard.

"Yes," she answered without taking the second to think about it.

Chyna sighed again, but different this time. She seemed almost resigned to Lexi's inflexibility, to her determination when it came to men that were bad for her, men that she allowed to hurt her. "Then you can't run away from this Alexa."

"I wasn't…"

"Yes you were! Don't you dare lie to me!" Chyna said barely raising her voice but somehow making it more commanding than Lexi had ever heard before. "You were calling me for a way out. Well I don't have one. You need to talk to him! You need to get your answers. Just don't do it like you did with Jack last year."

"I wouldn't…it's not the same," Lexi said meekly.

"No it's not," Chyna agreed willingly. "You're not infatuated with Ramsey. The element of obsession is out of the picture which might be the best thing that could happen for you. If you really love him and not the way with Jack where he infects your very being, then you need to clear the air. At least then you'll never have to wonder. You'll never have to think about what it could have been."

Lexi knew she was right…hated to admit that she was right. She wanted to run. She wanted to high tail it in the opposite direction and not look back. The last thing she wanted to do was face down the man that she loved to find out once and for all why he had done this to her. Why he continued to lie to her. Why he continued to put her second best in his life. She wanted to be the strong confident woman that she knew she could be, but it was so difficult. The thought of confronting all of her fears left her frantic.

"I can practically hear your brain working over the line. What are you going to do?" Chyna asked.

Lexi sighed heavily circling the rather clean bathroom. She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to fly back to New York and binge on chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with her best friend for the next couple days. But she also knew what she needed to do. She needed to stay and see this thing out. Wasn't that the whole reason she had gone through all this mess this week to begin with?

It wasn't going to be like the time with Jack. She couldn't possibly imagine Ramsey doing anything so terrible as proposing to Parker or something equally as ridiculous. She didn't trust Parker. She didn't particularly prefer them to be together, but Lexi didn't think they were at that stage. If there were any more secrets that she didn't know about, she wasn't sure how she would be able to handle it. But she knew now that she had to handle it.

"I'm going to stay," Lexi said with a note of finality in her decision.

Chyna let out a deep breath. "Thank God. I don't have to cancel the airlines tickets."

Lexi laughed at that statement. Chyna had so much money that she would probably just never get around to canceling the tickets. She wasn't concerned with that at all. However, this was the first Lexi had heard about her having airline tickets. "Where are you going?"

"Atlanta silly. You thought I was going to make you go through that wedding alone?" Chyna asked as if this was the most ridiculous thing she had ever considered.

"You're coming here?" Lexi asked loving how well her best friend knew her.

"Yes, well, I guess I should tell you the news," Chyna said almost hesitantly. Lexi waited anxiously for Chyna to explain. "Adam and I are kind of trying to be more serious again," she almost whispered.

Lexi's stomach dropped straight out of her body. She gulped hard taken off guard by the sudden revelation from her friend. Her and Adam had decided not to date once she had gone to Milan, and Lexi had more or less thought it was over between them. Chyna clearly still had a thing for him even if she hadn't admitted it, but she hadn't thought they had been seeing each other since they had been back. Chyna had been back to her old self of partying and random guys every couple nights. "Re…really?" she stammered out. "When…uh when did you guys start talking again?"

"I guess when you left," Chyna said and Lexi could hear the smile in her voice.

"Oh…uh that's great Chyna. I kind of thought that you and Adam were done."

"Me too. He'd been kind of aloof since we took our break, but this week has been better. He's coming to Atlanta with me actually. He said that he wanted to be my date and said something about needing to talk to you."

Lexi gulped. "Did he mention what it was?"

"I don't remember," she said waving away the statement. "Didn't seem that important at the time."

"I'm sure it's nothing," she murmured into the phone thankful that Chyna wasn't listening too clearly to her tone.

"Well we'll be in tomorrow before the wedding. Call me and let me know how things go with Ramsey. Love ya chica," she said before ending the call.

Lexi leaned back against the cold marble counter top and allowed her vision to go hazy and her breathing to slow. That conversation had done less to prepare her for her conversation with Ramsey than she had thought. It suddenly felt like everything was starting to catch up with her. She hadn't wanted to think about anything else when she was mentally preparing herself to deal with Ramsey. Yet here she was lost in her own world unable to get out of her own mind. She had so much going through her mind that she would have to steel her mind for what was about to happen over the next day.

The door creaked open and an elderly woman walked in. She waddled over to a stall keeping her eyes downcast as if she didn't want to know for what reason Lexi could possibly be leaning against the counter, glassy-eyed, and unmoving. Lexi was sort of grateful that social propriety dictated that people stay out of each other's business. The woman washed her hands and made a hasty exit. Just as the door was swinging closed, Lexi heard a voice that she had been anticipating.

"Yes a woman in the restroom fits that description," the woman said in a high-pitched voice as she teetered past Ramsey.

Lexi took a deep breath before following the woman out of the room. "I'm right here." She was surprised to find that her voice was calm and strong. "We need to talk," she said arching one eyebrow at Ramsey as he stood in front of the bathroom door. She nearly smiled at the irony of seeing him in front of a bathroom since their first "real" meeting had been in the same location.

He ran his hand back through his hair and looked down at her sheepishly. "Yeah we do. Can we go somewhere?" he breathed out.

"Where?" she asked staring up into his face. She could tell that he was worried about how this conversation was going to affect their relationship. She wondered if he had noticed her slip out the back immediately or if it had taken a minute to notice her departure. She hadn't been able to take her eyes off of him and Parker standing so comfortably next to each other, but she had no way of knowing his reaction or his thoughts. She had no idea what he was thinking about at all.

"My place," he said immediately. "I want to get out of here."

"Should we bring Parker along to verify your story?" she asked maliciously. She just couldn't help herself. She couldn't hold it back. Who knew if when they got back to his place he was even going to tell her the truth? Could she trust that he wasn't going to just lie to make himself look good or to hide what actually happened? He had done that before. Clearly he had done it at least sometime recently to keep her from knowing about this job.

"No, we don't need Parker to have a legitimate conversation. I've been wanting to talk to you all week, but you kept postponing this moment. And I had no idea Bekah…" he paused midsentence and released a sigh. "You know what? Let's just talk about this at my place. I'll pull the car around," he said with a note of finality and walked towards the door without looking to see if she was following.

She was a little surprised that he was so determined to talk to her about this. She had been avoiding the much needed conversation, but it wasn't like he was exactly eager to tell her all of this either. After the way their last talk had gone, she couldn't really blame him. Lexi glanced back at the rehearsal dinner. Someone had left one of the doors propped open and she could see people milling around inside, talking, and carrying on. Parker's body appeared at the entrance and somehow even though the room was dim and Parker had no way of knowing Lexi was even standing there, she turned and looked her full on in the face. There was that damn sympathetic look again. Lexi just couldn't place why she kept getting that look from Parker. She was part of the reason that Lexi was in this mess to begin with. There should be no sympathy from her of all people. Yet there she was her head lightly cocked to the side, eyes open wide, brows slightly furrowed, mouth popped open just enough to make her look surprised, and wearing that expression like she felt every ounce of Lexi's pain.

Shaking off the similarities between them, Lexi turned from Parker and sauntered across the busy restaurant, out the door, and to Ramsey waiting patiently in his Mercedes. The drive back to his place was surprisingly short even with the dead quiet in the car. Lexi took a seat on his comfortable leather sofa when they arrived back at his place, waited for him to take a seat in an opposing chair, and then stared intently into his face.

"Are you going to tell me about this new business venture?" she questioned him clasping her hands together to keep from tucking her hair behind her ear habitually.

"I..yeah," he said leaning forward in the chair and resting his elbows on his knees. "I don't know where to start."

"How about from the beginning? Or with the truth," she muttered her gaze piercing through him.

"The truth right," he said nodding to himself. "Well, the medical wing of Bridges Enterprise has been something that I've been hearing about since I was in diapers."

Lexi's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Since you were a kid?"

"Yes," he told her. "It's my father's dream. It's the one thing he's always wanted to do with the company, but had never been able to." He paused before continuing.

"Well he seems to be getting his wish now doesn't he?"

"Let me tell the whole story," he cut in quickly. Lexi sat back further against the couch and waited. "My grandfather had four daughters and one son, and all he wanted was boys. It was really hushed up, but he more or less left his daughters with nothing when he died. He gave them enough to live on by all means, but my grandfather was old school," Ramsey grumbled. "He thought that a woman's worth came from her husband, and once she had a husband, she was no longer her father's problem," he said the word like it was the most disgustingly archaic thing he had ever discussed. Lexi listened absorbedly unsure of how this all fit together.

"Anyway, my father inherited practically everything plus the business and it's been his obsession ever since. In his eyes, he is still the son struggling to please his father by building up the business. And I swore I would never be like that."

"But you are now," Lexi mumbled under her breath.

"I…God I hope not," he said his green-gold eyes staring deeply into her own. She fidgeted and looked away from his penetrating gaze.

"What do you mean? You're the new vice president right?" she reminded him

"Yeah…no…yeah," he said arguing more with himself than anything.

"Then what are you doing? You said you didn't want to be like your father, yet here you are doing everything he's ever wanted you to do. You don't even want to do this," Lexi couldn't help stammering out.

"I'm going to try to answer all your questions, but let me back up first," he said running hand through his hair again. "From the beginning right?"

Lexi nodded slowly. She couldn't believe how uncomfortable and worried he looked. She had never really seen him quite like this. She knew that he wasn't a hundred percent confident about everything, but sometimes it felt like that. He exuded so much self-confidence that to find him in an uncomfortable state felt foreign to Lexi. It must have felt just as foreign to him by the way he kept readjusting his posture and pushing his hand through his short blonde hair.

"The medical wing was what he always thought would be the next best thing for the company," Ramsey began. "It made the company a full-service industry: lawyers, accountants, and doctors all under the same roof…metaphorically speaking. I thought he would just forget about it eventually, but it seemed to be something that faded with time and then rekindled almost without notice. I can't even tell you how many Club meetings I had been to where my father discussed this newest project with anyone who would listen. I'd actually heard some of his closest friends talking about how that project was never getting off the ground. It was hugely embarrassing." A blush crept up on his tan face as he remembered the incident.

"Well, when Parker told my father she was pre-med for the first time, I saw that light in his eyes that I'd seen before. And I was right. He badgered me about the new medical wing, that I was pretty certain would never exist, for the next couple years."

"But it is going to exist," Lexi said wanly.

"Yes," he said nodding.

"And with Parker?" she asked her brown eyes looking up at him sadly.

"Yes, but not for Parker."

Lexi shook her head side to side. "Then who is it for, because she's one of the few I can think that are benefiting from this."

"You," he said quickly. "It's for you."

"Me?" she asked a giggle escaping her. "Oh Ramsey you must be deluded to think that this is for me."

"Lexi, it is for you. I'm working to make things better for you," he said earnestly.

"How?" she demanded, standing. "By giving up the things you love? By making yourself miserable by being daddy's prodigal son? By working side by side with Parker every day? I'm sorry Ramsey, but these things don't make me happy. And you know what? You would know all of that if you had just bothered to ask me, if you had just bothered to include me in your plans."