Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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"Can't anyone else see the truth but me?" he demanded turning around in a quick circle his arms out before him as if pleading with an unseen audience.

"What's the truth?" Lexi asked harshly. "It's hard to when you've lied about so much else."

"Did she skim over the parts about Bekah's involvement?" he asked taking the argument back to day one. He had never been able to put the pieces together properly at first. He realized suddenly one day quite some time ago that it was because he had been missing a piece. Bekah's involvement was the trigger, and he knew that Parker hadn't told Lexi that.

Lexi looked at Parker whose face had gone as white as a sheet. "She told me she would save me the details," Lexi said knowing for some reason that it was the answer Ramsey had been expecting.

Ramsey gritted his teeth in an attempt to keep his anger in check. Of course, she had skimmed over the details. Parker still refused to see what she had actually done. She held herself together behind a wall that he had never been able to break through. "Did you ever wonder why she wanted to save you the details?"

"No, I just thought it was personal. I didn't really know there was a connection."

"I understand why you didn't see it to begin with," he growled a man possessed. She could see it all over him that he had been obsessed with this very issue at one point. The look of figuring out what had happened that week had taken him over, and he hadn't been content until he had figured everything out. "It took me a long time to finally realize what had happened in that week."

"Ramsey," Parker pleaded her voice shaking with every syllable. "You put the pieces together wrong. They didn't happen that way." By now Parker's body was trembling just at the very thought that he was going to bring up his idea of what had happened between them. That had been the most traumatic experience of her life, and him treating it so cavalierly in front of her made her nauseous.

"What are you trying to say?" Lexi asked.

"Parker saved you the details of my sister going over there and convincing her to get rid of the baby," he stated stoically.

Lexi couldn't help it, she gasped. "No," she murmured not wanting to see what was in front of her. "You think she did that? You think that about your own sister?" She had to ask. She hated Bekah, but to do that against your own brother who she loved. Lexi found it hard to believe.

"After everything you know about Bekah, you somehow can't believe that she would do that?" Ramsey asked in disbelief.

Lexi thought it over. She didn't have a good opinion of Bekah. In fact, she thought Bekah was one of the worst person she had ever met. She despised Bekah. But this even seemed low for her.

Yet, Lexi knew how Bekah operated. No matter how much she loved her brother. No matter how close their bond was, she still only worked one way. She did whatever directly benefited her. Lexi knew that she was like this first hand. She had only invited Lexi down to meet her with the intention of destroying her relationship with Jack so Bekah could have him all to herself. So how could this benefit her? How could her convincing Parker to have an abortion benefit her?

Lexi just couldn't draw a connection. This was Parker's best friend. They had known each other since childhood. It was her brother's baby. Granted, it was a baby that he didn't know about until it was too late, but still…this was going to be Bekah's niece. Why would she just get rid of it?

Then it hit her. It felt like a light bulb had been turned on in her mind. She knew exactly how Parker getting rid of her baby niece would benefit Bekah. It would safe her reputation and the reputation of her family. Bekah would never want to be involved in anything that was scandalous…anything that could somehow come back to be directly related to her. It didn't matter what damage emotionally this would do to her brother or Parker. It didn't matter how this would ultimately destroy their relationship. It didn't matter that she would lose her best friend…or at least the easy relationship they had once had. All that mattered was what irreparable damage this would do to her family's status. All she could possibly think about was how this would affect her in this situation.

Lexi knew Ramsey must have come to this same conclusion. He knew Bekah better than anyone else. For some reason it seemed more logical than any of the other things that had been confessed all night. Bekah was a big enough bitch to convince her own best friend to get rid of her own brother's baby without telling him to save the Bridges name.

"She did it for herself," Lexi murmured softly seeing it clearly.

"How did you come to that same conclusion?" Parker asked standing a bit too quickly. She wobbled heavily on her two feet as she stared slack jawed at Lexi.

"Because it's the only thing that makes sense," Ramsey responded.

"It doesn't make sense. Why would I lie about this? I know what happened. I was there," Parker told him. "And you weren't."

Ramsey shook his head despondently. "Let's not have this argument again Parker. Please. I know I wasn't there. I know I made mistakes, but not anymore or less than you did. Can we please drop it?"

"How could you even look at her again once you figured it out?" Lexi asked in disbelief that he could still be a devout brother.

He shrugged getting that knowing look in his eye. "She's my sister. She might have done some terrible things, but I love her. How could she have known what this would have done or that I would have ever figured it out?"

Lexi thought it was incredibly short sighted to believe that Bekah didn't know what it would do. Bekah played a game. She wove her web and typically knew exactly where the pieces would fall. Then again, Lexi was a bit jaded about Bekah's involvement in any scenario.

"Well," Lexi said spinning on Parker, "I guess since I know about as much truth about that situation as you both can agree on, can you at least tell me that he hasn't lied to me about anything else? Do you know if he's lied to me? You two have been awful chummy since you got back to town. I'm sure you would know something."

Parker gave Ramsey a knowing look before quickly turning away. "I…I don't know."

"You think I can't see what's going on here? I see the looks between you two. I'm not stupid," she yelled at the both of them. "I've done a lot of stupid things before and I've lied and I've made mistakes, but this is just different. I've come clean about my past, about everything. I've put it behind me. And to think that you don't even have the decency to do the same…to even tell me about it. To try and hide it behind silly looks that you two pass between each other. Well I've had enough!"

Ramsey ran his hands through his hair unable to believe that this was really happening right now. After everything he had gone through to get to this point, everything was slipping so easily out of his fingers. "I lied about something else," he admitted.

"What?" Lexi cried sinking into a chair in disbelief. "After I stood here and yelled at you for however long, you still held something back from me. What? Have you and Parker been seeing each other behind my back? Have you been cheating on me just like you cheated on her?" she asked throwing her hand out in Parker's direction.

"I never cheated on Parker," he gasped out his head looking into Parker's hurt face. "Did you tell her I cheated on you?"

"No, Ramsey, I didn't," she said hating this conversation more and more. She had kind of implied that he had cheated on her, but she hadn't come right out and said it. She knew it wasn't the truth that he hadn't done it, but that night still hurt her to think about. "I swear. I would never make that mistake again."

"I never cheated on her," he bellowed. "Never!"

"Oh you just got drunk and had naked women in your apartment who…what did you say?" she asked Parker. "Would suck your dick at a snap of your fingers?"

"You said that Parker, really?" he asked shaking his head side to side slowly as if he couldn't believe his ears. "After everything you still can't get over that night. I told you nothing happened. It was for Brad and Jason. Why can you still not believe me?"

Parker stared at him helpless, hopelessly. She couldn't get any words out.

"Probably because you lie," Lexi whispered into the stillness.

He sighed heavily before slumping in the seat behind his desk exhausted. "I never cheated on Parker. There were girls over at my apartment that night but I never nor would I ever do anything like to her…or to you," he added quickly. "If I had ever wanted to be with someone else, I would have just broken up with you. But I didn't then," he said glancing at Parker, "and I don't want to now." Lexi met his eyes as they landed on her face.

"Yet you lied about something else. It's hard to believe what you're spouting when you just told me that you lied…again," she said feeling tears spring into her eyes. She hadn't even realized how emotional she had gotten. All she had felt through this ordeal was anger. She couldn't believe he would just lie over and over and over again to her. She had been purely angry with his reactions and his answers. The last thing she had even thought about was getting emotional. Yet, the thought that he was now admitting that he still hadn't told her the whole truth made her want to break down in tears. The lies seemed endless.

Ramsey sighed heavily knowing she was going to hate him for this. "I…I got you that job at the law firm here."

"What?" she cried feeling the automatic need to punch something. "Are you fucking kidding me Ramsey? You interfered with my job? What did you not think I was smart enough to get that job? Did you not think I had enough money to get that job? What was it? I don't understand how you could go behind my back like that. No wonder it just fell into my lap. I made the mistake of acting like I was so smart…that I was so much more qualified than the rest of the applicants. You made me look like a fool. No wonder they were so easy with me. Did you tell them to do that too?"

"I was just trying to help. I knew you'd never take a Bridges associate position, but I wanted you close. I wanted you in Atlanta. So I made some calls. It's not the end of the world," he finished lamely.

"Not the end of the world? Not the end of the world?" she screamed nearing hysterics. "I had one thing that I was really good at. I worked my ass off all year long to get good grades so that I could get an amazing associate position hopefully paid. I put out applications everywhere. I applied everywhere. Then you go and tell me that you just got me this job. I didn't have to put in any of the work or the time. You just happened to know someone and drop the Bridges name and bam a job surfaces. God, it goes against everything that you stand for," she said looking him up and down like he was despicable. She knew on some level she should be happy that he had gotten her this job, but not this way. She couldn't be happy that he had gone behind her back like that. This was the one thing she still had to be proud of and he had taken that away too.

"Lexi, please try and see it from my perspective. This job wasn't even really open. No one would have gotten it because they weren't hiring until I talked to them. You wanted to be close to me too. It's a good thing not a bad thing," he pleaded with her.

"It could have been a good thing if you had been honest with me," she told him. "Instead you chose to lie to me. You chose to deceive me. I have nothing left that's mine. Your lies have permeated everything that is important to me. I don't know if I can talk to you anymore Ramsey until you find the truth," she said walking towards the door.

He quickly ran after her. "The truth is I want to be with you. I went about it wrong, but it doesn't change how I feel," he said grabbing her elbow to stop her. She yanked her arm back pulling her shoulder too forcefully and sending a wrenching pain through it. "I know I made some mistakes, but they are minor Lexi. We can work through them. Please give me the chance to work through them."

"How can I when I can't even look at you without seeing the lies all over you?" she asked taking another step backwards. "These lies were for you not for me. You lied to cover your past and your wealth and your importance. I just wanted you as you are. You wouldn't even give me that. Who are you?" she whispered.

"I'm yours," he said following her down the barren hallway. "I'm all yours."

"You can't be mine," she said shaking her head. "Someone who belongs to me is able to give themselves over to me. I gave myself to you and all you did was abuse my trust."

"Please let me try to fix this," he begged seeing her slipping through his fingers.

"You can't. I think this is it Ramsey. I can't date someone for a year and then find out I never knew who he was," she said weakly hating even saying the statement. She knew it was true but her heart was breaking at the thought of being without him.

"I can. I can fix this Lexi. You know who I am. I swear you do."

"Good bye Ramsey," she said standing on her tip toes and kissing him softly on the mouth. He pulled her tight against him trying to deepen the kiss, trying to remind her of what he could give her. She pressed her hand against his cheek and broke away from his lips. "Please don't call me," she added breaking away from him, rushing out the back door, and into her car.

She revved the engine and peeled out of the parking lot. The weight of what had just happened settled over her and she found that she didn't even have tears to cry for what she had just done. She cared for Ramsey more than she had ever thought, but now all she could see was the tangle of lies surrounding him. She couldn't help but wonder how different he actually was from Bekah. Perhaps this deception ran in the family. That thought alone held her tears back.

She was driven by one thought: she needed to get back to New York. She needed out of this god forsaken town and out of this oppressive heat. She needed to get away from the smog of the commuter city and back to her home with its own smells and intricacies. As swiftly as she could she piled the majority of her belongings into her two largest suitcases and departed for Hartsfield-Jackson Airport. She purchased the next plane ticket out of town not even bothering to cringe at the expensive fare.

As she sat down in the terminal awaiting her flight, she wondered who she should call to have her pick her up. Suddenly she realized she would be even more alone in New York with her roommate, Rachelle, working out of town and Chyna in Milan at her photo shoot. Lexi cursed out loud, much to the chagrin of an old married couple and a teenage mom toting around four obnoxious children, when she realized that they were about to board and she had no one to pick her up when she arrived in town.

Nodding to herself she realized, in fact, she did have one person and quickly jotted out a text message briefly explaining the situation and asking if she could be picked up in a couple hours. Surprisingly she got an almost immediate reply.

"Good to hear from you. Sorry about the circumstances. I'll be there when you land. –Adam."

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K.A. Linde

Epic Baggage

Come on and we'll try, one last time

I'm off the floor one more time to find you

And here we go there's nothing left to choose

And here we go there's nothing left to lose

-Mat Kearney "Nothing Left To Lose"

Chapter 23: Present

Lexi rolled over letting her arm stretch languidly over her head. She kept her eyes closed savoring the last few seconds of grogginess before she had to get out of bed. She smiled as she sank back further into the soft down pillow under her head and stretched her body out under the comforter. Her hands brushed up against the hard wood headboard, and she blushed thinking about how she had used the headboard last night.

"What's that devilish grin for?" Ramsey asked leaning forward and kissing both of her red cheeks.

Lexi giggled letting her eyes open to look at the man lying next to her. "Nothing," she cooed looking at his bright green eyes from under her thick black lashes.

"You don't blush without reason," he said sliding his hand across her bare stomach and pulling her closer to him.

"I think I blushed all last night," she murmured pushing her hands up against his chest.

"I'd say you had a reason for that."

Lexi giggled and snuggled closer to him. "True."

"And anyway I don't think I gave you an opportunity to think about blushing. You were too preoccupied," he said as he ducked down to give her a heated kiss.

"I think you might be right," she agreed tilting her head to allow for easier access.

Lexi wrapped her arms up around his neck pressing herself flat against him. She knew she was egging him on, but she couldn't help it. Everything had been so perfect last night after they had talked things out. It was like Parker had never existed in their relationship. She had missed that feeling so much. All she wanted to do was stay in bed all day and forget the past month had happened. That would truly be an ideal situation.

"Woah there," he said pulling back briefly, "do you think you're ready again…already?"

Lexi shrugged before lifting her head off the pillow to kiss him again. "Yes." It was his turn to grin devilishly as he moved his hand down between her legs. She groaned enjoying his gentle prodding, but also feeling some major after effects of last night's…activities. "Wait…maybe not."

Ramsey chuckled and shook his head at her. "I had a feeling," he said stilling his hand and giving her another playful kiss. "How about a shower?" he offered.

"Ugh," Lexi groaned shaking her head side-to-side. "I can't move a muscle."

Ramsey clearly seemed to be enjoying the effect he had had on her. He tried to cover a second chuckle, but couldn't seem to manage it.

"Hey," she said swatting him on the arm, "this is all your doing."

He grabbed her hand and laced his fingers with hers. "And I am so glad that I made you so sore you can't even get out of bed. How about some breakfast in bed?" he asked as his thumb rubbed circles into her hand. "I could go fix something and let you sleep for a little longer."

"Oh! I like that idea," she said closing her eyes and wrapping both of her arms around him. She held him in place for a short while as she pretended to instantly fall into a deep slumber. She wanted the best of both worlds: breakfast in bed and Ramsey in bed. Well she favored the later more than the former.

Ramsey shook his head at her as he attempted to disentangle himself from her. He didn't particularly want to leave, but if she kept this up he didn't care how sore she was, he was going to take her right then and there. He could already feel himself hardening as she pressed her full breasts against him.

"I can't make you breakfast while I'm still in bed with you," he moaned trying to unhook her arms from around his neck. There was nowhere else he wanted to be in that moment than lying in bed with Lexi especially after the night they had just had and the gorgeous look on her face that morning.

"But I don't want you to leave," she told him, holding him tighter.

"I'll make you coffee," he murmured into her ear.

"Coffee?" she asked perking up.

"Of course. Just the way you like it."

"Alright. Alright," she grumbled slowly releasing him. She would do anything for a good cup of coffee in the morning.

She smiled brightly as she watched him climb out of bed and into a pair of blue boxers. She could clearly see what effect she had on him through the thin material, and was thankful that Brad and Jason had moved out. She understood more and more how much Ramsey had been working to make a better life for her, and in that moment she was appreciative of the changes.

Ramsey exited the room with a glance back in her direction. She sighed pleasantly and stretched out in the bed again. What a wonderful morning! She couldn't remember the last time she had been this happy...well she could. There had been that blip on her radar where she had been with someone else and things had kind of felt right. She couldn't even think about that right now. She hadn't been in the right state of mind in that situation.

All she had been able to think about for the past month was how Ramsey had lied to her. She hadn't thought that they had a shot in hell of getting back together. Of course she missed him terribly. They had been together for a year and it's not like they had broken up because she wasn't interested anymore. She was definitely still interested, if last night was any indication of that. And she knew that she had to tell Ramsey about what had happened especially now that they were back together. They hadn't been together when it had happened, but the longer she held it in the more it would look like she was hiding it from him. The last thing she wanted to do was put herself in the same situation as Ramsey. They wouldn't have broken up at all if he had just been honest about what had happened with Parker…among other things. She just needed to be honest about what she had done in New York.

But the thought of breaking free of the bliss that she was currently in with him made her cringe. They were so happy right now. But with Adam coming into town later today, she knew that she had to break the news sometime soon. She didn't want him, or Chyna for that matter, to find out from someone else.

Lexi pushed her hands back through her hair and let her eyes fall back closed. This was going to be more difficult than she thought. After all the years of deception with Jack, her stomach knotted up immediately at the thought of telling Ramsey this one thing. He would forgive her. She was sure of it. She just couldn't keep herself from freaking out about it. It was an occupational hazard from years of lying.

Lexi bolted upright in bed at that thought. Speaking of years of lying, today was the day. She couldn't believe that it was here. This whole week…this whole year had been leading up to this very moment. As much as she had tried to avoid today from happening, life had caught up with her.

Jack was going to get married today.

Her stomach rolled even more at the thought. Today was the big day. She had managed to get through a bachelor party, afternoon brunch, bachelorette party, and a rehearsal dinner with only a few minor mishaps, but today was going to be much harder than that. Jack would officially be off the market after today.

She had been in such a state of bliss when she had woken up that it hadn't even crossed her mind that the wedding was today. Ramsey had made her completely forget about Jack. She hadn't thought that it was even possible. When they had been together, there had been times when Jack wasn't considered. She knew that he wasn't important to their relationship, but he had always still been there. After all, Jack was marrying his sister. Jack would be Ramsey's brother-in-law. That thought was hard to get rid of after knowing Jack for so long.

Yet here she was the day of his wedding…the day that she had been dreading for a consistent year, and she hadn't even thought about it. She had slept better than she had in months. She had actually slept in. When she had woken up, she felt content and satisfied. She was pleased just to find Ramsey next to her. Not even one measly thought had passed through her head about Jack since her and Ramsey had worked things out.

Lexi smiled letting the tension release from her shoulders. This was a good feeling. She could make it through the day feeling like this. The thought alone that someone could make her happy enough to forget Jack's wedding day was good enough for her.

The only thing she needed to do now was to tell Ramsey the one secret she was carrying around. It was only fair after everything he had told her. Lexi took a deep breath and released it slowly. She could handle this.

As she hopped out of the bed, Ramsey walked back into the room. "What are you doing out of bed? I brought you your coffee," he said holding up a steaming olive green mug.

"Oh thanks. I was just going to check on you," she told him.

"Well food will be done soon. I just knew you would want this first," he said handing the coffee over. She smiled and took a sip. This really was heaven. "Now that you're up, how about we eat in the kitchen?"

"Alright," Lexi said tugging on a pair of Ramsey's boxers and a spare black t-shirt that fell to her knees.

"Sexy," he said kissing her on the mouth.

Lexi followed him downstairs determined to bring up what had happened in New York. She knew he wouldn't be happy, but it wouldn't be fair for her to hold it in. She plopped down into a chair at the dining room table and crossed her legs Indian style. "Hey Ramsey, can we talk?" She hated how cliché she sounded, but she didn't know how else to bring it up.

"Oh God, I left you alone for ten minutes and you want to break up again," he said with a crooked smile. She could see that he was nervous at the statement, since every time they had spoken recently had ended up in a major argument or a breakup. She couldn't blame him. Especially because what she was about to tell him wasn't great news either.

"No no, nothing like that," she quickly amended. She had no intention of breaking up with him. That was the last thing on her mind. She had been so happy this morning that all she had wanted to do was forget the past month, and move on with their lives. She liked how well they worked together, and couldn't imagine giving that up so easily. As long as all of his secrets were out in the open, they could work it out…well after she got this last one out of the way. "I like how things are now so…open…honest."

Ramsey nodded. Lexi wasn't sure if he was just agreeing with whatever she was saying or not. He seemed sincere, and the sex last night had been unbelievable. It really must have taken a weight off of his shoulders to have her know the whole story. "Me too. I shouldn't have hid so much from you. I just didn't know how to tell you everything."

"I understand that," she said thinking of the secret she was about to reveal. There wasn't exactly an easy way to say that she had slept with someone else. Either way he wasn't going to be pleased. She was hoping that the fact that they were back together would deter the majority of the backlash.

"It must have been the same way with Jack," he said hesitantly meeting her eyes.

"Yeah…I suppose," she said after thinking it over. She still hadn't been thinking of Jack. This was a very strange day for her indeed. A second time where she was so lost in Ramsey that she didn't even think of Jack. She couldn't remember that last time this had happened. She was even telling him something that correlated on some level to what had happened with Jack, and he hadn't even crossed her mind.

"So what is it we have to talk about?" he asked more at ease now that he knew that she didn't want to end things all over again. Lexi met his gaze and admired the man standing before her. She hated what she was about to do. She hated to wipe that beautiful smile off of his face…to make him doubt her. She had to do it though. If she didn't do it now, then it could hurt them so much more later. Lexi opened her mouth to tell him.

A knock at the door startled both of them out of the conversation they were about to have. Lexi cursed in her head. She hated whoever was at that door for their terrible timing. She couldn't believe how many times this had happened. Just when she was about to reveal everything to him, she had finally gotten up the courage and picked the time to tell him, someone else interfered. She wished he wouldn't answer the door, but she knew that was out of the question.

Ramsey shrugged. "This can wait?" he asked as he went to answer the door. Lexi groaned hating that she had to wait, but agreed that nothing could be done.

"Hey bitches!" Chyna cried as soon as the door swung open.

Lexi gasped in surprised. Did she say she would hate whoever was on the other side of the door? "Chyna!" she squealed running and hugging her best friend. It felt like an eternity since she had last seen her even though it had only been a week. As her arms circled her tiny frame, Lexi realized just how much she had missed her crazy best friend. "I didn't know when you were getting here."

"Well I tried to call you last night and this morning. You didn't answer," she said strolling into the living room. "Judging by your clothes, I'm guessing you were busy," she said looking Lexi's boxer and t-shirt combo.

Ramsey just smiled at her intrusion. "Yeah we were busy," Ramsey said pulling Chyna into a quick hug and grabbing the bag she was carrying.

"Thanks," she said sauntering into his apartment like she owned the place. She dropped her enormous purse on the dining room table. Lexi wondered if they had let her take the massive bag on as a carry on. "Adam's just getting the rest of the stuff from the cab."

Adam appeared at the door on a short while later with a large suitcase, obviously Chyna's, as well as a smaller carry-on which was likely his own. Lexi was almost certain that his carry on was smaller than Chyna's purse. She could honestly have back problems from lugging that thing around.

"Hey good to see you man," Adam said depositing the bags next to the couch and firmly shaking Ramsey's hand.

"Likewise," Ramsey said nodding his head at Adam in greeting.

"Lexi," Adam said with a curt nod and a rather pointed look. She smiled then quickly diverted her gaze focusing back on Chyna. She did not want to look at Adam too closely. He clearly wanted to talk, and this was not the time or place for that. She was going to tell Ramsey about everything until they had barged in. Now she figured she should talk to Adam about it before discussing it with Ramsey. She hated hiding it for any longer, but just blurting it out in front of Chyna would be a terrible idea.