Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 32 страниц)

Best News

The present's just a pleasant

Interruption to the past

And you don't want to look much closer

'Cause you're afraid to find out all the hope

That you had sent into the sky by now had... crashed

And it did because of me

– Something Corporate "Konstantine"

Chapter 3: Present

"You know I like Ramsey, right?" Chyna asked sighing as she fell backwards onto her plush, king-sized bed. The comforter had recently been changed into a maroon and gold ensemble with massive quantities of matching throw pillows of every size and shape imaginable covering the pillow top.

Lexi looked up from where she had been digging through her backpack and smiled. She knew exactly how Chyna felt about Ramsey. He was one of the few guys who had ever bypassed her appearance for her personality. Chyna found that type of behavior extremely appealing, and it didn't matter to her whether or not they ever hooked up from that point on. If he made it a point not to be interested in her, then she could respect his obvious devotion to Lexi. Chyna always had a weak spot for loyalty.

There had been a number of occasions where she had stolen men right under Lexi's nose. It was never on purpose exactly, but men just gravitated towards her. So when she found out that Ramsey had zero interest in her, they had gotten along even better.

"Yeah, I know," Lexi told her reaching back into her bag and pulling out her laptop and power cord.

"Then you also know that I think you're an idiot," Chyna remarked staring up at her ceiling. Lexi could hear her sigh of discontentment which only broadened her smile.

"Yeah, I know," she repeated popping the top on her laptop, pressing the power button, and waiting for the system to warm up.

Chyna shot up from her place on the bed and stared down at Lexi. A broad smile had formed on her face. Lexi knew that look meant only one thing. Chyna was up to something devious. Lexi tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and waited for Chyna to let loose her revelation.

"You know what?" Chyna asked.

"Nope."

"You could always just…not go."

"Wow, what a revelation," Lexi muttered sarcastically rolling her eyes dramatically.

"Oh, come on," Chyna cried throwing herself back on the bed. "This is not good for you. I thought after everything that had happened, you wouldn't put yourself through this all again."

"This isn't like Jack," Lexi muttered defensively. She hated associating the two together even though they were interrelated. When she was with Ramsey in the beginning, she forgot about everything else that had gone on with Jack. He was a brief reprieve from the heartache that she kept locked up. Sure she had left Jack behind, but that didn't make it any easier to really leave him behind. And just when she thought she was starting to succeed on that point a little more each day, everything had come crashing back down around her.

No this wasn't like Jack at all. Jack took over her world, and she had to force herself to push him out bit by bit. Ramsey had forced himself in her world bit by bit and filled a void she hadn't known existed. And she knew all too well what it felt like being with and without Jack. Ramsey was something altogether different. The emotions he elicited from her were foreign, and thus, incredibly vivid because they had never been tamed, harnessed, or numbed over years of self-torture.

So, no this was nothing like Jack.

"This is exactly like Jack," Chyna muttered under her breath.

Lexi closed her eyes and silently counted to ten. She didn't want to have this argument right now, because she knew she would think about it all night. Ramsey would be picking her up shortly and she didn't need those thoughts on her mind. By allowing him to come visit, she was taking a huge leap of faith, one that she wasn't entirely comfortable with.

But she wholeheartedly hated the thought that he was just another Jack in her life. No matter what had happened between them over the past year, Ramsey was a different man. She didn't completely approve of him or his choices, but no one was perfect. And honestly, she wasn't entirely willing to give up on him just yet.

"Can we talk about something else?" Lexi pleaded opening her eyes and fixing them on the computer screen in front of her. She pulled up a blank webpage and directed it to her inbox. A confirmation email was highlighted at the top of the screen with information about Ramsey's flight into JFK airport. If everything went alright, he would be landing in only twenty minutes giving her just enough time to mentally and physically prepare herself for their evening together.

"Sure," Chyna replied, her tone snarky. "How about the fact that you still haven't given me Mystery Man's name yet?"

Lexi gulped hard, a tentative smile spreading across her face as she looked up at Chyna. "Why are you so desperate to know?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you never hide anything from me. Maybe because I've never met him. Maybe because I have to wrestle information out of you. Do you want me to keep going?" Chyna asked arching an eyebrow. She flipped her feet to the other side of the bed, rested her elbows on the comforter, and leaned over to get a better look at Lexi's reaction.

"Well, it's nothing, that's why it doesn't matter," Lexi stammered out under the intense scrutiny of Chyna's stare.

"Or maybe it's because it's a huge fucking deal and that's why you keep it a secret," she hypothesized her green eyes taking in every movement that might tip her off to what was going on.

"It's not such a big deal," Lexi huffed returning her eyes to her computer to escape Chyna's fierce looks. She wasn't ready to tell anyone about what was going on with her Mystery Man yet. She wasn't even certain if anything was going on with him yet. What had happened between them was a fluke, an accident. She hadn't seen him again, and a part of her felt like that was probably the best choice she could make. She didn't need to get into anything else right now. At least not while Ramsey was still filling her mind…and Jack. Of course Jack.

"You're such a terrible liar."

"No, I'm not," she cried knowing that was a lie too. She had always been a terrible liar. That was why she had never been able to get away with everything that had gone on with her and Jack. She hadn't been able to look someone in the eye and lie to them without giving herself away. The talent had improved some with practice, a fact she wasn't exactly proud of, but she had to admit it did come in handy on occasions. Chyna knew her too well though. She knew when something was up with her.

"Yeah, you really are. So, who is he? Are you going out with him again? Has he called?" Chyna blabbered on asking questions Lexi had no intention of answering.

"I don't want to talk about him alright?" Lexi asked shutting her computer with a bit more force than she anticipated.

"Ohhh," Chyna cooed, "someone is defensive."

Lexi took another deep breath. "Please stop. I really do not want to think about anything while I have this…thing with Ramsey tonight."

"Date is the opportune word chica. Don't think you'll be getting away with not talking about this forever. After your…thing," she said mimicking Lexi's tone of voice, "I want details on Mystery Man. Please, please, please just give me a name," she begged.

"No can do," Lexi told her hopping up off the floor and wandering into Chyna's massive closet.

"You're so incorrigible," Chyna cried following behind her.

"Big words," Lexi said sarcastically her eyes widening and mouth opening in surprise.

"Don't be such a shit," she said smacking Lexi on her arm. "Just because I didn't go to college doesn't mean I wasn't smart enough to go."

"You don't have to tell me twice," Lexi said knowing full well that Chyna was brilliant and succeeded at anything she applied herself to. The only problem was getting her to apply herself. She preferred to live a luxurious life of leisure rather than work for more money. She was in possession of enough money as it was.

If the positions were reversed, Lexi wasn't sure she'd be able to do what Chyna was doing. She would be too bored all the time, and feel like she was wasting her time just sitting around. Studying law was one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of her life, and now that the experience was over, she was all but certain she had made the right decision.

But Chyna had never been self-motivated to work. Lexi blamed it on her parents. They had coddled her as a child and never forced her to do anything she didn't want to do. She had opted out of college to pursue modeling like her mother. After a few successful photo shoots, she had gotten tired of the work and quit, turning down an extensive contract with a very prestigious underwear company. She just kept saying she couldn't find anything to hold her interest for long enough to commit to for a career. That was the same reason she didn't hold onto a boyfriend…for the most part.

"What's the latest endeavor?" Lexi asking hoping to distract Chyna. She needed to keep the focus away from her life at the moment. She seemed to endlessly be discussing the different men in her life.

As Lexi perused Chyna's closet for something to wear that evening, Lexi's mind drifted over the experiences in the past seven years. Her memory landed on a green tourist bench. She could feel her face flushing at the image of her first time with Jack at the beach house. She licked her lips as her hand trailed over a tiny pair of skinny jeans. She knew she shouldn't let her mind risk going down memory lane, but sometimes it was so difficult.

Her memory was so vivid that sometimes it was as if she were reliving her past. The feel of his skin hot against her own, breathing in the salty air with her rapid inhalations, his intense blue stare reflecting the ocean. She could feel him almost as if she were in the moment.

She shook her head and tried to focus on Chyna talking about the new thing that she was interested in at the moment. Her mind couldn't focus however, and suddenly she was swept back to a time when she was cuddled up in a familiar navy blue comforter. She could hear him whisper his affection for her and pull her closer.

She cleared her mind and blue eyes were replaced with green ones staring intently into hers on a balcony overlooking the Turner Field baseball stadium. The way he washed away any knowledge of what was going on that night. Her hair pulled high on her head and the light breeze made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end, or was it the way he was looking at her. Her breathing hitched as his head tilted to meet her waiting lips.

She forcefully closed her eyes and willed her mind to stop picturing her past. Tonight was about new futures…another new future.

"Are you even listening?" Chyna whined pushing Lexi out of the way so she could get a closer look at her closet.

"Nope," Lexi said giggling and falling back into a plush cream chair.

"I'm thinking of going to back to school," she muttered her voice quavering a little at the admission.

"For what?" Lexi asked staring at her incredulously.

"I don't know. Don't you figure that stuff out in college?" Chyna asked pulling a flowy dress off the rack and pressing it to her body.

"I guess," Lexi agreed knowing that she had had that same philosophy at one point in her life. "Where would you go?"

"I don't know. Maybe I'll find a good fashion design program," she said dreamily. "I have enough clothes. I know what looks good."

Lexi smiled at her friend's dreamy state. She was happy that she had found another adventure to pursue, but was really wondering how long this was going to last. Chyna attention span lasted a total of a month and half before she got bored. She never saw it as failure just indecision.

Just as Lexi was about to give her two cents worth about Chyna's new career path, Chyna's hand brushed against an article of clothing Lexi had never seen. "What was that?" she blubbered, shooting out of the chair, and reaching forward to latch on before the item disappeared into the depths of Chyna's closet.

Lexi unhooked the hanger from the metal rod it had been resting on. Her hand rubbed gently against the red silky material. She smiled softly to herself and wondered how she had never seen Chyna wear this before. When she flipped the dress around to closer examine the front, Lexi got her answer. A black rectangular price tag still hung from the dress. Lexi gaped at the price. She didn't think she would ever get used to seeing price tags in the three, four, or even five digit range for one garment…especially not something to just throw in the closet and never wear.

"You've never worn this?" Lexi asked her voice unable to believe it.

A sly smile crept up on her face at Lexi's reaction. "Do you like it?"

"Like it?" Lexi groaned. "I love it. How could you never wear this?"

"Because it doesn't belong to me," she said airily.

"Then what's it doing in your closet?" Lexi eyed her suspiciously.

"It belongs to you," Chyna told her, immediately putting her hands behind her back to keep Lexi from giving it back to her. She knew that Lexi hated accepting gifts for anything except her birthday and Christmas, but when she had seen it on the rack, Chyna had been unable to control herself.

"Really?" Lexi asked pressing the material to her chest and looking at herself in the full-length mirror. Nearly dropping the dress, Lexi rushed forward and crushed Chyna with surprising force for a simple hug. "You're the best."

"You're not going to fight me on this?" Chyna asked skeptically.

"I can't believe you left the price tag on," Lexi scolded her, "but no I'm going to keep it."

"Finally, you've come to your senses," Chyna teased.

A short while later Lexi was all zipped into the strapless dress. The deep, crimson red focused your eyes to the curves of her breasts and hips. Her brown hair had been tamed for the night into neat loose curls that just brushed over her shoulders. Her side-swept bangs fell into her eyes whenever she made too sudden of a movement, but the overall effect was seductive. Light makeup completed the look with a dark shimmer gloss coating her full lips.

The time and effort put in paid off when Ramsey's eyes lit up at the sight of her. Lexi knew him well enough to know that she could have showed up in a black trash bag and he would have thought her beautiful. However, the shock and awe that followed her entrance proved that he fully approved of what he saw.

With a long hug and a light kiss on the cheek, Ramsey escorted her to a waiting cab. They were dropped off at a restaurant that they had been to before, and as Lexi crossed the threshold she got a sick feeling of déjà vu. Her heart pumped wildly as they were seated at the same table in the same place and probably ordered the same food. She wasn't sure what about the experience was making her body kick into over drive. Something had just overtaken her body and paralyzed her in place. She realized that she had been staring forward into Ramsey's concerned face for a full minute without speaking…or really seeing.

"Are you alright?" he asked reaching across the small table and taking one of her clenched fists.

"Oh," she gasped taking in a huge gulp of fresh air. "I'm sorry. I just spaced out."

He smiled knowing that she was lying. He could always tell. "Should we have gone somewhere else?" he asked intuitively.

"No, I love this place," she said visibly relaxing to his words. He hadn't done this on purpose. He wasn't trying to put her on edge. If anything, he had probably brought her here to make her comfortable, to keep her around the familiar. She was just making something out of nothing.

Ramsey leaned forward his voice lowering compassionately. "You look like your dog just died," he said a smile spreading across his face.

Lexi giggled despite the depressing image that filled her mind. "I do not!"

"There that's better," he said congratulating himself as he leaned his back against the chair once more. "You're smile lights up the room."

Lexi smiled even bigger at the compliment. She had forgotten how much she had missed his presence in her life. A month's time wasn't all that long to be away from each other, but she had been attempting to block him out the whole time. Now, when she looked at him, everything came rushing back to her. Every second they had spent together, every laugh and smile, every tear and moment of pain. She coughed uncomfortably at the wave of emotions. She reached for the glass of wine placed before her and took a large gulp.

Yeah, alcohol was exactly what she needed.

"Woah there," he said seeing her discomfort, but knowing alcohol really was not the answer. He, of all people, knew what she was like when she got drunk. With the evening still young, he wanted to wait as long as possible before it got to that point. "We haven't even gotten our food yet."

She took one last swallow and placed the glass back on the table giving him a falsely apologetic smile. She had taken too many trips down memory lane today leaving her heart exposed. It wasn't a feeling that she liked to accustom herself. Vulnerability hurt too much.

"I'm really glad you called. I wanted to so many times, but I knew you needed your time. I felt that if I stepped in too soon you'd just hate me even more. I'd understand if you did hate me more. I kind of hate me," he blabbered on.

Lexi smiled at his adorable habit of rambling whenever he was nervous. It was completely out of step with everything else in his personality, and thus, Lexi loved it even more. His apologies were long winded and sometimes completely incoherent. That was the way she knew that they were genuine.

"Can we not?" she asked quietly, hating reliving anymore of her past. Seeing him was enough self-induced pain that thinking about the other stuff was threatening to make her nauseous.

He looked up from his wine and into her wide-eyed expression. "Of course," he said taking in the way her supple bottom lip stuck out just a little bit farther than normal. The way her hand reached up involuntarily to tuck a lock of hair behind her hair as a nervous habit. The way her eyes traveled up to the right as if she were remembering past events. She looked utterly beautiful and he didn't know how he had ever been able to tear his eyes from her face…or make that beautiful face ever look so sad.

"There is something I wanted to talk to you about," he murmured diverting his eyes from her beautiful face.

Lexi looked at him suspiciously. She wasn't sure what this was about, but by the look on his face she was pretty sure she didn't want to know. "What about?" she asked cautiously, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"I…" he began.

"Oh my God, Ramsey Bridges," a girl squealed rushing up to their table completely uninvited.

Lexi looked the girl up and down and groaned in protest. She was gorgeous. At least 5'7" but still rail thin with long flowing blonde hair and perfectly flawless skin. She could have been on a runway. Lexi tore her eyes from the girl and moved to Ramsey face. His cheeks flushed a light pink and his mouth was agape. She could tell in his eyes that he wasn't happy about the interruption.

"Ashley," he acknowledged her standing to give her a hug. "What a pleasant surprise."

He said the words, but his mouth was strained around the edges. His body wasn't comfortable with the touch of another woman. Lexi knew he wanted to be far far away from this moment in time. Though she was curious who this woman was, she was more satisfied with his discomfort. She wasn't sure how he always found himself in this situation….oh wait yes she did.

"Holy cow, what are you doing in New York City?" she crowed her Southern accent coming out thick with his recognition of her. Lexi figured she had to go through a lot of work to get rid of that.

"I'm actually here with my girlf…uh…," he stammered breaking off his statement and glancing at Lexi. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm visiting my friend Lexi," he corrected gesturing in her direction.

Lexi smiled sweetly and extended her hand politely. "Ashley Turner," the girl replied shaking her hand meekly. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise," Lexi said hoping she sounded sincere.

"Ashley went to private school with me," Ramsey informed Lexi filling in the gaps. Lexi raised her eyebrows once. She had bad luck with people that Ramsey had known for long periods of times. Hopefully, the girl would just disappear, but she wasn't that lucky.

"Mind if I interrupt your friendly dinner," Ashley asked snapping her fingers at a passing waiter and commanding him to bring her a chair. "My hubby can just wait." She wagged her fingers at a handsome gentleman across the room who barely noticed her disappearance.

Lexi looked around at the restaurant and wondered how many people came here when they weren't on dates. The girl needed to get a clue. It was pretty obvious that the tension between her and Ramsey was palpable. Lexi just hoped that whatever this was went smoothly.

"Uh…actually Ashley," Ramsey said scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"Oh, come on. I'll only be a minute. I haven't seen you in forever," she practically pleaded.

Ramsey looked at Lexi anxiously who just stared back. They hadn't seen each other in almost a month and after everything they had gone through, they both knew that an interruption of their night wasn't a good idea.

"Geez, I've never felt so unwelcome from a Bridges family member before. Aren't you supposed to Bridge all my troubles or whatever?" Ashley asked expertly arching an eyebrow.

"By all means," Ramsey murmured gesturing for her to take the seat that was offered her. Lexi clenched her hands together under the table to keep from rolling her eyes at the woman.

"So, tell me what's going on with Bekah?" Ashley gushed. Lexi involuntarily gagged at the mention of her name. She sputtered a bit and made it seem like a cough, but the look on Ramsey's face showed that she wasn't playing it off very well. "Oh dear, are you alright?" Ashley asked reaching out and touching Lexi's arm.

She cleared her throat once and tried to force a smile. "I'm just fine," she said shooting Ramsey a look that clearly stated change the subject.

"She's doing fine," he murmured hoping to cut the conversation short.

"Isn't she like getting married?" Ashley asked wide-eyed.

Lexi nearly lost it. She quickly stood from her seat scraping the chair back against the floor. "I…uh…need to use the restroom. Excuse me," she said throwing the napkin on the table and stalking out of the room.

Lexi wandered into the bathroom and waited for her heart to stop palpitating so fiercely. She knew that she shouldn't have reacted so negatively towards the subject, but Ashley had managed to bring up two of the three subjects she liked to discuss the least in the world. She hated Bekah down to her very core and the thought of her marrying the one person she had loved with every bit of her heart just made everything worse. She wasn't sure she would have been able to control herself if she had been sitting there any longer. Why did Ramsey always have to know everyone?

After a few minutes, she figured it would begin to look suspect if she stayed away for much longer. Lexi peered around the bathroom door towards her table and pleasantly saw Ashley standing up and walking back towards her own table.

Lexi sighed and made her way back across the room. Their eyes locked together as she sat down across from Ramsey. She wasn't going to apologize for leaving, and he knew that she had every right to want to leave. Luckily, their food had just arrived and they didn't have to fill the uncomfortable silence with anything but the scraping of silverware against glass.

Dinner ended without any additional complications. After an evening on Broadway, Lexi and Ramsey headed back to her apartment. She knew he had a hotel in the city somewhere, most likely the Plaza, but since the incident with Ashley had all but dissipated from her mind, she was becoming more comfortable with the idea of him coming over…at least for a little while.

Fumbling with the lock, Lexi finally pushed open the door to her apartment. Ramsey's arms were around her instantly holding her flush against him. He kicked the door closed with his foot and his mouth came down upon hers. He kissed her feverishly, hungrily as if the last month had been years. It had certainly felt like it. His hand crawled up her shirt and cupped her breast. He groaned into her mouth at the feel of her.

They heard someone clearing their throat behind them, and Lexi quickly backed away. She yanked her shirt down and ran her fingers across her wet lips. "Ray," Lexi murmured staring between Ramsey and her roommate. "I didn't know you were back in town."

Rachelle had been interning much of the summer at a Boston law firm and had rarely been around. "Ramsey," she said nodding her head in his direction but glaring nonetheless.

"Rachelle," he said smiling guiltily.

"Claire and Elizabeth were in town so we were all going to meet up," Rachelle told her. "I thought you'd be home and would want to come out with us."

"You're going out?" Lexi gaped at her anti-social, study-aholic, recluse of a roommate. They had lived together for three years and Lexi could count the number of times they had all gone out on two hands. She was actually a little disappointed that she was going to miss it.

"Yeah, but I guess you're busy," she said eyeing Ramsey again. "I was just heading out anyway." Lexi watched Rachelle scamper out of the apartment as fast as she could get away.

Letting out the breath she had realized she had been holding, Lexi wandered over to her couch and plopped down. All the interruptions were really starting to get old. First Ashley and then Ray. Would she ever just be able to enjoy herself with Ramsey or would everything else always be looming over them?

She honestly didn't have an answer for that and it kind of scared her. What was the point of seeing him again if they could never be again?

That thought hurt her and all she wanted to do was push it away. She knew she was over analyzing. It was a common thing for her to do, but sometimes she couldn't keep her mind quiet. She threaded a piece of hair behind her ear several times before glancing up at Ramsey. "Well are you going to sit down?"

He smiled and walked over to meet her. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap. "You look tense," he murmured reaching up and tilting her head to meet his gaze.

"You know why," she said looking into the depths of his green eyes. They were a rich emerald green with gold specks shooting out from the center and a deep brown rim circling the iris.

"I know," he said his hand beginning to massage the back of her neck. "I want to make it better."

"I don't know Ramsey," she said her eyes closing of their own accord as his expert hands moved from her neck to the knots in her shoulders and upper back. Her hand reached out and gripped his upper thigh as he worked out a particularly troublesome spot. She could feel him tense under her at the abrupt movement, but she didn't move from her position.

His hands were so large when laid out flat against her back they covered the entire width of her body. Reacting to her touch, his hands moved from the massage and came around to the front of her body, rubbing her stomach. Just as they reached the curve of her breasts, Lexi's head dipped back on his shoulder. He took that as encouragement and moved to cover her once more. She tilted her head to the side and kissed his neck. A smile crossed her face as she felt his black pants tighten underneath her.

She groaned as his hands moved from her breasts to the hem of her dress and began working the muscles in her inner thighs. A pulsing began in her lower half at his advances and the heat coming off of her body only increased his desire for her.

Unable to continue, he effortlessly picked her up in his arms causing her to squeal in surprise. Carrying her into her room, he laid her down on her bed. Before he started up again on her, he quickly untucked his white button up, and threw his black slacks to the ground…where they belonged. In only his black boxer briefs and half-unbuttoned white shirt, he continued his work on her thighs. As his hands dipped farther and farther towards the most sensitive part of her body, her back arched with desire. His fingers brushed as lightly as he could allow against her thin black underwear causing her to buck against him.

He smiled knowingly and moved to her other leg. "Ramsey," she murmured opening her eyes and begging him with them to continue.

"Yes?" he questioned acting all too oblivious.

She wouldn't say anymore. If he wanted to pleasure her into submission, she was perfectly okay with that for the time being. His head dipped down and kissed a trail up her leg across her now wet underwear and back up the other thigh. Her body was already very ready for him and he had barely even touched her.

Her dress slipped up over her butt and revealed all of her tiny thong. His hands moved up to her hips and pulled her farther down on the bed wanting to get a closer look. He pushed his body firmly against her pressing all of his manhood, covered only by a thin layer of cotton, against her. She moaned loudly at the pressure from his movement and began to grind herself in circles against him.

His lips came down on top of her and he began passionately kissing the breath out of her. Her hands shot up and into his short blonde hair. She could feel how ready he was for her, and it was almost unbearable to have the barriers of clothing between them.

When they were together like this, she wasn't able to think properly. Even though she knew that she should be mad at him, and stay mad at him, her brain just wasn't putting two and two together. Her bodywas very happy to see him.

His hand moved between their bodies and began massaging her clit through the soft material pushing her closer to the edge. She broke apart from his lips gasping for air. Biting down on her bottom lip, she lustfully looked up into his eyes giving him all the information he needed. He hopped off the bed and began swiftly unbuttoning the remaining buttons on his shirt. Lexi sat up and tried to find the stupid zipper on the side of her dress. She fumbled with the hook and eye on the top, but the zipper worked just fine.