Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 16 (всего у книги 32 страниц)

Balconies

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

-REO Speedwagon "Can't Fight This Feeling"

Chapter 12: March Five Months Earlier

Lexi stared out across the beautiful ocean view stretching before her. The sand was perfectly white and flat seemingly extending for miles in either direction. The crystal clear blue water rippled faintly in the evening breeze. A warm sunset flooded the night sky with shades of red, pink, and orange. Palm trees partially shaded a kidney shaped pool and cabana below.

She couldn't believe she was spending her last spring break tucked into a gorgeous villa on the beach in south Florida with her boyfriend and a select group of his friends. He had been apologizing to her for his actions at New Years for months, and this planned trip was the piѐce de rѐsistance to his scheme to fully return to her good graces.

He had apologized in style even. Once he had settled the affairs of the club in Atlanta, he had immediately flown back to New York to, as he put it, "complete their evening." He refused to have it any other way. He had taken her back up to the top floor of the building where Chyna's blow out party had been. A table had been set up on the balcony with a single red rose, and thoughtful card explaining how if he could go back in time, he would change everything. Then he had kissed her unlike he had ever kissed her before. When he pulled back from her lips which he seemed to crave more and more, he had simply said, "Happy New Years."

She had been blown away to say the least. She probably would have let the whole incident go, but she couldn't deny that his words had hurt her. The last thing she wanted to do was lie to him about her feelings. She couldn't tell him everything was alright with her when in fact she was beating herself up about what had happened.

Long distance relationships had never been something she had considered. She just didn't think that they actually worked. Then he had gone and blamed her for everything that had gone down. Whether he meant to or not, he had opened up a can of worms of insecurity about the distance between.

He had his clubs and all his adoring employees. He had Atlanta, the nightlife, the celebrity status, the charming good looks. He had everything he could possibly need there. And what did she have? She had no money, no job, no real life outside of Chyna. She had a pile of debt waiting for her upon graduation. The more she thought about things he had said, the more terrified she had gotten about their relationship.

He didn't need her. This much was clear. She couldn't figure out why he even bothered. She had a mountain of baggage as large as her law school student loans. Some of which he knew about, some that he didn't, but either way it was pretty obvious that she had reservations.

There was no point in him having any feelings towards her.

After he had finally wrestled this information out of her, he had simply laughed. He laughed for a solid minute until he realized she was serious. Then he blabbered on about his deep affection for her in a way that only Ramsey could. She had shaken her head unable to comprehend why anyone could like her after what kind of person she was. He had vehemently disagreed. He liked her for exactly whom she was baggage and all.

She still didn't quite understand, but a paid beach vacation for the entire week of spring break sure did make it more real. Why else would he bother?

"Are you ready?" Ramsey asked walking out onto the balcony and wrapping his arms around her waist. He gently pushed her up against the stone railing and buried his head into her neck. He placed kisses against her bronzed skin from ear to shoulder.

"Ye…yes," she murmured sighing pleasantly at the feel of his lips on her. "But really Ramsey, where are we going?"

"You know I like to surprise you," he muttered huskily into her skin.

"I know, but I never know if I'm dressed right," she told him.

He easily spun her around in place and let his eyes roam her body. She was wearing a pink, blue and green floral sun dress that flowed out to her knees. The spaghetti strap top v-cut in the front revealing enough cleavage from his high vantage point but not enough to be immodest. "You look perfect," he told her capturing her lips in his.

Her eyes fell to his perfectly chiseled chest which had yet to be covered by a shirt, and she couldn't look away. As he attempted to pull away, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him back towards her. He responded with just as much enthusiasm pushing his muscled body further against her and deepening the kiss. She could taste the peppermint flavor on him and her body reacted instantly to the now familiar taste of him. Her mouth always watered at the smell. "Are you sure we have to go out?" she asked hungrily between kisses.

He pushed his hands up into her long chocolate locks and began to gently massage her head as he tried to get his breathing under control. "Yes, we said we would meet everyone."

"I know, but…" she trailed off a moan escaping her lips as he gently tugged the strands backwards.

"Oh God, that's sexy," he groaned pushing his lower half against her.

She could feel his erection through the soft khaki shorts that adorned his body. Her hand which had previously been supporting herself against the railing moved forward to rest on his hip bones. Her thumbs slowly moved in circles against the exposed skin. She then lightly trail her fingertips against the inside seem of his pants. He shuddered against her from even the lightest of touches and ducked his head down to her throat once more.

"Ramsey," she moaned his name. She let her hand drop from his hot skin down the length of his shorts. The palm of her hand wrested ever so slightly against the bulge in his pants, but she could tell in the feverish way his mouth was attacking her neck that he had noticed. He had definitely noticed.

"Maybe we can be just a little late," he groaned pressing himself into her.

"Maybe we can," she agreed her body reacting positively to the way his lips were working on her neck. "We're all alone. You could take me right here," she muttered unabashedly into his ear.

"What's with us and balconies?" he asked playfully looking up into her big brown eyes.

Lexi couldn't keep from blushing at the comment. Their first kiss has been on a balcony at his apartment in Atlanta. They had kissed again on a balcony overlooking Turner Field. His dramatic apology had consisted of a romantic balcony kiss. She hadn't ever really thought about it before, but it was kind of their thing.

"I don't know, but I like it," she told him capturing his lips. "Maybe you could…take me out here tonight since you like balconies so much." Her voice was throaty and she couldn't keep the desire from the words.

"I'd like that," he said leaning into her. "But it might be dangerous," he warned. "I wouldn't want you to fall."

Lexi shook her head loose curls flying around her face. "Nah. You've got me."

Ramsey breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you finally realize that," he said holding her tight.

Her heart beat rapidly at the meaning in his words. At that moment, she couldn't think of a reason for her ever being mad at him. Sure he had other things to occupy his time in Atlanta, but that didn't mean he felt anything less for her. Long distance relationships did work for some people after all. And why couldn't it work for her.

She knew it could if she put in the effort that was necessary. And she wanted to. She wanted to make him happy. She never wanted his easy smile to leave his face or his bright green eyes to stray from her own. She couldn't think of another place she would rather be in the world than wrapped in his arms…wherever they were. She was lost…completely lost in him.

Despite all the baggage, she could see through to her true feelings. Baggage was just something she had to get over. He clearly wasn't hanging on to any lingering doubts about her or what had gone on with her, and he didn't seem to have any faults of his own. She couldn't figure out why she had to hold back so much from him. He was an incredible, successful, gorgeous man who wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. All she had to do was let go and allow herself to experience what he was willing to offer.

"Me too," she said meaning every word. He really did have her.

The joy that filled his eyes at her admission was nearly overwhelming. He dropped his arms from her waist and hiked up one leg up around his waist. Surprised, her hand tightened around the bulge in his pants and he groaned at the feel of her touching him even through two layers of clothing. His hand worked miracles through her thigh as he massaged slowly upwards.

Just as he reached her soft cotton underwear, he dropped to his knees in front of her and pulled her leg up on his shoulder. She stared dreamily down at him almost unable to process what was about to happen next. He hitched a finger into her underwear and pulled it sideways before bringing his mouth forward to her most sensitive area. She gasped and threw her head back as his tongue expertly traveled the length of her. Her hands laced through his golden hair as he sucked and swirled his tongue around her willing her to reach a climax. Just as she was getting close, he dropped her leg and stood straight again.

She was breathing heavy when he straightened and kissed her breathlessly. "I could have done that forever. You taste so good," he murmured into her ear.

"I could have let you." He chuckled at her statement. "I need you…now," she said as her hand came up and undid the button and zipper of his shorts. Only his tight butt was holding the shorts on and she slid her hands to grasp the firm muscles allowing the shorts to slide effortlessly to the floor.

He pushed her back against the railing again. Without the restriction of his shorts, he was clearly visible to her, throbbing, and ready. She groaned at the sight of him picking her own leg up to allow him to get closer to her. He slid against the length of her cotton shorts obviously holding himself back with great exertion. Her eyes snapped shut again at the feel of his hardness against her even through two layers of material. Her climax, which had been so close only seconds earlier, was building again with every passing moment of anticipation. "You're mine?" she murmured to him half a question and half a statement.

His hands dug into her back as he tried to get closer and closer to her. "Yes."

"All mine?" she groaned her hand sinking into his hair and forcing his eyes to meet hers again.

He took her weight as an advantage and pulled both of her legs around his waist. "All yours," he said walking her through the sliding glass doors and into the bedroom. He lay her down on the king sized bed and crawled over her. "I am all yours Alexa Walsh. No one else holds my heart."

Lexi sighed pleasantly at the declaration of his affections. She helped him strip her of her remaining clothing as he pulled off his boxers. He moved forward and rested himself right over her opening. If she hadn't been ready from him going down on her, she was more than ready now at the sight of him. His muscles were taut, and his skin bronzed from days in the sun. His breathing was irregular and he was physically holding himself back waiting for her confirmation.

She stared longingly up into his emerald green eyes and nodded her head. She wanted him. She needed him…all of him. She needed to feel him inside of her and the completeness that resulted from knowing he was hers.

He breathed heavily and then buried himself inside of her. She thought she was going to release instantly once he was fully inside of her. With such a build up and the enormous amount of emotional energy that was passing between them, she felt like she could barely breathe. This wasn't the first time they had been together physically, but somehow this was different. The way he lay against her, the loving look in his eyes, the easy gentle thrusts inside of her. She desperately wanted to orgasm and she knew that she probably could have multiple times, but she was holding off. She wanted them to be together. She wanted to feel him fill her, and her release around him, for her to clench around him and let her waves of pleasure wash over his body.

She could feel the strain from waiting taking over both of them. Sweat beaded down his face and fell to his collarbone then down his muscled chest. She watched its decent as he continued to thrust inside her. Her body was caving. She couldn't hold back any longer.

His movements were speeding up and she thought she might explode at any second. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute and she gasped several times as he pushed deeper. "Ramsey," she moaned louder than she had anticipated. "Oh God Ramsey," she said even louder. "I need you. Make me…make me cum. I can't hold back anymore."

"Don't hold back," he grunted the physical strain of release close to washing over his body.

"I want you with me. I need…need you with me," she cried out. "Now."

At her command, his whole body convulsed as he released. She cried out even louder than before as the orgasm took over her body. Her head fell back against the pillow as waves of pleasure rocked through her body. She could feel herself shaking as she clenched onto him harder and harder riding out the intense feeling of gratification that pored through her body.

When her body finally stilled, she lay there for a minute with just the sound of Ramsey's hammering heart and the ocean as music to her ears. She couldn't do more than trail her fingers down his back and lightly up into his blonde hair. The weight of him was a comforting feeling as he didn't move from inside of her. Her lower half was still pulsing slightly from their interaction.

He lifted his head ever so gently to stare back into her bedroom eyes. "Lexi," he murmured.

"Yes."

"I love you." Lexi released a small gasp. His smile was radiant at finally speaking the words to her. "I just wanted you to know," he said dropping his head back down to her chest.

Lexi took a big breath. "I love you too," she whispered against his hair.

He wrapped his arms all the way around her waist and hugged her close. "That's the best thing I've ever heard," he breathed into her.

He placed a faint kiss on her cheek before pulling back and striding into the bathroom. Lexi's heart was beating wildly, and not from the sex this time. Her mind was all over the place. With three small words he had forced her body and mind to kick into overdrive.

She couldn't remember loving anyone else but Jack in such a long time that it physically made her heart ache at the thought. Love to her always meant pain and disappointment. She couldn't even remember what it felt like to love someone completely…who also loved her completely. With Jack there had always been complications…other people, infidelity, lies, the list went on and on.

But what she was feeling right now, it was nothing like that. She had never been so scared in her life of what was to come. The possibilities were endless and she had just opened herself up to be in an incredibly vulnerable state. She wasn't sure how to react, and so she just lay still against the now rumpled sheets in a tiny state of panic.

How had she gotten here…to this moment? For years she had left herself guarded and out of reach to everyone around her. She couldn't bear the thought of having someone new in her life…someone to fill the hole in her where she had always thought Jack belonged. Yet, saying out loud that she loved Ramsey didn't feel like that.

He wasn't replacing Jack. That would somehow diminish what she was feeling at this moment to think that he was just a replacement. He was so much more than that to her. He had opened up a new part of her that she didn't even know existed. And though Jack still held up residence in her heart, the thought of him was dulled in comparison.

She sighed contentedly knowing that she had made the right decision in telling him her true feelings. She didn't want to hide from him, because she knew from experience that only made things worse.

"You look like you're thinking real hard," he muttered leaning against the bathroom door frame.

"Just thinking about you," she said rolling over to look at his gorgeous body. "And what you did to me."

"What did I do to you?" he asked striding back over to the bed.

She shivered all over as he came closer. "Made my whole body shake."

"Look what you're doing to me," he groaned hungrily as he pushed himself back against her.

"Again?" she asked her eyes bulging slightly.

He chuckled softly to himself. "I could if you could, but," he said cutting off her response, "I think we have places to be." His voice was wistful as if the last thing he wanted to do was meet up with his friends.

"Oh right," she said running her hands against the contours of his body. She didn't want to have to cover this up.

"You sound as thrilled as I do," he commented forlornly.

She smiled brightly at him. "I think it'll be good for me to spend some time with your friends. You know…get to know the people you spend a lot of time with," she murmured quickly.

"Not a lot of time," he said shrugging it off.

"Well you've known them a long time."

"Now that is a true statement," he said leaning forward to kiss her cheek.

"So where exactly are we going?" she asked hoping to use the weight of his affection as leverage.

"Don't think I'm going to ruin the surprise," he said leaning forward and planting a kiss on her lips. "Come on let's get you dressed again."

Lexi stuck her lip out. "Not something I like to hear from you."

Ramsey leaned back into her burying his face in her wild hair. "Only so I can tear them off of you later," he replied huskily.

Her body trembled all over at the thought of him stripping her clothes off piece by piece and reenacting their earlier escapades. "I…I'd like that."

Ramsey chuckled heartily before striding out to the balcony to pick up the rest of his discarded clothing. Lexi and Ramsey dressed as quickly as they could. After deciding they both looked as put together as they could muster after what had just happened, they headed out the door.

Lexi laced her hand in Ramsey's as they strode down the sidewalk to destination unknown. Expensive cars zoomed past them as they took their time to reach their locale. Lexi was glad that they had decided not to drive. After the events of the evening thus far she really needed some time with the cool breeze blowing in off of the ocean to calm her down. The smell of salt filled her mind and relaxed her body. She had always loved the beach nearly to a fault. She was sure she had missed out on a lot of alternative vacations by always opting for a beach locale. However, she couldn't care about that now since the beach felt so much like coming home.

"Did you want to walk along the beach?" Ramsey asked. "You're kind of staring at it like you do me."

Lexi giggled. "Sorry. I just love it here," she murmured.

"No need to apologize. I love it too. It's even better here with you."

Lexi's smile lit up the night as she stared up at him. "How much farther?"

"Well there's the pier," he said gesturing out to the beach just ahead of them. "So not much longer."

"Are we going to the pier?" she asked her mouth drying out and her stomach dropping. Going to the pier would not be a good idea. She didn't care how much distance was between her and that pier, it still brought back memories. Memories that she couldn't afford to have right now. She couldn't think about that…not when she was with Ramsey. Not after she had just told him that she loved it. There would be something intrinsically wrong about going there after that.

"Did you want to?" Ramsey asked eyeing her carefully.

"Uh…"

"I mean I wasn't planning on it, but if you'd rather we stop by…"

"No," she stated quickly. "The sidewalk is fine. Let's take a walk on the beach tomorrow night. I don't want to sidetrack your plans anymore than I already have."

Ramsey stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and pulled her into him. "Please feel free to sidetrack my plans anytime you want," he told her kissing her breathlessly.

Lexi leaned into him letting the rest of the world fall away from her. She didn't care that they were in the middle of the sidewalk in open view to whoever walked or drove by. She just wanted his lips on her. When he pulled away, her eyes lightly fluttered open. "Maybe we should go back to the bedroom," she murmured playfully dragging him back the direction they came.

Of course, she didn't budge him one inch. He towered over her tiny frame. He scooped her up in his muscled arms and began carrying her towards their destination. "Ramsey," she cried kicking her legs out. "Put me down. Oh my God, anyone could see."

"I don't care," he said twirling her around once.

She giggled. "Come on. Put me down," she crowed.

"Alright alright," he said placing her gently back down on her feet. "But look we move a lot faster without your tiny steps."

"Hey, don't be mean to my tiny steps," she pouted.

"Never," he said grabbing her hand once more. "But we're almost there." He pointed ahead to a beach side bar with a large sign overhead that ready Shades.

"You're bringing me to a bar?" she asked narrowing her eyes.

"Not just any bar," he told her nearly dragging her forward with excitement.

"Alright alright, slow down. Tiny steps remember," she said nearly jogging to catch up with his long strides.

Just as they drew near the bar, Lexi heard someone call Ramsey's name from beachside. The voice was quiet and hesitant, and if Lexi hadn't been walking right past it she was sure she would have missed it. Ramsey, however, seemed not to have heard it.

"Ramsey," Lexi said yanking on his hand. "Someone just called your name."

"Ramsey?" Lexi heard the voice again and turned to face the direction. This time Ramsey heard the voice, and dropped Lexi's hand reflexively. Lexi's eyes narrowed in on the person who emerged from the beach.

Standing in front of her was a girl who, at first glance, was so similar to Lexi in appearance they almost could have been related. Her brown hair was long and wavy, but clearly she put no time into the maintenance of the locks. Beautiful brown eyes stared back at her, but they were slightly tainted by the dark circles under her eyes. Her pouty lips had a light smear of lip gloss across them, and otherwise she was devoid of make-up. The major difference between the two was the contrast in complexion. Where Lexi had a perfectly bronzed tan, this woman had milky white skin with only slight olive undertones. She wore white linen pants and a brown bikini top, and she was absolutely gorgeous.

Lexi was eye level with the girl as she approached, and she couldn't keep her mouth from dropping. She had never met anyone so similar to her. As she drew closer, Lexi realized that her face was shaped a bit different – more round than heart-shaped. Her nose was turned up slightly at the end where Lexi's was just a little button. She had a slender figure, but she was clearly built different than Lexi. She didn't have the lean muscles cultivated from gymnastics, pilates, and dance. Rather, she had an athletic build of a swimmer or soccer player. Though her hair was just about the same length, it didn't have the body and volume Lexi was so accustomed to dealing with.

Despite these differences, the resemblance was uncanny.

"Ramsey, wow, I couldn't believe that was you. What are you doing here?" she asked smiling up into his shell-shocked face.

Lexi hadn't noticed at first that Ramsey looked so surprised, because in fact she had been just as surprised at the sight of this woman. Now as she tore her eyes from the woman, she noticed just how dumbfounded Ramsey appeared. His mouth was hanging slightly open. His eyes were completely focused on the woman in front of him and nothing else. His hands were clenched in fists at his side. She wasn't sure if he was more in shock or anger at the visage before him.

"I…um…I'm on vacation," he said tentatively.

"Oh! I'd almost forgotten that you love these beaches," she said her smile lighting up even further. "It must be nice to get away from the club for awhile and enjoy the sun."

Lexi's head snapped from Ramsey back to the woman in front of him. She knew about the clubs. She knew that he liked these beaches. Who was this woman?

"It is," he agreed gulping hard.

"Are Brad and Jason with you?" she asked still not taking her eyes from him. The ease of the conversation on her end was evident.

How did she know his roommates? Not that anyone couldn't know his roommates. But she had never seen this girl. She had never met this girl, for sure. She had never heard mention of her. She certainly would have remembered someone who looked like her.

"Yeah they're inside," he said jerking his head towards the bar.

"That's great. I was fortunate enough to get a stint of my residency down here. The hospital has been keeping me up all hours of the day, but I'm almost finished so it's been cutting back some. But soon I can move back home," she said dreamily.

"Your parents must be thrilled about that," Ramsey said wistfully.

Woah. Lexi's body kicked into overdrive once again. Did he just say her parents? Did he know her parents?

"They are," she agreed a cute smile creeping up onto her face. "Look about the wedding…I'm trying to get your dad to lay off."

Lexi's mouth dropped to the ground at that statement. What wedding? Was she talking about Jack's wedding or had Lexi just lost her mind? And how was she involved in this wedding? Clearly they were acquainted with each other's parents, but Lexi just couldn't bring herself to put pieces together. She had no recollection of a person in Ramsey's past who could have this much knowledge about him. Did she really know that little about him?

Ramsey had the good sense to cut off that line of conversation. "It's fine. I already told him off."

"Maybe we should talk about this," she said reaching her hand forward, then thinking better of it, and letting it drop to her side.

"No really, let's not," he said cutting her off.

The girl's mouth strained around the edges at the abrupt statement. "Well I'm going to be there regardless. So we should figure it out sometime. It's not like Bekah is just going to let this all slide."

There was Lexi's confirmation. She couldn't believe this. This girl was somehow involved in Bekah and Jack's wedding, and Lexi had no idea how. Not that she really had ever wanted to know the details of what was being planned. She hadn't. But she would have wanted to know who this woman was, and how she fit into the whole scheme of things.

Seemingly realizing for the first time, that Lexi was being ignored, she stuck her hand out in front of her. "I'm Lexi, Ramsey's girlfriend. And you are?"

The girl turned her head to the side and glanced at Lexi. She could tell that the woman was having the same wave of emotions flow through her body. The resemblance between them was uncanny. "You're Ramsey's…girlfriend?" the woman asked looking between Lexi and Ramsey in nearly a state of shock. "I didn't realize that he had a girlfriend."

Lexi tried to hide her embarrassment at having that statement repeated to her after the humiliating scene in Bridges Enterprise when dozens of other people had said the same thing. Whoever this woman was…Lexi was pretty sure she wasn't going to like her. "Uh…yeah. That would be me."

The woman slid her hand into Lexi's and seemed to examine her closely. "Well then, it's a pleasure to meet you Lexi. I'm Parker."

K.A. Linde