Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"
Автор книги: K. A. Linde
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Текущая страница: 27 (всего у книги 32 страниц)
"I know. I know. I should have included you, but I wasn't sure this was ever going to actually happen. We'd been planning around it yeah, but we'd been doing that for years. I never thought that everyone would buckle down and become serious about it when she showed back up," he said rising to his feet.
"Well they did and now what Ramsey? They've just announced that you guys are opening a new branch of your company. What are you going to do with the clubs? What are you going to do about…everything?" she ended lamely not wanting to bring up all the other things in his life that he would have rearrange with this new development.
"The clubs are taken care of. I'm handing everything over to Lola. She already knows."
He realized his mistake a little too late. "Wait," she said pointing her finger in his solid chest. "Lola knows about this? This is what she was talking about on Sunday about how you were making everything better for me. And Brad and Jason know too right? That's why they wouldn't say anything bad about you. They were insisting that they couldn't tell me why they had moved out, but that it was for me. Everyone knew," she breathed. "Everyone knew but me."
"Lexi…"
"No," she said shaking her head. "Tell me the truth Ramsey. Tell me the truth for once."
He let out a big breath, and hated answering the question, but there was no way around it. "Yes, everyone else knew about what was going on. I wanted it to be a surprise."
"You didn't want it to be a surprise. You were scared!" she yelled pushing her hands against his chest in anger. "You knew I'd be pissed about this…all of this."
"No," he said grabbing her wrists and pulling her against him. "That's not what this is about. I didn't want to scare you away that's for sure, but I did it anyway."
"Is it because of Parker?" she questioned him.
"God, Lexi, no none of this has to do with her. She just happens to be the other half of this project. I was afraid you would think we were taking things too fast. I mean you moving in was a huge step for you. I didn't want you to know how serious I was. That I'd asked my roommates to move out so I could live with you maybe buy a new place for the two of us. That I'd given the reigns over to Lola so I wouldn't have to be at the club anymore. You wouldn't have to worry about the girls anymore. I wouldn't be out so late, and we could actually spend some time together.
"I was doing this all for you. I might have gone about it all wrong, but we hadn't even been dating for a year and I couldn't stop thinking about us. I couldn't stop thinking about where our life was going and how much I wanted you here. So I did this without talking to you about it. You were so lost in your job, studying for the bar, and your father's heart attack that I was doing everything I possibly could not to be another complication in your life. And look what I've done…" he growled walking away from her dejectedly. "I've only made things worse and more complicated."
Lexi took a hesitant step towards Ramsey. He sounded so sincere. Every word that he had uttered sounded like repentance for what he had done. He had clearly been suffering without her and for the way he had handled things. It hardly excused the lying and keeping things from her, but still how could she remain angry with him when she finally had the truth.
He had really thought he was doing all of this for her. She didn't like the clubs so he got rid of them. He never thought to ask if she would want him to stop working at something that he was not only good at but that he loved. She didn't like living with his rambunctious, perverted roommates so he asked them to move out. He never thought to ask if she wanted him to be left alone in this townhouse when she knew that he preferred to be surrounded by people. He never thought to ask if she might want to live with him…alone. His actions might have been misguided but his intentions were solid. He loved her.
"Ramsey," she whispered huskily. The tone of her voice made him turn to face her. "You love me?"
A boyish smirk crossed his face at the question as if it was the easiest thing to answer in the world...like he had just gotten an easy word at a spelling bee. He strode one large step towards her, placed his hands on either side of her face, bent down and touched his lips to her own. He kissed her softly, gently like it was something he had been wanting to do for a long time. With his hands holding her in place, she moved her own hands to his waist and pulled him closer against her.
Lexi couldn't even remember what it felt like to be kissed like this. Her head was spinning and she felt weightless. His answer was lost on his tongue as he volleyed with her own. He kissed her like a starving man presented with a plate of food. He kissed her like he might never do it again, like no other answer was satisfactory. And she didn't resist him. She knew in that moment that she could resist him. She could turn him away, demand an answer, demand answers to all her questions, but none of it mattered. This was where she wanted to be in that moment lost in his arms, in this heated kiss.
She groaned as he further deepened the kiss and wound her arms around his neck. Her body felt like it was on fire. Each touch of his mouth on hers and his hands running the length of her body sent tingles through her. He pulled back long enough to bend down and begin to kiss down her neck and back up. She managed only one word as the sensation in her body began to build. "Bedroom."
He obeyed eagerly walking backwards towards the stairs never letting her go. He almost seemed afraid that if he let her go somehow this moment would end. Lexi moved her hands down to begin loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. When they reached the stairs, he pulled back fractionally to pull his shirt and tie over his head and discard them on the floor. His head dipped back down and relished in another one of her kisses while he slowly peeled of her party dress. As the dress fell on the floor, she quickly darted up the stairs and into his bedroom. She could hear his patter of footsteps as he followed behind. Ramsey had managed to unclasp his belt as he went up the stairs and his pants were already falling to his ankles when he entered the bedroom.
He stumbled out of his dress slacks just as she stripped out of her bra and thong that she had thankfully matched even though this was entirely unplanned. She reached down and extracted him out of his boxers before yanking them to the floor with the remainder of his clothes. He dipped his head back down to claim her mouth inching her backwards towards his bed.
When her knees hit the backboard, she climbed backwards across the down duvet. He followed clambering onto the bed and towering over her. He paused to look into her eyes. Lexi knew what she must look like fiery, dilated, and hungry with desire. She could see the same thing all over him. She wasn't even sure how he was able to pause to even take one glance at her.
"The answer is yes," he murmured softly kissing her forehead then her nose then gently on her mouth. "I do love you."
"I love you too," she said instantly knowing it was the truth.
It was the last thing either of them said before he buried himself deep inside of her. She screamed out in surprise and delight at the feel of him filling her. He began thrusting into her deep steady movements that quickly had her panting laboriously. She could feel her own release, already built from a week of depriving herself of him, threatening to take herself over already. She reached up and pulled her down on top of her digging her nails into his flesh. He grunted into her shoulder and the pain mixing with the pleasure only forced him to move faster and harder into her.
She gasped as he hoisted her right leg up against his shoulder making the movement seamless and effortless. This only allowed him deeper access to her, and she was sure that any second she was going to burst. She could feel him getting closer with her and just when she was sure she couldn't hold out any longer, they both released together.
Lexi threw her head back against the pillow and released all the air she had been holding in her lungs as her legs shook from exertion. Ramsey rested his head against her chest his breathing ragged and heavy.
He kissed her forehead once more before sliding off the bed to clean up. She lay back against his comforter and stared dreamy-eyed up at the ceiling. When he returned, she snuggled up against him letting her eyes drift closed. "You promise?" she whispered.
"You don't think that was a promise?" he murmured back.
"That was amazing."
He smiled into her now mussed hair. "You're amazing and yes, I love you."
"And it's all the truth," she said barely audible as she drifted to sleep against him.
"Yeah baby, it's all the truth."
I love all my reviewers and if you want to like me on facebook to get more information about the book and when things will be posted follow me here: facebook pages/KA-Linde/212796458753281.
K.A. Linde
Unintentional Lying
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
-Florence + the Machine "Cosmic Love"
Chapter 22: July One Month Earlier
"Ramsey I really need to talk to you," Parker cried panting a little as if she had just sprinted down the hallway. She was still in scrubs like she had come straight from the hospital.
He stood shakily and stared between the two women in his office. "About what you told Lexi?" he growled.
Parker's lips parted as she realized she had just walked in on Lexi and Ramsey. She nodded. "Uh yeah…I told her."
"Of course you did," he grumbled throwing his arms in the air. He couldn't believe this had happened to him. Parker hadn't even had the decency to let him know that she had sprung this on Lexi. She had allowed him to think that Lexi was just going through a hard time right now. At least that is what he had assumed was the case. Both girls had obviously known for quite some time and yet, neither had let him know up until this moment. The fact that Parker had intruded at all drove him crazy.
Parker assessed the situation at hand. Clearly, Lexi had decided to tell Ramsey about what was going on. She had been waiting for this moment too anxious to do anything about it one way or another. She would have rather caught Ramsey after Lexi was through with him. She might have been able to calm him down alone, but with Lexi in the room it would be impossible. He would have too much to prove. She knew she needed to leave and allow them this time to figure things out. "Uh, I see I've come at a bad time," Parker said easing back out of the room.
Ramsey couldn't believe her cowardice. First not telling him about this and then trying to back out of the situation. No, that just wouldn't do. "Wait a minute," Ramsey demanded stopping her in her tracks.
"Yes?" she squeaked out. She stopped mid-step. She had been afraid that he wouldn't let her just extract herself from the conversation. She had said and did too much. She knew him too well to not understand that he was thinking she needed to fix this.
He wanted to make her realize the weight of the situation. What she had done by telling Lexi wasn't just some small act of self-righteousness or pity or whatever she was going to delude herself into believing, it had the potential to be irreparably damaging to his relationship. Just the thought made his anger at Parker rise up. "Why can't you just stay out of my fucking business?" he asked staring her down menacingly.
Parker knew he would be mad. She had anticipated that, but she hated that it was directed at her even if she kind of deserved some of the blame. She had just hoped to put off some of that anger as long as possible. Yet, she couldn't just stand there defenseless. She had a reason for telling Lexi and she was going to stand her ground on that front. "I think she had a right to know," Parker responded flinching at the tone of his voice and grasping the door handle.
Ramsey shook his head from side to side slowly. "Well I'm so glad you told the story," he sneered stepping away from Parker as if she were the last person he wanted to be around. He knew her story put him in such a negative light that it only infuriated him further that he wasn't the one who had been able to tell her. If Parker had only said something…
Parker closed her eyes and stepped farther away from him. The force of his anger was radiating off him in waves. She wanted to just leave, but the weight of his gaze held her in place. She hated to even ask the next question since it just implicated her further, but she just couldn't stop herself. Something in his demeanor forced Parker on. "Were you even going to tell her?"
"That's none of your goddamn business!" he snapped back slamming his hand down on his desk in anger. He couldn't believe she had even asked that. Of all the things to bring up! She knew it was going to hurt him and she knew it made him look even worse than he had looked before if that was even possible. Parker knew him too well, and right now he was hating that fact.
Lexi had been watching their exchange intently for the past couple minutes. Up until that moment, she hadn't really seen an opportunity to interrupt the conversation even though it directly related to her, and it was her argument to begin with. Parker's arrival had completely thrown her off base and she was still attempting to get her bearings about how to proceed. On one hand, it was ideal because Parker could confirm or deny the stories that Ramsey was sure to throw her way especially with the pregnancy discrepancy. She was still up in the air with who to believe about that one. One the other hand, Parker made things complicated. She was the reason Lexi was here at all. She was the reason her and Ramsey were having this conversation. She was the reason that her relationship was on thin ice. Lexi hated her for that even if she had needed to know the truth about the situation. She knew the whole phrase about don't shoot the messenger, but she really didn't want to follow it in that moment.
It didn't help that it seemed Ramsey and Parker spoke their own language. They were arguing with each other and yelling at each other, but somehow Lexi felt as if she had missed half of what had been said. She realized that more was being said in their sidelong looks and body language than anything they were actually saying to each other. She just wished that she understood their language. They had known each other and been together in a relationship for so long that they never lost the bond that so many couples developed. Lexi knew that she could talk to Jack without saying anything, but what Parker and Ramsey had was completely different…it was on a whole different level. She didn't particularly like it either.
Hearing Ramsey announce that it was none of her business whether or not she was going to tell Lexi set her off though. She couldn't just stand by and let him ignore her presence any longer. "Well it's my business," Lexi cut in, "and I think I have a right to know if you were ever going to tell me."
Ramsey stared down at his palm which was now flat against his desk and sighed. He hated having this conversation. He hated that Parker and Lexi were in the same vicinity. He hated that his past had caught up with him when it was the last thing that he wanted to drag Lexi into. He just wanted her to understand that she was it for him. "This doesn't have anything to do with our relationship," he told her brusquely grinding his teeth at the thought.
Lexi openly scoffed at him. How could he be so naïve to think that his past didn't affect his future? Lexi had realized long ago how big of a part your past played in your present. That would be like saying that her relationship with Jack had nothing to do with who she was today. It would be a total 100% lie. Jack had so much to do with who she was. He had changed her forever…for better or for worse. She liked to think he had done both, but sometimes she wondered.
In either case, Parker had done a number on him. Sure their relationship had been a far cry from what she had had with Jack, but if anything it had more effect because they had been together for real for so long. Not to mention their terrible practically catastrophic ending had only jaded him. He didn't trust people. He didn't let people in. He hadn't had a decent relationship before Lexi since he and Parker had broken up. The very idea that the situation didn't have anything to do with him and how he was acting now was absolutely ludicrous.
"Really?" Lexi asked nearly laughing out loud at him. "You lying to me has nothing to do with our relationship?"
Ramsey leaned against the desk heavily. He couldn't believe she was taking his statement that way. "No, Lexi that's not what I meant. I meant that Parker has no place in our relationship," he quickly amended.
"The fact that you have to clarify that is truly telling," she murmured turning away from Parker and Ramsey. She began walking the length of Ramsey's desk back and forth seething with anger. She didn't know what his current relationship was with Parker. She wanted to hope for the best, but really her past had always proven otherwise. And how could she trust him anyway? He had lied about their relationship once. They might both be hiding the state of their current relationship. She wasn't here all that often because of school so he could have been with her at that time. He could be hiding so much more from her without her knowledge.
"Look," Parker began clearly still undecided on her place in this conversation, "I really don't have a place in your relationship." Lexi looked up at Parker as she spoke. She hadn't forgotten that she was there, but she hadn't exactly expected Parker to address her. Not that her statement made any difference to Lexi. She was starting to doubt her trust of Parker even if Brandon had more or less confirmed her story.
"Yet you weaseled yourself in," Ramsey growled keeping Parker from saying anything further. He was thankful that Parker had the sense to agree with him, but it didn't excuse her insertion into his relationship. They had too much history for her to interfere the way she had. He still couldn't believe it himself.
Parker's head snapped so fast in Ramsey's direction that she got a crick in her neck that she knew would be sore the next day. She honestly could not believe he had just said that. She had done what she thought was right. She might have acted impulsively, but her head had been in the right place about the situation.
The last thing she wanted was for another woman to fall for Ramsey's age old tricks and get burned. She knew they were both in over their heads and that the secrets were never going to come out. If she had known what level he was capable of hurting her, she would have wanted to know from the beginning. Then he has the audacity to claim she was weaseling her way into his relationship. She couldn't stand it!
"It's not exactly my fault that I have to be around you all the time," Parker spat out without a second thought. Her venom carried years of pain and heartache over the man in front of her, and she hadn't even thought before spitting out the first thing that she thought.
Ramsey leveled his gaze on her. His green eyes could have burned a hole through her. His jaw was taut and usually full lips were pulled tight into a straight line. Tiny wrinkles across his forehead and around his eyes showed the true fierceness of his anger. Parker swallowed hard as she met that gaze. She knew what that look meant. She had fucked up. Parker darted her eyes to Lexi and back hoping that she hadn't noticed. Parker wasn't that lucky.
Lexi stopped her pacing and turned back to Parker at the end of that last statement. Where had that come from? What the fuck was she talking about? Since when did they have to be around each other all the time? This was news to her. This was news that she had never wanted to hear. She had just been doubting their relationship, and here they were confirming that they actually still had some semblance of a relationship. She didn't know the extent of it, but clearly by Parker's last comment it was existed in some fashion. This was more than Lexi had been told about it though which didn't bode well for Ramsey.
"Wait," she cried holding her hand up to draw their attention back to her and keeping them from deftly changing the subject, "why exactly do you guys have to be around each other all the time?" Lexi eyed them both carefully. She knew they had their own language and she didn't want to miss anything that was going on between them. Hopefully she would be able to pull something from their sidelong glances that told her one way or another what was going and if they were lying to her.
"Uh…" Parker mumbled looking at the ground. She couldn't even face the two people standing before her. She hadn't meant to slip up, but she didn't know how to fix it. What she had almost revealed wasn't public knowledge yet and she knew that Ramsey wasn't ready to discuss it with Lexi. She would have preferred to get it all out in the open, but there were so few people who knew the details that Parker couldn't exactly blame him from excluding everyone except the people directly involved with the project. She just hoped that she hadn't done more damage even though she had been the biggest advocate for letting Lexi know about what was going on.
Ramsey couldn't believe how Parker had let that last bit slip. He didn't even know why she was so pissed about the whole situation. He was the one angry for her telling Lexi about their entire relationship before he had been ready. Yet she had nearly let another thing slip that he wasn't prepared to tell her. How could someone so intelligent possibly be so stupid? Ramsey tried to keep from openly glaring at Parker as she stood there stupidly, but she made it damn near impossible. At least she wouldn't look him in the eye or else his demeaning glare sure would have said a lot more to her. Though, he figured she knew that without looking.
The only problem was how he could fix this with Lexi. It seemed like all he was doing was making mistakes and trying to find a way to make it up to her. The last thing he wanted was to bring this line of conversation up when she had just been blown away with Parker's confessions. "It's stuff you don't want to have anything to do with," Ramsey finally responded meeting Lexi's eye.
Lexi's dark brown eyes looked back at him suspiciously. She couldn't believe that was his response that she just wouldn't want to know about what Parker had said. Clearly she wanted to know or else she wouldn't have asked. "I'm sorry, but I just heard that my boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend have to spend all this time together. Oh and by the way I knew nothing about any of this," she muttered scathingly. "I think I'd want to know what the fuck this is all about."
"Ramsey, can't we just tell her?" Parker breathed barely louder than a whisper. She hated hiding the truth especially in this kind of situation. It would only make things worse in the end.
"Tell me what?" Lexi crowed turning on Parker who still wouldn't look at her. Lexi was just getting angrier the longer they kept more information from her.
"Look you really don't want to know!" he told her again a bit more vehemently.
By now of course, Lexi wanted to know nothing more than why she couldn't know and what the big secret was. This was infuriating. How much more convincing did she have to do? She told him she wanted to know. She had already insisted she didn't want any more lies, and yet here he was keeping something from her. She shook her head in disbelief. "Just tell me! Why do there have to be so many secrets between us?"
"Ramsey," Parker pleaded softly. She sincerely felt for the girl. Poor thing had no idea what she was dealing with.
Ramsey paused contemplating his options before sputtering angrily hating that he had to do this. "Look it just has to do with the wedding alright," he snapped. His eyes shifted to Parker whose own mouth had snapped shut. He could gauge her reaction as she tried to look at anything but him. He just hoped that Lexi couldn't see through her mask of disappointment and regret.
"Oh God," Lexi cried, "can we not talk about the wedding?" Lexi shuddered at the thought of Jack's wedding, period. She did not want to hear anything about it. She did not even want to think about it. She didn't miss the sneaky look that passed between Ramsey and Parker, but she didn't want to know what it had to do with the wedding. The last thing she wanted to know about was wedding.
"See I told you it was the last thing you wanted to talk about and that I wasn't going to bring it up," he said sliding a hand through his hair and letting out a relieved sigh. It was true that they had been spending more time together because of wedding preparations, but he hated that he had had to exploit Lexi's weakness about the wedding to avoid taking responsibility for the real reason.
"Whatever," Lexi said dismissively, "I still don't understand why you had to lie about the other stuff. You know my past and how important trust is to me. How do I know you didn't lie about anything else? How do I even know you care about me?" Lexi didn't like stating that last statement. It made her feel incredibly weak and vulnerable. Her heart was in his hands at that last comment. She cared about him deeply. In fact, she knew that she loved him. It terrified her to put so much into one person only to not know where her future was taking her. She thought they had been on some sort of path, but his lying certainly made it clear that he had other things in mind. He couldn't even trust her with his past. How could he trust her with his future?
Ramsey looked at Parker as if this were all her fault knowing that it was only partly the case. The majority of the blame landed on him for deceiving Lexi into believing she was his first true love. Now she didn't even believe that he loved her all, because he had lied about loving someone else before her. He felt like an idiot. "You know how I feel about you," he said earnestly moving towards Lexi to reassure her. He would do anything to reassure her of his feelings. Lexi took a hesitant step back countering his movements. She wasn't prepared to be in close proximity to him.
"Yet you lie," she breathed shaking her head at his advance.
"It wasn't intentional for me to lie to you about it," he groaned miserably.
"Unintentional lying?" Lexi asked rolling her eyes. "That's rich."
"No, come on. I told you that Parker and I don't discuss this stuff with people. Well usually not," he said sliding his eyes towards Parker. She had broken that trend. It had been an unspoken truce between them that neither would divulge information about it anymore. It hurt them both too much to discuss it, and she had done it anyway. "Anyone who knew we were together knows better than to bring it up and the details were suppressed. Tell her Parker," he barked demanding her assistance in convincing his girlfriend that he cared about her that he wasn't a complete liar. Parker was the one who had broken their rules. Ramsey hadn't even seen it coming.
Parker sighed and sank into one of his cushioned chairs as if resolved that she had to remain for the remainder of this conversation. She knew what he had said was true and that she had more or less gone behind his back to tell Lexi the truth. She still felt justified in it. Even if she had told Ramsey that they should tell her about what happened, he wouldn't have listened. Once he got an idea in his head about how things were going to be that was it, but she did have to agree with him. "We really don't tell people."
"You told me," she said defiantly.
"I thought you deserved the truth. I could see where Ramsey's head was with you and couldn't hold it in. I didn't want your world to come crashing down around you…like mine did." Parker bit her lip anxiously before continuing. She knew Ramsey wouldn't be pleased with her statements, but at least it confirmed his story that they didn't talk about these things. "But honestly, I haven't told the whole story to anyone in a very long time and Ramsey I doubt has ever told anyone."
"Well fine you don't normally tell people about it, but did you have to lie?" Lexi questioned him. "Couldn't you have just told me that she existed so I wouldn't be blindsided? Why did I have to hear her side first?"
"Lexi I told you I don't have an excuse. This is what Parker and I always did. We didn't tell people what happened. Parker was the only one who ever told and she always seems to get there first with her distorted version of reality," Ramsey grumbled. Lexi could tell just by the reactions of both parties that they had argued about this before and rather often.
"My reality isn't distorted," Parker sputtered looking up from where she was seated. "I was there. I actually know what happened. You weren't even there for everything…"
"Because you left! We argued and you left. How could I talk to you about it?"
"Ancient history," Parker said with a sad shoulder shrug.
"And you told her you miscarried," he spat at her his anger bubbling up again.
"Ramsey I did," she moaned a tear rolling down her cheek at the mention of her lost pregnancy. She sounded as if she had said this same thing many times. Lexi wondered how many times she had tried to convince Ramsey that she had miscarried. She wondered if Parker actually had. She just didn't know.
He shook his head in disbelief. "And you believe her?" Ramsey asked turning on Lexi.
Lexi didn't know if she truly believed Parker's side, but she was even more uncertain about Ramsey. "She's not the one who's been lying to me from the beginning. I don't see why I should believe you?" she told him. "Does an abortion that sent you over the edge sound any more plausible in your story?" Lexi asked crossing her arms over her chest.
