Текст книги "Avoiding Responsibility"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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"And what look is that?" Lexi asked mystified by her friend's observation skills.

"Like this," Chyna said looking doe-eyed, her mouth turning up into a half-smile as if she were keeping a secret from the rest of the world, her head tilting slightly upwards, and a small sigh escaped her lips.

"I do not look like that," Lexi cried pushing Chyna away.

"You had that exact look when you walked through my door. I'd know it anywhere. You have looks when you're thinking about someone. I know you too well not to notice."

"Oh yeah? Who else do I have one for then?"

Chyna's eyes slanted seductively sideways, licked her pouted lips, let a smirk cross her face, and breathed out heavily a few times. Lexi stared at her in awe wondering what this was all about. After a second, Chyna returned to her typical look and said, "That was when you think about Jack."

Lexi colored slightly at the reenactment. "Whatever," she said huskily wishing she could cover her embarrassment. They didn't typically talk about Jack, because it tended to bring up rather unpleasant memories…memories Lexi didn't like to dwell on.

"Anyway," Chyna said clearing her throat, "what did Ramsey call to talk to you about?" Lexi sighed and pushed her fingers through her hair as she yanked the ponytail holder out of place. She stood up from the plastic covered furniture and made a slow circle around the part of the room that wasn't a disaster. "This can't be good," Chyna ventured.

"No, it's fine. I'm just letting it get to me," Lexi told her vaguely.

"Well don't, whatever it is, don't let it get to you. You know you need to work on not letting these boys control your emotions chica."

"I know Chy. Don't remind me. That's all I've been thinking about since he called. I need to control myself. I need to control myself. But it's not that simple," she cried throwing her arms down and staring helplessly at her friend.

"Girl I know better than anyone. I've been here through it all for you," she said reassuringly. Chyna stood and moved next to her. "So what's up with him? Something different?"

"He…" Lexi sighed hating that she had to say this out loud, "he invited me to the wedding."

"What?" Chyna asked taking a step back. "As in Jack's wedding?" Chyna's eyes had expanded to record proportions, eyebrows raised, and mouth a little o-shape in disbelief.

"Yeah as in Jack's wedding," Lexi confirmed.

"Is he out of his fucking mind?" Chyna cried.

"I asked him if he was," Lexi said chuckling quietly.

"You can't go!"

"You think I don't know that?" Lexi asked pulling away from Chyna and looking out across the living room. "He just wanted to go with me. He wanted me to be there with him."

"I know how hard it must be, but you can't let him do this to you," Chyna told her trying to be the voice of reason. "It doesn't change what happened. I know it doesn't make things better. But at least you know now."

"I know," Lexi said nodding. "He's just, you know…Ramsey."

"I know," Chyna agreed sympathetically, "but you can't go to that wedding. Did he tell you the date?"

Pop music sounded in the living room causing both girls to jump. Lexi walked around the side of the couch and scooped up her purse. "No. Thank God," Lexi told Chyna reaching into her bag. "I almost had a heart attack right there when he tried to tell me the date."

"I'm not surprised."

"Hold on," Lexi said clicking the green button and answering the call. "Hello?"

"Lexi," Ramsey's voice filled her ears.

"Uh…" Lexi stammered glancing anxiously at Chyna and mouthing who the caller was. Chyna shook her head vehemently and held her hand out for the phone as if she were ready to dismiss the call at any moment. "Hey," Lexi said waving Chyna away.

"Hey. I know I called earlier, but you said you would talk to me later and I thought now is…well…later. You know? I just really didn't get to talk to you this morning. And I need to talk you," he said babbling nervously.

This made Lexi smile despite herself. He was always so cute when he babbled on about things. Chyna glowered at Lexi's reaction and poked her in the side to remind her to stay on track. "Yeah, well this morning really wasn't a great time, but the answer is still no Ramsey." Lexi wandered down the hallway and into an empty guestroom to continue her conversation in peace.

"I know. I mean, I knew all along you were going to say no," he said dejected.

"Then why even bother to ask me?" she could help asking.

"I was hoping you might change your mind," he said hopefully, "if you knew everything."

"I'm pretty sure I know everything," she grumbled.

"Parker is going to be there."

Lexi cringed to keep from saying anything stupid. She really did not want to be having this conversation. When she had left things with Jack, she had promised that she would never again let anything like that happen…not even close. She needed control. She needed to be in control. Ramsey swayed her emotions in a completely different way than Jack, and she was alright with that. It was just when the lack of control started creeping in she couldn't handle it.

The way Ramsey just brought Parker up like this hoping to influence her decision made things even worse. Her stomach had dropped when Ramsey had mentioned Parker and she couldn't explain why. She and Ramsey weren't together. It shouldn't matter to her whether Parker was going to be there or not.

But it did.

Of course it mattered to her which is exactly the reason he had brought it up. And it was exactly why she couldn't let it get to her or else he would have her hook, line, and sinker.

"Great," Lexi stated as fake cheerful as she could get.

"Look I want you to be there if Parker is going," he told her willing her to finally agree to come with him to this wedding.

"You want me to be there because Parker is going to be there?" Lexi asked incredulously. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I'd just feel more comfortable knowing you're around," he told her pleading with every word.

She really hated hearing him beg her. If things had been different and they hadn't just gone through so much together, then maybe she would have changed her mind, but probably not. She had to keep reminding herself what he was asking her to do. She could not go to Jack's wedding under any circumstances.

"So you can control what's going on?" she asked dryly a sting of venom in the comment.

He sighed heavily once more. "No, that's not it at all. Parker is just…you know and I'd feel better knowing that you were there too."

"Ramsey, as much as I'd love to be around you and Parker at the same time," Lexi told him sarcastically. "I cannot…no, I will not go to that wedding. Can you not understand? This is Jack we're talking about marrying your sister. I just cannot fathom a reason good enough to go."

"To visit me?" he asked hopefully.

"If I wanted to visit you Ramsey, I would just fly to Atlanta. I wouldn't have to go to that miserable wedding to see you," she muttered angrily. "So please, do not ask me again."

Lexi could hear the defeat in the next breath he took. He was weighing his options of whether or not to push her on the subject. It wouldn't be smart on his part. She wasn't wavering on this one like she had when Jack had called her. A lot had happened in a year and she wasn't the same person she had been back then. She had tried to say no to Jack, rather unsuccessfully, but she couldn't keep repeating history. She was too good at that to begin with.

"Alright Lexi. I won't ask again. Sorry for bothering you. Will I see you again?" he asked sounding even more disheartened than when she had first told him that she wasn't going to be in attendance.

She didn't know how to answer him either. She strode across the bedroom to stand in front of the large mirror standing on top of a hard oak desk. Her mind was telling her that she should tell him no, but she couldn't help that her heart was telling her otherwise.

She hadn't seen him in nearly three weeks since she had left him all alone in Atlanta. A wave of déjà vu passed over her in the aftermath of her reminiscence. Now she had left two men behind in Atlanta. Both who she cared deeply for but in very different ways.

Jack, it was difficult to even think about him, was a necessary loss. They were self-destructive when in each other's company. Their emotions were too strong, too heated. Their senses dulled and imaginations set free. They left a path of pain for whoever ventured near, and Jack and Lexi weren't immune to the catastrophes they created. There was a reason the sin of lust was whirled around for eternity in Dante's Inferno. No matter where they went, they couldn't help but ceaselessly be in a whirlwind always crossing that fine line between love and lust.

But did Ramsey have to be a necessary loss as well?

Admittedly, she met Ramsey around the same time she had met Jack. She simply had no direct connection to that meeting, as she had with Jack. With the passing of time, their paths had crossed again at the club in New York. It had to be more than coincidence that they had met up again in Atlanta.

Lexi wasn't a mystical person and she didn't typically adhere to fortune telling or fate. But with Ramsey, she wasn't sure if there was any other way to describe it. They had too many chances meetings. And though things hadn't worked out for them when she had been in Atlanta, she didn't necessarily want that to be the end. Even though she shouldn't, she missed him.

It was too bad he had used up his second…and third chance. They were far from perfect, but she couldn't keep letting herself fall into another path with the potential to be nearly as destructive.

"I…I don't know Ramsey," she mumbled finally giving him the best answer she could muster.

"Well, that's better than no," he said always the optimist.

She chuckled to herself. "Yeah I guess so."

"Please let me see you. I promise I won't bring up the wedding again. I just…I miss you. I'm so sorry about everything. I'd understand if you were mad at me and didn't want to see me, but I really, really miss you. I've never met anyone like you Lexi, and I don't want to waste anymore time letting you slip through my fingers," he announced.

"I can't make that kind of commitment," she told him sullenly reverting back into her standard argument. She wasn't good with commitment. She had cheated on everyone she had ever cared about. Somehow, she had even managed to become a pretty good liar, a fact she wasn't exactly proud of.

"I wish I was there to kiss you," he whispered huskily into the phone.

"Ramsey," she said warningly, but her voice had lowered impishly with the comment.

"Tell me you'll see me again," he commanded, but the words were gentle.

"I…" she trailed off. "Are you planning on being in New York?" She assumed he didn't have plans to be up here, not that money was an issue. But if he didn't already have plans, then she could stall just a little bit longer. It hadn't even been a month since they had been apart, and though she missed him, it wasn't long enough for her to try to forget him either. If he crashed back into her life so soon, she wasn't sure she'd have the will to walk out again.

"Actually, I am," he told her cheerfully knowing, somehow, that he had her in a corner.

"Oh," she blurted out in surprise. She hadn't exactly been expecting that. Maybe he was bluffing. "What are you doing up here?"

"I have...business to attend to," he muttered vaguely.

Lexi's eyes darkened. She did not want to have anything to do with his business matters. Who knew what he had planned if he was up here for business? He could be doing literally anything, and she didn't want to be involved. "Well count me out," she told him fiercely.

"Something for good ole daddy, Lexi," he mumbled obviously perturbed about the whole situation.

"Oh," she said again. That changed things. His father, the owner of Bridges Enterprise, a multi-million dollar conglomerate, frequently had Ramsey attend to business matters when he was traveling. Ramsey, who hated working for his father for so many reasons Lexi had stopped counting, usually did them more for Bekah than anyone else. They had a strange bond as brother and sister. A bond Lexi didn't much like since Bekah was the scum of the universe.

"So what do you say?" he asked hopefully.

"Uh, alright then," she agreed listening to the devil on her shoulder, "you can visit, but Ramsey…"

"Yes?" he asked practically giddy with excitement.

"Don't you dare bring up that wedding," she warned him.

K.A. Linde

Drugged

"Like indecision to call you

and hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight

Stop this pain tonight"

-Blink 182 "I Miss You"

Chapter 2: September Eleven Months Earlier

Pilates was one of the first things Lexi decided she was going to do to forget everything that had happened in Atlanta. She signed up for a semester long class with her excess student loan money. She was still in shape from her semi-regular jogs around the city, but it just wasn't enough. No matter what she did, law school managed to add a few extra pounds when she wasn't looking. Though she had always had a petite frame and was still rather small, she didn't like the excess weight any more than any other woman in America. Not to mention after two years of going cold turkey without her gymnastics training, her flexibility was shot. She could barely fall into a regular split, and to any prior gymnast, it was an embarrassment.

Lexi rolled over on her purple mat as the teacher instructed her into a plank position. Her core muscles hardened underneath her as she held the push-up like pose. She could feel her body begin to shake from the effort, but she held her head high and kept a smile on her face to loosen her features. Just when she thought she would collapse, the teacher instructed them to release. Lexi pushed over her toes, laying her legs flat against the mat, and arching her back. Every core muscle expanded and she let her head drop backwards for that added sensation.

Rolling back over her toes, Lexi shot her butt up into the air in a downwards dog position giving her calves and shoulders a thorough working. She alternated feet, pressing each heel into the ground, and holding the move.

The tiny Pilates instructor came up behind her and flattened out her back, adjusting the position just enough to get maximum potential out of the movement. "Very good," she complimented. She flung her waist length braid over her shoulder as she stood and moved to another student.

Lexi breathed into the position letting all the built up energy of the past month release from her body. School had started as expected and though her courses were rigorous, the anticipation of graduation looming over everything relaxed students and faculty alike. Relaxed was a relative term, of course, since she still had reading for obscure law courses in statutory interpretation and other such material that was supposed to prep her for the bar and the real world. She wasn't certain they were really prepping her for anything.

Just as the instructor began working them through the next series of movements a loud jingle began playing from one of the bags stuffed against the adjacent wall. Lexi's face colored as she realized that was her ring tone. Cell phones were strictly forbidden on any setting other than silent. Lexi hadn't even realized that her phone had been on until that second.

Jumping up from her seated position, Lexi scrambled to the other side of the room and switched it off. The teacher glanced at her disapprovingly and went back to her work. A few other faces still glared at her as she flipped open the phone and glanced down at the screen. Chyna's name appeared across the front and just as she was about to scurry back to her mat in hopes of regaining some of her earlier composure, a text filled the screen.

"911! Get ur ass over here."

Lexi groaned inwardly at the abrupt change of course her afternoon was taking. She stuffed her cell phone back into her purse and threw it into the pile with her other stuff. She wanted to kick herself for giving into Chyna's hysterical whims, but her friend was important to her. Girlfriends had come and gone in the past, but she couldn't imagine life without her friend who had seen her go through the most grueling part of her life. Their chance meeting outside of a club when Lexi had all but called her a snooty, rich bitch had sealed their fate. And if Chyna said there was an emergency, Lexi came running, because she knew Chyna had always been there for her when she needed her most.

With that in mind, Lexi rushed back to her mat and began rolling it up. She slipped the cover over the squishy material and slung it over her shoulder. "Kathy I have to run," she said approaching the woman and smiling apologetically.

"Come back and make it up later in the week," Kathy said her smile warm and understanding. The woman was a god send, honestly. Lexi knew Pilates and Yoga instructors were chill, but she had never met a woman quite as gracious and caring. Lexi sometimes wondered why she hadn't become a therapist since her natural aptitudes involved healing the mind and body.

After signing up for a make-up session with the receptionist, Lexi rushed out on the busy Manhattan street and pulled her phone back out. "What's the 911 chica?" she punched into system and hit send.

She pushed a loose wisp of hair behind her ear and continued down the street dodging pedestrians. Almost instantly she had a return message, "Tell u when u get here. Hurry!"

Lexi sighed and broke into a light jog. She wasn't certain if it was necessary for her to be rushing to Chyna's apartment, but she didn't want to take the chance. Chyna was prone to dramatic flairs, but it wasn't typically a 911 situation when she went off on her rampage. Running out of breathe and energy, Lexi briskly walked the next few blocks resting momentarily as she reached the door front to Chyna's apartment. Her lime green, messenger bag smacked one last time against her back as she reached forward to hold onto a pole for support.

"Miss Lexi, are you alright?" a concerned Bernard asked her.

"Fine, just ran here from across town. Chyna said it was 911," she managed to get out through gasping breathes. "You know anything about this Mr. B?"

Bernard averted his eyes to the ground and gulped. "I can't really say," he mumbled.

The two years Lexi had known Chyna, Bernard had always given her a straight answer. Yes, he sometimes answered her in a goofy even sarcastic manner, but he still answered her. She had never been blown off by him of all people. He had never had a reason to. His reaction pumped a fresh wave of adrenaline into her system, and she bolted through the open door. The elevator felt as if it was taking a century to reach the top floor of the building. The classical music was more grating than normal. Lexi could feel her heart beating in her ears as the elevator stopped and deposited her on the floor. She pushed hard against the opening door forcing it to move just a fraction of an inch faster.

Hopping onto the cream carpet, Lexi bolted down the hallway. She fumbled with her key too anxious to get the thing properly out of her bag. The keychain slipped out of her hand and onto the floor. She cursed under her breath as she reached down to pick up the thing. Inserting the gold key into the lock, she twisted the handle and burst through the open door.

"Chyna?" she called racing into the immaculately decorated living room.

Lexi skidded to a halt at the end of foyer her blood turning cold as ice at the scene before her. Chyna was seated on her leather sofa, legs crossed, in a demure, black, pant suit. Lexi wasn't certain Chyna even owned clothes in this fashion. Her beautiful Italian skin was sheet white with just the lightest twinge of green as if she might be sick at any moment. Her bright green eyes were glassy as she looked near to tears, but her head was held strong. She was stubborn and refused to let the hardness leave her features for fear of breaking down. Lexi had never seen her friend look quite so distraught over anything, but she could understand why.

Standing directly in front of Chyna in a very expensive, charcoal suit was a man who was everything Lexi imagined him to be. She had only seen the man once in a photograph, never in person. She gulped hard feeling a knot form in her stomach and making it hard for her to swallow.

The man turned at Lexi's approach and made her body quaver even more at the incredibly threatening and overpowering aura that radiated from his very being. He was well over six feet tall with sharp, all-knowing brown eyes and cropped brown hair. With just one look, it was obvious he commanded attention, not unlike the woman sitting before him.

"Hello Mr. Van Der Wal," Lexi stammered out standing uncomfortably before Chyna's father.

His eyes traveled the length of her body seemingly taking in every detail while at the same time remaining strictly professional. He was observing her as if she were cattle ready for slaughter. No emotion marred his face as he continued his inspection.

Lexi was distinctly aware, in that moment, of her tight, black, Yoga pants that hugged every inch of her lower half and the flimsy white tank damp with sweat from her class. Her hair was in a messy bun stuffed haphazardly onto the top of her head. Wisps were loose from her brisk jog to the apartment and the back of her neck was still slick. She shifted awkwardly onto one hip and waited for him to finish staring at her and actually say something.

"She'll do," he commented indifferently as he glanced back at Chyna briefly. Lexi had no idea what that meant, but she was sure that she didn't want to find out.

"Are you sure?" Chyna asked sarcasm dripping from her voice as she cocked one perfectly waxed eyebrow to the ceiling.

"Don't get smart with me young lady," he snapped, his face hardening ever so slightly into a look that could make anyone shake in their boots.

Chyna didn't even flinch. Lexi was proud of her for that at least. Instead she just swept her long black hair over to one shoulder and smiled as sweetly as she could. A little bit of color had crept back into her cheeks when his attention had been briefly diverted and given her the courage to speak up.

"Never daddy," she purred lowering her long black lashes.

He growled something incoherent and tore his eyes from Chyna. "Just do what you're told," he grumbled just before brushing past Lexi and existing out the front door.

The wave of relief that followed his exit crashed into the room. Chyna slumped back against the sofa and heaved her chest up and down. She placed her hands over her eyes hoping to keep from collapsing into herself. Lexi had no idea what to do. She had never been in this kind of situation, and she didn't even know what was going on. She instantly went to her side and wrapped a comforting arm around Chyna's petite shoulders. It didn't matter what had just happened. All that mattered was that she was here now to comfort her.

"Are you okay?" Lexi asked pulling Chyna close. She knew it was a stupid question. Obviously, Chyna was not alright in that moment, but what else was there to ask. She had just witnessed something that she was certain very few other people had been able to see: Chyna in a vulnerable state.

Chyna pushed her hands up through her silky hair and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. "I'll be fine," she mumbled.

"I know you will eventually, but what the hell was all that about?" Lexi couldn't help asking. "When I walked in, you looked like a ghost. What is your dad even doing here? I thought you two had nothing to do with each other."

"We don't," Chyna said standing from her spot and pacing the living room. "That's the way we like to keep it. Didn't you hear what he said?"

"About what?" Lexi asked confused.

"He told me not to act like my fucking whore of a mother," she cried slapping her hands down against her thighs angrily.

Lexi's mouth dropped open. She knew the history between Chyna and her parents. They had divorced when Chyna was in high school because they were both sleeping around. Then after giving her the apartment Chyna was now living in, they had equally decided they wanted nothing to do with her. Chyna was too much like her father in personality and her mother in appearance for either of them to be able to handle their daughter.

"I can't believe that," Lexi mumbled in shock.

"He can't even look at me without thinking of her. I can't believe he had the gall to come here and speak to me like that in my own home. I don't give a fuck if he paid for the place ten fold. He has no right to barge in on me and boss me around. Then spring a fucking bomb on me."

"What happened?" Lexi asked her curiosity getting the best of her.

Chyna turned around abruptly and faced her best friend. The color was draining out her cheeks again at the realization that she was going to have to talk about what had just occurred. She wasn't used to being in this kind of position. Typically, she went through her problems alone. She liked to bottle up every terrible thing that had ever happened to her and keep it hidden away in a place no one else could see.

She didn't care about the strain that put on her as well as her relationships. She didn't care that it would dampen ever having a real relationship. Her reality couldn't exist any other way. It certainly hadn't helped her parents' lives by discussing all their issues with the general public, and she didn't think it would help her either.

But this wasn't the general public. This was Lexi, someone who already knew her history.

"My dad is getting remarried," she finally sputtered out.

"What?" Lexi balked her eyes bulging out. Her heart pounded away at the mention of marriage. It was still too soon for her to dissociate herself from Jack's betrayal. But she needed to focus on the present or she would fall back into her own state of depression when she needed to be here for a friend. "Since when?"

"Since four months ago when he proposed to her," Chyna muttered dejectedly.

"Four months? Oh C, I'm so sorry," Lexi said hopping up out of her seat and standing in front of her friend.

"I've never even met her," she blubbered falling into Lexi's open arms. She hadn't wanted to cry about this, but how could she not? Her father was marrying a woman she had never met before. She knew deep down that he didn't really want her in his life, but she had never thought that he would get engaged before even introducing the woman to Chyna.

"The bastard," Lexi cried encouragingly.

"I know," Chyna said pulling back and swiping at her eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm all…" she trailed off waving her hands in front of her face.

"Oh you don't have to worry about that. How many times have you seen me in a fit?" Lexi asked knowing the answer was a ridiculous amount. Lexi had her fair share of moments of the past two years for the both of them. Chyna was certainly due tears if she wanted to cry.

"I know, but this is dumb."

"What?" Lexi asked astonished. "You think it's smarter for me to cry over Jack, then for you to cry about your parents?"

Chyna chuckled once and let a small smile tease the corners of her mouth. "Well when you put it that way."

"See, I'm much more dysfunctional than you. You have every right to be upset."

"There's more," Chyna mumbled letting her green eyes rest back on her friend. Lexi didn't like the way she said that. What more could her father want from her? After barely speaking to Chyna for two years and dumping that tidbit of information on her, it was an asinine move to then continue the conversation.

"What else could he possibly have to say to you after that?"

Chyna took a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest. "He needs me to be at the engagement party this weekend."

"He cannot honestly expect you to show up to that."

"He didn't ask me to. He told me to," she said tilting her chin up.

"You don't have to go," Lexi told her reaching out to her.

"No, I do. You don't know what he's like. If I'm not there, it will be the end of the world. Even though I'm twenty-one, he still has direct access to my trust, and he's the owner of this apartment. He could kick me out on the streets," she murmured helplessly.

Lexi gasped. "He wouldn't dare!"

"Wouldn't he?" she screeched. "Did you see the look on his face when you got here? He was murderous. If I'd disobeyed him, I wouldn't have put it past him to ruin my life."

"But you're his daughter," Lexi cried unable to believe what she was hearing. How could anyone be so cruel?

"The daughter who is a constant reminder of his past life, of the life he was trying to get rid of. The daughter he was so eager to get rid of. He'd have already cut me off if he could."

Chyna couldn't believe she had just admitted everything. Speaking it all out loud for the first time really put everything into perspective. She truly believed that he would have gotten rid of her if he could. The only part of him that wanted to keep her around was the part that wanted to keep himself out of jail. He was a self-motivated asshole and his self interests would always come first.

"Chyna, I…I don't know what to say," Lexi muttered sympathizing with her friend's pain as best she could.

"Just say you'll come with me."

"Oh," Lexi stammered surprised by this response. "Yeah, I guess I could. Wouldn't that be awkward?"

"My dad is a big dick, but he insisted that I be there and come with, as he put it," Chyna gulped, "a boyfriend."

"He wants you to come with a boyfriend? But you don't have a boyfriend," Lexi said unable to keep from stating the obvious.

"I know," she stated barely above a whisper. Her voice was getting raspier the longer they had this conversation and Lexi could tell she was trying to keep the tears from unleashing on the world again. "You should have heard the way he was talking to me before you got here. He said I better not bring one of the guys I'm normally with. What is he trying to say that I run an escort service? That all the guys I date are man whores? That they can't conduct themselves in proper society?"