Текст книги "Beautifully Shattered"

Автор книги: Courtney Kristel

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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 31 страниц)

Chapter Eight

Reaching up, I thread my hands through his velvety soft hair. I pull his head down to me and press my lips to his. Jax releases his hold on my hips to cup my face as he deepens the kiss. I meet his tongue eagerly, loving the taste of him. I nibble on his lip and he growls into my mouth, turning me on even more. He’s the one to pull back first. I smile when I see he’s as breathless as I am. We’ve both just run an imaginary marathon.

The smoldering look he gives me makes me shiver. I’ve never wanted anyone as desperately as I want him right here, right now. Without thinking long enough to talk myself out of it, I grip his hand and lead him off the dance floor. If there wasn’t people everywhere I would be sprinting with him to the nearest closed door. I weave us through the crowd and out to the hallway. I pull him along while I find somewhere for us to be alone.

The first door we come to is locked. Same thing for the second one. We both sigh in relief when the third door opens. As I tug him in after me, my heel catches on the rug and I start to fall, but his grip on my hand saves me. He holds me to him as if he’s afraid to let me go. Spinning me around, he roughly slams his body into mine, banging my back into the wall. His hands are everywhere.

Oh God . . . his magical hands skim the side of my body. He then squeezes my hip. I’m positive that I’ll have a bruise there tomorrow. I bite my lip to suppress my moan, too afraid to break the silence because I don’t want anything to stop this. There’s a reason why he hasn’t uttered a single word. It will break the spell, it will give him away. I don’t dare stop him. If this is the way he wants to talk, then who am I to stop him. I love our new communication skills.

I manage to slide his tux jacket off his sculpted shoulders, but when he starts kissing my neck, I lose it and grasp his biceps to stay upright. I try to stay quiet, but it’s impossible, it feels too good.

“Oh . . . God . . . Ahh,” I moan out loud.

He makes the hottest noise I’ve ever heard in the back of his throat. Even the sounds he’s making are turning me on. I want him and I want him now. I push him off me with as much force as I can manage. The puzzled look he gives me makes me smirk. He thinks I’m stopping this. Ha! No way that’s happening. It’s been too long since I’ve felt him inside me. I lock the door.

I yank his shirt roughly out of his tuxedo pants and drag him towards a nearby chair in the room. I push him down. He sits in the chair and then slowly slides down the zipper on the side of my dress.

His eyes never stray from my face. The intensity in his stare makes me feel like the most seductive woman in the world. Knowing that he finds me beautiful gives me the courage to let my dress fall to the floor. I stand in my Louboutin and La Perla purple lace panties. Nothing else.

Jax’s gaze slowly leaves my faces as he takes in my naked breast, my tight stomach, barely-there panties, and then finally my toned legs. I move slowly to him, closing the distance between us. After the last step, I’m standing directly in front of him, ready to melt just from him watching me. I’ve never felt so wanted, so cherished in all of my life. He hasn’t even touched me yet, but I can feel him all the way to my core.

It suddenly dawns on me that I’m out of my element. I haven’t been with anyone else in six years. Jax has continued to sleep around with women who know exactly what to do in and out of the bedroom. I’m not them. I’ve only been with Jax. Standing in front of him in just panties, my newly found courage melts away. My mind races. Is it possible to forget how to have sex?

Luckily Jax takes the lead. He runs one finger from my left hipbone all the way to the right. With one look he gives me back all of the confidence that was drifting away. He’s showing me that he needs me as desperately as I need him. It’s his eyes, they give everything away, they always have. That one finger leaves goosebumps in its wake. I’m ready to convulse when his other hand traces the outline of my flat stomach.

“Please,” I moan loudly.

Jax chuckles as his hand falls away. I’m not even a little ashamed when I whimper in protest. I’m done with his games. They went out the window when I locked the door. I don’t want to go slow, the last six years has been leading up to this moment.

I straddle his lap while I unbutton his shirt. I bend my head down so I can press my lips to each inch of skin that I expose. He finally breaks the silence by letting out a moan. It’s my turn to chuckle. I slow my pace of removing his shirt just to make him as frustrated as I am. Too bad, Jax plays dirty. He roughly presses me harder into his lap. His erection hits me exactly where we both want it.

I give up trying to tease him and rip his shirt open. Buttons fly in every direction. My panties get drenched just from the noise of the buttons scattering on the marble flooring. I can’t wait for what’s going to come. He yanks his arms out of his shirt, eager to be rid of it. I take advantage of the fact that he’s leaning forward, into me, and press my breast into his face.

Jax groans loudly when I tug his hair to direct his mouth to my sensitive nipple. Too bad, Jax has other plans in mind. His head falls back as he smirks at me. It’s a smirk that tells me who is in charge. Him. I doubt I was ever in charge in the first place.

He licks a trail all the way from the middle of my breast to my neck, then nips at my jaw. I’m panting as I rub my clit on his rock hard cock. My breathing is embarrassingly fast and I’m positive that he can hear the loud thumping of my heart. He kisses each corner of my mouth and when he is close enough to my mouth that I can feel the heat from his breath, I try to kiss him but he pulls back with the smug look that I secretly love. I don’t love it now. Right now I hate it. Glaring at him, I pull his hair hard, and angrily kiss him.

His stupid smug smile reminds me of all the times he has given me whiplash lately. I want to make him pay. I want him to be the one to beg. I want to rip off our masks and stop pretending. I want him to know that I know it’s him, that it will always be him. I’m done with all of these charades. Resolve made, I unlatch my hands from around his neck and get off his lap.

Jax’s grin immediately disappears. He opens his mouth then closes it again. I can tell that he’s on the verge of saying something so I give him the biggest smirk in my book. That’s right, he can’t talk. If he does, all of this will drift away.

I have him. He knows it and so do I. I lick my lips and slowly drag my hands up my body and cup my breasts. I’m thankful that there’s enough light in here to see his green eyes darken. He makes a move to stand, but I shake my head. I run my hands through my hair and untie the bow and let the mask meet the same fate as my dress.

Without saying anything, I plead with Jax to do the same. I want this so badly, but I know I won’t be satisfied unless he is here with me, really here. I want Jax, not someone in a mask.

I wait for what seems like hours, but it’s only seconds. After about a minute, our awkward standoff is over. Jax shakes his head before tilting his head down so that I can’t see his face. My mouth drops open. I can’t believe he is so afraid to actually be here with me.

With fake confidence, I pick up my dress, raise an eyebrow at him, and when he doesn’t make a move towards me, I step back into it. I turn my back to him and zip it up. Once my dress is in place, I pluck my mask off the floor and put it back on as if I’m perfectly fine. I take a few calming breaths before turning around to face him again.

I see the anguish in his eyes, but I don’t care. He had his chance. Heck, the jerk had me naked on his lap. Okay, nearly naked, but still, my barely-there panties hardly count. I walk over to him still sitting in the chair, watching every move I make.

I trace his lips with my finger before saying, “Don’t worry, Jax, this wasn’t even good enough to remember, so it definitely isn’t good enough to mention again.”

He sharply inhales like I punched him in the gut. I spin quickly on my heel to flee, but not before I say, “This devil mask suits you better than the other one you arrived in. Have a nice night.” I unlock the door and storm out with my head held high.

I lean on the door to collect all the different emotions racing through me. Ready to throw up, I clutch my stomach. I’ve made a fool of myself. Of course The God wouldn’t truly be with me. I’m so stupid. My body shakes as I try not to pass out. My lungs aren’t working correctly. Slowly, I count backwards from ten like Liv has told me to do when I’m hyperventilating. It seems to work on my third attempt. The sick-to-my-stomach feeling dissipates, replaced by anger.

I can’t believe he just sat there and didn’t do anything. I’m proud of myself for realizing that I couldn’t finish what I started unless he was there with me, even if the moment was beyond wonderful. I give myself a mental shake. No, it wasn’t wonderful, it wasn’t real. It was just more games.

I’m need to head back to the party so I can leave. I don’t want to be here anymore. Then I hear something crash against a wall in the room I just left and a loud, “Fuck.” I turn my head so that my ear is to the door. Absolute silence. This is stupid, I don’t need to stand by a door all night, listening to Jax lose it.

I take a step away, fully intending on leaving the party, when the door swings open. A pissed off Jax, still in his mask, looms in the doorway. He stares at me with his mouth agape. I watch him, waiting to see if he will do anything. I’m not even a little disappointed when nothing happens. Shocker. I march down the hallway, this time not stopping, when I hear him cuss again.

I’ve almost to the crowd when I feel him behind me. An involuntary shudder runs through me when I feel him press against me. He wraps one hand around my waist and pulls me tighter against him so there’s no space between us. I bite my lips hard enough that I taste blood to keep the moan in that is begging to come out. He still wants me, I can feel the evidence pressing against me.

“Come with me,” he whispers into my ear before tracing my earlobe with his tongue. This time the moan escapes. I barely manage a nod before he’s dragging me towards the exit. We leave through a back door. His car waits with his driver holding the door open for us, as if he was expecting us.

“Pretty confident.”

He raises my hand to his mouth and kisses the inside of my palm. “Hopeful,” Jax corrects.

He helps me in and gathers the small train again before closing the door and going to the other side. We sit in silence. My mind races to the point that I can’t focus on anything to say. I have no idea where we’re going, but as long as I’m not going home alone, I won’t complain.

Not wanting to look out the window or at The God besides me, I opt for closing my eyes. I feel him shift closer to me. Everything in me screams for me to open them, but I can’t. I know if I face him, I will see the regret in his eyes because he doesn’t want this, our time has passed. I’m just Logan’s little sister now. He won’t ruin his friendship with my brother for me. Sadly, I can’t even fault him for that. I’m not worthy of him taking a risk on me.

Cupping my face, he turns me towards him. Acting like a stubborn child, I squeeze my eyes tighter, refusing to open them.

“Please look at me, Ads,” Jax pleads.

I almost sigh at the way he whispers his nickname for me, but instead I shake my head.

“Fine.” And without any warning he crushes his lips to mine.

I try not to kiss him back because my emotions are still rattled from earlier. I lose what little self-control I was holding onto when Jax bites my lower lip. It’s an instant turn-on. I kiss him back with everything I have. I want him to know how much he means to me, how much I’ve wanted this. I’m about to straddle his lap when he pulls back abruptly.

I open my eyes to see what the heck just happened, and when I see that stupid smug grin, I want to punch him.

“There’s those beautiful eyes.” He winks at me. He surprises me by untying my mask and throwing it onto the floor. “No more masks.” He then tosses his away too.

“No more masks,” I repeat.

I beam at him before launching myself at him, kissing him hard. He groans loudly as he gathers my dress around my hips. He licks my neck before pressing his mouth back to mine. I moan into his mouth when his tongue meets mine and dig my nails into his shoulders.

Framing my face with his hands, he aims that intense stare that only Jax can manage pulling off. “Stay with me?” he asks.

I nod while saying, “Of course,” right as the car stops.

He smiles so brightly that it reminds me of a child’s smile after Santa has visited. When he gets out of the car, he speaks to his driver before helping me out. Gripping my hand, he kisses the back of my palm, and then leads us into his apartment building.

The elevator seems to take it’s time carrying up to the top floor. Jax quickly tugs me into his penthouse, never letting go of my hand as he leads me into his bedroom. The only noise in is very sterile bedroom is my heels clinking on the hardwood floor. Although his bedroom is impressive with the dark oak bed, matching dressers, and an abstract painting on his far wall, it always reminds me of an expensive hotel. It’s just so clean, everything in perfect order. If I move one thing even slightly, he will know. His panoramic wall, that leads to his private balcony, shows the glistening lights from the city.

My smile drops when I turn around to see Jax holding up one of his cotton T-shirts for me. Um, so not what I was expecting him to grab. I raise an eyebrow at him in question.

Jax laughs and tosses the shirt at me. “For you to sleep in.”

Yeah, so not gonna work for me. I move out of the way so the shirt falls to the ground in front of me. I unzip my dress while saying, “Thanks, but I’ll just sleep in what I always do.” I drop the dress to the floor.

Jax’s eyes darken in an instant. He runs a hand through his hair and says through clenched teeth, “Put the shirt on, Ads.”

Aw, he’s serious. How cute.

“Make me,” I taunt.

I step out of my heels and leans over his bed so he has the perfect view of my ass. Keeping my back to him, I start to slide my panties down my legs before sitting on his grey duvet. When I look at Jax, his mouth is securely attached to the floor.

“I sleep naked, but by all means, Jax, put the shirt on me.”

Rubbing both hands roughly down his face he mutters, “Fuck” so quietly I almost don’t hear him. Then he takes three long strides to his bed. Jax wraps his hand around my ankle and drags me to him, making me fall onto my back. He caresses my calfs with his fingertips. His hands don’t roam higher than my knees and his eyes don’t stray from my face. He’s enjoying watching me squirm around, beyond frustrated for relief.

“Someone is overdressed.”

Jax looks down at his open shirt, revealing the sexiest abs in the world that I plan to trace with my tongue shortly. “Well, since you started ripping my clothes off of me, don’t you think you should finish the job?” he asks in that deep bedroom voice of his.

Mmm, just his voice is a turn on. If it wasn’t for the huge tent in his pants, I would hate how much he effects me. It’s painfully obvious what he does to me. As if on cue, his eyes drift from my face to my open thighs. He licks his bottom lip in such a way that I imagine his tongue on my clit.

“Wider,” Jax commands. I obey without any thought.

All of the sudden Jax’s lips are everywhere all at once. I can’t hold back any longer. I moan loudly and thrash against his sheets when his mouth gets dangerously close to my inner thighs.

“Yes . . . Please . . .” I pant when Jax starts to nibble on my inner thighs. He’s so close to my throbbing clit that I can feel his breath on my dripping wet pussy. He’s so close but so far away at the same time.

“No!” I shout, not caring in the least how I sound when Jax dips his tongue in my belly button.

His eyes meet mine. “You want me to stop?”

I can only manage to whimper at him when he starts kissing a path up my body. He misses my aching breast as he makes his way up my neck. He gives special attention to my neck, making me moan embarrassingly louder. He kisses a wet trail of small kisses from my jaw to my mouth. Automatically my hands tangle into his silky hair as he kisses me long and hard.

“I need you,” I whisper into his ear.

“You have me,” he says as his mouth presses to my burning skin.

I moan in protest when he leans off of me and stands. The words die on my suddenly dry lips as I watch him unzip his pants. He pulls them and his briefs down at the same time. My mouth waters at the sight of him.

“Six years has been too long,” I mutter.

He bends down and grabs a condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. My breathing becomes nonexistent as he rolls it onto his impressive length. Is it possible that he’s gotten bigger? How is he going to fit? All thoughts float away as he drags his naked body on top of mine.

He kisses me passionately. “Are you sure?” Jax swipes the hair out of my face.

I have no words. I nod.

“I need to hear you, Ads.”

I moan into his mouth as his hands play with my pussy lips. I swallow twice before I’m able to get my mouth to work. “I want this, I want us, Jax.”

My heart beats double time when he stares into my eyes. He opens his mouth, but I kiss him, stopping whatever he was about to say. I fear that he’s about to tell me something that he can’t take back.

My body trembles as we become one. I whimper in pain, but it’s soon swallowed up by Jax’s tongue. He goes slow, and runs his hands down my sides. He pulls out to the tip and eases back into me. It’s torture, but I never want it to stop, it feels too good. He brushes my sweaty hair out of my face and then interlocks our fingers. Jax brings his mouth closer to mine, but doesn’t kiss me. Our face are so close together we’re breathing for each other.

“Oh . . . God . . . ” I moan loudly.

He wraps one of my legs around his waist, allowing him to go deeper. He grasps one of my hands and uses his free one to rub my clit. It’s too much. I tremble as I hold my release in.

“Let go,” he whispers into my ear before nipping on my earlobe.

I’m losing myself in Jax. I never want to be found as long as he’s with me. I fight off my release. I can’t go without him. He must see exactly what I need because he squeezes my hand and kisses me, stealing my breath away.

“I’m there, Ads. Let go,” he says against my lips.

I stare into his dark eyes as everything else disappears beside us. The only thing I can hear is Jax breathing heavily. I can feel his beating heart, it matches mine. I bite his shoulder as we climax together. I’m vaguely aware of his weight on top of me as I come off the high only Jax can deliver.

He kisses my nose, his signature kiss for me, and rolls off me. He walks into the bathroom and I smile to myself when I hear the water running. He returns to clean me up with a warm towel. The first time we slept together on the night before my sixteenth birthday, I was embarrassed when he did this, but each and every time we were done he would always insist on cleaning me up. I’m glad that things haven’t completely changed between us. Once he’s finished, he crawls over me, and pulls me into to spoon me.

Kissing the back of my neck, he whispers, “Good night, Ads.”

I’m barely able to mumble, “Night.” The eight letter words that I wish I could say to him are on the tip of my tongue, but they never come out. I don’t want to ruin this moment. I have no idea what tomorrow will be like, but tonight I’m happy in the arms of the man I love.

The sunlight streaming in from the panoramic windows wakes me up. I’m disoriented at first, but once my brain wakes up, too, everything from last night comes rushing back. I can’t believe that I was brave enough to take control, or rather pretend to take control, of the situation. Jax never really gave me the control I thought I had. I can still feel his hands on me. I loved the way he touched me, leaving my skin on fire, desperate for more.

I open my eyes, but then close them for another minute or two against the glaring sunlight. Once I’m able to remove the pillow from my face without wincing, I roll over. I expect to feel Jax beside me, but instead my hand touches a cold bed. It’s obvious that he’s been up for awhile.

Not caring about the bright morning sun, I sit up hoping that I will hear him making breakfast or something romantic, but I already know it’s wishful thinking. I’m not surprised when I’m met with silence. He’s gone. The sinking feeling in my chest lets me know how very wrong I was about last night, but I don’t regret any of it. How could I? I was finally able to have a small glimpse of how Jax really thinks of me.

Needing last night to mean something to him, too, I desperately search around the bed for a note that I never find. I’m not even ashamed that I lift each pillow and rip the blankets off the bed . . . twice. Still no note. Now the regret rolls in. I focus on how Jax made me forget about everything last night and made me feel. Really made me feel in the first time in . . . I don’t even know how long. There’s no way I can regret what happened last night between us even if it didn’t mean the same to him. How could it?

My thoughts are everywhere and nowhere at once. I’m too distracted to notice anything but getting out of here as fast as I can as I hurriedly walk into the bathroom. Peeling the wrapper off one of several spare toothbrushes, I refuse to acknowledge why he has so many extras. I focus on the task at hand. I close my eyes while I brush my teeth because I don’t want to look at myself in the mirror. I’m afraid of what I’ll see in my reflection. As I open my eyes to spit, I spot a pile of my clothes on the sink with a note on top.

I pause, toothbrush in hand, and gape at the note. Without reading it, I recognize my favorite pair of shorts, and an old Ramones T-shirt, with a matching bra and panty set. I blush thinking of Jax going through my drawer just to find a matching pair. That’s the only thing I don’t have color-coordinated. I just toss them in my top drawer. Awesome. I have no idea how he was able to get all of this over here, but then it’s Jax. He’s capable of anything.

After getting dressed, I tuck the note in my back pocket and decide that I’ll read whatever he has to say when I get home. I’m too afraid to read it while I’m here. Glancing around his room for the first time since I woke up, I’m not even a little surprised that my entire outfit from last night is missing. In its place is my favorite red purse and black Toms. At least he’s thoughtful about my morning-after outfit. Points to him.

I paint a smile on my face that I’m not feeling as the elevator doors open. When I spot the doorman, I beam at him, my exit only a few footsteps away. As he holds the door open for me, I’m caught off guard to discover Jax’s driver waiting patiently for me. I’m tempted to hail down a taxi just to spite Jax, but I don’t want his driver, Henry, to think I’m mad at him. I really like Henry, always have.

Swallowing my pride, I close the distance between Henry and me. “Thanks, Henry, but can you do me a favor?”

“Whatever it is, consider it done, Adalynn,” he says in his British accent. If he wasn’t happily married, I have no doubt that he would be as big of a player as the boys.

“Next time call me so that you’re not just waiting out here.” He seems confused so I add, “I was just going to get a taxi. You didn’t have to wait here to take me home, I’m a big girl.”

If it’s even possible, he looks more confused than before. He opens his mouth to say something but stops when the back door opens from the inside. I’m so startled to see Jax waiting for me that I nearly fall flat on my butt. And when I say nearly, I mean if Henry didn’t step in to catch me, I would have been mortified.

“Why are you in the car?” I accuse more than ask.

Jax counters with a smirk. “Why aren’t you in the car?” he asks while extending his hand out for me.

I smack it out of the way. “I got it.” He gives me another one of his classic smirks and I roll my eyes at him.

Getting in the car was a lot easier than thinking of what to say to him. My mind tries to piece together an explanation, but I can’t come up with anything to explain why he’s sitting next to me. I give up quickly and cross my arms over my chest and wait. He obviously has something to say to me or he wouldn’t be here.

I should have read the stupid note before I got into the elevator!

Following my lead, he leans against his door to fully face me, too. Right when I think he’s going to say something, he winks. Actually winks! What I wouldn’t do to give him a nice hard kick to the balls.

“Ouch. What has your panties in a twist today?” he asks.

It isn’t until he places a hand in-between his legs to protect himself that I realize I said that out loud.

I just glare at him. I hate when he does that stupid raised eyebrow thing. I want to smile. Ugh, he’s annoyingly charming. I need to wait him out. I’m not going to break under the pressure.

As he stares intently into my eyes like he did last night, the memories come crashing down. My face heats up as I blush a deep crimson, remembering everything that happened, and it suddenly gets way too hot in this air conditioned car. Needing a distraction from the staring contest, I take in his appearance for the first time today. Which of course is a huge mistake. Why didn’t I just look out the window instead of at him? He’s too hot for his own good. He’s wearing his dark blue jeans that I know hug his ass in that sexy way only he seems to be able to pull off and a faded black Superman shirt that makes his green eyes stand out in contrast.

Looking back up at his face is an even bigger mistake. He’s studying me in a way that makes me think he can see right through my soul. Remembering the way he drank me in last night right before his lips trailed up my legs, I bite my bottom lip to keep from making any embarrassing sounds. My body temperature rises. I’m positive that he can hear my heart hammering through my chest. He licks his lips and I let out a barely audible moan.

He isn’t even touching me and yet every time his eyes sweep over me, I can feel it like a caress. I somehow find the will power to break the trance he has me under and turn towards the window. My body burns so I rest my forehead against the cold glass as I watch the city zoom past us. I can’t focus on a single thing going on outside of this car. However, I’m more than fully aware of everything inside it. Without taking my head off the window, I can feel him stretch out his legs. He must have pressed a button because suddenly the privacy window slides up.

“Fuck it.” Jax nearly growls and that’s the only warning I get before he is on me.

His tongue takes full advantage of my gasp. His kiss is anything but gentle. It’s almost like he’s mad that he’s kissing me and is taking it out on me. Fine by me. He can take it out on me whenever he wants if this is how he’s going to do it. I dig my nails into his biceps, trying to hold on as he kisses me passionately.

I angrily grab his face and kiss him back. I take out all of the conflicting emotions swimming inside of me, out on him. We become each other’s oxygen supply. He breathes me in and then breathes the air into my lungs. Repeat. We’re both running out of air, but neither of us makes a move to slow down the kiss. We can’t. It’s all-consuming. The kiss starts to transform from sexual frustration to something more.

Something much, much more.

Something that terrifies me.

I pull away and study his face. I need to know that I’m not just imagining this. I need to know that he’s feeling the weight of this just as heavily as I am.

He caresses my face and smiles at me. “You’re my light,” he says simply before kissing me again.

I know what he means because I feel exactly the same way about him. He’s my light that shines through all of the darkness.