Текст книги "Beautifully Shattered"

Автор книги: Courtney Kristel

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 31 страниц)

The woman staring back at me is beautiful. There’s a fire in her violet eyes. Her long brown hair cascades down her back in curls, and she’s wearing a simple creme top, paired with designer black skinny jeans, and red booties. She seems perfect, she’s me, but I’m anything but perfect. Is this how Kohen is going to view me? Perfect, my life in order, happy? Do I want him to see the real me?

No, I don’t. I’m nowhere near ready for that and I doubt I’ll ever be. This is a first date, a date to see if it gets under Jax’s skin, nothing more. I don’t see how Kohen and I will have anything in common. He’s older, put together, and smart. The more I think about it, the more intimidated I feel.

Maybe it’s not too late to cancel.

Chapter Six

I pick up my phone to cancel for the hundredth time tonight. I even get as far as pulling up our text thread before locking it. Each and every time I do this, I remember how alive I felt being behind the camera lens. That’s the only reason why I don’t go through with any of the excuses I keep making. If I’m able to do that, then I can go on a date with a decent guy. Hopefully Connor can help with the nerves.

Me: I’m going to throw up

Connor: Don’t be dramatic. YOU ARE GOING so don’t even try to back down

I’m about to reply when there’s a knock on the door. My whole body stiffens.

Me: Crap he’s here. What do I do?

Connor: Just a guess but I would say . . . open the door.

Connor: Breathe. Relax. Have fun. In that order.

Doing as Connor says, I take several deep breaths and will myself to relax. After another minute of trying to calm down and failing, I trudge to the door. My fake persona is firmly in place as I swing it open.

Kohen holds the most exquisite bouquet of ranunculus I’ve ever seen. Not knowing what to do, I stare at him, wondering not for the first time why a guy like him could possibly want to go out with me.

Kohen clears his throat and extends the flowers. “These are for you.”

Nervously, I take them. “Thanks, they’re beautiful. They’re actually one of my favorite flowers. I like quite a few kinds.” I force my mouth shut to keep from rambling.

I wave Kohen inside so that I can get a vase for them. He follows silently behind me into the kitchen and watches my every movement.

“I know,” he says once I’m finished arranging the flowers.

“Huh?” I ask, confused.

“I knew they were your favorite flowers,” he says with an easy smile.

“Should I be worried that I have a stalker?” I ask with a laugh. I’m slightly serious.

“Ha hardly. You just seem like a ranunculus type of girl.” He shrugs. “Lucky guess.”

He moves to stand in front of me. “You look beautiful, Adalynn. I don’t think that I could ever get bored looking at you.” Without warning, he gives me a lingering kiss on the cheek.

The elevator ride down is filled with awkward silence. I can’t stop myself from stealing glances at Kohen. I chew my lip, a nervous habit of mine. This is the first time I’m alone with a man besides one of the guys in six years. Okay, not exactly if I count the gym incident. Why did I agree to this date in the first place? Oh that’s right, because I’m a child and want to make Jax jealous instead of acting like an adult and confronting him. So now I’m on a date with someone that I don’t really have any interest in. Points to my stupidity.

The elevator doors slide open, distracting me from telling him I can’t do this. He rests his hand on my lower back while he leads me out of the elevator and into the parking garage. He steers me towards his BMW. Like a true gentlemen, he holds his door open for me.

I wait for him to speak, but when he doesn’t I snag his iPhone. “May I?” Before he has a chance to answer, I start going through his music. I can always tell a lot about a person by their music choices.

Kohen is a good sport. “Sure . . . oh and I hope you like pizza, I know this amazing place called Frank’s, it’s to—”

“Die for,” I finish for him.

“You’ve been there?”

I place my hand over my heart. “I LOVE Frank’s. I have to have at least a dose of the yummy goodness once a month.”

Kohen shows his dimples. “I’m glad I can help.”

“You’re two for two.” I can see that he’s about to ask what I’m talking about so I elaborate. “With my favorites. Two for two.”

Kohen chuckles, but it seems a little strained. “The first one was a lucky guess on my part.”

“And this one?”

He surprises me by clasping my hand. “We both have excellent taste.” The way he says it makes me think he isn’t talking just about our pizza preferences.

I pick a Journey song before I reach for my phone with my free hand and text Connor. My fingers hover over the keys. I want to defy him and prove that he doesn’t need to know where I’m going. I can protect myself. Besides, Kohen doesn’t seem like the serial killer type. I give in only because if I don’t tell Connor where we’re going, he will tell my brother, and I do not need Logan finding out about this, only Jax.

Me: Eating pizza.

Connor: Where?

Me: At the only place that I eat pizza.

Without waiting for a reply, I slide my phone back into my clutch. The rest of the short drive, we listen to music. I’m surprised that Kohen’s music is an almost identical copy of my iTunes.

“We have a lot in common,” I tell him as he opens my door.

“Oh?”

“Well, besides both of our excellent choices in pizza parlors, we like the same music . . . give or take a few bands.”

“Really?” he asks.

“I know, I was shocked too. I thought I was going to have to give you a lesson in music.”

Kohen laughs. “Do that a lot?”

I’m not even surprised when the hostess addresses both of us by our first names. It’s obvious that Kohen is as much as a regular as I am. I search my memory, but I come up with a blank. I don’t remember seeing him here.

“I did, but now my brother and his friends have graduated from my class so I don’t need to give them lessons anymore,” I say once we sit down.

“I’m guessing they just added a playlist for you on their phones.”

I bite my lip to keep from grinning but fail. “Of course.”

We both laugh. I’m pleasantly surprised how easily conversation flows between us. I’m glad that the first date I decided to go on in six years is with Kohen. I think if I went out with anyone else, it would have been beyond awkward. It helps that we have a lot in common, but I doubt it would really matter since Kohen is so easy to talk to.

I’m working on my second slice of pizza when for some reason my skin breaks out in goosebumps. My eyes find their way to the door. I gasp loudly when I see who walks in.

Logan, followed by Connor, and lastly Jax.

I’m somehow able to swallow the bite I just took without choking to death. I glare at the guys as they approach our table. Terrific. Kohen pauses mid-sentences when he realizes we have company.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper as the boys stop at our table.

I can’t tell if I want to die from embarrassment or kill Connor for telling Logan and Jax. Both will be perfect. I should have gone with my gut and not told him where I was going.

Connor puts on a lame attempt to feign innocence. “Wow, crazy running into you two here.”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t have come if I’d known you were going out on a date.” My brother shrugs. “Too bad you chose not to tell me. We could have avoided this awkwardness.”

“Yeah, too bad,” Jax says with so much sarcasm it’s impossible to believe him.

Yup, kill me now. Kohen raises an eyebrow, but I ignore him to glare at three soon-to-be dead men. To my absolute horror, my brother and Connor both sit down on Kohen’s side of our booth, blocking him in. I shake my head at Jax as I extend my legs on my side of the booth.

He shrugs before sitting down on my legs. I don’t know if I’m more upset that they crashed my date or that Jax seems so blasé.

“Ow, get your fat butt off of me!” I say more angrily than I should. Jax doesn’t even notice how upset I am.

“If you moved your legs, you wouldn’t be getting squished.”

Too many witnesses.

“Fine!” I shout.

Jax leans up so I can drop my feet back under the table where they belong. I want to breathe in relief that he’s not touching me anymore, but I can’t. I despise being this close to him and not being able to touch him. That weekend at my apartment comes to mind and I have to forcibly drink my wine to keep from reaching out to him. Probably not the best move on a date with someone else.

The waitress arrives with three more waters. “Can I get anything else for you three?”

“No,” I say at the same time that Jax says, “Yes.”

The poor waitress’s eyes bounce back from me to Jax and back at me again.

“No, we’re good, thanks though,” I inform her.

As the waitress leaves, Jax gives me a smug grin. “Fine, have it your way.” And before I can say anything, he picks up my wine glass. I yank it from him mid-sip, spilling wine on his tailored shirt.

“I don’t even feel bad!” I say when he looks from the stain to me.

He glares at me and I glare right back. I will not be the one to back down first. Someone coughs not too discreetly, but we both ignore him. Jax raises his eyebrow, silently challenging me. It isn’t until I hear Kohen clear his throat with obvious annoyance that I snap out of the trance Jax has put me under. When I turn my head, my brother is studying the three of us; Kohen, Jax, and me. I cast my eyes down to my plate.

“So help yourselves, there’s more than enough to go around,” Kohen says with forced indifference.

Ignoring the three men that have decided to stay and make this the date from hell, I look at Kohen. “So you were about to tell me why you chose to be a neurologist before we were rudely interrupted.”

“How old are you?” Jax shifts in the booth. His hand grazes my thigh. It’s only a whisper of a caress, but it’s enough to ignite my entire body.

“Thirty-one come July.”

Jax noticeably stiffens. “Don’t you think you should date someone more your age?”

My brother’s baby blues meet mine. I silently beg him to leave. I nod from the table to the door. Twice. Logan is either being obtuse or ignoring me.

“So, about that career choice . . .” I trail off uneasily.

Talk about awkward silence.

Kohen seems a little uncomfortable as he clears his throat. “Oh . . . right . . . eh . . . well, my mom died from a brain tumor when I was twelve so I think that’s the reason why I chose neuro instead of a differently specialty.” He fiddles with the Parmesan shaker. “I guess when I was little I thought that I could prevent what happened to my mom from happening to someone else and it just always stuck with me.”

Wow, and I thought this date couldn’t get any more awkward. Clearly the boys weren't expecting this either from the looks on their face. I have no idea what to say to that. I thought I was staying on an easy topic. Guess not.

Reaching over, I squeezes his hand. I see Jax’s fist tighten from the corner of my eye, but I ignore it and focus solely on Kohen. “Your mom would be very proud of you.”

He squeezes my hand back. “Thanks,” he says quietly before taking a long drink from his wine.

The guys help themselves to pizza and Connor places an order for an extra one. He eats more than anyone I have ever met.

Connor clears his throat and faces Kohen. “From what I hear, you’re a pretty decent neurologist, as in one of the best in the country. I’m positive you’re able to prevent what happened to your mother from happening to someone else if it’s in your power.”

I stare at Connor, wondering how he knows this, but I quickly decide I’d rather not ask in front of Kohen. I have a sinking feeling it involves a certain P.I. that I know Logan is fond of. Instead I sit back and watch while Kohen gets the third degree from Logan, Connor, and Jax. I’ll be surprised if Kohen wants to go out with me again.

Dinner is almost over and I’m beyond surprised that I haven’t stabbed anyone yet. There were a couple close calls, though. It’s still early, so who knows, someone will more than likely get stabbed, all because Connor couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. I give Connor a little kick under the table, but my temper gets the best of me. I kick him harder than I expected. Too bad, I guess he’ll learn to keep his mouth shut next time.

“Ow,” Logan says as he bends to rub the shin that I thought was Connor’s.

I don’t even bother giving my brother an innocent smile. “I would say my foot slipped, but that would be a lie.”

“I guess that will teach me not to crash your dates.”

“Too bad you couldn’t figure that out a lot sooner, you could have gone home without limping,” I snap, hoping that he’ll see how insane he is for crashing my date.

Then again, I don’t really have anything to be upset about since I’ve been able to witness Jax’s reaction firsthand. Maybe I should be thanking them? Never.

Suddenly Connor starts pushing Logan out of the booth. “Well, we’ll take that as our sign to leave. I don’t want to be bleeding by the end of the night.”

I narrow my eyes at him, but follow Connor’s lead and shove Jax out of my way. Luckily he is already getting up because I wouldn’t have had any hope of moving him without his help. I wasn’t joking when I said he had a fat butt. It’s sexy as hell and rock hard but still, his muscles weigh too much.

Connor pulls me into his arms first. “You’re going to pay for this,” I threaten into his ear.

Connor turns away from my scowling face to see Logan and Jax saying goodbye to Kohen. “Sorry, but Jax was over when you texted me,” he whispers.

“And what happened?” I whisper back.

He rubs his hand through his hair. “Because once he saw your name, he stole my phone and the next thing I know we’re on our way here. Your brother came over just in time to tag along.”

“You couldn’t have stopped them?”

“Look, I’m sorry. I thought it would be better if I dragged Logan here with me so it wouldn’t just be you two and Jax.” He gives me his puppy dog pouting lips.

I hate how easily it is for me to sympathize for him. With his pouty lips and sad eyes it’s hard to stay mad at Connor and he knows it. He uses this look every chance he gets. Each and every time I fall for it. Even when we were kids.

I nod so that he knows I’m no longer mad at him before hugging my brother. Jax steps back as I move over to him. I sit down, feeling more than awkward. He doesn’t deserve a hug. He’s the reason why I’m on what can only be described as the worst date in history.

“Really?” Jax asks with his arms open.

Who does he think he is? He’s the one who just stepped back when I went to give him a hug and now he’s demanding one?

I ignore him. “Bye,” I say only to my brother and Connor.

Jax surprises me by sitting back down and telling Kohen, “Sorry for crashing your date. I had to make sure your intentions were good. I promise we won’t crash the next one.” I can’t help but notice that there isn’t an ounce of jealously seeping through his voice. Maybe I imagined the jealousy earlier? I mask my disappointment with a smile.

“Assuming there’s a next one,” I accidentally say out loud.

There’s no point in pretending when there isn’t a spark between us. Kohen was a fun distraction before the guys showed up, I’ll give him that.

“Oh, there will be,” Kohen says with a twinkle in his eyes.

Jax turns and gives me his full attention. “Are you ever going to forgive me?” he asks sweetly.

So sweetly I almost break. Key word . . . almost. Then I realize he’s asking about more than just tonight. Maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part, but I honestly believe he’s asking if I’ll ever forgive him for not stepping up. That’s something I can’t forgive. Instead of saying exactly that, I play along more for the benefit of everyone else.

“That depends . . . can you honestly tell me that you wouldn’t do this again?”

He doesn’t even seem a little guilty when he answers, “Nope.”

Fixing my eyes solely on his, I abandon my mask so he can see I’m talking about more than tonight. “Then nope, sorry Jax, that’s just something I can’t forgive. Pretending just doesn’t do it for me.”

Connor attempts to break the tension bubbling between us. Too bad his joke is told to deaf ears. The only thing I can hear is my heart beating too rapidly. Something that happens quite often when I’m near The God.

Connor and Logan linger around our table, clearly ready to take off, but Jax doesn’t notice. As much as I know giving into him will make Jax leave, I can’t. I stand my guard. “How can I possibly forgive something that you don’t even realize that you’re doing?”

Jax stretches his arm and drapes it over my shoulder. I notice Kohen tense in my peripheral. “Stop speaking riddles and tell me what’s wrong.”

I want to scream in frustration. I want to scream that he’s the problem. I want to shout that I love him. Instead I say, “Let’s just pretend I said I forgive you so you’ll leave me to my handsome date.” I give Kohen the same sweet smile Jax gave me seconds ago.

“Ads—” He starts, but stops. I would give anything to know what he’s thinking right now.

Jax pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head. My entire body is on fire. All I want is Jax. Kohen tenses again so I pull away. So not cool to have another guy kiss me even if it’s as innocent as Jax kissing the top of my head. Which if I’m being honest with myself, I wish the kiss was anything but innocent.

“Bye Jax,” I say breathlessly.

Looking directly at Kohen he says, “Bye Ads. See you tomorrow night.”

I rub the bridge of my nose. Only Jax would act like an ass when he crashes my date. Games. That’s all this is to him. Since the beginning, all I’ve ever been is a game to him. I finally go out on a date and he crashes it just because he can. Jax believes he can do whatever he pleases. I wish I could tell myself that I’m done with him and his games, but that would be the biggest lie. I doubt I’ll ever give up hope on us.

“Ignore him,” I tell Kohen once they leave.

“Well tonight didn’t go as I expected.”

I force out a laugh, understatement of the year.

“It was still amazing though,” Kohen goes on. “I can’t wait to take you out again, Ads.”

“Adalynn,” I say automatically.

“I’m sorry, I just thought since Jax called you Ads and your brother and Connor call you Addie that you prefer a nickname.”

Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? “Sorry it’s just . . . just something that only Jax can call me.” So not true, but I don’t want to dwell on the fact that the only other person who can call me Ads is dead.

Kohen studies the dessert menu. “It’s okay, Adalynn,” he says quietly.

He sounds as if I wounded him. I can’t even pretend to care. Ads is off-limits to everyone, that will never change. It’s better for him to accept this now.

“I’m sorry, it’s something I can’t really explain. You can call me whatever you want, just not Ads.”

“And will you ever tell me why? If not, it’s okay.”

For some unknown reason, I tell him as much of the truth as I can. “There’s stuff about me that you don’t know, things that are too heavy for a first date.”

“Heavier than my mom?”

I can only nod.

“Okay, so Ads is off the table. Don’t worry I’ll think of a nickname for you that only I can use.”

“I would like that.” I lie because I have no idea what to say.

The waitress surprises Kohen by informing us that the check has already been paid. I would have been surprised if Logan didn’t pay it, he can’t help himself. Kohen’s jaw tightens and his gaze becomes hard for a second before he relaxes and is back to the sweet man he was a second ago. I ignore that he’s bothered by my brother paying for our meal. I shake my head. Men. No wonder why us women are the superior sex.

When we get back into the car, the wine kicks in and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open. About a block away from the restaurant, Kohen reaches over and start to run his fingers over my hand.

Suddenly Kohen is taking my off seatbelt. I realize that we’re back in the parking garage. Crap, I slept the entire ride home, I’m the world’s worst date.

“Sorry I didn’t realize that I was so tired,” I say as Kohen helps me out of the car.

He brushes the hair from my face and gives me a quick peck on the lips. “There, all better.”

All I can do is stare wide-eyed at him. I can’t believe he just kissed me. I touch my still, tingling lips. I’ve only ever had Jax’s lips on mine. I feel as if I betrayed what we had somehow. I follow Kohen to the elevator banks on the ground floor of the parking lot. When it arrives, he holds his hand in front of the doors and lets me go in first. He presses the button for my floor.

Not wanting to do the awkward goodbye at my door, I stand on my tiptoes, and kiss him on the cheek. “Thanks for tonight,” I whisper into his ear before walking out of the elevator and down the hallway to my apartment.

I unlock my door and throw my clutch at the wall. Tonight didn’t go as planned. At least Liv will be happy. She’ll be thrilled with all the changes in my life: the camera, the date, sticking up for myself. That’s something, I guess. I wish I could at least fake happiness, but my mood is anything but happy. I feel more disappointed with tonight’s events. I was sure Jax would be raging in jealousy. I need to stop expecting too much from him.

I stumble to my bedroom. Too exhausted to wash my face, I strip out of my clothes and crawl into bed naked. Curled up in bed, I think about everything that Kohen said to me. I know it must have taken a lot to open up about his mom, especially in front of the boys. The trust that he has given me tonight makes me want to throw up.

I used him to make someone jealous and he’s genuinely interested in me. I have to be the worst person in the history of the world.