Текст книги "Beautifully Shattered"

Автор книги: Courtney Kristel

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Текущая страница: 3 (всего у книги 31 страниц)

“Everything you said was incoherent, but you were talking gibberish all night and kept Jax up. So I would be a lot nicer to him than you’re being to me.”

“I’m always nice to Jax.” Deciding to change the subject I ask, “So when are you going to take over babysitting duty?”

Logan hesitates before answering. Not good.

“We won’t be back until Saturday night now. Take it easy and try to listen to Jax.” Pausing, he says something to Connor that I can’t hear and then I have his full attention again. “I just need to know you’re safe.”

It’s hard to hide my irritation. I think it’s time for my brother to treat me like the adult I am. “Fine, I’ll play nice since you gave me soooo many options.”

“Great, Addie. I knew you would see it my way. Listen, I have to go. I love you.”

“Love you too,” I say before he hangs up.

I hate that they all treat me like I’m still five and that I can’t take care of myself. All three of them need to realize that I’m twenty-four. Jax is the last person that I need to take care of me.

After discarding the phone on the coffee table, I will myself to relax. My mind drifts over last night’s events and as much as I want to, I can’t dismiss the feeling that I know Kohen. There’s something about him that’s telling me that I know him from a long time ago. That thought is beyond idiotic since I met him for the first time when he rescued me at the gym. He didn’t even know my name until I told him. I chalk it up as seeing him in the building before in passing.

I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about him. It’s not like we’ll end up dating. I never date. My last date was six years ago with Jax. For a moment I wonder what it would be like to date someone in the open, not having to keep everything a secret; every caress, every smile, every kiss. All too quickly, the image evaporates. Kohen seems like a great guy, too good of a guy for someone like me. The guilt of what I’ve done weighs heavily on my shoulders, crippling me. He deserves someone who isn’t haunted by the past.

Even though I keep telling myself that it’s pointless to continue thinking about him, I can’t help smiling whenever I picture his face. As much as I wish I could just ignore this foreign attraction, that might be hard since we live in the same building. I know I need to think of how to go about the whole Kohen thing, but by the time I come up with a game plan, my medicine has kicked in. My last thought before sleep pulls me under is Jax’s strong arms around me.

The aroma of bacon wakes me. Someone’s fingers brush my hair out of my face. I open my eyes. After rubbing the sleep out of them, I’m able to focus on the second best sight in the entire world.

Food.

Jax crouches beside me with a platter of food and orange juice on the table. My mouth instantly fills with saliva as I take in all of my favorite breakfast foods in front of me. My stomach growls so loudly I’m sure people in Brooklyn can hear it as clearly as if they were in my living room.

He chuckles as he passes me a glass of orange juice. I give him a small smile when I notice the straw. For some unknown reason I’ve always hated drinking orange juice without a straw. As much as I want to comment on the fact that Jax is the only person that seems to remember my quirks, I don’t. I know it will only cause an awkward silence. Some things are better left unsaid when it comes to us.

He hands me my platter full of food; eggs, hash-browns, bacon, a bowl of freshly cut fruit, and a stack of pancakes, along with my new iPhone.

“Thanks!” I notice that he somehow managed to back up my phone so all my music is already on it.

Nodding, he says sternly, “Eat all of the food.”

Before I realize what I’m doing, words spill out of my mouth. “Do you think I should call him?”

His grip on his fork tightens. “Who?”

Well if he wants to play dumb . . . “The hot doctor who rescued me.”

He chokes on his food. Miraculously, my next bite of hash-browns taste better than it did a second ago. Must be because Jax isn’t as in control of his feelings as he would like to be.

“Maybe we can double?” he asks.

And just like that I lose my appetite. Don’t do it, I repeat in my head as I eye my bowl of fruit. I snatch a few pieces and throw them at his handsome face.

I shrug. “Whoops.”

He stops eating and glares at the fruit scattered on him. When he finally looks back at me, I laugh. He’s biting his cheeks to keep from smiling, his emerald eyes sparkle with excitement. Even with fruit in his lap, covering his expensive suit pants, he’s still ridiculously hot.

In a movement so fast that I don’t even see it coming, Jax has my platter of food on the floor, and in the next second he dumps a glass of water all over my head. That’s the exact second I know I will kill Jaxon Chandler.

I wipe my wet hair out of my face angrily. “Ahhhhh I’m going to kill you! I can’t believe you just did that!”

The ice cold water drips down my hair and down my back. I’m now freezing and my shirt is practically see-through. Spotting a few ice-cubes on me, I fling one at him but he ducks out of the way. I hate his fast reflexes.

“Relax, Ads it’s just a little water, it won’t kill you.”

Jax has the balls to chuckle then sit back down on the couch and eat like he didn’t just dump water on me. WATER! The nerve this man has sometimes! Gah, I want to scratch his eyes out in his sleep.

“A little water, Jax? Are you kidding me? You dumped your ENTIRE glass of water on me!” I scream at the soon to be dead man.

Jax waves his hand at my little outburst. “Calm down, Ads.”

I flick my orange juice at him. Wrong move, it splatters all over my suede couch. I groan, thinking how long it’s going to take to clean. My gaze wanders to Jax’s perfect, orange-juice-free face. Not good. I know that evil twinkle in his eyes, it’s an expression that I have gotten very familiar with over the years.

“I swear, Jax, you better not! I’m hurt and I swear if you even think about it, my revenge will b—” I’m not able to finish my rant before he scoops me up and throws me over his shoulder.

Hitting his back I start yelling at him, but does The God even listen to me? Nope. Instead he smacks my backside so hard I’m sure I now have a clear imprint of his hand. My heart-rate picks up the second I realize we’re in my bedroom. That intense pull I always feel towards him comes back in a huge wave, as if it’s going to devour me. My heart beats so loudly I’m positive that he can hear it.

As Jax walks past my bed, I quickly realize what he has planned. I smack his toned butt as hard as I can manage in this position. Jax lets a growl escape his throat that I’m sure is supposed to be a warning, but all it manages to do is excite me. When he opens my bathroom door, I squeal and try with no avail to get down from his iron-like hold on me. Finally reaching his destination, he turns on the shower. I scream and hit his back harder with each smack, but it doesn’t even faze him, he just smacks my now very red butt again.

HARD!

Holy-hotness I might have a bruise, but I don’t think that I have ever been so instantly wet before in my life. Oblivious to how turned on I am, Jax just laughs as he steps into the cold shower with me on his shoulder.

He quickly repositions me so that now I am cradled in one of his arms, while his other hand grabs the shower head and drenches me in cold water. This is the moment that I despise playful Jax! The water is freezing!

I start fighting his hold more once the shock wears off. I manage to capture the shower head so that I can soak him, too. After a few seconds Jax laughs in a way that lets me know that my turn is over and he quickly yanks the shower head out of my hands and begins a new war of making me as soaked as he possibly can.

Vindictive jerk!

Just because I laughed at him, he carried me into my shower and decided to soak me with cold water. He couldn’t even turn it to hot. The fact that I’m injured angers me more because I can’t retaliate. We’re both dripping and our soggy clothes cling to our bodies, outlining everything.

My attire leaves nothing to the imagination. And Jax . . . he looks like the Greek-God that is feeling gracious enough to show his presence to us mere mortals. All of a sudden, he takes in my near-naked appearance as if he just realized the same thing I did. His eyes change from playful to hunger. It’s all consuming, he’s all consuming. That pull surrounds us, so thick I can almost taste it.

Suddenly I am no longer freezing. I’m shaking, but it’s not from the cold. When he sees me shiver, he places the shower head back and turns the water hot. I slowly slide down his body when he unwraps his arms around me. His hands go to my hips to steady me while I stand on one leg. He is so close to me that my breasts press into his hard chest.

Hot water pours over the both of us, as steam fills the air. I hold my breath . . . neither of us makes a move. He watches me, waiting, his eyes locked onto mine. Devour me, Jax. With such slowness that he’s barely moving, Jax lifts one hand from my hip to my face, and traces my jawline back and forth with his fingertip.

“Ads.” Jax uses his nickname for me as if it’s the most pleasant name he’s ever uttered, but I can still hear the pain laced in his voice.

I notice the abrupt change in the air around us and in him. He’s no longer looking at me with such hunger that I can taste his need. He’s now the tortured man that always stops us from being together again. I know that this is over.

“Use me to support your weight so you can get out of your clothes and finish your shower while I bring your crutches in. I’ll help you out when you’re done.”

With the moment long gone, he turns his head away from me. As fast as I can manage, I strip out of my clothes and once Jax is sure that I don’t need any further assistance, he steps out of the shower and grabs a towel. I don’t attempt to stop him as he leaves.

Chapter Three

Glancing around my abundant closet, I finger the hanger holding my work clothes. I shake my head while I think of all the reasons it’s a bad idea. Jax will be pissed, he’ll tell Logan . . . I can’t think of anything else. Two, just two reasons why I shouldn’t pull the red shirt that has Sweet Tooth embroidered over the right breast off its hanger. Thinking about sitting on the couch next to him, wanting him but knowing he will never give into us again, is too much. I smile wickedly as I drop the towel. I don’t need a babysitter. Jax can be mad all he likes.

After getting dressed as quickly as possible, I hobble back to my bed to retrieve my phone only to realize that it’s still in the living room. So much for sneaking out of here to decorate cakes. I huff in exasperation. This isn’t going to go over well at all.

He seems to have no care in the world as he reads something on his iPad. He hears me, it’s impossible not to with my wood floors, but he ignores me. Good. Hopefully I can swipe my phone off the table and leave before he notices. I bite my lip as I try to bend down for my phone. I avoid him entirely as I straighten back up. As I turn around to leave, I exhale.

“You don’t think you’re going to work do you?” he asks, startling me. “I already called in for you.”

I glare over my shoulder at him. “Last time I checked, you’re not my father and I’m a big girl. I don’t want nor need you calling into work for me.”

He shrugs. “Either way, you’re not going in.”

“Watch me.”

I don’t even make it a step before he’s behind me. He runs his nose through my wet hair and speaks so close to my ear that his lips brush against my skin. “You know I can’t let you go.”

Right. Because of Logan. “Well, tell my dear brother that I’ll be fine doing nothing but decorating.” I turn my head so my nose nearly touches his. “My butt will be firmly attached to the stool the entire time.”

“No.”

The way he says it leaves no room for discussion. This new feisty person I woke up to is steaming. I will not be told no by Jaxon Chandler anymore. I’ve heard that word from him one too many times.

I open my mouth to tell him exactly that, but he’s already sitting on the couch again. What a jerk! He honestly thinks I’m just going to bow down to him. Well, why would he think any differently? All I’ve been doing for the past six years is rolling over and going along with whatever is demanded of me. Am I ready to put up a fight? Is right here, right now, the time for me to say enough and do what I want? Yes. Because if I’m locked in here with Jax, I won’t be held responsible for what comes out of my mouth, or worse, my actions.

I bite down on my lip as I put weight on my sprained ankle. Wow, one night isn’t enough time for it to heal. I don’t use the crutches, I’m making a point here. When I reach the door, I turn to face him. He’s seething. His jaw is so tight I wouldn’t be surprised if he snapped it.

“You have two options. Lie to Logan and say I’m here with you, or come with me.”

He runs his hand through his fohawk while he grinds his teeth. Okay, so I admit maybe walking on my injured ankle wasn’t the best way to prove that I’m ready to be taken seriously.

“I can just keep you here against your will,” he bluffs.

I smirk at him while opening the door. “You can, but you won’t. Besides, if you come with me I’ll make your favorite.”

When he sighs in defeat, I know I won. “Carrot cake cupcakes?”

“Even with brown bunny ears as decoration.” I almost smile at the memory from when we were younger.

He sits up and slides his feet into his black chucks. It’s only then that I realize that he’s changed. Obviously he’s changed; his suit was dripping wet. He’s in a red Flash T-shirt and black jeans. Him and his superheroes. He’s always been fascinated by the comics, never realizing that once upon a time he was my hero.

He points at the crutches as he meets me at the door. “You can either use those, or I’ll be carrying you. Don’t you dare pull a stunt like that again.”

I mock salute him. “Yes sir.”

The bell chimes as Jax holds open the bakery door for me. Sam glances up from the register and frowns when he sees me. The bakery is almost empty. I knew it would be. There’s one couple sitting at the red iron table to the left of the door. After lunch, usually the only customers are the ones putting in an order for a party. It’s my favorite time to bake.

“I was told you were on bed rest,” Sam says in the fatherly tone he’s mastered from being a dad for two months.

I nod in Jax’s direction. “Is it okay if my shadow is back there with me?”

Once he finishes up with the last customer, Sam turns his attention back on me. His frown deepens. “Adalynn, as much as I need your help today, I can’t have you working like that. Besides, Clark is going to kill me if he finds out.”

I give Sam my best puppy dog eyes. It’s the same face I gave him two years ago when I applied for the job he wasn’t offering. To this day, I believe my winning personality and my superb baking skills are the only reason he took a chance on someone without references or cooking experience. Apparently, baking for your family doesn’t cut it in the baking world. Who knew?

He watches me lead Jax behind the counter to the back room. I’m thankful that Jax has chosen for the first time in his life to stay quiet. I search the room for the white apron with my name on it. Sam appears with my missing apron.

“Clark washed it.” He grins whenever he mentions his adorable better half. The twins they adopted earlier this year are so lucky to have such caring parents.

I accept it and tie it into place around my waist. “Does this mean I’m working?”

He peers at Jax. “Does this mean you’re going to make sure she doesn’t break anything else?”

“I won’t take my eyes off her.”

It seems like Sam mutters, “I bet,” under his breath but I’m not sure. “Create something new,” he tells me.

I can’t help but beam at him. This is my favorite part about working here, creating something new, something different, that will make your taste buds come to life. The very first time I told a customer that I could invent a cake that wasn’t on the menu, I thought Sam would have a stroke. Granted, once he took the first bite, he was sold. Now, two years later I have free rein of the kitchen. Sam works the customers, Clark handles the business along with their adjacent restaurant, and I do my magic. It’s perfect and I love it. I can’t wait for Jax to witness it, too.

I face Jax, who leans against the stainless steel counter tops. Even though he’s trying not to show it, I know he’s uncomfortable. Jax has never been one to sit idly. He needs a task and I need help.

I point at the white apron hanging on a hook on the far wall. “You’ll need to put that on if you’re going to be of any use.”

“You’re putting me to work?” he asks but he struts his way to the apron.

I walk to the fridge to snag the ingredients. “Yes, I’m in need of an assistant.”

I feel him behind me but I pretend that I don’t. I swallow loudly. “Can you grab the butter and cream cheese?”

He reaches in front of me for the items. I suck in a breath as his hard chest presses against my back. Desperately I want to melt into him, but I can’t. I don’t deserve happiness. I stole away theirs.

I direct Jax to everything we will need. As he sets the bowls in front of me, his other hand trails down my spine. It takes every ounce of will power to not shiver at the contact. Happiness is for everyone else but me. Jax watches the movements of my hands as I pour the first batter into the cupcake tins. Hopefully he’s paying attention because he’s doing the next batch. As I wipe a paper towel over the extra batter on the tin, I can feel him studying me. I focus on the task at hand.

An hour and a half later, I have Jax —who is covered in flour– pull out the cupcakes. He sets them in the cooling area as I directed. He’s the perfect assistant. Perfect as in, drops everything and makes a mess. Weird, since he usually has such steady hands. I won’t allow myself to think it has to do with me. As hard as it is to not become lost in the moment with him, I hold myself back.

The frosting is suddenly the most important thing in the world to me right now. I dip in a tasting spoon. Just a little more vanilla and it’s perfect. As I drizzle in the vanilla, Jax’s long finger swipes at the frosting. I slap his hand away.

“It’s not like this is going out there!” He licks the frosting off his finger.

“It was before you did that!” I can’t even pretend to be angry with him. Said too soon. My tongue seeks out the frosting that is falling off my nose. “Really, Jax? What are you, three?”

I’m struck speechless as his tongue cleans up the mess on my nose that he created. Jax looks from my eyes to my mouth, causing me to chew my lower lip. He lets out the most erotic growl from the back of his throat that I feel all the way to my toes. I suck in a breath and stay as still as possible. I’m not even breathing while Jax caresses my check with his frosted finger tips. Leaning into his touch, I close my eyes and welcome the sensations he brings me by just this simple act.

I want to pretend that I can be happy for once, that my memories don’t haunt me. I want to cherish this moment with him. I want to let go of my past more than anything for this one moment. Deciding that I’m going to allow myself some freedom from my demons, I open my eyes, ready to give myself over to him.

I don’t know who leans in first, but suddenly we are as close as possible without melting into each other. Forehead-to-forehead, nose-to-nose, breathing each other’s air, we stare into one another eyes. After several seconds without moving, Jax finally makes the next move.

It’s as if he can’t hold back anymore, either. He kisses me so quickly that I don’t even notice he’s making a move until his lips are on mine. All too soon, he’s gone.

Even though I could feel his urgency in the kiss, it was surprisingly soft. So soft that if I wasn’t watching him, I would have never known that he kissed me. I need more, that barely-there kiss isn’t good enough. Of course it was perfect, I doubt that Jax can do anything that isn’t perfect, but I need more to relieve this tension building inside of me. I lean into him again, but Jax shakes his head, face full of regret.

If I was someone else, someone that wasn’t able to shut off their feelings at will, then the ways he’s rejecting me now would kill me. Thankfully the second I see the guilt on his face, I shut down. I’m not even surprised that he’s feeling guilty, that he doesn’t want me. Who would?

I’m broken.

I will never be good enough for Jax.

Jax surprises me again by bestowing that beautiful smile of his and giving me another quick kiss on the lips. Then he seizes his phone from the front pocket of his jeans. I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t even hear it ringing. That’s something that always happens when Jax is staring into my eyes. The world disappears whenever he’s near, making it nearly impossible to remember why we shouldn’t be doing this.

Jax’s body goes rigid when he sees who’s calling him. I know that whoever it is has ruined our moment. Rubbing his hands across his face, he lets out a deep breath before sliding his finger over the screen.

“Yeah, Logan.”

And just like that, an entire bucket of ice is poured over me. Hearing my brother’s voice on the other end of the phone certainly puts a stop on anything that was about to happen. Which I’m thankful for as Sam could have walked in here at any second.

“No, she’s fine, man. Of course.”

I pull the first tray of carrot cake cupcakes towards me. I concentrate on frosting them as Jax talks to my brother. I try to put distance between us, but it’s impossible with his hand on my thigh. With him touching me, the white walls seem to be closing in. There’s not enough air. Every breath I breathe is full of Jax’s woodsy scent. It’s torture.

“I don’t know, I don’t think she has it on her, let me check.” He turns to wipes the last dab of frosting off my cheek. “Phone in your room?”

I glance at the phone on the counter in front of us. I’m about to point to it, but then I realize what he’s doing. He’s covering for me. With all the emotions swirling in my head, I don’t trust myself to speak, so I nod.

I ignore the cupcake in my hand and study Jax as he speaks to my brother. I can’t believe he’s lying to my brother for me. Wow. I’m speechless.

“Yeah, I knew they were going to try to do that. Handle it and have everything sent over to Peter.” He bends down and bites the barely frosted cupcake that I’m working on.

My attention is once again brought to the cupcakes. I avoid listening to the rasp in his voice and focus on my next task. Frosting the bunny ears is my favorite part. I used to put them on the cupcakes I made Jax because of The Velveteen Rabbit, his favorite book when we were children.

I attempt to reach for the light brown frosting that Jax made, but he beats me to it. He slides the bowl into my waiting hands. As our fingers touch, I think it’s an accident until he grips mine for a second, letting me know it was intentional. That simple graze of our fingers sets a fire within me. My mind wanders as I scoop brown frosting from the bowl and into the vinyl decorating bag.

Is it possible for Jax to still view me as more than Logan’s little sister? Maybe after all these years, we have a chance. I shake that outrageous idea out of my head. It doesn’t matter how he sees me. I won’t let anything happen. He deserves so much more than me. He deserves everything.

I lick my upper lip as I concentrate on creating the ears just right. I bite my cheek to keep from smiling. It’s just bunny ears, not the Mona Lisa, but I still can’t help beaming when Jax gives me his winning grin.

“Of course, man, I’ll work from here until you’re back. I understand . . . I know. Okay, see you in a few days.”

Jax hands his phone over to me. Reluctantly, I press it to my ear.

“Hey.” I can’t seem to say anything else because I’m watching Jax butcher the next cupcake.

Cupcake-decorating is not a skill he’s mastered.

Logan’s voice jolts me back from the happiness swelling inside me. “Adalynn?”

“What? I’m sorry Logan I dropped the phone,” I say lamely.

“I just want to make sure you’re doing okay with everything. I worry about you when I’m gone.”

“Logan, it’s just a sprained ankle, I’ve suffered from a lot worse over the years. You don’t need to worry.”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about, Addie.”

“Yeah I know, I was just trying to make you feel better. I. AM. FINE.” I enunciate each word so that he knows that I mean it.

When he doesn’t say anything for awhile, I pull the phone away from my ear to make sure I didn’t accidentally hang up. Wouldn’t be the first time.

“I just worry about you, Addie, you’re all I have left.”

I know that Logan doesn’t tell me this to make me feel bad, but I can’t help feeling worthless regardless. Our family is dead because of me. I don’t need the reminder, it’s not something that I can easily forget.

I choke out, “I know,” before my throat starts to close.

I know that Logan can hear the pain in my voice because he curses. “That’s not what I meant, Addie, and you know it!”

Swallowing a few times, I force myself to breathe deeply and let it out slowly. “I know, Logan, it’s fine, it’s the truth.” He tries to interrupt me, but I cut him off. “Look I just took my meds and I’m really tired. I’ll call you tomorrow. I love you.”

Please just let me off the phone, Logan, I can’t handle this right now.

“Yeah of course, love you too, baby girl.”

I hang up. Before Jax can say anything I whisper, “Can you take me home now please?”

The last thing I want to do is fall apart at work. Getting lost in the sweet smell of the bakery while decorating cupcakes doesn’t have the same effect on me as it did minutes ago. All I want to do now is curl up in my bed and get lost in the memories.

He must see how much I’m dying inside because he nods and works on cleaning up. I close my eyes, and by the time I open them again, the kitchen is spotless. You can’t tell that we’ve been in here for almost two hours. It’s almost laughable how easy it is to erase something. I hear Jax speaking to Sam, but they’re too quiet for me to understand anything being said.

The cab ride is a blur. I’m barely aware of his arms around me while the endless amount of guilt suffocates me. As Jax helps me out of the taxi and into my apartment building, I’m losing my mind. I want to be strong enough, but I’m sinking fast. The memories that I work so hard to keep buried are rushing to the surface.

My body trembles from the emotional pain I’m intentionally causing myself. The memory of waking up in the hospital with Logan by my side is so powerful that reality disappears. I’m suddenly back in that bleak hospital room while he struggles to tell me we’re all we have left.

I woke up a little over twenty-five hours ago, but I haven’t really been here. I’ve been in and out of sleep the entire time, trying to piece together what happened, but my mind won’t let me. Everything is confusing.

Logan sits in a chair beside my bed, clutching my uninjured hand. I know that whatever he is going to say is bad. Really bad. He has tears in his eyes and he hasn’t talked about our parents, or Hadley. Not once. Every time I bring them up, he just shakes his head.

I have no idea what he means. “No” as in he doesn’t know yet because they’re not stable yet, or “No” because . . . I won’t let myself go there. I already know our dad is dead, there’s no way he could have survived.

My body convulses as I remember all the blood. The broken glass. No, he didn’t survive. Even though I know that he’s dead, I knew it before someone rescued us, I still pray that I’m wrong.

I allow myself to hope for the best, that maybe by some miracle he did survive like the rest of us. That they were able to stop the bleeding and give him a transfusion. He had to have survived, I can’t live without his help.

He’s my hero.

My dad didn’t die.

He wouldn’t leave me.

“I-I-I don’t know how to tell you this . . .” He stops talking, tries to compose himself.

I whisper, “Logan it’s fine, we’ll get through this together.” I wait for him to nod.“Now tell me what it is, how’s everyone doing? I haven’t seen Hadley since they put her in a different ambulance. Is she doing okay?”

I struggle to speak because my throat still hurts from not using it for two weeks. He holds out my water for me to sip. I swallow a few times, testing my throat. I wonder if it will ever stop hurting; even with all the meds they have me on, everything aches. It’s as if I’m reliving the accident without realizing it and I’m going through all of that pain, and desperation to escape again and again.

After I am able to speak again without it hurting so much, I ask the question that I’m dreading. “Are Mom and Dad . . . ar-are they okay? Di-did they make it?” That had to be the hardest question I have ever had to ask. I was barely able to put the words together.

Logan doesn’t say anything for awhile and when he finally does, I wish he didn’t. Ignorance is bliss.

“They didn’t make it.”

The tears in his eyes fall while I just stare at him, shocked. He squeezes my hand tightly but I hardly notice.

“Does Hadley know yet?”

When Logan looks into my eyes, his face full of so much remorse, it’s then that I know.

“NO! NO! NO!” I scream over and over again until a nurse hurries in and gives me a sedative. The last thing I see before my lids close is the unmistakable torture in my brother’s blue eyes.

I did this.

He’s alone because of me.

I killed them. I killed Hads.

The memories begin to float away as Jax whispers, “It’s gonna be okay, I’m here, Ads,” and suddenly I’m in the present again. The memory was so strong I started screaming, not just in the flashback. My entire body quivers and I feel like all of the air has been sucked out of the room. It takes me a moment to realize that we’re back in my apartment. I have no recollection of riding the elevator.

Jax holds me tighter to his chest and tells me, “Take deep breaths in and out for me.”