Текст книги "Desertion"
Автор книги: River Savage
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
Fifteen JESSE
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Nix walks out into the hall, kicking a stool out of his way.
“What’s up your ass now?” I ask from the sofa, sitting up from the racket. I just got back to the clubhouse from dropping the baby supplies off to the safe house for Beau and the woman he rescued.
“Fuckin’ Red is sick. Just cancelled on me.”
“Cancelled what?” I question, still not understanding what he’s losing his head about.
“Shit. What about Kadence’s parents?” Brooks joins the conversation, walking out from behind the bar.
“They’re away for the weekend,” Nix answers, ignoring me. His fist slams down on the bar in frustration.
“What’s got your panties in a twist?” I move off the sofa and come to stand by them. Yeah he’s got a short fuse on the best of days, but today he’s wired.
“There’s always—” Brooks nods to me but keeps his eyes on Nix.
“Fuck, no.” Nix shakes his head, and I’m still not following.
“He’s your only hope,” Brooks pushes.
“Someone fucking tell me what the fuck you’re talking about,” I interrupt again, this time, getting Brooks’ attention.
“Nix needs a sitter. You’re it.” Brooks slaps me on the back and walks back to the bar. Now it becomes clear.
“So, you finally need me.” I laugh, turning to Nix, ready to rub it in.
“No,” Nix answers, not budging.
“Why not?” I fold my arms across my chest and wait for the poor excuse he’ll give me.
“Yeah, why not? You’re desperate. Everyone’s out or busy,” Brooks repeats my question, his grin as wide as mine.
“Fuck,” he huffs, knowing I’m all he’s got. “Fine.” He pauses, and takes a minute. “Can you watch the kids, Jesse?” A smile slides up my face and I beam it his way. We both know him asking pisses him off.
“Ask nicer,” I fuck with him, because I can.
“Fuck you, Jesse.” I don’t respond, deciding it’s warranted after the shitty mood he’s been in for the last few weeks. He really has to work harder, especially if I have to cancel on Bell.
“Fine. Jesse, can you please watch Low and Z?” Nix caves and it’s fucking awesome.
“I have a date but—” I shrug, knowing my club, and family always comes first.
“No.”
“You didn’t let me finish.”
“You’re not fucking some whore on my sofa as my kids sleep upstairs.” He watches me carefully but he knows I wouldn’t do it.
“Fine. I’ll do it for twenty an hour.”
“Fuck off.” He hits me over the head and walks back to his office “Be at my house at six. Don’t be fuckin’ late.”
“You owe me,” I call out after him.
“Call it even after the shit you bring me daily.” He counters, and fuck, he got me on that one.
“I want dinner too,” I put out one last demand, but instead of replying, he slams his door. “Do you think I have any chance of getting Kadence’s lasagna?” I turn back to Brooks but he shakes his head.
“Kelly and I wouldn’t even get lasagna,” he says and I know there is no hope for me. “Don’t you have a date to cancel?” he asks, reminding me I need to call Bell.
“Shit, yes.” I reach for my phone and dial Bell but get her voicemail.
“Hey Sweetheart, it’s me. Give me a call when you get this.” I hang up and hope she gets it soon. I would hate for her to get ready and then I don’t show up.
“You still talking to Bell?” Brooks asks, watching me type out a text to her.
“Yeah.” I move my phone away from the sneaky fucker and finish the message.
“You like her,” he says and I won’t deny it. I won’t lay out the whole truth either.
“Been trying to get in her pants since Holly got shot.” I deflect to save face. I know my brothers think I’m a player, and I am, or was. Fuck, I don’t even know what is happening with me, with us, but I know Bell is different.
“Don’t think I’ve ever seen you work so hard.” He laughs and he’s right. I don’t chase, or work hard for it. So why Bell?
I have no right answer, but I know I’m not ready to give her up, at least not yet.
“Uncle Jesse.” Z runs up to see me as I walk through the door of Nix and Kadence’s place later that night.
“Hey, little man.” I scruff his hair as he lets me pass.
“I’m not little.” He puffs out his chest.
“Sorry, sorry, I forgot.” My hands come up not wanting to piss the little man off. I catch Nix’s eyes and give him a slight nod.
“Fuck, I’m surprised you turned up.” The asshole likes to give me shit, but I know he trusts me.
“Shut up and give me my girl.” I hold out my hands for Low. She squeals in excitement when she sees me.
“Fucker,” Nix grumbles, handing her over.
“Hey, Low baby, you tell your daddy how much you love your Uncle Jesse.” I blow a raspberry on her belly trying to get her to laugh.
“Rub it in, asshole.” Nix moves to the kitchen while I sit on the sofa next to Z.
“What’re you playing?” I ask, placing Low in some seat contraption she seems to like. She bangs on the dials and bounces up and down, her toothless grin growing wide at her new surroundings.
“Mortal Kombat, you ready?” Z asks, handing me the spare controller.
“Yeah, ready to kick your ass.” I take it from him.
“Jesse,” Nix scolds, but I just laugh. Z has heard worse words.
“Ten minutes, Kadence, or we’re gonna be late,” Nix yells from the bottom of the stairs.
“I don’t know much about dating, since I’m only a kid, but I don’t think you should do that,” Z says and I’m gonna have to agree with him.
“Yeah, I’m with you there, bud.” I fist bump Z. The kid is switched on, he’s gonna be a ladies man by the time I’m finished teaching him.
“You better not fuck this up, Jesse.”
“Nix, language,” Kadence reprimands him as she comes down the stairs
I turn and watch her take the last few steps.
“Jesus,” Nix groans, taking in what she’s wearing.
“Jesus, Joseph, and doggy-style Mary.” I whistle, giving Nix some time to get his head on straight.
“Jesse!” Kadence scolds, turning to me.
“What? I was just giving Nix some words. He looks lost.”
“The kids.” Her eyes bug out, worried Z might have been listening, but he’s too focused on the game to pay attention to the adult conversation.
“I got them, Kadence, all good.” She shakes her head so fast I worry something might loosen, but doesn’t comment again.
“You okay, Nix?” she asks, picking up her purse. I know this night is what both of them need, so I don’t want to fuck with them tonight.
“Yeah. Just not sure if I’m going to be able to handle you on the back of my bike,” he says and I nearly snort. Man, he has it bad.
“We’re taking the bike?” Kadence’s voice takes on a husky tone, and I know the Prez just got his in. Not needing to hear his bullshit lines, I force myself to block them out. They keep talking for a little bit while Z and I battle it out in Kombat.
“You remember what I told you, Jesse?” Kadence walks toward Low to say goodbye.
“Yep, got it.” I nod watching her send me a silent you-better-remember-every-detail expression. I return it with my own please-woman-I-got-this grin. “You do know I’m a former Marine, firefighter, and badass biker. I got this, sweetheart.”
“I know, I know.” She bends down and kisses Low. “Okay, let’s go.” She moves to Z, kissing him briefly. “Call us if you need anything.”
“I got it. Go,” I encourage.
“Yeah, Dad, go,” Z repeats, making me laugh. Even the kid knows when enough is enough.
They walk out in silence and a few minutes later, the bike starts and they ride off, finally leaving us alone.
“Why don’t you have a date tonight, Jesse?” Z asks after a few moments of playing the game.
“’Cause I’m here with you.” I smile even though I wish I was with Bell. When Bell called me back earlier, she had just got out of work. She took the news of me canceling on her in her stride but told me she was busy tomorrow and wouldn’t be able to meet till Monday.
I’m kicking myself I left her alone so long to get my head out of my ass.
“What do you want for dinner?” I ask, changing the subject. When Nix and Kadence get back, I might try to head over and see Bell, make up for canceling on her.
“Mom left food, but can we do pizza?”
“What leftovers?” I ask, wondering if she left me lasagna. The woman makes a fucking mean lasagna.
“Stew.” His face pulls into some pained expression and it doesn’t make me want it.
“You want pizza, Low?” I ask, flicking one of her buttons, which sings some “ABC” shit.
“She can’t eat pizza.” Z laughs, shaking his head.
“More for us then.” I snatch the phone and dial out.
“You’re so cool, Jesse.” Z announces before the call is answered and a small ache twists in my gut wondering if I had a son would he still think that? Or would our relationship be like the one I have with my father? Those sort of questions hold too many what ifs, and the very reason why I would never want to find out. I don’t ever want to be like that man.
“Pick up the damn phone, Bell,” I grumble into the phone the next morning. I wanted to go to her last night, but Nix and Kadence ran into an emergency and I had to stay with the kids. I know she said she was busy with family shit, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting to speak to her.
“All right, that’s it.” I stand and decide I’m just going to drop by. Typing out the text, I tell her I’ll be there in ten minutes. I don’t wait around for a reply, just head out to my bike.
The ride over to her place is quick, and for a second, I contemplate turning around, but I hold strong and walk the path to the front porch. Taking a deep breath, I ring the bell and step back.
“Bell, can you get the door?” Someone calls out, and before I can blink, the door is open and Bell is standing there.
“What the hell, Jesse?” She pushes me back and steps outside. “Why are you here?” Her mouth forces a smile, but her eyes don’t strive for the same effort.
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I shrug, thinking maybe I was reading too much into her not taking my calls.
“I told you it’s fine. I understand,” she says, but the way she’s acting now, she doesn’t seem fine.
“I know, but I wanted to make it up to you.” I pull her to me. The need to kiss her now that she is in front of me is too much to ignore.
“What’s wrong?” I ask when she tenses under my touch.
“It’s Paige’s Birthday. We are having a family thing for her, you know…” she trails off.
Fuck.
“Sorry, sweetheart. You should have told me. I wouldn’t have come,” I tell her, stepping back. It’s not the time. Coming here today wasn’t right.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and I wish I could hold her, tell her everything is okay, but I know it’s too much for her to take in right now.
“I’ll speak to you later,” I wink and head back down the porch steps wishing she would call me back and ask me to stay. But she doesn’t and I understand why. This is why it’s hard to walk away from her. I get what she needs, just like she does for me. I just wish I could help her, like she seems to help me.
Sixteen BELL
“Who was at the door, dear?” Mom asks when I walk back into the kitchen.
“Ahh, just a friend.” I brush it off, not ready to tell her about Jesse. I nearly told her yesterday about him, but when I got the message he had to cancel due to a family issue, I held off. I wasn’t sure if Jesse was backing away or if he really did have family drama, but I tried not to let it get to me. Instead, I hung out at home with Ava watching lame romance movies and tried to forget that Paige’s birthday was looming.
“Oh, you should have invited them in.” She goes back to icing the cake, missing my panicked state.
“They were just dropping by, couldn’t stay.” My gaze travels over to my sister and I catch her watching me.
“Oh, what a shame,” she teases, reading my panic. After talking with Ava last night about Jesse, I feel closer to her, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to stop giving me shit. That’s what little sisters are for, right?
“Yes, a shame.” I fire a do-not-push-it look her way.
“Bell, can you run and get your dad? The cake is ready,” Mom asks, missing the unspoken conversation between Ava and me.
“Sure.” I smile the most upbeat smile I can conjure. I hate this part of the day. I understand it’s important to remember Paige, but I just feel sometimes I need to remember her on my own. Hanging around pretending like everything is okay can become exhausting.
“Dad, Mom’s ready with the cake.” I knock on Dad’s office door. When he isn’t in the shop working on boats, he’s in here, doing paperwork.
“Okay, darling.” He closes his laptop and stands. I watch him carefully, wondering what it must feel like on days like this, but never really sure how to go about asking. “Are you okay, Bell?” he asks, wrapping his arm around me.
“Yeah, Dad,” I sigh, as we make our way into the kitchen.
“You’re not, but I get it.” He stops and turns to look at me. “I know how hard it is for all of us today. We all need to grieve and remember in our own way. Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll get you out of here,” he whispers as my mom brings the cake to the table. I want to fall into his embrace, and tell him how much I need that but I don’t. I can’t.
“Okay,” Mom says with a shaky voice. “Everyone come on.” She waves us forward. My dad gives me a wink and motions me forward. “Happy birthday, Paige, wherever you are, baby girl. We are thinking about you and we love you.” She lights the candle and we all softly sing “Happy Birthday.” My mom breaks down after blowing out the candle and my dad sweeps in to comfort her. He gives me a wink walking out of the kitchen and up the stairs to their bedroom where he will probably spend the next few hours holding mom while she comes undone.
“Are you going out now?” I ask Ava as I place the cake in the fridge and tidy the kitchen. She stayed quiet at the table as Dad took Mom, not once moving.
“I think I’m just going to go watch some television.” She stands and walks out, leaving me alone. I contemplate going to see her, but Dad was right. We all need to mourn and remember her in our own way.
Grabbing my keys, I head straight for the car. I don’t know where I’m going, just that I need to get out of here and think.
I drive thinking about growing up with Paige, and what we used to do on our birthdays. Paige and I were close. She is only a year younger than me and we were like best friends. We shared a room, told each other everything. It’s why I know she wouldn’t have run away. She would never run from me. She was happy. I would know if something was up. I never agreed with what the police thought. I just know she wouldn’t do it. In the beginning, I thought she would just come back to us. We would wake up one day and she would be back. But as days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, I would fight an internal battle wondering if she was dead or alive. The unknown is always worse. And most days, I pray she isn’t in any pain, and if she is dead, wishing whoever took her life made it quick. It may be morbid and may be wrong, but the thought of anything else makes my stomach roll. If I could swap places with her, I would. If I could save her, I would.
After what feels like hours, I find myself driving up the gravel driveway of the Knights Rebels’ compound. I park my car and just sit and try to figure out what I’m doing here.
“You just gonna sit out here all day or you gonna come on in?” A female voice pulls me out of my head with a tap on the window.
“Sorry?” I look up to find Holly and Xzavier next to my window. “Oh, hi, Holly.” I release my seatbelt and open the door.
“How are you, Bell?” she asks, cradles her baby boy to her chest. He’s only a couple weeks old, but by the looks of it, takes after his daddy’s build.
“I’m good. How are you? How’s baby X?” I ask, stroking his cheek.
“We’re great. X is getting so big like his daddy.” She gazes down at her son and places a kiss to his head. I watch her quietly as she closes her eyes and breathes him in. “What are you doing here?” She looks up out of her new baby trance and questions me.
“Umm, well, I was hoping to see Jesse.” I look toward the front door, wondering if I’ve crossed some line coming here.
“Oh.” A teasing smile takes over and I can tell she wants to question me, but she holds off. “Come on in.” She turns and waits for me to follow her. I exit my car and walk in silence until we get just inside the door.
“Wait.” I stop, not sure if coming here was smart.
“Hey, it’s okay. I can see you’re freaking, but you made it this far. Don’t back out now,” she reasons and I have to give it to her; she knows how to make me feel at ease.
“I just don’t know if he’s going to be okay with this.” I say too much and regret it instantly.
“If he’s an ass, I’ll kick his ass,” she says, taking my hand and pulling me further into the club. The clubhouse is noisy, not as noisy as the last time I was here, but it still makes me uneasy. More people to see me embarrassed if Jesse kicks me out again. “He’s out back.” Holly comes to a stop at the opening of the main area and points to the back glass doors.
“You can’t just leave me now,” I plead, turning to face her. She laughs but doesn’t argue.
“Kadence, get your ass in here,” she shouts, and a few seconds later, Kadence sticks her head around the corner.
“Bell?” she questions when she recognizes me.
“Hi.” I wave, wishing I was back home with Mom’s cake. I have no idea what I was thinking. These people don’t need to see my drama.
“Go get Jesse,” Holly instructs, and a grin spreads across Kadence’s face.
“Jesse, get your ass inside,” Kadence yells and I sink back further, planning an escape. If I could just get out of here.
“Actually, I just remembered I left something in the car.” I turn to hightail it out of here.
“Oh no, we have a runner.” Holly laughs and lets me pass. I don’t stop to tell her I’m not running, just walking fast, backing out before I make a fool of myself.
“Bell?” Jesse’s voice stops me before I turn the corner.
“Shit,” I curse, Jesse’s dirty mouth rubbing off on me.
“Oh, Nurse Bell has a dirty mouth,” Kadence says, and it’s official, this was a bad mistake.
“Hi.” I gingerly turn back to face him.
“What are you doing here?” His question doesn’t sound angry or upset, just curious.
“I was just driving and…” my mind drifts off as I contemplate how I even made it here.
“What do you need, Bell?” Jesse steps forward, voice lowered. No judgment, just offering me whatever I need.
“I, umm, I didn’t mean to come here.” He steps closer and my tears start to sting as I try to hold them back.
“You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t mean to.” He takes my hand and pulls me into his arms. “Bell, talk to me,” he whispers, but I don’t need to talk. I just need to be held.
It’s funny, I’ve never been held before like this, comforted by someone other than my parents or friends. This feels different, like his strength could hold me up all night. I’ve never felt anything like it before. The people who have held me in the past, have always been trying to hold themselves up. The way Jesse holds me, it’s like my body trusts itself to give him everything I’ve ever held in. Let someone else outside of the situation take what I can’t handle.
“I need you,” I say, eyes closed, head resting on his chest. He picks me up with ease, giving me what I need and carries me down the hall to his room. He pushes open his door, then kicks it shut, before walking me to his bed.
“You have me, Bell,” he says, pulling me closer into him as he lies next to me.
“Her birthday gets harder and harder each year,” I say, and I know I won’t have to explain it any more than that. He understands.
“Ahhh, sweetheart.” He holds me a little tighter as the tears come, and I know I shouldn’t let it, but it makes me fall a little more for him.
I’m on a slippery slope and I don’t know how to stop.
“Hi, Bell. Nice to see you again,” Nix, Kadence’s husband, says as we walk out to the back patio where everyone is sitting. We’ve been gone for over thirty minutes, with Jesse holding me while I cried. I didn’t think I could cry any more, but each time he held me tighter, it would set off another round of tears. Eventually, I was able to get it together enough for Jesse to convince me to come out and say hi to everyone. I wasn’t expecting him to invite me out. I thought for sure, being in his bed, things would lead to other things, but he surprised me.
“Yeah, you too, Nix.” I smile, taking a seat next to Jesse.
“Bell, you know Nix, Sy, Holly and Kadence.” Jesse points to the faces I’m familiar with. “This ugly fucker is Beau.” He motions first to a man with long hair that’s pulled back in a small ponytail. I remember him from the first night I was here. Only in the light of the day, he doesn’t look so scary.
“Hi,” I wave awkwardly and watch his smile transform his dark looks into something completely different. Calmer. Sexier?
“And this is Brooks and his wife, Kelly. Their daughter over there is Mia.” He points first to an older man. His face hidden by a beard, dark with flecks of grey. I move my eyes over to his wife, Kelly. My first thought is she’s younger. A lot younger, but I’m not thrown by it. She smiles and waves before saying hello.
“Hi.” I wave back. “Your daughter is cute.” I look over to the small blonde-haired girl playing with an older boy who looks to be twelve maybe thirteen years old.
“That’s our son, Z.” Kadence notices me looking at him. I nod, remembering Jesse telling me about Z.
“You okay, Bell?” Holly asks, eyeing me curiously. She saw my tears before Jesse took me to his room, and it warms my heart that she’s worried for me.
“She’s fine,” Jesse answers for me, halting the conversations at the table.
“Holy shit! Did you just see it?” Nix asks, and grins split over Kadence and Holly’s faces. See what?
“I fucking told you so. You all owe me ten dollars, ” Sy says, weighing in and now I’m completely lost.
“Shut the fuck up,” Jesse grumbles, causing them all to break out in laughter.
“Fuck, he’s a goner,” Nix continues to push, causing Jesse to stand.
“Don’t fucking start. You don’t know shit.” He continues to be pissed while everyone else seems so happy. What the hell is everyone talking about?
“We’re out of here.” He leans down and takes my hand, pulling me up to stand with him.
“We are?” I ask, confused, considering he was the one who dragged me out here in the first place.
“Yeah, I gotta be somewhere,” he says as he starts to drag me back inside. I don’t fight him, his hold on me is rough and desperate.
“Bye everyone,” I call out, turning back to wave. I’m sad we are leaving so soon, but maybe next time we can stay longer.
“Bye, Bell,” Holly and Kadence call back, the rest grinning.
“Don’t talk to those assholes,” Jesse growls, setting off another roar of laughter as he pulls me down the hall back to his room.
“Jesse, what’s wrong?” I ask when he slams his door shut.
“Nothing, I just need to be inside of you, right now.” He walks me to the bed and pushes me back. I land in a squeal but his mouth descends to mine before I can protest any further.
“Have to take you, Bell,” he says against my mouth. Need pulses through me at his confession and all thoughts and worries leave me.
“Hmm,” I hum. His hand slides up my inner thigh, under my dress, pushing my panties aside and going straight to my heat.
“Fuck, always so wet, Bell.” His eyes roll back in his head like he’s enjoying it more than me, even though I haven’t touched him yet.
“Jesse,” I sigh when two fingers fill me.
“Always so ready.” His eyes burn in arousal as the corners of his mouth tips up, ready to break out in a knowing grin.
“Just for you.” I agree as his lips move down my neck over my collarbone and across my breasts before he peppers kisses all over my belly. Finally, he’s breathing a hot breath over my cotton panties.
“Jesus, Bell, I’m gonna come apart before I even get to taste you,” he says, and the anticipation of his touch is too much.
“Please, Jesse,” I plead as he slides my panties down my legs.
“Spread them wide for me, dirty girl,” he orders, and like every time he bosses, I do as I am told, spreading my legs wider to expose myself to him.
“Holy mother fucking God.” He drops to his knees, and pulls me to the edge of the bed. My hand moves to cover myself unsure if what I have is enough for Jesse.
“Don’t hide, Bell. I want to see how fucking perfect you are,” he whispers, holding both my hands in his beside my body. His face moves between my legs and my heart rate picks up.
“Jesse, I’ve never.” I look down at him, my nerves eating at me. It’s all too much, having him so close.
“I’ve got you, Bell,” he promises and I believe him. I swallow past my unease as his fingers squeeze my hand and his head descends.
“Oh, God.” The warmth of his tongue as he lightly touches my clit has my hips bucking in frenzy. His grip releases my hands and moves to my stomach, pushing me back to the bed.
“Keep still,” he says before running his tongue from my entrance to my clit in one slow lick. “Jesus Christ, woman, you fucking taste like Heaven.” He moans before feasting on me.
“Holy hell, don’t ever stop,” I beg, losing my head in the foreign bliss.
“I don’t plan to, sweetheart,” he vows, moving his tongue faster through my folds. My hands move to his head, my fingers wrapping around his hair, and pulling in satisfaction.
“Seriously, I don’t want this to end,” I hear myself proclaim as heat builds from my core.
“Hmmm.” His voice rumbles as my hands pull harder, my orgasm heading full speed ahead.
“Oh, God, I’m going to,” I pant, and my hips take over, moving in time with his mouth.
“Now,” His deep, rumbly voice orders before inserting a finger and pumping into me.
“Jesse,” I cry out and my orgasm explodes, pushing me over into the world that’s fast becoming my favorite place.
“Sweetheart, if I could sit and watch you come apart every day, I would die a happy man,” he murmurs, placing his soft, wet lips against the inside of my thigh, over my stomach, moving up to my chest over my neck and ending with my lips.
“See how you taste,” he says, darting his tongue into my mouth. The taste isn’t what I would call amazing, but the act is erotic enough to make me moan.
“I don’t know what to do with you, Bell.” He pulls back and rests his forehead to mine. “I feel like something is happening and I don’t understand it,” he confesses. Again, I get the sincere Jesse.
“I’m not doing anything special, Jesse.” I reach up and place my hands on either side of his face.
“But you are, don’t you see? My whole club can see.”
“See what?” I ask, at a loss.
“See that you make me want to be different. You make me need you,” he whispers, and I understand his fight. He just doesn’t realize that he doesn’t have to fight it. It’s not meant to be hard.
“Is it so bad for you to need someone, Jesse? Is it so bad you want me?”
