Текст книги "Desertion"

Автор книги: River Savage

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Twenty-Two BELL

Sex trafficking?

The words ring in my head while dread weighs my body down.

Paige could be alive. But living what sort of life?

“It’s not true.” I shake my head and turn to Holly. She reaches for my hand and I take it like a lifeline, like an anchor reminding me I’m here, in the present, receiving the worst news.

“Our contact is legit, but we’re gonna keep digging. We’re going to keep looking, Bell.” Jesse keeps talking.

“What are they doing to her? What sort of life is that?” I try to shake off the visions of what my poor sister might be going through, but the heaviness of the situation is too much.

“We knew any sort of news might be shocking, Bell. But we can’t get caught up in all of that.” Jesse tries to calm me again. And I want to so badly, but my mind and my body are at war and I have no idea who will win out, which will shut down first.

I’m not naïve to think Paige hasn’t been in danger, but sitting here and hearing where they think she is, the loss hits me all over again.

“You need to breathe, Bell.” Kelly tries to calm me this time. I look up from Jesse’s lap and see all the ladies, sitting close, all concerned for me. Nix and Sy are still standing near the bar, talking with Jackson.

“You’re right, I have to calm down.” I take a deep breath then move off Jesse’s lap. “So what’s happening? What are we doing to find her?” I wipe at my face and prepare to process more. Why are we sitting around if we have a name?

“You’re not doing anything right now, sweetheart. We have this handled.”

“Handled?” I repeat. “Jesse, I want to be a part of this. I want to help.”

“And I understand all that, baby, but we have to be smart if we have any chance of getting her back.” He takes my hands in his grip, keeping me still. “You have to trust that I have you.” I hold his stare, letting his calmness and the ferocity of his words calm me. “We all have you, Bell.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead.

“Jesse, I’m off. I’ll check in tomorrow,” Jackson calls across the clubhouse, breaking our moment.

Jesse looks up. “Yep.” He nods his goodbye before looking back down at me.

“You okay, Bell?” Jackson asks before leaving.

“Yeah, I’m good.” My body is shaking in fear, and uncertainty but I can’t let it control me. I need to be strong for Paige.

“I’ll check in tomorrow.” I nod, offer a small smile then watch him turn and walk out.

“I need to go pick up X from Mom and Dad’s. You going to be okay, Bell?” Holly stands but looks down at me.

“I’m good, thank you so much.” I reach for her hand and give it a squeeze.

“You got it, babe.” She winks and then gathers her stuff.

“We will find her, Bell. I promise,” Jesse whispers as the room starts moving again, and the moment is put away as we all try to move forward.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jesse,” I whisper. A new fear sets in. What if it’s too late? I know Jesse said they have it under control, but what if we’re too late?

“Look at me, Bell. I will do everything in my power to find her. I mean it, with everything in me. As long as you promise me you’ll leave it to us.”

“Jesse, she’s my sister.”

“Get it out of your head. We are on this, sweetheart. You have to stay out of it. These men are not going to deal with a cute nurse. We need to have a plan, and that plan includes keeping you safe. Okay?” He leans down and presses his lips to mine in a chaste kiss. “Promise me now, you’ll stay out of it.” I lick at my lips before nodding slightly. “Words, woman. I need them.”

“Yes, Jesse. I’ll leave it to you,” I lie, hating myself for it. Jesse has to understand I’m in this all the way. Shutting me out isn’t an option.

“Good girl.” He nods, happy with my cooperation.

“I just want to help,” I add, needing him to know where I stand.

“I know, baby, and you are. Come on, you need sleep.” He stands and drags me up with him. We say good night to everyone who’s left before Jesse leads me to his room. This wasn’t how I was expecting our night to end. Now, I’m exhausted and just want to pass out.

Jesse helps me out of my clothes, lets me borrow one of his tees, pulls the sheets back, and then waits for me to climb in.

“You want to call your mom and dad?” he asks, reminding me I completely forgot about them in all this.

“God no. Let’s find out some more information first. I don’t know how my mom will react to this news. It could break her.”

“Okay, sweetheart. Whatever you need.” He kisses me gently again, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything from it.

“Jesse, I’m scared out of my mind,” I admit, my head throbbing with tension.

“I know you are, baby.” Drawing me closer into his arms, he comforts me. I release a soft sigh before relaxing against him. Finding sleep is going to be hard. I have too many scenarios running wild and rapid through my mind.

I don’t know how I am going to manage it, but I know lying in Jesse’s arms, I need to do more.

Tomorrow, I’ll figure it out. Until then, I’ll enjoy Jesse holding me. Enjoy the freedom I’m living. Be grateful for it. And I am. I would never take this for granted.

Ever.

Twenty-Three JESSE

“Bell?” I whisper, against her hair. She stirs a little but doesn’t wake. After waiting another ten minutes, I slowly move her off me and creep my way back out to the clubhouse. My head’s too messed up with everything that’s happening. I realized while I was trying to talk her down, that I would do anything for Bell Johnson, and it scared me. Having her in my life scared me, but worse, I couldn’t step away.

“You back up?” Beau asks when I walk into the kitchen.

“Can’t sleep,” I say, walking to the coffee machine and pouring myself a cup.

“Bell okay now?” He watches me carefully as I add cream and sugar.

“As good as she can be.” I nod and pull a chair up next to him. He holds my stare for a minute before going back to the paper.

“You think it’s wise letting her in on it all?” he asks, keeping his eyes down.

I don’t reply straight away because I’m not sure it’s wise. “I can’t keep it from her, Beau. She’s a fuse ready to go off.”

“Well, Nix made the call to T. We got a meet tomorrow night.” He smiles more excited than he should be. He’s never liked the assholes and any sort of tension with them seems to get him going.

“Good. Hopefully we can walk away without getting into it with them.” I nod, feeling good about the club’s decision to move forward. Jackson might not be impressed, but there’s not much he can do about it. As long as we stay out of any illegal shit, we should be good.

“And if we don’t? You willing to put the club through this for her?” Beau asks, pulling me out of my head. I know what he’s getting at. But he’s the last person to be giving his opinion. He just fucked us all over by taking one of the Warriors’ women.

“You want me to answer that?”

“Yeah, I want to know what your motives are. I’d fucking die trying to save a woman from that sort of life, you know that. But you? You willing to bring bloodshed for her?”

“I’m not doing it for fucking pussy.” I straighten my shoulders ready to defend my actions and what Bell means to me if I have to. He stares me down before smirking and taking another sip of his coffee. Okay, that was easy.

“T and his men are the last of our concerns. Bates and the shit he’s into is where I’m concerned.”

“I know.” Shaking my head, I think about what the poor girl could be going through and it makes my stomach roll.

“It won’t be pretty. You need to prepare your woman for that.” I let his dig about Bell being my woman slide.

“She knows. Fuck does she know,” I answer. But deep down, I know that’s not the case. The truth is I don’t think any of us are prepared for what might come out of this.

“Remember, this is just a friendly visit. You keep your cool, Jesse, you got it?” Nix says the following night. We’re thirty minutes out of town, ready to meet the Warriors.

“I think I can handle it,” I reply, ignoring that jab.

“You told him seven?” Beau asks as we walk inside the small diner T told us to meet at.

“Yeah, take the back table.” Nix points to our normal table. Brooks and Hunter hang back, keeping an eye on the crowd, while Nix, Beau and I take a seat in the back.

We don’t meet with the Warriors often, but when we do, we keep it on neutral ground. Out of town. No guns, and no bullshit.

“Hey, there, can I get you anything to drink?” A cute waitress walks up eyeing each of us before landing and staying on Beau.

“Just a coffee for me, darlin’.” He looks up at her briefly, before diverting his gaze anywhere but on her.

“And what about you guys?” She barely looks our way before moving back to Beau. The man is clueless as he keeps an eye out for T and his men.

“Water,” I answer.

“Coffee will be good,” Nix orders.

“Okay, great. I’ll bring that right out.” She keeps her stare on Beau, but he’s still oblivious.

“Thanks,” I answer and watch her sway her ass as she moves away. “You fucking dick head, cute waitress flirting with you.” I knock the table to get his attention.

“Unlike you, brother, I’m not interested in bitches who want to flash their smiles and point their tits in my face while I’m trying to order a fucking coffee.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re cranky all the fucking time. Too busy saving pussy than getting your own.”

“Don’t fucking start you two.” Nix reaches for his phone when it vibrates in front of him. “Jesus fuck,” Nix says, slams his phone down and angles his head toward the door. “Fuck, Jesse, your woman just turned up.”

“What the fuck?” I spin in my seat to see Bell take a seat in the back booth and trying to hide behind a menu. I don’t have a minute to register how I feel about her being called my woman. I’m too caught up in knowing she just walked into something huge.

“Fucking hell,” I stand immediately and stalk over to her table. “What the fuck are you doing here, Bell?” I take her hand and pull her out of the booth. How the fuck did she know we were here?

“Jesse?” She looks up, shock and curiosity fills her eyes. “What are you doing here?” she answers back, looking from me to the booth where we were meant to be meeting T.

“Don’t fucking act dumb, Bell. This shit is fucking serious.” I follow her gaze and see my prez walk toward us.

“You gonna sort this shit out, Jesse, or do I need to fuckin’ intervene?” he grunts and I know he’s pissed but I’ve got this shit under control.

“Hunter,”—I turn to where he took a seat in the back—“take Bell back to the clubhouse, now.”

“I can’t leave now—” Bell starts but there is no way in hell I’m letting her stay here.

“Clubhouse now,” I cut her off, not in the mood to argue with her. I’ve already told her we have this shit covered.

“I’m not some child you can boss around, Jesse. Last time I checked, I’m an adult.” She pulls out of my grasp and goes to sit back down.

“Well start fucking acting like one,” I snap back and watch her body stiffen. “You fucking followed us here, Bell. I told you these men are not men you want to fuck with. I told you to let us sort it out. I don't have time to be worrying about your safety. Go with Hunter we’ll discuss this later.” I turn away from her and lift my chin to Hunter, letting him know he can take her.

“I’ve got my car here. I can drive.”

“Go with Hunter. We’ll sort your car out later,” I counter, but her head keeps shaking in defiance.

“I’m more than capable of taking my own car, Jesse.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. Don’t fucking argue with me, damn it.” Pressure builds in the side of my forehead. Jesus, this must be how Nix and Sy feel all the time. Fuck, I'm an ass for giving them shit.

Bell steps back at my outburst, but I can’t give two fucks if she is pissed at me or if the diner is watching this play out. I can’t even think what could have happened to her if we didn't turn up before the Warriors.

“Come on, Bell, I’ll take you back to the clubhouse.” Hunter steps in and takes her hand. I let out a sigh when she yields, and watch as he walks her to the door.

“Straight to the clubhouse, Hunter,” I order and get a short nod. He knows not to fuck up. I don't look at Bell again, too pissed to even get into it right now. I’ll deal with her later, when this shit with the Warriors is sorted.

Bell has no idea what type of man we are dealing with here, and she just fucking walked straight into his path. Fuck me.

“Looks like your woman is turning out to be more a pain in the ass than Nix and Sy’s combined,” Beau remarks as we walk back to the table.

“Shut the fuck up.” I flip him off, not in the mood for his shit.

“What? Not so fucking funny now, cocksucker?” He laughs like he’s the funniest fuck on the planet. I have to give it to him, getting his licks in while I'm pissed is ballsy, even if he is right.

“Both of you shut the fuck up. We deal with this asshole first, then we can deal with your woman, Jesse,” Nix speaks up reminding us why we’re here.

“Yeah, Beau, head in the fuckin’ game, brother.” I cover up my unease with a glossy grin and salute him with my middle finger one more time then put my game face on ready to find out the answers we need.

My interaction with Bell has put me on edge. I’m fucking about to let this frustration out on one of my brothers.

It might not be healthy, but better to let it out on these assholes than her.

“I’m not prepared to talk about club business with you, Nix,” T, the Warriors’ Prez lays it out straight fifteen minutes later. I knew he fucking wouldn’t play ball, but I’m not giving up yet.

“I respect that, T, but you have to understand my issue here. This woman belongs to one of ours. If you have a hand in this shit, we’re gonna have issues,” Nix replies, still cool, calm and collected. Unlike me. I’m ready to fucking reach across the damn table and rip his throat out.

T is a large bastard, don’t get me wrong. And fucking ugly. His shaved head shows off his tattooed skull, giving him a menacing look. A scar, which Nix’s dad gave him, runs from his jaw to his temple− proof of the war our clubs once had. But that doesn’t deter me. I’d fucking take him. I’ve taken larger men on before.

“If what you’re saying is true, Nix, that was back when we ran girls. You expect me to remember each whore we transported?” T flicks his hand out dismissing the photo we brought with us tonight. A photo of Paige.

“She was a fucking teenager, asshole, not a fucking whore!” I can no longer hold my tongue. I’m fucking ready to blow. Nix’s hand comes to my arm trying to calm me down. I clench my fingers, attempting to release the frustration this fucker is giving me.

“Even so, we didn’t take inventory. We just ran transport, that’s it.” He sits back and shrugs.

“Why don’t you take a look at the photo again? Maybe it will jog your memory.” I push the photograph forward, across the table.

He cocks a brow, watching me carefully, before thinking he has it figured out. “She yours?”

“Just fucking look at it.”

He picks it up, looks at it briefly again before shaking his head. “Haven’t seen her before.”

“Fair enough.” Nix nods and begins to stand, but I’m not ready to leave. This asshole knows something and my fist is ready to find out what. Before I have the chance to lay it, Nix continues. “But know this, T. We find out you’re lyin’ to us, and the Warriors do in fact know something, there will be a backlash. You take something that doesn’t belong to you and lie to my face…I won’t take too kindly to that.”

“You threatening me, Nix?” T straightens but doesn’t stand.

“Just a friendly reminder. We’ve had our differences and we’ve worked them out before, but this is different. This is family for us and if you know anythin’ about this, I suggest you reconsider your stand. You’ve got twenty-four hours.” Nix delivers his final warning before nodding at me to follow.

I leave the photo on the table, stand and deliver my own warning. “If I find out you had any hand in this, I’m coming back for you. I don’t give a fuck about the truce.”

T’s VP stands and pushes out his chest in some attempt to make me back off. I almost laugh at his pathetic effort at intimidation.

“Jesse,” Nix warns, noticing our standoff.

Fighting the urge to punch the fucker, I give him a cocky wink then follow my brothers out to our bikes.

“They know more than they’re letting on,” I announce, pissed we got nothing out of the meet.

“He’ll come around. If he doesn’t, I’m sure we can convince him.” Nix sounds sure, but I’m not so convinced. At this stage, letting Jackson do his thing seems to be our only hope.

“Yeah, we will see.” I mount my ride, looking back toward the door of the diner.

“So how does it feel, Jesse?” Nix snickers. Hearing the change in his tone, I look up.

“Feel?”

“To hand someone your balls?” The cool air of the night fills with laughter. Brooks and Beau shake with enjoyment, while Nix presses his lips tight, fighting his own laughter.

“Fuck you all.” I give them the finger.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.” Brooks advises, but it’s not comforting.

“He’s right. You will. Now head back and teach your woman how we deal with club business.” I don’t miss the change in his tone or the tick of his jaw.

“Yep, meet you back at the club.” I wave them off, hoping by the time we get back, Nix has let it go, and the other fuckers don’t pull any shit.

Something tells me that’s not going to happen.

Twenty-Four BELL

Checking the time on my phone again, I let out an impatient snort. Where the hell is he? Waiting has never been my strength. Sitting still and watching time tick by is the least productive thing one could ever do. Even as a kid I would throw epic tantrums if I had to sit around and wait for my mom to take me somewhere. Anything over five minutes would send me into a meltdown.

Forcing myself to try and relax, I shut my eyes. Maybe if I’m asleep when Jesse gets home, he won’t be so angry.

After a few minutes, an awareness washes over me. Keeping my body still, I hear the bedroom door creak open.

“Bell?” Jesse calls, flicking on the light.

“Yeah.” I sit up and let my eyes adjust. He doesn’t reply, just starts dropping his keys and wallet on the table next to the door. “What happened?” I quiz when he places his cut on the chair and kicks his boots off.

“Babe, it’s late. I’m tired, wired and pissed.”

“Listen, Jesse—” I begin the rehearsed apology and explanation I already thought out.

“I’m not kidding, Bell. You’re only gonna piss me off.” He flicks the light off and I hear him move toward the bed.

“Jesse, don’t be like that. Please,” I plead, not expecting him to just shut me down. I knew he was going to be pissed but I wasn’t expecting the silent treatment.

“Like what, Bell? You could have gotten yourself hurt. Hell, worse.” He climbs into bed beside me. I can just make out his features, his eyes are tired and the crease of his normal smile dips low into a frown. Needing him to understand, I roll into him, resting my leg over his middle.

“You have to understand why I went there,” I try again. I don’t know why it’s so important he understands, but it is. His hand runs up my bare leg. My breath quickens, but I force myself to ignore his touch and focus on making things right.

“I don’t think you grasp how much I don’t get why you would be there. It’s fucking dangerous and you knew I didn’t want you involved.”

“You don’t think I know that? I do, but I’m not going to sit by, Jesse, when I could be helping.”

“You don’t get it, Bell. You’re not helping.” He takes a deep breath and rubs his hands over his face.

“I’m not trying to argue with you, Jesse.” I lower my voice, afraid I’m treading dangerously close to his limit.

“Then don’t. I told you, I’m not doing this tonight with you.”

“So that’s it? We’re not going to talk about it at all?” I try to curb my anger at his disregard of my needs.

“No–was thinking you could sit on my face then if I’m up to it, I’ll fuck you. Once I’ve had my fill, we’re gonna go to sleep, and tomorrow we’ll talk about it.” Ignoring the tightness in my stomach, I come up on my elbow to look down at him, unsure if he’s being serious or messing around. “Not fucking around, Bell.” His hands move to my waist, dragging me completely on top of him.

“Jesse, I’m not going to have sex with you when you’re angry at me.”

“Sweetheart, not gonna tell you again. I want you on my face, now.” His words are a direct hit between my legs. “No point in clenching, baby. I’m gonna eat you until you beg me to stop. Now stand up and slide those sexy panties down your legs.” Searching for some kind of clarity, I pause and try to catch up with what’s happening.

“Don’t fight it, sweetheart,” he urges. My chest tightens in excitement, and for reasons unknown to me, I do as I’m told and stand up on shaky legs on top of the bed.

Jesse’s hands come to either side of my legs, waiting for me to expose myself.

“Don’t have all night, and from that patch of wetness I can see, you’re ready for me. If you want, we can skip this part and I can bend you over, and fuck you hard.” His threat only serves more as a turn on as the ache between my legs takes on its own beat. “Panties off, now.”

“I know you’re angry, Jesse.” My hands move to the side of my panties. Hooking my fingers around the cotton material, I slowly slide them down my legs. “But I want to explain.” My eyes never leave his stare. “You have to understand why I did it.” I keep pushing, torn between wishing he would talk to me and just letting him take his anger out on me through sex.

He doesn’t respond in words; instead, his hands cover mine, forcing the material faster. One leg at a time, I step out of them and let Jesse throw them to the side.

“Spread ‘em.” His head rests back against his pillow. With shaking hands, I slowly part myself and give him a better view.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” His hand snakes out, running the tip of his finger through my wetness. A soft moan vibrates over my lips.

“Take your shirt off, sweetheart, and sit on my face.” I do as I’m told. Done with talking, I rip my shirt over my head, throwing it to the side, and move to stand directly over his face. His body slides down the bed until his mouth is directly under me. Still standing, I look down at his face.

Lust.

Hunger.

Need.

And anger all flick over his face as he waits for me.

“Drop to those knees, babe. Need to taste your sweetness.” Eager for us to be okay again, I don’t waste any more time and lower myself to just above his face.

“Fuck yeah,” he growls before pulling me down hard the rest of the way.

My legs spread wide to accommodate him and my hands find the headboard to stop myself from falling. He doesn’t linger, his tongue lashing out against my clit, drawing more pleasure than I deserve right now.

“Oh, God, Jesse.” My head rolls back as need pulses from within me. Jesse’s grip tightens at my hips as he pulls me down harder against his mouth. “Fuck,” I groan, starting to sound like Jesse and his filthy mouth as I grind my pussy on his face.

He growls his approval, the sound vibrating against my core, urging me to work faster.

“Yes,” I moan, his fingers digging into the flesh of my thighs. I don’t want it to end. I want to stay like this forever, sitting on Jesse’s face while he makes me come undone.

“Jesse, I—” I pant, the wave hitting me hard before I can finish my sentence. It only pushes Jesse further, his tongue lashing at me harder, faster and more brutally as he feasts on me like a starved man.

Jesus, can he breathe down there?

The thought hits me fast, before being replaced with another wave of pleasure. “Jesse, I’m gonna go again,” I prepare him, finding the rhythm in my hips. His own rhythm changes, a more demanding force takes over—owning and claiming me. “Yes, right there, Jesse. Don’t stop,” I beg, riding him with uninhibited movements in my search for release. Taking over, he holds me down, his grip tight and controlled.

“Hmmm,” he growls again, words not needed. I know he’s enjoying this. The way his mouth is devouring me, his enjoyment apparent with each lick and suck.

“Too much, Jesse, it’s too much,” I plead, as another wave builds. Did the last one even end?

He doesn’t let up, so instead, I try something else. “I need you, Jesse, need your cock.” I look down and watch as his eyes change instantly. A new power of possession washes over them and before I can even blink, he pushes me down his body, lifts me up, and lines his cock up with my entrance. I gaze down our bodies, waiting patiently for the moment we connect.

“Bell, look at me,” Jesse demands, breaking my stare.

My eyes travel up his body, over his abs, his hard chest, his wet mouth, to his eyes. I don’t even have a minute to be embarrassed that I’m coating his chin; I’m locked into his eyes. “Wanna see your face when I slide in, sweetheart,” he says while lowering me down onto him.

“Ahh.” I force my eyes to stay open and not be drawn in to the moment of unease. He controls my hips, lowering me slowly down his length. I want to say it’s perfect, but the new angle has me tense. What if I can’t do this?

“Relax, baby, you’re doing good,” Jesse encourages. I know I probably look like a deer in headlights, but I can’t help it. Everything is still so new.

“Jesse, you know I’ve never…” I find myself making excuses, but I know there is no need. Not with him.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna teach you,” he says and my stomach clenches. I like that. A lot.

“Jesus, you feel so good, baby,” he moans and I find myself wanting to roll my hips.

“Bell, keep still or this will be over before I even get to show you how I like it.”

“What, you don’t like this?” I tease, digging deeper and rolling my hips again. His hold on my hips tightens, stopping me from moving.

“I’m not kidding, Bell. I’m in over my head with you, woman. Keep fucking still or I’m gonna blow my load like a horny sixteen-year-old.” I smile at his comment but don’t try to push it.

“Quit smiling too. It’s only making this harder,” he scolds and I can’t help but laugh.

“Jesus, fuck, don’t laugh, you’re practically milking my cock.” I close my mouth shut and try to keep it in. Keeping a straight face, I gather myself and wait for Jesse to sort himself.

“Good girl. I’m gonna start moving now. You tell me if it’s too much,” he gently coaxes while lifting his hips. Nodding, I force myself to relax and let my body go, allowing him to take me anyway he wants.

There’s something intimate about our position—him under me looking into my eyes, his hands controlling our movements.

“This is nice,” I sigh, catching his rhythm and meeting him with a roll of my hips.

“Nice?” he grunts, moving me higher off his cock then slamming me back down.

“Jesus,” I moan. Heat hits my face and a new kind of ecstasy spirals toward me.

“Thought so.” Jesse smirks, but I don’t have it in me to comment. I’m too lost in the moment of this new wave of desire. Warmth swirls around me. My breath shortens and my mind fogs in its own mist of satisfaction. I’m lost in the moment. Lost in Jesse helping me ride to orgasm.

“Fuck me, you’re so fucking beautiful. I could sit here and watch you ride my cock all day, Bell,” he murmurs while I’m in the throes of my orgasm.

“Hmmm,” I moan in answer, not caring if I make a lick of sense. I never want this to end.

“My girl has a greedy pussy. I fucking love it.” Jesse chuckles, his thrusts growing faster.

“And I love you,” I reply, throwing my head back. Jesse’s body tenses under me and instantly, I realize what I said. “I mean I love you doing this. Don’t stop,” I scramble, wishing I could take it back.

“Bell, I can’t.” Time stands still after those three words and I’m left trying to bring myself back.

“I didn’t mean it, Jesse, I swear,” I lie. Panic washes over me, replacing my exhilaration with dread. He holds my stare for a few more minutes before taking my waist and slamming me back down on him. I squeal out in surprise before need takes over again. I knew I just messed up, but it was a slip. I don’t really love Jesse. It’s lust. I wouldn’t even know what love is. I shake off the insecurity that’s burning my skin.

“You don’t love me, Bell,” Jesse punches out each time he slams me down.

“No, I don’t, Jesse,” I agree, nodding along.

“Don’t fucking say that again,” he orders, his breath shortening.

“I promise, I won’t,” I answer, watching his biceps tense. His hold becomes painful but I don’t complain. I need this connection with him.

“Good, ‘cause I can’t love you back, Bell.” His words slam into me with brutal force, puncturing the protective layer around my heart and shattering it. Immediately, he shouts out his release and comes undone. Forcing my embarrassment down, I roll my head back, shut down my mind, and urge myself to be swept away in the moment. I knew deep down it wouldn’t be possible. His pleasure now brought me pain, but I did it anyway.

And I did it knowing things would never be the same.