Текст книги "Desertion"
Автор книги: River Savage
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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 23 страниц)
Eighteen BELL
“I should go check on him.” I turn back to Conner, wishing I understood what Jesse was going through.
“Leave him. He needs space when he gets like this.” I nod, knowing what he means.
“So tell me, Bell, how long have you been together?” He points to the chair, motioning for me to sit down again. I only hold back for a second, knowing Jesse won’t talk anyway.
“Oh, we aren’t together,” I rush out and take a seat. As much as I’d like to call Jesse mine, I don’t think he would appreciate it. Especially when he told the nurse we weren’t together.
“He’s never brought a woman to meet me before.”
“Does he come visit often?” I ignore the flutter in my stomach knowing I’m the first girl Jesse has brought to meet his friend.
“Only when I’m here.” He laughs, but it’s not light.
I nod, looking around the room “Are you here a lot?”
“More times than I’d like to count. Hopefully after this visit, I can finally get my life back.” I nod, hoping he gets his wish.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not even beginning to understand what he must live through.
“Has he ever talked about what happened that day?” he asks carefully.
“Jesse doesn’t talk about anything,” I tell him on a laugh. It’s hard enough getting him to talk about his family.
“Typical,” he scoffs. “He thinks he’s to blame, but the truth is if he wasn’t there, I would have died. He saved me. He saved himself, and he saved me. I wanted to give up. Fuck, it would have been easier, but the fucker wouldn’t let me.”
I don’t know what to say, so I nod. I can imagine Jesse being a proud Marine, feeling guilt for what happened to his friend. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
“I don’t understand him.” I sigh. Hearing Conner’s story, I can understand why he would feel a sense of guilt, but to this degree?
“His father, have you met that sonofabitch?” Conner asks.
“Only briefly, a few months ago.” I remember the hard man I met when Jesse was in the hospital. I know Jesse and his father are not on good terms at the moment, but getting any information out of Jesse is like pulling teeth.
“Oh, so you know the asshole is a piece of work. He fucked him up bad. I don’t know the full story, but I do know Jesse is the way he is, because of him. War just fucked with him a little more.” I let the words hang between us for a moment. What sort of life has Jesse lived if war only fucks you up a little more…
“I’m not scaring you, am I?” Conner laughs when I look up.
“Ha! Barely,” I lie, not really sure how I feel. It doesn’t take much to see Jesse has some serious issues. But it’s the issues he doesn’t talk about that worry me.
“You telling stories about me again, fucker?” Jesse walks back in, halting any more talk of him.
“Nah, just trying to hit on your girl.” He teases. I tense at Conner’s jab and wait for Jesse’s reaction.
“Good luck with that. Took me a few times to get her to smile.” Jesse looks over at me. I raise my brows and watch him challenge me. The fact he doesn’t shut down Conner’s slip makes me happy, but I know we are a long way from any sort of labeling.
“That’s because you’re not funny,” I joke back, hoping to relax him a little.
“Oh, those are fighting words.” Conner looks between Jesse and me.
“What?” I ask Jesse when he pouts.
“You don’t think I’m funny?” He looks put out, but he knows his lines sometimes get me to crack.
“Sometimes. You’re definitely not as funny as you like to think you are.”
“Damn, I like this girl. Can I have your number?” Conner asks and the room goes quiet.
“Conner,” Jesse warns, the air changing between them.
“What? Bell told me you weren’t together.” He gives me a wink before turning to look at Jesse. “Unless you are?” he adds.
“Bell, we gotta head out.” Jesse ignores him and turns to me.
“Oh, okay.” I stand, expecting this kind of reaction. “Have you got a pen? I’ll give you my number, Conner. We’ll arrange a time to chat when Jesse isn’t being a rude jerk.” I move closer to his bed.
“You are not giving him your number, Bell,” Jesse stretches out his words and delivers them with a warning I’m not going to follow.
“This is too good.” Conner snickers between us.
“Why not, Jesse?” I ask, annoyed at his rudeness. He’s the one who brought me here, and now he’s acting like I’m doing something wrong.
“Yeah, Jesse, why not?” Conner repeats, clearly liking this exchange. He sits up a little more excited than he has been since we arrived.
“Bell, we gotta go, now.” He ignores both of our questions, but I’m not going to let him push me around. He brought me here, and for whatever reason, it’s not the outcome he wanted. I’m not going to let him pull away anymore.
“And I’m saying goodbye to Conner.” I scribble out my number. “It was nice to meet you.” I pass him the card knowing full well I’m playing with fire.
“You too, darlin’.” He winks and Jesse growls behind us. The undertone of his displeasure isn’t lost on me.
Ignoring Jesse I move toward the door.
“I’ll come back tomorrow. Betty just told me you’re getting fitted with your new prosthetics.” Jesse tells Conner who nods in reply.
“Yeah, can’t fucking wait. So don’t come back in a mood either.” Jesse doesn’t reply, just nods then turns.
“Bye, Bell.” Conner taunts as Jesse pushes me out the door. He doesn’t stop pushing as we head down the hall, and out of the doors we first entered.
“You’re rude,” I finally say when we make it out to his bike.
“I’m rude? I wasn’t the one trying to poach my buddy’s girl.”
“Your girl?” I pull on his hand, forcing him to stop.
“You know what I mean.” He brushes his slip up off, but I’m not letting him off the hook.
“No, I don’t know what you mean, Jesse. Please explain.” I fold my arms across my chest and watch him falter under my stare.
“Get on the bike, Bell.” He ignores my request, but that’s not enough for me.
“Jesse.”
“Bell, don’t push it.” I hate that he keeps pushing me away whenever we take one step forward. I know it’s hard for him, but all I ask is for honesty. If it’s too much, I can step back. But I don’t even know what he’s feeling, or where we’re at.
“You’re a confusing man, Jesse Carter.”
“I know, sweetheart. You’re learning.” I shake my head when he graces me with one of his my-way-or-no-way smiles. I climb on the back of his bike, wishing he would give me more, but knowing this is all I’ll get.
“Where are we going now?” I ask, checking the time. I still have a few hours before Mom will start to worry, and I’m glad. I’m not ready to go back yet.
“I want to take you back to the clubhouse, get you naked and taste that sweet pussy of yours again,” he says and my face instantly heats. “Any objections?” he asks and I feel my head shake no. “Good.” He smirks, then leans down and plants his lips on mine. I try to hold on to the kiss for as long as possible, but before I know it, Jesse’s pulling back and climbing on his bike. After placing our helmets on in silence, I wrap my arms around his middle and wait for him to take off. I might not be getting all of Jesse Carter, but from the get go, I’ve always said I’d be happy with whatever he’ll give me.
I need to let it be enough.
“Look who came back. Have a nice ride?” Sy asks when we walk back into the clubhouse.
“It was great thanks,” I answer, waving to Holly and Kadence. Jesse doesn’t answer and keeps moving us toward his room.
“You’re not going to hang and chat, Jesse?” Holly asks, her grin growing as Jesse’s scowl darkens.
“Need to get my own fucking place,” Jesse mumbles under his breath.
“We just have to get something,” I answer, not comfortable with letting the question hang in the air.
“She’s about to get something all right,” Sy says, and they all start laughing again, making Jesse pull me along faster. He keeps quiet as we move down the hall, his grip on me growing stronger the closer we get to his room.
“Jesse, what is wrong with you?” I try to pull out of his hold but he’s too strong.
“Fuck them.” He pushes the door to his room open and drags me inside. “On the bed, dirty girl. I need your pink pussy in my face now.” He starts toeing off his boots, barking his dirty words at me. Half shocked at his tone, half mesmerized by what they do to me, I stand frozen watching him.
“Bell, did you hear me?” he questions, snapping me out of my daze.
“Yes.” I start to kick off my shoes. I don’t know who this person is. The Bell I thought I was would never expect this sort of reaction coming from me, but being around Jesse, I can be myself. I can be the person I wish I was all the time.
“Then get that sexy ass on the fucking bed. I’m fucking hungry for your sweet pussy.” He steps into my space and I falter. My God, the man is so goddamn beautiful.
“Okay.” I swallow, lifting my dress over my head and dropping my panties. He follows, ripping his shirt over his head. My eyes find the dips in his stomach, his well-defined muscles only making me weaker in the knees. He drops his jeans and his thick cock springs free. It’s not the first time I’ve seen him naked, but I still take a minute to appreciate the view.
“You keep staring at me like that, I won’t be able to control myself.” Jesse’s voice breaks my stare. I look up at him, realizing I’ve been caught.
“Bra, Bell,” he urges and, this time, I don’t falter. Reaching back, I unclasp the hook, and let it fall to the floor.
“Good girl, now climb up on that bed slowly, sweetheart. I want to admire what I’m about to feast on.” He orders and I do as I’m told. Gathering confidence I never knew I had, I slowly crawl along his bed, knowing he stands there watching me.
“Spread those legs and point that ass up in the air, girl.” I feel him come up behind me. I know his face is right there, and I eagerly wait on all fours for his next order. “Jesus Christ. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so fucking beautiful that tastes just as fucking good.” He breathes me in and my stomach tightens. I know I’m not experienced or know what it’s like to be with another man, but an awareness flows through me, telling me with Jesse things will always be like this. “I’m gonna fucking savor this, sweetheart, so get comfortable. I’m not coming up for air for a while,” he promises, then his tongue is gliding over me.
It’s like the first time his head was between my legs. Only this time, I know what to expect. His tongue darts out flicking my clit, then moving back up to my entrance. The urge to move against him becomes too much. His hands push against my ass, spreading me wide-open, gaining easier access.
“Jesse,” I moan, feeling myself build. He moves back to my clit, while his finger finds my entrance. I buck as he draws circles through my wetness, before filling me. He pumps his finger inside me, and then hooks it, making me come undone.
“Jesse,” I cry out, not sure what just happened but it was different. More intense.
“Shhh, baby. Just go with it.” He goes back to playing with my clit. I relax into his face. Letting all the feelings sink in. My arms and legs tense as I feel myself starting to build once again. I know from the last few orgasms Jesse has given me, this is going to be huge, but I don’t have time to prepare before Jesse’s finger hooks again, pushing me head first into a hard and fast orgasm.
“Shitttt,” I scream out. The wave of heat and rapture hits me, and before I know it, my face is pushed down into the bed and Jesse’s cock is filling me.
“Jesus, fuck.” He grunts, pumping into me repeatedly. I wasn’t prepared for it, but welcomed him as he holds me by my waist, pushing into me over and over. Unrelenting, unforgiving and oh, so good.
“Oh, God. Feels so good.” His balls slap against me. He doesn’t relent, pushing deeper and faster into me.
“Touch yourself, sweetheart,” he commands, and like the good girl I am, my fingers find my clit, rubbing it hard and fast. “Don’t stop ‘til I tell you. Do you understand?” he asks after each stroke.
“I understand.” The wave builds again.
“So close, baby. Keep those fingers working,” he says and I nod into the bed, knowing what I have to do. “Now, baby, fucking hit it hard,” he demands, pulling out of me. I protest the absence of him, but my hand takes over, giving myself the pressure I need.
“Jesse, what—?” I begin to ask, before I feel the warmth of his cum coat my back, and the cries of his release over me. It’s all I need to push me over, following him into my release. He continues to moan above me, his cum covering my back.
“Mine.” I think I hear him whisper, but I can’t be sure. My orgasm ends and my arms and legs give out under me. Collapsing to the bed, I let my breath come back to me.
“Stay there,” he orders, moving off the bed, and fetching a washcloth.
I stay face down, Jesse’s cum coating my back.
“Fuck me, woman. That was so fucking hot,” Jesse says, coming back and wiping away his cum.
“It was?” I ask, not getting what was so hot about it.
“It was.” He throws the cloth in the direction of the bathroom and pulls me closer to lay with him. He doesn’t rush to get dressed this time, so I relax against him, both of us naked. Both of us breathless. Both of us in sync with each other.
I roll into him and my hand rests on his bare chest. My eyes fall on his dog tags.
“You still wear them,” I ask, carefully touching them.
“Yeah, they remind me of what I nearly lost. What we take for granted.”
“I get that,” I tell him, lifting one of his tags up. His hand stops me and I release it. I know he doesn’t intentionally try to push me away; he’s just so used to behaving this way that he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it.
“Why did you take me to meet Conner today?” I ask after a few more moments of silence.
“I don’t really know.” His hand moves to his head, rubbing his brow.
“I think you do.” I call him out, hoping he opens up.
“You do, do you?” He turns into me, bending his elbow and leaning his head on his hand.
“I think in some kind of messed up way, you were testing me.” He doesn’t deny it, which only pushes me to believe that maybe I passed.
“Do you think you’ll ever get over what happened over there?” I ask, wondering what I’m dealing with. Sometimes he can be so distant that I begin to wonder what I’m doing wrong. I know he has nightmares. I saw one the first night I was in his room. He holds onto his guilt with Conner so tightly that it tries to suffocate him in his sleep.
“Will you ever get over what happened with Paige? Even if you find her?” he asks back, and I understand where he’s going.
“I just want you to be honest with me, Jesse. Whatever is happening here, I need honesty. Don’t push me away when you‘re upset or not dealing. I can handle anything if you’re honest with me.” I lay it out, and I know he gets me. It’s whether he can be truthful with me.
“I’ll always be honest, Bell. You don’t have to worry about that,” he says and I blindly believe him. Maybe later on it wouldn’t be enough, but for now it had to do.
We lie in silence, naked, with his promise between us. Soon my eyes feel heavy, but I don’t fight sleep as it takes me. It’s been a long day.
A ringing phone wakes me some time later. Jesse stirs, shifting me awake to reach for it.
“Hello?” His groggy voice answers and I find myself waking up. Shit, what’s the time? “What? Right now?” Jesse barks, sitting right up. I follow suit, knowing either I’m really late or he is.
“Shit, fuck!” he curses, standing to full height. “Fine,” he says before hanging up.
“What?” I ask when he bends to find his jeans.
“My brother is coming over.” He steps into them and pulls them up his legs.
“What’s the time?” I ask, searching the floor for my panties and dress.
“Just after five. We drifted off.” He picks up my bra and throws it to me. I take a calming breath, knowing I’m not going to be late for Paige’s birthday dinner.
“I really should get going, too.” I adjust my clothes then start on my shoes.
“Yeah, preferably before Jackson gets here,” he mumbles.
“Sure, okay,” I say, ignoring the sting of him not wanting me to be seen by Jackson.
“Not like that.” He reaches out and pulls me into his chest. “I mean, the asshole has already warned me off you. I don’t need his shit.”
“Jackson warned you off me?” I ask and start to laugh.
“Yeah, the asshole seems to be protective over you.” He takes my hand and walks us to his door. I’m ready to leave, and as much as I know have to go, I don’t want to.
“It’s sweet.” I shrug, as we walk down the hall to where everyone still sits around.
“Sweet my ass,” Jesse grumbles, ignoring his friends once again, and heading for the front door. I hold back and say goodbye to Holly and Xzavier.
“Bye,” I whisper kissing X’s cheek.
“Girl, we need a girls’ night. Drinks and talking. Lots of talking,” Holly whispers in my ear when she says goodbye. I nod, agreeing, hoping I can develop a stronger relationship with Jesse’s friends.
“Bye, guys.” I wave to the rest of the club and walk toward Jesse. He doesn’t say anything, just takes my hand and walks me to my car.
“Thanks for being there for me today, Jesse,” I say when we come to a stop.
“Always, sweetheart.” He leans down and kisses me gently. I let the touch of his lips linger before pulling back. “I’ll call you later,” he says, telling me our normal nighttime chats won’t end.
“Okay.” I go up on my toes reaching my mouth to his. He has to bend to receive it, and a thrill runs through me when he does. He glides his tongue along my lips, and I give him access only for him to pull back at the sound of a car horn.
“Fucking hell,” he grinds out, then steps back. I turn and watch Detective Jackson pull up beside me. Jesse steps back again, putting more distance between us.
“Hi, Jackson,” I greet him when he exits his car, angry eyes trained on Jesse.
“Hi, Bell. How have you been?” He steps up to us, his eyes leaving Jesse’s a short while to address me, but they track back to him almost immediately.
“Good. Really good.” I clutch my keys, eager to get out of Jackson’s stare. “Okay, I really should get going. I’ll speak to you later.” I smile at Jesse, wishing I could kiss him properly one more time, but feeling the tension between Jesse and Jackson, I know not to push it.
“Drive safe.” Jesse nods, his happy smiling face replaced with a stony stare.
“I will.” I wave and get in my car. The boys don’t move from their positions, Jesse’s eyes trained on mine, Jackson’s on Jesse. I back out slowly, and then turn, keeping my eyes ahead, hoping whatever is about to go down, isn’t over me.
Something tells me it is.
Nineteen JESSE
“What are you doing here?” I ask my brother as I watch Bell drive off. I’m annoyed she had to go, and I’m pissed Jackson fucking ruined our goodbye. I wanted her to stay, even if the boys were going to give me shit. I was enjoying having her in my bed, but she had to get back for dinner. I know her situation is fucked up. I know her family are dealing with their own shit, but keeping their twenty-three-year-old on a tight leash is seriously messed up.
“What the fuck are you doing with her, Jesse?” he starts on me. I wait till Bell’s car takes the corner before I walk back inside the club. Jackson stays close behind me. “You’re in too deep here, Jesse,” he adds when I don’t answer. “Are you even listening to me, fucker?” He taps me over the head when I stop at the bar.
“What?” I ask, rubbing the side of my head letting him have his play.
“Hey, Jackson.” Holly comes to stand by me to greet him.
“Hey, Holly, how are you?” He asks and it’s my chance to get away from him. I walk over to the pool table and set up for a solo game.
“I’m good. Really good.” She replies as I continue to set up.
“How are your mom and dad?” Holly asks as I take my first shot, but block out Jackson’s reply. I know whatever is happening with Mom and Dad is the reason he’s here tonight. I for one don’t give one fuck right now. They talk for a few minutes as I continue with my game.
“Jesse, we’re doing pizza for dinner, you down?” Holly interrupts my train of thought as I work on sinking my fifth ball.
“Yeah,” I say as the ball rolls into the top right-hand pocket.
“Shame Bell couldn’t stay.” She taps the side of the table before leaving to sit back with Sy and X over on the sofa.
“Bell was in a rush to head off?” Jackson moves closers and my hopes of letting this go flies out the window.
“It’s Paige’s birthday. Family does a dinner every year.” I shrug and take another shot.
“You’re fucking falling for her.”
“Who?” I act dumb. He’s right but I’m not about to let him know it.
“You’ve been spending a lot of time with her.” I look up from the table wanting to know how he knows who I’ve been spending my time with.
“How the fuck do you know what I’ve been doing?” I glare, but we both know he’s not going to answer. “Is there a reason you’re here, Jackson?” I move on, taking my last shot and sinking the eight ball.
“You’re gonna regret it.” He answers with another jab as I begin to set up another game. “You and I both know how this will pan out, Jesse. Why do you want to hurt her?”
“You have no idea what the fuck you are talking about, big brother.” I finally look up. I’m fucking done with this conversation and more importantly done with Jackson thinking he knows me.
“You fucking will. You think you’re being smart, getting mixed up with her, but what’s going to happen when you’ve had your fill? What are you going to do then? You’ll fucking break her.” He says everything I think about daily. I keep my face blank. I don’t need him knowing he’s hitting me low. “You’re not what she needs.”
“Are you fucking done?” My fist comes down on the side of the table. Holly and Sy stop talking and look over our way. “You don’t think I know this, Jackson?” Jackson’s hand comes to my shoulder, but I don’t need him trying to calm me. “Fuck off.” I shake him off and move around the table away from him.
“You okay, Jesse?” Sy stands, Holly following him closely.
“I’m good.” I nod, not needing everyone in on my shit. He returns my nod and tells Holly to follow him outside, giving us the space we need. Not that it will fucking help. If Jackson keeps pushing me, I’ll lose my shit and my brothers will all see it go down.
“You don’t talk about her to me again. You understand me? My fucking business, big brother.” I level my glare at him, urging him to push me.
“Fuck! Fine! What about Dad then? You ready to talk about that?” He moves on to another situation I don’t want to talk about. Not today. Not tomorrow.
“No and don’t ask me again. Is this all you came here for tonight? To bust my balls?” I ask him and go back to my game.
“What are you going to do when he dies?” His hand snakes out, scooping up the cue ball as it rolls past him.
“I don’t have time to think about that, Jackson. I’ve got a lot on my mind.” I brush it off. I never want to think about it again.
“Well, you’re gonna have to start thinking about it, Jesse. He doesn’t have much time.”
“Jesus, Jackson, I need fucking time!” I throw the pool cue down on the table, letting him get to me. Fuck! I just need some fucking peace.
“I’m only thinking about you, Jesse. How are you going to handle this shit when he’s gone? Have you thought about Mom? What about Bell? You can’t bring her in on this shit. Now is your chance to deal with all this.” I get what he’s saying, I even agree with the fucker, but I wasn’t lying when I said I had too much going on. I can’t just deal with this shit like him. Never have been the type to deal head on, I live in my head. I need time, something Jackson fails to deliver on.
“I’ll think about it, Jackson. Just don’t fucking push,” I tell him, starting to feel those walls closing in on me again.
“Fine, let me know when you decide.” He taps the pool table ending our conversation.
I shouldn’t have told him I would think about it, because the fucker will keep hounding me for the next week. I know I need to sort this shit out with my dad, but I can’t think about it right now. I can’t fucking think about him.
After Jackson leaves, I finish my game and head back to bed before any of my brothers ask me what’s happening with my dad. I contemplate calling Bell, letting her conversation soothe me, but I need time to think: think about my family, my father, and what the fuck I’m going to do. But I find after an hour, all I can think about is Bell.
Fucking hell.
“Hey, isn’t that the nurse you’ve been secretly crushing on?” Sarah asks beside me as I watch Bell laugh across the club with her friends. I ignore her, and continue to shoot daggers at Bell’s table, hoping she will finally look my way. It’s been a week since Jackson left the clubhouse delivering his ultimatum. I still haven’t made up my mind, even though I know what I want to do. I want to tell him to go fuck himself, tell him I don’t give a fuck, but if I’m being honest, it would be a lie. I haven’t seen Bell since she left, but I have spoken to her a couple of times. Our normal texting and nighttime chats have kept up. Which is why I’m surprised I’m seeing her tonight since she didn’t mention she was coming. I don’t know why I don’t just walk over there and say hi, and demand to know why she won’t look my way, but something is putting me off. I noticed her as soon as she walked in thirty minutes ago. At first, I was excited to see her, thinking she came for me, but as the minutes tick by, my excitement turns to anger. It’s not like I’ve got any claim to her. I made it clear when I shut down Conner’s remarks about her being mine. Yet now, there’s no denying I’m feeling some pent-up issues.
“Earth to Jesse.” Sarah snaps her fingers in front of my face, breaking my stare.
“What?” I ask, forcing myself to turn away.
“Holy shit, you like her,” Sarah accuses, catching on to my strange behavior.
“What?”
“Like, like her.” She fires a smile, having figured me out.
“Fuck off.” I go back to cleaning up the bar and keeping one eye on Bell.
“She keeps looking over here every time you look away. It’s so tragic.” She shakes her head and begins to walk away.
“She has?” I ask, wondering what she’s up to. If she knows I’m here, then why the fuck hasn’t she come over?
“No, but that just proves I was right, you like her.” She pushes my arm as I decide to go find out. “Aww, don’t be sad, Jesse,” she calls after me, but I block her out. I’m going to find out what the fuck is happening and put an end to it.
I push through the crowd and walk up to her table. I decide I’m not going to think. I’m going to act. The table halts as I come to stand next to her. I don’t greet anyone; instead, I take Bell by the hand and pull her to her feet.
“What?” she answers flustered, but I don’t let her get another word out before I smash my lips against hers. She doesn’t fight me, opening as my tongue seeks access. I don’t know what I’m thinking; claiming her in front of every asshole here, but my body just takes over.
“Holy shit, I need a biker,” someone says at the table, but I don’t stop kissing. My hands find her waist and I pull her closer to me. The need to be inside of her grows stronger the longer we continue to kiss, but I can’t pull away. I don’t want to. I don’t ever want to stop.
Eventually, her hand pushes at my chest, breaking our connection and she steps back.
“What was that?” She looks up at me, her brown eyes drowning in arousal.
“That’s what happens when you walk into my club and ignore me for half an hour.” I take her hand, sit in her chair and pull her onto my lap.
“I w-wasn’t ignoring you,” she stutters, trying to stand, but I don’t let her. My grip on her tightens as she tries to shift.
“You didn’t look at me once,” I whisper closer to her, aware the whole table is quiet and staring.
“I didn’t want to seem needy,” she whispers back, which makes me laugh. Fuck me, she’s cute.
“Sweetheart, I would never see you as needy. If anything, I wish you were needier,” I tell her. Fuck, I should just give her my balls now.
“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to look.” She offers and it does something to me that I never knew possible. It soothes me. Ever since I found out about my father, a knot in my gut has been twisting, but when I’m around her, it loosens. It’s fucking dangerous, and I know I shouldn’t want her to soothe me, but I can’t help it. I need it.
“It doesn’t, but we can talk about it later when I put you on the back of my bike and take you home.”
“Umm, I’m staying with Lissy tonight.” She points and my eyes follow her gesture to a waving Lissy.
“Oh, hello, Jesse, I didn’t see you there,” she remarks and I can’t hold in my chuckle at her smartass remark.
“I like her.” I look back to Bell.
“I think she likes you,” she replies and I know she does.
“How are we all, ladies?” I ask the table, finally giving them my attention. They all answer enthusiastically with huge smiles, and I ask Bell to remind me of their names.
“This is Manda.” She points to the dark-haired girl to my left. “This is Kate.” She points to the cute blonde woman, who shyly waves back.
Yes, I remember this one.
“And of course, this is Lissy.” She points to the fiery redhead.
“Please! He didn’t forget me,” she jokes, before laughing at herself.
“I won’t forget now.” I smile at them. “What are you ladies doing out tonight?”
“Just a girls’ night,” Lissy answers. And the others all nod, still looking between Bell and me. I’ve watched them all talk and laugh the last thirty minutes, and now, they’re stunned silent.
“I think my friends are confused.” Bell turns to me and, this time, I laugh because I’m right there with them. I’ve never been so confused in my life.
“Are you staying for a drink?” Lissy asks, bringing me out of my head.
“No, I have to go back to the bar.” I look back and see Sarah is swamped. “I’ll be back. Don’t even think about leaving without me tonight.” I stand with Bell still in my arms.
“Put me down,” she squeals, so I kiss her to shut her up.
“Promise me,” I urge her.
“Okay, we’ll talk,” she concedes. I kiss her one more time, and then place her back on her feet.
“I’m watching,” I warn, turn, and then stalk back to the bar.
“Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Jesse?” Sarah asks when I walk back around the bar, but I can’t answer.
I don’t know who I am. I didn’t think I was capable of feeling anything more than what I have always offered, more than what I have ever been given. But having Bell come into my life has shown me that’s not true.
