Текст книги "Desertion"
Автор книги: River Savage
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Six BELL
“You jerked him off?” Lissy gasps and I know I shouldn’t have done this over the phone. I should have told her last night on our way home from the Knights Rebels’ clubhouse, but I was feeling sorry for myself. I just wanted to get home and shower. I refused to talk about what happened with any of the girls, and when I woke this morning, at Lissy’s house, I snuck home before they could drill me again.
“Ugh, yes.”
“Oh, my God, is he huge? Was it good? What else happened?” She keeps the questions coming, but I don’t answer. I’m too busy playing the night over and over in my head. I knew when Jesse walked up to the blonde I was losing my chance to talk to him. It was like watching him slip through my fingers. I thought my chance was gone, then Lissy managed to get the blonde away, and Jesse crashed into me. I wasn’t expecting him to come on to me. I knew he was drunk. I watched him throw back way too many drinks, but it didn’t stop me from letting him take me to his room. Didn’t stop me from turning back to watch him touch himself. And I definitely didn’t stop myself from touching him. It was as if my body was on autopilot and I had no control.
“Hello, Earth to Bell. What else happened then?” Lissy asks again, breaking my train of thought.
“Nothing.” I keep my answer vague, hoping Lissy will find it boring enough to keep to herself, because the last thing I need is for the others to find out what happened. “You’re no fun, so why didn’t you tell him it was you?” She keeps asking the questions I keep rolling around in my head.
“I don’t know. I thought it would be easier.”
“Did you ask him about Paige?”
“No.”
“Why not?” she pushes¸ and I know she has a point pushing me. Someone has to. I just did what I did, and for what?
“Because he was drunk. He passed out and when he woke up, he kicked me out. Can we not talk about it anymore?” I snap. “I don’t want to relive the moment of him kicking me out again. Once was enough.”
“Bell.”
“Listen, I have to go. My shift starts back in ten.” I look at the clock, wishing my break lasted longer than forty-five minutes.
“Dinner at my house tomorrow. Don’t be late. The Hundred is on,” she responds, letting it go and I’m thankful. I need more time to get my head around what happened last night.
“Yep, how could I forget,” I tease. I know how much she loves our dinner and TV show nights.
“Love you, Bell.”
“Yeah, me too,” I reply and hang up. Standing from my table, I put my trash in the bin and head back for the rest of my shift.
“Hey, Bell, there’s a guy out in reception looking for you,” Tracy, a fellow nurse says, walking past me.
“Okay, thanks.” I nod and make my way to the reception desk. I’ve been working at Rushford Hospital for the last two years. I love it here. The smaller town hospital means I get a little more hands on than what other nurses get at the hospitals in the city. We work on a rotating roster and so far, emergency is by far my favorite.
“What is this hospital run by beautiful women?” I hear a familiar voice ask before I even take the corner.
Jesse.
I roll my eyes but don’t stop walking. There’s no point in hiding. They have already told him I’m on tonight. And if I can guess, I know why he’s here.
“Can I help you, Mr. Carter?” I ask before Marla, the young blonde and extremely beautiful nurse, can reply.
“Nurse Bell,” Jesse turns his head my way and his smile slides off his face, “or should I say Grace?” His eyes narrow and my suspicions are correct. He knows. I square my shoulders ready for his anger.
“What are you doing here?” I ignore the twinge of guilt from lying to him.
“We need to talk.” He steps forward and his eyes find my bruised cheek. “Fuck, Bell.” His hand moves to my face.
“Don’t,” I punch out, not ready for his touch. His hand halts mid air; hurt flutters over his face before he quickly hides it. “Not here.” I pull back and motion to a spare exam room. He nods and follows close behind me in silence.
“What do you want, Jesse?” I ask when I close the door behind us. Jesse moves in, backing me against the door. He towers over me, and I have to tilt my head up to keep him in my sight.
“What sort of game are you playing?” he asks, his eyes piercing mine. Long gone is the fun, cheeky man I’m used to with his lame jokes.
“I’m not playing anything.” I swallow my unease, overwhelmed by his presence.
“Grace? What the fuck is that shit?” He waits for my answer but I don’t have one. Shit, he’s right. I was playing a game, a dangerous one.
“It’s my middle name,” I reply, hoping it excuses some of my bullshit, but I know it won’t. I messed up badly.
“Fucking hell, Bell. I fucked you and I didn’t know it was you. Do you know how fucked up this is?”
“Well, first of all, you didn’t fuck me.” I use his crass words back at him and cross my arms in front of me. “And second, it’s not my fault you didn’t recognize me.”
“We didn’t fuck?”
“NO!” I shout, louder than needed. As if my humiliation isn’t enough, I have to convince the man we didn’t have sex.
“Oh, thank God.” He steps back and takes a large breath.
“Geez, don’t sound so relieved,” I quip, the sting of his insult a whiplash, making me recoil.
“Not like that.” He smiles, stepping in closer, his eyes catching my bruised cheek again.
“I did this.” His fingers move to my chin, forcing my face to hit the light.
“No, it was an accident.” I pull out of his hold before I start to like it.
“Bullshit, I know I did it. I remember things.” He shakes his head as if parts of the night are still coming back to him.
“Forget it. It’s no big deal.” I brush the night off, hating how awkward this feels between us.
Jesse’s eyes narrow at my blatant dismissal of the night. “No, I wish I remembered everything, because I know we did something, and it’s a crime to forget whatever we did.” He rests his head to mine and for a moment, we share an intimacy deeper than what happened last night. I don’t respond; instead, I let myself have the moment. What ever is going on between Jesse and me is only a fleeting moment. I won’t let myself get too deep.
“You willing to re-enact it for me, wearing this cute nurse’s outfit?” He breaks the moment. Warmth heats my face, and knowing he can see it, pushes me deeper into a red blush.
“Please, the lines need to stop,” I tell him, secretly liking them more and more. “I have to go back to work.” I try to move, but his body stops me from pushing off the wall.
“Why did you come to the club last night? Dressed like you were?” It’s a chance to tell him all about my plan, about Paige and how he might be able to help, but standing here now, I second-guess everything.
“No reason.” Another lie.
“Don’t lie to me. I want the truth, Bell.”
“It’s stupid. It’s over so forget about it.” I wish it were true, but there is no way I can tell Jesse.
“No, it’s not over. You’re not leaving this room until you tell me.” We hold each other’s stare for what feels like minutes, but in reality, it’s only been seconds before I cave. What’s wrong with me? I’m weak.
“Fine,” I huff. “I wanted to see if I could hire you. I didn’t plan on tricking you. The girls dressed me up, and when you didn’t recognize me, I felt braver talking to you,” I rush out and cringe as confusion etches every inch of his beautiful face.
“Hire me?”
“Hire the Knights Rebels,” I elaborate.
“Sweetheart, you don’t have to hire me or any of my brothers.” His smirk is full of confidence and lust, completely not understanding what I meant.
“Not like that, you idiot. I want to hire you to help find my sister.”
“Your sister?” He looks more confused and I know I’m not explaining myself properly.
“Yeah, umm, she’s missing.” The lump, which lives permanently in my throat whenever I talk about Paige, restricts my breathing. “I thought you might be able to help me.”
“We don’t really do that sort of thing, Bell.” He crushes my hope with one sentence.
“It’s just Lissy told me your club helps out people who need it,” I rush out, hoping Lissy didn’t get it wrong.
“We do. We help a few groups, but this sounds a bit different. How long has she been missing?”
“Six years,” I whisper. “She didn’t come home from work one night. She just vanished.” It still seems so fresh, so new, and brings tears to my eyes remembering the night.
“It’s not really our deal,” he repeats, and the small amount of hope I was holding onto flies away.
“I understand.” I try to keep my disappointment hidden but he notices.
“My brother, he’s a detective. Maybe I can have a word with him,” he offers, and the glimmer of hope ignites again.
“You would?” I ask, more excited than I should be. The local sheriff’s department were great to begin with, but as the years have gone on, they seem to have lost interest. Maybe a fresh set of eyes will help.
“Yeah, we can put some feelers out as well. Ask if anyone knows anything,”
“Oh, God, Jesse, that would be amazing.”
“I can’t promise anything, but we can see if anyone knows something.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but to me it’s huge.
“Thank you.” I step into him and throw my arms around him. He takes my arms, breaking my embrace and steps back.
“On one condition,” he adds, halting my excitement.
I stop and look up. “One condition?” I repeat back to him.
“You give me a do over, one night.”
“A do over?” I know I’m repeating everything, but I’m trying to process it all. He might still be able to help, but on one condition. Is he propositioning me? “You want me to sleep with you?” I gather my assumption and put it back on him.
“Don’t sound so shocked. I‘ve made it clear how much fucking you would please me, Bell.”
“Please you?”
“One night. One night and I’ll help you find your sister,” he repeats, and I have to shove down the unease forming in my stomach.
“I won’t sleep with you, Jesse, if that’s what you’re asking.” I need to make myself clear. I can’t. There’s no way. Would I?
“Who said anything about sleeping, Bell?”
“A date?” I ask, unsure what he’s implying.
“I don’t date either.”
“Well, I don’t fuck, as you put it so charmingly,” I counter, not getting where he’s heading. He holds my stare before a broad smile crosses his face.
“Are you sure, Bell? In my dreams, you fuck real good.”
“Ugh, your lines are not impressive, Jesse,” I tell him, almost laughing at how lame he is. He shrugs, as if he doesn’t care and holds my stare. I don’t budge, knowing I’m not ready for what he’s suggesting. I might have walked way out of my comfort zone over the weekend, but it was a one-time deal. Nothing else.
“Fine, a date,” he finally agrees, conceding to my terms, but I know his game. Jesse Carter might say he doesn’t play games, but the man is the biggest player around.
“No sex,” I add, shutting it down before it it’s thrown on the table.
“Never say never, Bell,”
“I didn’t say never. I said no.” I keep my face straight and will any blushing away.
“You won’t be saying no by the time I’m done with you. That’s a promise.” I try not to think about his promise, but questions start to creep in. Would I let this man between my legs? My head says no but my body doesn’t know what to think about it right now. How far am I willing to go for Paige? Could I sacrifice this part of me? I shake my head clear of thoughts of Paige. This is more than Paige. This is on me. I might not be ready to admit it, but as much as I want to say it’s for her, I’d be lying.
I just need to remember the bigger picture here.
Paige.
I will do anything for her.
Anything.
Seven Jesse
“So, do you think you can put the word out?” I ask Beau the next day after our weekly club meet. I left Bell at the hospital yesterday relieved I didn’t fuck her, but also disappointed. I don’t know what my hang up with her is about, but it’s like every time I get near her, my brain short circuits and I forget she is not my type at all.
“I’ll put the word out, but if I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Six years is a long fucking time. Any info I get or Tiny gets, might not be accurate.” I nod, understanding what he’s saying, but I know Beau; he’ll do his best to get what he needs.
“Just see what you can find out,” I say, knowing it’s going to be a waste of time, but I would feel like an asshole for telling Bell I would help, to then not follow through.
I shouldn’t have gone after her yesterday. I should’ve ignored myself when I thought it would be easy to talk face-to-face with her. I went to her pissed, ready to rip her a new one for fucking with me, but left agreeing to help her. When she told me her situation, I knew I was fucked. I don’t know why I felt the need to bargain with her. If I’m being honest, I would’ve helped regardless. The way she looked up at me telling me about her sister, all-innocent, and me turning it into a chance to get in her pants just proves what an asshole I really am.
“What’s this about?” Sy asks, catching the last few lines of our conversation.
“Paige Johnson, you remember her?” I ask, surprised Beau knew the name when I asked.
“Name doesn’t sound familiar.” Sy stops to think.
“He wouldn’t have been around. She went missing six years ago. Never came home from work.” Beau fills him in. “Police think she ran. Family is adamant she didn’t.”
“What’s it got to do with us?” Sy looks between the both of us.
“Bell is Paige’s sister.”
“Bell?”
“Nurse Bell,” Beau explains.
“Oh, I see.” Sy smirks, and I know I’m about to get it.
“You don’t see anything,” I tell him, not in the mood to justify asking for Beau’s help on this.
“You have her in your bed one night, next you got the club in on her shit,” Sy responds.
“You got it twisted, bro.” I hate that he might be right.
“Seems like she’s got you twisted.” I know he’s fucking with me, but he’s wrong. The only thing that’s got me twisted is the fact that Bell’s sister has been missing for six years.
“If we can help her, why shouldn’t we? How would you feel if Holly went missing?” I feel myself getting worked up and I need someone to take it out on.
“Bit different. She’s not some fuck I nailed and kicked out. But I feel ya.”
“Fuck you, Sy.” I get in his face, but he just laughs in mine.
“Relax, bro, just fucking with you.” Sy slaps me on the back but it doesn’t calm me. I might be a player, might want to bury myself in any woman who has a sweet pussy and big tits, but I’m not helping Bell find Paige for those reasons. Aren’t I? Fuck, I don’t even know anymore. I fucking want to say I’m a good guy, the kind of man who would do anything to help find a lost woman, but what is really happening here?
“Oh, how the tables have turned,” Sy taunts and it pisses me off. Fuck, this is what it’s like when I hang shit on them.
“Take a breather, Jesse,” Beau orders, and I nod listening to my VP. “I’ll keep you posted. Got a meet with Tiny this week.”
“Thanks,” I say and move from the bar toward the exit. I have a meet with my brother anyway. I don’t need Sy’s shit. “Later,” I call, not waiting for a reply.
“He’s so doing this for pussy,” I hear Sy say as I turn the corner. I don’t stop to defend myself. He can think what he wants. I might have twisted whatever I needed to twist in order to get Bell to go on a date with me, but had she turned me down, I still would be putting my feelers out. Deep down, when I really think about it, I fucking know that. I also know a date is the last thing this woman needs, but fuck, I can’t help but take what I need. If it were any other woman, I’d agree with Sy. Hell, I know I wouldn’t need to ask for a date or waste the time to take her out and feed her. I’d just bring her back here and fuck her senseless. But with a woman like Bell, I know I need to dig deeper.
So why am I doing it?
Who fucking knows. I’m an asshole. That’s all there is to it.
“You been well?” my older brother Jackson asks an hour later as the waitress places the food down in front of us.
“Yeah, same shit different day.” I shrug, taking a bite of my burger. He nods, taking in my reply before picking up his own burger. The tension between us grows as we eat in silence, neither of us really sure how to talk to each other. I can’t even remember the last time I haven’t felt tension between us. It’s like it’s always been there, and nothing we do, or say takes it away.
“You?” I ask, taking a sip of my drink and wait for his standard reply.
“Busy. Work is crazy.” I nod, holding back an eye roll. Same shit every time. “You speak to Mom lately?” he adds, and I’m not surprised.
“Not for a couple weeks. Why?”
“You know she worries.” He stops eating and levels his stare on me.
“Jackson,” I warn, hating when it always comes back to this. Always back to this shit with my family.
“You need to pull your head out of your ass, Jesse.”
“That’s rich coming from you. Must be fucking lonely up on that high horse of yours.” I drop my burger and sit back. When it comes to our family issues, it always comes back on me. I’m the black sheep of the family, and as much as I love them, fuck, they piss me off.
“Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?” he spits, but I don’t want to hear it today.
“Don’t fucking start, Jackson. It’s not the reason I called to meet up.” I keep my fist clenched under the table. If he keeps up with his fucking attitude, it will connect with his fucking face.
“She worries.” He pushes like I knew he would. It always comes back down to what Mom would think.
“Did she ever worry when he was beating my ass? Putting me down?”
“Don’t start this shit again, Jesse.” He shakes his head. But he doesn’t get it. He didn’t have it like I did. “It’s just the way he is. You know this. He lives by structure. You have to understand, Jesse, all the shit Dad did was years ago. He’s a changed man.”
“I’m a former Marine. I fucking know structure, asshole.” I hate it when he puts it back on what Dad went through. Explaining away his abuse because he saw some fucked-up shit.
“Jesse, the shit he’s seen, dealt with, you know it hasn’t been easy.”
“You don’t think I’ve got shit to deal with? What I lived through hasn’t affected me? I fucking did seven years for him. I fucking lost everything to make him happy. You see the asshole happy? No, ‘cause I’m still a fuck-up to him. Jackson, there’s more than you fucking know, so don’t defend the asshole to me. There’s only so many times he can blame his career for being a shit father.”
“He’s better. He’s doing better.” He tries a different angle, but I’m not buying into it. The man means nothing to me. I’m done trying to win his attention.
“Better? Well, good for fucking him. It doesn’t make the years he fucked up better. Jackson, I’m not talking about this.” I shake my head, trying to forget all thoughts of my father. “I need your help.”
“What’s new?” He sighs, going back to his food.
“Fuck off. We help you a lot.” I put it back on him. He scoffs but he knows it. The Rebels have helped Jackson on a few cases, and vice versa. We might have questionable ways of doing things in the club, but Jackson can’t deny it’s a two-way street with us.
“What do you need?” He drops the guilt trip and I’m thankful. I can’t talk to him about Dad.
“Paige Johnson,” I say and watch him stop eating and sit a little straighter. “You know who I’m talking about?”
“Everyone knows Paige Johnson. Been an open case for six years. Worked on it for a few years before I moved out of town. The whole thing never sat well with me.”
“So you don’t think she ran?” I ask, wondering why Bell thinks the police say Paige ran.
“I don’t think she ran. A few others have their opinion, but we’ve always hit a dead end. Why are you asking about her?”
“Her sister.” I go back to my burger, my appetite coming back.
“Bell?”
“You know Bell?” I tense, waiting for his answer.
“Yeah, she’s been very active in trying to find Paige.” I nod, picturing Bell doing everything she could to help find her sister.
“Why are you asking about Bell?” He watches me carefully. The air around us changes and the vibe I’m getting off him isn’t good.
“She’s asked for help,” I shrug, knowing he won’t accept my blasé answer.
“No, Jesse, leave this alone. You’re in way over your head here.” He shakes his head, but I’m not going to listen to him.
“Can’t leave it alone, Jackson. Bell asked us to step in. We’re gonna try to do what we can.” He shakes his head again and I’m starting to see a pattern.
“What’s your relationship with Bell?” He changes tactic, but I pick up on it.
“She’s a friend.” I shrug, not prepared to label what Bell and I have. What do we have? I have broken visions of her jerking me off, me being an ass to her, and then blackmailing her into a date. Does that qualify as friends?
“Jesus, Jesse. She’s a good girl. Comes from a good family. She doesn’t need you messing her up by getting her involved with the Rebels.”
“Because we’re scum?” My back straightens, ready to defend my club. He’s right. Bell is a good girl, but she doesn’t have to be worried when it comes to the Rebels. It’s rather me she has to be worried about.
“No, because she’s innocent. Plus, her whole family is messed up.”
“Jackson, I appreciate your concern, but you know me, I’m not interested in innocent,” I lie, knowing innocent has recently become my preferred taste.
“Good.” He nods, buying into my lie. “She really doesn’t need your shit.” He gives a final jab, but I don’t let his judgment of me rub me wrong. I’m used to it. I love my brother, but like my father, he’s set in his own ways. The way we were raised is how he lives his life. I do not.
“So what do you know?” I asked, hoping he will shed some light.
“I’ll have to check the file, but from what I can remember, we don’t have much.” He sighs. “Paige was sixteen when she didn’t make it home that night after work. Her father was meant to pick her up, but she texted saying she had a lift with her boyfriend. When police interviewed her boyfriend, no plans were made. She finished work, left through the staff entrance, and she was gone.”
“Bell believes she’s still alive,” I say, more inclined to believe her. I get the family will always hold hope, but the conviction in the way she believes it, is enough to pull me into her way of thinking.
“Her body hasn’t been found. Yet.”
“You think she’s dead?”
“No, I don’t know what I think. Last bit of evidence led to no leads. It’s a dead end.”
“Well, we’re putting some feelers out.”
“You’re not gonna do anything,” Jackson orders, but I don’t answer to him.
“I’m gonna try,” I counter knowing he will cave. As much as we piss each other off, we have each other’s back.
“I know you will.” He sighs before taking a sip from his drink.
“Your help would be appreciated.”
“You want my help, you come to games night this month.” He has me by the balls. Fucking games night.
“You remember what happened last games night?” I ask, thinking back to the last one I attended and the fight my father and I got into over playing a game.
“You two both need to get your shit together. And you need to not push him.”
“I don’t do any fuckin’ thing. He’s the one—”
“Mom wants you there,” he cuts me off, and of course he plays the mom card. “You want my help, you come.” Fuck. I’ve managed to keep my distance from that house over the years. Only needing to see my father at the bare minimum. Am I willing to cave and endure seeing him for Bell?
“Fine,” I nod, agreeing against my better judgment. If it means he’ll help us, I’ll do it one time. One time for Bell. I’m already fucking bending rules for the nurse. I can see myself getting in too deep. Getting messed up in the shit that comes with a woman like Bell. But does it stop me? Fuck no. After everything I’ve been through, I still don’t know when to fucking step back.
“Good.” His smile bleeds victory, but I don’t know why he’s so happy. Knowing my family, he won’t be smiling next week.
