Текст книги "Desertion"

Автор книги: River Savage

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I hang back in the corner, watching Jesse as he sits at the bar and shoots back drink after drink.

“If you don’t talk to Jesse soon, he’ll be too drunk to talk.” Manda pushes me forward, but I’m not ready. I need more time.

“Not yet.” I shake my head and step back.

Oh, gosh, why does it have to be so hard?

He throws another drink back, then Hunter hands him a beer, before he stands and moves outside. I should follow him, but I don’t. I’m too nervous.

“Right, that’s it. You need alcohol.” Lissy walks up, grabs my hand and drags me to the bar.

“No, Lissy.” My head shakes as fast as the words come rushing out. I’m not willing to let my defenses down. I rarely drink. I hate the way it makes me feel. I’m not about to start now.

“This is why we came here, Bell. Don’t chicken out now,” Manda tries to encourage me but it’s not working.

“Just let him relax a little, okay?” I ask, trying to give myself time.

“Fine, you’ve got twenty minutes, or I’m going up to him myself.” She turns and heads back to the pool table.

“Twenty minutes,” I say, attempting to build myself up.

You can do this, Bell. For Paige. I think to myself.

You have to do it.

Five Jesse

I shut off my bike and look around the parking lot of the clubhouse compound. The normally quiet area is buzzing with cars, bikes and people tonight, but for the first time in years, I’m not in the mood. I just spent the last few hours in physical therapy, trying to get my goddamn ankle back to where it was a few months ago. I’m frustrated, pissed, and the first thing on my mind is a beer or three. Walking along the gravel lot, I scan the area checking out the talent in tonight. There’s never a shortage of women hanging around the Rebels’ clubhouse, but since Nix and Sy have both settled down, it’s put a damper on the women walking through the doors.

“Hey, Jesse.” Hunter nods when I walk up to the bar. He places a shot of whiskey in front of me knowing exactly what I need. “How’d it go today?” he asks, noticing my limp.

“I’m gonna need another shot before answering.” He nods again, not fully understanding but not pushing either. Hunter is newly patched. He’s a good guy, young but loyal.

“Busy night?” I spin in my stool and notice the club is louder than normal.

“Yep, got an influx tonight. Your type too.” His smirk tells me my night is about to change.

“Fuck yeah.” I take stock of who’s in before turning back and motioning for another shot. My hand reaches for the pills my doctor prescribed me, and I pop two instead of one for good measure. New women in the club? My mood just picked up. With the way my ankle is throbbing, I’m gonna need some loosening up.

“Who’s here?” I watch him fill my glass with a double shot. Good man.

“Sy and Nix are in tonight.” He indicates to the back door letting me know where they are.

“Both?” I ask, shocked they’re here. Kadence just had a baby and Holly is very pregnant.

“Yep.” He fills me up a third time and I throw it back quicker than the first. My plan tonight is to hit it hard, numb out the pain of what hours of physical therapy does to me, and then hopefully sink in to some tight pussy. This is my preferred medication.

“Another,” I say, starting to feel the alcohol warm my blood. He doesn’t refill me like I expect him to, but rather hands me a beer. I can see the concern in his eyes, and instead of arguing with him and leaving myself open to questions, I take the beer and stand. “Be back,” I tell him as I walk around the length of the bar heading out to where the rest of the crew is hanging.

“Where the fuck you been?” Nix slurs when I walk out and pull up a seat.

“Fucking doctors,” I tell him, not going into details of how fucked I’m feeling. I don’t know why I don’t share with them. The Knights Rebels are my family, more than my own blood, but I don’t need their pity. They don’t need to know my struggle. “What the fuck you doing here?” I look around for his wife, Kadence.

“Needed a fuckin’ break,” he shrugs like its no big deal but I know it’s not true.

“Where’s Kadence?”

“Home.” He finishes his drink and picks up another.

“Kids?” I push, knowing they are going through some shit, but I’m still concerned for my friend and mainly for Kadence. Kadence and I met five years ago, at one of the group therapy sessions I hold down at the burn unit. I might not be able to be a firefighter, but I still like to help where I can.

“Just drop it, Jesse.” He ignores my question, which only concerns me more. The last few months' things have been tense. Kadence hit rock bottom before Nix stepped in, and I don’t know much about postpartum depression, but I do deal with post-traumatic stress, and seeing my friend suffer the way I suffer, breaks my heart. Seeing their family fall apart, and having our solid foundations rocked freaks me out. I can’t have them come undone around me.

“Are you okay?” I ask when his leg starts to bounce.

“Jesse, does it look like I’m fuckin’ okay?” He slams his fist down on the table, quieting everyone around us. “I’m fuckin’ outta here.” He stands on shaky legs, trying to catch his balance.

“You’re not going anywhere, boss.” Brooks stands and takes him by the arm.

“I need to go home,” he complains, pulling out of his hold.

“You need to fuckin’ think straight.” Red, Nix’s old man, grabs his other arm and takes him back inside, straight to his room.

“Anyone know what the fuck is going on?” I ask, looking to Holly and Sy.

“He’s just having a bad week,” Sy answers, rubbing Holly’s pregnant belly.

“Thought they sorted their shit?” I think back over the last two months and how far Kadence has come.

“They have. She’s getting there but it’s going to take time,” Holly answers, and I hope she’s right. This is the only solid family I have, I don’t need more fucked-up shit in my life. I take a pull of my beer and go back to scanning for some pussy. The last thing I need is to sit around this depressing shit all night.

“What’s up, Jesse? You seem tense.” Brooks comes back from helping Nix inside and takes his seat next to me.

“I’m not.” I shrug, catching the back of a group of girls standing over by the grill. Hello.

“How’s Jackson doing?” someone asks, but I stand, not in the mood for talking about my brother.

“Be back.” I wave them off, and move toward the women standing in a close group.

“Hello, ladies, you look lost.” I’m a little unsteady after those few shots and pills I popped, but it doesn’t stop me. Nothing stops me when I’m like this.

“Hi,” a short brunette smiles up at me, but she’s not my type, so I turn to dismiss her.

“This your first time in the club?” I look between the two other ladies.

“Yeah,” a blonde answers and I turn my attention to her. Now, this one is more my type.

“Can I get you a drink?” I move in closer to let her know I’m interested.

“Umm, sure,” she answers. I spy her girly drink and tell her I’ll be back. Walking back inside I head straight for the bar. I can still feel my foot aching so I throw back two more shots before getting another beer and heading back outside.

When I make it back out, the blonde is gone, so I turn to make sure I didn’t miss her inside.

“Ahhh,” a woman’s voice cries out when I spin and connect my elbow with her cheekbone.

“Oh, shit, sweetheart,” I say, placing the drinks on the table next to me to make sure she’s okay. Her palm covers her cheek and she looks up as I tilt her chin to the side to get a look at the damage.

“Fuck, you’re gonna have a shiner,” I tell her when I see the first signs of swelling flare up. I reach down and snag my beer, bringing it to her face and pressing it to her cheekbone.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching what I was doing.” She looks up like a deer in the headlights, and for a minute, I think I know her but I can’t place her.

“My fault,” I tell her, watching her more carefully. How the fuck do I know her?

“It’s okay.” She smiles before looking back down at her feet, and for the brief second when she gave me her smile, I feel myself getting lost in it. Jesus, I’m drunker than I thought if a smile on some bitch is messing with me.

My eyes follow the length of her, and my cock stirs at the short skirt and huge rack. “Have we fucked before, sweetheart?” I ask, getting it out of the way. The last thing I want is to try to pick up a woman I have already fucked. They know the score. I don’t mind going back for seconds if it's warranted, but tonight, I'm in for something new.

“No.” She sounds almost offended but I brush it off. She's in a biker club after all, wearing what she’s wearing. This bitch knows the score. She just wants to play hard to get. I don't chase. Ever. But this sweet little thing has my attention and I’m not about to let her get away like the blonde did.

I step closer into her space. Keeping my beer to her cheek, I lean into her ear. “Not in the mood for work tonight. You come with me, you’re gonna have to put in all the work.” I tell her as the room starts to spin. I should just call it a night, head to bed and let the meds take me to blissful ignorance, but the way she keeps looking at me is making it hard.

“Wh-What sort of work?” she stutters, keeping up the innocent act and it makes me laugh. It’s just what I need tonight. Taking her hand, I pull her toward me and start walking to my room in the back of the clubhouse.

“Where are we going?” She tries pulling her hand back but I don’t let her break the connection.

“Somewhere more private.” I turn the corner and push her against the wall.

“What?” She chokes on the word when I step into her space and pin her hands above her head. Jesus, she is a cute one.

Leaning closer, I bury my face into the soft side of her neck. She smells like strawberry shit you buy at the fair. “Cotton candy.”

“Cotton Candy?" she answers at the same time I ask and I nod, wondering how she knew what I was thinking.

“Jesse, wait.” She moans as I sink my teeth into her neck. The urge to taste her stops me from throwing her over my shoulder and taking her to my room. Wait, how did she know my name?

“I lied,” I tell her as I plant kisses along the soft skin of her jaw.

“You did?” She starts to pant and I grin against her skin.

I pull back, needing to see her face. “I feel like doing some work.” She blinks slowly, but before she can talk, my mouth is on hers, tasting, devouring, owning. She doesn’t fight it, easily letting me take control of the kiss, and if it doesn’t turn me on, I don’t know what will.

“Hmmm,” she moans into my mouth, and the reaction is just what I’m looking for. Moving my knee forward, I slide it between her legs, eager to have more of me touching her. She fists my cut as her hips start to roll against me, spurring me deeper into my own arousal. Fuck yeah, innocent yet responsive.

“Come with me.” I pull back, breaking the kiss and guide her the rest of the way to my room. “What’s your name?” I ask, pushing open my door, not even sure I want to know her name.

“You don’t know?” She stops in the doorway to ask.

“Sweetheart, if I had to remember each name of every woman who has come through my door,” I trail off when her face drops.

“What?” I ask, seeing her start to back out.

“I’m Grace.” She shakes her head apprehensively as a small smile plays on her mouth.

“You telling me or asking?”

“It’s Grace,” she repeats, nodding her head.

“Grace,” I let her name roll off my tongue and watch a small blush run over her cheeks. “Why do I feel like I know you, Grace?” I ask as the room starts to spin.

“I should go,” she whispers slowly stepping back.

“What?” I ask, confused at the complete turnaround. She pulls back as I reach out to grab her but my body stumbles. I need to lie down. Searching for the soft comfort of my bed, I let it take my fall.

“I really should go,” she repeats, but I can’t let her go just yet.

“Come here, Grace,” I demand when my head hits the pillow. Rolling my head to the left I force my eyes to stay open and watch her.

“You’re drunk,” she accuses and this time I laugh.

“I’m happy,” I counter, knowing it’s not really true. She laughs like she knows I’m full of it and for a minute, I stop and listen to the sound. “You have a nice laugh, Grace,” I sigh. “Come here. I won’t ask you again.” She moves to the bed, her eyes looking down at her feet. “Lose the skirt, sweetheart.” I turn and watch her hands tremble by her side.

Fuck, I swear I know her from somewhere.

“I, um,” she stumbles and her reluctance puts me off until her eyes move to my growing dick in my pants. Seeing the flash of arousal sweep over her I sit up and work the button of my jeans.

“Jesus, you’re a fucking dick tease,” I accuse her, pulling my jeans off and finding my hard cock standing at attention. “See what you’ve done to me, Grace?” I fist it, stroking it hard as I watch her eyes follow my movements.

“Oh, God, I have to go.” She stumbles on her feet before pushing the door open, leaving me with a raging hard-on and no one to finish me off.

“Fucking bitch,” I curse, contemplating dressing and going back out to pick some other whore or finishing myself off. Needing the release, I let my hand do the work instead and picture the small innocent woman sucking my cock. “Fuck,” I groan, a few pulls later trying to chase my release, but struggling to reach it.

A gasp brings my eyes open to find her standing in the doorway watching me.

“Oh, shit,” she curses this time, as our eyes lock and she realizes she’s been caught. She didn't leave.

“Come here,” I call but she doesn’t move. Her eyes stay glued to my hand, still fisted around my cock. “Come here, now,” I demand. This time she doesn’t hesitate. Slowly, she moves closer. My hand starts moving, pumping faster as she inches closer to watch me.

“Is this what you want? You want to watch?” I ask, seeing the arousal in her eyes. Her head slightly nods causing me to pump harder. My free hand reaches out, grabs her around the wrist and pulls her to me. She gingerly climbs up on my bed and I have every vision I could come up with, on what I would do to her in my bed, flash before me.

“Takeover, sweetheart.” I watch a shaky hand reach out to touch me. My eyes roll back at her soft touch as it encases my throbbing cock.

“Fuck, baby, pump me harder.” I lie back and let her do all the work, getting lost in the warmth of her delicate fingers.

“Jesse, I—” she starts, but I drown her out, too lost in the action of a good hand job. Fuck, when was the last time someone jerked me off?

“Shhh, baby. Don’t stop.” I feel my balls tense as my cock pulses. Shifting up, I reach for her; sliding my hand down her side, slipping underneath her short skirt and into her panties.

“Jesus, you’re fucking soaked,” I groan, sliding my finger through her wetness.

“This is wrong.” A soft moan dances past her lips just as my orgasm hits, my cum spilling out over her small hand.

“Oh, God!” she gasps as my finger finds her entrance, sliding into her tight pussy.

“Fuck, so tight.”

“Stop.” My hand stills, still inside her heat.

“Don’t freak out on me now, baby,” I say as my orgasm ends. She lets my cock go then moves back from me, breaking our connection. My body feels heavy, sated and relaxed. If I wasn’t three parts gone, I’d offer to finish her off. But keeping my eyes open seems to be a hard task.

Reaching over for a discarded shirt on the floor, I offer it to her, then I clean up my mess and throw it in the vicinity of my dirty clothes hamper.

“Come here. I’m not done with you, sweetheart, but I need to sleep for a bit.” I reach for her and pull her to me. She lets out a small yelp but I don’t hear her argue. Instead, I close my eyes and let sleep take me.

“No, no, no. Don’t you fucking leave me. Conner! Fucking stay with me.” I can see Conner’s eyes starting to lose their light. I wish I could go to him, fucking help him, but I’m pinned and I can’t get out.

“Sat-Con is down,” I hear someone call, and I fucking know my friend is dying in front of me, yet I can’t fucking get to him. We won’t get out of this alive.

“Breathe, Marine,” I order and I can see he is fighting it, but is it enough? “Fucking breathe or die, Conner,” I say, anger replacing my fear.

“Jefferies?” I call again, but I know we’ve lost him. Where the fuck is everyone?

“Fucking get us out of here!” I shout again, but I know it’s too late.

I wake in a sweat, heart thumping, blood pumping, and hands shaking as I slowly come back to my room.

“Are you okay?” a soft voice asks next to me as I try to calm myself down. Jesus, I still have a bitch here?

“Yeah.” I shake my head, sitting up to get my bearings. It’s only been a couple of hours or so and I’ve woken up from a dream again. Fuck, it’s going to be a long night. “You should go.” I stand and pull my jeans on.

“Okay, but,” she mumbles, but I don’t want to hear what she has to say.

“Listen, I had a great time but it’s over. You know the score, out.” I don’t bother to face her. I don’t think I can face anyone right now. It’s still dark out and I know it’s a shitty move, but the bitch should have left when we finished our business.

“Great time?” she repeats.

“Fine, it was fucking awesome, okay? Great fuck. See you around.” I move toward the bathroom.

“But we didn’t—”

“Get the fuck out, now,” I roar, not in the mood. The dream fucked with me this time, and I’m hanging on by a thread. I don’t stick around waiting for her response. I move to the bathroom and slam the door shut, heading straight to the shower.

The truth is I don’t even remember coming back to bed. I remember arriving at the clubhouse after my physical therapy session. I remember Nix slurring his ass off and I remember meeting some blonde. After that, it’s black. I fucking knew I shouldn’t have taken my meds and drank.

Dropping my pants, I kick them off and step into the shower. I let the hot water wash over my pounding head and force myself to not go over the dream again. Instead, I try to remember how the small brunette ended up in my bed.

A smash followed by a crash pulls me out of my head.

“Jesus Christ, the bitch has gone stage-five clinger.” I step out of the shower, reach for my towel and wrap it around me. “I told you to fucking leave.” I push the bathroom door open and watch her trying to pick up the lamp she knocked over.

“I’m so sorry. I tripped.” She replaces the lamp and looks away from me.

“Just go,” I say and watch her stumble again. Fucking bitch is clumsy.

“Yes, okay.” She reaches the door and hightails it out.

“Close the fucking door,” I shout but she doesn’t stop. Turning back to the bathroom, I storm back into the shower and try to forget about the last twenty-four hours. I don’t know why I’m so pissed. Normally after a night of booze and women, I’m able to shove my dreams way back down, even go back for round two, but tonight, I can’t get a handle on it.

Finishing my shower I stay naked, close the door the bitch left open, then throw myself back into bed. My room smells like sex, my sheets in need of a fucking wash, but I block it all out and hope come morning, the fucking dream is out of my head.

“Morning, fuckers.” I walk out to the kitchen the next morning to start my day, flashing my happy-go-fucking-lucky smile.

“What the fuck is good about this morning?” Nix grumbles and I remember the shit he was slurring last night.

“Yeah, what the fuck are you so happy about?” Beau asks, pouring himself a coffee.

“I know.” Holly smiles around a mouthful of toast.

“What would you know?” I accuse, hoping she doesn’t see through my shit.

“I know that smile is extra wide because of who you had in your bed last night.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Holly?” I move toward the coffee not in the mood to play her guessing game.

“I saw Nurse Bell doing the walk of shame last night.”

What the fuck?

“Nurse Bell?” Sy asks, looking up at his woman.

“Fuck off.” I shake my head thinking she’s fucking with me. That shit didn’t happen.

“Don’t deny it, Jesse.”

“That wasn’t Bell. That was…” I search for her name. “Gretchen. No Grace,” I say finally, remembering the small clumsy woman’s name.

“Jesse, I spoke to her for a few minutes.” She smiles like someone who just showed her trump card. “It was Bell.”

“It wasn’t Bell,” I repeat, forcing myself to try to remember her face. Jesus, fuck, I’m such a fucker I can’t even remember her face.

“It was. She was here with some friends,” Holly argues while I desperately try to remember. “I thought she looked familiar when she walked in,” Holly keeps talking, unaware of my inner turmoil. “She looks so different dressed up,” she says and it clicks.

Holy fuck. It was her. Fuck me, Nurse Bell. I fucked Nurse Bell? The woman who has played hard to get since I met her, the same woman I just kicked out of my bed hours ago.

“Are you okay, Jesse?” Sy asks, picking up on my panic, but I don’t answer. What’s there to say? I don’t even remember fucking her.

Fuck. How could I fuck this up so bad?