Текст книги "Avoiding Commitment"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 28 (всего у книги 29 страниц)

But that hadn’t happened. He had flat out told her that they were meant to be together. That after everything they had been through, he knew what he wanted and all he had to do was tie up some loose ends. Now he was saying that sex didn’t change anything along with other unthinkable things, and honestly, she was just lost.

“What am I trying to do besides get answers from you?” she asked unable to keep the confusion out of her voice.

“Don’t play all innocent with me. We both know you’re not that,” Jack said standing and tossing some paperwork into a basket.

“I never said I was innocent,” she said a bit confused by the abrupt shift in the conversation.

“Yeah, but you sure try to act like you are.”

“Jack, you’ve lost me,” Lexi told him her brow scrunching together.

“I know what you’ve been up to this week.”

“Um…what have I been up to this week? The only thing I’ve been doing is exactly what you asked me to do. I spoke to Bekah about our relationship. I played the perfect part in your stupid charade. I went to the Country Club, Ramsey’s stupid party, your birthday…what more did you want from me? I gave you everything you could want from me. I tried to give you everything, and it seemed like it was going to work out, but now,” she drifted off, “I guess it doesn’t seem like enough.”

He laughed. He actually laughed at the last statement. Lexi’s mouth popped open in surprise unable to fathom why he was acting so impertinent. “You actually want me to believe that you gave me everything?”

“Compared to you giving me nothing, yes, I’d say I gave you everything,” she spat at him.

“You’re ridiculous, Lexi,” he said shaking his head. “You think I don’t know what you’ve been up to?”

“Well, I don’t know what I’ve been up to so why don’t you tell me,” she said completely baffled by this point. She had no idea what he was talking about. She had come here from New York at his request to convince his dumb girlfriend that he could commit. She didn’t exactly believe it herself, but she had tried. As far as she could tell, she had succeeded as well. Bekah seemed to believe that they were going to be together. And up until last night, when Jack had left her all alone feeling used and violated, she had been certain that Jack was actually going to leave Bekah for her.

“Go ahead, play coy with me. I know what you and Ramsey have been up to.”

That really threw her off guard. “What does Ramsey have to do with any of this?” she asked trying to follow his line of reasoning but coming up blank.

He nodded his head a few times. “You don’t have to try and play me like this, Lex. I know you, and I know what’s been going on.”

“Then please fill me in, because I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said walking to the front of his desk and taking a seat in one of the client chairs. She crossed her arms and legs simultaneously and waited for another outrageous response from him.

“You think I don’t know that you guys met before this?”

“Of course we met before this. I told you that as soon as I saw him at the Country Club that we met there when I came up here with Jennifer,” she told him still confused as to where this was going.

“Right, that was a pretty good act. When did you become such a good liar, Lexi?”

“If you tell me what I’m lying about, I might know, because as far as I can tell you are the only good liar in the room.”

“Come on, Lexi,” he cried. “Now, I didn’t think you would ever play me like this, but I can tell that you are now. How long have you guys been together? Has it been since New York?” he asked placing his hands on the desk and leaning forward towards her.

“We’re not together,” she stuttered in disbelief.

“Oh, right. You don’t do the commitment thing. Have you just been fucking?”

“Excuse me, I’m going to pass right over the very ridiculous accusation that Ramsey and I have been fucking,” Lexi said her face clouding over only slightly at the thought that she had almost done just that last night. “And step right up to the plate and take the hypocritical route, jackass.”

Jack stumbled a step as he walked around the corner of her desk. He glanced up at her cheeky comment in surprise. “Whatever, Lexi. I know that you know Ramsey from New York. And whether you’re fucking or not, I know you guys have been together. I saw you kiss at his party. I saw it again last night. I’m not stupid, alright? I can tell that there is something going on between you two.”

Lexi stared at him in awe. So that was why he had been so angry and rough with her the night before. He had somehow deluded himself into believing that she and Ramsey were together. It didn’t make sense to her, but she figured if he looked at it from only one side, it might look like that. However, that didn’t explain why he thought she had met Ramsey in New York. “What do you mean I know him from New York?”

“You don’t deny that you and Ramsey have something going on?” he asked ignoring her question.

“We don’t have anything going on, Jesus. We did kiss, but we’re not together. I don’t even understand how you could think that.”

“I don’t think that. I know that something is going on between ya’ll. You’ve been fucking with my mind since you got here.”

“Excuse me? You’re the one who has been flip-flopping the whole goddamned time I’ve been here. You come home early to see me. Then you’re an asshole to me at Ramsey’s party. Then you want to be with me again and you’re going to break things off with Bekah. After that we have sex, and you’re just another asshole all over again. What the fuck, Jack?” she asked demanding his attention.

“It’s only because you’ve been playing me the whole time that I keep changing,” he told her his blue eyes stormy.

“I have not been playing you!” she yelled at him. “And I don’t know Ramsey from anywhere.”

Jack laughed again. “You’re good. You know that?” Lexi sighed exasperated. “You and Ramsey met in the club the night we got back together in New York.”

Lexi glanced at him in surprise. Her heart raced in her chest at the faint memory of a night long ago. She had met someone in that club. In fact, she had almost gone home with that guy. A series of flashbacks took over her mind.

A man in an Armani suit buying her drinks and barely glancing at Chyna as he offered to take Lexi home. A faint memory of Ramsey saying they had met somewhere previously before they kissed on his balcony. The way he programmed her number into his phone as if he already had it in there. Ramsey somehow knowing she didn’t drink Jack Daniels or Sex on the Beach. How familiar his lack of personal space felt. The way he had touched her last night, as if he had been waiting to do that for much longer than the week he had known her.

Her stomach plummeted, shock radiating out of every pore. Could Ramsey be the elusive Armani Guy? She had lost all the numbers programmed into her phone, so when Ramsey had given her his number it wouldn’t have been in there. He must have known all along, and he hadn’t mentioned it to her.

“See you can’t even deny it,” he said shaking his head as if he hadn’t really believed it himself until her confirmation.

“How did you find out that I’d met him?” she asked.

“I remember Chyna talking to you about some guy from Armani calling you when we were together. I knew you were at the club where Ramsey was that night, because I was the one he was supposed to interview.” Lexi’s heart jumped again. Jack had been there that night. In fact, when she had seen a guy that looked like him, that actually could have been him. She couldn’t believe all of this. “I know you’ve been seeing each other since then. He told me about this woman he met once in New York a couple weeks ago. He didn’t even know he was talking about you, and, honestly, until I saw the two of you together last night, I wasn’t entirely sure myself.”

Lexi’s hand rushed to her mouth unable to believe what he was telling her. “I knew Ramsey in New York,” she murmured.

“So you admit it?”

“Yeah. I guess I do, but he never told me that he knew me,” she said still in a state of shock. Why wouldn’t he have told her? It wasn’t like she had given him some reason not to trust her. Sure, she hadn’t exactly been up front with him about her reasons for being in Atlanta, but she hadn’t considered that something like this would happen.

“Right,” he said in disbelief resting back against the corner of the desk and turning to face her.

Lexi stood brushing the cobwebs out of her mind. She took a turn around the room trying to process what this new information meant besides the fact that it seemed everyone was lying to her in some way. What more could she find out to make matters worse? She finally settled her mind, and walked back to Jack. “I don’t know how we got onto this subject, but Ramsey is not the reason I barged into your office to speak with you.”

Jack waited. “What’s the reason then?”

Lexi took a deep breath before starting. “I’m leaving tonight for New York, and I need to know what’s going on…with us,” she said the last part unsure if she really wanted the answer. At the same time, she knew that she would never be able to leave Atlanta happy without answers.

Jack sighed and buried his head in his hands. “Always back to this conversation.”

“It’s the only one that seems to matter,” she said standing her ground in front of him.

“Lexi, I have a whole life here. I have more than a few loose ends to tie up.”

“What about everything you said?” Lexi asked her voice quivering.

“What do you want me to say, Lex?”

“What about the goddamn truth?” she cried throwing her hands in the air. “Do you want to be with me? You said that you did. Was that all a lie too?”

“It wasn’t a lie. I just…I want to be with you when I’m with you, but when you’re gone I doubt everything. We have too much history, Lex. You know that. I don’t know what’s been going on with us lately, and,” he took a deep breath, “I don’t know if I can leave my life behind.”

“So, this is it then?” she asked, their history the only thing keeping her from collapsing.

“I don’t know…”

“No, don’t fucking do that. Make up your mind already,” she cried rushing forward and pressing herself against his chest.

He instinctively wrapped his arms around her body and held her against him. She breathed into him pushing her hands up his chest and around his neck. “We have to figure this stuff out.”

Jack pulled back from her holding her face softly between his strong hands and staring into her confused brown eyes. “I know we do.”

“I can’t do this anymore,” she told him closing her eyes as his thumb trailed down her cheek.

“Can’t do what anymore?” a voice asked walking into the room behind them.

Lexi jumped back at the sound of the voice. Jack immediately released Lexi’s face dropping his hands to his sides. She tried to hide the expression on her face, but there was no point. Bekah had to know something was up by now.

“Hey, babe. When did you get here?” Jack asked hesitantly.

“Just a little while ago. Hey, Lexi,” Bekah said cheerfully.

“Bekah,” Lexi said nodding her head in greeting.

“Are you here about the news?” Bekah asked smiling as politely as ever as she strolled into the room. Her naturally blonde hair had recently been highlighted and fell down to her chest as pin straight as ever. She wore a crisp white pencil skirt with a baby pink silk blouse that tied up around her neck making a bow. A white suit jacket was folded in half over her left arm. She looked like a vision of perfection, and it made Lexi sick.

“Uh…news?” Lexi asked glancing between Jack and Bekah.

“Didn’t Jack tell you?”

“Apparently not,” she uttered anxiously.

Bekah held up left hand and squealed with joy. “We’re getting married.”

Lexi gasped as she looked at the cut of the ring in front of her. It seemed so familiar, but...it couldn’t be. He wouldn’t.

CHAPTER 25

PRESENT

She was seeing spots.

Anger so fierce came over Lexi she couldn’t even see properly. Every negative emotion that she had ever conjured up combined seemed insignificant compared to this feeling. She could remember a time when she thought things could be right with her and Jack. Now it seemed like that was such a very long time ago. How could she have ever told herself things were going to be alright? She now knew with every ounce of her being that there was absolutely nothing left of the man she had once loved.

Where had the fun, easy going guy that worked in the coffee shop and brought her muffins after class gone? Where was the guy who had taken her to the carnival and paid the guy to stop them on the top? Where was the guy who got her on the gymnastics team, who marveled in her every achievement, who followed her to New York, who would have followed her to the world’s end? Had that man left a long time ago, and she had just missed it?

A part of her, and she wasn’t sure how large that part was, realized that this was her fault. Her continual desire for him had only pushed him to compensate for her affections. They had been playing this game for six years now, and it had changed him. He couldn’t hold back any longer. He lacked self-control and his selfish and self-righteous behavior only intensified his demeanor. Somewhere in their past, they had mutually agreed that cheating was somehow alright. She didn’t know where that began, if it was the first time he had asked her out, the first time she had gone to see him knowing she wasn’t available, or that moment on the pier, which changed everything, but it had begun.

And that’s how she knew this moment in time was partly her fault. The sex before the proposal was like old times all over again. She had attempted to fight him, but she couldn’t fight Jack. When he was persistent, and damn was he persistent, he got what he wanted. That is how it had always been. That is how she had let it become. Cheating was as much a part of them as breathing, no matter how much Lexi tried to fight it.

However, she had made it pretty clear, up until last night, that she had realized her mistake and wasn’t going to continue on that path. If Jack hadn’t ran in New York, she would have taken some time away from him. She had wanted to show him that what he had done was not right. They had cheated and deluded themselves into thinking it was alright, but it wasn’t and it never would be.

But the other part of her knew that this was just as much Jack’s fault, if not more. He had been the first to cheat. He had been the first to tell her that it was always going to be okay, that they could just be friends, that it didn’t matter what they had done, rather what they felt. He had never given up.

And up until today, she thought he had always kept that one important promise that had saved them through so many battles. He had promised that he would never lie to her. Through everything, he had told her exactly what was going on and exactly what happened. He had even told her when he had cheated on her. Yet, she realized, through her mind clouded with anger, Jack had lied to her all along.

Because he had always said that he wanted to be with Lexi, and it was pretty obvious now that that was simply not the case.

The memory of Jack pulling out an exquisite wedding ring and all but proposing was still fresh in her mind. She could remember every little emotion she had felt that day from his confession, to her depression, to his attempt at making amends.

And now her ring, her ring, was on that bony, blonde bitch’s finger.

Lexi reared back and with every ounce of force she possessed in her tiny body slapped Jack clear across the face. His head snapped sideways with the momentum of her strike. Her breathing was heavy and uncontrollable fury was ricocheting throughout her entire body. She could hear Jack’s ragged breaths in front of her, but she couldn’t even stand the sight of him after what he had done. She heard Bekah gasp and rush forward as if to do something about what had happened, but something in Lexi’s eyes must have stopped her in her tracks. Lexi wasn’t certain what she looked like in that moment, but she was sure it wasn’t something that anyone would want to deal with.

“What the…” Jack cried bringing his hand up to his face to rub his jaw line.

“What is wrong with you?” Bekah cried still staying far enough out of Lexi’s reach.

“At the moment, everything is wrong with me,” she spat back at Bekah.

“How dare you react like this! Now, I knew that you still had feelings for Jack, but honestly this is ridiculous. Coming here, hanging all over him, and then slapping him when you have news of our engagement?” Bekah asked angrily. “That is childish and completely uncalled for. I think you should exit the premises.”

“Childish and uncalled for, honestly?” Lexi cried out. She couldn’t even form clear words to tell Bekah how absolutely ridiculous her statements were. How could you explain to a woman who was crazy about weddings and had just been proposed to that her ring was never meant for her? Could she break the news to her?

She had never liked Bekah, but she couldn’t shatter her dreams just because she was angrier at now Jack than she ever had been in her life. Actually, she might be angrier than she had ever been in her life.

But Lexi agreed with her. Perhaps, she should leave the premises. There was no need for her to stay here and make a fool of herself any longer. Jack had crushed her. That was all there was to it. He didn’t want her any longer. He had given her ring to Bekah, which proved that more than anything else ever could.

“Yes, absolutely,” Bekah told her, folding her arms one over the other.

“Whatever,” Lexi said glaring at Jack who still hadn’t spoken up. “There is so much I could tell you that I held back from you to save you heartache.”

“Like what?” Bekah challenged steeling herself against Lexi’s threat.

Jack glanced between the two girls uneasily. “You really don’t even want to know,” Lexi announced.

“I do. Please, shock me,” Bekah said raising her eyebrows as if challenging her to continue.

“Bekah, ignore her. She’s just pissed. I’m getting out of here and you should come too. You don’t need this,” Jack said snatching up his suit jacket and storming out of the room.

“That’s right, just run away like you always do,” Lexi called after his retreating back. Bekah stayed put and watched as Jack exited the room in a blaze of fury. “Aren’t you going to run after him?” Lexi asked condescendingly. She realized how much of a failure her coming to this place had been. Jack had used her and then threw her out with the trash just like Chyna had said.

“No, I think not,” Bekah said a smile creeping onto her face. “I’m actually very happy that we have this moment together.”

Lexi looked at her in disbelief. “And why is that?”

“Because I’ve been waiting for this very moment.”

“And again, why is that?”

“For you to finally realize that Jack will never be yours,” Bekah stated sweetly, tilting her head slightly to the right as she stared wide-eyed at Lexi.

“What are you even talking about?” Lexi asked staring at Bekah blankly. She wasn’t exactly sure about the change of conversation, but was still too angry to process what she was saying.

“Why do you even think that you’re here?” Bekah asked placing one hand on her hip and leaning into it.

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I came to talk to Jack.”

“No,, I mean, why do you think you’re in Atlanta?”

Lexi sighed. “I’m here, because Jack asked me to talk to you and convince you that he was ready to commit to you,” she said letting all the words come out in a rush.

Bekah’s smile widened. “You thought you were here to convince me that Jack was ready for commitment?” Bekah asked sardonically. “What a silly little girl you are after all.”

Lexi tilted her head to the side as if evaluating the situation. “What are you even talking about? That’s exactly what Jack told me, and fuck you, I’m not a silly little girl.”

“Well, yes, of course he told you that. I told him to tell you that, and he believed me,” she announced smiling sweetly.

“Then what are you talking about?” Lexi demanded tired of this ridiculous behavior.

“You didn’t come here to convince me…you came here to convince him,” Bekah stated simply. “I knew all about you. When he gets drunk, he babbles too much, and on occasion you were brought up. He never remembered mentioning you, or if he did, then he pretended as if he hadn’t spoken a word. You see, I knew that he wasn’t over you. I could tell from the way he looked when he spoke about you.”

Lexi stomach began churning. Why was Bekah telling her all this?

“So I made sure you came down to visit. I knew that if you were around, he would finally get over you. And you did just as I suspected, you convinced him that he was ready to marry me. You played right into my hand. I applaud you,” she said beginning a slow golfer’s clap. “I never thought you would make it so easy for me.”

“I…I don’t believe you,” Lexi croaked her stomach dropping completely out of her body.

“Of course you don’t,” Bekah said throwing one hand in the air. “You can’t see past your stupid little fantasy that Jack is one day going to be yours. You can’t see past the history you guys once had. You can’t get over the charade you two put on for every other person you have ever been with or ever known. Even your own best friend can’t understand that you will never get over Jack.

“And I understand because Jack is amazing, but he is not yours. He is all mine. You know if you could have realized that Jack will never be yours earlier, you would have seen what was happening all along.” Bekah smirked and fluffed her blonde hair over her shoulder with her left hand letting the giant diamond glitter in the afternoon sun light filtering in through the windows.

“You are completely demented,” Lexi cried. “And it is not a fantasy, because you know damn well that Jack has been mine for nearly six years now.”

“Wow. You really are dumber than I thought,” Bekah said chuckling to herself. “Why can’t you get it through your head that Jack has never nor will he ever be yours? You are the mistress, the other woman, the second choice. That’s all you are or ever will be to him. He could never see you as anything more. That’s why he never left anyone else for you. That’s why he cheated on you at the first opportunity and then left. That’s why he is choosing me…not you.”

Lexi’s mouth dropped open. She hated the fact that what she was saying actually made sense. She had thought about those facts many times before, but she had never been able to come to that conclusion. She had never been able to believe it was over. How could it ever be over?

Today was the first time she had ever realized that she would lose him. She had thought for a long time that things were not the way they should be between them, but she never lost hope for them to be together. Bekah was right. She was stupid for believing they would work it out after everything they had been through.

“Oh look, I think you might have finally realized it,” Bekah cooed as if she were speaking with a toddler.

“What the fuck ever,” Lexi said brushing past Bekah and stomping towards the exit. She didn’t need this…not from Bekah…not from anyone. She needed to move on with her life and that meant doing just as Bekah ordered: exiting the premises. It was time to leave Atlanta and get back home where things were less drama filled and a bit more reliable.

Bekah chuckled one more time. She turned as Lexi brushed past her and just as Lexi put her hand on the door she said maliciously, “Not to mention my brother played his part perfectly.”

Lexi stopped with her hand on the door ready to pull it open. She took a deep breath and willed herself to leave. She knew Bekah was antagonizing her now, and she needed to get out before she got suckered in. She twisted the handle attempting to keep her curiosity at bay. But she couldn’t keep it at bay. “What does Ramsey have to do with this?”

Bekah smirked knowing she had caught her interest. “Oh, you know Ramsey,” she said shrugging.

Lexi looked at her as if she had no idea what she was talking about. “Bekah,” she said warningly, “I’m tired of this bullshit. Just tell me what you obviously want me to know.”

“Honestly, I never would have imagined Ramsey to be such a good actor.”

“What was he acting about?” Lexi asked afraid to get the answer. There were so many things that could go wrong with this conversation. She wasn’t sure what had happened over the past week, but she had begun to trust him. It was a scary feeling for her to allow someone else into her life, but Ramsey was beginning to grow on her. She couldn’t imagine what it would mean if Bekah told her something that would shatter yet another relationship. Lexi wasn’t sure if she could handle that at this moment in time.

“Really, Lexi, can’t you answer that question? The way you were putty in his hands really worked in my favor to be honest.”

“Ramsey?” Lexi asked doubtfully.

“Yes, Ramsey. What? Did you think he liked you? He is my brother. Who do you think he would choose if it came down to it? Oh, come on, that’s a stupid question, he would choose me over you. It was really easy to convince him to fuck around with you.”

No, Lexi couldn’t believe it. Ramsey wasn’t a pawn in his sister’s game. He would never play her like a fool. What did he have to gain from Bekah’s game?

Bekah continued, “Then planting Jack in the perfect location to witness everything that was going on. Of course I had to leave you and Jack alone some so that he could get pissed off at you. Just enough for you to have a rift and then let the trust issues, which you already have, blossom into true anger.”

Lexi didn’t know Ramsey all that well. They had only been hanging out this week and if he had been under Bekah’s influence the entire time, then it was all a lie. Both of their public kisses had been in front of Jack. Only a day after her date with Ramsey, he had gone straight to Jack and told him that they had been together. No wonder Jack had thought there was something going on. Bekah and Ramsey had set them up.

“It was almost too easy how it worked out.”

Lexi’s heart was racing as she turned to face Bekah. She knew that something had changed between her and Ramsey in the past week. She hadn’t even really been aware of it herself. She had started to like him. Even with everything going on with Jack, she had somehow found her heart could still beat. And it didn’t feel manufactured. Was it wishful thinking to believe that he had really had true affections for her?

“Oh, do you care about him?” Bekah asked sounding demented.

“I can’t believe you,” Lexi finally decided. Her voice lacked the conviction that she wanted to feel. Ramsey, at least, she thought she could count on. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe because something about him seemed so sincere. Maybe because they had seemed genuinely interested in each other when they spent time together. Maybe because she had some means of self-control around him and still found that she was attracted to him. But could all of that been from acting?

What did she really know about him? He didn’t work for Bridges Enterprise, and she didn’t know where he did work. She didn’t know where he had gone to school or if he had gone to college at all. She knew he had a trust fund and was around during much of the day. He had a nice ass.

Yeah, that was about it.

Great.

“Again with the not believing me. I have no reason to lie to you. And I can tell you care about him,” Bekah said reading her reaction carefully. “You don’t even know my brother. You have no idea what he is like. He has shown you one side of him and you fall all over yourself about him. Everyone always does, which is why I was certain if you gave into him even a teensy little bit that you would be lost. And look,” she said pointing at Lexi, “you are so very lost.”

“You have every reason to lie to me. You’re pissed because Jack wanted me. So you had to attempt to sabotage our relationship. I don’t think Ramsey is involved. You’re just trying to ruin every part of my life so you can have some part of yours,” Lexi spat at her. She had been right the first time she met Bekah. She would never ever like this backstabbing bitch.

“Well, I’m not lying to you. Jack didn’t want you. He had this crazy idea of you from six years ago. Neither of you are the same people, and you’re just stupid to think you could make it through everything that you have been through.”

“Just because you are jealous of what Jack and I had doesn’t mean you have to be such a bitch.”

“It’s not being a bitch when you are telling the truth. For instance, Jack has no interest in you. My brother has no interest in you whatsoever. Well, except maybe to fuck you. I told him that was fine,” she announced nonchalantly.

Lexi cringed away from Bekah’s words. No. This could not be happening to her. She had almost slept with Ramsey. He had been so eager to get with her when he could tell she was broken and in tears. Could this be all that it was? Had he only been seducing her hoping to fuck her and leave? “I may not know your brother very well…”

“At all,” Bekah interrupted.

“But I know that the way he was around me was not some kind of act.”

“Yes, I’m sure you can delude yourself into believing that, but that is the truth. That is the truth you have been looking for since you got here. Jack is mine,” Bekah told her taking a step forward. “He does not want you. Ramsey is my brother and he would do anything for me,” she said stepping forward until she was standing directly in front of Lexi. “He doesn’t want you either. Thanks for your help.” Bekah grabbed the door handle and yanked it open. “Please escort yourself off of Bridges property. You are no longer welcome here.”

“You’re kicking me out?” Lexi asked glancing out the hallway and then back at Bekah. “I believe we have more to discuss here you filthy whore.”

“No, I think my work here is done,” Bekah said smiling. “Gwen, if she doesn’t leave, call security.” And with that Bekah stalked right through the door and into her own office.

Gwen hopped off her chair, anxious to rush Lexi out of the office. Lexi’s mouth was hanging open still from Bekah’s monologue, and she was frozen in place. “Miss,” Gwen muttered angrily.