Текст книги "Avoiding Commitment"
Автор книги: K. A. Linde
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Текущая страница: 21 (всего у книги 29 страниц)
He nodded agreeing with her. “Then, I’m sorry for the message, but I did have to leave and you were still passed out. How much had you had to drink?”
She looked down at her hands twisting in her lap sheepishly.
“That’s what I thought,” he said running his fingers through his perfectly kept hair. Lexi watched as the pieces fell back into place neatly, only a few stray strands obscured the view of his eyes.
“So are you…are you with someone?” he asked taking her hands into his own, his voice ringing with a note of hope.
Lexi hesitated watching his concerned face before answering him. “No, there’s no one.”
He breathed out the breath he had been holding and smiled up at her in relief. “That’s good.” He paused nibbling on his bottom lip as if deliberating his next move. “I never asked over the summer while we were still talking, but what happened with Clark?”
She cursed under her breath extracting her hands from his. She pushed her hair behind her ears several times anxiously. This had been the question she had wanted to avoid.
“Do we have to talk about Clark?” she whispered.
“We don’t have to, but you know my end of the story. You were the only one I saw when I closed my eyes,” he said bringing his hand up to her chin and tilting her head up to look into his crystal clear blue eyes.
“Then why wasn’t I enough when they were open?” she asked another tear welling in her eyes.
“Please don’t cry,” he muttered wiping away the tear that had fallen down her cheek. “I know I screwed up. We both screwed up, but I’m here now.”
As if that solved everything.
She sat up straighter, not wanting to let her emotions take over. She had been down that road before and it was a slippery slope. “Clark and I broke up the day you told me you loved me.”
“What?” Jack cried a little too loud for their environment. He drew eyes from the surrounding pedestrians congregated in the hallway to escape the cold. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Jack, lower your voice,” she demanded glancing around at the nosey onlookers.
“No, Lexi, explain,” he yelled out his eyes blazing.
Deep down she wished she could have lied to him right then and there. What made him special anyway? She lied to everyone else. She wished that she didn’t have to explain why she had done what she did. She had been avoiding the truth for so long. She didn’t feel prepared to divulge her actions, but she couldn’t lie to Jack. They had decided a long time ago never to do that to each other. Her heart told her that the truth would only hurt him further. That he should leave after everything they had been through. That she should run tail-end in the opposite direction, but she couldn’t and he obviously wasn’t going to either.
“I couldn’t tell you, but I couldn’t be with him either.”
“Why didn’t you come to me?” he pleaded with her trying to comprehend what she had done.
“He made me…hurt you, Jack,” she finally stammered out. “What I felt for Clark…what Clark thought he felt for me, would never be the same after all that. I’d gone ahead with his plan out of fear. And for what?” she muttered angrily. “For what? Fear of losing him? No, I’d never feared that, but I didn’t see that until it was too late. I was afraid of losing you. For what I had with you was more than anything Clark gave me.”
“Then why didn’t you come to me?” he repeated interrupting her stream of conscious. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Can’t you see? I did it, because I loved you. Though you said the words first, I didn’t believe you,” she told him breathlessly, her face paling after finally telling him everything she had been holding in.
His features morphed at the shock of her words. She could tell he wasn’t pleased with what she had said. “You think I’d tell you I love you, if it wasn’t true?” he growled.
“Your girlfriend had just told me you had held out on sex with her for over a year and a half because she was a virgin. You obviously respected her. You couldn’t even wait two days at a beach house while our significant others were a couple hundred yards away. What does that tell you?” she asked her face regaining a little bit of color with the vehemence in her voice.
He leaned back hard against the bench and ran his hands through his thick hair again. Lexi’s eyes were drawn to the movement, and she wished he would stop doing that. It kept making her heart flutter. “Yeah, I really respected Kate by not sleeping with her,” he stated sarcastically shaking his head. “Is that what you think?”
Lexi looked at him helplessly. It had been what she thought at the time, what she had thought for a long time, but now staring into his defeated face, she was beginning to second guess herself.
“It was the opposite,” he told her taking her hand out of her lap once again as he regained composure. “I didn’t respect her at all, because I slept with you. She was easy to handle and convenient. Nothing more to me than that. I cared for her, but when you walked away from me that day, our relationship turned hostile and almost pathetic. I stayed with her more out of boredom. And to find out you weren’t with Clark after all that, I just…I don’t know what to say…” he trailed off.
They sat in silence both milling over the new found information that miscommunication had deprived them of so long ago. Lexi sighed, itching to find out what this meant for them in the present time.
“I guess we both thought we were doing what was in the other’s best interest,” Jack told her.
“Where do we go from here?” Lexi asked tentatively looking up into his blue eyes. What she saw gave her more hope than she thought she deserved. His eyes were lit up and the smile that crossed his face took her breath away.
“I have a thought,” he began leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her cheek. She was unable to believe he had just kissed her after all that.
“What’s that?” she asked nudging him along.
He scooted closer on the bench so that there wasn’t any room left between them. “I’m going to be in New York for a little while so why don’t we try this out?”
“You mean date?” she asked in disbelief.
He scrunched up his face. “You think that we can really be normal enough to date?” he asked sarcastically.
“Oh shush,” she said smacking him playfully, “I just mean that we’re a little bit past that point and we’re not exactly normal.”
He nodded agreeing with her. “Okay, so, we don’t date. Let’s not be a couple since we’re pretty good at that at least.”
“Then what are we?”
“We’re working on making this right,” he said bringing his lips to hers gently.
“I like the sound of that,” she said against his soft lips, her breath quickening instantly.
He drew back from her, a cocky smirk played across his features. “I forgot how much I love your reactions to everything.”
He trailed a hand down the side of her face and on to her neck. “Jack, we’re in public,” she reminded him. He retracted his hand seeming to realize that they were in a crowded place for one of the first time. Lexi glanced around at their surroundings to make sure that they hadn’t drawn any more unnecessary attention towards themselves. When she was satisfied, she turned back to Jack taking in his beautiful features and feeling giddy and light-headed all at once.
For the first time, she was hearing the words she had always dreamed of hearing. Maybe not in the exact way she had expected, but it was an improvement. So they weren’t a couple, but since when was that new? They had never been a couple. They had never had that kind of relationship. This was probably the best thing for them anyway. She couldn’t imagine them as a serious couple. Every other person they had dated that way had ended in disaster. She didn’t want them to end up like that. She wanted what she had always envisioned with Jack.
“Where are you staying in New York?” she asked not so subtly. She bit her bottom lip and stared up at him under her long black lashes.
“I’m guessing your dorm room only has a twin,” he said smirking as he stood hauling her up off the bench and leading her out of the building. “You know, I had planned on taking you through the museum.”
She smiled up at him as they entered the cold afternoon air. “I’m going to assume there will be time for that later.”
“Not if I can help it,” he said with a wink as he laced his fingers with hers. They trotted down the stairs together. He hailed a cab that drove them across town away from Central Park, Washington Square, and Park Avenue, to a rundown building with dilapidated paneling and a slew of broken windows. Lexi cringed at the sight, unfamiliar with the more unpleasant side of town. She followed him up four flights of stairs and stood before a door with three layers of off-white paint chipping from the frame.
He flashed an apologetic smile before entering the apartment. Lexi breathed a sigh of relief at the interior. Despite the disgusting outwards appearance, the inside was clean and well furnished even if nothing in the apartment seemed to match. “Sorry about this. I was staying with some family friends for awhile, but they ended up having their parents move back in with them so they could keep a better eye on their health conditions. That put me out of a place to stay, and I ended up here with this girl I met at my last job. I’m not sure if she’s around,” he said looking around the apartment warily.
“How many jobs have you had?” she asked curiously.
He squirmed under her question. “A few more than I would have liked.”
“Oh,” she stated unsure of what to say. “What are you doing now?”
“Uh…I’m a waiter, but I feel more like I’m in between jobs. I was working at this amazing job off Wall Street,” he told her his eyes glossing over with pride, “but they had to let a whole bunch of people go because of the economy. I moved up here for the job, and then it was taken out from under me. I’ve been talking to a lot of companies though. It’ll pick up.”
Lexi empathized with his pain. She had heard of so many people losing their jobs due to the economy. She was avoiding the real world as long as she possibly could and hoping everything would turn around by the time she was out of law school. Lexi reached out and touched his arm bringing him out of his bad mood.
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” he apologized guiding her towards a door. “This is where Stella is letting me crash until I can get on my feet again.”
He pushed open the door and revealed a room just large enough to fit a double bed, dresser, and TV. Not that he needed much else at the moment. He closed the door behind them as Lexi climbed onto the bed. She snuggled into the green comforter surprised at how comfy the mattress was. Jack crawled onto the bed after her, tucking his arm underneath her shoulders, and pulling her into him.
She let his kisses travel down her face, to her neck, and across her collarbone. It was a different feeling than she was accustomed to with Jack. He wasn’t in a hurry with her. It had been a long time since they had been together, and he wanted to savor every inch of her body. He paused at the base of her throat running his hands across the smooth skin left exposed by her sweater.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said pressing his lips to her skin, “but this is the palest I’ve ever seen you.”
She laughed deep into her diaphragm. “There’s not as much sun here.”
Jack straddled her legs and reached for the purple sweater that was covering her pale form. He slid his hands up under the material dragging the flimsy tank top with it over her head. Trailing from her bellybutton across her ribs, up between her breasts, and then back to the hollow of her throat, he hummed softly, “Pale, pale, pale. Do, do, do.” Lexi couldn’t keep from giggling at his adorableness.
One hand snaked under her body and unsnapped the sheer lace bra she was wearing. He tossed it to the ground and yanked his own shirt over his head in one fluid motion. Lowering himself back down to her body, he made work with her breasts until she was squirming under him. The rest of their clothes followed and each took their time exploring and reacquainting themselves with each other’s body. She could tell he was getting close to going over the edge as she gripped him in her hands and used her mouth to pleasure him further. He shuddered and seized her shoulders pulling her on top of him. She gasped surprised by his forcefulness.
“You don’t want me to finish?” she asked wiggling her hips teasingly.
He smirked. “Yeah, I do,” he said as he pushed her hips down sliding inside of her. She groaned at his touch. Jack let loose a low moan at the feel of her encircling him. Lexi squeezed her muscles and felt him quiver underneath her. She leaned forward resting her hands on the bed and gave him a loving kiss before he started moving slowly inside of her. They both enjoyed alternating between who took control of the situation, the speed, and tempo that the other employed. As they both were getting close, Jack shoved her upwards and off of him. Without even giving it a seconds thought, he flipped her over grasping her hips in his hands and started where they left off doggie-style. They finished together, both spent from the physical and emotional rollercoaster from that day.
After cleaning up, Lexi fell back into Jack’s arms letting him hold her tight. He fanned out her hair letting it run loose between his fingers. “Better than the museum?” she asked playfully.
“Much better,” he said leaning down and kissing her on her temple. “Everything is better when I’m with you.”
She sighed heavily unable to believe that after everything they had been through and all the heartache and tears she had endured, she was finally getting the chance she deserved with Jack. So maybe they weren’t officially a couple, but at least they were something. She could deal with whatever came next as long as he was around. That would be good enough for her…for now. Then they could go past this, and work towards a real future together.
But right now, she was ready for round two.
CHAPTER 19
PRESENT
Lexi bounded into Jack’s room and quickly stripped off the band t-shirt he had loaned her. She looked longingly at the cracked bathroom door where steam was currently streaming from. She took one step forward, her heart racing with desire knowing that Jack was naked on the other side. She cautiously approached the bathroom door and peered into the room. Lexi could just make out Jack’s figure through the glass.
She had been so determined to barge in there even though she had just kept them from making the same mistake. She leaned her head against the doorframe and shut her eyes attempting to reason with herself.
Yes, Jack was naked in the next room.
Yes, he probably looked freaking amazing as the water ran down his body.
Yes, she wanted him.
All of these things were obvious to her, but she needed to keep a lid on her emotions. Just because she wanted Jack didn’t mean that she should have him. He was taken. Though she had never respected that in the past, she liked to think that she was a different person now.
As she was about to walk away, she heard soft humming over the drum of the water hitting the glass. The humming turned into a melody and eventually, Lexi could put the pieces together and make out the lyrics to Mae’s song The Ocean. She left her eyes shut tight allowing the lyrics to flow over her. She could have stood there indefinitely just listening to him sing so clearly over the water. His voice was mesmerizingly smooth and took her back to times when things had been easier. Or at least, she had thought they had been easier. In fact, they had been the calm before the storm.
She knew that if she rushed into that bathroom right now, it would be exactly the same. Jack would have all the control. It was hard enough turning him down twice in a twelve hour period. She wasn’t sure she was capable of doing it a third time.
The final note of the song sounded in her ears and the shower cut off. Lexi jumped from where she was standing, not expecting them to be timed together. She grabbed her clothes from his dresser and rushed into the guest bedroom. Scrambling into last night’s clothes, Lexi dashed for the exit. She didn’t want to be here when he got out. She didn’t trust herself enough not to succumb to his wiles.
Lexi hailed the first cab that she saw and had them whisk her to the airport. Flight time from JFK to Hartfield-Jackson was only two hours, and since Chyna was flying private jet it might even be less time. Lexi didn’t care how long she would have to wait. She couldn’t be around Jack right now. She needed her best friend. She needed Chyna to tell her that she was doing the right thing, because Lexi had never been good at that. And all she wanted to do was turn around and be back in Jack’s arms.
The cab stopped in front of the airport terminal. She threw some cash over the front of the seat and quickly exited the vehicle. The cabbie rolled the window down and called out to her. “Change?” She turned around and shook her head at him.
The wait was shorter than she had expected. She had passed the time sitting with her feet propped up across three chairs, listening to whatever was blaring through her earbuds, and people watching. New York was bad enough. She couldn’t believe what she had seen coming to and from an international airport. She shook her head at the remembered images and deposited the iPod back into her purse. Chyna had employed some poor sap to wheel her luggage through the airport for her. Lexi shouldn’t have expected anything less from her gorgeous friend. When Chyna caught sight of Lexi, her feet moved double time as she nearly ran in her rather impractical four inch heels to greet her best friend.
“Alexa, I’m so glad I’m here,” she squealed wrapping her arms around her neck.
“I’m glad you’re here too, Chyna,” Lexi told her.
“Let’s hope my town car is waiting,” Chyna stated grabbing Lexi’s hand and whisking her out of the airport.
A black town car was indeed waiting for Chyna’s arrival outside of the airport. After the baggage was secured in the trunk and the girls were in the backseat, the car whisked them away to the hotel in which Chyna already had a penthouse reserved in her name. Once the two were safely in the hotel accommodations, Chyna immediately went on a rampage. Lexi was only half listening to what she was saying as she stared in awe at the hotel room. She had seen impressive residences. Chyna obviously had a remarkable suite, but Lexi had been there so often she had become desensitized to its beauty. This place was completely different. Everything about the room was classy and elegant, drawn out in soft golden hues. An exquisite den area was set in dark oak and brown and cream suede. Through colossal double doors revealed a four-poster bed draped with an intricately detailed quilt comforter and at least a dozen throw pillows of varying shape and size. The sheer, gold-trimmed curtains opened to a sprawling balcony overlooking the city. From several dozen stories up, Lexi could really see the splendor of the place she had grown up.
Chyna cleared her throat. “Are you listening to me?” she asked grabbing Lexi’s wrist.
“Huh?” she asked turning away from the decorations to look at her friend.
“I was talking about what’s been going on with you,” Chyna told her unceremoniously.
“Yeah,” Lexi mumbled falling backwards in a large chair that she sank into on impact. “Things aren’t exactly going as planned.”
“You think?” Chyna asked sarcastically. “You were supposed to tell the girlfriend what happened between you two, and let that be the end of it. What about that was complicated?”
Lexi buried her face in her hands. “Everything,” she grumbled.
“No, it’s not. That’s what I was saying earlier. You get way too attached. Clean break is what you need. Just forget about him. Forget about whatever happened between you two. That’s what you were supposed to be doing here, Alexa. Tell me what happened to change that. I cannot fathom why you’d want to have anything to do with this scumbag again after what he did to you. I kind of want to go find him myself and cut off his you-know-what,” she exclaimed angrily. “He doesn’t actually deserve to have balls after everything that went down. I can’t believe I actually convinced you to come see him. I should have seen this coming. What was I thinking? He’s obviously the same pig-headed asshole he always was. He thinks he can waltz right in, take over your life, and leave you in pieces all over again. Well, I’m not having it alright? Do you hear me?”
“C, chill out. That’s not how it’s going to be.”
“You’re damn right that’s not how it’s going to be. Wanna know why? Because I’m not letting you near him again. I don’t care what you say, Alexa Mae.”
“You’ve got it all wrong,” Lexi said through her teeth.
“And you’re brainwashed by him,” she cried.
“I’m not brainwashed, alright?” Lexi yelled back. She stood forcefully and stared at her friend. “I know what happened with Jack, and I swore I would never let that happen to me again. I know what he is capable of, but it’s not going to happen this time.”
“I hope it’s not going to happen, because you’re not involved with him,” Chyna retorted staring back at her friend.
“I could have slept with him. I could have given myself up to him all over again. I could have torn down all the walls that I had placed around myself against him, but I didn’t. Do you know how hard it is to say no to him? No! How could you?” she cried, anger that she had bottled up threatening to overflow. She was even beginning to make wild accusations against her best friend…the one person in New York she told everything. Well…almost everything.
“Watch it,” Chyna warned.
“You are just given everything you want. You take everything that you want. You have no concept of what it means to say no to someone that you truly love, because you don’t love anyone,” Lexi uttered viciously.
Chyna’s mouth dropped open in shock. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” Lexi growled. “You have a silver spoon shoved up your pretty little ass, and the world jumps at your beck and call. You’ve never loved anyone, because you’ve never put yourself out there to be loved. You just sleep with guy after guy after guy.”
Chyna’s jaw set at the accusation. “And you’re much better?” she asked shaking her head. “You do the same thing, but at least I know where I stand with them. You…you’re just using them, because you can’t have the one thing that you want. The one person that you want doesn’t want you, and you’re right, I don’t know what that’s like. Everyone wants me.”
“Yeah, they want to fuck you and be gone by the morning,” Lexi said maliciously.
“That’s better than wasting a life on someone who will always choose the other girl over you. I’d rather be in control, using them rather than have them use me, because that’s all he’s doing. He’s using you, and when he’s done, he’ll throw you out with the trash like he always has,” Chyna snarled letting her words cut straight through to Lexi’s core.
Lexi couldn’t believe what she had just said. Was this what Chyna had been holding back all those years? Was this what it was like to get the full blow of Chyna’s anger? Suddenly, Lexi felt like all the air had been sucked out of her body. Her chest was seizing up with the lack of oxygen, and her head was spinning in the oxygen deprived environment. She could feel her face lose its color as the blood flow weakened. She gasped out hoping to breathe in some precious oxygen, but nothing happened. Then she was in darkness.
*****
When Lexi finally began to stir, the first thing she noticed was that she was no longer in the same place. Her fingers spread apart as she felt the silky material caress her hand. Her eyes fluttered open as the reality that she was lying in the hotel bed came to her. She turned her head to look around and found that there was a crowd of people whispering inside the double doors. A searing pain shot through her head at the movement. She reached her hand up to her aching head. Her hand pushed into her tangled hair and found a large knot on the backside of her scalp. She groaned at the slight feel of her fingers brushing the spot.
The noise must have alerted the room as Chyna immediately scrambled to her side. Her face was tear-stained and the most imperfect Lexi had ever seen her. It was a relief to see her this way. And though she knew this had something to do with her, she couldn’t remember what had happened.
“Oh my God, you’re okay,” Chyna gushed, a fresh wave of tears threatening to break loose. “I was so worried. Oh my God. Oh my God.” She was fanning herself with her hand as she perched on the side of the bed. Her face was stricken with worry.
“C, what happened?” Lexi asked weakly attempting to sit up in bed.
“Whoa there,” a man said rushing forward and pressing her shoulder gently back into the bedding. “You’ll want to stay lying down for a little while longer. Looks like you had quite a spill.”
The wave of nausea that hit her when she tried to get up was the only reason she hadn’t fought this man. “Yeah, I guess so,” she said turning her face to look at Chyna again. She wanted answers.
“Oh, this is all my fault,” Chyna muttered covering her face with her hands. Lexi glanced back to where the crowd had been, and saw that everyone else was beginning to exit the room. She figured it must be hotel staff of some sort.
“Ma’am, I’m sure this was not your fault,” the man said putting his hand reassuringly on Chyna’s shoulder. “People faint for all sorts of reasons,” he stated calmly. His hand rubbed down her arm gently in an effort to halt any further bouts of despair.
“I fainted?” Lexi asked trying to put the pieces together.
The man reluctantly stepped away from Chyna. He was a bit older with graying across his temples, but with a look that showed he must have been very attractive in his younger years. Lexi didn’t miss the glance he sent Chyna’s way before focusing his attention back on Lexi. “Yes, as far as I can tell, you just fainted. I’m Dr. Mike Cutler. You can call me Mike if you like,” he said flashing Chyna another brief smile.
“Will I be alright, Mike?” Lexi asked using his name to snap his attention back to the person who was bed ridden.
“You took a pretty nasty fall and managed to smack your head into the side of the coffee table. There is a large knot on the back of your head, but that should be gone in a matter of hours. You’ll have some tenderness over the next couple days, but nothing to trouble yourself over. No concussion or any serious damage. You’ll need to take some ibuprofen for the pain. Seems to have frightened your friend here quite a bit though,” he said readjusting his focus again. Lexi rolled her eyes. “If either of you need anything further, give me a call,” he told Chyna as he handed her a business card.
Lexi was almost certain that his cell number would be scrawled on the back side. Even in her darkest of hours, Chyna continued to get hit on.
“Thanks, Mike,” Chyna muttered not paying him much attention.
He gracefully exited the room leaving the two girls alone once again.
“Did you get his number?” Lexi asked pointing at the business card.
“What?” Chyna asked oblivious. Then she glanced down at the tiny piece of white paper. She flipped it around experimentally in her hands a few times before noticing that, indeed, there was a number scratched onto the backside. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
Lexi couldn’t hold in her giggles. Chyna looked aghast at her sudden onset of laughter, but quickly joined in. Soon they were both laughing uncontrollably. Lexi put her hand on her head and groaned as the pressure of her laughter cut across her injury.
“Oh, Alexa, I really am so sorry. I didn’t mean to be so…so mean. I had no idea you would faint,” she muttered vehemently, her emerald eyes wide.
Lexi chuckled. “Me either. I’ve never done that before.” She gingerly scooted up to rest against the headboard, wincing as her head protested the movement. She could hardly believe that this had happened to her. When Dr. Cutler had told her that she had fainted, the memories had flooded back to her. She remembered the argument with Chyna, and the sting of Chyna’s words still rang in her ears. She knew she had overreacted, but thinking about what Chyna had said made it difficult to breathe.
“Does he mean all that to you?” Chyna whispered wringing her hands.
Lexi sighed and turned her head to look at her friend. She pushed her hair behind her ears several times before answering. “He’s always meant everything to me.”
“But he’s with someone else now,” Chyna stated hesitantly. She was afraid to set her off again and have a repeat of what had just happened. She had never been so afraid for anyone in her life.
“I know. I know. He said he wants to make things right with me. I told him we could only be right if neither of us are attached. I need to give him the time to become unattached.”
“And how do you know he’ll do that?” Chyna asked. “I mean, didn’t he call you down here because he was ready to commit in the first place.”
Lexi bit her lip. “Not exactly. It was more for her benefit. It just seemed to backfire on her. He realized that he knew what he really wanted when I was around. That he wants me. You should have seen his jealous face when he found out that I went on a date with Ramsey,” she said smiling fondly at the memory.
“And what about him? Just one date? You told me that you kind of liked him,” Chyna mentioned hoping that something…anything would snap her friend out of this.
“Ramsey’s…ya know. Whatever. I had a good time, but he’s so…all in your face. His personality is all encompassing. I can’t breathe around him,” Lexi told Chyna, surprised by the reality of her words.
Chyna cleared her throat. “Some people think these are good qualities. It’s called passion,” she mumbled peaking at her friend from under her thick dark lashes.
Lexi scowled at her friend. She didn’t want to think about Ramsey, mostly, because she didn’t know what to do about Ramsey. He wasn’t like the other people she had dated. She had thought that he would be easy to figure out, a cookie-cutter sort of character. Yet, she couldn’t deny that she had enjoyed herself on their date, uncharacteristically so. She had lost herself in his strange, in-your-face personality for a time. She had even forgotten about Jack. It had surprised her that she had been able to forget such strong memories while with another man. She had become so accustomed to measuring up every guy to Jack that, if she was honest with herself, it had been a pleasant reprieve from the tireless drone of unimpressive desperation that most guys wore like cloaks.
