Текст книги "Avoiding Commitment"
Автор книги: K. A. Linde
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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 29 страниц)
Lexi gulped and looked up into Kate’s enormous blue eyes. “Have a seat, sweetie. What did you want to talk to me about?” Kate asked gesturing to the seat next to her on the sofa.
Taking a precautionary seat in the adjacent chair, Lexi shoved her hair behind her ears several times. She had no idea where to begin. She opened and closed her mouth several times before looking down at her fingers resting in her lap. She glanced back up at the oblivious girl, her heart going out to her for what she was about to do.
“Have you noticed anything different about Jack lately?” Lexi began.
“Different? Different how?”
“Uh…just anything.”
Kate chewed on her bottom lip gloss covered lip seriously contemplating the question. “No, I don’t believe I have.”
This was going to be harder than she thought. “You haven’t noticed that he’s been missing a lot more than usual?”
“Well…I guess he has been missing, but not really more than usual. We’ve always had an understanding that we don’t have to be together all the time for our relationship to work. He can have time away from me if he wants, and I have the same privilege. It’s just how we work. Not many people would be okay with that, but we are. Why?”
“Okay, I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just going to dive right in. Jack and I slept together.”
The silence that followed was unlike anything Lexi had ever sat through. She wasn’t sure if Kate was going to lunge at her or break down in tears. She looked shell shocked for sure. That had to have been the last thing she had been expecting. The tension could have been cut with a spoon. Lexi wasn’t sure if she should run now. Her heart was hammering in her chest with the anticipation of Kate’s response.
“Why would you tell me something like that?” Kate finally asked barely above a whisper.
“I had to let you know and Jack wasn’t going to tell you.”
“Why would you think I’d want to know something like that?”
“I just…thought you’d want the truth.”
“I didn’t,” she said shaking her head forcefully from side to side. “I didn’t want to know that.”
Lexi just stared at her. She didn’t want to know. She had crushed her for no reason. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” Kate asked her eyes glaring at her. “For what? Fucking my boyfriend or for telling me that you fucked my boyfriend.”
“Uh…”
“Just…just don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to hear any of it. I just want to forget you. Forget you ever existed. Please leave my house.”
“Kate.”
“No, I don’t need any other information from you. Thank you. Get the fuck out of my house,” she said standing and pointing towards the door.
Lexi stood in complete shock at Kate’s reaction. “Are you going to tell Jack that I told you?”
“No. I’m not telling him anything. Now leave.”
“Why are you so calm about all this?” Lexi couldn’t help asking.
That question seemed to change everything about Kate. Lexi had never seen the girl anything but way too perky, but she looked damn well furious. “You think I didn’t know that he fucked you? God, I am not stupid, you fucking whore.” It was Lexi’s turn to look shell shocked. Kate had known all along, and she hadn’t said anything. “I knew the first day that it happened.”
“You did?” Lexi couldn’t believe it. No one else had been out on the pier that day. No one else had known they were there. Kate certainly hadn’t even been awake that night. “How did you find out?”
“I was there. I walked into his house, because I have a key that he gave me. He had his bedroom door open, and there you two were on his bed.” Lexi’s mouth popped open. “I just loved Jack enough to see past that one incident.”
“That wasn’t the first time,” Lexi admitted to Kate the information she had withheld from Clark.
“What?”
“That was about a month ago, right?”
“That’s what you were talking about, isn’t it? You were feeling guilty, and you had to let me know about it. Well, fuck you, I already knew that it happened. I knew and could get over the fact that he was unfaithful that one time.”
“No. You have it all wrong. The first time was at the beach house.”
Kate turned and stared at her. “That was in May.”
Lexi nodded watching the news dawn on Kate. “That’s what I came here to tell you.”
“No.” Kate murmured falling back down onto the couch. “Ya’ll have been sleeping together since May? Why is he with me then?” Lexi shrugged. Lexi, of all people, did not have an answer for that. “If you’ve been sleeping together since then, why are you just telling me now? Why are you telling me at all?”
“Clark found out, and Jack wasn’t going to tell you. I thought it was right to let you know.”
“I never thought he would do this.”
Lexi rolled her eyes and then felt bad for doing it. Of course, he would do this. Then again, he probably didn’t reveal this side of himself to too many people. Lexi just happened to be on the wrong end of this scenario twice already.
“I mean, I’m a virgin.”
“What?” Lexi squeaked. She steadied herself on the molding to the front entrance. “You’re a what?”
“I just thought that if it was one time, he would get it out of his system since we don’t sleep together. We do everything else, but we don’t have sex. I didn’t think it was that big of deal, but this…this is different.”
Lexi couldn’t do anything more than stare at her. She’s a virgin. Jack had never mentioned that. Not once. The look of despair that passed over Kate seeped into Lexi. How had she done this? It was a question she couldn’t help repeating to herself. She had slept with Jack and Kate hadn’t. Jack and Kate had been together for years and never slept together. Lexi couldn’t process that information. Jack had no self-restraint. He was completely incapable of it around her. Just like she had no control around him. How was he able to go years without sleeping with Kate?
“Get out,” Kate said. “I can’t stand looking at you. You took something that wasn’t yours, and you don’t even seem remorseful. If I ever set eyes on you again, it will be too soon.”
With that Lexi pulled the front door open and rushed out of the house to her car. She was so lost in what had happened that she hadn’t even noticed the very familiar Mazda 3 pulling into the driveway. She tried to dart into her car before he would notice her, but she wasn’t quick enough. Jack hopped out of his car and sprinted to her side.
“What are you doing here?” he asked venomously.
“She is a virgin,” was the only thing Lexi could get out at the sight of him.
“Oh God,” he said running his hands through his hair. “What did you do?”
“She is a virgin.”
“Lexi,” he yelled grabbing her by the shoulders. “What did you do?”
Tears began to form in her eyes again as she looked up at the handsome face. “Why?”
“I came here to tell her.”
“Why?”
“So we could be together.”
“You didn’t want to be with me,” she said feeling her weight sinking in his grasp.
“Lex, I’ve wanted to tell you for so long…that I love you.”
Lexi’s head snapped up. “You what?”
“You’ve known for a long time. You say it to me all the time with your eyes. I came here to straighten things out with Kate. To make things right for us.”
“Did you say you love me?”
“Lex, you know I do.”
“No, no I don’t,” she said pulling herself away from him and slamming into her car door.
“You’re just lying to me.”
“I’ll never lie to you again. I’ve told you that so many times. Just let me straighten things out so we can work this out.”
“I don’t want to work it out,” she said numbly staring at him. She was still shell shocked and saying the first thing that came to her mind. How could he say those things to her? After everything he said, how did he expect her to react? Did he think she was going to roll over for him? She had made a decision in that coffee shop with Clark and she was going to stick by it. He couldn’t just come in here with his sweet talk and think everything would just go back to normal. He wanted her now, maybe, but that wasn’t good enough. He had to want her all the time. He had to need her. He had to put her first. If he loved her, that’s what he would have done from the beginning. But Jack had never put anyone first in his life. “I want to be with Clark. He wants to take me back.”
The look on Jack’s face hurt more than Lexi ever thought would be possible. “Fine. Go be miserable with your little lap dog. Forget what I said. Just forget it,” he said turning away from her, and pushing aside the lone tear that had managed to seep out of his eye. “Forget it all.”
But she would never forget.
CHAPTER 15
PRESENT
The next morning a town car pulled up in front of Ramsey’s place and waited on Lexi with breakfast and coffee. It wasn’t the type of hospitality Lexi had been expecting to receive from Bekah. When they had last parted, it hadn’t exactly been on good terms. So far, everything had officially gone completely opposite of how she had planned. All she had wanted to do was tell Bekah her story and leave Jack behind. By now she was supposed to be sitting on the back porch of her parents’ house sipping on a margarita and enjoying the remaining week at home. Instead, she found herself being whisked off to some boutique to go shopping for Jack’s birthday party.
She sighed and took a long sip of the black coffee hoping the caffeine buzz would kick her brain back to its proper mode of functioning. If she could get out of this situation sooner rather than later that would be better for her rattled nerves. The only problem was that she wasn’t sure what to tell Bekah.
Things with Jack had never been simple enough to put a label on.
For some reason, everything had to be complicated when it came to Jack. If they had just dated and got bored with each other like normal couples, then maybe she could just go to Bekah and tell her a very simple story. But under the circumstances, Lexi thought it did their relationship a disservice to reduce it to such simplicity.
How she felt about Jack crossed lines that she wasn’t sure many other people ever experienced. The way he looked at her, touched her, and seemed to understand her made the whole scenario much more difficult to explain.
And it’s not like she could tell Bekah the entire story. No one had ever heard the entire story. She was all but certain that Jack hadn’t confessed anything. No way was he going to tell anyone else about New York, and Lexi never had the heart to reveal all the details to anyone else.
So that left her back at square one. What should she tell Bekah?
Lexi had expected to pull up in front of some swank boutique. To her surprise Phipp’s Plaza appeared before her eyes. The mall parking lot was already swarming with expensive cars bustling to feed their owner’s shopping desires. Lexi hadn’t been inside since high school and the only reason she hadn’t returned was because she hadn’t been able to spend a dime in the place. It wasn’t a Manhattan boutique, but it wasn’t like Lexi could afford this either.
She pushed her bangs off her forehead as she entered into the overly air conditioned shopping centre. She felt out of place in her loose fitting purple tank and khaki shorts compared to all the fake princesses clicking along the marble in their four inch Manolos and swishing their tiny butts in professional garb.
When Lexi had received the message from Bekah, she had just been about to go out on a morning run. She hadn’t had much time to do anything but change shorts and throw her hair into a slicked back ponytail. Bekah probably wasn’t going to approve of her choice, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She hadn’t let Chyna persuade her into a five hundred dollar t-shirt, and that was her best friend. No way was she going to let this be any different. Lexi dealt with high end, wealthy people every day of her life. She was almost certain that there was nothing Bekah could send her way that would throw her off track.
Bekah’s nose turned up ever so slightly as Lexi approached the entrance to Jimmy Choo. She placed a fantastic pair of brown leather boots back on the stand and sauntered up to the tiny girl. Bekah had never been one to put much effort into her appearance. She had always been the beautiful Southern Belle with long flowing blonde hair, baby blue eyes, and a clear complexion. She always stood out from the crowd and the wealth her parents bestowed her only helped with her wonderful wardrobe.
Under differing circumstances, she could see why Jack had thought she would get along with Lexi. She had the same no theatrics beauty, and carried herself as if she owned the world. She looked just as beautiful, if not more so, than any of the other women who spent millions every year trying to achieve the flawlessness that came to these two women naturally.
This girl obviously had charm.
“Lexi, how wonderful to see you,” Bekah trilled giving her a quick hug.
Lexi was momentarily caught off guard by Bekah’s continued hospitality. This girl really was an enigma. One moment she was a snotty nosed bitch out for her life, and the next she was all happy-go-lucky girl next door. What was scarier was that Lexi didn’t know how to predict her actions. Was it something that Jack had said that forced this woman to play nice with her today? Did Jack even know that they were out together again? Lexi hadn’t bothered to call him. She knew she would have to speak with him eventually. She just didn’t know how much of him she could handle yet. He acted as if everything was fine and there was nothing between them, but then there were moments…shining moments where he was her Jack all over again. And she knew in those moments, she was lost. He would somehow work his magic and make her remember what it was like to be with him. That was when she needed to be on guard the most. She had to get closure. Wasn’t that what all this was about?
Her thoughts seemed to press in at her temples, and she forced a smile onto her face as the pain continued to crush in on her. She didn’t want to think about that right now. She had been able to forget for the briefest of moments about Jack while she had been with Ramsey. That had been her break. Now, she needed to get back to reality and fight out this battle so she could move on with her life.
“Good to see you too,” she said pulling away from the embrace. “What are we up to?”
“You’ll never believe it,” Bekah began ushering her away from Jimmy Choo. A slight glint in her eye remained as she passed the high heeled boots she had been holding.
“What?” Lexi asked feigning interest.
“I had this gorgeous one-of-a-kind handmade Vera shipped to me last week for Jack’s big day. Well, my seamstress got a hold of it to do some last minute repairs and destroyed it.” The look on Bekah’s face was pure devastation. “I’ve never fired anyone so fast, and she’s been working for my family for years. You can’t go and ruin a brand new dress. I’ve no idea what she was thinking, but there was no way to salvage it and still have the desired effect.”
“So, you need a new dress.”
“As do you,” Bekah told her angling her body to direct them into Barney’s.
“Oh, no I don’t think so. I can’t afford…”
“Money isn’t an option,” Bekah said the twinkle in her eye replaced by something else…a bit more mischievous.
“I’d never be able to repay you. I simply cannot accept anything, but I’d be happy to help you find something,” Lexi said not wanting to ever be in debt to this woman or anyone else other than the Federal government for her student loans.
“I’ll take answers to my questions as payment. How does that sound?” Bekah asked.
“I don’t think so,” she said uncertainly.
“Let’s just talk and if we find something for you, then that was payment, and if not, then you’re just fine. Is that better?”
Lexi chewed on her bottom lip not wanting to give in to her. She tucked a lock behind her right ear and fidgeted outside of the store. “Fine, but I doubt I’ll find anything.”
“Great!” Bekah exclaimed linking her arm through Lexi’s and pulling her into the store.
They were immediately greeted by a tall, leggy associate with maroon hair and heavy makeup. She couldn’t have been over thirty years old, but somehow with all the caked on layers she appeared older. “Miss Bridges, what a great surprise to see you in the store today,” the woman said standing demurely before the perfume counter.
“Thank you, Katherine. My friend and I need something spectacular for Jack’s big event tomorrow. Can you try to keep us away from the racks?” she asked smiling sweetly.
“Oh, I think I know exactly what you mean,” she said nodding and rushing towards the women’s department. Lexi could tell she was excited that they had come in that day since she was pretty sure everyone in this store worked on commission. Selling them two dresses for an obscene amount of money, not to mention anything else Bekah set her heart’s desire on, could keep her afloat for several months.
As Katherine bustled around the back of the store, Lexi and Bekah got comfortable in the fitting area. Lexi didn’t really know where to go next. Bekah had tried to make the conversation light and civil last time, and that hadn’t worked. They both kept getting jealous and unintentionally saying things that made the other belligerent.
Lexi hoped that if she answered the questions truthfully, Bekah could then make up her own mind about Jack’s past discretions. Lexi didn’t necessarily feel the need to lead Bekah one way or another about Jack. His actions should speak for themselves. If Bekah still felt that Jack was worth her time after the conversation, then that was her decision.
“So…uh…where to begin?” Lexi asked fiddling with her thumbs.
“Can you calm down please?” Bekah asked sipping on some hot tea that appeared before them by another associate. Lexi smiled trying to sweep away her worries. She really did need to calm down.
“Yeah, alright.” She didn’t sound all that convincing though.
“So, can I start it off then?” Bekah asked setting her tea down on a saucer and leaning back into the green cushion. Before waiting for an answer, she began, “Do you love him?”
Lexi just stared at Bekah. That question hadn’t been asked in the past tense. She gulped hard and fully contemplated her answer. On one side, yes of course she loved him. She loved him so much it hurt to breathe. It hurt to think. It hurt to get up every morning without him. But on the other hand, she didn’t know if what they had, had ever truly been love. When he said that he loved her, did he mean it? How could she actually know, when they had never been afforded the opportunity to fully appreciate what they had?
“I believe a part of me has always and will always love Jack. Yes,” she finally stated in a strangled whisper. She hated so much admitting that, especially to his beautiful, perfect girlfriend. Yes, she was in love with Jack. No matter that they hadn’t been together. No matter that he had left her without a backwards glance, without a single act of desperation on his part. She did love him. But something about the feeling had changed and evolved over time. It wasn’t really the same question or the same answer Lexi could give had she been asked the same thing two years ago.
“I’m glad that’s out of the way,” Bekah said blowing out the breath she had been holding. “I was afraid we wouldn’t have anything in common.”
What a strange thing for her to say.
“Now that that’s all out in the open, can we just try and talk about your relationship with Jack. I just want the facts. I want to know why ya’ll didn’t work out if you actually do love him, and I truly want to find out if I’m actually what he’s looking for.” Her eyes had enlarged at the last statement and Lexi could tell inadequacy wasn’t something she was used to dealing with.
“Can I ask you something?” Lexi questioned Bekah.
“Sure, I guess it’s only fair.”
“Why would you want to talk to me? I mean, why would you want to talk to any of us? Danielle and Kate and I have all had intimate relationships with Jack. Relationships with him that you will never really understand, because every relationship is in some way different than what you are experiencing. And while you could probably pick up on a pattern of some sort, and coming from an insider’s perspective, I really don’t think there is one. I’ve known Jack for a long time, and he’s pretty much been the same guy since I’ve known him. He’s had his ups and downs like everyone, but he’s pretty much the same. I …well, I don’t know why you would want to open up that can of worms,” Lexi said spewing out everything in rapid succession.
“I disagree,” Bekah said folding her hands one over another, “I think there is a pattern.”
“And what’s that?”
“I’m not certain yet, but there’s really only ever been one constant throughout his relationships. I didn’t see it when I first started asking questions or even when I talked to Jack about it.”
“But you see it now?”
“Well, I think you are the pattern.”
“Me?” she asked incredulously.
“That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I feel that Jack has always had rather strong affections for you. I noticed it when ya’ll look at each other, when he spoke to you, when you kissed my brother,” she said. “But I also could tell when I talked to ya’ll separately. He would get this look on his face. You would get very defensive. It was little things that were out of the ordinary for him,” she explained. “Now, if something is still going on, then I’d like to know about it. If not, then honestly I want ya’ll to tell me that it’s over so that he can move on.”
Closure. It always came back to closure. If she was the missing link that explained why Jack couldn’t seem to commit to anyone, then how could they ever come to closure?
Before Lexi had a chance to respond, Katherine returned from the back room with two full racks of clothes specifically catered to each individual. They wasted away the afternoon fluttering from one designer to another and discussing the tragic outcome of Lexi’s relationship with Jack. She hadn’t been able to reveal all of the details as she originally had anticipated, but Lexi was pretty certain that Bekah had gotten enough information out of her that it would sate her desire for the time being. What she did with the information was an entirely different story. Lexi hadn’t gotten a single clue as to whether or not what she was providing Bekah with was helping or hurting Bekah’s understanding of Jack.
Inevitably, she did end up leaving the mall with a single dress from Barney’s. Katherine had been exceedingly accurate with Lexi’s size, and without even realizing it, Lexi had found the perfect dress. And as luck turned out, it was also the most expensive dress she had ever had the luxury of trying on her tiny frame. She had gulped at the infinite number of zeros attached to the piece of paper and wondered faintly why God hated her. However, true to her word, Bekah had retrieved a black credit card from her designer bag and handed it to Katherine, paying in full for everything surrounding them. Apparently, she had answered enough questions correctly to deliver payment for her time.
As she made her way towards the entrance, where Bekah informed her that the same town car was awaiting her, she felt strangely at ease. One of reasons she had come to Atlanta again had been successfully fulfilled. No longer would she have to agonize about Bekah, and her potentially deviant plots to get her to confess. Lexi hadn’t told her everything, but she had disclosed enough to keep her appetite hampered.
Lexi was almost to the exit, when Bekah stopped her. “Let’s just have a peek,” she exclaimed, her eyes shifting to her right.
Lexi’s stomach dropped at the store front before her. Tiffany’s. Bekah had directed her straight to the entrance of Tiffany’s. Now, suffice it to say that jewelry stores made Lexi nervous. She had never been able to put her finger on it, but something about the inside of them made her skin crawl. Her body would break out into a cold sweat, and she couldn’t help but chew on her bottom lip. She couldn’t go in there.
“I really can’t…” she stammered.
“Oh, come on. We don’t have to get anything. Just a quick look,” Bekah said, her smile bright and vibrant at the prospect. She grabbed a hold of Lexi’s elbow and hauled her through the well lit storefront. Bekah’s eyes barely focused on the stunning collections before her. She ignored the eager looks from the sales associates as she dragged Lexi to the counter. Lexi felt as if she had hit the top of a rollercoaster ride, and her stomach was on auto-pilot down the metallic runway.
Engagement rings clouded her vision. Perfectly cut, perfectly designed, flawless engagement rings on display shining brilliantly in the light. Lexi’s hands were shaking as she reached out to touch the glass for support. This was not good. She could not be here with Bekah. It was all fine and dandy when they were shopping for dresses, but this…this was entirely different. She couldn’t imagine one of these beautiful stones on Bekah’s finger securing her to the man she loved…to the man Lexi loved. She swiped a thin layer of sweat from her brow.
“Aren’t they gorgeous?” Bekah cooed, her extra thick blond hair framing her face as her eyes ballooned at the prospect of owning such a rock.
“They’re…they’re something,” Lexi mumbled coughing into her wrist.
“I’d love this one,” she said pointing to a large princess cut diamond set on a gold band.
“Would you like to try it on?” the sales associate asked materializing out of thin air with a set of keys. He undid the lock and procured the ring from its home before she even had an option of declining.
“Oh dear,” Bekah exclaimed taking the ring and sliding it onto her ring finger. To Lexi’s pleasant surprise it was much too large. It would have to be downsized considerably to even look remotely good on her finger. Regardless, the diamond still shone true and her French manicured hands only increased the beauty and perfection that was now placed on her hand. “Well, that won’t do quite yet,” Bekah conceded handing the ring back to the associate. “Next time perhaps,” she added.
“I think…I should go,” Lexi said retreating.
“Yes,” Bekah said glancing up at her, “we should go. Are you alright? You don’t look well.”
“I’ll be fine,” Lexi said hurrying out of Tiffany’s and back into the open air. She let out a long breath and felt color return to her cheeks.
“Well, I’ll see you Friday, if not beforehand,” Bekah said nodding her head at Lexi as she exited. Lexi fell into the cool comforting town car and forced her mind to wander in other directions. The last thing she needed to consider was engagement rings and proposals.
*****
Ramsey had vaguely hinted that he would be out when she returned from her shopping excursion. Something related to work though he hadn’t given any details and had evaded any further questioning on the subject. He had slipped a key into her purse before letting her out of the house, and told her that she was welcome back whenever she had completed her errands. After depositing the hanger in the upstairs guest bedroom and letting any remaining thoughts of engagements flutter from her mind, Lexi found that she was surprisingly relaxed. She had a new fabulous dress. She never had to speak to Jack’s snotty girlfriend again. And soon enough, she would be spending some much needed time with her family. Not much else could get her this excited. The only issue that she had left to deal with was talking to Jack.
She needed to figure out what was going on between them before she left for New York this weekend. She only had a couple days left, and every time they had been together had held sexual tension or outright anger. If she was ever going to let him go, then she needed to get everything out of the way…out in the air.
That is how she found herself hailing a taxi to take her back to his place. It had only been three days since she had last stepped foot into his apartment, but it felt like a lifetime.
The late night attendant, she had passed while entering the building only a couple days earlier, seemed to remember her and buzzed her through to Jack’s floor. She knocked once before twisting the knob, finding it open. The lights were dim as she entered and a flickering of light was coming from down the hall. No sounds could be heard from the apartment, and as she walked past the kitchen, candlelight seemed to take over. A hundred or more candles of varying shapes and sizes filled the living room and more lit the dining room where two plates were set and a bottle of wine sat chilled.
Lexi’s mind was whirling. This couldn’t be for her. Why would he do something like this for her? Did he just want to confuse her? Granted, it was beautiful. She could feel tears welling to her eyes as they drifted from one romantic scene to the next. Is this what it felt like to have Jack be only yours?
Except he wasn’t.
He belonged to Bekah. So, what was he doing making her feel like this now? After she had confessed nearly everything to his girlfriend. After he had flown her down here to convince the new girl that she was what he wanted. Was this a thank you? Did he actually think he had to thank her for what she had done? Because this wasn’t helping her ability to get closure.
“Do you like it?” Jack asked from behind her. Lexi turned slowly and took in the beautiful man in front of her. Thankfully, he wasn’t over dressed. He wore a pair of dark loose fit jeans and a white linen button up rolled up to his elbows. His blue eyes were momentarily hidden under his midnight hair. His complexion was dark from the summer sun which only added to the exotic effect he was exuding.
“I…well…yes, but why?” she asked her eyes leaving his sexy body and falling on things that she was more capable of discerning accurately with her heart racing like it was.
“Because I needed to apologize,” he said stepping towards her.
“Is this how you apologize to everyone?” she asked attempting to keep her eyes averted. He was standing so close she could almost feel the heat rising off of him.
She knew he was smirking without glancing at him. “This is how I wanted to apologize to you.”
“You shouldn’t have,” she said weakly.
