Текст книги "Avoiding Commitment"
Автор книги: K. A. Linde
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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 29 страниц)
Lexi gulped even harder this time fear glistening in her eyes. She realized that she was compulsively threading hair behind her ears from anxiety. She had never wanted things to turn out this way, but somewhere along the way everything had been flipped upside down. How could she tell Clark what had happened between her and Jack? If she just blurted out the facts, it would make her look bad. Worse than she actually was, but if she left something out that Jack had divulged he would know she was lying and hiding things from him. It was the prisoner’s dilemma she had learned about in school. Except there was no winning side to giving away any information. “We slept together.”
“You slept with him?” Clark asked hardly containing his disbelief. She nodded. “When?”
“May.”
He did the math in his head. “Almost eight months ago?” he cried. “When did you have time? We were together all month.”
She choked back tears before answering him honestly. “It was at the beach house.”
“Are you fucking joking? While I was asleep in the same house? Has it happened since then?” Lexi sighed heavily and shook her head no. “I don’t believe you. You mean to tell me that you fucked eight months ago, and it hasn’t happened once since then.”
“No, it hasn’t. We decided not to.”
“Oh, for your own fucking sake,” he paced rapidly around the room doing anything to keep from looking at her.
“It hasn’t happened again.”
“How do you expect me to believe that?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
“I don’t think you fucking know what that is.” Lexi remained silent not wanting to egg on his anger. “Have you done anything else since then?”
“Yes. We kissed some, and I would spend the night at his place.”
“Oh, you just kissed a little. You want me to believe that you spent the night and didn’t fuck? I told you not to lie to me.”
“We didn’t do anything more.”
“What about last night?” he asked cornering her.
“What about last night? Nothing happened.”
“I wouldn’t say nothing! I saw you at Chamber with him all over you.”
Lexi’s mouth dropped open. She hadn’t been manic and delusional. Someone actually had been watching her all along. She couldn’t believe it. “You were watching me?”
“Yes and I’m not ashamed of it either. You would have never told me the truth, and I needed to see ya’ll together for real.”
“I can’t believe you would do that.”
“I know, because I’m not the scheming scumbag who goes behind people’s backs. That would be you and your little fuck buddy. I can’t fucking believe you, Lexi. Were you even careful? Did he get checked for diseases? How could you sleep with me after you slept with him? How could you even look at me with those big beautiful brown eyes of yours and tell me you love me? When you obviously don’t.”
“I do love you,” she said quietly.
“I don’t want to hear that from your deceitful, manipulative, lying mouth.”
“I am so sorry, Clark,” Lexi gasped sucking in deep breaths between tears.
“I still can’t believe you actually slept with him” He crashed back against the bed burying his face into his hands. “You little whore.”
Lexi’s glazed eyes stared down at him. Her humiliation was evident. “It wasn’t like that.”
“You slept with him while you were with me,” he said through clenched teeth. Finally, looking up at her, he said, “That makes you a whore.” She brushed her palm against her cheeks forcefully. It did no good, the tears kept coming faster. “After all that bullshit you fed me about ya’ll just being friends. After all the warnings I gave you about him.” She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him as his anger intensified. “Fuck, Lexi, you told me yourself that you didn’t think he had been faithful with one person he’d ever been with. Why would you let this happen? How could you let this happen? Do you think you are special? Do you think he’s just going to leave Kate for you? He just wanted to fuck you. And, now he’s done that. Try to explain to me how that doesn’t make you a whore?” he spat at her.
She had no answer for him. She had never felt so belittled before in her life, and she knew that she deserved every word. She had made a terrible mistake, and then on top of that she had attempted to hide her dirty actions. No wonder everyone had told her that she was acting uptight lately. She had been carrying around such a weight on her shoulders since that night in May. It was almost a relief that Clark knew.
“I just…I need to get out of here and think about this,” Clark said standing resolutely. He brushed past her and entered the living room.
“Clark…” she cried as he pulled the door open. “What does this mean for…for us?”
“I really don’t know, Lexi. I just can’t look at you right now. I’ll just…call you tomorrow after I’ve had time to think about all of this,” he said turning away from her and shutting the door.
Lexi crumpled to the floor shuddering from the tears raking her body. She could not believe that had just happened. How had she been so stupid to let this happen? She had just let the best guy she had ever had in her life slip through her fingers.
After a minute, Olivia came out of her room and sat on the floor next to Lexi. She scooped her up in her arms and held her as she bawled.
“Did…did you...h…hear all…of that?” Lexi asked her through her tears.
“Yeah, honey, I heard it. Why didn’t you just tell me? You know I would have been there for you. You know I would have kept everything a secret. I can’t believe you went through all of this alone,” Olivia said brushing aside her bangs. The movement reminded her so much of Jack that it only intensified her tears.
“I…I don’t either. I just…thought…that I could…handle this,” she muttered.
“Alright, darling. You have to get up. Take a shower, and then things will look a little brighter.”
Lexi nodded as Olivia ushered her out of the living room. “No!” she cried suddenly.
“What?”
“I have to go talk to Jack,” Lexi decided.
“I don’t think that’s the best thing for you right now.”
“Jack told him everything. How could he do that?”
“I’m almost certain Clark threatened him into it, but that doesn’t matter. Seeing that boy while you’re in this state is a really, really bad idea.”
“No, Livy, let me go. I need to go find out why the hell he would tell him everything and not warn me,” she said pulling away from Olivia and running for her keys.
She was in the car before Olivia could utter another comment about staying home. She drove much too fast to Jack’s house, swerving to get around rather slow drivers. She skidded to a halt in his parking lot, and dashed out of the front seat. Bursting through the still unlocked door, Lexi darted into Jack’s room. She could tell just by looking at him that he had showered. Her heart melted at the sight. She was furious about what he had done, but her heart still longed for him. She wanted things to go back to the way they were only this morning. She wished with all her being that she didn’t have to be angry at him.
"Lexi, what are you doing back already?" Jack asked surprise written on his face. "Are you okay? Have you been crying?" He rushed forward to meet her. She backed away not wanting to feel his hands on her.
“How could you tell him?” she asked breaking down into tears for the second time that morning.
CHAPTER 13
PRESENT
“Where are you taking me?” Lexi asked Ramsey for what felt like the hundredth time since they had been driving. She hadn’t thought much of it at first, but then as her mind registered the direction the car was taking them she began to get more suspicious.
For some reason, she had expected them to stay in Buckhead and have dinner at a fancy five star restaurant over candlelight, perhaps serenade her with live classical music, red wine, and caviar. Show off his wealth to reel her in. She wasn’t sure what had triggered that idea beyond just the fact that she had assumed all people in Country Clubs went on ridiculously impressive dates.
Jennifer, her college dorm mate, had told her many times about extravagant opulence displayed before her by men her parents had set her up on dates with. Lexi had always been wary of those types of stories and wondered if women actually succumbed to such antics. One too many towels on Lexi’s dorm door confirmed that they did actually work. As Jennifer proved this time and time again, Lexi slowly became adjusted to the fact that lavishness was more like a prerequisite.
She was relieved that she didn’t have to go through another awkward situation such as what occurred at the Country Club. She hadn’t exactly wanted to go on this…outing with Ramsey, but after how he had treated her she had given in. He had called it a date and she certainly couldn’t forget his words. He had smiled so brilliantly at her acceptance that she had almost been duped into believing she had made the right decision. But how could she really feel like that? He had so many strikes against him already. Setting aside the kindness he had showed at his party, he was a member of a Country Club, he was related to Bekah, and clearly had no concern for others’ personal boundaries.
All in all, she figured this was a huge mistake.
Her brain was working in overdrive attempting to discern where he was taking her. His forced silence on the subject only made her more curious. She had really only known this guy for one day, and the only good quality she had recognized besides his charming good looks was that he hadn’t slept with her.
Maybe that was pretty big for guys, but she had blacked out and was entrusted into his care by his sister. Obviously that meant something to him.
“Really, Ramsey, where are we going? We’re getting pretty close to my parents’ house, which I should remind you, is very far away from your place,” she told him.
“We’re close to your parents’ place?” he asked glancing over at her.
Lexi twisted her fingers back and forth in her lap, uncomfortable with revealing more information. Not that she was ashamed of her family by any means. In fact, she really got along with her parents and two younger sisters. But after being reminded of the Country Club, expensive Buckhead condominiums, and insane parties that resulted from such wealth, Lexi didn’t really feel comfortable explaining middle class to someone who had never had a bank account with less than seven digits. She had never even taken Chyna home, and she loved the girl to death.
“Uh, I guess. I mean I don’t really know where we are,” she explained trying to maneuver the conversation back to their destination and farther away from her.
“We’re close,” he said adding a wink at the end.
“We’re close?” she asked arching an eyebrow.
“Are you not close? I mean, you are sitting right next to me,” he commented trying to keep the devilish smirk off of his face.
She smiled brightly, happy that she was still capable of flirtatious banter with someone other than Jack. “Oh yes…in the sense,” she said looking at him from under her eyelashes.
He burst out laughing in a loud, boisterous, uninhibited manner that she had witnessed at the Country Club before brunch. It had annoyed her the day before even confused her a little, but maybe that was just part of his personality. Perhaps, there was more to him than what met the eye, but she wasn’t going to keep her hopes up. She would be polite and let him take her out to dinner this one night.
“So how close are we?”
He jerked his head to the side at her husky tone. He had liked her when they had first met, because she had been completely forthright with him. She cared very little for his status, and showed it. He liked her the night before when she had been drunk, unrestrained, and outgoing. Her endearing personality only intensified with the alcohol. But this woman he was with tonight, he seemed to think he liked the best of all. He saw her possess the same strong-willed determination and unblemished character she revealed in the morning and the natural engaging playfulness that resulted from a combination of liquors. He could certainly get used to her surprising personality.
His eyes roamed her face resting where her bottom lip was caught between her teeth in a thoughtful expression. God, she had tasted so good the night before. He wasn’t sure how he had been able to restrain himself. He hadn’t told her that she had propositioned him in her drunken stupor. He was almost certain that a woman of her caliber would be mortified that she had been so willing to give herself away. Possibly even more mortified that he had turned her down flat. That he had had to peel her arms off of him and practically wrestle her under the covers, he had also left out of the story. Still, when she had managed to weasel her arms back around him pressing her tiny form against him, he had still found the strength to extract her eager body from him. He remembered how readily his body had reacted to her. He gulped and attempted to force those thoughts out of his head.
“Probably only about ten, maybe fifteen, minutes,” he answered her.
She rested back into his comfortable champagne colored seat and felt her phone buzz in her purse. She extracted the old thing and checked the text message.
“You busy?”
Lexi sighed as she stared at the words on her screen. She hadn’t exactly been expecting a text message from Jack, and she didn’t want to dampen her mood with thoughts of him. She closed the phone and placed it back in its position.
“What’s up?” Ramsey asked curiosity getting the better of him.
“Um…oh…nothing,” she answered not wanting to address the situation with him. So far it seemed that he knew little of what had happened with her and Jack, and why she was in Atlanta in the first place. If at all possible, she would really like to keep it that way. Jack had a funny way of ruining every relationship she had ever been in. Even though she had no thoughts of that for Ramsey, she wasn’t going to risk anything just yet.
Lexi heard her phone buzz again. Annoyed, she stared down at the message. “Lex?”
She really did not want to deal with him right now. She quickly shoved the phone deeper in her purse. Hopefully, she wouldn’t be able to know if he messaged her again.
As they neared their destination, they listened to whatever was playing on the radio. Neither of them minding what was coming through the top 40 station at that moment. Realization began to dawn on her as stared out at the horizon, but she shook her head in disbelief.
No, he couldn’t be taking her there. She hadn’t been there since she was a kid. Beyond that fact, it wasn’t exactly a place to take your date. She had always gone there with family or church groups. More a place for group entertainment than dating. Not that she was looking for a normal sort of date from Ramsey. She had only been thinking a while ago that she was relieved he hadn’t taken her to some special five star dinner, but this was really about as far from that as a person could get.
Ramsey reached the gate and handed over a wad of cash to the eighty-something year old attendant and breezed his Mercedes into the establishment. They took the winding road past rows and rows of pine trees until they reached a valet parking lot at the front entrance.
Lexi glanced around in awe and wonder at Stone Mountain. Her eyes focused in on the giant mural that had been hand-carved into the rock during the Civil War as a testament to their faith in the Confederacy. She felt like a speck next to the giant mountain that tourists from all over came to climb and enjoy the surrounding park which consisted of camping grounds, a water park, train station, and over the summer an amazing laser show. This was the last place she had expected Ramsey to take her. For some reason, that made it all the better. Surprisingly enough, he didn’t think that he needed all of his wealth to impress her, and he was right. At this moment, she was impressed.
She flattened out her green spaghetti strap dress she had worn for the occasion and silently thanked God that she had decided on brown thong sandals instead of her heels. Ramsey jogged around the car and directed her towards the stone pathway leading to the lawn reserved for the laser show. She let her eyes leave her surroundings long enough to glance at her date for the evening. He wore a nicely cut polo that matched the green shade of his eyes and fitted khaki pants paired with brown flipflops. She liked his casual attire, and wished she had paid more attention before. She might have realized that they wouldn’t be going to some extravagant place had she recognized his flip-flops before this moment.
“I hope you’re hungry,” he said as they walked around the corner and down another path that opened up to the main lawn.
“Starving, actually,” she admitted cringing at how that sounded.
He smiled at her bluntness. Yet another feature that he was starting to like about her. “Good. We have a banquet.”
When they reached the grass, they trekked forward through a line of people. Apparently, everyone was setting up for the laser show. It was the last week before school officially started for the public schools in the area, which generally brought out more spectators than any week except Memorial Day Weekend and Fourth of July. Lexi had no idea how they were going to find a quiet place to sit and eat after arriving so late for the show.
She should have suspected something was up when a large opening in the crowd appeared before her. Her mouth dropped open at the display before her. Ramsey had called ahead and had the area cleared specifically for them. A large quilted blanket, much like the ones she slept with back in Manhattan, covered a ten by ten space on the lawn. A giant wicker picnic basket sat at the center of the roped off expanse and a cooler directly next to it. It was the most ideal location for watching the show. He must have done all this hours earlier. A grin broke out across her face.
“Is this the kind of treatment you reserve for all your dates?” she asked sitting down on the massive blanket.
Ramsey smiled brightly at her, still standing. “Not exactly,” he admitted.
Lexi had been joking, not expecting an answer in the first place. Though, she wasn’t sure if he was telling the truth anyway. It could just be a line. She couldn’t picture the type of women she had seen at his party the night before being happy with an outdoor picnic and laser show as their first date. She shook her head realizing that she was overanalyzing. Who cares if he didn’t normally take girls on dates here?
Luckily, he had learned his lesson and sat on the opposite side of the blanket from her giving her a wide berth. He was always so up in her face and it really just brought out the worst in her.
“I didn’t know what you wanted,” Ramsey began digging into the basket, “so I just got a bunch of things. You can decide what you like.”
“When did you have time for this?” she asked. She had stayed at his house all afternoon. Granted, she had felt like shit much of that time and took nearly an hour long shower.
“I just made a list and had some people take care of it,” he said sheepishly.
“Oh.” She should have figured. It could have been worse. He could have not gone to the trouble. She shook her head again in frustration. Why did she care whether or not he went and picked out dinner for them? She had to keep reminding herself she didn’t really want to be here. Right?
Lexi watched him extract a bag of green grapes from the bag and immediately snatched them out of his grasp. He jolted in surprise. She sent a smile his way and popped one into her mouth.
Ramsey couldn’t help himself from staring at her. Lexi’s cheeks were flushed from the Georgia summer heat and lips wet from licking off the grape juice that had squirted onto her bottom lip. He gulped heavily fishing around in the basket for something to distract him. He uncovered the remaining food and removed two cans of Coke for them.
She caught him watching her, and in her eagerness scooted closer towards him so they were nearly touching. “Want one?” Lexi asked holding a grape between her fingers. He nodded and before he could reach out to take the fruit, she pressed it in between his lips.
He crunched down on the fruit trying to act as if that hadn’t affected him. “Thanks.”
Lexi batted her eyelashes before sitting back on her side of the blanket. Her hand brushed her bag and felt the vibrations through the material. She retrieved the device and flipped it open. “Are you okay? Where are you? Why aren’t you returning my texts? Lexi?!?”
Lexi sighed heavily and bit her lip as she read through Jack’s text message. She had completely forgotten about messaging him back. She quickly typed out a reply and closed her phone. “Sorry. Alive.”
“You got to your parents safe then?”
Turning her head to look at Ramsey’s perfect bone structure, she giggled a little to herself. Man, if Jack knew where she was at this moment, he would have a fit. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him though. At least, not over text message. Not when she couldn’t use the information as leverage. “Safe.”
“Anyone important?” Ramsey asked casually taking a bite of the sandwich in his hand.
Lexi rolled her eyes. “Just Jack again.” God, she hated how familiar this all felt.
“Ahh...” he said unsure if he was prepared to broach that subject.
“Do you want to come over tomorrow or something?”
Lexi sighed again. Did she want to go see him? Yes. No. There wasn’t really a good answer. If she was honest with herself, the answer would be yes. The answer would always be yes. She always wanted to see him. She hadn’t spent any time with him in two years, and she missed him. A part of her always missed him. They had gone through so much, it was hard to not want to be around him. Even though things always ended so fucked up, her brain wouldn’t let her forget the in between times when things were oh so good.
“Yeah. I’ll let you know.”
“Great.”
“So what’s up with you and Jack?” Ramsey asked against his better judgment. Lexi’s eyes immediately darkened.
“Oh, just...you know,” she stated vaguely unsure how much she wanted to reveal. He didn’t know anything now which was probably for the better.
“Not really. You two seemed pretty heated last night. Was he just drunk? I’d never seen him that way before,” Ramsey admitted hoping to push the right buttons. He could see her begin to visibly relax as the attention fell away from her.
“I’ve just known Jack for a long time, and he’s pretty protective. Kind of like an older brother,” she said dryly. She couldn’t help thinking that Jack would make the worst older brother in the world.
Ramsey smirked noticing the ever-so-slight twitch in her muscles that indicated she was lying. He had always considered himself a great judge of character even when his parents hadn’t. Lexi’s phone began to buzz next to her again.
“Hello?” Lexi asked not recognizing the Atlanta phone number. Last time that had happened, she had been led here. That thought almost made her want to drop the call, but the sound of a chirpy voice cut off her line of reasoning.
“Hello, dear,” Bekah said from the other line.
Cringing at the uppity sound of her voice, Lexi pulled the phone away from her ear. “What’s up?”
“Where are you?”
No way had Jack put her up to this. Then again she had to have gotten the number from somewhere, and Jack was the prime suspect. “I’m busy. Was there something you needed?” Lexi asked avoiding the question.
She let her eyes fall back on Ramsey who looked at her inquisitively. She shrugged and mouth Bekah to him. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“Yes,” Bekah stated rather deliberately. “I don’t believe we’ve finished our conversation yet. Do you have plans tomorrow? I’d really like to take you shopping for Jack’s big day, and we can talk then.”
Jack’s big day? She hadn’t heard anything about his big day. What was his big day? What were they celebrating? She had no idea, but she didn’t particularly want to give Bekah the satisfaction of knowing that piece of information.
“Fine. How about I call you tomorrow?”
“Sounds great, sweetie,” Bekah said happily. “Jack, stop,” Lexi heard her mutter playfully in the phone. She didn’t even know if Jack was actually there or if Bekah was just being a bitch. She supposed it didn’t really matter since it had worked. Lexi could feel her heart constricting and pain crease her temples. Her throat was closing up and she felt her body seizing at the thought of Jack being alone with Bekah. Lexi coughed uncomfortably and said a rushed goodbye before slamming the phone shut.
“What was that about?” Ramsey asked, concern evident in his voice.
“Your sister wants to take me shopping,” Lexi informed him pushing several strands of hair behind her ear forcefully.
“That’s nice of her,” Ramsey said. Though for some reason, he didn’t really think it was.
Lexi snorted. “Nice. Right.”
“You don’t have to hang out with her,” he stated absentmindedly. He passed a sandwich to her, and she reached into the basket to investigate the contents further.
“Yeah, I know, but Jack wants me to,” she said shrugging.
“Why is that?” he asked honestly curious.
Lexi shrugged again. “Beats me. We’ve known each other for a long time, and I guess since I’m here he wants me to get to know his girlfriend too.”
Ramsey took a deep breath to keep from asking too many more questions. “How long are you here for exactly?”
“School starts on Monday. I guess until Sunday then. A week total.” Lexi smiled at the grimace that crossed his face. She wasn’t entirely sure if that was because she was staying too long or too short, but she was going to go with the latter. She had found herself in quite an interesting scenario.
“I guess you’ll be here long enough for Jack’s birthday then,” Ramsey said leaning back on his elbows and examining her reaction.
Lexi’s mouth popped open in surprise. Oh my God. How had she forgotten his birthday? Of course, it was his birthday this weekend. And, if she recalled, this was a big one indeed. Twenty-five years old. Wow. A quarter of his lifetime gone by, and she had known him since he was just nineteen. She couldn’t believe she had forgotten. “Oh, yeah. What is he doing exactly?”
She couldn’t believe she was asking Ramsey for information about this. Why hadn’t Jack mentioned it? Had he assumed she wouldn’t come? Did he not want her to be there? There were so many questions that she needed answered. At least now she understood why Bekah wanted to go shopping for Jack’s big day.
“You don’t know?” he asked skeptically.
“I wasn’t really filled in,” she admitted awkwardly.
He sure thought it was strange that she had come to visit Jack, but he hadn’t even invited her to his birthday celebration. “It’ll be a surprise for you too. Want to go with me?”
Lexi was interrupted from answering as her phone went off in her hand. “Goddamn it. Who wants to talk to me now?” Lexi popped open the phone. “Hello.”
“Alexa!” Chyna squealed on the other line. “Oh my goodness, chica, I have missed you. How have things been going with, you know, everything? Are you planning to come home to me sooner rather than later?”
Lexi’s laughed as soon as she heard her best friend’s voice. “Chyna, it’s so good to hear from you.” Lexi glanced over at Ramsey who’s expression had lightened in accord with her own enthusiasm. “Sorry to disappoint, but it doesn’t look like I’ll be joining you back home anytime soon. Though I do miss New York terribly.”
“I knew you would,” Chyna trilled. “How could you not? I know the summer is scathingly hot, but to get away to go somewhere not only hot, but humid? Disgusting.”
“You convinced me to come down here in the first place,” she reminded her, getting lost in their conversation and not realizing that she was giving away information in front of Ramsey.
“Yes, well, how does closure suit you?”
“Actually,” Lexi said pushing her hair behind her ear as she glanced at Ramsey’s all too curious face, “I can’t really talk about that right now.”
“And why not? You’re supposed to be with your family tonight, right?”
“Err...”
“Oh my God, Alexa, you are not with him right now are you?”
Lexi’s brows furrowed together hoping to God that Ramsey couldn’t hear Chyna’s end of the conversation. “No, no, no, no, no,” she muttered quickly. “I’m just...um.”
“Do not lie to your best friend.”
“I’m not lying,” she quickly corrected. “I’m just...on a date.” Ramsey’s bright smile at the recognition of their date was totally worth it. This guy seriously had everything going for him. Which begged the question, what was he doing with her? But she couldn’t think about that right now.
“What?” Chyna squealed. Then thinking the better of it, she asked, “With whom? Jack? It better not be Jack. Your vague texts over the past two days haven’t been enough. Fill me in. What’s going on?”
“Chyna, I’m kind of in the middle of something here,” Lexi reminded her.
“Oh geez, Alexa, I’m sorry. I’ll let you go, but I better get some details. You know how long I’ve been waiting for this to happen. If you don’t call me by tomorrow...”
Lexi cut her off. “Good night, Chyna.” Lexi closed the phone and turned the damn thing off not wanting another such distraction. “I’m so sorry. I’m usually not this popular,” she admitted smiling at Ramsey who just shrugged off the statements.
“No problem at all. Was that someone from home?”
“Yeah, my best friend,” she told him.
Luckily, there were no interruptions for the remainder of the evening. The two managed idle chit chat with little interrogation or their normal rude behavior towards one another. The sun set as they finished their meal and an announcement went out signifying the beginning of the laser show. Lexi got lost in the twirling lights and loud popular music blasting from the speakers. She couldn’t believe that they were capable of displaying scenes to go along with the music that were large enough to cover the entire side of the mountain. The couple involuntarily snuggled closer together as the show continued. Ramsey had even ventured to lace his fingers with hers.
When the show ended, the surrounding families and groups began to pack up. Lexi sighed finding it strange that she was actually sad that the evening was coming to an end. She began to pull away from him, but he pulled her back down.
