Текст книги "Avoiding Commitment"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 20 (всего у книги 29 страниц)

“Anytime. I’ll see you around,” he said thankful that he was leaving.

Ramsey took Jack’s hand in his own and gave his hand a rather firm shake. “I’m not going to play her. She does seem rather special.”

“She is.”

Suddenly, Ramsey yanked Jack forward so only inches separated them. He set his gaze directly on Jack and growled lowly, “I hear the way you talk about her, and I can see how you feel about her. Don’t even try to pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Now, if you ever hurt her or my sister, I’ll find you.” Jack gulped and attempted to avert his gaze. “Did you hear me?” Ramsey asked menacingly still holding his hand in a vice grip.

“Yeah, man, I heard you,” Jack snarled back at him.

Ramsey released him shoving him back a little harder than he had anticipated. “Well then, have a nice day, and I’ll see you on Friday night.”

Jack watched him exit his apartment in a raging fury. He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so infuriated with anyone in his life. First, the son of a bitch had come into his house and interrogated him on his relationship with Lexi. Then, he had decided to share the information that he had a date with Lexi. After all that, he still had the audacity to threaten him.

“Lexi?” he called down the hallway.

Lexi scurried out of the guest bedroom where she had been hiding. Her heart was racing with what had just happened. She couldn’t believe all the things she had heard through the door. She completely understood Jack defending their friendship to Ramsey, because the worst thing to happen right now would be for them to get caught all over again. She couldn’t fathom why Ramsey would tell Jack that they had gone on a date. She had planned on telling him, but things had been going so well that she hadn’t found the right time. Not to mention she had assumed Jack would be angry, and from what she could tell Jack was furious.

“You went on a date with Ramsey?” he bellowed as soon as she was in front of him.

“Well, yeah,” she stated meekly.

“Why would you do that?” he asked attempting to control his anger at what had just occurred.

“What did you expect me to do when you ditched me?” she asked him turning the tables on him. “You went off with Bekah and left me all alone while Ramsey was the only person there to take care of me.”

“God, I don’t know, Lex. Go see your parents or something. I didn’t expect you to go out with my girlfriend’s brother. This is so fucked up.”

“Stop right there,” she cried pointing her finger into his chest. “Think about what you said. You have a girlfriend. I would hope you wouldn’t forget that while you get yourself all worked up over nothing.”

“Did you sleep with him?” he asked ignoring her last comment.

“Excuse me?” she shrieked in disbelief.

“You heard me. I just…I just need to know.”

“What kind of tramp do you think I am? Is this what you think of me? Do you think I jump into the bed of every available man on the market? How long have you known me, Jack?” she nearly screamed at him.

“Well, you didn’t tell me. We stayed up all night talking last night, and you didn’t tell me you went on a date with him,” he pointed out.

“It’s not exactly a great conversation starter with you, especially after how you acted at his party. And anyway, it’s not like you were sharing all sorts of details about Bekah.”

“Yes, but you know we’re together. I don’t have to share information about our relationship with you,” he said looking her up and down. His blue eyes were blazing.

“You’re right, you don’t. And since Ramsey and I have no relationship, then I don’t have to share any information about what we did or did not do with you either.”

“So, you slept with him then?” he asked plopping down on the couch in defeat.

“No, Jesus Christ, I did not sleep with him. He kissed me good night. That’s all. It was nothing. He practically had to beg me to go out with him in the first place, because I didn’t want to. Alright? Are you satisfied?” she asked placing her hands on her hips as she stared at him.

“I’m losing my mind,” he said his blue eyes meeting hers. “I realized how much you mean to me, Lex, and I can’t help but freak out. I’m sorry.” He reached forward and grabbed her hips pulling her into his lap. She snuggled in close to him. “I shouldn’t be overreacting like this.”

“No, I understand, Jack. I’d probably be freaking out too. I should have told you,” Lexi said kissing his cheek.

“I wish you would have,” he said turning his face and stealing her lips before they hit his cheek again.

“Jack,” she said warningly against his lips.

“Lex,” he mumbled back sliding his tongue into her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed her firmly against his chest. She pushed her hands up through his unruly dark brown hair and moved her mouth against his. Being in his arms felt like the most wonderful place in existence. The feel of his lips tasted of heaven, and though she knew deep down she needed to stop him, she was having trouble finding the rationalization as her brain shut down.

Jack stood pulling her legs around his waist, never letting their lips part. She locked her legs behind his back as he supported her weight by placing each hand on her butt and hoisting her up. He pulled back and stared at her flushed face with a smug smirk firmly planted on his face. She could tell by his shallow breathing that he wanted her. His eyes were fiery blue with passion.

“I love you, Lex,” he said breathily.

“I love you too,” she said, her heart palpitating wildly as he crushed his lips against her again.

He leaned her back against his couch and pressed himself against her. They were both practically naked from recently waking up, and the hardness pressing against her inner thigh made it evident what was on his mind. He pushed up his band t-shirt that she had thrown on and ran his hands down her tiny body. She groaned as he leaned down and began kissing every inch of her flat stomach. From there he moved to her perky breasts. Her body ached for him as he continued his insistent prodding of her upper half. She arched her back in pleasure as the sensations coursed through her body. The anticipation from a year and a half of self-restraint was catching up with them as he retreated back to her plump lips.

“We should get rid of this,” he said attempting to yank the shirt over her head. She let him rip the shirt off her, but immediately reached out and grabbed it out of his hand. She covered her bare breasts with the material and scooted to a sitting position.

“We can’t…I can’t do this,” she said sliding the shirt back over her head and removing her legs from around his waist. “I told you how we can be together, and I really have to stick with that,” she said, her breathing ragged and body still pulsing with desire for him. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done, but she knew that she couldn’t do this. Not again.

Jack groaned and moved to a sitting position next to her. “Yeah, I know. It’s just…this is what we’re normally like. You’re so damn sexy when you get angry. I can’t seem to help myself.”

“I know. I didn’t want you to help yourself either. I don’t want you to have to help your feelings for me, but this isn’t fair to Bekah. We’ve been here before. I don’t want another Kate/Clark situation. It didn’t go well the first time, and I have a feeling that it would be just as bad this time around,” she told him sadly. Lexi hated so much having to have this conversation. All she wanted right then was to be swept up into his arms and be carried to his bed so they could have hot passionate sex all afternoon. But she couldn’t do this again.

“You’re right,” he said meeting her desirous gaze.

“I’m sorry,” she told him shyly. “I do want this terribly bad.”

He reached out and caressed her cheek. “I know.”

“Well,” Jack began awkwardly, “I’m going to go take a cold shower.” He stood up uncomfortably adjusting himself. “Feel free to come and go as you please. I really do have a lot of work to catch up on, but I’d love it if you stuck around. I can’t seem to get enough of you.” He bent down and kissed her forehead sweetly.

Lexi watched him exit the living room. She couldn’t believe how close she had come to giving into him. She knew one thing though. She needed Chyna right then. Chyna was the only one who could keep her focused while Jack was taken. She had to give him enough time to deal with Bekah, and allowing him to think that he could have her without doing anything about the situation wasn’t going to help her. She needed to stand her ground. But not getting swept up with their desires was a lot of work, and Lexi wasn’t prepared for it. That’s where Chyna came in. It was too bad Chyna was still hours away, and Jack was currently stripping down naked in the next room preparing to get soaking wet.

CHAPTER 18

NOVEMBER ONE AND A HALF YEARS EARLIER

A scraping sound followed by shuffling feet across the carpeted floors made Lexi shift from her otherwise comfortable position. She yawned, refusing to open her sleep deprived eyes to the blinding sunlight. Her hand slowly rose above her head and she stretched languidly across the couch. Her back arched pushing the checkered quilt off of her upper-half leaving her body exposed with only a flimsy, white tank top as a cover-up. She shivered at the near freezing weather and scrambled to cover the rest of her body with the warm fabric. Yanking the covers up to her chin, she snuggled deeper into the plush cushions. Another yawn followed as she wrestled with her own inner turmoil: to study or not to study.

A sharp pain shot across her temples reminding her of the amount of alcohol she had absorbed last night. Memories of shot after shot flooded her conscious, and she knew her answer to that dilemma. There would be no chance she would be studying today. She groaned and shuddered against the pain pulsing throughout her body. Her stomach twisted with nausea and she was certain that she would be sick at any moment. Swallowing down the rising bile in her throat, she groaned even louder this time. A giggle punctuated the early morning air causing Lexi to cringe further into her comfortable niche.

“You gonna get up, you lazy bum?” Rachelle, Lexi’s roommate, questioned her in her thick New England accent from across the kitchen through Lexi’s open door.

Lexi grumbled angrily into the pillow adding a few choice curse words. “Don’t talk so loud, Ray,” she mumbled pressing her palms to her forehead.

“It’s pretty late, and you know we have that huge Civ Pro reading for tomorrow,” she drawled slamming the microwave door shut for Lexi’s benefit. Another giggle resounded throughout the space confirming that sentiment. “I wouldn’t want to see my genius roomie getting behind in her class work.”

If she had had the energy, Lexi would have flipped her off. Under the circumstances, she just griped louder and pulled the covers completely over her head. She let her eyes open and painfully adjust to the feeble amount of light apparent through the blanket. Her mind sifted through the disjointed memories from the previous night focusing in on the high points. Vodka gummis, hot Armani Guy, dancing, leaving with Chyna—Jack. She let her brain wrap around the foreign concept. Had that been a dream?

It felt completely surreal to think that he had been in New York, in her dorm, in her arms. He had come for her. He had confessed his desire—love—for her. He had lain next to her all night.

She shook her head in disbelief ignoring the alarm bells going off throughout her body at the sudden movements. No, she had dreamed that. She drank way too much last night, and out of desperation had conjured up the one person she was always thinking about. She was almost certain she had passed out and Jack had taken over her subconscious...as he typically did.

He wasn’t here after all. If he had been real, he would be lying here next to her with his arms securing her in place against his chest. He would be kissing her shoulder and up her neck. He would mumble sweet nothings into her ear and stroke her long unruly hair out of her face in order to get a better look at her warm, dark chocolate eyes. She would melt at the sight of his cerulean irises confessing his affection for her and knowing that they didn’t actually need words.

No. Jack was just a dream. A sweet dream, but a dream nonetheless.

That gloomy thought coupled with her ever increasing hangover, Lexi pulled the covers from across her eyes. Her pupils dilated as they adjusted to the extreme change in light exposure. She sat up, still holding the covers tight to her chest in an attempt to retain some heat within her body. After a minute, Lexi shifted her gaze to Rachelle who was studiously seated at the kitchen table with her Civil Procedure book open before her.

“Ray...uh...can I ask you something?” Lexi began awkwardly.

Rachelle flipped the page, not even appearing to hear Lexi’s comment. Lexi waited feeling more uncomfortable by the second as she waited for a response. Just when she opened her mouth to speak up again, Rachelle responded noncommittally, “Huh?”

“Can I ask you something?” Lexi repeated.

“You just did, and you can’t borrow my book. I need to read this at least four or five more times before tomorrow,” she added snappily.

Lexi gritted her teeth, and tried to remind herself that she was at a top five school for a reason. These people were supposed to be bitchy. “I didn’t want to borrow your book,” Lexi said, “I had a question about last night.”

Rachelle glanced up from whatever she was writing furiously into her notepad and snorted. Literally, snorted. Lexi gaped at her in horror.

“Did you uh...let someone in last night?” Lexi asked.

“Are you thick?” Rachelle retorted snapping her pen down on the pad with a little too much force.

“Excuse me?” Lexi asked dumbfounded, cringing away from the loud smacking noise the pen made against the surface.

“I would never let anyone inside,” Rachelle stated matter-of-factly, always the epitome of responsibility.

Lexi breathed out a sigh of relief even though it felt more like a sigh of despair. She had been hoping that she was wrong. She wanted so desperately to have Jack here that she was actually badgering her most anal roommate about possibly letting a strange man into their dorm room. How much had she had to drink the night before? She shook her head, regretting the action instantly, and stood to go brew a cup of coffee. Rachelle was some sort of super-human freak that didn’t need the stuff, even though she went to bed after everyone and woke up first in the household.

As she prepared the pot, Lexi found her bottle of Tylenol tucked behind three cans of tuna and a crushed package of macaroni and cheese. Dumping out two extra strength pills in her hand, she stuck her mouth under the running faucet, took a too-large gulp, and swallowed them down whole. She hopped up on the cool counter top letting her legs dangle and leaned her aching head back against the wooden cabinets as the coffee pot worked its magic.

After Lexi had filled her mug to the brim with the steaming liquid, she stumbled into her bedroom to get together toiletries for the shower she so desperately needed. Digging through her pockets from last night, Lexi located her cell phone. A text from Chyna stated something about them needing to talk and expressing her feelings about the amazing night. Lexi shrugged off the needing to talk bit and veered towards the shower. The shower was refreshing and seemed to alleviate most of the aches that were permeating her body and completely dispelled any feelings of nausea. Lexi finished off her mug of now lukewarm coffee as fast as she could, changed into some sweats, and ventured back into her living room.

By that time, Lexi’s other roommates, Claire and Elizabeth, had returned and were discussing the reading that Rachelle was currently skimming over for the umpteenth time. Lexi tilted her head to the side and ran her fingers through her hair allowing the waves to separate from each other. She moseyed towards the coffee pot and poured herself another mug.

“Did you hear us, Lexi?” Claire asked behind her.

Lexi turned around and surveyed the scene before her. She was the first to admit that she didn’t exactly fit in with the other students at NYU. People came in from all over the country to go here, but they at least all had one thing in common: a sense of competition. Her roommates definitely had that feeling, and Lexi simply didn’t share it with them. That was why when they were all together in one place. It was very unlikely that they would actually be talking to her. She hadn’t heard a single word they had been saying for that exact reason, and told them as much.

Elizabeth upturned her nose at Lexi and mumbled something under her breath. Claire jabbed her in the ribs before responding. “We were wondering how last night went,” she ventured barely suppressing a giggle.

Lexi stared at her with her mouth wide open. In the months that they had been living together, she had never been asked about her night. The only topics of conversation they focused on at all had to do with school. Something was up. “Same as usual I suppose.”

“I saw your friend. What’s her name Asia?” Elizabeth asked knowing full well that wasn’t her name. Lexi rolled her eyes at her not enjoying their little game and wondering where this was leading.

“Chyna, actually,” Lexi responded wishing she hadn’t had so much to drink the night before. If she was going to have to deal with whatever game they were playing, then she needed to be a bit more conscious.

“Oh right, Chyna,” Elizabeth said. “What kind of name is that anyway?” she mumbled loud enough for Lexi to hear.

Lexi gritted her teeth and hoped the torture of petty social interaction would end soon. “Yeah, she went out with me last night.”

“Did that guy go out with you last night too?” Claire asked giggling into Elizabeth’s shoulder.

Lexi froze and stared at the three. Elizabeth’s freckled face was nearly masked with the blush that took over whenever she found something humorous. Claire’s thin blonde hair had been shaken free of its loose ponytail. Rachelle even let a small smile grace her features at the two girl’s ridiculous behavior. God, were they twelve years old? Even though these things were put on Lexi’s list of all-time rare behavior for her roommates, what made her body react was the fact that they had mentioned a guy. Yet, how could they know that she had met a guy last night? And was that even what they were talking about?

“Oh, look at her face,” Elizabeth said through her giggles.

“She didn’t want us to find out. That’s why she made him leave so early,” Claire announced smacking Elizabeth with her hand playfully. Though, it looked like this scene had been rehearsed.

“Did you see him though?” Elizabeth asked fanning herself.

“Yeah, why would she want to hide him?” Claire asked letting the emphasis rest on the final word. “Even Rayray thought he was gorgeous. Didn’t you, Ray?” Claire questioned shoving Rachelle’s notepad out from under her pen.

Rachelle looked up finally dropping her half-smile as she glared at her roommates. “What does it even matter what I think? I have work to do. Why not harass her somewhere that doesn’t involve me?” she asked cattily.

“Um…guys, what are you talking about?” Lexi finally asked, confusion written across her features.

Claire focused in on her assessing the situation. “That guy I let in the apartment last night. He was dreamy and couldn’t stop blabbering about you.”

“What guy?” Lexi gasped steadying herself on the counter top. Her vision had gone blurry at Claire’s words. Had Jack actually been here last night? Her throat felt dry and she reached blindly for her coffee mug. Unable to locate it, she touched her hand to her throat and choked back a cough.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “No need to be so dramatic.”

“Anyway, he left you a note after you kicked him out,” Claire said producing a tiny piece of white paper. “We weren’t sure if you wanted it.”

Lexi moved forward robotically and snatched the paper from out of her fingertips. “Don’t ever touch my stuff again,” she snarled narrowing her eyes menacingly.

Claire and Elizabeth looked as if they had never seen Lexi before. Their mouths hung open in shock. Even Rachelle had stopped to stare at her newfound malice. Lexi ignored them all in her anxious desire to read the note, find out if it actually was from Jack, and why he had left so early if it was the case.

She shut the door behind her and fell into her desk chair. She could feel her pulse in her stomach as she held the insubstantial piece of paper in her palm. She ignored her gut feeling that nothing good could possibly come from this and tore open the paper. Her heart fluttered at the text before her. It held one word—one lonely word. The handwriting was unmistakably Jack’s, but still he had left her with nothing else but:

Sorry.

She stared numbly at the five letters scratched onto the blaringly white scrap. What was he sorry about? Her stomach sank further. Had she said or done something wrong? She had been blitzed out of her mind last night and couldn’t remember a single thing. Only a minute ago she had been certain she had conjured him up in a dream, and now he was leaving her with apologies. She buried her face in her hands a fresh wave of heartache taking over where her hangover left off. A tear trickled down her face and she quickly swiped it out of the way in anger.

No.

She wasn’t going to go there again. She had shed enough tears previously and now she needed to get over this. Jack had always and would always have a hold on her heart, but she needed to be smart about it. He was in New York and had found her. That had to count for something. Tossing the paper on her cluttered desk, Lexi rose and located her cell phone once more. After tapping out a quick reply to Chyna that they would have to talk later, she found the number she was looking for and dialed the line.

“Hey, Lex,” Jack answered huskily.

She felt her body turn to jello at the sound of his sweet voice. How had she forgotten how amazing his voice sounded in her ears? She sighed contentedly, and then stopped herself. She needed to be frank with him and not get suckered in all over again. “Why the fuck did you leave that note?”

He sputtered, “I…uh…”

“Why did you even come see me if you were going to leave with nothing but a note?” she interrogated him.

“I was pretty drunk,” he offered.

“Oh, you were drunk?” she asked not keeping the condescending tone from her voice.

“Yeah, look, I had been meaning to come by and talk to you, but I hadn’t been able to work up the nerve. Can we meet up and talk?” he pleaded.

“How long have you been in New York?” she asked her eyes narrowing.

“Come on, just meet me, and I’ll tell you everything,” he promised his voice taking on an almost desperate tone.

“Just answer the question, Jack,” she commanded forcing herself not to break under his sweet talk.

“A couple months,” he mumbled.

“What?” she squealed. “A couple months and this is the first I’ve heard from you?” She couldn’t help but feel hurt. He had known all along that she had been around. And there she had been moping about him and feeling like she was seeing him on every street corner.

“I wasn’t sure if you were…” he trailed off.

“If I was what?” she asked, her anger flaring.

“Single.”

“Oh,” she muttered before she had a chance to stop herself.

“Can you please meet with me so we can discuss this? I can tell you’ve entered full-on freak out mode, and I can’t help if I’m not there.”

“Then why did you leave?” she spat at him. Lexi was pretty sure that whatever had happened last night, he had to have realized that she wasn’t taken. She shook her head furious with herself. There was no way for him to know that. Even if they had done anything last night, past precedent proved that it had never mattered whether or not she had been single. She wasn’t even sure why it mattered to him right now, but she didn’t ask that.

“I had an interview,” he muttered dejectedly.

“For a job?” she asked in surprise.

“Yes, for a job, Lexi. I wouldn’t have left your side for anything else,” he informed her.

Lexi fell silent after that comment, contemplating her next move. She wanted to go see him and find out what had happened, but she knew what kind of distraction Jack offered. Her first semester grades would be all she had when she was looking for internships for the summer and she needed to stay focused. Rachelle wasn’t the only one who had to study in their household.

She shook her head from side to side weighing her option. Biting down on her bottom lip, she realized there was really only one option. “Where did you want to meet?”

*****

Lexi stared up at the mountain of stairs in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. She had walked by here on numerous occasions, but had never had enough free time to venture inside. Not that she had ever been a connoisseur of fine art, but she could still appreciate the beauty that lay within the castled walls.

In fact, she had always been intimidated by the outwards splendor that radiated from the building. Chyna had been to a number of benefits and operas at the location, but timing had never been right for Lexi to join her. Now she was stuck staring upwards at the massive construction wondering what she was even doing here.

She felt a light tap on her shoulder from behind. She jerked around caught off-guard by the sudden interruption. “Jack,” she said her voice lowering seductively as she caught sight of him.

Her roommates had been right. He looked damn sexy. The afternoon sun gleamed in his eyes reflecting back to the world a bright ocean blue. His shaggy hair, which typically fell into his eyes, had been combed and perfected to rest across his forehead. A worn pair of jeans, that she recognized, hung loose on his narrow hips. A grey long-sleeve t-shirt fit snug across his broad shoulders. Her eyes couldn’t help but smolder at the sight of his cut arms and chest which showed countless hours of work. She had never seen him look so built before in her life.

A smile broke out across his face when he noticed her checking him out. She blushed slightly unable to control the feeling of embarrassment. She knew that she shouldn’t feel it…after all, it was Jack. He pulled her into him wrapping his arms around her waist covered by a purple sweater and long, black pea coat. Breathing in his musky scent made her head dizzy with more than just a cologne haze, and she tightened her grip around his neck to steady herself. Her heart fluttered as he seemed unable to let her go. After a minute of standing there with their arms wrapped tightly around each other, Jack finally pulled back taking a step away from her. Lexi instantly felt like all the warmth from her body had dissipated with the break in contact.

“Can we go inside?” he asked rubbing his hands up and down his chiseled arms. “It’s kind of freezing, and I forgot a jacket.”

She shook herself out of her trance and nodded, following him up the stairs. Her jaw slackened at the magnificent arched hallway and the crowd of people milling around the entranceway. Jack locked onto her wrist and led her to a more secluded section of the lobby. His hand was hot to the touch despite having just left the frigid outdoors. He gestured for her to take a seat on a hard wooden bench, which she did. She stuffed her hands into the pockets of her pea coat and angled her body to look at him where he sat next to her.

He breathed out a few times into his hands. He obviously thought they were cold even though Lexi disagreed. She waited not wanting to be the first to speak. She wasn’t even sure what he was going to say. She was a little scared about what she might find out.

“So,” he began averting his gaze to the sleek marble floor.

“So,” she agreed not letting her eyes drift from his face.

He cleared his throat uncomfortably. She held his gaze, waiting.

“Lex, I…” he glanced up into her brown eyes and then quickly back down at the floor.

“Yes?” she prodded.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he mumbled, but something about the way he said it didn’t sound sincere.

“Jack, why don’t you cut the bullshit, and tell me what you’re actually thinking?” she asked him easily annoyed.

“Ok, ok. I never could get anything past you, could I?”

Lexi shook her head not wanting to take that comment head-on. She could remember a time when he was able to hide many things from her.

He slumped into himself at her reaction. She waited, allowing him to collect his thoughts before speaking again. He straightened up taller than before and met her gaze. “You’re right. I’m not sorry for last night. I meant everything I said, and I don’t know if you are with someone or not, but I guess…I still wanted you to know.”

Lexi blushed at his words. She had been piecing the previous night together in her mind, and could vaguely remember what had happened before she had blacked out. Jack had been there, waiting for her. She remembered his lips against her skin and his voice whispering in her ear. Her heart sped up at the recollection of those three small words they had uttered to each other, and a smile crept to her face.

“You love me,” she whispered. She felt something wet on her cheek. When she reached up to brush it off, she was surprised to see that it was her own tears. She chuckled to herself at the absurdity of what was happening. Jack was here, in New York with her.

“You’re crying!” he exclaimed. “Did I do something?”

“Yes,” she said laughing a little harder.

“Something wrong?”

She shook her head no and threw her arms around him. “Well, yes,” she amended pulling back to look at him, “you left without saying good-bye and left me a note apologizing.”

“I thought it was in your best interest.”

She adjusted her body so that she could get a better look at him. “Did you honestly think I’d ignore your cryptic message?”

He smiled despite himself. “A part of me hoped you wouldn’t.”

“A part of you knew I wouldn’t.”