Текст книги "Avoiding Commitment"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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Текущая страница: 24 (всего у книги 29 страниц)

It’s not like he had been acting sketchy anytime recently. It’s not like he had a reason to do anything when he had her. They had been almost too happy. She had kept him too…satisfied for him to want anything else. She couldn’t even think about that possibility. He said he would never lie to her again and she had to believe that was the truth. She couldn’t let old fears win out.

“No, you’re right,” Chyna said not convinced. “Let’s just forget about it. You’ve had a long couple of weeks and we’re here to party.”

Lexi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You’re right. You’re always right. Let’s party!”

And so they spent the remainder of the night doing just that. Neither thought about their worries, complications, or futures, they simply enjoyed the company of a crowded room of strangers. Lexi tried to keep the drinking to a minimum, but she danced until her heart’s contentment. Her roommates were slumped all around the room making out with random guys. Lexi would have never believed it if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes. Without her own guy to be affectionate with, she decided to call it an early night.

She realized at that point that she hadn’t even checked her phone since Jack had left. He could have called and she might have missed it. Anxious to find out what had happened, she quickly kissed Chyna on the cheek and told her good-bye.

Once she got in the cab, she pulled out her phone to check for any messages. Her heart fluttered when she saw that she had a missed call from Jack and a voicemail waited for her.

After the annoying woman informed her of her options about the voicemail, Jack’s clear voice rang in her ears. “Hey Lex, interview’s over. It was just bs…just fucking bullshit. I…I don’t really want to talk about it. I’m just gonna go home and crash. I’ll talk to you in the morning. Have fun.”

The line went dead in her hands and she snapped the phone shut. She slid the phone back into her purse feeling dejected. Something had gone wrong at the interview, but he didn’t want to talk to her about it. She knew that it was a completely rational reaction for him to not want to discuss his feelings. Guys were like that all the time. She just thought that they were beyond that point. They had known each other for a long time. But she didn’t want to think about any other option for him not wanting to talk tonight. Chyna and Claire had planted a seed in her mind, but she couldn’t believe them.

The only thing that she could think about right now was that after all that work she had put in for the school year, she was the only one left all alone for the night.

Somehow she wasn’t sure how this night could get any worse.

CHAPTER 21

PRESENT

The stadium lights that were illuminated for the occasion stretched out across home plate, through the gritty dirt to the pitcher’s mound, splayed out through the evenly cut emerald green grass, and further down the endless rows of bleachers. City traffic could be heard as hundreds of cars traveled across the series of roads and highways that mapped the terrain. Twinkling stars were faintly visible overhead despite the perpetual lighting that whitened the black night.

Lexi’s heart stuttered as she attempted to compose her features. She folded her arms one over another and leaned onto the cool, black railing. Ramsey rested against the railing keeping his body angled towards her. His green eyes never left her face to survey the beautiful manmade structure below them.

“What’s going on?” his deep, husky voice asking several things with his one question.

“I…” Lexi sighed trailing off. “I don’t know.”

Ramsey smiled, nodding along. “You’re not sick.”

It was more of a statement than a question, but she nodded anyway. No, she wasn’t sick. She was coming to a crossroads in her life, and she didn’t know which road to take. She wanted to be with Jack. After all the shit she had put up with, he was still what she wanted. But could she handle this in-between time? Could she handle him being with someone else while she waited like an idiot all over again?

“I didn’t do anything,” he stated attempting to get all of the possibilities out of the way as to her illness.

“You?” she asked a little taken aback. “No, you haven’t done anything.” Of course she had thought about Ramsey, but there was too much other stuff going on in her head that she hadn’t allowed him much room. He was aggravating to no avail. Even now he was much too close for her level of personal boundaries. She could feel the warmth of his hand as it nearly grazed her elbow resting on the railing. His body tilted forward resting a mere six inches from her face. Such closeness should be reserved for intimacy, but she was coming to realize this was just Ramsey…or maybe he did want that intimacy. She cleared her thoughts. That was the last place she needed to let her mind wander. Even though, it wasn’t a bad alternative while she waited for Jack.

“Then it can only be one thing,” he told her. She turned to meet his determined gaze waiting for his guess. “Jack and Bekah.”

Lexi’s heart, which had stilled as she let the light breeze calm her mind, kicked into overdrive at Ramsey’s statement. Sure she knew that Ramsey had an idea about her and Jack from the conversation at Jack’s apartment. As far as she knew though, he had no idea about her actual involvement with Jack. He had no idea of Jack’s hold on her. He certainly had no idea that she had listened in on his threatening conversation with Jack.

But she knew she shouldn’t assume anything. Who knew if Bekah had told him or if Jack had spilled the beans about their past to him while she had been at home. She didn’t want to think about that either. The last thing she wanted to do was have anyone else know about her relationship with Jack, and Ramsey was getting dangerously close.

“What about Jack and Bekah?” she croaked running her fingers through the loose strands that had fallen out of her bun and threading it behind her ears.

“I’m not sure, but it’s something,” he admitted leaning in even closer to her.

Lexi breathed out a sigh of relief. He didn’t know. That was comforting. Him invading her personal space further was not. “You’re um…,” she gestured between them, “in my space again. We’ve talked about this.”

He nodded not backing up an inch. “Tell me what’s going on,” he gently asked bringing his hand up and stroking her face. His hand trailed down from her temple and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I’m pretty sure the only thing going on has something to do with you and me,” she muttered huskily feeling her body turn towards him. His hand wrapped around her tiny waist bridging the distance between their bodies.

“Maybe you’re right,” he whispered towards her. His lips were so close to her, when she licked her own lips, she brushed up against his as well. A groan escaped him with the light, teasing contact, and he hesitantly brought his lips down upon hers. The first touch was smooth and gentle as if he was testing the water. His lips were amazingly soft and she could taste the sweetness of peppermint on his breath.

Warning alarms went off in her mind. All she wanted to do was ignore what her mind was telling her and get lost in the here and now. Forget everything that was keeping her stressed out and relish the beautiful moment of a man wanting her.

Her hands moved from their place on the railing and pushed against his hard, muscled chest. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t let this continue. It would end up hurting everyone.

“I don’t know if…” she trailed off again. He didn’t let her finish her statement before pressing his body more firmly against her. Her mouth popped open in surprise leaving him with the advantage. He leaned his head down and kissed her bottom lip, gently sucking it between his teeth. Her eyes fluttered closed. Ramsey’s hand reached up to twine around her hair, tugging softly on the strands, and tilting her head back. He pressed his lips firmly against her own. It only took a second for Lexi to react and relax into him.

A loud coughing sound came from behind them. Ramsey and Lexi hastily broke apart, straightening themselves out as they faced the intruder.

“I figured I’d find you out here,” Chyna said cocking her weight to her right hip. She threw both hands up to her hips, leaning the left shoulder forwards, and tilting her head up defiantly.

Lexi ran her fingers through her mussed hair and smiled hesitantly at her best friend. “Well, you found me.”

“Oh no, I wasn’t looking for you,” she announced letting her eyes shift to the man standing next to her.

“How can I be of assistance?” Ramsey asked politely stepping away from the railing.

“Apparently, there is a birthday going on inside,” Chyna commented dryly. “You have something to do with that?”

Ramsey looked a bit sheepish as he took on Chyna’s confrontation. “Indeed I do.”

“Then perhaps you should run inside and check on what’s going on,” she suggested. “There’s some kind of catastrophe happening with the cake. Everyone’s looking for you.”

Ramsey apologized to Lexi, and quickly excused himself. He flashed Chyna a smile as he walked by, but she didn’t return the gesture.

Chyna stalked right up to Lexi standing exactly where Ramsey had been only seconds earlier. “What are you thinking?” she cried leaning back against the railing and pressing her hand to her forehead.

“Not now, please,” Lexi murmured feeling even more confused than earlier.

“I think we should get out of here,” Chyna told her. “You’re a mess. I’m not even sure you know what you are doing anymore.”

“We can’t leave,” Lexi said shaking her head. “I can’t leave yet.”

“I don’t know why we should stay. Now, I wasn’t going to bring this up, but I can’t stay silent, chica. You’re my best friend and I know you’re hurting. Jack is here with his girlfriend and despite what just happened, I know how you feel about him, and it has to hurt like hell. Why would you want to go through that? Then…Ramsey?”

“Well, I don’t know what I was doing with Ramsey, but I do know that I need to stay and see this through. Please…for me, C,” she begged her eyes swelling in size.

Chyna shook her head contemplating the decision before her. As Lexi’s best friend, she felt obligated to get her out of this situation. Lexi had been there for her more than anyone else in her entire life. How could she let her friend walk into the fire pit? She saw no alternative though. Lexi was determined. “Fine, but can you please be careful?” she pleaded.

After the girls agreed, they trudged back into the club where a loud chorus of Happy Birthday was being sung by the guests. Lexi and Chyna joined in with the celebratory tune weaving their way through the crowd to the birthday boy. Before they broke through, Lexi glanced up at the screen where the slideshow had been circulating pictures of Jack’s past. Her heart froze on the final image.

A high resolution photo taken within Ramsey’s house this past weekend was displayed before her eyes. Jack stood next to Bekah with his arm around her waist. Bekah’s head was tilted sideways comfortably resting against Jack’s shoulder. Ramsey had an arm slung over both Bekah and Lexi’s shoulders. Lexi was leaning back against Ramsey’s chest. The signs that she was too drunk to stand straight were already evident. All eyes were bright and smiling. Their faces were flushed from dancing.

But what caught her eye was the look on Jack’s face. He looked happy, buoyant even, but there was something different about his expression than the rest of the group. His eyes were diverted, cutting across his girlfriend and her brother straight to Lexi. And the look he was pressing towards her was very familiar. His eyes were crystal clear blue with desire. He only had eyes for her, and he wanted her. Even though his girlfriend was in his arms, he still couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of Lexi.

She glanced around the room transfixed by the image before her. How could no one else see what she saw in the picture? How could anyone think of including this very recent picture with him looking at her in such a fashion? But no one else seemed to be looking at the picture. At least no one was analyzing it quite like she was. She couldn’t believe it. Was everyone momentarily blind?

“What are you doing?” Chyna hissed latching onto her hand and pulling her through the crowd. Lexi stumbled the few feet forward right into Ramsey. He reached out and slung his arm across her shoulder bringing her closer to the action. She glanced from him to Bekah to Jack. At the center of the table was a large sheet cake with blue frosting announcing Jack’s birthday. He had both hands on the table poised to blow out the flickering candles. Everyone was yelling for Jack to make a wish in the background, but all Lexi saw was the way the group was entwined. They were practically set up for the picture again, but this time when Jack’s head swiveled to the side, he locked eyes with Bekah before releasing his breath.

The crowd cheered as the lights went out one by one relinquishing the room into darkness. Lexi felt as if she were about to combust. Way too many emotions kept clouding her mind. The rollercoaster seemed to be dragging her around each loop and bend without care. How could Jack be so secure in Lexi only a few nights earlier, but at the same time be here, like this, with Bekah. She knew what he was capable of…of course she knew. She was trying to be smarter about the whole situation by staying away from him, but she couldn’t stay away to her own detriment. She needed to talk to him. She needed to find out if he had been lying to her when he had said all those things about wanting to be together. She knew Jack wasn’t a liar, at least not to her, but something about the whole situation felt wrong. Well, everything about the situation felt wrong, and that’s what really worried her.

The lights flickered back on and suddenly the entire atmosphere of the party began to change. Loud music filtered through the club speakers, the bar instantly became crowded with eager patrons ordering hard liquor drinks, and dancing took up the majority of the room. More people trickled in as the party began to roll into full swing. All of them seemed to know either Jack or Ramsey in some capacity, not that Lexi could keep up with any of their names. Her mind was filled with other more pertinent conflicts.

She let Ramsey lead her through a few dances despite her better judgment. He was such a good dancer, and she couldn’t help but stay on the floor with him longer than she had originally anticipated. Her plan had been to dance a number or two with Ramsey, cut in with Jack, and then somehow get him alone so she could speak with him about what was going on. So far that plan was falling to pieces.

Ramsey was such an excellent diversion that she had completely lost track of where Jack had gone. Lexi’s gaze had followed him as he had the bartender pour two drinks filled with dark liquid. Then she watched as he finished the contents of one and brought the other to Bekah who was chatting with her bitchy friends. She giggled as he nuzzled into her neck and whispered something into her ear. When she turned to face him, he led her out to the floor where they danced together like the perfect couple everyone thought they were. The sight of them rubbing up against each other in such a manner made Lexi gag and turn her focus away for a split second, and then they were gone.

She cursed under her breath for losing them. It was getting late and she really needed to speak with him before she left. She would only be in the state for two more days, and if she didn’t speak with him now, she had no idea what would happen. Would all this time she had spent here and everything she had gone through be for nothing? Or would she finally get the happy ending she deserved?

She couldn’t stand around and wait to find out any longer. She needed to take action.

Lexi leaned forward on her tiptoes facing Ramsey. His eyes traveled down to her lips staring expectantly as they moved closer to him. She whispered, “Will you get me a drink? I have to go to the powder room.”

“Sure, what would you like?” he asked wrapping an arm around her thin waist to hold her tight against him.

“Surprise me, but no Jack Daniels,” she prompted immediately.

“Or a Sex on the Beach,” he responded.

Lexi stepped back automatically her mouth popping open in surprise. She couldn’t remember ever telling him that she didn’t like those, yet that was always her next response. “Did I mention that to you?” she couldn’t help asking.

He smirked, his green eyes sparkling. “Intuition, darling.” He reached down and cupped her cheek sending chills down her heated body. His head dipped and he lightly brushed his lips across hers before disappearing to get her a drink.

Her head was spinning. Where had that come from? And why did it suddenly feel familiar?

She stared after his retreating back for a second before someone collided with her sending her stumbling back a few feet. The guy attempted to apologize, but Lexi brushed him off. She rushed away from the man and began searching for the birthday boy. It really shouldn’t be that hard to find him since the entire party was thrown in his name. Lexi’s only concern was that she was going to find him in a precarious position. That was the last thing she needed to happen. She couldn’t imagine what that would do to her in that event. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take from Jack, and didn’t want him to tip her over the edge.

The space wasn’t that large and she quickly realized he wasn’t anywhere noticeable. About to give up, she relieved herself, since that had been her excuse in the first place. As she was coming out of the women’s restroom, Jack exited from the men’s. A group of men called happy birthday to him as he began to walk back towards the party unaware that Lexi was directly behind him. She pushed past the other men, her high heels clicking against the tile as she approached him. Lexi reached out and grabbed his hand before he entered the club again.

“What the…” he said turning around sharply.

“Jack,” she cried stopping him in his tracks. His expression shifted quickly from surprise to delight to anger and then settled at indifferent. It all happened so fast that, had she not known him as well as she did, she certainly would have missed what was going on in his head.

“Lexi.”

“Can we talk…privately?”

“Now isn’t really a good time,” he said pulling her closer to him so they could speak without anyone else hearing. She hovered inches away from him.

“I think now is the only time,” she muttered staring up into blue eyes.

“Why would you say that?” he asked his brows furrowing together.

“Jack, I’m just…confused. Please,” she begged.

He glanced around the hallway checking to see who might notice them leaving together. He was an expert at becoming invisible, sneaking around, and not getting caught. These were all things she had been a source of in his past and now, she reluctantly realized, she was forcing him into it all over again. “Fine. Follow me.”

Lexi followed him around the corner and through a side door that led to a long concrete walkway. She had never been here in the past, but she assumed this must be the staff exit or even an exclusive exit VIP members used while within the private 755 Club. Jack closed the door behind them and led her away from the door.

“Lexi. It’s my birthday. This couldn’t have waited until tomorrow?” he asked crossing his arms over his chest and standing before her. His stance made him appear distant and unapproachable…not the way she typically viewed Jack.

“No. I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” she told him hesitantly.

“Well, I do. I don’t have time for this right now.” He spoke the words, but he didn’t move.

“Well, make time. I need to ask you some questions,” she told him firmly.

“Now?” he whined. “It’s my birthday.”

“It’s past midnight,” she told him checking her watch to verify. Actually, when she looked down, she noticed that it was twenty minutes until midnight, but she didn’t mention that fact.

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. Ask away.”

“Is this still what you want?” she asked her voice trembling.

“Lex, baby,” he murmured hugging her against him, “didn’t I tell you that you are what I want?”

She sighed against his body. She didn’t like that he was evading her question with another question. Why couldn’t he answer straight up? “That’s what you said three days ago, but, Jack, I’m leaving in two days. What are we going to do after that?”

“We’ll work it out. I just need time. You have to understand. Bekah and I,” he sighed trailing off.

“I do understand that you have been together for some time…without my distraction. But how can I be sure that I’m not just that…a distraction?” she asked, her eyes pleading with him. She had never felt so rigid against his body. He wasn’t calming her as he usually did. Even his baby blue eyes, which normally held so much warmth and desire when cast upon her, were almost icy. She didn’t know what was going on.

“You have to trust me. I’ve never lied to you before,” he muttered glancing towards the door.

“Jack, what’s wrong with you?” she whispered staring up into his blank face.

When he next looked back at her, the Jack she knew and loved had returned. His eyes looked hungry. It was a look she knew well. His body had relaxed into her even pressing her closer.

She didn’t know where his emotions would go next. One minute he was icy cold and the next he was on fire. She couldn’t keep up.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” he spat the words out.

“I mean the way you were looking at me…” She shuddered.

“Lexi, I don’t have time for this,” he said eyeing the door again. “I really need to get back inside.” He started to walk away from her. She knew she had kept him out here too long, but he hadn’t answered any questions. He hadn’t done anything but shift moods too frequently for her to count.

“I thought things were going to be different,” she muttered stopping him with his hand on the door. She needed to know what was going on, and if the only way to do that was to elicit a reaction from him, then so be it.

He turned and faced her. “Things are different.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. It feels like every other time.” Hurt crossed his features at her accusation.

“Get off my case, Lex” he said turning back towards the door.

“You can’t even look at me,” she cried knowing she was being completely unreasonable. She felt as if she were about to burst. She couldn’t think of another way to get through to him. All she needed was some sort of answer one way or the other. A part of her knew that she wasn’t being fair. He deserved time to figure out what to do about Bekah. Another part of her thought she had given him enough time over the past six years to figure out if he wanted another girl or not and that she needed an answer.

He turned around and walked slowly back to her, standing only inches away, but not touching. “There. I’m looking at you,” he said his blue eyes staring purposely into her brown ones.

“You’ll never change,” she snarled. She couldn’t believe the words had come out of her mouth. She had been thinking them all along, but the words struck too close to home for their relationship.

“Maybe I already have,” he growled back walking forward and pushing her forcefully against the cement wall. His hand reached down, hitched her left leg up around his waist, and he pushed himself against her. She could feel his erection jumping to life as the adrenaline pumped through their bodies. Her black silk thong brushed against the crotch of his charcoal suit pants causing both of them to shudder with desire.

His blue eyes thawed upon catching her gaze. He leaned forward, pressed his free hand against her bare neck pulling her head away from the concrete barrier, bringing her face less than an inch from his own.

“Uh, Jack,” she whispered unable to break his steady gaze. He leaned forward his breath hot on her face. For a split second, she could see herself giving into him right then and there. She could break down all those walls of sexual tension and give him back the control he so obviously desired. It would be so easy to let go. He was what she wanted after all. Why did it have to be wrong to get what she wanted?

“Shh,” he said covering her mouth with his own. The kiss was soft, yet urgent. She sighed against his lips letting them part and his tongue to enter her mouth. The kiss turned feverish, and she found that she had pushed her fingers up through his thick hair pulling him closer to her. Her desire was growing every second she stood with him close to her. She couldn’t even think properly with the way he had her positioned. His hand pushed the red material of her dress away from her thigh, cupped her bare ass, and hoisted her other leg up around his waist. He pushed against her then slowly, almost teasingly, rubbing himself against her.

Lexi groaned not sure how they had ended up in this position, but she didn’t care. She had resisted him so long, and it was painful to stay away from him. Even when her mind allowed her the moments where she wasn’t thinking of him, he was always there in the back of her mind. And here, in the present, she couldn’t imagine anywhere else she wanted to be.

He bit her lip a little harder than intended, and she knew she would have a bruise the next day. Right now she just enjoyed the pain mixing with the pleasure of his hands running across her breasts and fluttering across her erect nipples. Lexi reached between them unfastening his belt, popping the button open and shaking the zipper to the bottom. Her hand trailed the length of him through his cotton boxer briefs. He shoved himself against her harder than before when she touched him.

She reacted instantly, reaching into his pants and grabbing a hold of the shaft. It lengthened in her hand and he groaned deep in his throat. His hand fumbled for her underwear, ripping the gentle material in his haste to slide them to the side, and pushed his thumb against her clit. He moved his mouth from her lips to her ear and throat roughly biting, sucking, and nibbling as she squirmed against his chest.

Convulsions were overtaking their bodies, their desire heightening as each second of public fornication dragged on.

Jack abruptly stopped his kneading of her, grabbed his dick in his now wet hand, and forcefully pushed inside of her. Lexi’s head snapped back against the cement wall not even feeling the pain as his erection filled deep inside of her. She clenched her muscles around him unable to believe how incredible he felt. He let his head fall between her breasts breathing a few deep breathes of desire. Then he lifted his head up and began thrusting inside of her. She gasped at his forceful demeanor. He refused to take it slow as he vigorously pounded into her body. He filled her over and over again. His movements were unrelenting, and she almost cried out. She wasn’t sure if it was with pleasure or pain, but he covered her mouth with his hand. Lexi felt the orgasm take over her body. She tightened around him, her body shaking with pleasure, but he never let up. Even as the waves of passion took over her body, he continued inside of her holding out on his orgasm so she could have another.

When she finished, he shifted his hands to a position where he could haul her up and slam her back down onto him. She moaned into his ear as she felt all her weight pushed against his dick as he invaded her deepest core. Her back was chafing against the wall, but she couldn’t care less. She wasn’t the one who had spent several hundred dollars on the dress. Lexi couldn’t believe he was holding out so long, she was almost ready to go again, and his determined, beautiful face looked as if he could go all night.

Just when she thought she might explode again, he abruptly stopped with just the head hovering over her opening. She felt her body react with yearning, and she got even wetter. He smirked at her and reclaimed her lips with his own. She volleyed with his tongue whimpering as he paused over her. “Jack,” she groaned, wiggling her body hoping and praying that he would move.

He pushed in a fraction of an inch before pulling back out. She whimpered again breaking contact with his lips and glaring at him. His smirk turned into a full on smile as he leaned into her, pushed the head in, and stopped. “Did you want something?” he asked the words coming out breathy and desirous. It was obvious that he wanted it too.

She nodded.

“I can’t hear you,” he responded pulling back out of her and moving around in a circle over the sensitive lips.

She moaned deeper trying to push her body against him, but he had her hips firmly between his hands and wasn’t letting her have any control. “I said I can’t hear you.”

“Jack,” she moaned as he dipped in and out of her again. She didn’t want to beg, but she needed him to finish. She was on the brink of a sky-rocketing explosion. He waited, teasing her endlessly until she spoke again. “Get inside of me…now,” she commanded.

Her words worked like magic, and he couldn’t hold out any longer. He forced himself back into her and continued his insistent pulsing. She felt like she was going to burst at any second. Her lower half was throbbing with pleasure, and her chest was heaving as her heart raced along ahead of the rest of her body. She closed her eyes and arched her back against him allowing the deepest angle he could reach.

“Cover my mouth,” she murmured feeling a scream bubbling up in her chest.

He complied easily. As his hand came up to cover her mouth, they both exploded. He shoved her body down onto him one last time. His eyes rolled back into his head as they came together. By the time she was spent, she found that she was gasping for air and her body trembling.

After a minute of recovery, Jack pulled himself out of her and quickly readjusted his pants. Lexi slumped against the wall. Her shaky hands yanked her dress back down to its rightful length. Her underwear were ruined beneath the material.