Текст книги "Avoiding Commitment"

Автор книги: K. A. Linde

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AVOIDING COMMITMENT

K.A. Linde

SMASHWORDS

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K.A. Linde at Smashwords

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Avoiding Commitment

Copyright © 2012 K.A. Linde

All Rights Reserved. This book may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated.

The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Edited by Jenny Aspinall, Rebecca Kimmerling, and Lori Francis

Cover photo © iStockphoto.com/Nuno Silva

Cover Design by Sarah Hansen

–December 9th

CHAPTER 1

PRESENT

Vibrations reverberated throughout the miniscule apartment. The sound dulled and then died, not even registering on the tiny figure wrapped in a heap of hand-me-down quilts. Again, the electronic noise pierced the early morning silence. Lexi groaned, nearly rolling off the twin sized bed. Her hand fumbled clumsily for the alarm clock, slamming on the snooze button several times before realizing that it wasn’t even plugged in, let alone set for an early Saturday morning wake-up call.

She peeled her eyes open searching desperately for the obnoxious noise before zeroing in on her crummy old cell phone. It was situated between a box of photographs, last night’s cup of coffee, and her laptop, which had turned itself off when she hadn’t been kind enough to plug it in for the night. She stared across the room, debating whether the call was worth getting out of her cozy nook so early on a Saturday morning, just as the third ring blared through the apartment. Shoving the covers off of her bare legs, she stumbled out of bed, immediately stubbing her big toe on her nightstand. She swore profusely and barely kept from falling over as pain shot through her toe. Reaching out for the cell phone, she extended her arm and barely saved it before it vibrated over the side of the cluttered desk.

“Mmm hmm?” she mumbled groggily into her phone. She succumbed to the throbbing pressure in her foot and collapsed on the grey area rug she had indefinitely borrowed from her college roommate.

“Lexi.” It was a statement not a question. The voice was familiar, but it was so ridiculously early, she wasn’t going to blame herself for not immediately recognizing the deep masculine tone.

Lexi pulled the phone from her ear and looked at the time. She groaned when she saw it was only six; four hours before she needed to be awake. The number glaring blindly from the screen wasn’t programmed into her phone, but this came as no surprise. She had accidentally dropped her phone into a toilet two months earlier in a nightclub. The phone had miraculously survived, but she had lost all of her numbers.

What perplexed her was that it wasn’t an area code local to New York, where she had been residing the last two years for law school. Strangely enough, it was an Atlanta area code, and the only people she still talked to from home were her parents. When she had replaced the numbers in her phone, she hadn’t retained any other Atlanta phone numbers. Since moving to New York City, she had tried to let go of her past and move on to her bright future.

“Lexi, are you there?” the unidentified voice repeated into the phone. “I know…”

“Who is speaking?” she asked cutting him off abruptly. “Do you realize it’s six o’clock in the morning on Saturday?” she questioned him further. “Some people do like to sleep in,” she spoke sharply into the cell phone, adjusting her seat so as to assess the extent of her injury.

“Yeah, look, I’m sorry,” he implored her. “I would have never called if I didn’t absolutely have to.”

Her brain was trying to signal to her that she knew that voice. It sounded so familiar, but there was no way it could be that voice. Lexi rubbed her tired eyes before allowing herself to speak again. “Sorry,” she mumbled. “Who did you say this was again?” The person on the other end didn’t say a word. Lexi knew that wasn’t good.

The silence prolonged as neither person seemed willing to speak up. Finally, he emitted a tiny sigh and said, “Lex, it’s Jack.”

Chill bumps broke out across her arms and neck as his name registered and she was able to finally place the voice…that voice. It was him. Oh God! Why was he calling her?

The sound of her heart palpitating inside her chest could be heard out the door, down the hall and quite possibly outside in the nearby construction zone through the jackhammer slamming against the concrete…not to mention through the phone. Her mouth felt like she had been chewing on chalk all night. Butterflies whacking their tiny wings violently against her insides suddenly assaulted her stomach. All she could do was cough in disbelief. Her mind was whirling with indescribable possibilities for the purpose of his phone call, each new idea seemingly more ridiculous than the last.

She wasn’t sure if she was overreacting. So she hadn’t heard a word from him since their last encounter over a year and a half ago, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t randomly drop her a line at six o’clock in the morning. After all, they had been friends, of sorts, for nearly six years now.

“Look, I know I shouldn’t have called so early. I didn’t mean to intrude,” he said quickly.

She was terrified that he might hang up after only a few short minutes of his time. “What? No. Of course you’re not intruding. I just wasn’t expecting…well you. I wasn’t expecting you,” she could hear how breathy and uneven her voice had gotten and wanted to kick herself with her hurt toe for being such a girl.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know it’s been awhile since we last spoke.” That was an understatement.

“Yeah, well, I lost all of the numbers in my phone.” Not that she would have called him. Anyways, he likely didn’t have the same excuse.

He didn’t say anything for a second. She figured he just didn’t have a response to that. “I guess I’ll just cut to the point,” he finally stated. “I need you.”

Lexi froze, not able to comprehend what she had just heard. Her mind poured over the countless interpretations of that statement. “You what?”

“I mean, I need you here.”

Her eyes bulged out. She could feel them drying out, but somehow couldn’t bring herself to blink. She couldn’t process what he was saying. He needed her? Not just needed her, but needed her there with him. Needed her home. She shook her head realizing she must be misunderstanding him. There was no way, after everything that had happened between them, he would ever call her like this. “I’m sorry…what?”

“I’m not getting this out right. It’s kind of hard to explain. Do you have a minute?”

She glanced around her tiny room, as specks of light began to filter in through the window. She visualized her planner, filled to the brim with meetings and appointments weekdays, and then her lame Saturday with only a haircut on the schedule. All she had was time. “It’s six in the morning. Go ahead, Jack,” she said letting his name roll off her tongue the same way he had…she stopped herself. No point in letting her mind venture there.

“Are you sitting down? This is kind of a strange story.”

“Uh…yeah, I am,” she said glancing around her tiny apartment. Her bedroom walls were covered in cracking soft green paint that had probably been there since the dawn of time, and a collage of hooks and holes from previous tenants. Her floor was scattered with dirty laundry and destroyed textbooks. The sparse amount of furniture she had been able to haul up the seven daunting flights of stairs still managed to make the space look cluttered, something she had never quite been able to figure out. “So…uh…what is this strange story?”

“Okay, well, just hear me out, because I promise I wouldn’t have called and bothered you if it wasn’t for a reason I thought was worthwhile.” He sucked in a long deep breath before continuing. “So, I’ve been dating this girl,” he began, coughing a little at the introduction to the conversation. “She’s really great. Actually, I think ya’ll would get along. Anyway, she is really into uh…marriage,” he said awkwardly. “And…well…you know me.”

She did know him. He despised the idea of marriage, the idea of being tied down to one person, suffocating under the monogamous bonds forced upon you by a legally binding document. Knowing that after that moment, there was no turning back. Except, of course, there was always divorce. She was pretty sure that the only thing he hated more than marriage was the idea of divorce. Breaking up was bad enough without the added effort of divvying up possessions, possibly children, moving out, starting a new life, and not to mention court fees, custody battles, and worst of all, lawyers. She giggled a little on the inside at that last thought. After all, she had spent the last two years of her life studying law. “Yeah, I know. Mr. Anti-Commitment,” she said only half-joking.

He breathed out heavily. “Now that you mention it, that’s kind of what it boils down to.”

“What? The fact that you have the capability of convincing women to hold out for you until you break their hearts?” she asked coldly. Really, she had no idea where this was leading. Why was he talking to her, of all people, about possibly marrying his girlfriend? He hadn’t spoken to her in over a year and a half, and she was pretty sure her opinion on marriage was irrelevant to his decision. After all, her opinions on relationships, in general, had always been irrelevant.

“Yeah,” he replied very softly into the phone. She almost hadn’t heard him. “Yeah, that’s what this is about.” She waited for him to elaborate. After a brief pause, he began to explain the mess he had gotten himself into. “My girlfriend asked me if I wanted to marry her. Not like a proposal or anything,” he quickly corrected, “more like a question to see where our relationship was headed. I didn’t have an answer for her. I mean what kind of guy has an answer for that? But as you know…I mean because of my parents…the thought of marriage tends to make me run head first in the opposite direction. She pinned me down though, said she would leave me that second if I didn’t give her an answer, which really took me off guard.”

Lexi felt like she was sitting on the edge of her seat about to witness a train wreck. Any girl who had ever tried to pin Jack down for anything experienced rejection like a blow to the face.

“So I told her that was what I wanted.”

“What?” she sputtered helplessly into the phone. “You told her you wanted to marry her?” Her mouth dropped open forming a little “oh” of disbelief.

He chuckled lightly at her reaction. “I told her I could see myself marrying her, but that I wasn’t ready to commit yet. I mean we’ve only been dating for a year and a half.” Jack cleared his throat before continuing. “Luckily, she took that as a positive answer and didn’t break up with me. Then comes the part of the story where you come in.”

“Me? I don’t see how I could possibly come into a story about you marrying someone else.”

“Well, she wants to meet you.”

She could have never prepared for that answer. “What? I think I must have missed something. The girl that you are dating, that you want to marry, wants to meet me. Why? I’m so…insignificant,” she mumbled disheartened. She couldn’t even think about the different times her and Jack had tried to form a relationship. Nothing had ever worked, and the last time… She stopped herself again from entertaining the thought. The hole that Jack left still ached when prodded, and she avoided irritating the wounded feeling that crept through her.

“Don’t say that. You know you’re not insignificant.” She let silence settle between them, not wanting to be the first to speak next. After listening to her breathe heavily for a while, he spoke again. “She got this idea in her head that she wants to meet every girl I’ve dated to find out why I was unable to commit to them. I guess she think it will help her figure out why I’m not committing to her. And don’t try to say this doesn’t apply to you because we didn’t date. I wouldn’t have dragged you into this Lex, but she heard about you from Kate.”

Lexi recoiled at the mention of Jack’s ex-girlfriend. “So by the way you say that, I’m guessing you actually went through with this insane decision. You are letting this girl pick and pry through your past just so that you don’t have to commit to marrying her right now?” This was low…even for him.

“It’s not like that,” he stated defensively. “I let her talk to them, because I wanted to show her I had nothing to hide. When Kate mentioned you and I didn’t, you can guess how she reacted.

Lexi couldn’t help nodding even though she knew that he couldn’t see her. She wouldn’t be happy. Any female would be unhappy with the description Kate had likely bestowed upon her. Knowing the way Kate felt about her, it probably went along the lines of temptress, devious, manipulative, conniving, two-faced whore with a few added expletives just for good measure. “So Kate told her what happened which is how she got my name, but we were never um…together,” she said not certain if that was the correct word.

“She doesn’t seem to care. She thinks that since I didn’t tell her about you, you somehow must hold all the answers as to why I am the way I am. I tried to tell her that the last I had seen or heard from you was before we’d even started dating, but she is almost as persistent as I am. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I need you, Lex,” he said affectionately using her pet name. “I need you to meet Bekah and convince her I’m worth keeping around.”

Lexi rolled her eyes to the ceiling in exasperation. She didn’t even want to consider whether or not Jack was worth keeping around. Nonetheless, she mulled the idea over. She was, in fact, overdue for an Atlanta trip to visit her family. She had never intended to see Jack, especially if that included parading around with his fiancé-to-be and explaining their history. Pass on that. “You’ve failed to explain how any of this is my problem,” she stated as firmly as possible. “It’s not like I can dash away from my busy schedule to take a wonderful jaunt in the park with you and your girlfriend, or fiancé-to-be, or whatever the hell she is. I have other things to do. I’m kind of busy.”

She could practically feel him cringe through the phone. “I know you’re busy, but I thought that maybe since school wasn’t in session, you might be able to take some time to get off work.”

“Actually, I’m interning. I’ve been working my ass off all summer. I don’t even know if the firm would give me the time off. No one takes time off, and I don’t particularly want to be the only one,” she stated telling only a partial truth. The other three interns had taken time off at the beginning of the program, but it had been before the work had drastically increased. Lately, the interns barely had time to breathe, let alone think of taking a weekend rendezvous out of state. She may have had a quiet Saturday planned, but that hardly kept her from being on call.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize,” he said quietly. “I guess I’ll just have to tell her you weren’t able to get off work. Please let me know if you happen to change your mind. It really would help me out immensely.”

Jack had a talent for making her feel bad about the decision she made, especially if it wasn’t directly in his best interest. “I’d really like to help,” she said, lying through her teeth. “There’s just no way that I can get the time off, and anyway I couldn’t afford the flight,” she said off-handedly.

“I wouldn’t make you buy your own ticket,” he added hastily. “You would be doing me a huge favor. Of course, I would take care of you…uh…it…the ticket.”

“Oh.” The last time she had seen him he was just out of college, poor, and practically starving for a job. Of course he would be doing significantly better financially two years later. Unlike her, sitting in a hundred thousand dollars of student loan debt with a year left in school.

“I guess I’ll let you get back to your morning. Sorry for waking you up so early. You have my number now,” he said as if that solved all the issues. “You can call me if you want.”

“Right. Okay. Thanks,” she stated dumbfounded. Why would she ever have to call Jack?

“Later.”

“Bye.”

She hung up the phone closing it with brutal force. Somehow, she restrained herself from flinging the stupid thing across the room. She was so angry and worked up and also terrified he would never call again. Too many emotions were roiling through her body right now so she did the first thing that came to mind. She quickly added Jack’s name into her contacts despite the nagging urge to erase his number, all recollection of the phone call and him.

Lexi ground her teeth in frustration. She couldn’t believe that after all of this time, this was why he was calling her. He called her because he was in love with another woman. Well, he hadn’t come right out and said that, but it didn’t matter. Jack would never contemplate marriage without due cause. She shook her head hoping she could wake herself from the nightmare of what she had just heard. When that didn’t work, she pushed herself off the ground, careful not to put too much weight on her sore toe, and stalked out of her bedroom into what only a resident of New York City would consider a living room.

In all honesty, the living room, dining room, and kitchen were all compacted into one puny space with two doors leading into the bedrooms on either side. Grimy yellow paint crusted the walls with navy smudges appearing more prominently in some places where the top coat was peeling off. The crown molding was cracked and grungy. Her roommate’s sofa, which luckily had a maroon cover to hide the seventies-esque pattern, took up the majority of the room. Two large bean bags, one brown and one turquoise, sat to one side, and a black Ikea table donned the other. A brown coffee table, left over from the previous owner, was cluttered with old newspapers, coffee stains, and seemingly endless dents from late night escapades. The only remotely spectacular item in the living room was the flat screen television her parents had given her as a move-in present.

Dusty wood floors creaked as she walked to the kitchen to brew the pot of coffee she so desperately needed. An off-white refrigerator hummed noisily along the far wall closest to Lexi’s door. A window was etched into the wall above the aluminum-plated sink revealing a glossy view of the street below. After Lexi prepared the coffee, she leaned back against the cool counter and ran her fingers through her brown matted waves.

Her laid back Saturday had gone from relaxing to a spastic panic attack in the span of a fifteen minute phone call. When the timer went off, she poured herself a mug and guzzled the steaming coffee as quickly as she could muster before moseying back into her room to take a shower. Even though she drank the coffee black, the caffeine barely hit her. She knew by the time she was out of the shower, any signs of consuming it would have all but dissipated. She scrubbed her body vigorously with cranberry body soap. After applying shampoo through her long tresses and rinsing, she cut the shower off, dried her body, and slicked her hair back into a high ponytail. She threw on a pair of red Nike track shorts, a flimsy black tank, and a pair of running shoes. Making her way back into the kitchen, she poured the remaining pot of coffee into a travelers mug and scribbled a quick note for her roommate since this was the one morning she had actually woken up before her.

Forgoing a cab, Lexi trekked on auto-pilot across town, haphazardly knocking into eager tourists staring skyward. She remembered being one of those clueless people when she had first arrived in town. Now, she could navigate the city nearly as well as any homegrown New Yorker, except for her best friend, Chyna.

That was precisely who she was after as she meandered down Park Avenue on the way to the Upper East Side. It always baffled her that her best friend was more wealthy than she would likely be in her lifetime. But they got along and Chyna didn’t seem to mind the financial discrepancy.

Lexi and Chyna had met nearly two years ago standing in line at a nightclub. Well, Lexi had been in line. Chyna absolutely refused to be subjected to waiting outside, when there was fun to be had on the inside. Lexi was next in line, wearing a scandalous outfit more fit for her home in Georgia than fall in York. She had been freezing her ass off for the past hour when Chyna arrived at the front entrance of the same locale gliding out of an onyx-colored town car, and directly through the rope.

Having seen one too many of these girls flounce into the club in front of her, Lexi began throwing a fit yelling about another skanky whore taking her place inside, not even caring that the bouncer looked like he was itching to kick her out of line. Surprisingly, Chyna stopped in her tracks, turned towards her, and asked her directly what she had said. Lexi repeated herself, smiling through chattering teeth the whole time. The bouncer’s eyes had bulged at her comments and moved to remove her from the line, but Chyna put her hand out stopping him in his tracks. She then demanded he allow Lexi inside. Ever since that night, they had been all but inseparable.

Lexi planted herself on the front steps of Chyna’s apartment building, smiling at the doorman. “You’re here early, Miss Lexi,” Bernard said opening the door for her and signaling for her to enter.

“Yeah, I had a pretty shitty morning to be honest, Mr. B.”

“I’m sure it was nothing you can’t handle,” he said with his ever enthusiastic smile.

“Thanks, but you give me too much credit,” she said producing a smile of her own. “Chyna upstairs?” she asked as she stepped through the entranceway.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Alone?” she threw the question over her shoulder.

He smiled that all-knowing smile and winked at her. Lexi laughed wondering if Chyna ever slept alone.

Lexi took the elevator to the top floor, listening absentmindedly to the classical ballad playing through the speakers. After exiting, she located the door to Chyna’s apartment, slid the gold key into the lock, and twisted it. Swinging the door open, she smiled inwardly at the new renovations Chyna had effectuated into her foyer.

Her taste was constantly changing, and with a trust fund hovering somewhere around the nine digit range, why not adjust your life, home, and wardrobe whichever way the wind blew. At present, a crystal cut vase overflowed with seasonal flora on top of a square, white, sculpted table in the middle of the pristine entranceway. She prayed she hadn’t tracked in mud or sidewalk grime on the freshly waxed marble floors as she strode through the foyer and down a small flight of stairs into the sunken living room. Lexi couldn’t imagine a space contrasting with her apartment more than Chyna’s den. In square feet, the living room along was larger than Lexi’s entire residence. The pure white carpet was constantly steam cleaned to maintain its perfection. A sofa, loveseat and recliner—all a matching set of soft black leather—centered on an entertainment center rivaling a movie theatre. Original oil paintings Chyna had collected while traveling throughout Europe decorated several walls and black and white photographs floated in a collage of frames against one another.

Advancing across the room and through the arching hallway, Lexi made her way to Chyna’s bedroom. She cracked the door open, and peered into the expansive room to see if Chyna did, in fact, have a companion in her king-sized, four-poster bed. “Chyna,” she whispered into the darkness. “Chyna. Wake up, chica.”

A deliberate grunt sounded from the other end of the room. “Go away.”

“Get your tiny ass out of bed! Is there someone in there with you? I’m not afraid to do jumping jacks on your five million thread count sheets,” she taunted with surprisingly more enthusiasm then she thought she was capable of that particular morning.

“You wouldn’t,” a muffled cry emanated from the darkness.

“Come on. How well do you know me?” Lexi questioned.

The covers flew to the foot of the bed and Chyna sat up grudgingly. “All too well,” she grumbled swishing her glossy black hair over one shoulder.

Lexi pursed her lips with envy as Chyna slung her long olive-toned legs over the edge of the bed and hopped down. With the genetics of an Italian supermodel, Chyna was enviable from head to toe. Chyna felt more comfortable sauntering around in skimpy lingerie than probably anyone else in existence. But why not? She was rail thin with large perfectly perky breasts and a petite ass that didn’t even look remotely fat in white, ultra skinny jeans. Her flawless complexion had never seen a blemish. Her large emerald eyes were almost always smoky and seductive. She was one hundred percent her mother’s daughter in appearance and her father in personality, which explained why she didn’t get along with either.

Her parents had made a public mess of their divorce when she was in high school, spreading their personal affairs all over the tabloids. Chyna wasn’t sure why they had gotten so angry with each other. She had known since she was ten years old that both of her parents were having affairs. It had been pretty obvious. She couldn’t understand why they hadn’t realized that as well, but they hadn’t. Or at least they had pretended they didn’t know, possibly for her sake, but more likely, they looked the other way to hold on to some semblance of why they had gotten married in the first place. Money. Love. Who knew? Now her father couldn’t look at her, and her mother couldn’t be around her.

“What are you doing here so early? Unbelievable, Alexa,” she chided, using Lexi’s full name as always. “You know I need a minimum seven hours of beauty sleep or I look like shit all day. Do I look like I went to bed at midnight?”

Lexi smiled at her. Chyna looked like she had never gotten less than seven hours of sleep in her life. “Oh wow, I’m sorry,” she said in mock repentance. “You look like an ugly old hag this morning. Perhaps you should sleep for another three hours.”

“You’re right,” she nodded. “I’ve only been sleeping for four hours.”

Lexi sighed dramatically. “The world will end.”

Chyna poked Lexi’s shoulder playfully. “Shut up, you.”

“Bernard mentioned there was someone with you?” Lexi asked cocking an eyebrow at her.

“Oh, phew on him. What do I pay him for anyway? I threw that boy out hours ago,” she said smiling mischievously. “Now, what in the world are you doing here so early? Our hair appointment isn’t for a few more hours.” Lexi brushed the flyaways behind her ear anxiously, a clear indicator of her anxiety. “Oh God, it’s a boy,” Chyna squealed in excitement. “Tell me everything!”

Chyna always got excited when Lexi mentioned a new guy. Mostly, Lexi figured because it happened so infrequently. Pretty much since she had moved to the city, she had been too preoccupied with school, and relationships had been placed on the backburner. Every now and then, she would go out on dates with guys from class or someone Chyna recommended, but, it never worked out. When it came to her luck with men, Lexi preferred just to avoid the situation entirely.

“Well, it’s kind of a strange story,” she began, realizing she had exactly mirrored Jack’s words. Chyna nodded enthusiastically, bouncing on her toes in anticipation. “So, you remember Jack?” she asked tentatively, forcing herself not to wince when she said his name.

Chyna’s faced clouded over and a crease formed between her eyebrows. “Oh no, not him,” she said pleadingly. “Please tell me that this has nothing to do with him.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Lexi asked, strangely enough, finding herself getting defensive.

“Alexa, Alexa,” she scolded, “do you not remember yourself after that boy left?”

Lexi did remember. She could still feel it every time she thought about him. When she stumbled across a picture of them together or passed a particularly cozy looking coffee shop, she remembered it all like it was yesterday. Only in the past six months had a numbness started to take over that feeling. Sometimes it still hit her fresh nearly two years later. He was capable of eliciting such emotional and physiological responses to this day, even though they had never officially been together. She was amazed she had turned him down over the phone after no contact for that long. If he had called for anything else, she was certain she would have crumbled.

“Yeah, I remember,” Lexi said softly.

“Well, then, why would you bring him up?” Chyna demanded.

“He called me,” she said brushing her hair back several more times before meeting Chyna’s disapproving eyes.

“And?” Chyna asked with a look of firm protectiveness taking over her features.

Lexi sighed, and then quickly gave Chyna the run down on the mess Jack had gotten himself into, and what he had requested of her. She forced all the words out in quick procession, not allowing Chyna to get in one word edge wise. When she finished, she breathed out heavily and looked up to find Chyna staring at her curiously. Somewhere throughout her story, Chyna’s features had changed, softened. Lexi wasn’t quite sure what it meant. “So yeah, that was my morning. Sounds great, doesn’t it?”

“You turned him down?” she asked clearly surprised. After everything she had been through with Jack, her feelings for him were unrivaled.

“Yeah, I did. Aren’t you proud?”

“I think you should do it,” she stated simply.

“What?” Lexi asked bursting from her comfortable lying position on the bed. “This morning is just nuts. Jack calls, and then you, of all people, tell me that I should go visit him and meet his fiancé?”

“Fiancé-to-be,” Chyna quipped letting a naughty smirk creep onto her face.