Текст книги "I am free "

Автор книги: Regina Bartley

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

13

Grace

I had no idea what just happened, but it scared me a bit. We were just talking to these guys and Jackson made such a scene. He’d obviously had way too much to drink. Kennedy knew just how to handle him because with a few words she was able to get him to leave. Not just us, but he left the entire bar. I watched him as he left with Holly under his arm. I didn’t ask Kennedy about her, but I wanted to. It was obvious that Holly and Jackson was a couple.

Kennedy took up for me when Holly and the rest of the table were laughing at me, but I later told her that it wasn’t necessary. She didn’t have to come to my defense, because I never cared what anyone thought of me. Maybe it was years of obedience that my parents hammered into my brain. Looks were never an issue, and neither were materialistic things. We’d always been looked at differently back home. Even in the grocery store, people would laugh and point. My mom always told me to hold my head high. That being different was okay. As long as we didn’t have a problem with it, then no one else should either. I guess what she said always stuck with me. Sometimes situations would become uncomfortable just like earlier tonight when we stood at the table with all the “ass-holes” as Kennedy called them. I kept a smile on my face so that they would know that their words were petty, that they didn’t bother me at all. The only thing that did bother me was the way that Jackson acted. It was as if he didn’t know who I was. I shrugged it off. I thought maybe because Kennedy was so excepting of me, that maybe he would be too. I was completely wrong. I suppose he only wanted to be friends with me when no one was looking, or when he needed something.

I wanted to laugh at the thought. I wanted to just say grow up, and was glad when Kennedy had pulled me away from them.

The guys that we’d been talking to seemed not to care. They were very nice. Kennedy made it so easy for me. She introduced me and did most of the talking. I was never uneasy or pressured, and they were both very nice. Too be honest, I thought maybe they were a whole lot older than Jackson and his friends because they didn’t act so childish. It was a nice change of pace.

Well, up until Jackson came to ruin it.

“I’m so sorry about that. He’s very drunk and he gets a little overprotective.”

“It’s okay.” Adam said. He was the tall guy that clearly had his eyes on Kennedy.

His friend Preston was really nice too. He never made jokes or laughed at me. We had real, adult conversation. We talked about his job and how he worked all the time. We also talked about my love for poetry which I never really talked much about before. He loved art and so one subject led to the next. Before I knew it we were laughing and having a great time.

“We have to be going because I have to be at work early in the morning.” Preston said. He took my hand and shook it telling me how nice it was to meet me, and it was. It was very nice.

I noticed that Kennedy and Adam were exchanging numbers and I thought maybe that was what I should be doing with Preston, but I’m kind of glad he didn’t suggest it. Baby steps were best for me, and I was in no way ready to start going on real dates.

We said our goodbyes and Kennedy asked if I was ready to leave too. I nodded and followed her as she led us out the doors into the cool night air.

“So,” she beamed locking her arm through mine as we walked through the parking lot. “What did you think?”

I leaned my head over to rest on her shoulder. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “I had a great time.”

“YES!” She yelled out. “I knew that you would. I told you I would introduce you to some people with class didn’t I?” She hummed proudly as we made our way to the car.

“Yes you did, and the guys were nice. I hope that you’ll let me go with you again sometime?” I suggested. I knew that her other friends were supposed to go with us tonight, and I had a horrible feeling that they backed out because of me. Why? I didn’t know. Maybe they didn’t want to be seen with me, or maybe they were worried that I was moving in on their best friend. I really had no idea, because I had nothing to compare this too. Everything was new to me.

“Are you kidding me? Of course we’ll go again. I love having you around. I don’t have to try so hard with you.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as we reached the car.

“You saw the way those ass-holes acted in there.” She said and I nodded. “My friends are no different Grace. I can’t stand it. Maybe I’m an outsider just like you, because I don’t give two shits about their fancy cars or their snobby attitudes or even their daddy’s money. I’m not going to be in this damn city forever and all I want is to be real. This fake shit gets on my nerves.” She winked at me and we climbed into the car.

She was so refreshing. I think I was beginning to love her. Not like love her love her, but like a best friend kind of love.

“I’m sorry about the way my brother and his girlfriend acted.”

And there was the magic G word.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Don’t worry about it. You think I haven’t heard it before? I’ve been called everything.” I waved her off.

“That doesn’t hurt you at all?” She turned around to face me in her seat. “Honestly Grace. How can that not bother you?”

“There was probably a time when it did many years ago, but not now. I love me, all of me. I love my shoes that have laces and my plain white socks. I love my skirts and my sweaters. I love that I have never once said the F word. I love that I haven’t had sex yet. I love that I now have my very first best friend and I am eighteen years old.” I smiled. “I’d love to tell you about my home life some time when I’m ready, but for now just know that I’m fine. I’m free.”

Her head leaned over against the headrest beside her. She smiled.  I knew that she was probably wondering what I meant. She was probably running every crazy scenario through her head about my home life, but she never asked. “I love being your very first best friend.” She admitted.

“Me too. Now take me somewhere for some greasy food would ya?” I laughed and buckled my seat belt.

“You got it.” She started the car. “Hey.”

“What?” I asked.

“I hope now that you’ve seen his true colors that you’ll be over my brother.” She stated matter of fact. I felt the lump in my stomach all the way down to my butt. How the heck did she know that?

Please let this be the last time she brings this up. I thought to myself.

“Hard to be over him, when I was never under him.” I replied.

Her eyes widened. “Why little Grace, did you just make your first obscene joke?”

“What can I say? You’re rubbing off on me.” I laughed as we pulled out of the parking lot. We giggled all the way to nearest drive-thru.

14

Jackson

It was Wednesday, and I was sitting in the parking lot at school with my Lit paper in my hands, the paper that Grace had helped me write. Written in red sharpie on the top was my Grade. I’d gotten an A-. This was the best grade I had gotten on a paper since I’d been in college, and I owed it all to Grace. I had to share it with her.

I drove the few minutes to the library hoping that she’d be working.

I took the steps to the building two at a time. Opening the glass door, I searched for her. She wasn’t behind the front desk. I didn’t see anyone there. I walked through every roll of books until I finally spotted her. She had her back to me and was searching through a cart of books. I ran to her quickly not thinking about what I was doing. I grabbed her around the waist and lifted her off of the ground spinning her around.

She let out a loud squeal, and slapped my hand.

“Grace it’s me.” I said putting her back on her feet.

“Jackson.” She heaved a sigh of relief. “You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

Her already pale face was even more ghostly. Her hand was still over her obviously racing heart when she finally looked at the paper I was holding out in front of me.

Her lip rose up a little on the corners, but it was half hearted. I thought she’d be happier than this. I thought that she’d be as happy as I was, overjoyed even.

“That’s great Jackson.” She said just above a whisper and turned back around to the bookshelf.

“What’s wrong Grace? Aren’t you happy for me?” I asked. This wasn’t the usual Grace that I was used to seeing. Normally she’d be smiling and full of life. Something was wrong with her.

“Yeah Jackson. Good job.” She said half-heartedly.

“You don’t sound too happy.”

She turned on her heels and looked me straight in the eyes. “I guess I wasn’t aware that we were speaking again.” Her eyes narrowed and she frowned.

Damn it¸ that hurt. “I deserve that.”

“Look it’s okay. I don’t care that you’re ashamed to be friends with me, but I’m not stooping to your level. This is my first chance at normalcy and I’d much rather spend it with people who are real.”

“Grace.” I spoke her name and could see the effect that it had on her. She loved hearing me say her name as much as much as I loved saying it. “I’m sorry.”

“I said it was okay. I don’t need or expect an apology from you, especially if you don’t mean it. I’m glad that you passed your essay, and I’ll help you anytime you need it. But let’s don’t pretend to be friends when we’re not.”

I swallowed the massive lump in my throat. It felt like I’d been punched in the gut, but I deserved it. I don’t know why I acted like such a douche to her. She’d never done anything to deserve it. She’d been nothing but amazing to me, and I repaid her by pretending that I didn’t even know her. When all I really wanted to do was actually know her.

I placed my hand on her shoulder and felt her body tense underneath my hand.

“I have to get back to work.” She quickly pushed the cart away and said nothing else. What else could she say? She didn’t owe me anything and she’d spoken her peace.

I walked out of the building the same way I’d came in, and I didn’t look back.

First I was angry with myself for treating her like that, then I was angry with Kennedy for introducing me to her, and then I was angry with Grace for being such a do-gooder. Too much time had passed with my mind focused solely on her, and I wasn’t wasting one more second. I knew that I’d never have a chance with her, and subconsciously I think I only wanted to sleep with her. At least that was what I was telling myself. It was fun while it lasted.

“Later Grace.” I flipped up the deuces as I walked down the steps of the library. I didn’t want to think about Little Bo Peep again.

15

Grace

The weeks had passed by so quickly. I loved my job and had picked up all the hours that Trish would allow. I was there more often than not, which was perfectly fine by me. I loved the money and the comfort of having a routine. Kennedy and I were still having the best time. She hung out with me a lot at the house, and Aunt Darcy loved her. We went on shopping trips, movie trips, and even trips to the salon. She had paid for me to have my first pedicure, and I got my hair trimmed by someone other than my mom. It was perfect, sort of. I doubt that I’ll be having any more pedicures anytime soon. I didn’t realize I was so ticklish and it was hard communicating with the lady because she didn’t speak English. I could mark it off of my freedom list, but wouldn’t be experiencing it again any time soon.

I’d just gotten off the phone with Kennedy who was on her way over with exciting news. I wasn’t sure what that meant, and by the tone of her voice I was a little scared. She was the most unpredictable person I’d ever met, and the funniest.

There was a knock on the door, but I didn’t bother getting off the couch. Kennedy would just walk on in liked she owned the place.

“Guess what?” She hopped onto the couch next to me. I was too busy staring at her breasts to guess.

Holy crap, where was the rest of her shirt?

“You like.” She wiggled her chest in front of me.

I laughed. “I hope you didn’t pay full price for that. They forgot some material.” I joked. I loved being able to be myself around her. I didn’t even realize how funny I actually was until Kennedy came into my life.

“Ha ha,” She rolled her eyes. “But really, guess what?”

“I’ll never guess it right, so just tell me and save us both the trouble.”

“We have a date.” She squealed.

I’m pretty sure that was the exact moment that I’d forgotten how to breathe. I couldn’t get it right. Was it in and out, or out than in.

She grabbed me by my shoulders and gave me a little shake. “Pull yourself together woman.”

“A date.” I could feel the look of horror all over my face.

She nodded. “With Adam and Preston. A double date,” she explained.

I let out my breath. Whew. I guess I knew how to breathe after all.

“Let’s go to my house and get ready.” She jumped up grabbing my arm.

“Wait. Are you sure that I’m wanted on this date? I mean this isn’t some pity thing were Preston and I are needed for some kind of friend diversion?”

“What?” She laughed. “What the hell is a friend diversion?”

“You know like you can’t go on your date without having a friend with you as backup.” I explained. How did I know that, and she didn’t?

“I have got to get you away from the television. It’s seriously frying that gorgeous brain of yours. Now stop fretting. When Adam called me earlier he said that Preston wanted to ask you himself, but since he had no way of contacting you, he left Adam to do his dirty work. They both want us to come out. So we are going.”

I grinned sheepishly. “My first real date.”

“Yes, now go get your stuff and lets go.”

I made it to my room and back in record time. I was more excited about the date then I realized, and this was the first time that I was going to be inside of Kennedy’s house. For some reason that excited me too.

We made the drive to her house and when we pulled into the driveway I suddenly got nervous. I hadn’t seen Jackson in weeks, and I was worried that I’d run into him. If I did, what would I say? How would he act? I hesitated before getting out of the car.

“He’s not here.” She eyed me curiously.

“Are you telepathic or something?”

Kennedy put her arm around me. “No, but your expressions are easy to read. It’s one of the many things I love about you. Now come on.”

She put her key in the lock and turned the knob to the front door. The noise was crazy loud. I arched an eyebrow at her wondering what was going on. It sounded like there was a concert coming from somewhere inside the house. She rolled her eyes and led me into the largest sitting room I’d ever seen. Seriously, my bedroom would have fit inside of it five times. My mouth dropped open when I saw a guy standing on the floor in front of the television holding a plastic colorful guitar and banging his head to what I then realized was the concert coming from the T.V.

I couldn’t contain the laughter that escaped my mouth. He was like a rock star or something.

Kennedy walked over to the remote and hit a button causing the room to grow silent. The tall guy with the shaggy hair started to say something to her, which I figured wouldn’t be nice, but that was until he spotted me. A large playful grin spread across his beautiful face, and he had the cutest dimples I’d ever seen.

“Grace, come meet my other brother Tucker.” She waved me over.

“Hey Gracie,” he said with a sugary tone and I was flattered all the way to my toes. Good looks obviously ran in this family. He was clearly much older that Kennedy and Jackson, but still super cute.

He held out a hand to me and I placed mine inside it. “Hey, nice to meet you Tucker,” I said.

“Aren’t you the cutest thing ever?” He gloated still holding my hand in his.

I wanted to say likewise, but didn’t have the guts. His harmless flirting was already making me a weakling.

“She is also too young for you.” Kennedy growled at him, taking my hand out of his.

Tucker was still smiling at me as Kennedy pulled me away quickly. “Nice to meet you Tucker.” I called after him.

“You too beautiful.”

“Do not pay any attention to him. Please.” Kennedy explained.

“He’s harmless,” I said. “And very cute.”

“And too old for you.” She said.

“I know. I’m just stating the obvious.”

She shook her head. “I really am rubbing off on you.”

Up the stairs, to the right, and at the end of the long hallway was Kennedy’s bedroom. Or should I say Kennedy’s apartment. This place had everything. There was an attached bathroom with a shower and a tub the size of a small swimming pool. She had a small balcony, and there was a mini fridge next to her closet. I couldn’t stop myself from opening it. I had to see what was inside.

There were Mt. Dews, bottled water, and Reese cups.

“The necessities,” she said tossed her stuff on the floor like it was no big deal.

“Since when is caffeine and chocolate a necessity?” I asked.

“Since forever.” She gave me a weird look. “You were deprived as a kid, and don’t tell me you weren’t. That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it.”

I just laughed. I knew I wasn’t deprived. We had sweets and caffeine sometimes, especially during holidays. My childhood wasn’t awful –at least not always, just very strict and defined. If my father had never hit me, I’d probably still be there, despite my indifferences and their beliefs.

“Let’s change and get ready.”

She started stripping off her clothes right there in front of me.

I gave her an awkward glance.

“Oh come on Grace. We are both girls. I have seen all the girlie parts there are to see, yours will be no different.”

That’s easy for her to say. She stood there, bare chest, and she was beautiful. I was as modest as they came.

I turned my back to her and lifted the shirt over my head. If she could do it, then so could I. Kind of. I kept my back facing her so that she wouldn’t get a frontal view. I wasn’t quite ready to jump all in.

“Grace. Oh my God.”

Realization hit me.

The scars.

She saw my scars.

Crap. I’d been so worried about her seeing my front that I hadn’t even thought about my back. No one had seen those scars, but my mother. It was the worst memory I’d had of my father, and I was in no way ready to relive that day yet. Not with myself, and definitely not with Kennedy. Not yet.

“What happened to you?” She asked. There was concern in her voice.

Of course there was concern. She was my friend. I took a deep breath trying to think of the right thing to say to keep her from asking too much.

“Remember that home life I didn’t want to talk about?” I said. I turned to face her and saw the sadness in her eyes. She nodded her head in understanding. She didn’t speak.

“I still don’t want to talk about it.” I admitted.

There was a long awkward pause from her as she looked over my bare body. There was a brief moment where I actually thought she might cry. I was shocked when all she said was, “Okay.” That was it. There was no added pressure on me. She didn’t ask any other questions, but I could tell that she wanted to. It wasn’t something that I was ready to discuss yet. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be ready.

With a hint of a smile on my face, I tried to reassure her. I wanted her to know that if I ever did want to talk about that she’d be the one that I’d tell. I trusted her that much. Reaching for her hand and squeezing it in mine I whispered. “Come on. Let’s finish getting ready. I’ll let you see my boobs.” I couldn’t contain the laughter that escaped my lips.

She laughed too. The tension in the room was finally lifted. The conversation wasn’t over. I knew that. But for a moment it wasn’t going to be thought about. That was all I could ask for.

Kennedy wore this beautiful green dress that of course showed way too much skin but she looked gorgeous. Her hair was curled and pinned back from her face. I wore a dark gray top that my Aunt Darcy had bought me that was a little bit form fitting to my body, and it had a high neckline. It was beautiful and I couldn’t wait to have some place nice to wear it to. I could in no way compare myself to Kennedy, but I felt pretty, and that was all that mattered.

We talked about the night as I sat on Kennedy’s bathroom sink and watched her spend thirty minutes putting on her makeup. It was unbelievable the amount of work it took. It seemed easy to do, but there were so many items that she put on. I couldn’t keep up. And I had no clue how she kept from poking her eyes out.

The last thing that she put on was lipstick. It was bright red, and amazing. I loved it. She caught me eyeing it, and slid the tube in my direction.

“Try it on, Gracie.” She over exaggerated the name that Tucker had given me earlier. “It’s not dangerous, it’s beautiful.” She smiled.

I pinched my lips together tightly thinking about it, before jumping off the bathroom counter. In two shaky movements, I had the prettiest lips I’d ever seen.

“Perfect.” Kennedy said. “You ready to go?”

Was I? Would I actually go out of the house with this stuff on?

Yes I would. “Let’s go. I’m ready.” I popped my lips and smiled big.

She busted out laughing, shaking her head at me. “First get the lipstick off your teeth, Cinderella.” She said still laughing.

I turned to face the mirror. My front tooth was just as red as my lips. “I,” I hesitated. “I was just saving that for later.” I shrugged. We laughed together.

“Right.”

We left the house and headed to meet the guys. I was nervous, excited, and I really couldn’t wait. My first real date, or double date I should say. Let’s do this.