Текст книги "I am free "

Автор книги: Regina Bartley

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

26

Jackson

I had my phone in my hand ready to dial her number. I’d been thinking about this call since the moment I left her house. I couldn’t wait to hear her voice, and I’d planned on keeping her up for her first all night conversation. I intended to find out as much as I could about her, if she’d let me.

Making myself comfortable in my bed, I pressed the call button. She answered on the second ring.

“Hello.” She said hesitantly.

“Hi.” I said.

“Who is this?” She asked.

I sat there a minute. Did she not recognize my voice? I knew I’d never actually called her phone before, but I thought she was expecting my call.

“I’m just kidding.” She giggled. She really giggled. It was the cutest sound ever.

“You little jokester.”

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.” Her admission was adorable.

“It’s a good thing I can take a joke.” I smiled although she couldn’t see me. “What are you doing?”

“I was just writing in my poetry journal.”

“You like poetry?” I asked. Let the questions begin.

“I love it. I’m not a professional or anything. It’s just something I like doing. It’s better than a diary to me. More therapeutic,” she explained. “Do you keep a journal or anything?”

I laughed. “No. Isn’t that a girl thing?”

“No, you jerk face.”

“Did you just call me a jerk face?”

“Maybe…” There was that giggle again. “Jackson can I ask you a question? I mean will you answer me honestly?”

“Sure.” I was a little nervous, but I’d be honest with her. I owed her that much.

There was a little pause, and I was thinking that maybe she wasn’t going to ask after all.

“What made you change your mind?”

“About what?” I asked.

“Me. You were all -I like you let me kiss you, then you were all -I don’t want to talk to you or be seen with you. I’m getting whip lash.”

I knew I needed to be honest. “Preston.” I sighed, “If I’m being honest. I hated seeing him with you. I hated it so bad. I didn’t want him touching you. I didn’t want him to share whatever thoughts you had in your head. I wanted them to be for me.”

She was silent, eerily silent.

“I told you I’d be honest.”

“Thank you.” The line fell silent once more, but she finally spoke. “Does that mean that this is just a jealousy thing? Do you just want me, because someone else does?”

“No. It doesn’t. It means that I’m staking claim on what’s mine. Or what I’d like to be mine. I want to be with you Grace. I want to kiss you. I want to talk to you all the time. I want you to be my girl. Not just sometime, all the time.” I admitted. I wanted her to know where I stood. I was ready to take that leap with her.

“Your girl?”

“My girl.” I repeated.

“Can we take things slow? I’m not ready to turn over my heart just yet.” Her voice was low and solemn.

That was not exactly a –yes I want to be your girl, but I’d take it. “We can go as slow as you want? Would you come to my game on Friday?”

“I’ll think about it.” She said.

Whew. This was going to be harder than I thought. It was just a basketball game. When she said slow, she meant it.

The topic of conversation took a wide left turn and I was glad. We had the serious stuff taken care of. I wanted to ask her more questions about herself. She was always open and honest with me about everything, even when I asked about our kiss. She was not as shy over the phone as she was in person. She was braver. I felt like I could ask almost anything. Almost…

When she started yawning, she said she needed to get off the phone. It was just past eleven, and I could hear just how tired she was. I didn’t want to let her go just yet. I persuaded her not to hang up. I used my soft, gravely voice to convince her to stay. Told her that I just wanted to hear her breathing, and it was the truth. I’d never been in a relationship like this. Not one where I wanted to hear her voice, and see her face. Not one where I thought about her all the time. This was so much more. She had situated herself right inside my chest, where I’d break if I ever let her go.

Her breathing was heavy, and as she drifted off to sleep I could hear a tiny little snore. It was so quiet, that I’d miss it if I weren’t really listening. Hanging on the line just a little longer, I waited for her to make a sound, any sound. Did she talk in her sleep? I had to hang up. She wasn’t the type of girl that would like for me to be listening to her without her knowledge. She was good and pure, and as innocent as they come. No matter how badly I wanted to lie there and listen to her all night, I couldn’t.

I whispered goodnight, and hung up the phone. Breathing deeply and thinking about her beautiful voice, I drifted off to sleep. With her on my mind, I knew I’d have the best dreams ever.

27

Grace

“Grace! Kennedy is here.”

“Okay. Be right down.” I called downstairs to Aunt Darcy.

At the bottom of the steps Kennedy was waiting. “You ready?” She asked.

“Where we going?”

“Jackson said he invited you to the game, and I’m here to make sure that you go. Mom and Dad are in the car. They’re going too.”

“I… Maybe…” I hesitated. I was going to kill him for telling her. The point was to take things slow. I didn’t want to jump right into things without knowing for sure that he was serious.

“Get your coat and your mittens. Move it sister.”

There was no arguing with her, but I gave her an evil look. That would teach her.

“I’m so glad that you decided to come dear. Jackson has been talking about you for days. I’m so glad that you too are finally going to be together.” Claire said as she reached around the seat and patted my knee.

Whoa. What? Hold the phone?

Crap. Even in my head I sounded like Kennedy.

I smiled. That was it, and it wasn’t even a real smile. It was more like an I’m-truly-frightened-and-I-may-puke, half smile. What happened to taking it slow? Did he tell his parents everything? I hadn’t even talked to Kennedy about this, but after looking at her face, she obviously thought this was the greatest thing in the world. Her wide smile spread all the way to the tips of her eyes, and once again I thought I was going to puke.

I turned my head to stare out the window. It suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough air in the car. Everyone in it was sucking up too much of my oxygen.

Share. Share the freaking oxygen people.

Nick drove around the parking lot at the school several times, until he finally chose a spot. Claire kept nagging at him to pick a spot some time in this century. They were highly amusing. I was thankful for their light banter, because it was helping to keep my mind off the inevitable. I bundled up my coat a little tighter, and pressed myself into Kennedy’s side as we made our way inside.

The seating was ridiculous at the school. I’d never saw so many people. It was unbelievable the amount of space and people it took to fill up the place. The place was huge. Everyone was wearing their school shirts in support of the team, and I was in my usual skirt and sweater. Sticking out like a sore thumb was something I mastered. There was no need in changing things now.

Nick and Claire led us to our seats, the most amazing seats in the house. They had to be. We were just a few rows from the floor. We’d probably be able to smell the sweat from the players.

I cringed at my thought.

Behind us were thousands of seats, and they rose high up to the ceiling. I could feel my knees tremble at the thought of having to sit up at the top.

“Isn’t this amazing?” Kennedy leaned over to speak to me. The packed house was noisy so I could barely hear her.

I nodded my head in agreement. This was my first time. My first live sporting event, my first time inside of an arena that big, and my first time watching Jackson play ball. My heart was beating clean out of my chest.

Kennedy must have read my mind. She gave my hand a squeeze and then passed the time away trying to teach me about basketball. More like scream at me about basketball. I knew what basketball was; I just didn’t know the rules. Kennedy never minded though. She kept right on yelling in my ear. She’d already taught me so much in the time I’d known her, and not just about basketball. She never laughed at me when I didn’t understand things, or when I was lost. There was the occasional time when she couldn’t help but laugh, but those were the times when I laughed too, right along with her. It wasn’t at my expense. Her laughter was never at my expense.

“Don’t look now, but Holly is in the building.” Kennedy said.

Of course I had to look. I couldn’t miss her with her bleach-blonde hair, as Kennedy called it. Her eyes were wide, and I could feel her anger from my seat. She was much better at the evil face then I was. She obviously wasn’t thrilled that I was the one sitting with Kennedy and her family. Can’t say I blame her. If I were in her shoes, I’d be mad too.

“That’s the student section,” Kennedy explained. It was a large group of seats just off to the right from where we were sitting. I could fly a paper airplane to them. That’s how close they were. “Don’t pay any attention to her.”

As Kennedy was talking, the lights dimmed. Loud music erupted from the speakers, and the crowd started to chant. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but I was getting eager. A man came over the intercom and announced the teams and the flashing lights went crazy. They were like laser beams through the crowd.

Kennedy reached for my hand, and pulled me to my feet as they were announcing Jackson’s team. I hadn’t even seen them come in, and they were already huddled around in front of us. It was a sea of red jerseys. They must have come in while I was watching the light show.

“What number is he?” I asked when I realized that I had no idea. “Never mind.” I’d recognize those blue eyes anywhere. He must have known where we’d be sitting, because his eyes fell directly on us. His family probably sat in the same seats every time.

He smiled at me as he stood there in his uniform. His jersey had a big number 21 on the front. Gosh, he looked amazing. I couldn’t stop staring. His arms were big and meaty. That was the only word I could think of. I thought that maybe I’d need my heart restarted when he winked at me.

I couldn’t believe that he did it, but then I realized that no one would have noticed in this stir-crazy room. I was wrong. Glancing to my left, all eyes were on me. Both his parents and Kennedy wore huge smiles on their faces. My face grew red, and we all laughed.

Way to make me embarrassed Jackson. It’s a good thing he wasn’t close enough for me to touch. I probably would have went for the smack in the back of the head the way my Mom used to do my brother when he was too loud at the dinner table. I stored that away for later; sure he’d give me another reason to use it.

They announced the players’ names, and when it was Jackson’s turn I cheered along. I couldn’t help myself. It was so easy to get sucked into the enthusiasm of the crowd.

I found out rather quickly that Jackson was good. He was very good. I hardly knew anything of the game, but his shots always went into the basket. The game was a blowout win at 72-37.

“What did you think?” Nick asked me as we were walking back to the car. His heavy arm was draped over my shoulder.

I was still wound up from the game. “It was incredible. I loved it. I’ve never seen so many people before, and I didn’t know that Jackson was so good.” I rambled on. If I was feeling this ecstatic, I couldn’t imagine what it must’ve felt like to be out there on the floor playing. It had to be a pure adrenaline rush.

“He is good.” He squeezed my shoulder tighter. “I’m glad you had fun Gracie.”

Oh no.

I looked up at him. “Not you too. Tucker is rubbing off on everyone.”

He chuckled.

“You staying the night with me Grace?” Kennedy asked. “I have to work tomorrow too, so I can drive us.”

“Sure, why not.” I didn’t have any other plans.

I took my cell phone out of my jacket pocket and noticed that I had a new voicemail message. I hadn’t even heard my phone ring with all the commotion at the game.

I held the phone up to my ear and listened to the message.

“Grace, it’s Aunt Darcy. I don’t want you to worry, but your father called tonight. He said your Momma is sick. I don’t know what’s wrong with her, or even if he’s telling the truth. You know how that man can be. I just wanted you to know. Call me back when you get this message.”

My heart had sunk to my feet. My Momma was sick. Or was she?

I ran my sweaty palms down my skirt, and dialed Darcy back.

“Grace.” She answered quickly.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry in the backseat of this car. “What’s going on?” I asked. The car was quiet and I knew they could hear me.

“I don’t know. He called and was acting like a fool on the phone. He demanded that I let you speak with him. I kept telling him that I didn’t know where you were, but he kept insisting. When I wouldn’t budge, he told me that your Momma’s sick. I don’t know if it’s the truth or if he’s lying. I wanted you to know.” She urged.

“What should I do? What if he’s telling the truth?” The tears started to fall. I didn’t want her to be sick. I loved my Mom, despite our differences. She would always be my Mother. What if she needed me?

“I don’t know baby girl. Maybe you should call home.” She suggested.

“Then he will know that you’re lying. He’ll know that you told me.” I tried to say in a hushed voice, but speaking through my tears was hard.

“Where are you?” She asked.

“I’m with Kennedy and her parents. I’m on my way to their house to stay.”

“Good okay. Just sleep on it tonight. What ever you decide to do is fine. I’m here for you.”

“Thanks Darcy. I love you.” I said. I’m not sure that I’d ever said those words directly to someone before. If I had, it’d been a long time ago.

“I love you too.” She answered immediately.

Kennedy pulled me close to her and hugged me. I just cried as silently as I could.

When I pulled away. I realized that we were already parked in her garage, and her parents were no longer in the car. I never even heard them get out.

“What’s going on? Do you want to talk about it?”

I shrugged, but I knew I was going to have to tell her sooner or later. “Can I take a hot shower, and then I’ll tell you everything.”

She rubbed the side of my arm. “Of course. Come on.”

After my hot shower, I put back on the clothes that I’d worn to the game. Kennedy would gladly let me borrow nightclothes, but the closest thing she had to a nightgown was far too short for my liking.

Walking out of the bathroom, I found Kennedy, Jackson, and Tucker all lounged on the bed. Every pair of eyes was glued to me. Let the insecurities begin.

“Don’t you have a home of your own?” I asked Tucker, and the room erupted in laughter. Thankfully.

“Don’t you?” He teased back.

“Touché.” I smiled and joined the rest of the committee on the bed. “Good game tonight.” I spoke softly to Jackson.

“I’m glad you came.” He took my hand. No one seemed to notice or to even care.

“I told the guys that you were ready to talk to me about some things and I thought they might want to hear to, but if you just want to talk to me then I understand.” She looked at me with fear in her eyes. Maybe she thought I’d be angry with her, but I wasn’t.

“Okay.” I said. “You three are the closest thing to family I’ve ever had.” Telling them shouldn’t be hard, but it would be. These kinds of things were meant to stay locked up inside. Going through it once was bad. Reliving it again would be much worse.

“You don’t have to tell us everything, but we’re here to listen.” Kennedy said. She was sincere.

Time to get the show on the road.

“I was on the phone earlier with Aunt Darcy. She said that my Dad called looking for me again. Darcy told him that she didn’t know where I was, and she still hadn’t seen me. It’s the same lie every time. Only this time, he told her that my Momma was sick.” I shifted in my seat.

“Should you call home?” Tucker asked.

“That’s the problem. I don’t know if he’s lying, and if he is then he’ll know that Aunt Darcy told me. He’ll know that I’ve been with her this whole time.” I explained.

“But you’re eighteen. There’s nothing he can do.” Kennedy said.

I’ve had to explain this so many times. Everyone thought that being eighteen-equaled freedom. In my world even twenty would be a prison. “I know it’s difficult for you all to understand, but he still has this unbelievable hold over me. It’s hard to explain, but it feels like there is the imaginary rope linking me to them back home. I can’t seem to cut it, and it haunts me all the time. Almost feels like I’m strangling to break free.” I looked down at my twisted fingers. I was trying to avoid eye contact at all cost. I didn’t need to see the hurt expressions on their faces. It would only make things harder for me to explain.

“Are you afraid of him?” Kennedy asked. It was the first time that I’d noticed how silent Jackson was being. He hadn’t said anything yet.

“I have been my whole life.” I admitted. “Growing up at my house was nothing like growing up in yours, like what you have here.”

“Why are you afraid of him?” She asked.

“Why don’t you ask me what you really want to know?” I looked at her seriously. I knew that she was skirting all the way around the subject of my back. She wanted to know what happened.

“Did he do it to you?” She asked with certainty.

“Do what?” Jackson finally added his two cents, letting me know that he hadn’t completely tuned me out.

“Yes.” I answered. “He hurt me, bad, and a lot.”

“The fuck.” Jackson said, followed by the rants of Tucker. “What did he do?” He asked me.

“He’s always been strict and mean. There was a strict set of rules that I had to follow my whole life. It wasn’t awful, but confining. I did what I had to do. I waited out the years I had to wait, and then the first chance I got, I ran away.”

Kennedy was shaking her head. “Your back… He did that didn’t he?”

“Yes.”

“My God.” She sucked in a hard breath and clasped her hand over her mouth. “I knew it.” She admitted.

“I don’t want to talk about that day though, okay? I don’t ever want to talk about that.”

“Just tell me what gave you the scars? Please,” she pleaded. I guess it was important to her to have all the pieces of my jagged puzzle.

“A rake.”

My blank stare ahead was all I had. There were no tears, and my heart was practically void of all emotion. I already suffered through it, long before this day. I’d already shed all the tears I could. I’d been angry, and afraid, and alone. I was done with all emotions attached to that day.

I found the look on Jackson’s face frightening.

“You should call him Gracie.” Tucker insisted.

“I’m scared.” I felt helpless. I was back to being that little girl running scared from her dad.

“We are all here for you. He can’t hurt you through the phone.”

Having them there with me would help, but I’d be risking everything. It would be the same as if I just went back home. He’d know where I was, and he’d come for me.

“I need to think about it.” I held tightly to Jackson’s hand. “I’ll decide what I’m going to do tomorrow. I want to talk to Aunt Darcy too. If I call him then he’ll be showing up at her house. I just gotta think.”

“Why are you so happy?” Jackson said as if that was a normal question. It confused me.

“What kind of question is that?”

“Look at you.” His free hand measured me up. “You seem completely oblivious. Since the day I’ve met you, you’ve been nothing but happy. How are you not broken?”

I let out a pent up breath. “You forget Jackson. I’ve had to deal with this my whole life. I’ve been angry. I’ve been upset. I’ve cried plenty of times. This is not me hiding behind my smile. It’s real. I have nothing to be upset about. I have a great life. No, I don’t have all the same luxuries that you guys have, but I’ve never had those anyway. I’m proud of myself for being so strong. I’m happy with who I am. Nothing about this life is bad. Absolutely nothing,” I reassured him with a smile. “If I dwell on the bad things then I’d be too unhappy to focus on the good things. I hate that I am going to have to face my past sooner or later, but when I do I’ll get the closure that I need. Until then I’m going to be me. This is me. I have an amazing best friend, a home that I love, and Aunt who loves me so much, a great job, and this family who’ve taken me in and greeted me with open arms, literally.” I laughed.

“And you’re an amazing person Gracie. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.” Tucker dashed me a gorgeous smile. He stood up from the bed walked around to the side I was sitting and kissed the top of my head. “I’m proud of you girl. You have more balls than any grown man.”

“Tucker,” I gave him a little shove. The word balls made me blush.

“I’m proud of you too, and I’m so glad you’re my best friend.” Kennedy said, as she pulled me in for a hug. “I’m going to the kitchen to get cake. Come on, you’ve earned yourself a big piece.”

“We’ll be right there.” Jackson said.

I cocked my head to the side, eyeing him curiously. I thought we were finished. I thought we’d said everything that needed to be side, or I rather.

Everyone shuffled out of the room, and there we were.

Alone.

He took my hand in his, and helped me stand up from the bed. When his hands reached out to touch the sides of my face, I closed my eyes. I felt his thumbs brush gently against my cheekbones, and down run down the length of my neck. I felt dizzy on my feet. I reached up and gripped his arms with my hands. Opening my eyes, I saw tears. His eyes were filled to the rim with unshed tears. They were so full, that I knew they’d spill over at any moment.

“Jackson.” His name barely left my mouth, before he touched his lips to mine.

I nearly fell to pieces under his touch. The tears from his eyes, slid down his cheeks. I knew, because I could feel them too. His kiss was light and better than any we’d shared before. It felt real.

Pulling back I looked deeply into his eyes. “Don’t cry for me.” I said.

“God I’m so sorry Grace. You’re the most amazing person that I’ve ever known, and you didn’t deserve the jacked up life that you were dealt. I’ve been so horrible.” He choked.

“I know I didn’t deserve the beatings. But I wouldn’t change the way my life turned out. I’m okay with who I am. Really. I’m okay.”

He rested his forehead against mine and released a loud breath. I knew that he wanted to say more, but it wasn’t going to happen tonight. I just wanted to leave things as they were, to go about the night as if I didn’t just spill my guts to them. I needed cake, lots and lots of cake.