Текст книги "I am free "

Автор книги: Regina Bartley

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 13 страниц)

28

Jackson

When you are given a great life, you don’t realize that other people might not have it so great. Maybe they’re living with demons from their past, or maybe they have nightmares because the abuse was so bad.

I’d taken for granted the good life that I’d been given. It was eye opening listening to Grace’s story. It brought me to tears to know that she was treated so horribly. She was smart, beautiful, sweet, and so innocent. It was wrong. Life shouldn’t be so hard for such an amazing person. It wasn’t fair.

When she went home this morning, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I thought about her every moment while I was in school, wondering if she was okay, or if she was going to call her Dad. I didn’t want her to go through that mess by herself. I kept thinking of how much better it would be if I were there with her, by her side.

I sent her a quick text before class asking her if she was okay, but I still hadn’t heard from her. The wait was agonizing, and I grew uneasy with every minute that passed.

If she hadn’t texted me back before I left school for the day, then I was going to her house.

“Hey man, you going to The Edge tonight?”

I heard Jeremy’s voice above everyone’s in the hall, his loud, and obnoxious voice. Stepping to the side, I waited for him to approach me. He would track me down no matter what, so I was just as well to get it over with.

“Don’t tell me you forgot?” He said as he dropped his bag to the ground.

I gave him a questionable look. It was true. I had forgotten whatever the hell he was talking about. Too many things were going on. I’d been busy.

“Cory’s birthday bash at The Edge. You can’t miss it.”

“Shit. That’s tonight?” I shook my head. “I don’t think I can come.” I said thinking about Grace. I really wanted to be with her. Who was this person she was turning me into? Never in a million years would I miss one of the guy’s birthdays for a girl. But this wasn’t just some ordinary girl. This was Grace. My Grace.

“There is nothing more important then this party tonight. Your damn homework can wait. Besides, we’re about to have finals and this whole crappy semester will be over. If you ain’t passing by now, then you ain’t going too.”

“Thanks man,” I said sarcastically. “Way to punch me in the gut.”

“What’s gotten into you?” He asked.

“Nothing.” I said a bit to hasty.

He shook his head. His long, shaggy hair hung down over his eyes. It was taking over his face. I’d be glad when he cut that shit off, but he wouldn’t. Not until we lost a game. He was a superstitious nut. “Whatever man. You don’t want to talk to your best friend? I get it. Years and years of friendship obviously mean nothing to you. I thought you loved me man.” He joked, faking tears.

“Shut up.” I shoved his arm. My phone vibrated from the pocket of my jeans, and I reached in and pulled it quickly. I’d been waiting all day for a message.

I’m fine. Quit worrying would ya? I’ve decided not to call my Dad, at least not for a little while. Oh, and Kennedy is taking me to The Edge tonight so that I can chill out. Her words not mine.

“So are you going or not?”

“Actually, I think I will.” I replied.

“Good, I’ll see ya tonight. Text me later if I need to pick you up.”

“Yeah okay, see ya.” I said, as I replied to Grace’s text. A damn tornado could have come rolling through at that moment and I wouldn’t have noticed. It’s funny how someone so little and plain in everyone else’s eyes, could be so strong and beautiful in mine. I wish it hadn’t of took so long for me to make her mine.

I told her that I’d see her at the bar tonight, and I couldn’t wait. Well kind of. My friends were going to have a field day with this, but I was ready. They could pounce all they wanted, and I wouldn’t budge. It was going to be my night to prove to her that I was for real. I didn’t want her seeing anyone else tonight, except me.

I am Free

I was on the edge of my stool sitting next to Jeremy when I spotted her across the bar. You couldn’t miss her. Her wavy, light blonde hair was the brightest in the room. Kennedy was talking to her and pointing in our direction, and that was when our eyes locked. It was only a brief second before she looked away. Were they not coming to sit with us? I saw her head move back and forth as if to say no. She was looking at Kennedy and not me. They walked a little farther until they were almost at the end of the bar. I could barely see them now through the sea of people. When they were completely out of sight, I’d had enough. I didn’t want to wait any longer. Pushing my way through the crowd, I finally spotted them sitting in the stools at the far corner of the bar. I moved in closer, but stopped to look at her before she knew I was there. I had no shame. I could stare at that beautiful girl every day for eternity.

“Jack,” Kennedy called out to me. “You leaving the ass-holes to sit with the normal people today?” She asked.

“Nope. You girls are leaving the normal people to come sit with us ass-holes.” I grabbed Grace’s hand and tried to pull her up from the stool, but she was holding back.

“I don’t think so Jackson.” She said. Did I mention how much I loved the way she called me Jackson. She never called me Jack like everyone else. Her eyebrows scrunched as she frowned.

“It’s fine. No one will say anything.” I tried to reassure her.

“That’s the problem.” She kept a tight grip on my hand pulled me closer.

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know what she meant.

“You won’t talk to me while we’re over there.” She said. She looked up at me through her heavy lashes. A sad look was on her face.

“Come on.” I nudged her off the stool. It was time to prove my point. She gave me a curious look, and then pleaded with Kennedy to come along.

I kept her hand tucked against shirt as we made our way over to where the guys were sitting.

“Guys!” I addressed the group. “Ya’ll remember Grace.” A few eyes went wide as they looked at her, but no one said anything. “She’s my girlfriend.” I announced making sure that my point was crystal clear. I wanted them to know that she was taken, she was mine, and that I didn’t give a damn what they thought.

Say what you want guys. You’re not breaking me.

Grace looked up at me, but it wasn’t quite the face I was expecting. Was she angry? I was trying to prove a point. I just wanted her to see that I wasn’t ashamed of her, that I wanted her there with me, around my friends.

Instead of worrying, I flashed her the biggest, funniest smile that I could. And it worked.

She laughed loudly in front of the guys, not caring who saw. It was the greatest laugh, and obviously contagious because some of the guys laughed too. Not all of them, but some.

When Kennedy and Grace went to the bathroom, I told the guys to be nice. One cross word and I’d lay anyone of their asses out. I didn’t care. They didn’t say much about it, but I knew I’d pissed a few of them off. If they were angry with me then we would settle it later. Not while Grace was there.

She was nearly running when she came back to the table from the bathroom. There was a concerned look on her face.

“I have to go. I’m sorry. Aunt Darcy left for the night, but she just called and said that she didn’t know if she locked the door to the house. She’s worried. I told her that I would call it a night, and I’d go home to make sure everything was okay.”

“Oh, okay. That’s fine. I can take you.” I offered.

She smiled. “That’s sweet, but it’s okay. Kennedy said she’d take me.”

Oh no. “Let me. Kennedy,” I pleaded with my eyes. “I can take her home. You stay for a while.” If she couldn’t read the eye signals that I was throwing her way then she was blind.

Kennedy paused and gave me a funny smile.

I was going to put her in a headlock when I got home.

“I don’t mind Kennedy, if you want to stay.” Grace said.

Oh the bad thoughts. They were running crazy in my mind. I had to remember to shut them up when I was with Grace. Don’t get me wrong. She was beautiful and my dirty thoughts made for some amazing dreams, but dreams of her body would be as far as I could go. Just dreams. I didn’t mind though. I’d wait forever for this girl.

Do you hear me God? I shouted the words in my head. I’m changed. I’d wait forever for her.

“Okay.” Kennedy replied. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” She hugged Grace just before we left.

And finally, I was going to get some alone time with my girl, my girlfriend.

29

Grace

Oh boy. What had I gotten myself into? This alone time with Jackson wasn’t getting any easier. In fact, it was getting harder and harder for me to control my emotions around him. I could understand the whole forbidden fruit thing now. It was all making sense.

When we’d shared that kiss at his house last night, I questioned all of my thoughts. It was important to me that I wait for sex until marriage. It had never even crossed my mind until Jackson came into my life, and now suddenly it was all I could think of. The curve of his shoulders where his muscles bulged out of his shirt taunted me all the time.

I told myself over and over that my body was a temple. It’s something my Mom told me when I was little. She told me never to forget, and I hadn’t. Maybe some things about my past were bad, but not everything. I didn’t forget where I came from or the good things I’d learned. I wouldn’t change either. Not for anyone.

When Jackson and I reached the house and I went to the front door I realized that it was locked. Her whole freak out session was all for nothing. She was probably rushing around like a mad woman, and just thought she’d forgot.

“I’m sorry you had to leave the bar. Darcy sounded really worried on the phone.”

He touched my lower back as he led me into the house. Oh, my back. He had to stop touching me. Every time he did, it felt like my body would explode. That couldn’t be normal. It couldn’t. I had to talk to Aunt Darcy about it soon.

“It’s okay. I didn’t mind. I’d rather be here with you anyway.”

And that right there had me questioning my sanity. He was always saying things like that. It was probably my lack of experience with guys, but certain things that he’d say made me want to kiss his lips. Like at that very moment.

We stood there in the doorway and it felt kind of awkward. I didn’t know what to do or say, and feared for the words that would come out of my mouth if I tried.

“Grace,” he whispered my name.

“Huh,” I replied.

“Can I stay here with you tonight.”

Whoa. Ugh. Fear. That was my only thought.

“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean.” He scratched his head and shuffled on his feet. “I didn’t mean it like that. Please. Shit!”

My pie hole was still wide open, as Kennedy would say. I didn’t know what to say. I could barely look at his adorable face.

“Let me start over.” He gripped his fingers around the tops of my arms. It took him a minute to breathe and think about what he wanted to say. I’d never seen him look so flustered. “I just didn’t want you to be alone. That’s all. With your aunt gone, I thought it might be a good idea if I stayed. Just in case your dad calls or something. I could sleep down here on the couch.”

All of his words were slow and steady like he was making sure that he didn’t miss a word to confuse me. It was funny actually, the way he talked to me as if I was five years old. If I’d had a newspaper or a magazine I probably would have whopped him over the head with it.

Right! Good time to use that swat to the head. I thought.

Without another thought, I swung my hand up and popped him. Not hard, but enough to shake him a bit. It must have been the balls that Tucker mentioned. I was getting gutsier by the days.

“Hey.” He stood there stunned. He couldn’t believe I’d just done that.

Truthfully, I couldn’t believe it either.

I held my lips together tightly to keep from cracking up, but it was too hard. Between his facial expression, and realizing what I’d just done, I couldn’t hold it in another minute. We were bent over and laughing our butts off.

“Come on, I need chocolate.” I laughed, and grabbed his hand pulling him towards the kitchen. It was bold of me, and I knew it. I never initiated his touch before, but he called me his girlfriend tonight. That’s what girlfriends did right? I didn’t think anymore about it.

“Sorry I was acting like an idiot.” He said as pulled me close in front of the fridge. “You make me do and say funny things. I’m not myself when I’m around you.”

“You’re wrong.” I pushed back the piece of hair that had fallen onto his forehead. “Emotions are real. This is real. I think that this boy or guy, sorry,” I smiled. “I think that this guy standing right here in front of me is the real you. It’s the person that you’re afraid to be. You would never show this kind of emotion in front of your friends, at least not the ones that you’re trying to impress. But your real with me.”

His head tilted to the side a little, and his eyes were brighter than before. They were so blue that the sky would be jealous. “You amaze me.” He said. “Where have you been my whole life?”

Oh, his words. They did me in. I was about to be the boldest me I’d ever been.

Could I?

Oh, I had to. My hands were shaking, and my heart was beating so fast that I thought it might leap right out of my chest.

I looked in his eyes. Then I looked at his lips. He was so beautiful that he took my breath away. Standing a little taller, and a little straighter, I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. I wasn’t gentle. I kissed him fiercely, making sure that he knew what his words meant to me. His warm lips against mine eased every possible worry that I could have had. He made me feel wanted.

When I pulled away, he didn’t pressure me for more. He didn’t take all that he could’ve possibly gotten from me, and it made me love him even more.

I loved him.

It wasn’t the way that I loved Kennedy or Aunt Darcy. It was so much more. This was deeper and beyond my wildest imagination, and I had a very vivid imagination.

In the short amount of time that I’d known Jackson, I’d fallen head over heels in love with him. I thought that it would scare me –this kind of love, but it didn’t. The love part didn’t scare me at all.

I remember very vividly a quote from William Shakespeare’s Hamlet that said, “Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.”

I knew without I doubt that I loved Jackson, without one single doubt. Yes, he was the first boy to cross my path, but sometimes God got things right on the first try. At least that was my theory.

30

Jackson

She didn’t make me sleep on the couch, but I wished she had. As I lay in the floor next to her bed, I could hear her heavily breathing. Her hand had let go of mine once she’d fallen asleep, but I still held on. I was wide-awake, still thinking about that kiss. I had to be living in some sort of dream world. This was not real. No way in hell this could be real.

My phone buzzed a few times throughout the night, but after reading the first text, I didn’t read anymore. The guys were giving me shit about Grace. At least that was what the first text was about. I knew they weren’t going to let me off easy about it. What they didn’t realize was that I didn’t care, not anymore. In a couple of years, we’d all be going separate ways and none of this petty bull crap would matter.

I was daydreaming when I thought I heard someone knock on the door. The second time it sounded like someone was beating down the door. Grace didn’t budge. I let go of her hand, and slipped on my tee shirt.

Who the hell would be knocking on the door at this time of night?

The clock by the bed said that it was just past two a.m.

I fumbled my way out of her room and down the stairs where the knocks kept growing louder and louder.

“What?” I yelled as I yanked the door open with too much force. An older man with white hair stood there with a menacing look on his face. His eyes were pure evil as he glared at me.

“I’m here to see my daughter.”

Oh, hell no. This was him? This was the man that had beaten my girl. My chest rose in anger as I thought of murdering him with my bare hands.

He walked inside the door through the opening I’d left. “I don’t know who you are, but you better get her now.” He said.

I was about to protest when he yelled out.

“Grace!”

Please don’t come down those steps. I thought to myself.

“You need to leave.” I said sternly, but he acted as if I just blended into the wall.

“Grace!” He yelled again.

She stood sleepily at the top of the stairs with a look of terror on her face. She was white as a ghost.

“Dad.” She called out.

“Get your stuff. Let’s go now.” The old man called out.

Screw that. “Don’t move a muscle Grace. You’re not going anywhere with him.” I yelled up the steps. He may have looked mean, but I wasn’t scared. If anything he should have been scared of me.

“I don’t know who you think you are,” he started jabbing his finger in my face.

“I’m her boyfriend, and I’ll kill you if you lay one finger on her.” I said with as much hatred as I could. I was as serious as a heart attack.

Looked like no one had ever said that to the man, because his face spoke a thousand words. He might have been a tad bit scared of me.

Good.

“Look at you girl.” He said to Grace. “Everything I’ve taught you pushed aside so that you could step out like some cheap whore. You’re a disgrace.”

I smashed my fist into his face as hard as I could. “Get out. Don’t ever come back here again!” I screamed.

When he stood up tall, I thought maybe he’d hit me back, but I was ready. Bring it on, old man.

Grace came trampling down the steps, and stood next to my side. Her hand gripped tightly against my arm. She was afraid, but she didn’t have to be. I’d protect her. I’d always protect her.

“Your mother has worried herself sick over you? She’s ill Grace. Don’t you care at all?”

“I care.” She whispered.  She cleared her throat. “I care.” She said over and over.

“Go! Now!” I screamed. I was over the whole conversation. It ended there, and I dared him with my eyes to say one more word.

He stormed out of the house blistering mad.

I pulled her to the front of me and wrapped my arms around her. She squeezed me back as tight as she could. Placing a soft kiss on the top of her head, I told her everything would be okay.

“Go upstairs and pack a bag. We’re going to my house.” I told her. “We can talk to my parents, and you won’t have to worry about him showing up there.”

“O… Okay.”

She waited for me to guide her up the stairs. Her hand was still trembling in mine. I wasn’t scared, but I was worried about her. I knew that my Mom and Dad would know how to handle this.

My adrenaline was still pumping. I never punched anyone in the face before, especially not someone who was that much older than me. My knuckles were red and would probably be sore the next day, but at that moment I wasn’t even thinking about the pain. I wanted to get her out of that house to somewhere where she’d feel safe again.

Once inside the car, I took a minute to finally breathe.

I glanced over at Grace and she was staring blankly out the window. She hadn’t said a word about any of it. That scared me most. She should be screaming or crying or something. Not sitting there inattentive and lost. Her knee bounced hard under her dress, and her hands laced together on her lap.

“I’m sorry Grace.” That was the only thing I could think to say, and I was sorry. I was sorry for what he said, for how badly she was scared, and for opening that damn door in the first place.

She weakly smiled in my direction. “I’m sorry too.”

“For what?” I asked. She had nothing to be sorry for.

“For everything. I’m sorry that my Dad screamed at you. I’m sorry that you had to see him at all. I’m sorry that I fell apart, just like I always do.” She was nearly screaming. “I’m sorry that I let everyone down. I’m sorry that you’re in the middle of this whole mess. God, I’m just sorry.” She cried.

Finally.

I didn’t want to see her break down like that, but it’s better to see some emotion then nothing at all.

“Come here.” I pulled her across the console so that I could hold her tighter. “You don’t have to apologize to me for any of that. You didn’t let anyone down. So don’t say that. Maybe you didn’t do things exactly like they wanted you too, but damn it Grace. It’s your life, and you should be able to live it exactly how you want to. You’re an amazing girl, so don’t you dare listen to a single word that he tells you. You hear me?” I said.

She nodded her head against my chest, but she didn’t say anything else.

“I love you,” I said to her as she held me close. I didn’t know if she felt the same way, but for the first time in my life I was in love. I was head over heels for this girl, and knew that I would do anything for her.

She looked up at me with tears running down her face.

“You mean that?” She asked.

“Yes. I do. I love you.” I said it again.

“I love you too Jackson.”

I knew right then that my world would never be the same. I knew that I loved her so hard that she could break me in a second, and I didn’t care.

I kissed her forehead, and both cheeks before finding her lips. “Let’s go home.” I said.