Текст книги "I am free "

I sighed as I closed the book.

“Oh world.” I said. “Just try taking this smile off my face. I dare you.”

I sprang down the stairs and ran straight into Darcy’s room. She patted the bed and I jumped onto it excitedly. I spent the next hour replaying the entire night. She listened to my every word and only commented a few times with the occasional “Oh, or he had the cutest smile, or I’m so happy for you.”

I realized that these were probably the talks that thirteen-year-old girls had with their best friends. It couldn’t possibly be the conversation between an eighteen-year-old and her aunt.

Still. I didn’t care. My life was only just beginning. Other girls were probably miles ahead of me in their lives, but I wasn’t other girl’s. And I didn’t care what anyone thought of me. This was freedom at its best.

I am Free!”

It was Saturday. I didn’t have to work and Aunt Darcy was spending the day with Paul and told me to do whatever I wanted. I was content with spending hours in front of the television.

Literally, it was hours.

I watched three movies and some crazy show where they took some old run down house and remodeled it to sale. It was amazing. Seriously. It only took them like a week to rebuild an entire house.

About halfway through my bag of potato chips and the second episode of the house makeover show, I heard someone knock on the door. My heart dropped to my butt. Instantly I thought maybe it would be my father, and I started to have a mini panic attack. I tiptoed around the couch as if the person standing outside the door might hear me. Not likely, but I couldn’t help freaking out.

“Get a grip Grace.” I said to myself. It couldn’t be my father. He had no idea where I was. Surely he wouldn’t come looking for me. Just as I stepped closer to the door, whoever was behind it knocked again. Then a voice yelled out.

“Grace, come on open up. It’s me Kennedy.” She called out.

I let out the biggest sigh ever as I swung open the door.

 “Hey,” I smiled. “What are you doing here?” I asked. I looked at her questionably. “And how’d you know where I lived?”

She pointed her thumb over her shoulder, and when I peeked around I saw Jackson sitting in the driver’s seat of his car. He shot me a wave.

I smiled and waved back.

When I looked back at Kennedy, I still had a blank look on my face. Her sheepish grin made me think she was up to something. She was the mischievous sort.

“Well?” I asked.

“I’m sorry to surprise you, but I didn’t have your number. I was hoping that we could hang out for a little while. My car will be ready to pick up in a few hours and Jackson is supposed to take me to get it. I was really bored sitting at home.”

“Don’t you have other friends?” The words slipped from my mouth before I had a chance to realize what I was saying. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Her eyes grew wide, and her mouth dropped open.

“That. Is. Not. What. I. Meant.” I paused between each word. “I mean. Ugh,” I sighed. I just couldn’t understand why she’d want to hang out with me. I knew she had other friends. She’d be just as bored with me as she would be if she were home.

She laughed and patted my shoulder. “I knew what you meant. Do you want to hang out?”

“Sure,” I replied with a smile, and opened the door wider. I didn’t ask what hanging out would require, and hoped that she secretly loved home makeover shows.

She waved at Jackson and I watched as he pulled away from the curb.

Closing the door behind us, I walked us into the living room.

“My aunt isn’t home. It’s just me and the T.V.” I said.

She made herself comfortable on the couch, pulling her legs up close to her. I sat down next to her and couldn’t help admiring the bright red polish on her toes. I loved it.

“Have you ever?” She looked at me and then stretched her legs out to my lap letting out a groan. “Have you ever painted your toes?” She asked obviously catching me staring at them.

“No.” I shook my head.

“Want to?” She asked excitedly, a little too excitedly actually. She was extra bubbly at times. I was a fairly happy person myself, but her enthusiasm made things brighter, more cheerful.

“I don’t have any.”

“That’s okay I brought mine.” She reached down beside the couch and pulled her purse onto her lap, dumping the contents out everywhere.

“Wow.” I laughed. “Is there anything you don’t have in there?”

“You can never be too prepared.” She batted her dark coated lashes at me.

She dug around until she found what she was looking for.

“Here it is.” She held up the bottle of red polish. She moved to sit in front of me on the table and patted her legs for me to give her my feet.

The only color polish I had ever used was clear. My mother never bought colored polish, and I never asked.

With a little too much enthusiasm, I swung my legs up to her lap.

A giggle escaped her lips, and I couldn’t contain mine.

“Why do I get the feeling that you’ve never experienced An Affair in Red Square?” Her voice was thick with a British accent.

“What?” I looked at her funny.

“It’s the name of the polish Grace.” She dropped her head back down an opened the bottle, still laughing. “Seriously though, this will feel like an act of rebellion, right?”

“A little.” I replied sheepishly. It’d be fun though.

“Can I ask you something?”

I could only imagine what would come out of her mouth next. Was I prepared for it? Did I want to talk about my home life and my past? I nodded my head. I wouldn’t give her all of the crappy details, but I’ve only ever been honest. So I’d tell her whatever she wanted to know.

“What was your home life like in Oklahoma? On our first day at work you told me that you just wanted to experience a little bit of freedom. Was life at home bad?” She asked as she brushed the red polish along my big toe.

She must have sensed my nervousness. My whole body was tense. I was replaying my responses over and over in my head. I didn’t want to tell her everything, just enough to suffice her.

She stopped what she was doing and looked up at me. “I’m sorry Grace. If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” I leaned back a little on the couch. “My life wasn’t bad all the time. It was different; unlike yours I’m sure. I didn’t realize how different until I came here. I guess you could say it was very controlled. My dad was strict.”

“How strict?” She asked.

“Well,” I said afraid to say the rest. If she thought I was innocent, she really had no idea how much. I took a deep breath before replying. “No pants, no bathing suits, no makeup, no cell phone, no internet except for the main computer that my mom schooled me on, but I wasn’t allowed to use it, no public school, no boyfriends until after I turned eighteen, no friends outside of our close nit circle which included one girl, and the list goes on and on. We lived on a farm so my days consisted of chores at six a.m. and bed by 8 p.m.”

“Wait a minute.” She drawled out her words. “Back up. No boyfriends.” She exclaimed.

“Nope.” I popped the P.

“So you have never had a boyfriend?” Her eyes grew wide as she waited for my answer.

I laughed. “No, no boyfriend. And before you ask, that also means all of the things that go along with it. I haven’t dated, held hands, kissed…” I trailed off because I couldn’t possibly mention the fact that I had just experienced my first kiss with her brother. I smiled at the thought of it.

“That is sad Grace. You are seriously deprived.” Her face fell.

“No I’m not.” A small smile crept up on my lips. “So I’m getting a little bit of a late start.” I shrugged. “I don’t mind. There were very few boys within a twenty-mile radius of my house. I never even cared to date. Besides, I learned a long time ago, that if you never had things then you never missed them. You know?” I explained.

She continued polishing my toes and I didn’t say anything for a while. It was the first time that I ever wondered what someone was thinking about me.

“Done.” She smiled closing up the bottle of nail polish.

I eyed my toes and wiggled them around. “I love it.” I beamed. It was another piece of freedom that I could cross off my list. “Thank you.”

Kennedy eyes lit up. “You’re welcome. And thanks for sharing all that personal stuff with me. I’m glad you trust me with it.”

“We’re friends.” I urged.

“Yes we are.” She agreed. “I would never make fun of who you are Grace. I want you to know that. It’s okay that you aren’t as experienced as most girls, because then you wouldn’t be Grace.”

At that moment, I realized that she was the closest friend I’d ever had. I could trust her with anything. I wanted her to hang around, because at this rate we’d be best friends soon. I wanted a best friend, more than anything.

I looked over my toes again. I was in love with the deep red polish that covered them, and she was right when she said it would be rebellious. It felt down right illegal.

“You want something to eat?” I asked.

“Sure, so long as it is full of sugar.”

We walked into the kitchen and raided the cabinets for the sweets. Then we went back into the living room and binged out. I loved every minute of it.

The hours passed by so quickly and she said that Jackson was on his way to pick her up. Just the sound of his name peeked my interest.

“Oh my God,” she sat up quickly. “I have the best idea ever.”

I bit down on my lip and peered up at her. I had a feeling this was going to be bad. Of course it was going to be bad. This was Kennedy after all.

“Come with me and my friends tonight.” It was more of a statement than a question.

I was already shaking my head as if it were a bad idea. “I don’t think so.” I started to oppose.

“Grace,” she wined. “You’ll have so much fun and you’ll be with me all night.”

“Where are you going?” I sighed. Her winey voice super annoying, and I would almost do anything to get her to zip it up.

“We are going to a local club that we always hang out at called The Edge.” She said and before I could say HECK NO, she interjected. “Hear me out.” Her hands rested on my shoulders.

I fought to keep from rolling my eyes at her. Which was normally something she would do. She was rubbing off on me.

“Everybody from school goes to this club. You only have to be eighteen. Nothing bad ever happens. Plus you will get to hang out with me. It’ll be fun. I swear. Please.” She pouted her lip.

The thought of a club scared me a little. I mean I didn’t really know what to expect. Whether it would be dangerous or not? Staring at her big lip that stuck out far from her face was killing me. How her parents ever told her no was beyond me.

You’re not at home Grace. This is your time to experience life. Quit being such a scaredy pants. The internal battle in my head was going strong.

“Fine. I’ll go. But if it’s too crazy for me, then I’m going home.”

“Eeeep.” She squealed wrapping her arms around me in a hug. One of those things that still felt weird and uncomfortable to me. There was a knock on the door and I knew this time that it would be Jackson. “I’ll be here at 8:30 to pick you up.”

“Oh Kennedy,” I called after her.

“Yeah.”

“I’m dressing like I always do.” I said honestly.

“I know.” The smile stretched widely across her face. “See you later.”

“See ya.” I waved.

I threw myself roughly down on the couch and crossed my arm over my face.

“What am I getting myself into?”

12

Jackson

The club wasn’t too crowded yet, as we walked in and found our table. Holly was attached at my hip and had been since I picked her up. I didn’t mind too much, because I loved the way her body felt pressed up against mine.

I’d been a little distracted all day after seeing Grace wave to me from her porch. How could such an innocent girl have such an effect on me? It was the question that I’d asked myself time and time again. Yet, I had no answer for it.

The music started from the back of the bar and I pulled Holly in front of me to stand between my legs. Jeremy had already left us as he walked over to the bar to get our drinks. I wanted something warm that would burn as I drank it down.

Jeremy brought back my drink, and we sat there cutting up as the music played. More and more people started piling in through the door. It didn’t take long before the place was packed. The weekend crowd was always the biggest. It was really the only place that anyone hung out, at least any of my friends. Nearly all of the guys from the team that I hung out with were hanging out by our table. Girls were everywhere seeking their attention. A part of me wished that I were single again, so that I didn’t have to worry about appeasing one girl. I could do what I wanted. I’d at least put more effort into going after the girl that I couldn’t stop thinking about. Or would I? Another part of me was glad that Holly was constant in my life. I didn’t have to worry about my game, or which hoe I’d take home at the end of that night. It was always her.

A shift in gazes from around the table, made me snap my head around to see what everyone was staring at.

Fuck me.

She was here. Grace was here. Kennedy and her were walking through the crowd of people and over to our table.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

Jokes were being tossed around about her, and I flinched with their hurtful words. But I didn’t say anything. I listened as they continued.

“What is she wearing?” I heard.

“She must be looking for her sheep.” Someone else said.

“She can’t be serious.” I heard Holly say, joining in.

Still, I said nothing.

Kennedy and Grace walked up to the table. I glanced nervously down at Holly’s back, and then back around the table. I could tell now that the guys were finally seeing Grace’s face. They were seeing how beautiful she really was, but that wouldn’t stop the jokes.

“Hey guys.” Kennedy said.

People were still snickering and staring with their eyes wide.

“Hey Kennedy,” Holly said with a thick mean girl accent. “You helping Little Bo Peep find her sheep?” She laughed, and so did the rest of the table.

I should have pushed her off my lap. I should have told her to shut the hell up. I probably should have even defended Grace, but I didn’t. I just sat there. I made a quick glance in Grace’s direction and could see her eyes focused on my arm, the same arm that was around Holly’s waist. I jerked my head around quickly.

“Hey Jackson.” Grace said to me in a quiet voice. It was just loud enough that only Holly and me could hear it. I couldn’t look up. I didn’t have the fucking balls to look up. Everyone was laughing at her. I gave her a quick head nod but didn’t bring my eyes anywhere near her face.

I felt Holly lean into me closer when Grace said my name. She was obviously staking claim to me as if she had to worry about Grace. I knew that there was an attraction between Grace and me, but I wasn’t about to commit social suicide, at least not in front of anyone.

“Don’t be jealous Holly. It doesn’t suit you.” Kennedy replied.

“Why the hell would I be jealous? I mean look at her.” Holly spouted as she pointed in Grace’s direction. Her voice rang loudly over the room, and caused unnecessary attention.

“Maybe because she doesn’t have to get her blonde hair from a bottle, or maybe it’s because she’s not even wearing makeup and she’s prettier than you’ll ever be.”

I felt Holly’s body tense against mine. She squeezed my thigh hard like she wanted me to step in and say something.

Oh hell no.

She got herself into that mess, and I wasn’t about to start a fight with my sister.

“Grace,” Kennedy said loudly. “These are the ass holes,” she waved her arms around the table. “And Ass holes,” she was talking to us as a crowd. “This is Grace. Come on Grace. Let’s go. I will introduce you to some people with class.” Kennedy grabbed Grace’s arm and pulled her away.

There was still a smile on her face. Even after the way Holly had spoken to her, and the way everyone else laughed at her. She was still smiling. I felt bad. I felt like the ass hole that Kennedy said I was.

But I didn’t feel bad enough to chase after her and apologize.

Holly turned around to me and gave me the meanest look. I just shrugged my shoulders, and didn’t say another word. I tipped up my glass, and finished off the entire thing.

I left Holly at the table sulking while I walked off to the bathroom. I’d already finished two glasses of whiskey and some nasty shot of something. I was unsteady on my feet. When I made it to the edge of the dance floor I found myself drawn to the blonde by the bar. Looking harder I realized it was Grace. She and Kennedy were standing there at the corner talking to a couple of guys. It was harmless, but I could feel a twinge of jealousy inside me. I didn’t want anyone else talking to Grace. Not only that, they were laughing. Not at her like I had done. They were laughing with her as if she’d told a funny joke. Was she funny?

I let out a loud groan and ran my fingers through my hair as I stomped off to the bathroom. There were too many emotions running through me, and I didn’t know what to make of them all. I had no right to be jealous. I couldn’t even explain to myself why I’d even felt that way to begin with.

I splashed some cool water on my face from the sink in the bathroom. All I wanted to do was go home. Or go home with Holly. Actually, that plan sounded a lot better.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I started walking back to the table. Well, that was what my intentions were, but I found myself walking straight towards Kennedy and Grace. The two guys eyed me curiously when I stepped up in between the two girls. My face was hard and my eyes glared at them. I was so angry with them that I couldn’t see straight. I wanted to stack claim here and tell them to walk out those doors and never look back, but I didn’t.

“Problem?” One of the guys said to me. I bit down hard on my lip to keep myself together. I didn’t like these assholes. Not one, single, bit.

“There’d better not be, seeing as you’re talking to my girls.” I spat out.

Kennedy sighed. “Seriously Jackson. Go away.” She whispered in my ear.

“You know this guy?” The prick asked Kennedy.

“You could say that.” She paused. “He’s my brother.”

I could see the look on the guys face turn from frigid dickhead to sincere schoolboy.

Yep. That’s right buddy. I’m the big bad brother. What are you going to do now?

“He was just leaving.” Kennedy groaned. She turned to face me and put her finger on my chest. “Go home Jackson. You’re drunk. I’m old enough to take care of myself. Don’t think I don’t know exactly why you’re acting like an idiot. I’m not stupid, and I’m not going to say it out loud.” Her eyes narrowed and I could see an understanding in them. She understood me better than I did at that moment. “Now walk your drunk ass back to your table with you girlfriend, and leave us alone. Better yet Jack, go home.” She gave me a hard shove backwards and I stumbled barely able to stand.

I looked over at Grace and saw pain on her face. Was it my fault? She looked kind of sad and she was fidgeting. I probably looked so stupid in front of her.

“Fine,” I yelled out and walked away. I walked away and left them there with those guys even though every part of me didn’t want to.

Grabbing Holly by the wrist, I pulled her close to me.

“Take me to your place.” I said in a low whisper.

“Lead the way.”