Текст книги "From Ashes"

Автор книги: Molly McAdams

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Текущая страница: 4 (всего у книги 23 страниц)

Chapter Four

C ASSIDY

FLOPPING ONTO THE couch, I sighed heavily and was grateful the guys would be gone most of the day so I could rest. Trying to avoid Gage’s knowing I was sleeping on the couch, and getting away from Tyler’s hard-on—which just had to continue to remind me that it was there—made for a night of practically no sleep. We’d gotten into a very comfortable routine over the last couple months, and most days it worked perfectly. Just not that day.

WAKING UP EARLY, I slipped out the door and went for a walk. After Tyler had helped me calm down yesterday from the shock of my mom taking all the money my dad had left me, I’d put on a brave face like I always do and went to enjoy my birthday dinner. I had felt so weak breaking down in front of Gage like that; it wasn’t like me at all. No one other than Tyler was around for my hard times, and though Gage now knew that I’d had a different home life, he would never understand everything I went through. Not like Tyler did. But like I said before, I learned a long time ago that crying only got you hit harder and longer; I couldn’t remember actually letting tears out since before I was a teenager. Then yesterday in Gage’s truck, I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

I don’t know if it was because I felt like he was getting a glimpse of how heartless my mom could be, or if her cruel texts had finally pushed me over the edge. Whatever the reason, I’d cried, and he held me in his arms, comforting me. If Ty hadn’t called me back, I would have stayed in Gage’s arms all day. I hadn’t felt so whole since Dad died, and I never wanted the feeling to end. But it did, and last night Gage went back to not speaking to me again.

I asked probably too frequently, and Ty was now saying that Gage was beginning to tolerate me, but sometimes it still felt like more than that. Or maybe it was just my wanting him so much that made me stupidly think he might want me to. Maybe I imagined how he always seemed to shift closer to me, or how in the mornings before Ty woke up, he was happier than ever. Maybe he only curled up onto the sofa to talk to me for hours because he felt obligated since I lived with and cooked for him. At first I thought his distance was because he had a girlfriend, but that option flew out the window a couple weeks after we moved in. I knew now that he wasn’t actually dating Brynn; I’d overheard him telling Ty about their disastrous dates at the end of last year. And I’m not going to lie, I grinned like an idiot for the next few hours knowing he was available. But then he wasn’t there for our morning hug and coffee and didn’t speak to me for three whole days after I overheard that conversation.

This whole flirting, then avoiding me thing was wearing on me, and you can’t imagine how often I wished I didn’t feel the electricity between us; it would have made my life so much easier. I knew when he was in the same room with me now; the hairs on the back of my neck would stand up before I could even hear him, and it drove me nuts. It also didn’t help that he was by far the sexiest guy I’d ever seen, or that when we would talk . . . he was incredibly sweet. That whole Southern-charm nonsense? Dear. Lord. So hot. It wasn’t like he tried to be a gentleman; it just came naturally for him. It made me laugh when he let a cuss word slip and he’d realize I was around; his eyes would go big and I swear sometimes he flinched. The fact that he was always worried his “mama” was gonna come smack him for it cracked me up, and this may sound weird, but when he’d called me “darlin’,” my heart would melt. Any other guy and I’d probably have laughed at him, but it just rolled off Gage’s tongue like a caress, and I loved it.

I loved everything about him.

I loved him.

I just didn’t know what I was going to do about him. At least when Tyler and I would have our talks, his reminders of how much of a nuisance I was for Gage usually kept my head on straight when I was around Gage for the next day or so. But after that I’d start letting myself get too comfortable around him, and then things like yesterday happened.

Looking up, I saw Starbucks was only a block away and decided to sit in there for a while, trying to figure out what I was going to do now that my backup had fallen through. Opening up my wallet, I saw I had a whole ten dollars to my name. Awesome. I knew Tyler would give me anything I wanted or needed, but I’d already been living off his parents and Gage for the past month, and I didn’t want to continue. Glancing at my wallet again, I decided. Ten dollars or not, I needed an indulgence.

I walked up to the counter and waited while the barista switched out the coffee. Just as she was turning around to me, a person I guessed was the manager walked up in a huff.

“I don’t believe this. Victoria and Cody just quit! I’ve been calling them like crazy all morning, and they finally answered and said they wouldn’t be back.” She slapped the cordless phone onto the counter, picking it back up quickly to make sure she hadn’t broken anything.

“Are you serious?” the barista asked, her face blanching.

“That’s half my morning crew. No one else can work mornings here! Everyone has too many early classes.”

“Excuse me?”

They both jumped like they’d forgotten I was standing there. The manager’s face instantly went into a bright smile. “Welcome! What can we get for you?”

“Well, how about an application?”

“I’m sorry, honey, but I just can’t afford to hire any more students. I need full-time employees.”

“I guess it’s a good thing I have absolutely nothing to do all day, every day,” I said with a smile so she didn’t think I was being rude.

“I need someone to open Monday through Saturday,” she said, challenging me, “six hours on the weekdays, four hours on Saturday.”

“Perfect! I’m a morning person,” I lied.

The manager gave me a once-over, her eyebrow quirked. “Have you ever worked for Starbucks or another coffee shop before?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Have you ever had a job before?”

“No, but I’m dedicated and pour myself into everything I do.” Pun so not intended.

“If I considered this, when would you be able to start training?”

“Right now.”

Her smile widened again and she nodded her head toward the back door she’d just come through. “Let’s go talk.”

WE ENDED UP talking and had a formal interview in the back room for almost an hour, and after telling me the uniform I would need to go buy, she told me to come back in five hours for my first day of training. After the week of training and two classes, I started opening six days a week, just like she said.

The boys were thrilled that I was doing something, but Tyler started grumbling soon after I started about never waking up next to me anymore. I’d rolled my eyes at him. I hadn’t been aware that waking up next to each other had become a favorite part of his day. Especially since he fell right back asleep, and I would go to the kitchen to hang out with Gage. But Tyler was my best friend; if he wanted to grumble about something like that, then I would let him. As for Gage, we didn’t get to drink coffee together but I still got my morning hug from him. Only now it was as I was jumping out of his truck when he dropped me off in the mornings.

I had protested at first, but he usually woke up anywhere from quarter ’til to five, so waking up the extra thirty minutes early wasn’t a big deal, according to him. Honestly, I think he and Ty were just terrified thinking of my walking the mile and a half to work in the dark, because they let me walk home every day. Not like they had a choice; they’d both be in class unless it was Saturday.

So that’s how we were now: Gage would drop me off in the morning, I would come home and fall asleep for a few hours while they were in classes, and then I’d make dinner for when they got home. At first, it was just the three of us, but then all their other friends started finding out that I actually cooked, and now three days a week, I cook for six ridiculously obnoxious college guys while they all take turns playing Xbox. Thank God tonight wasn’t one of those nights, because I hadn’t slept at all the night before, which meant I slept straight through their classes and then some.

“Wake up, darlin’.” My eyes flew open when Gage’s deep voice drawled in my ear.

“You’re home?” I croaked, my voice raspy from how long I’d slept.

“We’ve been home for a while, but Tyler had to go to some study group. Said he would be gone ’til eleven.”

I glanced at the clock and gasped when I saw I’d slept for six hours. “Crap, I’m so sorry. Let me make dinner.”

“No way, you do too much for us. Besides, I was kinda hoping you’d let me take you out tonight.”

“Out?”

“Yeah, I wanna go driving.”

My face fell. “Oh. Okay.”

He chuckled and pulled me off the couch. “Go change, we’ll grab some food on the way.”

“Where are we driving to?”

“Not sure, we’ll see when we get there.”

I gave him a confused look but rushed into the bathroom to rinse off my body since I still smelled like coffee. Even though it was the middle of November, it was still pretty warm, but I’d already learned far too well that could change quickly. So I pulled on some jeans, rolling up the bottoms, and a light long-sleeved deep-V-neck shirt before grabbing my jacket and running back to the living room.

“Ready!” Gage’s smile stopped me in my tracks. Dear Lord, he was so handsome. And there were those dang dimples again. Those things alone could reduce me to a puddle on the floor.

“If you want, we can go eat somewhere, or we can just grab some burgers.”

“And you aren’t going to tell me where we’re going?”

He put a hand on the small of my back as he led me out of the apartment. “I don’t even know where we’re going, Cass. Really. I just wanted to go for a drive with you.”

“Fine, don’t tell me. Burgers are fine.”

Gage chuckled and shook his head as he shut my door.

Okay, so he was being serious. He really did just want to go for a drive. We’d drive, and if we came to a T in the road, he told me to choose which way to go, and every now and then we’d take a random road just because it was the first one we’d come across in a while. After a little over an hour and a half, it was already dark outside and he pulled over into a small field.

“Uh, is this the part where you kill me and leave me in the woods?”

“Now, why would I do that? Who would keep me fed?”

I smacked his arm and he pretended it actually hurt. “Rude.”

“You in a hurry to get home?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Lie. I didn’t want this night to end. We’d kept the windows down and sang to the radio. I’d propped my feet up on the dash, and Gage had his arm resting behind me on top of the seat. In between songs we’d tease each other, and I don’t think either of us had stopped smiling since we’d gotten in the truck. Tonight was simple and perfect. “Up to you.”

“Well then.” He put his truck into park, turned it off, and got out.

“Where are you going?” I asked as he rounded the front, coming to me. He opened up my door and stepped back, waiting for me to join him. When I did, he reached in the back and pulled out a blanket.

“Why don’t you join me?” He climbed into the bed of his truck, reaching down to give me a hand as well. After we were sitting down, our backs up against the cab, he wrapped the blanket around us and I snuggled closer to his side.

I was wrong. Now it was a perfect night. “I like this. It’s so quiet and peaceful.”

He grunted an agreement and held me tighter. “Makes me miss the ranch.”

“When are you going back?”

“Christmas probably. You gonna come with me?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t even thought about the holidays. I’ll probably have to work. I do want to go though; you did promise to teach me how to ride.”

“I’ll teach you a lot of things there. How to ride, how we take care of the place, how to shoot.”

“Shoot?” I leaned away and looked at his face, my eyes wide. “Guns? Like, real guns?”

“Uh, yeah. Do you not want to?”

I was shaking just thinking about it. “Are you insane?”

“You shouldn’t be scared of them. Guns should be respected, not feared.”

“Gage! They kill people!”

His expression deadpan, he said, “Cars kill people too, Cass.” He sighed and pulled me to his side again. “They do, but it’s the people who do the killing. Anything you come in contact with on a regular basis can kill someone.” His voice got soft and he started making lazy circles on my arm.

“But that’s just it—things I come in contact with on a regular basis, which makes them normal. I’ve only seen a gun on TV, so they’re definitely not normal to me.”

“Cassidy, I have two in my room.”

“What?! Why? Why would you need them in your room?”

Gage laughed lightly. “To protect you, darlin’. You should see in our house on the ranch. We have so many we don’t know what to do with them all.”

“Gage, that’s weird. Why do you have them?”

“It’s not weird. This is Texas, I assure you it’s common. Out on the ranch, they come in handy with things that wander onto the property that shouldn’t be there. But here, they’re just to protect us if someone breaks in.” He chuckled and rubbed my arm. “Why are you shaking?”

“I rank guns right up there with spiders.”

Gage laughed louder. “Well, I’ll help you with the guns. But I can’t help you with your fear of the last one, except to come runnin’ when you scream because there’s a spider on the wall.” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“That evil bastard jumped at me!”

“Cass, it was microscopic.”

“Doesn’t matter. They’re nasty and have too many legs.”

“Perfect . . . guns don’t have legs.”

“It’s not like that automatically drops the scary factor and makes them okay all of a sudden! God, I can’t believe you have them in your room.” I whispered the last part to myself.

“You’ve been there for over three months now, and you had no idea. It’ll be fine.”

“But now I know they’re there,” I reasoned. “Way different.”

“I promise they won’t hurt you.”

“Can we talk about something else? I’m still freaking out and they’re not even near us.”

He stiffened.

“Gage?”

“So how’s work going?”

“Gage!”

Tilting my head back so he could look in my eyes, he spoke softly and watched closely for my reaction. “My shotgun is in the backseat.”

My breath caught. How many times had I been in his truck, and I’d never noticed this? “Nope.” I shook my head and forced myself to relax into him. “No, I’m pretty sure that’s incorrect. There isn’t a shotgun in your truck.”

He laughed. “Yes, ma’am. Whatever you say.”

“So work is going great.”

He laughed even louder. “I’m glad. Though now we have so much coffee in the apartment, I don’t think we’ll ever go through it all.”

“Probably not. I’ll send some with you to the ranch.”

“They’d like that.” He was quiet for a moment. “They’d like you too. I hope you come with me sometime.”

“I will,” I promised.

We slid down so we were now lying in the truck, looking up at the stars. He kept an arm around me, and I stayed curled into his side, my head resting on his shoulder. Our morning hugs were the most we ever touched now, so I closed my eyes and enjoyed every bit of this, knowing it wouldn’t last forever. I listened to his heartbeat, breathed in his clean, masculine scent, and memorized the way my body felt pressed up against his. His heartbeat picked up when I lightly ran my fingers across his chest and I smiled to myself.

His chest rumbled as he said, “What do you want to do for the rest of your life, Cassidy?”

Stay here with you. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I know you don’t want to go to school. Just wondered what you wanted to do. If you had a certain career in mind.” Gage’s deep voice got even huskier as he continued. “If you actually wanted to do something with your photography, or get married and have kids, if there’s somewhere you want to move to . . .” He trailed off.

No kids. I refuse to have children. “I don’t really know. I’ve never thought about it.”

“Seriously? You’ve never thought about your future and where you’d like to be? What you’d like to be?”

“Not once.” The most I’d ever thought about the future was in terms of weeks.

“I thought girls start planning their weddings when they’re little, and have crazy dreams like being an actress or a singer.”

I shrugged. When I was little, I wanted to grow up to be a princess. But my dad treated me like one, so I’d already thought I was one. The day he died, all dreams of the future stopped, and I hadn’t had one since. “What about you?”

“I want to finish college and move back to the ranch so I can take over it for my dad. Other than a family, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“That sounds perfect for you.” I was already jealous of his future wife.

“You’ve really never thought about it? Never aspired to be a doctor, or a scientist, or a coffee shop girl?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see. “Nope.”

“Everyone thinks about their future, but if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine, I get it,” he joked, and squeezed me tighter. When I didn’t say anything for a few minutes, he whispered, “Are you with me, or did you fall asleep?”

“Gage, can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?” I asked softly.

“Of course you can.”

“I wasn’t lying to you, I really haven’t ever thought about what I wanted to do with my life. I, uh . . .” Clearing my throat, I tried again. “I never thought I’d live long enough to be able to move out of that house, so it seemed pointless to think about the future.”

“Cass,” he breathed, “I’m so—”

“No, I didn’t tell you that so you’d feel sorry for me. I just didn’t want you to think I was keeping something from you. I want you to know who I really am, Gage.”

He didn’t talk for a moment. “Thank you for trusting me with that.” He rolled me onto my back, his left arm still under me, and propped himself on his elbow. Brushing back loose strands of hair, he ran his fingers down my jaw; my eyes shut and I tilted my head back when he continued the line down my neck. “You’re away from them; you’ll never have to see them again. You have your whole life ahead of you, darlin’.” His voice dropped another octave and my eyes shot back open when I felt his breath on my lips. “It’s okay to dream about the future.”

My heart started racing as he slowly lowered his body to mine. Heat zinged through my entire body when his chest pressed against me, his lips still hovering less than an inch from my own. Our eyes searched each other, and his green eyes darkened as he leaned in closer to brush his lips across my forehead and both cheeks. Pulling back slightly, he waited, giving me the opportunity to stop him. I ran a hand through his messy black hair and curled it around the back of his neck, giving the slightest pressure so he’d know I wanted this too. A soft smile broke across his face and he leaned toward me again. Just before his lips could meet mine, my cell phone blared Tyler’s ringtone.

We both started and stared at each other for a long moment before I reached into my pocket and grabbed my phone. “Hey, Tyler.”

“Hey! God, I can’t wait to see you, you won’t believe what a shitty day it’s been. I’m about to leave but I’m starving. Do you want me to pick up some food?”

Gage was still hovering less than an inch above my face, his eyes locked on mine.

“Uh, no. We already ate. We went for a drive though, so you might make it home before we do.”

“Oh. Yeah, okay.”

I sighed and shut my eyes. I hated not being there for Tyler, even if it was just when he got home from a long day at school. He’d been there for me almost every night for eleven years; I owed it to him to be waiting for him when he got back. “We’re on our way, promise. See you soon.”

“All right, love you, Cassi.”

“Love you too, Ty.”

Gage was off me and out of the bed of the truck before I could even end the call. I knew I’d ruined the moment the second I’d grabbed for the phone, but there was no way I could ignore a call from Ty. Surely he knew that.

“We better get going.” He acted like nothing had just happened. “It’s already really late, and you have to work in the morning.”

I wanted to groan into my hands. I couldn’t believe I’d just stopped that kiss from happening. And there was no way I could salvage the situation now. Gage didn’t say anything the entire way back; his right hand was on the steering wheel, making his body lean away from me. I knew this was my fault, so I stayed pressed against the passenger-side door and didn’t push him to talk to me either. Tyler tried to take me into the bedroom as soon as we got home, but Gage stopped us.

“Tyler, can I talk to you for a minute first?”

“Sure, man.” He hugged me quickly and told me he’d meet me in our room after.

I waited anxiously on the edge of the bed for when he’d come back, my knees bouncing up and down. Thankfully he wasn’t in there long and not five minutes later he was walking into our room, shutting and locking the door behind him.

“Cassi, you need to leave Gage alone for a while.”

I froze. “What? Why?”

He looked at the door, then back to me, speaking softly. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you two tonight. But he’s pissed, said you needed to understand that you’re like a sister to him and nothing more.”

I let my face fall into my expressionless mask, but inside I felt like I’d been punched and was trying to catch my breath. I didn’t understand—Gage had been about to kiss me. He’d been the one pressing his body to mine, brushing featherlight kisses on my face. Why would he do that if he didn’t actually like me? My stomach churned at the thought of him seeing me as his sister. But this was probably for the best. I had been getting in too deep with him, and I needed to guard myself. My father and Tyler—the only men I would ever need in my life. I didn’t have room in my eternally shattered heart for anyone else . . . including Gage Carson. My chest tightened and I had to blink my eyes rapidly as that lie almost forced me to tears again. When I had a handle on my emotions, I looked up at Ty and gave him a weak smile.

“I understand.” I stood up and went to the bathroom to quickly get ready for bed before slipping under the covers with Tyler. He curled his body around mine and I was once again so thankful for him. My rock. He always made everything better by holding me, even heartache.

THE NEXT MORNING I got dressed for my opening shift and headed out to the kitchen. Ty was letting me borrow his Jeep today, so I wouldn’t have to further impose on Gage. Apparently he’d also been complaining about having to “be my chauffeur.” It’s not like I asked him to drive me, he just never gave me a choice. I rounded the corner and smacked right into his brick wall of a chest.

Gage laughed softly and wrapped his arms around me. “Morning, darlin’.”

Placing both hands on his chest, I pushed him off me and stepped around him to grab a granola bar. I knew I was being rude, but I’d spent the majority of the night trying not to cry at the thought of the man I loved seeing me as his sister, so I was extremely grouchy this morning. Walking back around him, I continued for the front door and didn’t stop ’til he caught my arm and turned me back to him.

His eyebrows were scrunched together in confusion. “Are you gonna at least wait for me to get my keys?”

“I’m driving myself.” I dangled Tyler’s keys between us. “Have a good day.”

“Wait, Cassidy, wh—”

“What, Gage?” I hissed. “What do you want?”

He dropped my arm and took a step back. “I th—talked to Tyler last night, I thought you’d be . . .” He trailed off as my eyes narrowed at him.

“You thought what, Gage? Thought I’d be happy? Or I’d be okay with that?” I laughed humorlessly and took a few more steps toward the cars before turning back to him. “Do you have any idea how frustrating you are?”

“Cass.” He took a few tentative steps toward me, reaching his hand to me.

“Don’t! Don’t touch me. I’m sure in a few weeks, I’ll look back and realize how stupid I’m being right now. And maybe by then I’ll be okay with what you want, but right now I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want you to touch me, and I don’t want to see you.” Hell, I already knew that I was overreacting. But I could have sworn he felt something for me too, something more than a sibling bond. And he’d let me believe that, he’d even encouraged it, just to have Tyler tell me to back off. No freaking wonder Brynn had thought they were a couple. He probably went around doing these kinds of things to every girl.

His green eyes hardened and he looked crushed. Though that threw me off balance for a moment, I didn’t have time to care about how he felt right now. He was the one playing with my emotions. He was the one breaking my heart.

G AGE

AFTER CASSIDY DROVE away, I forced myself to breathe and go back into the apartment. I felt like she’d just ripped my heart out. This girl I’d fallen in love with the moment I saw her, this girl I would do anything for . . . didn’t want me.

“Hey, you okay, Gage?” Tyler asked from the kitchen table.

I sat down numbly, just staring at the table.

“Oh—I guess it didn’t go well this morning?”

When Cassidy and I had gotten home last night, I’d pulled Tyler into my room so I could tell him exactly what I felt for her. He’d told me that no matter how much he loved her, he knew how we both felt for each other and wouldn’t stand in our way anymore. I’d been blown away and could barely wait to see her this morning. I was going to finish what I’d started so many times, including last night. I was going to pull her body to mine and kiss her ’til she couldn’t stay standing anymore. Even sleeping had been difficult; I was too distracted thinking about where this could take Cassidy and me.

“She was pissed. Like beyond pissed. Told me she didn’t even want to see me. I don’t understand. After last night, I thought—well . . . it doesn’t matter what I thought.”

Tyler rinsed his mug out and clapped me on the back as he walked toward his room. “That’s a bummer, man, I really thought she liked you too.”