Текст книги "Loving the White Liar"

Автор книги: Kate Stewart

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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

 

 

I picked up my phone with a “Hey, woman!”

“I miss you.” I smiled. It was Gerri. We had barely seen each other in the last month. I had been completely wrapped up in Jayden, and now that Gerri and I no longer worked together—not to mention Gerri and Mike had a budding relationship of their own—we barely saw each other. On days where Jayden wasn’t keeping me prisoner at his house with his amazing food, endless conversation, and immaculate body, I was helping my mother finally pack up my father’s belongings. She had taken great strides to start clearing out some of the clutter of thirty-six years of marriage. Some days she would pack up an entire room only to break down and unpack half of it, claiming she couldn’t part with it. I understood, remained patient, and even with the setbacks, we were making progress. This was hard for my mother, but it was healing for her, so I would do whatever it took to help her. I told her of Jayden and how I had hopelessly fallen for him in less than two short months of dating. She thought the news wonderful and was only short of demanding to meet him. We were still new and I wanted to wait a little longer, so I assured her I would bring him eventually.

Today I was in my father’s office packing the rest of his sports gear while my mother prepared Sunday brunch. I was thinking about the last few months and smiling to myself when Alexis walked in.

“Hey!” she said as she assessed the situation and immediately started helping.

“Hey back, sis. When did you get here?”

“About half an hour ago. I wanted to make sure you were close to finished before I came up and half-assed helped.”

“Gee, thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes as I packed some golf balls in bubble wrap. “Why even bother?”

“I want you to love me more than you love the others,” she spewed as I turned to look at her.

“You give me no choice,” I said with a smile. “How are you, Lex?”

“Good. Tired all the time. I’m getting burnt out.”

I looked at my sister. She was thirty-three, beautiful, rich, and one of the most successful lawyers in Columbia. She had started her own firm at the age of twenty-four, and on a wing and prayer in a world where you could throw a stone and hit a law firm, hers had grown large to her surprise. But it was no surprise to any of us. She had always been the queen of debating in our household.

“Aren’t you the boss? Can’t you take some time off when you need to?”

“Never,” she sighed heavily as she picked at her manicured nails. “But I’m thinking of cutting down on my case load and letting the younger hungrier lawyers work the ninety hour weeks. I’m over it.”

“You have nothing left to prove,” I pointed out as she held up a picture of Dad’s bowling team from the night they had won league. She stared at the picture and held it up for me. “Remember this night? He was so proud.”

“It feels wrong to get rid of that. We’d better ask Mom.” Alexis hesitated and then nodded in agreement as she put it down.

“I miss him so much,” she said on a whisper. “I even miss him bitching at me that I was going to be an old maid.”

“Well, his prediction came true,” I replied, poking at her.

Waving her hand in the air in a Z formation, she glared at me. “I get laid plenty, if I need someone to make me miserable I’ll get committed.”

“Is that how you see it?”

“Lots of years of practice,” she admonished. “I’m good, sis, really. You have the kids, I’ll take the vacations.”

“And when will that be exactly? After your first heart attack? You have got to slow down, Lex.”

“I’m working on it,” she snapped, my heart attack comment hitting a nerve. We had all lived mostly carefree lives until our father’s sudden death. Coming face to face with mortality had left a permanent mark on us all. Priorities started to change slowly for each of us, whether we realized it or not.

“I love you sister, that’s all, and I don’t need you dying on me, too,” I murmured, staring at a photo of Dad and his golf buddies. “Then again, who am I to give advice? I still share a crummy apartment, drive a ten year old car, and work for an hourly wage.”

“You’ll be an old maid too and we can vacation together.”

I laughed as I argued against it. “I’m going to marry Jayden Monroe as soon as he asks me.”

“Wow,” she said, eyeing me over a tall box as she took a seat in the office chair. “It’s that good, huh?”

“It’s real, and it’s happiness, and it’s love,” I said, thinking of how close Jay and I had become since our first night together. We were inseparable, sharing a meal and a bed almost daily. We had long since finished our first Netflix series and were currently in our fourth season of Lost. Jayden, I had learned was mostly a homebody. I didn’t mind it much since we were still in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, and both insatiable for each other. When we weren’t skin exploring, we were sharing amazing food or keeping ourselves entertained. It was the best time I’d ever spent with a man and I couldn’t get enough.

“Have you told him that?” she asked as I smiled into space.

“No, of course not. It’s too soon,” I said, taping shut the last box. “I don’t want to scare him away.”

“So, it’s not too soon to feel it, but it’s too soon to say it?”

“I think it was instant for me, which is scary. But the more time I spend with him, the more I feel it’s justified. He’s really good to me, Lex. Like he takes amazing care of me.”

“That’s awesome, sis, really. I’m so happy for you.”

“Yeah, well ...” I lifted the box, putting it in a stack by the door. “I wish you the same and soon.”

“I’m happy, really. There’s someone, and only one, right now, actually.”

“Really?” I asked, excited.

“Hell no. I’m not that stupid,” she said, cracking up as I threw packing tape at her. “Well, I’ll take Jayden, you keep your boy toys.”

“Gladly. Shall we join the crazy tribe?” she asked as I clicked off the light.

“Let’s.”

Alexis put her hand on my shoulder and I looked over at her. “I’m happy for you, Hilary, really.”

“Thanks,” I said as she gave me a quick squeeze.

“And I’ll be there in a few weeks to check him out. Set it up.” I gave pause at the top of the stairs. “Wait, what?”

“You should have known better than to yap about him. I think it’s time one of us had a hand in this decision of yours to marry a man you just met.”

“Oh, well in that case, HELL NO!”

“I’m coming, kid, make way,” she huffed, trampling down the stairs in front of me. I stopped when I saw a beige box at the foot of the stairs. Alexis caught it and looked up at me and winked. “Consider it an early birthday present.”

“Alexis, you didn’t—”

“I love you. Thanks for taking care of Mom,” she said, rounding the corner and quickly disappearing into the kitchen. I sat on the stairs, opening the box and cradling my brand new pair of heels. My sister might have bought me these seven hundred dollar shoes out of guilt, but I was happy to take advantage, and I knew just how I would debut them.

I joined my family just in time for the prayer and the collective “Amen” before my mother turned to me and said, “So, Alexis tells us you’re getting married.”

 

 

Back at home, after a long day of family time, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling, thankful for some peace and quiet. Much like my mother’s home, Jayden’s always seemed a bit chaotic. Most days he seemed restless and eager for conversation, in which he did most of the talking, and there was always the ever present background noise of loud TV, or his current music obsession. He kept busy in his small apartment, doing simple mundane chores, or exercising. Sometimes it would take him hours to fall asleep, even after we had sexually exhausted each other. I chuckled at the amount of chaos one man could cause as I stared at a selfie I’d taken of us on my phone. It screamed of love and intimacy.

I was happy on all fronts.

After a month and a half at the Leisure Agency, I wasn’t yet completely well versed but I was assured daily I was doing an amazing job. And the truth was, I loved it. I never thought planning vacations for someone else could be so damn satisfying, but in meeting with the clients, their excitement became my own. The mood was infectious and the paychecks were decent. And it didn’t hurt that I came home every night to a beautiful man with a magic pan and amazing motor skills.

I was just about to drift off into a nap when my phone buzzed.

Gerri: I just got off, are you home?

Me: YES! Yay, girls’ day.

Gerri: No shit! Yay! See you in a bit. I’ll pick up some wine.

Me: Awesome.

Minutes later, my catnap was interrupted by my new man.

Jayden: Hey baby.

Me: Hey. You still fishing or are you packing up?

Jayden: I’m done. We got rained out. I’m home.

Me: Well, crap. I just promised Gerri a girls’ day.

Jayden: It’s okay, babe. Have fun. Come over later?

Me: Of course.

Jayden: I’ll leave the door unlocked in case I crash early.

Me: Okay.

Jayden: Wake me up with a blow job.

Me: How romantic.

Jayden: It is to m e 

I grinned at that. I loved pleasing him and he knew it, and he took full advantage of it. Along with all sides of him lurked a highly sexual man who knew my body well. He was insatiable and I found with him I let go of all my inhibitions.

He was potent, full of energy, raw, and completely real. He made couch surfing exciting and a homebody lifestyle appealing. I couldn’t wait for the right time to tell him how I truly felt, and somehow I knew without a shadow of a doubt he felt the same. And while my family openly bashed me for talking marriage so soon, I knew one day my initials would read H. A. M.

And damn it, how I wanted to be HAM.

There was something about Jayden that was both new and exciting, and at the same time felt like home. It was like a blinking red arrow in my heart that pointed directly to him. We’d had one bitch fight in our time together, and it was mostly his nagging that brought it about. His “particular” ways had a tendency to wear on me at times, but he was totally worth his quirks.

Totally.

I spent the majority of the night debriefing Gerri as she spilled the goods on her and Mike. “It...was...going,” she had confessed to me.

“He’s having fun with me, I think. Trying not to take things too serious,” she admitted as she sipped wine on the couch.

“And how do you feel?”

“I still love him, but I’m not pressuring him for anything serious, either. I mean, if he cheats I’ll rip his balls off, but other than that, we are good.” I laughed as she told me about the diner and her war stories, asking her when she planned on moving on and she got quiet.

“They are closing it down at the end of the year,” she said, softly. “Not enough business to stay open with all the competition popping up. I’m so sad for Joe. His family has owned that place for fifty years.”

“Oh no, that’s horrible.” The sinking feeling in my chest for my old boss settling in, I poured us a little more wine. “What will you do?”

“Find something, of course. I mean, I can do more than deliver food, I don’t have your ambition just yet.”

“I went from one service job to the next. Don’t put me on a pedestal, but I have to admit I do love it.”

“I know, and that rocks. I’ll figure it out.” She looked at her cell and then at me.

“Oh hell no. You’re ditching me for dick?”

“Yep.”

I looked at her, incredulous. “That was your rule, Gerri! No ditching for the dick!”

“Well, I only get a few hours tonight and then I work a double for the next two days, so I’m...ditching you for dick.”

“You are a horrible friend.”

“Says the girl who already has her overnight bag packed and sitting at the front door.” I laughed as she called me out.

“I wasn’t going to leave until we both got tired,” I defended.

“Dude, we are in grown up relationships. We won’t live together forever. Late twenties versus early twenties, I’m seeing the difference. I won’t hate if you don’t.”

“I really love him, Gerri.”

“I know girl,” she said, leaning in for a hug.

“Just promise me we will always have each other for snot cries,” I said, holding her tightly to me.

“Ummm, Hilary, this isn’t goodbye. We still live together.” I laughed at the truth of the matter, but even as I realized that fact, I’d also already acknowledged that things were changing even as we stood still.

“Love ya,” she said, making her way out the door. She was off to fetch her man, and if I was lucky, I might catch mine waiting on me.

To my complete disappointment, my man was in fact passed out in his bed, his clothes still on. I decided to take a shower and slip into nothing next to him, knowing moving him and waking him up with his petitioned blow job was impossible. He slept like a rock, and if he woke for any reason, he remained awake until he was lucky enough to pass out again. It was one of the perks of ADHD he told me. Once his busy brain clicked on it was hard to shut it off.

“Once I’m up, I’m up. My mind doesn’t give a damn what time it is.” So I was always careful not to wake him while he slept.

I tiptoed past Randy in the hall with a low “hi.” He gave me an odd look as I pointed to Jayden’s bedroom, letting him know he was asleep, not that Randy cared. He had become a nuisance to Jayden after his first month in the house. Jayden had recently laid down the law, giving him a month to get his shit together and move out. Randy hadn’t bothered to start the process and I knew it would be an issue somewhere down the line. Jayden came to me the night he’d given him the ultimatum, feeling guilty for kicking his childhood friend out. I simply told him that there was a big difference in a helping hand and a hand out, and that Randy needed to learn the difference. I also didn’t like the way he looked at me when Jayden wasn’t watching. I’d caught him more than once giving me looks he shouldn’t be, but knowing Jayden and the way he felt about that kind of thing, I kept my mouth shut.

I finished my shower and put lotion on my freshly shaved legs, hoping that Jayden may rouse on his own sometime during the night. I hadn’t seen him since Thursday morning, and I craved him more than anything. I wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror and froze when I saw Randy standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, completely unapologetic at the invasion of my privacy. I was sure I had locked the door. I was completely naked and turned in shock to gawk at him then jumped back further when I saw Jayden directly behind him with his fist clenched.

“What the fuck, Randy!” I shot off, reaching for a towel to cover myself.

“You look ripe, baby. You should let me see to that.”

“Are you fucking crazy? Jayden’s—”

“Fast asleep and won’t be up for hours.” He took a step toward me as Jayden closed the gap.

“Wrong, motherfucker,” Jayden hissed behind him before landing a bone cracking punch directly to the side of his face. I watched in horror as Jayden stood above him as a crippled Randy lay on the floor. He looked up at me, anger clear in his features as I stood paralyzed.

“Get up,” Jayden ordered in a voice I didn’t recognize.

“Jayden, I didn’t mean—” Randy defended as he tried to stand.

“Get up, Randy.” His voice was deadly as he ordered his friend off the floor.

“Jayden, I locked the door, I swear,” I told him as his eyes shot down to Randy.

“Get up!” Jayden screamed, his face pulsing with rage.

Randy stood at his full height as Jayden stepped up to him, barely an inch from his face. “Twenty Goddamn years of friendship gone over a woman you know only wants me. I hope it was worth it.” Jayden reared back and threw a right hook that had me screaming at the top of my lungs. Randy stood there in an attempt to take it, but as soon as Jayden’s fist connected, his head jerked and a spray of blood flew across the bathroom, landing directly on me. Randy went down, groaning in agony and holding his broken nose.

“You have one fucking hour to get your shit out of my house or I’ll remove it for you.” I stood crying as Randy blocked the entrance to the door, still groaning. Jayden looked at me with steely eyes and walked back into his bedroom, slamming his door so hard it sounded like the frame cracked. With the towel still wrapped around me, I threw my t-shirt on, unsure of what to do. It took Randy the better part of a few minutes to sit up on the floor. He didn’t bother looking my way as he grabbed a towel off the rack and made his exit. I raced into Jayden’s bedroom, bag in hand, and froze when I saw him standing in the middle of the room, seething, his knuckles busted. I pulled out some shorts, putting them on quickly as I rushed through my words.

“I locked that door, Jayden. I swear to God I did. I had no idea he was there.”

“Why the fuck didn’t you use my bathroom!”

“I didn’t want to wake you. You were dead asleep. I was afraid I would make too much noise. I know how hard it is for you to—”

“How fucking considerate of you!” He was still yelling as I rushed to him, putting my hand on his chest.

“No, baby, please don’t blame me for this shit. I was coming to you Jay—”

My words were cut off as he threw my arm off his chest. I’d never dealt with Jayden this angry and I knew I was out of my element. He’d warned me about this. I turned to leave the room before it went any further.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

“Home, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You’ll wait until he leaves.”

“Why?”

“Because in the twenty years I’ve known him, I never thought he’d pull that sick shit and I don’t know what he’s capable of!” He moved me out of the doorway as he looked out to see Randy rapidly packing his room.

“Get it all, man, because you are never getting back in.” He slammed the door again, making me jump.

“Go, clean the blood off,” he said, ordering me away.

“Fuck you,” I said, shaking as I slid down the wall next to the door, covering my head as I buried it in between my legs, crying quietly. A twenty year friendship, whether it was my fault or not, was over, and I felt terrible for Jayden. But at the same time, it was the first time I’d ever wanted to truly be away from him. This raging monster was nothing like the man I loved. He was understandably pissed off, but it was amped up by a million, making him unreasonable toward me. I stayed silent, not looking up as I heard Randy racing down the hall with his shit to make himself scarce. I could feel Jayden’s presence, but couldn’t bring myself to face him. I hadn’t done a fucking thing wrong, but somehow it felt like I had.

“I would never hurt you, Hilary,” Jayden said after a few minutes. “Ever.”

I nodded into my knees as a small sob escaped my lips.

“He deserved it and so much worse,” Jayden said, his voice now belonging to him.

I didn’t say anything as he stood in front of me with his door open, watching Randy leave. I looked up briefly and saw the flash of pain cover his face as Randy threw his key on the floor at Jayden’s feet before leaving.

I was too emotional to form a sentence, so I waited a few minutes as Jayden looked down at me. Our eyes met and I stood up.

“Is Gerri home?”

“No,” I said through a snot-filled nose.

“Take the bed. I’ll take the couch.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, picking up my bag.

“Please, just stay here tonight. When I know where he’s landed, I’ll feel better. I don’t think he would do anything, but I guess you really never know people.” I nodded as he grabbed a pillow off his bed and walked out the door.

I stood in the shower for the second time, wiping off the now dried blood and sucking it up. I’d acted like a cry baby, when in truth Randy did deserve it. But I had never witnessed anything like that and I couldn’t deny it shook me to my core. I finished my shower and threw on one of Jay’s large t-shirts that swallowed me and dove into bed. I was crying quietly a few minutes later when Jayden slipped into bed behind me.

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to yell at you, I swear.” I nodded as I broke down with a quiet sob. He turned me over on my back, forcing my face to his. “I’m sorry, baby. Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean it.” I cried harder because of how much I loved him, how much I knew his friend had just hurt him.

“I’m okay,” I hiccupped.

“I should have taken him outside to deal with him. You shouldn’t have had to see that. I just couldn’t handle it when I saw him in the doorway looking at you. I fucking lost it.”

“I... .” I hiccupped again. “I get it, I totally do. I don’t know why I can’t stop crying,” I said, taking a breath.

“I scared you,” he said, remorse apparent as he wiped my tears away. “I don’t want you afraid of me. I would never hurt you, baby, I swear. I’d hurt me before I ever hurt you. And I hate that he saw you like that. It fucking kills me.”

He leaned in, kissing me gently. “This body is mine, you know? Or at least I want it to be. I never want another man looking at you like that.” His soothing whisper set me at ease, and when I was finally able to talk without baited breath, I kissed him and turned on my side. “It’s getting late, we both have work. Let’s just try to sleep.”

“Okay, baby, I’m going to go walk Trip.” I nodded as he kissed my shoulder and let me go. An hour later, I was still staring at his bedside clock when I felt his arms around me. I relaxed into him as I drifted off.

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. I realized I’d only slept for a few hours but knew it was pointless. My alarm would be going off in an hour so I decided to swim early. Finding the apartment empty, I began to worry about Jayden. I shot him a text stating where I would be as I made my way to the pool. I froze at the gate when I saw him in a lounge chair staring off into space. I opened the gate and walked over to him. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon and the morning was looking as bleak as last night. It was only when I was standing in front of him that Jayden acknowledged me.

“Did you sleep at all?” I asked as he looked up at me.

“No,” he replied, low. He was looking right at me, but seemed to be looking past me as he asked, “Did I fuck us up? Did I lose you?” His eyes were rimmed with red, not tearful, but mournful. He’d honestly thought he’d lost me.

I climbed into his lap and he quickly gathered me close to him as I wrapped the towel I was holding around us, looking down at him. “Of course not, Jayden. Is that why you are out here?”

“I couldn’t even let you leave my apartment last night because I was more afraid you wouldn’t come back than I was of what Randy might do.” He wiped his face, seemingly frustrated as he continued. “I don’t leave my house often because of shit like that. I’m too afraid of what I might do, what my reactions will be if shit goes wrong. Sometimes I can’t control it, so I go out of my way to avoid it. I’m fucked up, Hilary.”

“Jay—”

He cut me off with his gaze as he looked up at me, more vulnerable than I’d ever seen him. “I’m in love with you, Hilary. I’m totally and completely in love with you and I have been for a while.”

Still raw with emotion, I let my tears fall. “I love you too, Jayden.”

He let out a long breath as I towered over him, raising his hands and running his fingers through my hair before bringing my mouth to his. “You do?” he asked sweetly as I nodded. “So much.”

He crushed his mouth to mine as I wrapped myself in his kiss. When our tender lip lock turned hungry, he pulled away. “Let’s go inside.”

Still wrapped in a towel, I pushed him back against the chair then pulled down his shorts, letting his hard length spring free as I stroked it with my hand. Before he could object, I pulled my swim bottoms to the side and took him inside me slowly, inch by delicious inch. We both gasped at the feeling as Jayden looked around us cautiously before returning his gaze back up to me, eyes blazing. The world was still asleep as he began to move in perfect rhythm. “I could never lose you, baby. Not you,” he croaked out, sounding desperate as I covered him in me. I leaned forward, taking his mouth. “You won’t, Jayden, I promise.”

With his deep blue eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep, morning stubble rough against my hand, and his mouth parted, he’d never looked more beautiful. He lifted me up, pushing his shorts down further and burying himself inside me, wrapping his arms around my waist and murmuring into my chest.

“I love you, Jayden,” I repeated as he feathered kisses over my neck, his throbbing cock stealing the rest of my words away. I came minutes later as he looked up at me.

“Come here,” he whispered before taking my mouth and thrusting his tongue in, keeping rhythm with his hips. He was greedy for more as he circled and pushed deeper, and I rode out another orgasm, gripping his shoulders. He looked up at me as he came, giving me his noises, his expression, and I knew then I would never love anyone else the same.