Текст книги "Loving the White Liar"
Автор книги: Kate Stewart
сообщить о нарушении
Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
Two days later, I still had not received a phone call. I’d stopped texting him the day before. The understanding girlfriend was now bitterly pissed. He’d replied to two of my texts, but still insisted he’d call me later. Deciding that when he did come around we were going to have a serious talk, I left him alone. My worry for my relationship was still brewing in the background as my pride and self-respect took the forefront. I wasn’t going to beg to see him. It was beneath me. But the fact that he didn’t want me around hurt the most.
I busied myself with work and spent my nights cooking, something I’d missed with all my time with Jayden. I would make it a point to let him know I wanted to do it more often. I walked into my apartment, determined to make the best mushroom risotto in the history of the world, followed by a homemade tiramisu and chocolate wine. I heard music coming out of the bathroom and greeted Gerri.
“Hey, woman! I bought a ton of good food to make tonight. My asshole boyfriend still hasn’t called so it looks like I’ll be using my vibrator for the first time in almost four mon—” My sentence was cut short when I reached the kitchen. Still holding my grocery bags I slid halfway across the floor before I landed flat on my back. I blinked and then realized I was staring at the ceiling when the pain shot up through my hips and burst in a shockwave right above my ass. The burning from the wind being knocked out of me reminded me I was alive as I began to bitch at the pain. “Ow! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!” In one moment I saw ceiling and the next I saw Jay’s face pop into view.
“Oh my God, baby, are you okay? Fuck, I was trying to catch you before you walked in here!”
Mentally assessing the damage to my screaming body, and completely confused, I realized there was liquid pooling between my legs. “Am I bleeding?”
“No, it’s your wine.” He picked up the leaking bottle, setting it aside, as well as one of the grocery bags I was still hugging to me as he hovered over me. I tried to get up, but he stopped me.
“Stay still. Did you hit your head?” I took in his violet-blue eyes looking down at me, his perfect full lips, the sweet divot in his chin, and had to remind myself I was mad at him.
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Okay, let’s do this slowly.” He reached behind me, pulling my upper body to rest in his lap. I winced in pain and he mimicked my wince. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I wanted to surprise you.”
“So you decided to break my ass!”
“I just got done mopping in here. I was in the bathroom when I heard you come in.”
“Great, then you know you’re an asshole!” I was angry about my wipeout, but more furious that all I wanted to do after days of him shutting me out was throw my arms around him and beg him never to do it again. I knew I was head over heels, but needy was not my style.
“I know,” he said, rubbing my face gently with his hand that reeked of Pine-Sol. Or maybe I did, or maybe my ass did. I felt the cold seeping through my back and shivered.
“Help me up, I’m good.” He helped me to my feet and we both slipped momentarily. He picked me up and put me on the carpet before he started to clean up my mess of groceries while I stared after him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Gerri let me in,” he said, avoiding my bitch face and my question.
“Fine, let yourself out.” I walked into my room and shut the door, tearing off my clothes and throwing them in a heap on the floor before freezing when I noticed all the candles lit around my room. His iPod was on my dock as The Beatles serenaded me with If I Fell. I instantly felt guilty, but had to remind myself that I was pissed and I had a right to be. I walked into my bathroom and gasped. It was lit with even more candles and on the side of the tub sat two tins, one filled with white rose petals, the other with a lavender bath perfume. He was going to make me a bath. I started the water and did his bidding, filling my nose with what turned out to be vanilla and lavender tonic—a smell I’d mentioned I was addicted to during one of our first conversations. Sitting on the toilet seat was a new, long, white silk negligee and a fluffy robe.
“I figured I’d be practical with the robe. You’d want it comfy.” I turned to look at him and saw he was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, attempting to read my mood, which had continually shifted in the last ten minutes.
“I feel like I’m going crazy,” I said with tears in my eyes. “I can’t decide whether to love you or hate you from one minute to the next.”
“I told you loving me wasn’t easy, Hil,” he said hoarsely, his eyes begging for forgiveness.
“It’s so easy to love you, Jayden. Too easy. It’s only hard when you won’t let me.” In two strides he was in front of me, cupping my face.
“You are it for me. You need to know that. I won’t be the perfect man, ever. I won’t even come close, but for you I’ll fight hard to be. I have all this shit going on in my head twenty-four/seven. It never ends. It’s incessant and can turn me into a ticking time bomb, and I won’t let you be a casualty.”
“I don’t need anything more than what you’ve given me already, Jayden. You don’t have to be anything but yourself. I’ve never felt like this, ever. It’s so strong what I feel for you. You can’t shut me out like that. It hurt so much.” He wiped twin tears away from my cheeks. “Please don’t shut me out again.”
“I’ll try, baby. I will, I swear. I’m just not me when I get like that. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He reached down and turned off the water. “Get in the tub. You smell like a pinecone. I’ll go clean up then get in with you.”
I nodded.
“Okay,” he said, turning back to me. “Are you in pain?”
“Kind of,” I said truthfully. My ass did feel broken.
“I’ll get you some Tylenol.” I nodded, sinking into the hot bath.
Minutes later, he returned, handing me two aspirin and some water. I felt more relaxed than I had in days as he slid off his clothes and I watched, unashamed. He looked so damn beautiful bared before me. I appreciated every inch of his naked ass as he turned off the bathroom light so only the candles lit the room. He joined me, slipping in on the opposite side of the tub then pulled my feet into his lap. I winced again and he saw it.
“Should we take you to the ER and get you seen?”
“It’s not that bad,” I said quietly, leaning further into the back of the tub to take the pressure off my behind.
“I’ll go get you another bottle of that wine,” he said apologetically.
“It’s fine. I don’t need it.” Jayden took a single white petal with his fingertip and swirled it around in the water. I had to admit, the atmosphere he’d created was completely intoxicating. Being surrounded by a scented bath with white rose petals in a room full of candlelight was surreal.
After a few minutes of silence, he looked up at me. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell me what happened,” I pleaded, hoping for some insight into what had caused him to push me away.
“It’s hard to explain,” he said, cupping some water in his hands and rinsing his face. “Man, that smells amazing. I get why you like it.”
“Jayden,” I said in warning.
“Okay.” He let out a long breath. “It’s like a tidal wave that’s impossible to stop. I just get sad and a little scared. It’s not clinical, but it’s rough. I feel like everything’s wrong. Nothing will get better. You know, hopeless.”
I nodded as I felt the discomfort he was feeling from telling me.
“It doesn’t happen a lot, once or twice a year, and it doesn’t last long. It’s not even really a symptom of ADHD. I don’t know. I guess my racing brain just gets tired and I shut down. It’s all about the chemicals in my brain. You know what ADHD is, right?”
“I’m beginning to think I don’t,” I said honestly. “I started to look it up the other night and then your mom called.”
“My mom called?”
“Yes, we are going to a barbeque Saturday.”
“No shit,” he said, smiling. “What did she say?”
“Nothing, really. I’m the one that did most of the blabbing. I was nervous.”
Jayden picked up a sponge from the side of the tub and poured some liquid soap on it to suds it up then began rubbing my leg with it. “She’s going to love you, Hilary.”
“Oh yeah, how do you know that?”
“I know her.” He grinned, working the sponge on my other leg.
“Thank you for all this. It’s nice. You didn’t have to.”
“I was going to make it so much better. I didn’t think you would be home so early.”
“Our last client was at four, so Marcy let me off early,” I explained as Jayden’s sponge drifted over my stomach as he crept closer to me. Still working his sponge, he managed to lift me by my arms, pulling me into his seated lap. I felt his growing hardness as I wrapped my legs around him. His muscled arms firmly around me, he used the sponge on my back as he stared into my eyes.
“I missed you.”
“You didn’t have to,” I protested, looking away. I didn’t want to cry again. I didn’t want him to think of me as weak. I wanted him to be able to trust that I could handle it.
“Look at me,” he ordered gently, gripping me tighter as he continued to bathe me. “I wasn’t there.”
I nodded. “I’ll live. I...You didn’t tell me about that part.”
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to explain to the person you are falling for that they might not want to reciprocate your affection because you may on occasion have an uncontrollable, explosive temper tantrum? Or that you may pop off with inappropriate comments at any point in time that could alienate them? Oh, and don’t forget the controlling, OCD tendencies with a small, short-lived side of anxiety and depression. Or better yet, how to explain you weren’t listening to something important they were trying to convey because you were too busy figuring out the difference between jelly and jam.”
“Just like that,” I answered, knowing it wasn’t that simple.
“How likely would you have been to return my calls?”
“I don’t think anything could’ve stopped us,” I said quickly. “And I don’t care if you drink blood once a month from a one legged whore. I love you.”
He burst out laughing as he dropped the sponge then pulled me to his lips, kissing me deeply. Suddenly I was all too aware of the hardness between us.
“Did my mushrooms make it?” I asked between kisses.
“Yes, and everything else. Thank God that bottle didn’t break,” he said, biting my lip.
“Good, then tonight I’m cooking dinner.”
He pulled away and gave me a puzzled look. “I have no objection to that.”
“You never let me cook,” I bitched, making sure I brought up all the points I wanted to make before I let him ravage me.
“You never asked to,” he whispered before capturing my nipple in his mouth. I moaned and bucked my hips as he licked and sucked, circling my bud over and over. My sex pulsed as he moved up my chest to my neck. “Fuck, you look so sexy in candlelight.” He nuzzled my neck as I gripped his arms, moving myself along his hardness.
“What was that about replacing me with a vibrator?” I froze as he chuckled then pulled away to catch the fresh heat in my face.
“You deserved it,” I replied coyly.
“Maybe,” he whispered as his hand trailed down between us and his fingers began to taunt me. “Or maybe you just need to be reminded of who owns this.”
“Jayden,” I gasped as he pushed his fingers inside me, sliding them along my ridge. “I’m going to make you come all night so you don’t forget again.”
“Hilary!” I heard Gerri’s voice full of emotion as she walked in the front door. “Hil, you home?” Jayden groaned as I answered her before she burst through my bedroom door. “I’m in my bathroom Gerri and I’m not alone!”
I heard her hesitate just outside my door. “Okay, I really need to talk to you.” Her voice cracked again and my heart physically flinched. She needed me.
“I’ll be right there, hang on.”
Jayden stood, grabbing a towel and drying himself briefly before reaching for me. He shut my bathroom door and took his time drying me before slipping the negligee down on me and then wrapping me in the robe, leaving it untied.
“This feels amazing, thank you,” I said before kissing him. “I’m sorry, but this doesn’t sound good. I may have a situation to deal with.”
He feathered kisses down my chin to my neck, his hands roaming the negligee and pulling it up over my ass as he bent down and placed kisses sporadically over my stomach, stopping just above my sex with a tongue filled kiss.
“Fuck, I need you so much,” he said, licking my folds briefly before trailing his kiss back up to my mouth. I stood paralyzed and more turned on than imaginable as he finally closed the robe, tying it tight.
“I’ll head home. I have to walk Trip, anyway.” He slid his tongue along my bottom lip and I opened for him, kissing him feverishly. When he pulled away and clicked on the light, it was like reality set in, bursting our bubble. I sighed and thanked him.
“Go, I’ll blow all these out,” he urged, referring to the candles before he looked back at me with longing. “I love you.”
“I’ll text you,” I said, opening the door. He gripped my wrist, stopping me.
“Don’t you dare use that vibrator.” I lifted a brow. “I mean it, woman.” He scowled and I leaned up and kissed his divot.
As suspected, Gerri was a hysterical mess. Mike had broken it off with her, stating they were just too different. She found out through a friend at the bar he was getting back with his ex.
“I was so stupid to start it in the first place.”
“Why? You saw a guy you wanted to get to know and you went all out for it. Nothing wrong with that.”
She nodded, her face a snotty mess as I pulled her to me. “I’ve got you, girl.” She cried into my brand new robe and when she pulled away she remarked on it.
“That’s so soft. Is it new?”
“Yeah, my asshole bought it for me.”
“I heard that,” Jayden called from the hallway.
“Sorry, babe,” I said, winking at Gerri. Not wanting to miss Jayden leaving, I stood, opening her door and half closing it behind me as Jayden was turning to close my front door. From the breezeway he caught me peeking and jutted out his pouty bottom lip in protest of our ruined evening. I smiled at him, and thinking fast, pulled open my robe and flashed my negligee as he stood stunned. As did my neighbor behind him who was just reaching his front door across the hall.
“God dayum. Howdy, neighbor!”
Well, shit.
Jayden’s face turned dark in a split second as I sucked the air through my teeth. Jayden turned around to glare at Donald, the fifty-year-old drunken cowboy who had just seen the perfect damp outline of my private parts and he cowered in his apartment. He looked back at me and I shrugged my shoulders. Jayden slowly shook his head in disappointment before closing the door.
Well, he had already broken my ass today, what more could he do?
I went back to tend to Gerri.
“This day has been a disaster for both of us. Let me change into some comfy jammies and we can do our thing.” She nodded enthusiastically, but cried as I made us mushroom risotto, and continued to cry through half of the tiramisu before passing out at midnight. I checked my phone for texts and saw Jayden had sent one.
Jayden: I’m so going to mark your ass for that.
I ignored his comment about my grand flash because I was still wrapped up in Gerri’s pain.
Me: God, that was horrible. Please don’t break my heart. I never want to go through that again.
Jayden: That sucks. I like Gerri. That guy’s an asshole.
Me: I think she knew they weren’t good together. It’s late, babe. I have work. Are you going back tomorrow?
Jayden: Yeah I am. And though you are really good at changing the subject I AM going to redden your ass for that stunt.
Me: Have to catch me first .
Jayden: Goodnight. I love you.
Me: You better. You are the reason for the literal pain in my ass right now.
“You good?” I looked up to see Jayden hovering as I shucked corn at his mother’s picnic table in her back yard.
“Yes, is there something I can help you with, warden?”
“Ward—Hey, not cool. I’m not checking up on you.” Even as he said it, he was watching me do my chore carefully.
“Is it hard for you to watch?” I asked, curious.
“I’m not that bad,” he defended, picking up a piece of corn I had already worked and pulling a stray piece of hair off. I raised a brow as he put it back down quickly.
“I’ll go get you some tea.” I laughed as he walked off, admiring his perfect ass. His plain white-tee clung to him in all the right places, accentuating the vivid colors on his arm. I looked around the back yard of his mother’s single family home and imagined a young Jayden hanging from the tree limbs.
“How are you doing?” I looked up as Jayden’s mother, Mallory, joined me.
“Good, about done.” I had been surprised when I first met her. Jayden didn’t resemble her at all. She was short in stature with pale blonde hair and dark brown eyes. Jayden definitely must’ve taken after his absent father. I found it sad that she probably had a daily reminder staring back at her of the man who’d left her.
“So you two seem pretty serious,” she commented, giving me a wink. “I don’t expect you to want to talk about it with his mother, but I’m hoping for something small. That boy has only brought home one girl and that was in the seventh grade.”
I gave her a wink back. “I’m flattered. Thank you for telling me that. He’s so beautiful. I’m surprised you didn’t have to beat them off with a stick.”
She gave me an alarmed look. “I did. Oh, God, how I did. He just never returned their affection.”
“Well, when you give me that kind of dirt, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” She gave me Jayden’s smile and I was thankful he at least had that from her.
“How did you two meet?”
“At our apartment pool. He fell asleep on our first date.” We both laughed and she shook her head.
“He’s always been a handful and then some,” she said absently. “He’s smitten with you and there’s no question about it.”
Jayden came out with who I assumed was his Uncle Stephen, my ice tea in his hand.
“Hey, there,” Stephen addressed his sister with a squeeze on her shoulder before turning his attention to me. “You must be Hilary. My boy won’t shut up about you at work, but I can see why.” I stood, wiping the hair from the corn off my shorts before shaking his hand. “Nothing like the love of a red headed woman, huh, Jay?” he said, giving me a flirtatious wink.
“I’m afraid I’m more ice than fire,” I admitted.
“That’s even better. You have enough to deal with right here.” Jayden gave him a sideways glance before handing me my tea.
“Thanks, babe.” I took a sip as Mallory excused herself.
“Inviting people over to eat and then spending the day cooking is the dumbest damn way to try to get to know someone. I’ve got an oven to attend to, but I’ll be back and I want that dirt,” she said, making her way up the porch.
Jayden raised his eyes at me and I shrugged. Stephen turned to Jayden, who was looking at me with a warning, and chuckled. “Give your mother a break, boy. If you had brought home one out of every hundred you’d dated, she wouldn’t be harassing this one here.”
“Hundreds?” I asked without thinking.
Jayden swallowed and walked toward the house. “Mom’s calling.”
“I didn’t hear her,” Stephen laughed as Jayden hauled ass inside the house, but not before calling out to me. “Don’t listen to him, baby. He assumes every man under the age of thirty is Hugh Hefner.”
“Is that why you are running away?” I called after him, but got no answer.
“He fancies you,” Stephen said, shaking his head in amusement. I took in Uncle Stephen as he made himself comfortable on the bench across from me. He was very tall and super slender. It was clear he and Jayden’s mother were related. Stephen’s features were simply...larger: large nose, large eyes, large lips. He had the features of a giant, and a full but nicely trimmed beard that was totally unfitting for summer.
“I fancy him, as well,” I shot back. It seemed Jayden had either had a talk with his family on what to say to me first, or they were really shocked at his affection for me. Either way, I was happy.
“Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. I’ve never seen that boy so determined.” I shook my head in a bashful ‘no,’ denying credit with a mouthful of tea.
“I think it has more to do with him wanting to partner up with you,” I said excitedly.
“Partner up?” He gave me an ‘are you serious’ look. “With Jayden? That’s a laugh.” I froze. I’d started the conversation and clearly it wasn’t my place to mention it. I backtracked quickly.
“Sorry, I must have misunderstood.”
Stephen looked at me suspiciously. “No, I know full well what you are talking about. The fact is the boy’s almost bankrupted me twice in worker’s comp claims.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.” Uncomfortable wasn’t a strong enough word to explain what I was feeling. Our conversation had gone from pleasant to really bad in a matter of seconds. I saw contempt in his eyes when he spoke next.
“That boy has cost me more than he’s made me with his careless mistakes. As much as he’s hurt himself in that last few years, it’s a wonder my doors are still open.”
“But he loves—”
Stephen cut me off with his hand. “Oh, he’s amazing at what he does. And don’t get me wrong, I love that boy like my own. But he hurts himself far too often to take the lead.”
“I shouldn’t have mentioned this. It’s my mistake.” Praying he would get the hint, I stood to grab the corn to take it into his mother.
“I don’t know how he expects me to take him seriously when as hard as he works, everything’s obliterated with his fuck ups.”
“Please don’t speak ill of Jayden in front of me,” I said sharply. “He very much loves his job and has nothing but respect for you. I spoke out of turn, I apologize, but I won’t stand here and listen to you tell me what he can’t do.” I grabbed the corn off the table and walked toward the door as Jayden popped his head out. His mother passed him, grabbing the tray from me from the porch stairs. Jayden pulled me up to meet him on the top step. I felt the unease of my confrontation with his uncle disappear when he cupped my face right in front of his mother and addressed his uncle.
“Unc, have you ever seen a woman so beautiful in your entire life? Because I haven’t.” He searched my eyes and found what he was looking for before leaning in and placing the softest kiss on my lips.
“I believe you have found the one for you, son,” he answered. I didn’t care if the compliment was genuine or not. All I cared about were the blue eyes of the man who held my heart. Jayden pulled me into a hug and over his shoulder I saw his mother dab her eyes before walking back into the house.
After a southern feast of grilled chicken and corn (grilled corn being my new obsession), homemade mac-n-cheese, and potato salad, the guys sat in Mallory’s living room while we sat at the kitchen table swapping recipes for dirt.
“Here’s the mac-n-cheese,” she said, handing me the card straight from her recipe box. I took it with greedy hands as she browsed through, pulling out cards. Her house was small but warm and inviting. Her decorations were outdated, but it did nothing to take away its sweet appeal. It was well lived in and it gave away a lot. I could picture where they put their annual Christmas tree. I could also see the wear and tear on the staircase from years of Jayden treading up and down. I saw a host of Jayden’s mannerisms in his mother as she spoke. It tickled me to no end that she was just as blunt as he was. Absorbing all of this around me, I had to ask her to repeat her question.
“Sorry,” I apologized as I looked at the wall of photos behind her kitchen table. Jayden’s first birthday, Jayden’s first baseball trophy, Jayden’s prom. It was all there, his whole life displayed on a wall.
“I asked if you have family here in South Carolina.”
Wrinkling my nose, I answered, “Too much family, if you ask me. I have three sisters and a brother. I thank the Lord every day we are spread so far apart. We get together once or twice a month for brunch.”
“Big family, that’s refreshing.” I stopped my survey of the wall to look at her.
“It’s great, really. I love them. We are dysfunctionally functional. My father was the sanest of us, but passed last fall. I hate that my mother’s alone.”
“I’m sorry about your father,” she remarked sincerely, finding a new recipe and handing it to me.
“So am I,” I said mournfully. Pushing back the tug in my chest, I spoke up. “I better start writing these down,” I piped, grabbing the stack that was building.
She grabbed my hand and I froze. “No, baby, see I have most of them here,” she said, pointing to her temple, “but it’ll give me a good excuse to call you.”
“Ah,” I said with a chuckle. “Well, honestly, you can do that whenever you want to, but I’ll be taking these for good measure.” We gave each other a knowing grin.
“Jay-bird, darlin’, I really like this one. Don’t piss her off,” Mallory said as we kept our grins.
“Yeah, don’t piss me off,” I agreed as she let go of my hand.
“He can be intense, hard to handle, but he’s worth it, Hilary.”
“I know,” I whispered, suddenly feeling like talking about him was wrong.
“If you need to talk, you can call me.”
I remained silent. I didn’t want to damn myself, but at the same time I had so many questions. She seemed to take my silence with a grain of salt as she went on.
“He was almost eight years old before I realized he was having a hard time. I was always working. Always...working.” I could see the deep sorrow etched in her face and it seemed I saw her age right across the table. “I couldn’t handle him when he was younger. The school counselor blamed his issues on me. They threatened to take him. I was so worried about how to keep him clothed and fed and so exhausted by the time I got to him I didn’t realize ...” she looked down and then straight into my eyes. “What’s done is done. God knows I’ve paid the price for my stupidity and my baby had to, as well. Now that he’s off his meds, I worry.”
She looked at him on the couch as he laughed with his Uncle. “But I can’t do it forever. He’s done so well, and you ...” she paused with a smile, “God, I’ve never seen him like that with anyone.”
I started looking around for a mop because I was sure my heart just exploded.
“There are going to be times you are going to want to give up...but don’t.”
“I won’t and I promised him the same. I don’t see anything wrong with him. He has his quirks, but they are harmless.”
“You’re young, you’re in love,” she warned.
“Very much so,” I said just as Jayden looked our way, seeming to catch on we were talking seriously. I looked down at a recipe, feeling guilty.
“Why won’t he medicate?”
“Oh, honey, that’s a can of worms you do not want to open. Let’s just say if it was available, we’ve tried it.” She looked at me for a second before pulling out the big gun.
“Chicken Casserole.”
I sat up straight in my seat. “YES!” I went to take the card and she snatched it away. When I raised my eyebrow, she answered my question.
“I want three grandbabies,” she commanded, starting the bidding.
“One, and you can watch him whenever you so desire,” I shot back.
“Two, a boy and a girl,” she countered back, the prize well within my grasp.
“One, and if it’s a girl we name her after you,” I said, desperate for that recipe.
“My chicken casserole is worth that!” She laughed, exasperated.
“I only dated him to get the recipe!” I said, laughing with her, “and now I have it!” I let out an evil laugh as she joined me as Jayden walked in the kitchen with a dopey smile.
“What in the hell, women? Mom, banana pudding!”
“Yes, sir!” she said, getting up to grab the dish from the fridge.
I marveled at the recipe and then waved it in the air in front of Jayden as he gave me a knowing grin.
“What did you give her for that?”
“Nothing at all. She just gave it to me,” I lied.
He leaned down and whispered to me sweetly, “Liar.”
“It’s a white lie. They are harmless,” I defended.
“I would have given it to you for a lot less.”
