Текст книги "Loving the White Liar"

Автор книги: Kate Stewart

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Текущая страница: 15 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

“So, I’ll lose him.” My heart began to beat faster at the thought I wouldn’t have the Jayden I fell for.

“Not necessarily.”

“God, this...What am I supposed to do with this!” I said, suddenly pissed at the hand I’d been dealt. “I love him. I don’t want our relationship to change. I feel like we are already failing.”

“Your partner doesn’t want it to change, either.”

“What do I do?” I said, suddenly desperate. “What he and I have, God it’s everything to me.”

“Then you fight for it and keep fighting every single day. You take the days as they come. You have told me you can deal with most of the daily symptoms with ease. You two have a comfort zone and can go weeks or months without incident, correct?”

“Yes,” I agreed.

“Then deal with each situation the disorder may cause as an isolated incident. Don’t expect the worst from your partner. They need acceptance first and foremost. Keep your role as wife, not mother. I cannot stress that enough. ADHD partners, or more specifically wives of ADHD patients have a way of emasculating their men. Unintentionally, for the most part. A lot of times the statement that ‘It’s like having another child,’ tends to come out of their mouths. And in a way, it’s a very understandable statement.”

He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair, looking at me carefully. “Support your partner, encourage him, and when you run out of the endless patience, find some more. Whether or not you are capable of that is entirely up to you.”

I looked down at my ring finger and back up to him.

“And when you lose it, when you just can’t take it and you crack—and you will—give yourself a break. You won’t always be the perfect ADHD partner. You will make mistakes just like he will. He has a part to play in this as well. Jayden, though I shouldn’t tell you this, is very aware of his disorder. He comes to me willingly to keep himself educated and manage his symptoms. He is determined to live as close to someone unaffected as humanly possible. He’s extremely dedicated and even more so now that he has a young wife to care for.”

“Thank you,” I said, unable to hold back the lone tear that escaped me.

“My appointment should be here,” he said, getting up to head to his door, “but I am here for you and Jayden both anytime you need me.”

“I’ll pay you for this,” I said, pulling out my checkbook. He quickly closed his hand over mine. “Absolutely not. If we continue with sessions, I’ll consider it. I look at this as a consult, and besides, I wanted to meet you. I’m very partial to Jayden. We’ve been a team for a long time and I am truly proud of him and congratulate you both. You two may have struggles to deal with, but you also have so much to look forward to. Get out of your own head for a while and focus on the good. Don’t lose sight of why you married him and don’t let his disorder mar your love for him.”

“I don’t think I’m capable of ever loving him less,” I said, shaking his hand.

“He deserves you,” Dr. Sawyer said quietly. “He’s a good man.”

“Thank you so much,” I said again, taking a deep breath and walking through the door.

“Hey, Bennett,” Dr. Sawyer greeted his next appointment. I looked at the young boy as his mother ushered him into the office.

“Doc,” he replied just before the door shut.

I sat in the quiet confines of my car in the parking lot for a full ten minutes absorbing everything I’d just heard. I wondered how other wives of ADHD patients dealt with the day to day. I’d seen a ton of online support groups I’d never deemed relevant to me until this very moment. I had so many answers handed to me today, but I still had so many questions. And if I wanted those answered, I’d have to do the work.

“Holy shit,” I mumbled, starting my car. On the drive home, I mentally kicked the crap out of myself for not doing more to learn about ADHD in the beginning. I had no idea what my reaction would have been when I wasn’t head over heels in love with Jayden and could make a more informed decision about how willing I would be to deal with this. Would I have walked away before we got serious? Would I have given up the possibility of him because of what being with him entailed, or the amount of sacrifice it would take to maintain this type of relationship? It all boiled down to worth. And it didn’t take long.

He was worth it. The heartache was worth it. The headache was worth it. And the payoff of being Mrs. Jayden Monroe was worth it.

I’d vowed long ago to be ADHD’s greatest adversary, and now that I was armed with more knowledge of what it really was, it was time to suit up and fight. With all the answers I didn’t realize I needed swirling around in my head, I mentally traded in my doubts for boxing gloves. This was my life, this was the hard truth of the conscious decision I’d made of being with Jayden Monroe.

But the real battle belonged to my husband. I was the partner of ADHD. But Jayden was ADHD. That alone shortened my pity party and filled me with renewed strength. His fight was a lot harder than mine and when he was tired, I would have to lift my gloves to help him.

And from what I’d already experienced, I knew I’d better be ready. And for Jayden, I would be.

 

 

Arriving home that day, I’d been prepared to try to talk things out with Jayden if he was receptive. I walked in to a blaring Sail by Awolnation and froze as I stood in the doorway, listening to the words. This was definitely frustration and anger. The song’s lyrics gutted me as I put my purse down to find Jayden. I heard a sharp exhale coming from the bedroom and made my way to the door. My tongue thickened when I spotted Jayden on the floor doing sit ups in his boxers. His body was glistening with sweat as he pushed himself. He glanced up at me but didn’t stop his vigorous workout.

“Hi,” I said, taking a step into the room as the music coursed through me. “Nice song choice. Are you trying to tell me something?”

He continued his exertion as I studied his perfection. My pulse kicked as I saw his muscles flex with each lift of his upper body. I was trying in vain to discard my budding arousal, because frankly it was not the time, but it had been weeks and he looked like a welcomed tsunami in the desert. Without invitation, I sat on his feet and braced his knees, the way I often did when he worked out at home. He paused in between his next lift as he glanced at me warily.

“So now I exist?” he huffed, resuming his pace.

“Don’t,” I pleaded as I watched his face twist with the energy he expelled.

“Don’t what?” he questioned harshly as he avoided my eyes.

“I was hoping we could talk,” I said.

“About what?” he pushed out angrily.

“Us,” I said, wrapping my arms around his knees and myself further around him.

“What us? Oh, the us you forbid me not to let go of and then turned around and abandoned yourself?” He pulled his feet from under me, leaving me on the floor, and made his way into the bathroom.

“Jayden, I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. I’ve just been working things out in my head.”

He paused in the doorway and looked back at me as if he didn’t want to believe me. “It happens this exact same way every time.”

I pulled myself off the floor, confused until realization dawned. “Don’t categorize me with them,” I said behind Jayden as he started the shower.

“Why not?” he said, turning to look back at me as he dropped his shorts. “In order to be different baby, you kind of have to act different. Besides my mother, you were the only woman in my life that never made me feel disposable.”

I let the sting run its course.

I blinked my tears away, becoming more frustrated by the second. “So there’s no room for error on my part at all? You are the one who gets to fuck up and be forgiven, but I have to be a saint?”

He expelled a breath and looked at me with remorse. “Can we just not do this today? Call Gerri and go spend some time with her. I’m going out with the guys for a few hours.” He got into the shower and closed the curtain as I stood there, feeling the space between us widen unbearably. I stripped off my clothes and got into the shower behind him as he shampooed his hair. I stood in the back, coveting his muscled back and beautiful wet skin as he braced himself against the steady stream.

God, he was beautiful. When he turned around and saw me, he didn’t look surprised. His eyes raked my naked body and I felt the pull like I always did, but stood still.

He smirked as he caught my heated eyes taking him in. “You know, lately when you look at me, I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore. But right now, I can read your thoughts loud and clear.” He took a step forward as my breathing picked up. The muscle between his legs began to get hard and brushed up against my stomach as he placed his hands on the tile on either side of my face. “We’ve always been good at this, haven’t we?” he whispered an inch from my lips, his heated eyes searing into mine. “I could lift your leg right now and slide into you knowing you’d be ready and I’d fit perfectly,” he murmured as his breath hit my skin. His lashes lowered as he took in the rapid rise and fall of my chest. “Fill you over and over again, and make you scream my name as you come.” He gripped his length and began to stroke it as he leaned into my ear and whispered, “I can already taste you on my tongue, feel your thighs shake around me.” He pulled back, letting himself go.

Seduced and thoroughly ready, I reached for him but he stopped me.

“Please touch me,” I begged.

“I can’t.”

“I’m just trying to love you the best way I know how,” I pleaded.

His face twisted in hurt as his eyes bore into mine. “Aren’t you the one who said it was easy to love me?” he reminded me, taking another step back beneath the water, his eyes still glued to mine.

I bit my lip as tears threatened. He was punishing me for my distance.

He was being a bastard.

“It is,” I said carefully.

“Then why do you have to try?”

“Do you want me to give up?” I asked, desperate. “What do you want, Jayden?”

He didn’t hesitate with his answer. “I want my wife back.” I nodded, knowing he was right. Our connection far exceeded sex and we wouldn’t be doing each other any favors giving into our urges. It wouldn’t solve anything. Braving the truth of my adventure today, I braced myself as I confessed.

“I saw Dr. Sawyer today.” Jayden’s face contorted slightly in confusion before he smiled ironically with a nod. “Good, I’m glad.”

“You aren’t angry?” I said both confused and relieved.

“No, did you expect me to be?” I shrugged as he looked at me curiously.

“He didn’t discuss your private thoughts or anything like that. It was for me.”

“I get it,” he muttered, turning back around to lather his body with soap and water.

“I wanted so much to understand what you go through. And...I mean, he really helped...explained a lot. I had no idea how hard it was for you, Jayden. I just wish you would have told me.”

“What about you?” he asked, his voice slightly cold. “Did you tell him how hard it is for you?” I nodded as my lips quivered with the emotion threatening to burst out of me. Jayden pulled me under the water with him, but still kept his distance. I pushed up on my toes to kiss the divot in his chin and he allowed it, along with my move to leave a slow kiss on his lips.

“Your wife is right here,” I offered as I held my heart out to him.

“I’m late,” he said, running his fingers through my wet hair before making a quick escape out of the shower.

Me and my unclaimed heart finished our shower and watched as our husband made his way out the front door to escape us both.

Hours later in bed, I smelled the vodka before I felt the sweet and gentle kiss on my lips. I was just about to return it and throw my arms around his neck when I heard Jordan whisper from our bedroom doorway.

“Jayden, man, I’ve got the game ready to go. Leave her alone and let her sleep. She’ll be pissed if you wake her up when you’re drunk.”

I felt the weight shift as he left the bed and then heard his desperate reply from the doorway. “I’m losing her, man.”

“Bullshit,” was the last I heard as the door closed. I couldn’t make out the rest of their conversation. I wanted to go to Jayden, tell him that I wasn’t going anywhere, but I didn’t due to the drunk comment and the fact that he had company—which was rare since his confrontation with Randy. He’d only introduced me to a handful of friends since I’d known him. It seemed that was all he had. He was even more cautious when they came over and refused to leave the room if I was in it. With Jordan, he seemed completely at ease, and so did I. I was glad he trusted him enough to lean on and confide in. It was hard watching him recover from losing one of his oldest friends.

I decided I would make it my mission to bridge the gap between us in the morning. I wanted nothing more than to forget the last couple of weeks and move on. It was time to let go, and my pity party had hurt us both. His lingering kiss comforted me as I drifted back to sleep.

 

 

The next morning I woke before my alarm went off and saw Jayden had already left. Completely disheartened, I made my way to the bathroom to start getting ready. I wasn’t sure if he was avoiding me now altogether. Chest aching, I threw my negligee on the floor and grabbed my toothbrush then paused. Jayden’s iPod was taped to the bathroom mirror with a small note attached that said he’d make things right and he loved me. I pushed play and my heart leapt to my throat as Mirrors by Justin Timberlake rang throughout the bathroom. I stood bared with my arms crossed over my chest as I listened to Jayden’s borrowed words, completely raw as they covered me with hope. By the time the second chorus rang out, I was a blubbering mess. I hit repeat and replayed the song over and over as I showered until my phone rang. I rinsed off quickly and grabbed it right before it went to voicemail, hoping it was Jayden, but it was my mother.

“Mom, I’m in the shower—”

“They took it all. Oh, God he’s gone. He’s gone!” My mother was somewhere between hysterical and sobbing. Realization dawned on me that after several months of careful packing, we had finally arranged for a truck to take my father’s belongings away...this morning.

“Mom, listen to me—”

“I can’t live without him, don’t you understand! I can’t! You all want me to but I can’t. His things were all I had!”

“Mom, I’m on my way, okay? Hang on.” I heard her agonizing sob on the other end before she hung up. In all my years of living, I had never heard her like this. I raced to my bedroom and stuffed some clothes in a small suitcase I’d purchased for my honeymoon. I wasn’t about to leave her side until I knew she was okay. I quickly sent a text to Jayden telling him I needed to be with my mother and I wouldn’t be home.

I raced to my mother’s house to find her on the front porch, her cell phone on the steps beside her. I ran from my car to her as she stood up and hugged her as she sobbed into me.

“I know I’m your Mom, I shouldn’t have done that to you. I’m sorry, honey.” She sniffed as I cried into her arms. “I can’t understand how people move past this. Tell me how people move past this?!”

“I don’t know,” I pulled away and stared at her red-rimmed, brown eyes, ruined by what I saw. She was not the smile ready mother I was used to. She’d held all of this hurt inside her. I felt honored to be there for her, the way she had for me and my siblings my entire life. And at the same time, it broke me that my stoic mother had been so brave all of this time with this deep etched and never-ending hurt hiding beneath.

I guided her into the house and sat her on the couch then went to the kitchen and made us both some sweet tea.

“Thanks,” she said, taking her glass and putting it on the coffee table. “Hilary, I shouldn’t have done that to you. I’ve counted more on you in the last six months than I ever have anyone.”

“Mom, I’m glad you did. I’m glad you called me,” I said, grabbing her hand. “I miss Daddy all the time. I miss him so much.” My voice cracked. “I don’t talk about him because you don’t. I know it seems silly but I think I’ve been waiting on you.” Tears slid down both our faces as I looked around the house.

“That was just stuff, Mom. You know, it didn’t keep him here.”

“I know how stupid it may seem, but I could walk around every day and see something and it would trigger a memory. I wasn’t ready to lose that.” She sniffed as she pulled out a tissue from the box on the table.

“God, Mom, I’m so sorry. I’ll call them right now. I’m sure the truck hasn’t unloaded.” I pulled my cell out of my pocket, but she stilled my hand.

“And then what?” she asked on a sigh. “And then I unpack it all and have more of a reason not to leave this house, not to think about anything other than the fact that he’s gone. No, it was the right thing to do, and honestly, I would have never been ready.” I nodded, noticing a text from Jayden but deciding it could wait until later.

My mother looked at me with all sincerity. “It wasn’t enough. We had so many years together, but it wasn’t enough, Hilary. Almost four decades and I want more, damn it!” She went limp as her sobs consumed her. “Each day is another day away from the time we were together, you know what I mean? I feel like I’m losing him all over again.” I clung to her as she gripped me hard, letting her emotion take over.

I sat with my mother for long hours just listening to her talk about my father. The things he did, the memories they had before children came along. I was completely fascinated. We spent hours on her back porch sipping some concoction that Alexis had left behind as she told me of the days when they first met.

“He was so damn good looking, Jesus, but what got me the most was his smile. I knew when I saw it I wanted it replicated.” She gave me a wink. “So when he asked me out I told him to kiss my ass.”

I spit out my drink as she went on with no reaction to my astonishment, or the liquid that now covered her wicker furniture.

“That man was the biggest ass this side of the Mason-Dixon line. I had never met anyone so arrogant, so damn prideful. I swore he was going to hit me over the head with a club and declare me his Jane.” My mother took a sip of her drink and looked over at me with a smile. “Everyone wanted him and I was no exception, but I knew better than to make myself available.”

“What happened?” I asked, intrigued.

“I started dating someone else,” she said coyly. “I knew he would call my bluff so I made the other guy way too convincing. Your father fought me tooth and nail for months.”

On the edge of my seat, I leaned in. “And then what?”

“I won.” She winked again. “Your father was everything and nothing like the man you knew. Just like I am, parents are people, too, you know. When you kids were born, things changed and we have no regrets, but we were pretty damn crazy back in our day. And don’t ask because I won’t tell. It was the seventies. Use your imagination.”

I laughed as I poured some more concoction out of the pitcher and into our glasses.

“Sometimes I think we had too many kids,” she whispered under her breath. I felt a sharp sting of confusion as she looked up with glossy eyes to read my face. “Not because of what you’re thinking, honey. God, we love you so much ...” She paused as her eyes filled again. “So many more chances to lose you, you know. I haven’t gone to bed one night without praying repeatedly for your safety...times four.”

“I understand,” I said, nodding. “It’s a lot to worry about. And Sabrina...well, she’s scary.” My mother chuckled as I thumbed my ring, thinking of Jayden. Seeing my mother like this, missing her husband, made none of the fights Jayden and I were having seem important. I quickly excused myself to the bathroom and checked my phone. I saw Jayden’s response to my text from earlier this morning.

Jayden: Everything all right?

Me: Everything’s fine. I’m going to stay here for the weekend.

Jayden: Okay.

Me: I love you.

No response had me sighing heavily. He was shutting down on me. I quickly had to tell him my absence had nothing to do with our problems.

Me: I need to be here, today was bad for her.

I dialed his number and my heart sank when he didn’t answer. He wasn’t going to believe me and two more unanswered texts told me he was no longer listening.

I cursed him for that. At a time when I needed to handle my mother with gentle gloves, my husband was too impatient to understand or even give me the time of day to explain. I was furious by the time he answered me.

Jayden: I’ll make this right.

In that moment, a part of me wanted to give up.

He wasn’t listening and my absence now, at the worst possible time, only convinced him even more that I still had one foot out the door. I’d never shut him out before the way I had, and I understood why he was hesitant to believe me. He’d never had a relationship last beyond his ADHD. And as determined as ever, I knew I would be the first, even if I was emotionally drained. I needed to recharge and my mother needed me, so I left the battle alone until I was ready to face it.

And then I didn’t hear from him the next day or the next. I called and texted and got nothing. He was shutting me out again.

Me: Talk to me, please. I’m here to be with my mother. She needs me. How selfish can you be?

Nothing.

“Is that Jayden?” my mother asked, knowing full well who I was texting after day two.

“Yeah,” I said quickly, not wanting to add any more drama to the situation we were currently handling. My mother was still letting her emotions takeover, which I encouraged. She’d bottled them up for too long.

“I love the way you look at him. It’s so refreshing,” she murmured as she stirred a pot of chicken and dumplings.

“How do I look at him, Mom?” I asked, clinging to every positive thing I could in regards to my marriage.

She turned to look at me curiously. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Really nothing I wasn’t expecting,” I offered quickly, mixing the biscuits for her to drop in the boiling pot by the spoonful.

“With marriage, don’t expect anything. That way you’ll be surprised by everything.” She winked. “But this isn’t a good thing, is it?” I shook my head no.

“You ever hear the saying that the perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other?”

“No.”

“Now you have,” she said with a chuckle. “You two will be fine. You know how I’m sure?”

I looked up at her with glossy eyes, trying my best to believe her.

“Because of the way you look at your husband.”

****

I fought through the workday the next day, trying not to call him. I was originally going to go home last night, but was still furious about his inability to answer me. If I wanted things to work, I couldn’t go home ready to blow up. Pride would have to be wiped away in lieu of unconditional love. That was my biggest lesson to learn, and I was still having trouble swallowing it.

The truth was simple: I had to prove my love to him by sticking around. But in the meantime, I could come back to my marriage by being the woman he proposed to. And that night, I had every intention of being the doting wife.

I walked through our front door with groceries in hand and smiled when I saw Jayden on the couch. Trip began leaping in front of me and knocked a bag out of my hand.

“Damn it, Trip. Chill out,” I bitched as I hit the floor, pulling the groceries back to me to put them in the bag. “Don’t help or anything, babe. I’ve got this,” I said, laughing as Trip laid a wet one across my jaw.

Still on my knees, I looked up to meet Jayden’s eyes. He was staring off into space as I addressed him again. “Hey, babe. Earth to Jayden. Wife, horny dog, groceries...help,” I chuckled as he sat perfectly still.

“Jayden?” I questioned, feeling a sudden and horrible nagging pain in my chest. I listened for a second and realized there was no music playing. There were no candles lit and the apartment was a total mess. Papers were scattered all around him and he had all of his coffee mugs on the table. “What’s wrong?”

His eyes slowly turned to me, completely out of focus. “Jayden, baby, what’s wrong?”

He opened his mouth to speak and when nothing came out his eyes watered. I raced to his side. “What is it? Tell me, please. You are scaring me.”

“Something’s wrong,” he said in a deep slur. “Something’s wrong call...help.”

Without hesitation, I ran and grabbed my cell from the purse.

“Who, baby? Who? Dr. Sawyer?” Panic shot through my every nerve and suddenly everything was heavy. My legs, my arms, all of it seemed to stop obeying my command. Dread coursed through me with his next words.

“No,” he said as his face crumbled and tears streamed down his cheeks. Jayden’s mouth opened again as if he were trying to scream, but no sound came out. A small amount of spittle accompanied his next words. “Help.”

“Oh, God, baby, what did you do!?”

I dialed 911 as I watched Jayden fall apart in front of my eyes. When the operator answered, I was in full panic mode. “Please help me! I think my husband may have overdosed on medication.” The shrieking voice coming out of me was not my own. “Jayden, what did you take?” I begged as he spaced out again. Shaking him back into reality, he looked back at me but might as well have been a million miles away.

I looked down at the scattered papers and saw every single one started with my name.

“Miss, are you there?” My welling eyes lifted to my husband, who was completely lost. I’d never felt so much pain as I had in that moment.

“Lithium?” I asked, thinking of the only medication I could remember.

Jayden nodded and his face twisted again as if he were in pain. He picked up his hand as if he wanted to grip the top of his head but couldn’t get it there. I grabbed it and held it to my chest. “Jayden,” I whispered hoarsely as he tried to focus on me.

“Ma’am, are you there?” I heard the operator ask in the distance. “Ma’am, keep him as alert as possible. Try not to let him fall asleep.”

“He took lithium,” I told her. “He took lithium.”

“Okay, get the bottle and present it to the medics when they arrive. Just hang on. They are four minutes out. I take it this is a new medication?”

Looking at Jayden’s vacant eyes, my strength wavered. “He just started,” I sobbed. “He just started for me,” I admitted as my love tried to close his eyes. “Stay awake,” I shook him hard. “Stay awake.”

“I’m sorry,” he slurred as he looked at me before blankly averting his eyes to Trip.

The next hour was a blur of activity as the medics came in to check his pulse, and take inventory of his medications, before they rolled him out of our apartment. The ride in the ambulance and then the wait outside of the ER while he was worked on was complete agony as I thought about the last text I sent to him. I’d called him selfish, only to realize too late that his choice to medicate was the epitome of selflessness. He loved me enough to do the one thing he swore he would never do.

I called Dr. Sawyer and he insisted that he would come, keeping me on the phone until I was relatively calm. At some point, I called Gerri, who joined me in the waiting room, and must have called my mother because less than an hour after we entered the hospital she was sitting next to me, holding my hand.

“He’ll be okay, sweetheart. He will,” she said, gripping my hand tightly in hers. “Someone needs to call Mallory. Let her know what’s going on,” I asked between a breath and a prayer.

“She’s on her way,” Gerri said, handing me my phone and purse and then gripping me to her tightly. “He’s going to be okay. I know it.” She pulled away from me to look into my eyes with a reassuring nod. And that’s when I broke. All of my frustration, my worry, and everything else I’d kept to myself, came out in a flood while holding Gerri. She pulled me to her tightly as I let out my grief as she reminded me she was my rock. “I love you,” I whispered as she cried with me.

I caught a glimpse of Dr. Sawyer as he strode down the hall towards us and waved him our way.

“We don’t know anything yet,” I said tearfully. Just as he was about to speak, I heard  “Mrs. Monroe?” I met the doctor as he came into the waiting room. He held up his hand, sensing my oncoming barrage of questions.

“He’s having a strong and uncommon response to the lithium he’s ingested and we think it has to do with him being severely dehydrated. The strength of the medication has slowed his motor functions to an alarming rate. It’s not an over dosage, but it’s definitely left him incapacitated for the time being. We are going to keep him tonight to monitor him and will do a complete evaluation once he’s slept most of it off.”

“So he’ll be okay?” I asked, completely floored.

“All of his vitals are fine. We can determine more when he’s fully alert. He said he’s just started the medication.”

“Yes. I’m his therapist. I prescribed it to him,” I heard Dr. Sawyer speak up behind me. “He’s taken it in the past and had a similar reaction, becoming extremely lethargic the first week, but has never responded like this.”

I reeled on Dr. Sawyer in shock. “When did he decide to do this?”

Dr. Sawyer looked at me. “Yesterday.”

“Why?” I shouted at him. “Why did he do this?” But I already knew the answer. I felt my mother’s hands on my back, letting me know she was there. I looked up to the ER doctor as he spoke. “He needs time to flush the amount he’s taken and let it filter through his system. We are pushing it out of him, but it will take a few hours. We will monitor him closely.”

“Can I see him?”

“Of course, but only one person at a time.” I pulled away from my mother’s grasp, leaving everyone behind as I heard my mother introduce herself to Dr. Sawyer. I didn’t have time for pleasantries, and truth be told, I was pissed at the doctor. But only because I refused to direct my frustration toward my husband—a husband who had decided to try again with a medication he hated, for me.

Self-loathing ran a close second to the panic I was still feeling from not being able to rouse Jayden. My body was sore from the tension as I walked into the room where he was sleeping peacefully.