Текст книги "Captured Love"

Автор книги: Juliana Haygert

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Текущая страница: 13 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

As if hearing my thoughts, Ryan didn’t waste time. He grabbed a condom from the nightstand and crawled over me. His mouth found mine, and he kissed me. His lips molded to mine, fitting perfectly. God, it was so good, I could kiss him forever.

He pulled back and ripped the foil package. Feeling bold, I caught the condom from him—he arched a brow at me—and I rolled it over him, drawing a sharp inhale from him.

His lips tugged up and he lay over me again, his eyes never leaving mine. Slowly, he slid inside me and I gasped, shocked and amazed at how much he filled me, how good it was. And he hadn’t even started moving yet.

Ryan lowering his head to my neck, and then buried himself deep inside me before he stopped. With a grunt, he nipped my neck. This stillness, this fullness, this heat, all of it was killing me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I rolled my hips. With another grunt, Ryan took the hint and started moving.

He dragged his lips up my neck and jaw, until they were back to my mouth. He kissed me as slowly and deeply as he moved, and it felt like hell and heaven rolled into one. Torture and pleasure, and a sense that I would explode and die at any second.

But I wanted more. I wanted so much more. I wanted everything from him.

I bit his lower lip and dug my nails into his hard ass, pushing him against me.

He pulled back and raised an eyebrow at me, a wicked glint in his hazel eyes. “What do you want?” he rasped, his voice heavy.

To tease me, he slowed even more. I groaned.

“Say it,” he commanded.

Then he stopped moving all together.

“What the hell?” I cried.

He chuckled. “Tell me what you want.”

Oh, I wouldn’t tell him; I would show him.

With a wicked grin, I pushed him back and flipped us around. His back hit the mattress and I straddled him, lowering myself to take him in as deep as humanly possible.

He hissed, his eyes traveling up my body. “I think I like this view.”

“This is what I want,” I whispered.

Then I started moving, up and down, up and down, as hard and fast as I could. His hands clutched my waist and he held on to me, cursing under his breath. After a few moments, he lifted his hips, joining me in this sweet torture.

I leaned over him, changing the friction a little, and Ryan reached up, cupping my breasts. He squeezed, pinched, and teased. Too many feelings and emotions swirled in my chest, in my stomach, in my legs … everywhere. My blood was boiling, and I knew I wouldn’t last much longer. By the way Ryan clutched me, his concentration at every stroke and touch, I knew it wouldn’t be long for him too.

God, this was something else. Our first time had been awkward, at least for me. And a little painful. I remembered feeling sore the next morning, knowing it would pass when Ryan and I had sex again. But that never happened.

After him, I had two one-night stands, then Gavin—but it wasn’t the same. The feeling wasn’t there. I didn’t really like them. I had just been looking for a quick release and nothing else.

This—here with Ryan, in his bed, with his hands all over me and his eyes filled with desire—was different. This was perfect. This was too much.

I was about to let go when Ryan withdrew his hands from my body and knotted them behind his head. “Time to admire the view again,” he said.

I wanted to enjoy the view too. My eyes traveled his taut arms, the muscles even more prominent in this position—damn, he was so, so hot—until I spotted a tattoo on the underside of his triceps. My mouth fell open and I stopped moving.

It was a “J” surrounded by roses forming a stylized heart.

Could it—? Was it—?

Before I could process what I saw and ask him about it, Ryan sat up, circled his arms around me, and rolled us over again.

He pressed his body to mine. “My turn again.”

This time, though, he didn’t go slowly. Oh no. He thrust into me even harder and faster than when I was on top, and to torture me more, he slid a hand between us and rolled my clit between his fingers.

This was it. Ryan was the one I always wanted, and the one I could—would—never have.

Yet, here we were.

Surrendering. Relishing. Possessing. Drowning in each other. One last time.

The perfect closure.

Stars burst behind my eyelids, and my body shook uncontrollably. Six seconds later, Ryan’s quavering body lay limp over mine.

As our aftershocks withered, he kissed me again. Slow and deep this time. And maybe it was just me, but I could feel it through his lips, through his tongue, and in his gentle touch. The caring. The longing. The satisfaction.

With a smile, Ryan broke the kiss. “Be right back,” he said.

He rolled off me and I instantly grew cold, missing the contact of his warm skin. He stood and marched to the bathroom. I couldn’t help but gawk at his exuberant form, my body instantly heating up again, even though my mind was on the verge of a freak out.

I tried compartmentalizing what had happened, but it was too much. My mind wanted to analyze it instead. It was as if my brain had downloaded too much information and couldn’t process it all at once. Although, instead of information, it was emotion. Pure emotion.

Satisfaction. Shock. Lust. Sadness. Happiness. Longing. Love.

Love.

My throat closed up and I fought back tears.

Rachel was right. I still loved him.

In less than thirty seconds, Ryan exited the bathroom, and I closed my eyes, pretending I was sleeping.

It was easier than facing him.

Chapter Twenty-Two

 

Ryan

Jessica’s scent enveloped me and I smiled, still half-asleep. I rolled to my side, reaching for her, but found her side of the bed empty.

“Jess?” I called, propping myself on my elbows and looking around my loft. She was nowhere to be seen. I glanced at the bathroom door; it was open. I sat up and looked around, where I remembered I tossed her shoes, her dress, and her panties. There was nothing of hers in my apartment. “Shit.”

I bolted from my bed and found my phone on the coffee table in front of the couch. It was already past noon, and there were no messages, no calls. Damn it.

I grabbed my T-shirt from the floor, intent on shoving it on and driving to her house, but I caught a whiff of cigar and alcohol from it. Even though I didn’t smoke and rarely drank, every time I went out, my clothes smelled as if I had slept in the gutter.

Shit. I undressed on the way to the bathroom and took a quick shower. I found a pair of clean jeans and a black T-shirt on my dresser, shoved on my boots, and ran out of the apartment. I knew about their Saturday family lunch, but I was hoping that at 1:15 p.m., most of them were already gone. Right.

As I suspected, Luke’s bike was in the driveway between his mother’s Honda and a rental car I had never seen before. I parked my Mustang in front of the driveway and raced to the front door.

I rang the bell and knocked.

A few seconds later, Jason opened the door. “Hey, man, where’s the fire?”

“Where’s your sister?” I asked.

Frowning, he stood in the doorway. “What happened?”

“J-man, you’re like a brother to me, but please, don’t fuck with me now. Where’s Jessica?”

“What’s going on?” Jessica asked, coming down the stairs.

Jason stepped aside. “Ryan is here.”

I fixed my eyes on hers. “We need to talk.”

Someone came down the stairs behind her. A man. A man I didn’t know. He halted beside Jessica, his shoulder touching hers. Her face paled.

“Everything okay, babe?” the guy asked.

Babe? Babe? I clenched my fists as anger seeped into me. “Who the hell is this guy?”

Jason stepped out of the house and placed a hand on my arm, probably noticing the rage in me.

“His name is Gavin. He’s a friend from Cleveland.”

“I’m her boyfriend,” he said, smiling.

Shit, I would break his teeth.

Jessica snapped her head to him. “You’re not my boyfriend.”

The guy’s face fell. “But—”

“What’s with the commotion?” Luke emerged from the kitchen. He looked from me to Gavin and back to me. “Oh shit.”

In five large strides, he was by my side, positioned like Jason in case I snapped, which I was about to.

“Jessica?” I called her. She looked at me, still pale. “Talk to me.”

“You better go, Ryan. We can talk later.”

I took a step forward, and both Jason and Luke tensed, their hands ready to grasp me. “Like hell. We’re gonna talk now. You can’t just crawl into a guy’s bed and then disappear like that.”

The guy gaped at Jessica and her face became beet red. The guy’s features hardened and his chest stuffed as he turned to me. “If you didn’t notice, my girlfriend doesn’t want to talk to you. Why don’t you go back to the hole you crawled from, huh?”

Oh no, he didn’t.

“Oh shit,” Jason muttered at the same time Luke said, “Damn it.”

Knowing they would stop me, I stepped back from Jason and Luke, ducked under their arms, and lunged at the guy, connecting my fist with his jaw. The guy staggered back. I was ready to punch him again, but Jason and Luke caught up with me, wound their hands around my arms, and pulled me back.

Jessica stepped in front of me, her eyes glassy, her face closed. “Get out, Ryan. Right now,” she said, her voice cutting through me like a dull knife.

I went slack. Jason and Luke dragged me out of the house, down the porch steps, and to the driveway. The front door closed, and I could hear yelling coming from inside.

Fuck. What had I done?

***

Jessica

From the living room window, I watched as Jason and Luke worked on damage control with Ryan. Jason tried taking the car keys from Ryan, but he evaded him, threatening to punch him too if he tried to take them away.

His shoulders sank, his head lowered, and Ryan dragged himself to his car. I hoped his rage didn’t blind him, and he drove to his apartment safely. God, I hoped he was driving to his apartment, and not some bar to get wasted.

Ryan peeled away from the curb, the tires of his Mustang squealing. Luke mounted his bike and went after him. Jason jogged back to the house. He came in, sparing me a look that told me what I already knew. He was also going after Ryan. He raced upstairs, probably to get his bike’s keys from his bedroom, and ten seconds later, climbed down the stairs, three steps at a time. Without a word, he left, pulling the door closed behind him.

A groan woke me from my stupor.

I turned and found Gavin leaning against a bookshelf, his hand on his face.

“Shit,” I muttered. Of all days for him to show up, to surprise me with his “wonderful presence”—as he put it. He had arrived only thirty minutes before Ryan, and I had just taken him to my bedroom so we could have privacy when I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t into him and that we would never hook up again.

“So,” he croaked. “Are you going to explain what that guy was talking about?”

Not if I could help it. “I’m gonna get you some ice.” I started for the kitchen, limping with my twisted ankle, but Gavin grabbed my arm.

“Jessica, what’s going on?”

I sighed. All right, if he wanted to do this now, then we would do this now. “Gavin, remember I told you before I left that we weren’t a couple anymore. In fact, we were never a couple. We hooked up a few times; that was it.”

“I came here to prove to you we can be more.” He gestured to himself. “See? I’m here because I missed you. I care about you, and I want you to see I’m here for you.”

I shook my head. “Please, Gavin, don’t make this harder than it has to be. I don’t want a boyfriend, and I don’t want to hook up anymore.”

“Give me a chance, babe.”

“Don’t call me babe. I hate it.”

“Okay, then I’ll call you love.”

“Gavin, please …”

He pushed away from the bookshelf. “In a week or so, you’ll be going back in Cleveland and we can start anew. We can go out on a few dates and—”

“Gavin, I don’t want that.” God, I felt like the bad guy, but he gave me no choice. “Look, it was nice spending time with you, but I don’t like you. I’m not attracted to you, not as I thought I could be. I don’t want to start anew. I don’t want dates. I don’t want anything.”

“But—”

“No, Gavin. You shouldn’t have come.” I sighed, feeling tears coming. “I’m sorry you wasted time and money coming down here, but please, go back to Cleveland and forget about me.”

“Jessica, you can’t be serious.”

I crossed my arms and raised my chin, willing myself to remain calm. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

His face fell. “I … but … I don’t understand. The moments we had, they were great.”

“They were good, not great.” I winced. Damn, the bitch award went to me after all. “I don’t want to go out with you anymore. I’m sorry.”

He took a long breath and nodded. “I’m sorry too.”

Slowly, he walked to the door. He paused there before opening it and looked at me, as if waiting for me to stop him, to tell him I was joking and that he could stay. That I liked him. Poor guy. Finally, after a long moment, he opened the door and left.

I let out a long breath and a couple of tears rolled down. They weren’t for Gavin per se, but because of how bitchy I had to act so he would understand. Mostly the tears were because of the previous night. Making love to Ryan—a grown-up, hot as hell Ryan—had been wonderful. The perfect closure for our crazy, bittersweet story.

Why then was I hurting as if my heart had broken all over again?

***

I couldn’t sleep that night. After tossing and turning for hours, I finally gave up around 3 a.m.

Not sure what I was doing, I changed my PJs for jeans, a tee, and flats, grabbed my phone and my purse, and exited the house.

Thankfully, the truck was still in the driveway. It would be easier to leave without waking Mama or Jason, without needing to open the garage door. Not that I was trying to sneak out, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk.

Jason had come home late at night and let me have it.

“I can’t believe you were messing around with him,” he barked. “Didn’t he tell you what happened? This will send him spiraling out of control again!”

I shook my head, tears brimming in my eyes. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“If he does something, anything that results in him going back to jail, or even an extension of his parole, I swear, I’ll …” He pressed his lips together and clenched his fists. “I’ll never talk to you again.”

After his onslaught, Jason told me Ethan was with Ryan now. Then he shut up and shut me out.

In the silent night, I drove to the hospital. I knew it wasn’t exactly visiting hours, and I was ready to argue about it, but the nurse in charge recognized me and let me in without any explanation.

Carefully, I entered my papa’s room and, in the dark, sat in the chair beside his bed. He looked thinner and frailer every day, and the monitors beeping beside his bed sounded a little slower than before. An IV dripped heavy painkillers directly into his bloodstream.

It was hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he was dying, that in a few months or weeks, he wouldn’t be here anymore, that he wouldn’t be around. As much as I hated the fallout between us, he was still my father, and I didn’t want him to die.

I ran my fingers over the pale skin of his arm and rested my hand on his.

I had to get over the fact that he might never forgive me for—

“Jessica?” Papa asked, his voice just above a whisper.

I pulled back my hand and sat straighter. “Yes, Papa, it’s me.”

He glanced at the window. The drapes were closed, but a tiny crack let the moonlight seeped through.

“What time is it?” He pressed the button on the bed’s control and the mattress folded, sitting him up a little.

“Some time past 3:30 a.m., I think.”

He turned his eyes to me. “What are you doing here?”

“I … I couldn’t sleep, and I don’t know, I just drove here.” I sighed. I was leaving in a week, and finally, he was awake. It was now or never. “Papa, I know sometimes we don’t see eye to eye, but—”

“Ryan came to visit me the other day.”

I stilled. “W-what?”

“At first, I asked him to leave, called the nurses, but then he said you saved him. He said I had to know how. The nurses came to the room to take him out, but I told him to stay. I wasn’t sure why, but I wanted to hear him.”

“What did he say?”

“That you’re an amazing young woman, even more than when you were sixteen.” His voice was weak, but he didn’t stop. “He told me that you stayed by his side while he was working on his motorcycle, and even though you two didn’t talk, your presence was enough to calm him down. He told me about when the storm destroyed the Habitat for Humanity site, and you called in a bunch of people and organized everything to have them help rebuild the homes. Because of that help, the time to fix all the damage was cut to less than half. He also told me you took him to see the guy he injured in the accident, that he’s practically one hundred percent, as if he had never been a paraplegic.” He paused for a long breath. “And Ryan told me that you called John and that you may have gotten him into the circuit again. He said that even though he had hurt you, you had taken the high road and helped him through his problem. That those were characteristics of a decent, kind girl.” One corner of his lips curved up. “I confess it was a nice surprise, to hear how grown-up and kind my daughter became.”

My eyes teared. “Papa …”

“When I remember that day, anger swarms me, but it isn’t only because of what you did, or what Ryan did to you. After a while, that anger grew and turned toward myself. I hated myself for exploding that way, in front of all those people, for slapping you. I’m not sure I would do anything differently, if I could go back in time, because of the way I am, but I do regret it.” He reached over and took my hand. I could feel him trying to squeeze my fingers, but his grip was too light. “I’m sorry, Jessica. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have acted that way, and I should have gone after you when you left and brought you home. Home with your family, who loves you no matter what.”

A tear rolled down my cheek. “I’m sorry too, Papa.”

“It’s okay.” He took another long breath. “I just want you to know I love you and I’m proud of you.”

I stifled a sob. “I love you too.”

He patted my hand and withdrew his arm. “Home with family,” he repeated, closing his eyes.

“Papa?” I asked, worrying about his condition. He didn’t answer, but I could see the slow up and down of his chest and the steady beeping of his heart monitor.

Well, I knew he was sleeping a lot, but still, his outburst had surprised me. I hadn’t expected him to wake up, let alone give me a long speech.

I sank in the chair as a couple of tears fell.

The fact that Ryan had come here and talked to Papa about me boggled my mind. Why would he do that? Did he think he had to repay me for the things I did for him? I had told him it wasn’t out of pity, and it certainly wasn’t because I wanted something in return. I had acted the way I thought was right, the way it made me feel better. Still, I was glad he had come and practically defended my honor. If it wasn’t for his visit, my father might still not have forgiven me, and I wouldn’t feel like a boulder had been lifted from my chest.

I took a deep breath. It was nice, this light, free feeling. The only thing that could make this moment better was if a doctor walked in and told me Papa was miraculously cured.

Chapter Twenty-Three

 

Ryan

I wrapped my tie around my neck and stood in front of the mirror. Black suit, black tie, black shoes, and a white shirt. I didn’t remember the last time I had worn one of these.

I was working at Habitat for Humanity last evening when Luke called me to let me know.

“Paul died this afternoon,” he said.

Pain cut through my chest, not for the man I barely knew, but for his daughter, for his son, and for his wife. I called Jason right away. He answered, but said no more than two or three words. I almost went over to their house last night, but Luke assured me they needed some time on their own.

Finally, I got the tie knot right and closed my suit jacket as a rap came from the door.

“Come in,” I yelled.

Ethan opened the door. “Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” I grabbed my phone and wallet from the kitchen counter and headed to the door with him.

We didn’t speak much as I drove us to the church. The place was packed. Probably the whole town had come to pay their respects to the man who slapped his daughter in public and made her run away. I shook that thought from my head. Yes, I had hated the man, but he was still Jason’s and Jessica’s father, and the fact that sweet, kind Corinne loved him must count for something.

It took a long time, but we reached the front of the church, where the family was gathered. Seated between her children, Corinne looked dazed, as if she had taken something strong to calm her down. Acting like a macho, Jason fought the tears in his eyes, and Jessica clutched her mother’s hand, her glassy eyes fixed on the coffin. Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail and her skin was pale. It was obvious she hadn’t slept the previous night. The three of them probably didn’t.

Ethan and I halted in front of them. Jason stood and we hugged. I patted his back and he patted mine.

“I’m so sorry, man,” I whispered.

He nodded, before stepping back and turning to Ethan. I thought I would pay my respects to Corinne next, but Jessica stood instead.

“She’s out of it,” she said, her voice low.

For half a second, I considered shaking her hand, but then I saw the sad glint in her eyes and lost it. I wound my arm around her waist and pulled her to me. Her arms knotted around my neck as she rested her face on my shoulder. I ran a hand up and down her back as she cried.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” I whispered. “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”

She stepped back and wiped her tears. “Thank you.” She kissed my cheek, her soft lips lingering on my skin, and the urge to pull her to me again was almost too hard to contain. I wanted to console her, to support her, to stand there and hold her—if she would allow me.

Then she turned to Ethan and hugged him.

I couldn’t help but notice her arms went loosely around his shoulders, and that she didn’t bury her head in his shoulder or cry. She also didn’t kiss his cheek.

Ethan nudged me and I finally moved. Walking down the side aisle to the back, we saw Luke, Lindsey, and their mother. My sister, Brianna, was with Lindsey. A few pews back, we saw Sophie and Rachel.

Ethan and I found a spot in the back as the ceremony began. I hated these things. They were too gloomy, too sad. And it was so much worse when Jason stood and went to the front to talk about his father. His voice broke several times. I thought maybe Jessica would speak too, but she didn’t. Neither did Corinne. Understandable in her state. A few more people spoke—work colleagues, cousins, and friends.

After the ceremony, we all walked the grounds where the reverend spoke a few more words before lowering the coffin into the ground. That was when Corinne broke down and Jason had to take her in his arms. Jessica looked worried about her mother, but Rachel and Sophie were beside her, holding her up.

If it depended on me, the day would be done, but no. Close friends and family moved from the cemetery to the Hayeses’ house.

When Ethan and I arrived, Corinne was on the couch being checked by a doctor, and Jessica was seated at her mother’s side, talking to the doctor. Across the room, Jason had a glass of whiskey in his hand.

Cadence, Luke’s mother, ran around the living room, making sure everyone was okay, and Lindsey helped her.

I felt like I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I never liked Paul, not after he hit Jessica in front of half of the town. He didn’t deserve my respect, but I wasn’t here for him. I was here for my best friend and for his sister—the girl I loved.

Loved.

That realization hit me hard in the chest, and I gasped. It was ridiculous really, because the feeling had been there all the time. It only intensified when she came back and then even more when she started spending time with me. And the other night … I blew out a breath and ran a hand through my hair. Shit, I loved her. With all my heart and soul. And this time, I needed her to know that.

Maybe now wasn’t the right time to talk to her about us, but I could at least be by her side, like a strong pillar, to support and care for her.

Leaning against a wall outside the kitchen, I had a good view of the entire first floor, but I didn’t see her anywhere.

“Take this to Jessica,” Cadence said in the kitchen, handing a small tray with a teacup and a plate of cookies to Lindsey. “She hasn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon as far as I know.”

Carrying the tray, Lindsey exited the kitchen and scanned the living room, looking for her cousin.

Lindsey started walking toward the stairs, but I stepped in her way. “I can take this to Jessica.”

She stared at me with wide eyes, but didn’t protest as I took the tray from her and climbed the stairs. Jessica’s bedroom door was closed. I knocked once. Twice.

“Jess?”

No answer.

Slowly, just in case she was sleeping, I opened the door. Jessica was seated on her bed, her back against the headboard and her knees drawn to her chest. Her face was tilted to the open window.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. I looked around. Being inside her room again was surreal. It was exactly as I remembered, except for the lack of pictures. She had loved photos. They had been spread everywhere.

“What happened to the pictures?” I asked, approaching the bed.

She winced. “Let’s say I had a traumatic experience with pictures almost four years ago,” she said, her voice detached.

I placed the tray on her nightstand. “Your aunt sent this. She said you haven’t eaten since yesterday.” Jessica shrugged. I sat beside her, picked up the plate of cookies, and put it right under her nose. “You have to eat, Jess.”

She pushed the plate away. “I can’t. Nothing goes down. When I try to force it, it makes me sick.”

“Then the tea.”

She turned her face and finally looked at me. Her eyes were red as if she had been crying again. “What’s with the Care 101?”

My turn to shrug. “That’s just it. I care. That simple.” I picked up the teacup and offered it to her.

She wrinkled her nose, but lowered her legs and took the cup from me. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” I watched as she blew on the cup before taking a sip. Then she took one more. And another. I hoped that she would reach for the cookies soon. “How are you? I mean, I know the question is rather stupid, but seriously, how are you?”

She stared at the cup. “I’m … relieved that Papa and I were able to talk and come to an understanding before he died.” She lifted her eyes to mine. “I guess I have you to thank for that. He told me you visited him and talked to him. So … thank you.”

“He had to know how wonderful his daughter had become. It was the least I could do.”

Her pale cheeks gained a faint red tint. “Thanks.”

“Besides, you helped me out. I helped you out. That’s what we do for the people we love, right? Help out even when they don’t ask for it.”

Her eyes widened and her mouth hung open. “Ryan …”

“Because that’s why I did it, Jess. I talked to your father because I love you.” Shaking her head, she set the cup on her nightstand. “You can deny it all you want, but I know you feel the same. I saw it in your eyes. I felt it when we made love last weekend.” She stood, still shaking her head. “Why did you leave, Jess? Why weren’t you there in the morning when I woke up?”

“Because that was our perfect closure, Ryan. It was the perfect ending. Now we both can move on without being haunted by the past.”

I stood. “The perfect ending? We have one night of amazing sex, and love—because I know there was love involved—and you want it to end?”

“It has to,” she whispered.

I stilled. “Is it because of that guy? The one that was here last Saturday? Is he your boyfriend?”

“No, no. Gavin is … he was just a guy I used to hook up with.” I flinched, not happy to hear about her and other guys. “He’s nice, but too clingy. What we had was never serious, but he wanted it to be. He came down here to, as he said, prove to me that he cared and that I should give him a chance.”

“And? Are you giving him another chance?”

“No. I sent him away after you left.”

I walked around the bed and stood in front of her. “Then why, Jess? Why does our story have to end?”

“The most obvious reason? I live too far away. I can’t even consider a long-distance relationship.”

“So, you’re still leaving.”

“Yes. My classes started next week. I’m leaving this weekend.”

Ouch, that hurt more than I wanted to admit. “I don’t want to be that guy and ask you to stay—”

“Then don’t.”

“—but I have to. I love you too much to let you leave this time.”

“Ryan, please, don’t.”

“I swore to myself that if we could go back in time, I would never have let you go. I would have taken the next train or plane to Cleveland, showed up at your door, and explained everything to you, so you would forgive me and come home with me.” I took a step toward her. “I can’t let you leave, Jess.”

She retreated. “It’s not your choice.”

“But you love me. I know you do.”

“Love isn’t enough. I … I don’t know if I can trust you again, Ryan. You broke my heart. I can’t risk having you doing it again.”

“But you know now that I never cheated on you.”

“You let me believe you had cheated on me. For four years, I lived with that pain. I can’t erase it with a snap of my fingers. It’s not that simple.”

“Then let me prove it to you. Let me show you that you can trust me.”

“It’s too late, Ryan. My life isn’t here anymore. My home isn’t here. I’m leaving.”

I saw it in her eyes. The resolution along with the wall she had raised around her heart. A wall against me.

Defeated, I exhaled. “Is there anything I can say or do to change your mind?”

She shook her head. “No, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t try.”

I was drowning in pain, the same pain I felt the first time she left. Somehow, I had forgotten how to swim.

I dragged my feet to the door and paused there. “I’m sorry, Jess.”

“Me too,” she whispered.

Leaving my heart with her, I walked out of her bedroom.