Текст книги "Captured Love"

Автор книги: Juliana Haygert

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Текущая страница: 5 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Chapter Eight

 

Jessica

In my house’s driveway, Sophie leaned against Rachel’s Mazda and pressed her hands together. “Please, Jess, come with us.”

I fought a smile at her begging figure and shook my head. “No, and you shouldn’t be asking. You know why I won’t go.”

Rachel peeked out the window. “If you’re worried about a certain someone being there, don’t worry. He won’t be there.”

I frowned. They were talking about a bike event. Jason, Luke, and Ethan would be there even if they had to cross the ocean with their bikes. How did they know Ryan wouldn’t be there?

I leaned against the porch. “Why not?”

Rachel and Sophie exchanged a weird look. “He just won’t be, okay?” Sophie said. “We guarantee.”

“Please come,” Rachel insisted.

Even if he weren’t there, the memories would be too strong. Many, many things happened around those tracks.

Back then, on Saturday and Sunday, Ryan, Jason, Luke, and Ethan spent their afternoons at the tracks. Ryan and Luke were serious about it, wanting to follow what they said was their calling. Jason and Ethan loved it, but they knew they weren’t good enough to be successful in the racing world. That didn’t stop them from practicing and racing every now and then.

During the month Ryan and I were together, the girls and I had been at the tracks every minute the guys were there, and when Jason was busy, I sneaked behind the bleachers with Ryan.

Since we had started seeing each other, I knew he hadn’t dated any other girl. How could he when he spent every night with me? I wondered, though, how long he would wait for me, until I was ready to have sex with him. A month? Two months? I was sure that if I waited too long, he would dump me.

Another one of my worries was Jason—my brother and his best friend.

“The girls know about us,” I told him one afternoon. We were behind the bleachers while Jason and Luke had their practice run. He had me pinned against a wall, but when I spoke, he retreated a step.

“And?”

“They think it’s great since we’re all friends now and hang out together anyway.”

His posture visibly relaxed, and he reached for me again. “I think it’s great too,” he whispered, lowering his lips to mine.

“What about Jason?” I blurted out. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who pressured the guy to meet the family, but the thing was, he already knew my family, and since we were all going out together now, it was getting harder and harder to sneak around with him.

Ryan’s body stilled. “What about him?”

Somehow, Jason found out about our first kiss and had punched Ryan, warning him to stay away from me. But he didn’t, and we had been more careful after that. Nevertheless, I didn’t know how long we would be able to keep this up behind Jason’s back.

“When are you going to tell him?”

Letting out a long breath, he ran a hand through his hair. “Things are great the way they are, don’t you think?”

I did, but it bothered me a little how he was dismissive of letting others know about our relationship.

Once again, I realized that if I had noticed the signs, I could have stopped my heart from falling in love with Ryan. If I hadn’t fallen in love with him, my father and I would be okay, and I wouldn’t have run away. Right now, I would be studying architecture at Clemson or Charlotte. I would come home for every holiday and summer vacation. Rachel, Sophie, and I would still be close, and I would still love pictures and sketching people.

I sighed. “Sorry, I can’t.”

Sophie walked up to me, her eyes kind. “You know, I may be mistaken, but you need some closure. To put the past totally behind you.”

“There’s nothing to close,” I whispered. Unwanted tears burned my eyes. “There was never anything to close.”

She embraced me. “Oh, there was, and you know it.”

Rachel appeared by our side. “I agree. You need to find a way to say goodbye to the past. Maybe going to the tracks will be it. Maybe riding a bike with Luke or Jason.” She shrugged. “I’m not sure what would do the trick. I think only you will know, but I think you need closure.”

Jesus, what was with these girls? They wanted to kill me. Closure meant thinking about the past, reliving it, and I so wasn’t ready for it. In fact, I knew I would never be. Despite the few memories pushing their way to my mind here and there, I just wanted to forget the past.

“I’ll think about it,” I lied.

“Good.” Sophie embraced me again.

Then it was Rachel’s turn. “Call if you need to talk.”

“I will,” I lied again. I hated lying to them. Even though I still loved them, we had grown apart. Things would never be the same. “Have fun,” I called as they dashed to the car.

I waved as the car drove away, then turned on my heels and stormed into the house in search of some honey. I needed a sweets overdose.

***

Ryan

Every two weeks, I had to work at the Habitat for Humanity on Saturdays. I had many, many hours to put in, and if I didn’t work a couple of Saturdays here and there, I would have to keep at this for many more months.

I sighed, examining the alignment of the doorframe I was installing.

Why did I care so much about finishing my hours with Habitat for Humanity when I had no idea what I would do next? Who would hire me? With my fucked-up past, no one. Though, until I finished my hours, I wouldn’t be free. Not of my father at least. He would still pay for my rent, my bills, my food, and I would have to report to him every weekend, to show him I wasn’t getting out of line.

I had to finish this.

But then what?

I reached for the door, leaning against a wall.

There was a time when I wasn’t so sure about my future, but someone was.

On a weeknight, Jessica had sneaked out of her house to go riding with me, as she often did. That day, though, I wasn’t feeling so great. I had had a big argument with my father.

“You’re nineteen,” my father started. “When are you going to grow up? Playing around with bikes isn’t going to pay your bills.”

I had heard that speech many, many times before. And I wasn’t the only one. I knew Jason also heard that same speech from his father.

As much as I fought it, my anger always built up, and instead of being quiet and just ignoring him, I engaged him. I retorted, I yelled, I kicked the air. That day though, he went as far as saying I was a big disappointment.

“Don’t worry,” I barked. “You still have Brianna and Tommy to keep you happy.”

I raced out of the house, slamming the door in the process, and went after Jess. For some reason, when I thought of her, my anger subsided a little.

So, instead of riding around aimlessly, that night I parked the bike alongside a field just out of town, took Jess’s hand, and after a hundred steps or so, plopped down on the grass.

With a wary smile, she lay down beside me, her shoulder and arm touching mine.

In silence, we watched the stars. Here, they were shinier than in town, prettier. Incredible how something so little could actually be so big, and be so many miles away. Incredible how big the universe was. Incredible how insignificant I was.

A flutter ran up my stomach. I tilted my head to the side and found Jessica turned to me, her elbow on the grass and her head propped on her hand. Her other hand drew circles on my stomach.

“Want to talk about it?” she asked, her voice low.

How the hell did she know something was wrong?

“Not really.”

She scooted closer and laid her head on my shoulder. “I’m here. When you want to talk.”

I slid an arm under her and pulled her body flush with mine. Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply, loving her wild rose scent. Her fingers shifted to my chest, making me shiver.

A beautiful night, with a beautiful girl. What else did I need in life?

I sighed. “Sometimes I wonder what I’ll do with my life.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t race forever.”

She tilted her head up and looked me in the eyes. “Why not?”

“Because …” I didn’t have a good answer.

“I don’t see why not. I mean, you’re really good at racing, and even if you don’t make it to the top, you can still work with bikes, can’t you? You love bikes. And you can fix them like no one else in this town.”

I let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Right. Because my father would love to see his son working in a bike shop, covered in grease all day.”

She shrugged, her shoulder digging into mine. “I understand wanting to please your parents—believe me, I know—but sometimes you have to follow your heart. Fixing bikes would be honest work, one that would put food on your table, clothes in your closet, and a roof over your head. Maybe a simple roof, but still a roof, which is more than a lot of people in this country have. Or would you rather be a fancy lawyer or doctor, driving a Ferrari, living in an empty mansion, and completely miserable?”

“I wouldn’t be completely miserable driving a Ferrari,” I joked. She poked her finger in my ribs. “Ouch!”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do.” I grabbed her waist and pulled her up so she was leaning over me. “When did you get so wise?”

She smiled, a naughty thing that twisted my insides. “Well, I’ve always been wise; you’re the one who never paid any attention to me.”

“I was a jerk,” I said, running my hands down her back. “But believe me, I’m paying attention now.”

I rolled us around so I was hovering over her, and stared down at her flushed face shining with the moonlight, her long hair fanned on the grass, her tight body under mine. She was so beautiful, so perfect.

I lowered my body and pressed against her as my mouth melded to hers.

“Hey,” Jason said, appearing from behind the door I had just installed and bringing me back to the present.

“Shit.” I took a step back, willing my heart to slow down.

“I scared you?” he asked, hiding a laugh. I groaned and picked up my jacket from the toolbox. “So, are you done here?”

I glanced at the clock on my phone. It was past seven in the evening. “Not sure. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

I grabbed my bandana from my jacket’s pocket and wiped my forehead with it. “What?”

“Luke, Ethan, and I are going to a race, and we want you to go with us.”

Shit. “You know my answer. When are you going to give up?”

He flashed me one of his big smiles. “Never.”

I walked past him. “You’re a prick.”

Jason shrugged. “No, I’m your friend.” He followed me out of the house, and we walked together to the parking lot. “Are you going to tell me what it’s going to take for you to at least go watch the race with us?”

As if I knew. Instead of answering him, I turned the interrogation around on him. “How are your classes?”

He nodded. “The usual tactic. Changing subjects. Unlike you, I’ll answer the question. Classes just started, but like any summer semester, they are harder.”

“And … how is your father?” I couldn’t care less about Paul, but I knew Jessica had come back because of him. Besides, Jason was my best friend. I didn’t wish for him to lose his father.

“The same. Sleep, sleep, sleep, eat, complain, sleep, sleep, sleep.”

We entered the parking lot and I turned to my car.

Jason followed me. “Seriously, man, you should come with us. It’ll be good for you.”

If he pushed this matter, I would end up punching him square on the nose. I opened my mouth to tell him to go to hell or something when his phone dinged.

He fished his phone from the pocket in his leather jacket. “It’s Luke. John arranged another race for him.”

Jealousy crawled through my insides. “That’s great,” I said through gritted teeth. I opened my car door. “Have a good time.” I slipped inside and closed the door before Jason could even say bye.

I peeled from the site and onto the road as jealousy and frustration ate me alive.

Chapter Nine

 

Jessica

After a quiet dinner with Mama, she retreated to her bedroom, with excuses of being too tired, but I knew she was also concerned. She had stopped by the hospital earlier to see Papa, and the nurse told her his day hadn’t been that good.

I cleaned the kitchen, and then joined Luna on the swing on the back porch.

It was still early, but I knew the bike show should be almost over, being replaced by a party, which could be right on the tracks or at a bar or club around town. My brother, my cousin, and my friends would be there. And I knew Ryan would be there too. Party was his last name. It had always been, even when I refused to see it.

Jesus. My mind kept coming back to him.

Perhaps the girls were right and I did need some closure, though I was sure we had meant nothing to him, which meant there was nothing to close. Still, I felt like I was tied to the past, too many ropes around me. I had to find a way to get free of them, one at a time. And I could start right now.

I dashed inside, picked up the truck keys, and peeked my head inside Mama’s bedroom. “I’m going out.”

“Good,” she said without looking up from the book she was reading, seated on her bed. “You should go out with your friends.”

I didn’t bother correcting her. “Yeah.”

“Have fun.” She smiled, sneaking a glance at me. “And be careful.”

“I will.” I closed her bedroom door, and went into mine.

I put on my flats, picked up a jacket and my purse, and halted before the mirror. My hair was a mess, and I wasn’t in the mood to apply any makeup. Not that it would matter since I wouldn’t be meeting anyone.

Luna trailed after me as I ran to the front door, but I didn’t let her leave. I needed to do this alone. Luna whined, but I didn’t fall for her trick. I locked the door and dashed to the car.

I drove to Lexington Square, the main park downtown, and the place where Ryan and I kissed for the first time. And many more times. This was the place where the magic had started, and where it ended. This is the place I last saw him before leaving town. This was the place everyone last saw me before I left.

I cut the engine of the truck in a parking space around the park.

The sun was setting. Its orange and reddish rays licked the graying sky, only a few clouds spoiling the beauty. It was a gorgeous view, which made me wonder, where was everyone? Oh yeah, at the bike show, silly me. Bike shows were always the main attraction whenever there was one.

I walked to the northern most point of the park, where a small circular plaza overlooked a fountain. I hid under the shadow of a tree around the circle and sat on the pavement, pulling my legs close.

I inhaled deeply, letting the air carry the memories to me. I needed to feel them, to see them, to swallow past them. But they hurt more than I remembered. They scorched their way into me, into my heart, and I gasped, fighting the tears.

I had been too young, too blind, too innocent. If I could, I would have skipped my teenage years. All of them. Nothing good happened until I went to live with my grandma. There, at my new high school, nobody knew me, nobody knew my past, and I was able to start over, to be someone else, someone stronger, wiser.

I wish I had been stronger and wiser before. Maybe then, things would have been different.

Did it really matter? I had already admitted to myself that I wouldn’t have done anything different, so why lie to myself? Yes, there were days I wanted to change the past, there were days I wanted to forget, but deep down I knew it didn’t matter. If I could go back in time, I would have done everything the same, down to my last mistake.

I just wished Ryan had done things differently. I wished my papa had done things differently too. Which was selfish. Ryan and Papa were guilty, but so was I.

Drowning in my thoughts, I startled when a car cut its lights in the parking spot behind the plaza. I didn’t notice it was dark already, and I didn’t even see it arriving.

Not in the mood to be found, by strangers or not, I squirmed closer to the tree, hoping the shadows would hide me.

The person skulked to the plaza, kicking some loose stones, hands buried inside jean pockets. I noticed, by the larger frame, it was a man, wearing a black baseball cap that covered his head. When he stepped into the plaza and looked at the fountain, I recognized that strong chin and that chiseled jaw.

My heart skipped a beat before hammering against my ribs.

Trying to be sneaky, I crawled backward, reaching for the tree trunk. I wanted to retreat, hide behind the tree, and tiptoe back to my car before he could even suspect he wasn’t alone in the plaza.

Instead, my foot rolled over a loose stone and I slipped, hitting my head and back hard on the cement ground. I let out a raw yelp and pressed my eyes shut as if the action would send the pain away.

“Jessica?” Ryan asked. The sound of his rushed footsteps approached me. His hands closed around my upper arms, and he pulled me to sit up. “What happened? Are you okay?”

I rubbed the back of my head. It hurt so much that it had to be bleeding, but when I spied my fingers, there wasn’t any blood on them. The world revolved around me, and I closed my eyes again.

“Jess, talk to me. Are you okay?”

I shook my head, but that rattled my brain loose inside my skull, and I cringed.

Ryan felt my head with gentle fingers. “It’s going to bruise, but it’s not that bad.”

Jesus, this was great. All I wanted was to avoid him, and here we were, together and alone in the square that held too many memories to count. On top of that, I wore simple attire, had no makeup on, had just made a fool of myself, and was now sprawled on the ground, unladylike.

Irritated and embarrassed, I grunted. “You say that because it’s not your head hurting.”

He chuckled and my eyes shot open, even with the pain it brought. His gaze met mine, and his grin died. His lips pressed together and his jaw ticked.

Realizing he was still holding me, Ryan jumped up and retreated a few steps. “What are you doing here?”

With the warmth of his hands gone, a cold trail swept over my skin. What the hell? It was over ninety degrees. At night!

“I could ask you the same thing.” I wanted to stand, but I didn’t think it was a good idea yet. So, I just crossed my legs and took a deep breath, willing the pain away. “This was the last place I thought I would see you. Actually, I was quite sure you would be at the motorcycle thing.”

He looked at the ground and shook his head. “I don’t go to bike shows.”

I frowned and that brought new pain to my head. “That’s what the girls said.”

Quietly, he turned to the fountain again, his gaze distant.

Even hurt, it was hard not to noticed he hadn’t changed that much. His face was still of a bad boy, his gaze was still breathtaking, and his body was still ripped.

But he had changed. He was more ripped now, evident in the way his green T-shirt hugged his torso and arms and exposed the muscles underneath. He had new tattoos on his lower arms and on his neck, and only God, and the women he slept with, knew where else. But he looked much more serious now, and sad.

Fighting the pain and the dizzy spell that overtook me, I stood. “What happened to you?”

He gave me a quick glance over his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“You’re different.”

He shrugged, his eyes on the water. “People change.”

Most people changed, but Ryan wasn’t one of them.

I should run away and stay as far away from him as I could, but something nagged at me, some heavy feeling expanded in my chest, and I knew something had happened to him, even if he was trying to pretend nothing had. And I wanted to know what that something was.

I took a step forward, standing beside him, but still several feet away. “So … why aren’t you at the bike show?”

He looked down again and sighed. “Don’t do this, Jessica. Don’t pretend you care when I know you don’t. And you know what?” He turned to me, his eyes hard and cruel. “I don’t want you to.”

I gasped, totally taken aback by the coldness of his stare. He had never, ever looked at me that way.

Before I could recover and snap at him, he spun around and marched toward his Mustang.

Ryan halted. “Shit,” he muttered.

I followed his gaze. To his right, a cop walked down the path to the plaza.

“Mr. Dawson,” the cop said, his hands in his pockets. “Do you know what time it is?”

Ryan grunted. “Yes.”

“Did you forget about your curfew?”

Curfew? What was he talking about?

“No, Officer Mike. I just got caught up.”

I took two steps to the side, so I could look at the cop, and found him staring at me with interest.

“Oh, I see,” the cop said. “Are you trying to get in trouble again?”

“No.” Ryan’s jaw and shoulders were hard.

“Then you should stay away from her,” the cop said.

“What?” I squealed.

“I know.” Ryan fished his car keys from his pockets. “It was an accident. She was here when I arrived and I was just leaving.”

“I see.” The cop glanced at me again, a frown between his brows. “Then I’ll escort you home.”

Without saying another word or looking back at me, Ryan continued to his car, the cop on his heels.

Ryan drove away, and the cop, in his police car, followed him down Main Street.

My knees wobbled, and I almost fell on the ground again.

What had just happened?

Without wasting time, I drove home, relieved to see Jason’s bike in the driveway.

I found him in the kitchen, eating a piece of apple pie, with Luna circling his legs, asking for some.

He smiled when he saw me. “Hey. Are you okay? I confess I panicked a little when I got home a few minutes ago and didn’t see the truck.”

“What happened to Ryan?” I blurted, and his eyes widened. “He doesn’t go to bike shows anymore, and I just saw a cop escort him home, talking about curfew.”

“Shit,” he whispered, setting the plate on the countertop.

“No, don’t shit me. If you don’t tell me, I’ll find out some other way.”

He took a deep breath. “Listen, Jess, I’m not sure I’m the one who should be talking about this. It’s his problem; it’s his thing. If you want to know so badly, I think you should ask him.”

I sat down at one of the kitchen chairs. “I kinda did.”

“And?”

I tapped my fingers on the table. “He was pretty mean. He told me not to pretend I care.”

Jason sat beside me, the shine in his eyes hesitant. “Do you care?”

I averted my eyes, not sure about the answer. “I hate him. I hate what he did to me. But I’m not a bad person, and I don’t wish anyone to go through what I did, or rot in hell, or whatever. Not even him.”

My brother patted my hand. “I’m sure he wishes you well too.”

I didn’t doubt him. After all, he was Ryan’s best friend, and I knew they told each other everything. But that wasn’t the real question. “Why? Why would he wish me well now? He certainly didn’t four years ago.”

“Almost four years ago,” Jason corrected me. “I can’t answer that either, Jess. I still think that, if you want answers, you gotta go straight to the source.”

He stood, and I stepped in his way before he could leave the kitchen.

“Hey, you’re my brother. You’re supposed to help me, to defend me. Something you didn’t do four years ago!”

The hurt that took over his expression tugged at my heart. Damn, if only I could take my words back.

He reached up and cupped my cheek. “Jess, we can’t change the past, and I’m sorry for that. You know I’m truly sorry. I’m not telling you his shit because it’s my way of helping you, defending you. Forget about it. But if you can’t, go ask him.”

“I can’t … I can’t just walk up to him and ask him whatever this is. He pushed me away, remember? I was—am—nothing to him. Why would he want me to tell me anything?”

“See, you know nothing about nothing. And that’s why I think you should go talk to him. You two need to put the past in the past. I think you’ll only be able to do it after talking and resolving your problems. Together.”

I gaped at him. “You’re crazy.” I was nothing to Ryan. Why would he need me to put his past behind him? What had he done? Slept with a demon? I couldn’t help him with that. I couldn’t help him with anything. “He probably didn’t spend one second thinking about me after I left.”

A sad smile took over my brother’s lips. “You’re so, so wrong, sis. And that’s all I’m gonna say. You want to know more, go talk to him.” He kissed my forehead. “Goodnight.”

He left the kitchen, and I sank down in the chair, tired, as if I had fought a battle.