Текст книги "Captured Love"
Автор книги: Juliana Haygert
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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 15 страниц)
Chapter Fifteen
Jessica
Who did he think he was marching to our table and acting like an overprotective bull? Poor Brianna. Her guy didn’t know where to hide now.
Noah shifted beside me. “So,” he started. “Do you want to dance?”
“Hmm.” I wanted to say no, but I didn’t want to be too direct. Damn, I hated being a jerk.
“Hey, girl!” Rachel’s voice came from behind me. I had never been so glad to see one of my friends before. She smiled at Noah. “Hi. I’m Rachel.”
Noah extended his hand to her, introducing himself to her.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Well, family dinner was boring, and I wasn’t in the mood to just crawl in bed and sleep. I remembered your message earlier today about coming here, so I decided to come too.”
“That’s great. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” She looked at the band on stage. “They aren’t bad.”
I laughed. “Not really.”
Noah stood from his chair. “I’ll be right back.” He walked away, and I let out a long breath.
Rachel took his place. “Who is that?”
“I don’t really know him.” I glanced over my shoulder. His head down, Noah was going to the bar, right beside where my brother, my cousin, and Ryan were. I met Ryan’s hard eyes and shivered. Was he watching me? I turned my gaze back to my friend. “He has been at Alan’s office a few times. I know he’s Ryan’s supervisor at Habitat for Humanity.”
“Oh.” She grabbed my beer from my hand and took a sip. “How ironic. Now the guy is hitting on you in front of Ryan.”
I shrugged. “I doubt Ryan cares.” As I said it, I wasn’t sure of my own words. He had acted like a big brother just now, but there had been more there. I had felt it. Or was it wishful thinking? Not that I wanted him to be jealous, but it would be nice to see him pay for what he had done.
She finished my beer. “I think he does.”
I was about to ask why she thought that, when Lindsey asked Rachel to take a picture of their whole group.
“Sure,” Rachel answered, taking Lindsey’s phone. Rachel and Phoebe also handed theirs to Rachel, asking the same thing. She passed one to me. “Help me here.”
I stared at the phone, as if it was catching fire. “Hm.”
“Please.” Rachel dropped one of the phones in my hand. “Just help me here.”
“But …”
“They aren’t taking pictures of you, Jess. Just aim and shoot, very simple. Don’t overthink this. Please.”
“Hey, we’re waiting here,” one of the girl’s friends shouted in a joking tone, but I flinched nonetheless.
“Come on,” Rachel whispered. “I know you can do it.”
With trembling hands, I turned the phone over and searched for the camera app. Even though I hadn’t taken a picture in almost four years, I still knew how to operate a camera. My heart sped as I lifted the phone in front of me. I focused on my task, thinking of it as if it were an assignment for class. Just get it over with. Don’t overthink it. My hands still shook as I pressed the snap button a couple of times and handed the phone back to its owner.
“Thanks,” Brianna said with a big smile.
I just nodded.
Rachel bumped my shoulder with hers. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“No, but …” I looked down at my hands. The tremor was almost gone.
What was wrong with me? Seriously. All this drama because of pictures. They were pictures, for goodness sake.
Rachel squeezed my hand briefly. With a small smile, I looked at her, but something else caught my eye. Someone else. A blonde walked past behind Rachel. Caryn. She wore a too tight red dress that barely covered her boobs and her ass, and hooker heels. Her lips were red and her eyes had too much eye shadow. She stared right at me, smiled, and winked. My blood boiled. What a bitch.
She kept on walking, like a drunk model on a wobbly catwalk, until she reached the bar. She squeezed between Ryan and Ethan—I didn’t know he was here—making sure her body brushed against Ryan’s.
Nausea rolled in my stomach.
I turned my face to the band, but I didn’t actually see the young guys on stage. All I saw was those damn pictures in that damn photo album.
“She’s such a bitch,” Rachel said.
“I know.”
I tried not looking back, but I guess I was a masochist. I wanted to suffer.
Still leaned on the bar, Caryn sipped a red drink. She was now facing Ryan, her pouting lips and her batting eyes turned to him. A mix of jealousy, disappointment, and rage swam inside me.
She reached to him and ran her fingers over his chest. With furrowed brows, Ryan snatched her hand and shoved it back at her. He said something to her through gritted teeth. She stared at him with wide eyes and a hanging jaw. Ryan took a shot from behind him, downed it, and then stepped away from Caryn.
He halted when his eyes met mine. The knot in his forehead deepened, and his lips pressed into a thin line. My cheeks burned, and I snapped my head back to the stage. Again, I didn’t actually see the band up there, but I pretended I did.
“Ryan can’t stand Caryn,” Rachel said. She bobbed her head to the beat of the song. “Since you left, she’s been trying to get together with him, but he simply shuns her. Sometimes, he’s even rude to her.”
I frowned at her. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I thought you would like to know that.”
“And why is that?”
“The way you were just looking at them. At Ryan. You can lie to my face all you want. I know the truth now.”
“The truth?”
“That you still like. … No, that you still love him.”
“W-what? That’s crazy.”
“See? You’re doing it again. Lying to my face. And the worst part? Your eyes, your voice, they betray you.”
“I’m not lying!”
She laughed. “I should get mad, but I won’t. You know why? Because I don’t think you’re actually aware of your feelings. You think you’re only mad at him, scarred by him, that what you feel is because you two have unresolved issues, but it’s more than that. You still love him.”
“You’re crazy,” I said. Wanted or not, Rachel put my mind to work. What if she was right? What if I wasn’t only mad at him and scarred about what he had done? What if I wasn’t just attracted to his beauty and his hot body? What if there was more? “I can’t be in love with him,” I muttered.
“Okay, before you give yourself a heart attack or an aneurysm, forget what I said. Sleep on it, and think about it tomorrow. Meanwhile, we’re going to have fun.” Rachel picked up my empty bottle from the table and tsked. “But first, I’m going to get us some drinks.”
She jumped off the stool and weaved to the bar.
Her words stayed with me though. You still love Ryan. That wasn’t true. That couldn’t be true. All I felt was sadness, anger, and a bit of lust. I mean, come on, the guy was hot. It was hard to look at him and not feel anything. But that was all. There was no love there, nothing. There couldn’t be.
Lindsey nudged me with her elbow. “Earth to Jessica?”
I shook my head and looked at her. “Yes?” Their friends—and the guys flirting with them—were gone. “Where’s everyone?”
“After my brother played the enraged ape, everyone got tense,” Brianna said. “It didn’t take long for them to leave.”
“Sorry,” I said.
She shrugged.
Rachel came back with two beer bottles. “What’s with all the gloomy faces?” She handed me a bottle. “Are y’all sulking?” Rachel grabbed my hand and pulled me off my chair. Then she reached for Lindsey.
“What are you doing?” Lindsey asked.
“No gloomy faces around here. We’re going to dance.” Rachel grabbed Brianna next. “We’re beautiful young women who are going to have a great time.”
At first, we were reluctant, but by the time we hit the dance floor, the band started playing a faster-paced ballad, and with Rachel’s excitement, and Lindsey and Brianna’s giggles, it was easy to get lost in the moment.
I danced, but it wasn’t like the old days. When I was young, I loved to dance. The dance floor was my second home. But since leaving Lexington, things had changed. I had changed. The events with Ryan changed me, and I was never the same carefree girl again.
Noticing my hesitation, Rachel bumped her hip on mine. “Where’s that fiery girl who nobody could make stop dancing?”
Good question. Where was she? Could I still be that girl? Could she just be dormant inside me and in need of awakening? I closed my eyes and let the song envelope me. The beat carried through my body, energizing my core. I took a deep breath and let go.
I raised my arms above my head and moved my hips and shuffled my feet like I hadn’t done in four years.
“That’s more like it!” Rachel winked.
The four of us danced the next two songs as if nobody was watching. Until I spun around and met Ryan’s eyes. Now sitting at our table, he stared at me and his whole being screamed tension. His arms were folded over his chest, his jaw popped every two seconds, and his eyes … oh, his eyes weren’t only rough. There was more to it, but I couldn’t name it, because once I named it, there was no going back.
I averted my eyes and turned back to the girls. My mojo was gone, but I didn’t stop dancing.
Several guys had gathered around us. Some were bold and tried dancing with us. Rachel and I kept the girls safe.
Hands landed on my hips, and I stepped forward and away. I whirled around, intent on lashing out at the drunk who dared touch me.
“Noah?” I asked.
He smiled at me. “Let’s dance.”
Hmm, hell no. “We’re trying to have a girls’ night out, Noah. Maybe another time.”
I started turning my back to him, but he grasped my elbow and pulled me against him. “Come on. Just one dance.” His breath reeked of alcohol.
I pushed against his shoulders. “I said no.”
His hand dug into my skin, hurting. “You can’t dance that way and—”
“Let her go.” Ryan’s voice was harsh, cold.
Noah glanced at him and shook his head. The guy was drunker than I first thought. “I called dibs on her, Ryan. Go find some other girl to take home.”
Ryan’s face reddened—pure rage. Pulling his arm back, he stepped toward Noah. “You sick bast—”
Jason, Luke, and Ethan appeared behind Ryan, their arms around his shoulders and waist.
“Whoa, whoa!” Noah swayed.
“Calm down, Ryan,” Jason said. His voice was even, but his eyes had murdered Noah at least three times already.
Ryan struggled against his friends.
“Ryan, you can’t fight,” Luke said.
Ethan squeezed between Ryan and Noah. “Remember. Only four months now. Four more months without trouble. You can do it.”
Whatever he meant didn’t seem to have an effect on Ryan. He thrashed to get rid of his friends, but the guys kept a good grip on him.
Noah kept on dancing beside me, totally oblivious.
Jason looked at me. “We have to take him home. I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but please, you should consider going home too.” His eyes shifted to Noah for a moment. “If you know what I mean.”
I nodded. The guys dragged Ryan back. He disappeared into the crowd, but not before his gaze met mine once more. His eyes shone with concern and rage.
When they were gone, I pulled the girls away from Noah. He was so drunk that he didn’t even noticed we weren’t around him, and he danced as if he were in a trance.
I tried letting it go again and losing myself to the music and the moment, but the spark was gone. I kept seeing Ryan’s eyes. The lust when I was dancing, then the rage when Noah hit on me.
A flutter made my heart beat faster. Had he been jealous? Why would he? But if not, then why would he act that way?
Other questions took hold of my mind. The guys insisted Ryan shouldn’t fight, and Ethan mentioned something about only four months. What the hell did that mean? I was going to ask Jason about it first thing tomorrow, even though I knew what he would say—that I had to ask Ryan. Well, I tried and he wasn’t saying anything. I had to find another way to find out what happened to him.
Not wanting to break the party, I stayed with the girls, but it was like only half of me was here. Rachel noticed right away, of course, but other than her knowing eyes, she said nothing.
***
Ryan
Jason followed me until I parked my car inside the garage and crossed the front door of my apartment. But once he drove away, I raced back to my car and drove to my parents’ house. At some point, Jessica would have to drop Brianna off, and my sister would finally hear what I had to say.
I leaned against my car and waited. My mind betrayed me and went back to the club. I closed my eyes and saw Jessica on the dance floor, her body moving with the beat, an inexplicable grace to her movements, her curves so sensual and inviting. No wonder drunk Noah hit on her. Rage rolled in my chest. Fuck, I had almost lost it back there. If it weren’t for Jason, Luke, and Ethan, I would have pummeled Noah, and then I would be in big trouble.
I shook my head. Everything was going so well. I was able to control my rage, to live one day at a time, one hour at a time, doing what I was told to do. I had been able to suck it up, to hide my feelings, to push them back. Until she came back and brought everything with her, every feeling, every regret.
The sound of an approaching car alerted me, and I opened my eyes. It was Jessica and Brianna. Lindsey wasn’t with them. Jessica must have dropped her cousin off first. It made sense, since my parents’ house was closer to hers than her cousin’s house.
She parked the truck in front of the driveway. Brianna leaned into her for a hug, and then slipped out the car.
“What you have to say, I don’t want to hear,” Brianna said. She walked in a wide arc around me.
I stepped in front of her, cutting her path. “You’re my little sister. If I want to say something, you’ll listen.”
“Ryan, it’s almost two in the morning. If you really need to be a jerk, can you do it tomorrow?”
She started walking again, but I grabbed her arm.
“You’re going to listen to me.”
“Hey,” Jessica called out. She was out of the truck and marching toward me with a big frown. “Let her go, Ryan.”
Brianna jerked her arm back and rushed inside the house. What was I doing? Grabbing my sister and barking at her? If my anger was this uncontrollable, it was because of her.
I glared at Jessica. “You have no right to come between my sister and me.”
“This is ridiculous, Ryan. She was talking to a friend; she only drank Sprite. I know because I checked every few minutes, and she danced with me. What’s so wrong about that?”
“She’s only sixteen.”
Her eyes widened. “If I remember correctly, that didn’t seem to matter four years ago.”
That was different. Wasn’t it? I didn’t know anymore. “Why do you keep bring the past up?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “When are you going to tell me what happened to you after I left?”
I opened my mouth to tell her to go to hell, but the words didn’t come out. I shut my mouth before I said something else I regretted.
She shook her head. “We can’t keep doing this, Ryan.”
“This what?”
“Walking on egg shells around each other. We’re only making ourselves more frustrated and angrier, and we’re putting stress on our friends. I already said this the other day. This is a small town, and I’ll be here for the next two months.”
I strode past her, toward my car. “And I’m gonna say what I told you the other day. It’s better if you stay away from me.”
When she spoke again, her voice was soft, as if she really cared. “What happened to you, Ryan? Tell me. I need to know.”
I whirled around and was surprised to see her only a couple of feet from me. “Why do you need to know?”
“Because … you don’t ride your bike anymore, and you have curfews, and you seem like you’re still carrying whatever bad thing happened on your shoulders, and it’s dragging you down.” She took a step forward, making us closer. I was aware of her body, and how I could extend my arm and touch her. “I’m not a bad person, Ryan. I might still hate you for what you did to me, and for a long time, I wanted you to suffer for it, but the truth is … I don’t like to see you hurting.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. Her blue eyes were fixed on mine, and I could see she was speaking the truth. She didn’t like to see me hurting. But … I had hurt her. She should be happy I was hurting.
A new feeling fought for space against the lust, the rage, and the frustration. A feeling I thought I had lost once she was gone. A feeling I hadn’t realized I had missed.
“Jessica—”
The front door flew open with a bang and Jessica jumped back.
With a thin robe over his pajamas, my father marched down the front steps, his harsh gaze on Jessica.
“What is she doing here?” He pointed a finger at her. “You can’t be here. You were a disgrace to my son.”
Jessica paled. “I …”
I clenched my fists. “Dad, you’re going too far.”
My father huffed. “Am I? Look at the mess you are. All because of her.” His words were laced with venom, and I could see Jessica becoming sicker by the second. “Leave, girl. Leave now. And you better stay away from my son. Do you hear me?”
“Dad! Stop it.” I stepped in front of Jessica. “You can’t talk to her like that.”
I was ready to defend her. I wasn’t exactly sure why, but it was too late. Jessica ran to her truck and peeled away from the curb as if the ground were on fire.
“Hear me, boy,” my father started. “If I see her near you again—”
“What, Dad, what? You’re gonna ground me?” It was hard to rein in all the rage swimming freely through me. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Everyone makes mistakes. Mine were a little bigger than the norm, and I’m paying for them. When are you gonna get over it?”
I didn’t wait for an answer. My instinct told me to bolt, so I turned my back on him and took firm steps to my car.
An immense will to race assaulted me. I needed to work off my anger, to waste it somehow. Thank goodness, it was too late for races, and most clubs in Columbia were closing.
Without anything else to do, I drove to my apartment and lay in my bed with a full glass of Coke, pretending it was blissful Jack.
Chapter Sixteen
Jessica
Sunday afternoon, Mama insisted we visited my father, even if he was sleeping.
“I don’t spend much time with him,” she said, and the guilt was clear in each of her words.
I had no excuses not to go. After all, I had come here because of him. However, Jason rattled something about visiting Dad yesterday and left the house before Mama could inflict guilt on him too.
Mama drove the truck, and as we passed familiar streets, I remembered last night. The way Ryan watched me, his tense body, his words. I didn’t understand him. One minute he was stomping over me like I was the last thing he wanted to see, then he was acting like a jealous boyfriend. And what about his father? I was a disgrace to Ryan? What happened to him was about me? My curiosity had skyrocketed now.
We arrived at the hospital, and the nurse at the nurse’s station smiled.
“I was about to call you, Corrine,” she said. “Your husband is awake.”
Mama beamed. “He is?”
I froze. He was? Oh damn.
She hurried her steps to Papa’s door, but she didn’t open it right away. She turned to me and rested a hand on my arm. “He’s crankier than before, and moody. Please, just … be patient with him. Are you ready?”
I nodded, but I wasn’t ready. I had no idea what to expect.
Mama pushed the door open, and I sucked in a sharp breath. Papa was lying in the same bed I had seen him in before, in the same room, but now he was awake, looking out the window. His face was pale and his brown eyes a little dull.
A pang ran through my heart.
Mama rushed to him. “Darling,” she whispered, taking his hand.
He turned his face to her and a small smile took over his thin lips. “Hi, Cor.”
She kissed his cheek. “I’m glad you’re awake. There’s someone here to see you.”
She stepped to the side and gestured to me. Papa’s smile faded, his dull eyes hardened, and his frail body stiffened.
I took a step toward his bed. “Hi, Papa.”
“What are you doing here?” he asked, his tone harsh, his voice weak.
“She came to see you, darling,” Mama said, playing referee. “Jess came all the day from Cleveland to see you.”
He spread his arms. “You saw me.”
A mix of feelings stirred within me and tears filled my eyes. His fragile state mixed with his words and body language hurt too much. I wanted to bolt, slam the door, and never come back. But one look at Mama, at her desperate, begging eyes, and I knew I had to try. For her, I would try.
“We should talk.”
Papa turned his face to the window and stared outside. “What is done is done. There’s nothing to talk about.”
I took a deep, calming breath. “It has been four years, Papa. Four years. That’s a long time. I’m different now. More mature, more responsible. If you give me the chance, you’ll see I’m okay and what happened is forgotten and in the past.”
He glanced at me. “Can you take your virtue back?”
Virtue? Who talked like that? Papa, that was who.
I sighed. “You know I can’t.”
He returned his gaze to the window. “Then there’s nothing to talk about.”
That was it. The calm I was trying to keep around my anger and frustration burst like a damn. “Seriously? You’re sick and I came all the way from Cleveland to somehow make peace with you, and you won’t give me five minutes of your time to properly talk to me?”
Papa closed his eyes.
“Darling,” Mama started, her voice quivering. “She’s trying. You should try to.”
He snapped his head in her direction, his anger now turned to her. “You’re going to defend her after all she did?”
All I did?
Hearing him, someone would think I had robbed a bank or killed a person. But all I had done was fall in love and give my heart to the guy I thought would take care of it. The fact that said guy couldn’t was another matter.
“Paul …”
“It’s okay, Mama.” I retreated to the door. “I should go.”
“No, hon.” Mama extended her hand as if I was close enough so she could hold me. “Don’t go.”
I opened the door. “I’ll see at home.” I stepped out and closed the door as Mama’s voice filled the room.
A tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it away furiously. I wouldn’t cry for him, because of him.
I took a deep breath and walked out of the hospital, feeling as if things had just gotten worse.
After a thirty-minute walk, I arrived home and sat at the back porch table with a bottle of honey and a plate of crackers. Luna sat on a chair beside me, and she whined every time I took a bite. I threw her some pieces of the crackers and a drop of honey.
When the crackers were gone, I opened the bottle of honey and poured it directly on my tongue. I only wished the sweetness of the honey could spread through me, through my life.
Mama had stayed at the hospital with Papa, and Jason hadn’t come back from wherever he went. At least he didn’t witness the argument.
I sighed. Seriously, why had I come? I didn’t want his forgiveness. I hadn’t done anything wrong, not really. I had fallen in love and had my heart broken. It was a normal thing for a sixteen-year-old, though I confess it hurt like hell and I didn’t wish it on anyone.
But to Papa, I should have lost my virginity only after my wedding, which would be when I was thirty-five. Or, at least after dating the same guy for five years.
By sleeping with Ryan when I was sixteen, I had shamed him. I had disgraced the family name. I was now impure and unworthy. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness. Not that I wanted it. I didn’t think I needed his forgiveness, but he was dying. Would he go and we wouldn’t set things right? Or half right?
I knew this would be hard. He would never understand; he would never see this through my eyes. So then, why was I here?
A black Mustang parked on the street beside our fence.
My heart skipped a beat, and then sped up when Ryan stepped out of the car. He opened the side door on the fence and entered the backyard.
Lune jumped off the chair and barked at him twice.
“Shhh,” I told her.
Ryan looked too handsome walking across the grass in a dark red T-shirt, jeans, and black boots. His face was solemn, but that didn’t lessen his beauty. In fact, maybe it even intensified it.
His eyes met mine and my throat went dry. He climbed up the few back porch steps and leaned against the rail beside the table.
“Hi,” he said as Luna sniffed his boots.
“Hey,” was all I could muster.
He glanced at the half-empty honey bottle and the empty plate on the table. “I see you still like honey.”
I gripped the arms of my chairs. “W-what are you doing here?”
Ryan crossed his arms. “We should talk.”
***
Ryan
I hadn’t seen Jessica this nervous in a long time. Not since she came back, that was for sure. The fact that she had downed half a bottle of honey was proof how much she was nervous, irritated, worried, or angry.
Well, I deserved all of those feelings. And more.
The problem was, I was a little nervous too. I didn’t like telling anyone about what happened, though most people in town knew about it. If it depended on me, Jessica would never know. She already hated me for that damn fishing trip; now she would hate me even more.
However, after the shit my father said to her last night, I couldn’t just not tell her. She had a right to know she wasn’t a disgrace to me. No. I was a disgrace to her.
“Are you going to tell me what happened after I left?”
I groaned. “I don’t really want to, but yes, I’ll tell you.”
She let out a long breath. “Okay.”
And that was it. The ball was in my court. How did I start telling her all the shit?
“I should probably begin with what happened between us.”
She shifted her weight as Luna settled at her feet. “I’m not sure that’s necessary.”
“It is.” I inhaled a deep breath, gathering strength. I glanced at her bedroom window. I must have scaled that wall at least ten times when we were together. “After you left, I lost it. You had left and I didn’t explain. I tried reaching you after you left, but your phone was gone and nobody knew your new number. Jason got your grandma’s phone number for me, and I called a few times. Your grandmother hung up on me.”
“What?”
“I guess she was also mad at me. Anyway, I guess I lost it. I began drinking, because it was better than remember the hurt in your eyes, and your father beating you up in the square.” She flinched. “I was fired from my job because I simply stopped going. My parents went crazy because I was never home, and whenever they found me, I was passed out on some curb. Jason, Luke, and Ethan tried helping me, but I didn’t really want help. That’s when Ethan’s uncle came to me, saying he had arranged a spot for me in a professional bike race. He believed I could make it big, if I sobered up and showed up on time. I was trying to, but the night before the race, Caryn showed up at my door, and I almost hit her. I pushed her so hard, she fell on the sidewalk and scraped both elbows. I was so angry and frustrated that I went to bed with a bottle of Jack.
“The next morning, I showed up for the race drunk. Ethan’s uncle gave me a shower, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t want me to drive drunk, but I sneaked past him and I went. I raced drunk.” I paused. This part was never easy. “I ended up causing an accident with three other racers. Two of them suffered minor injuries. I did too.” I pointed to the scars on my neck. The others on my back, she would never see. “But the other one, he got the brunt of it. My bike fell on him, smashing his back.” She pressed her hand over her mouth. “He ended up a paraplegic, and I ended up in a correctional facility.”
“No,” she whispered. “For how long?”
“Two years, eleven months, and twenty-seven days.”
I decided to skip the part where I got in trouble my first two months in jail because of my temper. I had to go back in front of the judge, and he ruled that I was to attend anger management classes. After a few of those classes, the councilor said Jessica was one of my triggers. He made me promise to stay away from her.
“I got out on parole. I can’t go more than forty miles out of town, I shouldn’t drink, I can’t ride my bike, and I have curfews on weekdays. Officer Mike follows me around everywhere, because he would love to see me fail. But I have only four more months or so, and then I’m free.”
“Why would he love to see you fail?”
I cringed. “I was a jerk to his sister.” She winced, certainly knowing what being a jerk really meant. “It was before we were toge—”
“You don’t have to explain.” She shifted her weight in her chair, making Luna stand and walk away. “And Habitat for Humanity?”
“Judge’s orders. I can quit that once my parole ends too.”
“That’s … wow. A lot to take in.” She fiddled with the hem of her tank top, but her blue eyes never left mine. “I’m sorry.”
I nodded. “Me too.” I pushed away from the rail. “Well, now you know. And please, ignore my father. He has become hard to deal with since everything went down. You know, he was never a fan of my choices, but since you left and the accident, he practically hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“Oh, he does.”
“I don’t think that’s true. I think he’s just worried about you. He wants you to finish your parole and be free. He must be worried I’m here since I caused everything.”
I stilled. “Jess, you didn’t cause anything. Yes, I was depressed, but I let myself go down that road. I did this to me. You understand that, right?” She didn’t say anything. “Right?”
She nodded, but I could see it in her eyes that she didn’t believe me. Shit.
“I’m really sorry,” she whispered. In slow motion, she stood and walked inside her house, closing the back door with a low click.
I stared at the door while Luna whined at my side, wanting to go in. “Sorry, girl. Can’t help you now.”
With one last glance at the door, I descended the stairs and crossed the yard.
I felt a little lighter for having told her the truth, but something else filled my chest. No, I can’t feel like that. Not now.
As if I had ever taken my own advice.
***
Jessica
I heard his car taking off from my bedroom window. The urge to peek was overwhelming, but I kept on taking my clothes from my closet and putting them in my bags.
A half plan formed in my mind—pack, check the internet to see if there was a train or a plane that went toward Cleveland soon, and leave. Hopefully, before Mama or Jason came home.
I closed the first suitcase and sat on my bed, a heavy ball dropping in my chest, making it hard to breathe.
Oh my God. Ryan had gone to jail because of me, he was on parole because of me, and his father hated me and took it out on him. Look at all the shit I had caused.
