Текст книги "Captured Love"

Автор книги: Juliana Haygert

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Текущая страница: 11 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Chapter Nineteen

 

Jessica

Mama spent Sunday at the hospital. She called me two or three times to tell me Papa was awake. I had to give her some credit for trying.

The guilt in me only increased. In four weeks, I would be gone and I wasn’t making any progress with Papa. I wasn’t even trying.

At least I was making some progress. Not with Papa, but with someone I had cared about deeply. Spending time with Ryan wasn’t exactly how I had imagined my stay here, but I was glad he was opening up to me. If only I could take his guilt and throw it to the wind, to be scattered in the air and never again found.

Ryan almost ruined the closure we were building by trying to kiss me yesterday. After that, he acted strange and stayed in a corner with the guys. He didn’t even utter another word to me all night. I hoped nothing had changed. I needed to know nothing had changed.

Late afternoon, Luke and Ethan came over to the house and quickly convinced Jason to go for a ride.

“Wait,” I said as they were leaving through the front door. “Any of you have a spare bike? A working spare bike?”

“I do,” Luke said. “Why?”

“Do you mind if I take it out for a ride?”

Luke glanced at Jason, who shrugged. “If you think you can handle it.”

“I may not have ridden in a few years, but I think I can handle it.”

“Come on, then.” Luke beckoned me to follow him. “I’ll take you to my house and give you the keys.”

Luke had a second-hand dirt bike. It looked old and dirty.

“This is it?” I asked.

“It’s what I have. Take it or leave it?”

“I’ll take it.”

He handed me the keys. “Want me to take you for a spin to make sure you still know how to ride it?”

I chuckled. “I’ll be fine.”

He raised an eyebrow. “All right. Just … if you break it, you pay for it.”

I saluted him like a soldier. “Yes, sir.”

Laughing, he mounted his other, newer bike and left with my brother and Ethan.

“Okay,” I whispered to myself. “Let’s do this.”

I hopped on the bike and turned the key. The engine sputtered and came to life. I wondered if it would take me as far as the corner. Just one way to find out.

I accelerated and the bike jerked to life. The weight of the bike surprised me—I wasn’t used to it anymore—and it tilted left, almost taking me down with it. After three more tries, I got the hang of it and finally rode out to the street.

Sanity wasn’t my best friend right now.

I drove to Ryan’s building. His car was outside, but the garage was closed. Gathering courage, I parked the bike and climbed the flight of stairs to his apartment. Cursing myself for being this stupid, I knocked on the door.

A full minute went by, so I knocked again, a little harder.

Another minute went by. That was it. I wasn’t knocking again.

I turned to leave when the door opened.

“Jess?” Ryan said.

I whirled back to him and my breath caught.

Ryan stood under the doorframe, wearing only a dark red towel around his waist. His wet hair framed the sharp angles of his gorgeous face. Droplets of water glistened on his golden skin, rolling down his naked, taut chest, and abdomen.

Oh. My. God. The man had gotten a lot more ripped than I first thought.

I forced my eyes to his and I was sure he caught me checking him out. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

“I was in the shower, sorry,” he said.

“Oh,” was all I said. So lame.

“Come in.” He opened the door wide and stepped back. “I’ll … I’ll get dressed. Be right back.”

He walked across the living room and disappeared behind another door.

I stepped inside and looked around. The rooms were close together and had no walls separating them. Sofa, TV stand, TV and video games to one side, kitchen with a high counter and a small table with two chairs on another, and in the back, a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, a clothes rack, and the door Ryan had gone through, which I was assuming was the bathroom.

I stood between the living room and the kitchen, waiting while he got dressed and desperately trying not to imagine as that towel fell on the floor and …

Snap out of it, Jessica.

I couldn’t … I wouldn’t fall into this again.

After a couple of minutes, Ryan exited the bathroom, and I wouldn’t confess this out loud, but I was kind of disappointed he wasn’t bare chested anymore. However, the fitted green T-shirt and jeans looked good on him.

He took three steps forward me and halted. “Sorry again. I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

“That’s okay.” I noticed he was wearing a nice T-shirt and jeans. At this time of the evening, if I were going to be home alone, I would have put on a ragged shirt and yoga pants, or even pajamas. “Am I interrupting something? I mean, are you leaving? Do you have plans? Should I leave?”

He smiled. “Jess. No, I don’t have plans and I’m not going anywhere.”

This time, I smiled. “Well, since you don’t have plans, I was hoping to take you somewhere.”

“What? Where?”

“Just … put some shoes on and come with me,” I said. He narrowed his eyes at me, as if doubting my insanity. That just made my smile wider. “Come on. Trust me.”

Shaking his head, he retreated to his bedroom, from where he caught black boots from under the bed.

After putting them on and grabbing his wallet from the nightstand, he stood. “So, where to?”

***

Ryan

“Luke’s dirt bike. Really?”

She watched me with wary eyes. “Yup.”

I put my hand inside my pockets. “Jess, I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“I’ll be driving. You just have to sit there and enjoy the ride.”

“Are you sure you can still drive?”

“I drove from Luke’s house to here, didn’t I?”

“That might have been luck.”

She chuckled. “Come on, Ryan.” She lost the smile and took my hand. “I know you miss it, and I want to do this for you. Trust me.”

A huge part of me didn’t want to do this. I hadn’t ridden a bike in almost four years, and I sure didn’t think starting now would be wise. But a small, strong part of me was dying to hop on the bike and go with Jess wherever she wanted to take me.

Knowing this wasn’t entirely a good idea, I nodded and sat behind her.

The engine roared to life, a little less ferocious than I remembered, and Jess drove into the street like a pro.

Okay. Another benefit of riding a bike with Jess: feeling her body close to mine. I had forgotten how great this felt. My thighs pressed against hers, and even though I didn’t really need to, I rested my hands on her waist, and glued my chest to her back.

I pushed her hair to the side so it didn’t whip in my face and inhaled deeply. Her perfume had changed. I remembered it smelled like wild roses, and now it was honeysuckle. I would miss the wild roses, but honeysuckle went well with her. Besides, it wasn’t only the perfume. The mix of her and the perfume was what made her scent perfect.

I closed my eyes and let the wind, the sun, and her scent envelope me.

I didn’t pay attention to where Jess was taking us, and after thirty minutes riding along back roads, I didn’t think she knew where she was going either. Still, this right here was perfect. A bike, a road, Jess, and me. Too perfect to be true.

She took us into town and to Gibson Pond Park. She stopped the bike a few feet from the water, but we didn’t get off. We stayed seated on the bike, watching as the sun descended, tinting the water with its orange rays.

Once more, the perfection of the moment hit me. Quickly followed by a reminder that this couldn’t go farther, that this couldn’t last.

She had a boyfriend after all.

I dropped my hands from her waist and leaned back, trying to get some distance from her so I could think clearly.

“I had forgotten how beautiful it is out here,” she said, her voice low and simple.

If only the rest of my life was simple. “What are we doing, Jess?”

“Watching the sunset?”

“No, I mean us. Why did you come to my garage and stay with me while I worked? Why did you want to take me riding? What are you trying to do?”

She let out a long breath. “I want us to heal.”

“To heal?”

She pulled her leg over the bike and sat sideways, her eyes falling on mine. “Yes. We need to heal. To let go of the past. To find some closure.”

Let go of the past. Closure. I got off the bike.

“So you’re playing pity party with me so when you get back to Cleveland, you feel better about yourself?”

Her eyes widened. “What? No!”

“Then why bother? You’re leaving soon. You like torturing people?”

“Ryan, what are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” I turned my back on her and started walking down one of the trails.

“Ryan?” she called. I heard her fast footfalls as she ran after me. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going for a walk,” I said, not stopping.

She fell into step with me. “Right now?”

“Yes. I’m walking home.”

“But—”

I stopped and glared at her. “I’m walking home, Jessica. You should take the bike back to Luke.” My tone was harsher than I intended.

She flinched and muttered, “Okay.”

Shoulders sagged, she dragged her feet back to the bike, but I didn’t stay to watch. I resumed my walk, hoping that with each step, a little more of the heavy fog would lift from my mind. I had to regain control over my thoughts. Thinking about Jess, wanting her to spend time with me, thinking about going back to riding and racing, all of these were dreams, dreams that should be buried in the black abyss in my mind, where they had been locked for so long.

Alas, all it took for them to rush back and send a flutter of hope through me was for Jessica to give me her attention.

Fuck, how I liked her attention. How I yearned for it. What I wouldn’t do for more of it.

I shook my head and focused on locking out all the dreams. It would hurt, hurt so much it would make the first time seemed like a tickle to my soul, but I couldn’t wait for Jessica to leave.

***

After a shitty night, Monday was a shitty day. I worked hard, grunting and cursing. At one point, Noah stopped by and stared at me with big, suspicious eyes.

“What did the wall do to you?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I barked.

“Doesn’t look like it,” Noah said. “You’re punishing the damn thing.” I glared at him, a murderous look, I was sure. He shifted his weight and looked at the sky through the window. “The hurricane should hit Charleston tomorrow, and then come into the state. I hope it loses enough strength before hitting town. Otherwise, it might mess up all our work.”

I glanced out the window. A blue sky greeted me, but that didn’t mean anything. The storm could come out of anywhere, with its strong, violent winds. Much like my mood.

The only one able to calm me down was Jessica.

After that night under the stars, when I first told her about my future, I started opening up more.

A week or so after, I parked my car a block from her house, but didn’t come up because I was so upset, so messed up, I was afraid I would pick a fight with her because I wanted to unload on someone, anyone.

I didn’t even know why I had driven to her house. No, wait, I knew. Because I missed her. Even after having spent the previous night with her, I already missed her. But it wouldn’t be fair. She didn’t deserve to see me this way.

I sighed and turned on the engine of the Mustang. It would be the first night in three weeks that I wouldn’t be sleeping in her bed with her, and it would hurt like hell. I was shifting the gear to first when I saw the side gate of her house’s fence opening. She spotted my car two houses away and ran toward me, a smile on her beautiful face.

My heart tightened.

Still smiling, she got in the passenger seat, but her smile died once she looked at me up close. She reached to me and rested her hand on my arm. “What happened?”

Two words. A simple question. A sweet, caring voice behind them.

A lump formed in my throat, and all of a sudden, I couldn’t speak. I tried understanding what was happening, but I couldn’t really process it. I was pissed off out of my mind, and as soon as she batted her beautiful eyelashes at me, I turned to mush, wanting nothing more than to bury my face in her neck, breathe in her wild roses scent, and forget everything.

And that was exactly what I did. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close. “That’s okay,” she whispered in my ear. “Everything will be okay. I’m here and I’ll take care of you.”

Later, she was able to coax me out of my car, and we cuddled in her bed. I didn’t tell her about my fight with my father, about his harsh words, and the way that shame, guilt, and rage swam inside me. I didn’t need to. She knew it and she knew I wasn’t ready to talk about it.

She also knew that her hands caressing my back up and down, her body pressing against mine, her throat humming a nonsense song, and her lips pecking lightly at my face were the best remedy of all.

“Hey, Ryan.” Noah snapped his fingers in front of my face.

I shook away the haunting memories. “Yeah?”

My boss stared at me, his brows furrowed. “I was saying maybe you should go on your break now, before, you know—” He gestured to the wall in front of us. “—you tear the house down.”

I opened my mouth to tell him to go fuck himself, but closed it again, my jaw tight. The guy was right. I needed a break. I took my bandana from the back pocket of my jeans and wiped my forehead.

“Fine,” I snarled, walking past him.

I halted beside my car with no idea where to go or what to do during my break.

Then, something slipped in my mind. Luke was probably at the tracks, training. I hadn’t been there in four years, but for some odd reason, I wanted to go there now. Just to sit there and watch him. I hoped that no other bittersweet memory would creep in on me during the rest of the day.

I slid inside my Mustang and braced myself to see one of my best friends living my dream.

Chapter Twenty

 

Jessica

When I woke up Thursday morning, Mama was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, Luna circling her, asking for food, but what surprised me was seeing Jason up. He was already dressed as if he had an appointment that early.

“What’s going on?” I asked, sitting across the table from him.

He didn’t raise his eyes from his laptop. “Did you look out the window?”

“Nooo.” I stood, walked to the door, opened it, and gasped. “Oh my …”

The yard was a mess. The storm had pluck out bushes and flowers. The tree house had lost several boards. A part of the fence was broken, and another part was leaning as if it would fall at any moment. The swing on the porch had fallen from its hinges, and the table was upturned.

I stepped out and looked at the street. Fallen signs and trees. The houses around the neighborhood looked just like ours.

“Wow.” I closed the door and sat back down as Mama brought pancakes to the table. “I heard the wind before falling sleep, but I could swear it wasn’t that bad.”

“It was,” Mama said, returning to the range. “I woke up around three in the morning when a branch struck a window in the living room.”

I poured coffee in my mug. “The window is broken?”

“Yes,” Jason answered, handing a piece of pancake to Luna. She settled at his feet, probably expecting more food. “The entire city is in chaos.” He turned his laptop so I could see what he was reading. The browser was opened on the local town news and the headlines didn’t sound great. Several parts of the town were without power. Schools, local shops, and restaurants were so damaged that they were closed. One neighborhood across town had been hit the worst of all, and most of the houses had their roofs damaged when a tree had fallen.

I reached over and opened one of the articles. “Oh no …”

“What?” Jason tilted his head to the laptop and read the article with me.

But Mama was now working on some dough and couldn’t read it. “What is it?

“The Habitat for Humanity site,” I said. “The houses are gone. Most of them are flat on the ground because of the windstorm.”

Standing, Jason fished his phone from his pocket and went outside to call someone. I could guess who it was. Luna shifted her attention to me. I browsed the other articles and ate my breakfast, giving a piece to Luna here and there, pretending I wasn’t interested in Jason’s conversation.

When my brother sat back at the table, I was dying to ask him what he and Ryan had talked about. Instead, I shoved pancakes in my mouth, even though I was already full.

Thank goodness, Jason didn’t torture me too much.

“Ryan is at the site right now,” he said. “The supervisor estimated that to make up for what they lost, Ryan and the rest of the crew will have to work until sunset every day, including weekends, for the next two months.”

“That sucks,” I whispered.

Mama opened the oven and checked on whatever was in there. “If only they had more helping hands.”

It was as if a lightbulb had turned on inside my head. “We can help.”

Jason stared at me. “What?”

“Look around. Our damage is nothing. We can clear the yard and fix the fence and the window in a day. Tomorrow, we can go to the Habitat for Humanity site and help them. We can take our friends, and invite our neighbors.”

“Do you have any idea how to build a house?”

“No, but I don’t need to build the entire house. I can help with little things. Besides, as far as I know, most of the people who work on these community service projects are volunteers. They also didn’t know how to build houses when they started.”

“Jess is right,” Mama said. She was now standing behind me. “We might not be able to do much, but any extra pair of hands helps.”

Jason looked from Mama to me, a little wariness in his eyes. “All right. Tell me about your plan.”

***

Ryan

I sat beside my Harley and sipped my Coke. I wanted to drink a beer, but I was too tired, and knowing I would have to be up early in the morning, I didn’t want to get a hangover. It was the first evening in six days that Noah had let us out earlier.

I planned on going to bed early, until Jason showed up at the garage.

“Hey, man,” he said.

“What are you up to?”

“Nothing much.” His expression was closed, as if something was bothering him.

“What happened?”

“Well.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I have something to show you.”

I stood. “Okay.”

“Not here. Come on.” He walked out of the garage and headed to his bike.

“Hmm, dude, I’m not going with you on that bike.”

Jason leaned against my car. “Drive, then.”

I grunted. “Does this have to be now? Today?”

“Yup.”

Letting out a lot of expletives under my breath, I grabbed my car keys and closed the garage door.

I slid in my car and turned on the ignition. “Though Officer Mike is being a little more lax because I’m working at the site until late, my curfew probably stands tonight.”

Jason looked at his cell phone. “So we have two hours. That should be enough.”

“Where to?”

“St. Anna’s Park in Columbia.”

“A park? Seriously, J-man, what do you want to show me?”

Jason stared ahead. “Just drive.”

The drive from Lexington to Columbia didn’t last long, but the tension and silence in my car bothered me.

I parked my car in a parking space across the street from the park, right behind a familiar truck. Jessica leaned against the truck, watching the basketball courts.

I glared at Jason. “What the hell?”

Without answering me, Jason slid out of my car and walked to his sister.

Swearing again, I exited my car and approached them. Jessica handed him the truck’s keys.

“He won’t leave me here,” she said to Jason. Then she looked at me. “Right?”

I just shrugged.

“Okay. My job here is done,” Jason said. He stopped by my side and clasped my shoulder. “Keep calm.”

Shit. “When you say stuff like that, I know I won’t be able to keep calm.”

He smiled and disappeared inside the truck. We watched as he drove away.

When he turned the corner and was gone, Jessica turned to me, her eyes sparkling with something like excitement. But about what?

“Come on.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the park.

“What’s going on?”

“I have something to show you.”

“I just heard that from your brother and I didn’t like it all that much.”

“Ouch.” Her eyes lost the happy shine.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s just—”

“Shut up, Ryan. Don’t ruin this.”

I groaned, wanting to shout, to ask, what this was.

At the park, one of the two basketball courts was occupied. Eight guys ran around the court, fighting for the ball. The few lights posts were turned on, but soon it would be too dark to play.

In silence, we watched the game for a few moments. My patience was running out, and my frustration was building.

“So, what do you want to show me?”

“Don’t you recognize anyone playing?”

I turned my attention back to the court and searched the faces. It was hard since the guys wouldn’t stop running, and the lights from the posts created odd shadows over them. Then one guy—average height, but bulky, with short blond hair, and a limping leg—turned to us and smiled at Jessica.

My heart stopped.

No. No. No.

Eyes wide, I looked at Jessica. “What the hell?”

She smiled at me. “Isn’t it wonderful? He’s better.”

I snapped my head back to the court and watched as the guy stole the ball from another, and after a short run, passed the ball to another teammate. The teammate scored and they high-fived. In seconds, the ball was rolling again, and the guy raced after the ball as if he hadn’t been in a terrible accident almost four years ago.

After my bike smashed him, Brody Matthews had been bound to a wheelchair. Only two years older than me, he had lost the feeling and movement in his legs. Doctors told him, and me, that he probably would never walk again.

And here he was. Running with a slight limp right in front of my eyes.

“How?”

Jessica closed her second hand over mine, cradling my fingers. “He’ll tell you.”

I stole a glance at her. “Why and how did you find him?”

“I don’t know. I wanted to help you.” I pulled my hand from hers, but she held on tight. “No, hear me out,” she continued. “I don’t pity you, Ryan. I really don’t. I care about you, even if sometimes I hate you. And as any caring friend, I want to help you. When I left the site Sunday night, something nagged at me. I got home and searched online for news about the accident and I quickly found Brody’s name. I searched for him and found out he had moved from Charlotte to here to be closer to his doctor, the one that helped him with this miracle. I called him, told him how the guilt was eating you, and he agreed to meet us here.”

This time, I freed my hand from hers. “You’re unbelievable.” She told him the guilt was eating me? She had no right!

“Ryan …”

The game had stopped and Brody walked to us. The limp was barely noticeable then.

“Ryan Dawson,” he said, his voice flat, just like the expression on his face. “I never thought I would see you again.”

“Likewise,” I said.

“Hi, Brody.” Jessica stepped in. “I’m Jessica.”

“Hello, Jessica, nice to meet you.” He shook her hand, his expression a little softer.

“Thanks for letting us come,” she said.

He nodded. I stared at him, totally at a loss for words. I had so many questions, so many doubts, but I wasn’t sure I was welcome to ask anything. After all, the guy probably hated me.

“I heard you spent quite some time in jail.” Brody broke the silence. “And you are now on parole.”

I nodded. “Parole and community service.”

“For how long?”

“Just three more months,” I said. “Man, I … I …” I didn’t know what to say. How to say it.

“It wasn’t easy, you know. I heard from several doctors that I would probably never walk again. A few told me, I might be able to stand and shuffle with a walker, if I worked hard. They might have mentioned a miracle too, but I was too deep in hatred then. I shrank into myself for months. The only thing I did was sit on the couch and eat. That, and snap at my family. I seriously thought my girlfriend, Diana, would leave me and my parents would send me away to one of those boarding-like clinics. Until one day, when Diana came home and showed me a documentary of a guy who had lost his legs in Iraq. He never gave up. He found a way to pull himself around the house, to do all the normal things a person does. Of course, he couldn’t go to work or ride a bike or run anymore. But if he could adapt, if he could evolve, so could I, you know. I found Dr. Morse here in Columbia. He loves challenges and he took me on right away. Shortly after I started working with him, I was standing. It took me only a couple of months to walk, and a couple more to run. A true miracle with a large side of hard work.”

“That’s wonderful,” Jess said.

“Yeah, I think so too. The hatred is gone. And hopefully, soon, this limp will be gone too.”

The guilt and shame overwhelmed me, and I blurted, “I’m so sorry, man. I know I said it before, though you didn’t want to hear it at the time, but I am. I’m truly sorry.”

Brody nodded. “I know.” He gestured to his legs. “And as you can see, I’m okay now. Not a hundred percent yet, but I’m getting there.”

“I’m glad.”

The guys on the court called him.

“I’m coming,” he shouted back. “I should get back to the game.” He patted me on the arm. “Just so you know, I forgave you a long time ago. I hope now you can forgive yourself.”

He strutted to the court and the game resumed.

I stared for a moment longer, not believing what had happened. I was afraid that if I moved, I would wake up in my bed and all this would have been a dream.

Jessica rested her hand on my back.

A new feeling exploded in my chest. Reason would tell me to suppress it, to ignore it, to shut it down, but reason was the last thing I was listening to now.

I turned to Jessica, wrapped my arms around her, pulled her to me, and crashed my mouth on hers. She didn’t resist. She didn’t fight back. Her lips parted, giving me access, and her arms wound around my neck. I kissed her slowly, savoring her taste, how well her mouth melded with mine, how her body seemed made to fit mine. Desire ran through my veins and I deepened the kiss, drawing a moan from her. Fuck, I had forgotten. I had forgotten how I could drown in her kisses, how I could immerse myself in her scent, in her touch. I had forgotten the good she did me, how she made me want to be a better man.

Wanting more of her, I slipped my hand under her top, eager to feel her skin.

Jessica jumped back. She stared at me, her eyes wide.

“Jess.” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I—”

“Just take me home,” she said.

She marched to my car and I followed. Fuck, what had I done? All the progress we had made, all the damn closure she wanted, all down the drain because I couldn’t control myself with her.

The twenty-five-minute drive back to Lexington was tenser than the ride with Jason. I peeked at her a few times, but she was staring out the window, lost in thought. Probably hating me for kissing her when she was taken. Damn, she had a boyfriend. I might want to tattoo that on my forehead so I wouldn’t forget anymore.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I stopped the car in front of her house. Immediately, she opened the door and stepped out. But before she could get completely out, I closed my hand around her wrist.

“Jess …” She glanced at me over shoulder, her eyes gleaming with wariness. Shit. “Thank you. For contacting Brody and taking me to see him.”

“You’re welcome,” she whispered.

Reluctantly, I let go of her arm and she exited the car. She rushed to the front door and didn’t look back once as she unlocked the door and entered her house.

I punched the wheel. Damn it. How would I fix this now?