Текст книги "Captured Love"

Автор книги: Juliana Haygert

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Текущая страница: 10 (всего у книги 15 страниц)

Not to mention my father. He wouldn’t forgive me; he said so himself.

Then why was I here? I had been asking myself this question since I first got here, but I never did anything about it. Well, now I was. Now I would do something about it.

I swallowed the tears and focused on my clothes.

The front door opened and closed.

“Shit,” I whispered. I rushed and closed my bedroom door, hoping whoever was here would think I was already asleep, even though it was still early.

Frozen in place, I waited and listened.

Heavy footsteps climbed the steps. Jason.

“Mama?” he called. “Jess?” He stopped by my door and waited, as if trying to listen for something. Slowly, he opened the door and spied inside. He smiled when he saw me standing beside the bed. “Hey, I thought you were sleeping.” Then his gaze shifted to the suitcases on my bed. With a big frown, he stepped into the room. “What—? Where are you going?”

Tears filled my eyes. “I’m going home.”

“Here’s home.”

I shook my head. “No, Jason, it isn’t. It hasn’t been since I left.”

“But … what changed your mind?”

A tear rolled down my cheek. “I shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

“Papa is dying. Of course you should be here.”

“I talked to him today. He doesn’t want me here. He’ll never forgive me.”

“I think the main question is, do you forgive him? Because to me, he’s the one that treated you badly.”

I gasped, looking at my brother as if I had never seen him. “So … you’re on my side?”

He smiled. “I was always on your side, sis. However, I do think you need to pretend to let him forgive you. You know, with the situation the way it is, I think he needs that before …” He dies. Yeah, I knew that. “Well, that was one try. You didn’t really think he would let his walls down that easily?”

“Well, he is dying, isn’t he?” I winced with the force of my words. Two seconds ago, Jason had avoided saying it, and here I was, throwing the words as if they meant nothing. I sighed. “If I were him, I would try to make peace with everything and everyone.”

My brother shook his head. “Papa isn’t like that. It won’t be easy to break him.”

Anger flared in me. “If he’s such a pain in the ass, why bother?”

“Because he’s your father!” He took a step toward me. “Come on, Jess. You were always strong. You never let Papa take you down this easy.”

“It wasn’t just Papa,” I said in a low voice. “It was Ryan too. He came over.”

“Oh. So he told you.”

“Yup. He did. Because of me, he got into an accident, he injured someone, he went to jail and has to attend anger management classes, and now he’s on parole. Oh, let’s not forget about his father and how he hates me now.”

He crossed the room and grabbed my shoulders. “No, Jess. It wasn’t your fault.”

I jerked away from him. “He said that too, but come on. How isn’t it my fault?”

“It isn’t!” Jason threw up his hand. “He was a big boy. He drank because he chose to; he went to that race because he chose to. It was his fault. He could have mourned you another way, but his choice, his alone, was the wrong one.”

“It doesn’t change anything. I shouldn’t have come and I’m gonna fix it.” I turned to my bag, but he pulled me back. “Let me go.”

“So that’s it. You’re just gonna run away. Like a coward. Again?”

His words hit hard and I inhaled a sharp breath. “Ouch.”

“Sorry,” he whispered before leaving my room.

I sank down on my bed.

He didn’t say he didn’t mean it though, and it was because he did mean it. And the truth was, he was right. It killed me to admit it, it choked me to think about it, but he was right. I was acting like a coward.

Chapter Seventeen

 

Ryan

This year, Fourth of July was on a Tuesday. As usual, I had dinner with my family at their house, and endured my father’s sharp words and my mother’s worry. In addition, like any other dinner, it was tense and awkward. Apparently, Tommy had gotten in some shit recently and now Dad was pissed at him too. Not that I wanted him to follow in my footsteps, but it felt good not being the only one not in my father’s good graces.

When I was little, we used to camp outside in the backyard. Mom decorated the porch, the fence, and a small tent. She also cooked a big chocolate cake for dessert, and Dad worked on his famous barbecue.

Later, when it was dark enough, we would light sparklers and Dad let off a couple of fireworks. It was a fun, happy time.

These day, we ate at the inside table, and as soon as dessert was finished, Tommy, Brianna, and I left.

From my parents’ house, I drove to a bridge outside of town to meet the guys. Here, we could see the fireworks in the distance. It was quiet and dark, making it a nice event.

Of course, the main event was actually about bringing more people and beer, and turning it into a party. Fortunately, I had come armed with several cans of Coke.

I stood at the edge of the bridge with Jason, Luke, and Ethan. We had seen Tommy arriving with his friends, then Brianna and Lindsey. Sophie and Rachel and some other girls were across the bridge. I had even seen Gabe around—a guy from North Carolina who usually raced with Luke. But I hadn’t seen Jessica.

By the time the fireworks show had finished, Ethan was gone, probably chasing after the girl he was flirting with. He barely talked about her, and if he had ever mentioned her name, I had already forgotten.

As Luke and Jason chatted about the next race, I leaned against the rail, looking at the stars. After that night under the stars with Jessica, the night she told me I could be anything I wanted to be, I never looked at the night sky the same way. It was like the stars and I shared a secret, as if the night sky knew something about me that no one else did.

Jason leaned on the rail beside me. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” I glanced over my shoulder. “Where’s Luke?”

“He went to the car to grab a bottle of whiskey.”

“Oh.” Maybe it was time for me to leave. Seeing the guys drinking whiskey while I had to hold back was probably a bad idea.

I looked around, trying to remember where I had parked my car.

“She didn’t come,” Jason said. He must have misinterpreted me and thought I was looking for his sister. “Rachel and Sophie stopped by the house and tried to convince her to come, but since you told her about your past, she’s been quiet. Well, quieter.”

I frowned. “Why?” He shrugged. “I didn’t tell her so she would feel bad about it. I told her because I realized she would find out one way or other. Better if it came from me.”

Jason nodded. “I know.” He tilted his head at me. “Are you okay?”

I chuckled—a sarcastic sound. “Never been better.”

With a hint of pity in his eyes, he placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “You know I’m here for you, man. Whatever the problem is.”

“I know, J-man.” I sighed. However, there was nothing to be done. My problem was with the past, and unfortunately, I couldn’t change it. Neither could I let it go.

Luke showed up with the whiskey bottle. “Dude, it took me a few minutes to find it. I thought I had forgotten it.”

I glanced at the bottle, then at Jason. Comprehension spread across his face.

“Luke, maybe we shouldn’t drink that tonight,” Jason said.

Luke’s face fell, but a second later, he nodded. “Right. Of course.”

“Nah, it’s okay.” I pushed against the rail. “I have to wake up early tomorrow, so I’m gonna go. But you guys should drink that whiskey and have a good time.”

“Ryan, you don’t need to go,” Jason started.

I shook my head. “No, I do.” I wasn’t kidding about waking up early. After all, I had to be at the Habitat for Humanity site at eight sharp. As much as I wanted to stay and drink—Coke—with them, I knew my mood wasn’t great for company. “See you guys soon.”

Jason and Luke smacked my shoulder as I walked past them. The party went on as I walked by. I smiled, but inwardly, I envied them. I still had a wild night here and there, but if I could help it, they happened rarely. Meanwhile, these people could drink and stay out all night long. They could have fun; they could enjoy themselves, guiltlessly.

With a long exhale, I slipped into my Mustang and pulled away before I gave in to temptation and joined them.

***

Jessica

The next two weeks went by in a blur. I immersed myself in my internship, working long hours that weren’t really needed. I left the house early in the morning, and came back for dinner. Jason tried to lure me to talk after the meal, but I retreated to my bedroom.

My mother called a few times, telling me that Papa was awake, but I refused to go. I knew I would have to face him again, but I wasn’t ready for that yet.

On Saturday, the girls camped at my house after family lunch.

“Come on, Jess,” Sophie said, seated on the swing on the back porch.

“It’s going to be fun,” Rachel said. She reached over the table and grabbed one of the caramel cookies Mama had put out for them. “We haven’t gone out just the three of us since you arrived.”

Sophie tsked. “Rach is right. You’ve been here for seven weeks, and we haven’t really been out yet.”

Rachel showed me a fake pout. “In another five weeks, you’ll be gone.”

Gosh, had it been that long already? Longing and despair filled my chest. The idea of going back home made me happy. I couldn’t wait to go back to Cleveland, enjoy my nights with grandma, go out with Kristin, and study architecture. But, at the same time, when I thought about leaving Rachel and Sophie and Mama and Jason and Lindsey and even Luke, my heart squeezed. It would be hard this time.

I shook my head. “I don’t know, girls. I’m really not in the mood.”

Rachel and Sophie exchanged a look.

“Okay, then,” Sophie said. “We’ll stay here. Have a girls’ night in.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Why not?” Rachel asked. “We already know this town and everyone in it. Nothing that we haven’t seen before will happen in one night. Besides, you’re not staying for long. We would rather spend time with you.”

“True that,” Sophie said.

Tears brimmed in my eyes. “You guys are the best.”

***

The girls stayed until four in the morning, and they only left because, according to our neighbors, we were making too much noise, which was true. We made chocolate popcorn, watched a tearjerker movie, and then sat on the back porch and talked—and laughed and yelled—for a long, long time.

“Thank goodness, Ryan told you about what happened,” Sophie said.

“Poor guy,” Rachel said. “He hasn’t been the same since you left.”

Slimy, thick guilt took over my heart. It hadn’t left me by Sunday evening or Monday morning, and it was because of that guilt that I called Mama in the afternoon and asked her to bake a special Devil’s Food cake. After work, I stopped by the house to retrieve it, and then drove back downtown.

I parked the truck behind the Mustang. As I expected, the garage was open and Ryan was leaning over the Harley in the same fashion he was a week ago. Damp hair, bare back, jeans, and boots.

I swallowed. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to come over after all. Before I could chicken out, Ryan turned around and saw me. His eyes widened at first, then narrowed into thin slits. He stood from his crouch as I opened the truck’s door and walked inside the garage.

“Hi,” I said, feeling incredibly lame.

“Hey.” He grabbed a towel from one of his toolboxes and wiped his hands.

“I-I brought you this.” I extended the cake toward him.

His eyebrows shot up. “Devil’s Food cake.”

“Yes. It used to be your favorite.”

“It still is.”

“Good.” Seeing as he wouldn’t take it from me, I stepped to the side, and left the cake on one of the worktables.

Ryan stared at me, his hazel eyes completely lost, and I returned the stare. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but I wouldn’t back down. I would be here for him, even if he didn’t want me to.

I sat down on a stool next to his bike. “So, why haven’t you finished this one yet?”

He picked up the black shirt over one of the toolboxes, hiding his incredible physique, then crouched between the bike and me. “I did spend quite some time away.”

Damn, couldn’t I have touched a lighter subject? “Sorry,” I whispered.

Ignoring my apology, he continued, “Besides, I like working on it. If I finish too fast, I’ll have to find another one to play with.” My gaze shifted to the other bike, to his racing bike, destroyed against the wall. “I didn’t fix that one after the accident. It’s a good reminder of how stupid I can be.”

“Sorry,” I said again.

He shot me a hard stare. “Stop apologizing, Jessica.” He looked like he would have said more if it wasn’t for the loud dings coming from my cell phone, one right after the one. His cold eyes fixed on my phone. “Looks like someone wants to talk to you.”

I fished my phone from my pocket and looked at the screen as three more dings filled the tense air. As I suspected, the messages were from Gavin. Without reading the messages, I pocketed my phone.

“He can wait.”

His brows knotted, and I thought Ryan would shut down again or snap at me. Instead, he pointed to the toolbox behind me. “Hand me that wrench.”

There were at least six different wrenches in the toolbox. I picked up a random one. “This one?”

“The one on the left side of that one.” The corner of his lips tugged up.

I handed him the right wrench. “Is this funny?”

“A little.” He turned his attention to the bike.

It was at the same time odd and comforting to be here with Ryan, this close to him, while he worked. We spent most of the two hours I stayed in silence, and when I left, I felt like the weight on my shoulders had lessened by a pound or two.

Chapter Eighteen

 

Jessica

“Do you think we got enough beer?” Sophie asked, pushing the cart with two packs of thirty-six cans of beer through the aisle. There were also two whiskeys and few wine bottles.

I snorted. “If they drink half of that, I’ll be worried.”

Behind us, Rachel pushed another cart with the food. Hot dogs, hamburgers, sausages, steak strips, potatoes, carrots, and a lot more.

Her parents were out of town, and they had allowed her to have us over for a fun but quiet evening barbecue around the pool. I was wondering if they knew her friends, because quiet probably wasn’t on the menu.

We exited the aisle, aiming for the cashiers, when a blond girl cut in our way.

Caryn.

Wearing a mini jean skirt that looked more like a belt, a sports bra top, and with too much makeup for a Saturday morning, she put her hands on her hips and stopped in front of our cart.

“Jessica, there you are,” she said, the venom in her voice dripping with each word. “We need to talk.”

“I don’t think so.” I steered the cart to the side, but she stepped in the way. “Let us pass, Caryn.”

“Not until you tell me what you think you’re doing?” She leaned over the cart. “Going to Ryan’s garage after work. Are you trying to win him back?”

“What?”

“You have no right to march in here and claim him. He’s mine.”

“Caryn, Ryan can’t stand you,” Rachel said.

She snorted. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. He loves me.”

Sophie pulled the cart back. “Ignore her.”

“I won’t be ignored,” Caryn said, her voice louder.

A few heads turned to us.

“Caryn, back off,” I said.

“Back off?” Caryn took a step toward me. “Back off Ryan? Never, bitch. He’s mine.”

“Are you hearing yourself?” Rachel asked. “You sound like a nut job.”

Caryn glared at me. “I was there for him when nobody else was. I was there for his hearings. I went to visit him in prison twice a week. And I still take snacks to him while he’s at that damn community service.”

The guilt came back, followed closely by jealousy and frustration.

I turned my back to her, intent on going around the back of the aisle, or someplace else, as long as I escaped this girl.

A hand closed around my bicep. “I’m not done with you, bitch,” Caryn said.

I jerked my arm free, but she was ready to grab me again. Her inch-long nails scratched my upper arm, and I hissed as sharp pain spread through my muscles. Shocked, I looked down. Three red lines marked my skin—the middle one even drew a few drops of blood.

“What the hell?” Rachel snapped. She pushed Caryn back. “Get out of here right now.”

Caryn raised her chin. “Or what?”

Two guys with the grocery store T-shirt approached us.

“Everything all right, ladies?” one of them asked. The label on his T-shirt read Carter.

“Not really,” Sophie said. “This woman just attacked us.” She pointed from Caryn to my arm.

Carter turned to Caryn. “Ma’am, I have to ask you to leave.”

Caryn started arguing with the guy, and Rachel steered us around them. We paid for our stuff as both guys escorted Caryn out.

“Are you all right?” Sophie asked. “Does it hurt?”

I looked down at my arm. It had stopped bleeding, but the scratches would stay there for a few days. “A little.”

I couldn’t wait to get home and scrub some antiseptic on my entire arm. She had called me a bitch, but she was the bitch here. And she was even a bigger bitch for being there for Ryan when I wasn’t.

***

Ryan

I wasn’t so sure about going to Rachel’s house for a barbecue, but after the three evening visits from Jessica while I was working on my bike, I thought I could handle being around her at a small party.

When I arrived, Jason was already in control of the grill. Ethan was beside him, instructing like a boss, and I had no idea where Luke was. I could see Rachel and Sophie through the kitchen window; they seemed to be arguing about how to prepare something. Seated alongside the pool were Jason’s friend Marvin and his girlfriend, Lara, and Shana and Natalie, two girls from Sophie’s school.

I told myself I wasn’t looking for her, but I didn’t see Jessica anywhere.

I made my way across the yard and stopped beside Jason and Ethan.

“Don’t burn all of it,” I teased.

Jason tsked. “I’m the grill master.”

Ethan chuckled. “He wants to be one, but so far, our barbecue has been overcooked.” He offered me a beer, but I shook my head and grabbed a Coke from the cooler behind him. “Sorry, man. I keep forgetting you don’t drink much anymore.”

“I don’t drink much,” I repeated his words. “Sometimes, one sip here and there is nothing. But today I think I’ll stick to this.”

Jason looked at something over my shoulder. “I think that’s a good idea.”

I followed his line of sight and the air fled my lungs. Jessica walked into the backyard. She looked amazing. Her flowing golden hair shone with the rays of the setting sun, and her summer dress hugged her in all the right places. The skirt was a little flowy though, and it did wonders for her legs every time she took a step.

She was holding a big bowl of something, and I instinctively moved to help her. But Ethan cleared his throat and I snapped from the trance.

Smiling, Jessica set the bowl on one of the tables set up around the pool. She greeted the others then turned to us. Her eyes met mine and her smile died.

“Hi,” she said, her tone a little low.

Jason nodded at her and Ethan said, “Hey there.”

“Hi,” I answered, feeling like I was nineteen again.

She rushed back inside the house and appeared in the window with the girls.

“Earth to Ryan,” Ethan called.

I whipped my head back at him. “What?”

“I would ask what bug bit you if I didn’t know,” he said.

Jason watched me with a frown.

“What is it?” I asked.

Jason turned a few hamburgers before setting his eyes on me again. “I love you like a brother, you know that. But I swear, if you break her heart again, I’ll punch like I should have the first time.”

“Break her heart? What are you talking about? I don’t intent to get that close to her again.”

“Right.” Ethan nodded. “Because having her at your garage while you work on the Harley is, what? Acting like friends?”

Shit. Of course they knew about it, even though I hadn’t said a word to anyone. Even Officer Mike hadn’t found out about it, since Jessica always left before he came by to check on me.

It wasn’t Mike’s business if I got close to her, but I knew what he meant. My parents meant the same thing when they asked me to stay away from her. Because of my feelings for her, I had lost my mind and had blown my future. They were afraid I would do it again. Even though Mike would love to see my parole extended, I didn’t think he actually wanted me to go back to jail.

“I’m just saying, man,” Jason continued. “Don’t play with her, please.”

“I’m not playing with her. I’m not doing anything with her. Relax.” I finished my Coke, wishing it were a double dose of Jack.

“You outta talk to Caryn too,” Jason said.

I frowned. “And why would I talk to her?” Jason and Ethan exchanged another look. God damn it, they were making me crazy. “Just spit it out.”

“Because she scratched Jess this morning,” Jason told me.

“She what?” My voice rose and the other guests turned their heads to us. I lowered my voice and asked, “What happened?”

The guys told me about the girls going to the grocery store and bumping into Caryn. How Caryn accused Jessica of stealing me from her, and when Jessica tried to leave, Caryn grabbed her hard enough to leave a mark.

Stupid bitch. If I could, I would get a restraining order against her. And maybe one for Jessica against her too.

Luke finally showed up carrying a rectangular white box.

“Aunt Corrine sent it,” he said, dropping the box on the table. He opened it and inhaled. A three-layer caramel coffee cake. My third favorite from Corrine.

Rachel came out of the house and plugged in a stereo, starting the party.

I stayed by the grill with Jason, Luke, and Ethan most of the time, but I couldn’t help glancing to the side occasionally. All right. I couldn’t help glancing at Jessica every few seconds. She looked beautiful. She was beautiful. But those scratches on her arm. Anger rushed through me every time I saw them. Three nasty red lines on her smooth skin.

An hour later, the guys had already downed half of the beers, and I had drank four Cokes. I searched for a fifth in the cooler, until Rachel told me the guys didn’t put many in it, but there was more in the fridge in the kitchen.

I went inside and took a deep breath. All right, I had underestimated being at a party with Jessica. In addition, the guys were drinking and talking about the next bike race, and I simply felt lost.

I grabbed a Coke from the fridge, opened it, leaned on the counter, and took long swallows.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were in here,” Jessica said, entering the kitchen through the back door.

I raised the soda can. “I came in for a Coke.”

She nodded, walking to the nearest counter. “Rachel asked me to get more napkins and plastic cups from somewhere in the cabinets.” She opened the doors and three seconds later closed them. “It would have been helpful if she had told me exactly where.”

“I’ll help you.” I set my Coke down and turned to the cabinets behind me.

“Thanks,” she said, opening another set of doors.

On my second try, I found one of the items. “Here are the cups.” I turned to her at the same time she turned to me. My elbow bumped her arm, right on the scratches. She flinched and hissed. Anger assaulted me again. “I’m sorry.”

A big knot set between her brows, and her hand hovered over the scratches without touching them. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay.” I took her hand in mine and pulled it away from the wound. The middle line had a few drops of blood. After a deep breath, I cupped her elbow and guided her to the sink. “I can’t believe Caryn did this.”

“I don’t think it was intentional. Though she was out to get me.”

I grabbed a paper towel, wet the corner, and dabbed the scratch. Jessica flinched. “Sorry.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll talk to Caryn about this. She can’t go around threatening you, hurting you.” She pressed her lips in a thin line, and I could see in her eyes that she was bottling something inside. I cleaned the last of the blood and threw the paper towel in the trash can. “What is it?”

“What?”

“I can see a question in your eyes. Ask.”

“It’s just … Is there something between Caryn and you?”

“No.”

“She acts like there is.”

“She has been acting like that since before you and me.”

“Oh.”

“Why?”

“She mentioned being there for you … when you were in jail. And she also said she visits you at your community service.”

I nodded. “Yes, she visited me and sometimes she comes to the community service, but I didn’t ask her to, and I certainly don’t encourage her. Actually, I told her a few times I would rather she stopped. Honestly, I don’t know why she bothers. I told her a million times that I’ll never be with her. Still, she keeps trying to win me over.” I was aware of how conceited I sounded, but it was the truth. For some reason, I wanted Jessica to know it. “The only thing I feel for her is pity. Pity for the woman she became. And a little disgusted when she throws herself at me, and I have to be rude so she’ll leave me alone.”

She stared at me with misty eyes. “I’m sorry … for what happened and for not being here for you.”

I took her hand in mine. “Jess, stop apologizing. It wasn’t your fault, and you didn’t know. Even if you knew, I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me that way.”

She squeezed my hand. “I’m glad you’re okay now.”

I wouldn’t say I was okay, but I was getting there. “Me too.”

The corner of her lips tugged up in a sad smile, and an urge to wrap my arms around her, pull her to me, and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe hit me. She was close, too close. Her gorgeous legs two inches from mine. All I had to do was tug her hand and catch her when she bumped into me. Fuck, I wanted it. I wanted her. Bad.

The desire took hold of me. I raised my free hand and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, letting my fingertips linger on her cheek. She took a sharp inhale and her eyes flickered to my mouth.

Fuck, that was all the incentive I needed. I leaned in.

And her cell phone rang.

Startled, Jessica stepped back and looked at her phone. Her brows furrowed, and she pressed the end button. Maybe it was her boyfriend, and she didn’t want to answer it in front of me.

Shit, she had a boyfriend. Why did I keep forgetting that?

Jessica picked up the cups from the counter. “I should take this to the girls.” Without another look at me, she rushed out to the backyard.

Fuck, what had I been thinking? I almost kissed her. I wanted to kiss her. She had a boyfriend. If he hadn’t called, I would have probably kissed her. What was wrong with me? Even if she was spending some time with me, she was unavailable and I would respect that. I would try to respect that.

Obviously, my feelings for her were still too strong, but I couldn’t go down that road again. It hurt too much. And, one way or another, I would end up hurting her. Because that was all I did. I messed up and hurt everyone who cared about me.

Grunting, I turned to the fridge, and instead of getting another Coke, I found a beer.