Текст книги "Captured Love"
Автор книги: Juliana Haygert
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 15 страниц)
Chapter Twenty-Four
Jessica
Kristin bumped her shoulder on mine. Distracted, I stumbled two steps to the side.
“What?” I asked.
She raised an eyebrow. “Did you hear anything that I said?”
“Hmm.” I looked down at the ground, avoiding her judging gaze.
“Since you came back, you’ve been like that.” She gestured to me.
“Like what?”
“Like you’re only half here. Or even less.” Her eyes softened. “When will you talk about what happened down there?”
I shrugged. I didn’t want to think about what I left behind in Lexington, much less talk about it.
Classes had started three weeks ago, and I had immersed myself in my studies. I loved architecture. There was nothing else I would rather do, and it was so much easier to drown myself in it than to face whatever lurked in the back of my mind.
An internship would also be a good distraction. That was why I spent a lot of my time on my resume and looking at local newspapers and job-related websites.
“Nothing happened,” I lied. I planned on telling her about everything; I just couldn’t yet. It was too fresh, too painful.
The day I left, my family and friends took me to the airport. Mama, Jason, Luke, Lindsey, Aunt Cadence, Uncle T., Sophie, Rachel, and Ethan were all there. I suspected Ryan wouldn’t show up, but I guess a small part of me hoped he would. I kept looking for him, until the moment I boarded the plane. I knew then that it was over. Whatever it had been, it was finished.
In Cleveland, my grandma was waiting for me at the airport. As soon as I saw her, I broke down and cried like a baby. She embraced me and said everything would be okay. I wanted to believe her, but I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.
My father had forgiven me, but he had died and I would never be his little girl again. Mama called almost every day and now I talked to her, but I could hear the sadness in her voice and it tugged at my heart. I couldn’t shake the guilt of leaving her alone at such a time. Sophie, Rachel, and I had reconnected. We had been exchanging emails and text messages, but it wasn’t the same. The distance was already taking its toll on our friendship.
And there was Ryan. We had found closure, the perfect one. Then why didn’t it seem like my feelings would go away anytime soon. Truth be told, they had never gone away, not in four years, and I knew I wouldn’t be free of it now. Not after what we had the past few weeks I was down there.
Meanwhile, Gavin still called me sometimes, though I didn’t answer. When he would bump into me on campus, on purpose, he tried to ask me out.
With Kristin, things were awkward. I loved her, but since I wasn’t ready to talk, she probably felt like I was pushing her away. I had to find a way to open up soon, before she gave up on me.
“You’re a terrible liar,” Kristin said. We walked into the science building where she had chemistry class and I had physics. “You’ve been distant and quiet, practically sulking. You do nothing but study or stay holed up in your bedroom. You know, even your grandma called me yesterday to talk about you.”
“What?”
“She’s worried about you.”
“I’m okay,” I whispered. Even I didn’t believe my own words.
“To some extent, I know you are. But mostly you aren’t.” We stopped in front of my classroom. She touched my arm. “When you’re ready to talk, I’m here, okay?”
I nodded and entered the classroom before I could break down in the hallway. I took my usual seat and opened my book, reading the current chapter we were working on furiously, trying to imprint it on my mind, so it would take over the emotions that wanted to spill from my chest.
***
Armed with honey, crackers, and my sketchpad and pencil, I plopped down on the armchair in the living room and turned on the TV with the remote control. I went directly to Netflix and put on some random Gilmore Girls episode. I had seen the entire series while it was airing years ago, but with my messed up mind, it was nice to put on something familiar and not have to focus on it.
I spread a healthy amount of honey on a cracker and popped it in my mouth. Then I tugged my legs under me and lay my sketchpad on my knees. Like I usually did, I simply drew, without paying attention to it.
Sometime later, my phone dinged a few times. I reached for it and gasped. I had been in this same position, drawing my heart out and eating all the crackers and half a bottle of honey for over two hours.
What was wrong with me?
Shaking that off, I read the text message.
Rachel: When are you coming down to visit us?
Sophie: Yes! We miss you!
Rachel: It’s my birthday next week. You could come down then.
She inserted a lot of winking emojis at the end of the message.
Me: I don’t know.
It was true. I hadn’t given it much thought. I knew Mama expected me for Thanksgiving, then Christmas, but I wasn’t sure I was ready to go back after spending three months there. I was still trying to get back into my routine here.
Then there was grandma. I wouldn’t leave her along during those important holidays.
My phone dinged some more, but I put it down. My mood was too sour to read through their messages. Instead, I went to the kitchen, grabbed more crackers, and went back to the living room, where Gilmore Girls still played.
The front door opened. I looked over my shoulder and saw grandma coming back from her card game. Every Friday evening, she got together with a group of seniors and played cards. She loved it, and I loved it that she got to go out and be with friends.
As she stepped into the living room, she smiled at me but just for one second.
“Jessica Grace Hayes!” she said, her tone military-like. It reminded me of Papa and I winced. She grabbed the TV remote and turned it off.
I sat up. “Hey!”
She put her hands on her waist. “Don’t tell me you’ve been here in this same position for the last two hours?”
“Well …”
“Why aren’t you out with Kristin? That’s what you used to do every Friday and Saturday.”
I shrugged. “I’m not in the mood.”
She sat down beside me. “Hon, you’ve been home for six weeks. It’s almost October. I thought you would be over this sour mood by now.”
Me too. But the worst part was, I didn’t understand where this sour mood was coming from. I was home, I was still studying architecture, I had broken up with Gavin, I had said goodbye to Papa, I had reconciled with Sophie and Rachel, I had Kristin here, and I had found closure with Ryan. Why then didn’t I feel good? Satisfied? Happy?
“I don’t know what the matter is,” I confessed.
Sighing, she reached over and took my hands in hers. “I think I know.” I watched her expectantly. A sad smile appeared on her sweet face. “You came back, but you’re not home.”
“W-what?”
“Your home is in Lexington.”
“But—”
She raised her hand. “Think about it, hon. Since you came back, you’re all mopey, just going with the flow. It’s like you’re a machine, just going to classes and coming back; working on your projects and sketching and nothing else.” She gestured to my sketchpad. I glanced down at it and did a double take. My breath caught. Grandma went on. “You feel like something is missing, but you don’t know what. You think you have everything, and in some way, you do. You have a house, you have friends, you’re in college, and there’s me too. But it’s not the same anymore.”
The façade of a house filled the paper of my sketchpad, a house I knew too well, having lived sixteen years there. But what really made my breath catch was the people in front of it. Without realizing, I had drawn people. People! I hadn’t drawn people in four years!
Mama, Jason, and I were in front of my childhood home. My brother’s bike was in the driveway with Luna lying beside it.
I returned my gaze to my grandma. “I … I don’t know,” I muttered. A turmoil of emotions swirled in my chest and tears brimmed in my eyes. “Even if I felt like going back, I couldn’t leave you.”
She smiled. “I love having you here with me, hon, but I always knew it wouldn’t be forever. One day, you will leave. It may be when you graduate and go for your master’s degree in two years, or it may be when you fall in love and want to move in with your beau—whenever that happens.” I chuckled at her choice of words. Beau. It had been a long time since I had heard her use southern words. “Don’t worry about me, hon. I’ll be fine. I want you to worry about you, your future. You have to do what’s best for you, whatever that may be.”
She kissed my cheek and stood. She returned the TV remote to me and left the room.
I threw the remote aside and stared at the drawing on my lap. My family and I at our house in Lexington. If I were superstitious, I would think I had drawn this for a reason.
Now I only needed to swallow my pride and admit the reason to myself.
***
Ryan
I finished my six practice laps and brought the bike back to the garage, where John, Ethan, and Luke waited for me. I stopped my bike outside the garage door.
“Ninety-seven seconds,” John said, looking from his stopwatch to me. “We need to shave at least twenty seconds.”
Nodding, I took off my helmet and dragged a hand through my damp hair. “I know, I know.”
I had gone back to practice two weeks ago. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed being at the tracks, how much it was part of me, until I was back at it, speeding my heart out and feeling the wind pressing on my body, with the roar of the engines filling my ears. However, I was still rusty and getting used to my bike. It had taken me a little over two months to fix it to the point it was good for racing again. Even so, I didn’t think it would last much longer. Besides all the fixing, the bike was five years old—an eternity in this sport.
I climbed off my bike. Luke walked by me, patted my shoulder, put on his helmet, and hopped on his bike. It was his turn at the track.
I watched as he peeled away from the garage and went to the starting line. I envied him a little. This was his full-time job. He was here day after day, doing what he loved, and he was good at it. Me? I was here only on weekends since I still had a month before my parole and community service ended.
Alan and his crew still helped at the Habitat for Humanity site, mostly on the weekends, and that was a big help. We had recovered the damaged the storm had caused and now were ahead of schedule. It was actually nice to see them giving their time to such a good cause. Even though I wasn’t sure what I would do with my time once the parole was over, I considered continuing helping out at the site when I had some free time. They needed all the help they could get.
I walked in the garage and stopped dead.
A girl stood beside Ethan. A girl I thought I wouldn’t see again so soon.
“Hi,” Jessica said, her voice low. Her cheeks gained a red tint. It contrasted well with her fair skin, dark blond hair, and bright blue eyes, reminding me of how beautiful she was.
She wore tight jeans that hugged her shapely legs and hips, a leather jacket over a white tee, and black boots. Deluding myself, I chose to believe she had chosen those clothes to imitate me.
My voice escaped me and I stared at her.
Ethan cleared his throat. “I think John is calling me outside.” He exited the garage, put an arm around his uncle’s shoulders, and walked to the track.
Finally, I shook my head and forced my voice to work. “Hey.” I opened the fridge along the wall and grabbed a bottle of water. “Want one?” I offered, feeling lame about it. She shook her head, and I leaned against the counter beside the fridge. I took a long swallow of my water, hoping it would give me as much confidence as a dose of whiskey. “This is a nice surprise, but I confess I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.”
After all, it was only October. If I had to bet, I would guess she would come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Or maybe not.
She played with the zipper of her jacket. “I’m moving back. Sort of. Not here, not now, but since USC doesn’t have an architecture program, I’m transferring to UNC Charlotte. I start in January. I’ll live on campus, but since it’s not that far from Lexington, I’ll probably be home almost every weekend. And after I graduate in two years, I plan on moving to Columbia, if I can find a job there.”
What? That was too good to be true.
Trying to be cool, I swallowed my feelings. “I bet your mother is happy about that.”
“She doesn’t know yet. In fact, she doesn’t even know I’m in town. I came directly here from the airport. I’ll go by her house later.”
I inhaled a sharp breath. Why was she telling me all this?
“Your parole ends soon, right?”
I nodded. “In a month.”
“Have you thought about what you’re gonna do then?”
I drank the rest of my water then threw the empty bottle in the trash. “I’m not sure. I’m … I’m thinking about applying to USC for mechanical engineering actually. Racing isn’t forever, and that way, I would be able to keep working with bikes.” I hadn’t told this to anyone, not even Jason. Then why was I was telling her all of my plans? I shrugged. “It sounds stupid.”
Her lips twisted in a small smile. “Not at all. I like your plans.”
I fixed my eyes on her and my heart stuttered. “I like your plans too,” I whispered.
We continued to stare at each other, the silence between us not awkward, but charged. I tried to think of things to say, how to keep this conversation going, but everything sounded too lame.
Finally, she took a book from inside her purse and handed it to me.
“What’s this?” I asked, taking it.
She shrugged. Curious, I opened the large book. However, it wasn’t a book at all. It was a photo album. The first page had a picture on it, the only picture in the entire album. In the photo, Jess and I stood in front of each other beside the pool at Rachel’s house. We weren’t touching, only talking, but the look on our faces while we stared at each other was unmistakable. Our feelings were written all over us.
“Rachel took that picture. She handed it to me before I left for Cleveland.” She crossed her arms, and I realized she was shielding herself. “With me, the mess started when Caryn handed me that cursed photo album, and I don’t know, it really was cursed. For four years, I couldn’t look at pictures, much less be in them. And I used to love pictures. I used to love drawing people, and even that was ruined for me. For four years, I only sketched landscapes. Until a few weeks ago.” She fished her sketchbook from inside her purse. “I sketched you on your bike without even realizing what I was doing.” She flipped the sketchbook open and showed me the drawing.
I gawked at it. “Wow, Jess. I forgot how good you are at drawing.” Damn, she was too good. I could see all the details, the stubble on my jaw, the muscles of my neck, the weariness of the leather jacket, the dirt in the bike wheels, the strands of hair, and the shadows obscuring part of my body.
“So,” she continued, shifting her weight. She was nervous. “I’m giving you this photo album as the start of a new chapter, a new beginning.”
What? I shifted my gaze from her to the photo album and back. Was she saying what I thought she was saying? This album was supposed to be a new chapter, a new beginning for us? For her and me? She was willing to do that? To give me another chance?
Her arms dropped to her sides and she sighed. “Well, I probably should go home for Saturday family lunch. I hope I don’t give my mother a heart attack.” Visibly tense, she picked up her purse from the seat beside her and turned to the back door.
She started walking away and desperation filled me. I couldn’t let her go, not again. She was moving back and she had come all this way to tell me about it, to give me this album.
“Jess, wait.”
She halted by the door. “Yes?”
I took a couple of steps toward her and stopped, running a hand through my damp hair. “I … I don’t know how to say it, so I’ll just show you what I want.”
In four long strides, I was right in front of her, but I didn’t stop. I pushed my body against her, until she was trapped between the door and me. She let out a loud gasp, but didn’t push me away. I placed my hands on the wall inches from her head and lowered my mouth to hers, not too gently. Her lips opened immediately, and her hands clutched my training overalls and pulled me closer.
Damn it, I had missed her more these past two months than I had missed her the first four years she had been away. I kissed her, long and hard, sure that if I broke any contact with her, she would disappear and I would die if she did.
I slid my hand down her body and clutched her ass, lining her hips with mine. She gasped against my mouth, probably aware of my hard-on. It was crazy, how my body reacted to her, how every sound she made, every part of me that she touched, sent a jolt of pleasure through me.
She wound her arms around my shoulders and her legs around my waist, rubbing her pelvis against mine.
I traced my lips down her jaw and nipped at her ear. “I missed you,” I whispered.
“I missed you too,” she said, out of breath.
I pulled back and stared into the deep sea of her eyes. “What changed your mind? What made you come back?”
“You, idiot.” She rolled her hips, making me groan. “I realized we found closure for the past, but my feelings for you wanted more. They want the future.”
I buried my face in her neck and inhaled deeply, savoring her scent, wanting to wrap myself in it. “Thank God for that.”
“Do you have to train anymore?” She ran her nails on the back of my neck, making me shiver.
Even if I had to, I would totally skip it. “No.”
“Then take me out of here.”
I smiled, bringing my mouth to hers again. “My pleasure.”
Epilogue
Jessica
It was his day, so I made his favorite. Chocolate chip pancakes and orange juice. And a black coffee on the side for me.
I put everything on a tray and tiptoed to our bedroom.
When I graduated from UNCC two years ago, we moved to an apartment in downtown Columbia, three blocks from the big architecture office I worked at. My salary was nice enough, and with time and specialization, it would only get better. My boss was planning on retiring in a couple of years, and he had been giving me hints about me taking his place.
Mama was happy about having me around again. About six months after Papa’s death, she started working at the bakery again—part time, but still, it gave her lots to do. And she loved baking.
Jason had graduated and was now in medical school. He had a loan and worked part time at the lab at the school, but he loved it. He was already talking about specializing in oncology. No need to wonder why.
I slipped into our room and smiled upon seeing him sprawled in our bed. He was still naked from the night before, and the sheet twisted around him like a gift I had to unwrap. I loved watching him, watching his long, hard body. A shiver spread through me from head to toe at the thought that that amazing body was pressed against mine constantly.
I set the tray down on the nightstand and sat down beside him. I ran my nails over his back, delighted when he shivered and moaned.
“Hey, beautiful,” he muttered, shifting closer to me.
“Good morning,” I said, letting my hand and nails slip down the sheets over his ass.
“Only if your hand was somewhere else,” he said, eyes still closed. I snaked my hand under him and cupped his penis. “That’s it right there.”
“Turn around, then, so I can give you a full service.”
He cracked one eye open, but instead of turning around, he wound his arm around my waist and pulled me under him.
“I like it when you wear my shirts.” He pressed his lips to my neck. “But I like it better when you’re not.” He raised his chest a little, pulling his shirt over my head. His eyes grew hungry as his gaze raked over my naked body. “So much better.” He lowered himself over me, his erection brushing against my pelvis.
I gasped. “We have to get ready,” I whispered, not really sure I wanted to get ready anymore. “You have to be at the auditorium in an hour.”
“But the graduation ceremony starts in two hours.” He ground himself against me, drawing a moan from me. “I think we have time to turn this good morning into a great morning.” He nipped at my ear, his hot breath driving me crazy. “Don’t you think?”
I didn’t think anything anymore. All I wanted was right here with me.
I wrapped my legs around him, digging my heels on his fine ass. “I think so.”
“Good answer.” He smiled before dipping his mouth to mine and slowly entering me.
***
Ryan
I stood and clinked a fork on my Coke-filled goblet. “May I have your attention, please?”
The little crowd gathered around the tables set in my parents’ backyard quieted down and looked at me. Everyone was here. My parents, my brother, my sister, Jessica’s family, Ethan, Gabe, John, Sophie, Rachel, and Faith. Even Jessica’s grandma and her friend, Kristin, had come down for this day. I loved the radiant surprise on Jessica’s face when she saw those two in the auditorium for my graduation ceremony.
“What are you two doing here?” she asked, embracing them both at the same time.
“Ryan invited us for his graduation,” her grandma said. When Jessica was hugging Kristin one more time, her grandma winked at me and I had to press my lips together not to burst out laughing.
“Thank you, everyone, for being here with me. Who knew this day would come, huh?” I said, trying to joke a little. Of course, Jason, Luke, Ethan, and Gabe hollered, making me chuckle. “I want to thank my parents for the support; my good friends—” I nodded at the guys. “—for putting up with me; John for believing in me and getting me back into racing; my future boss, William DeBouir—” I raised my glass to the man seated beside John. He was big investor in bike racing in North America, and he had seen me race many times. I would now race for him, and while not racing, work at one of his customized bike shops here in Columbia. “—for the great opportunity he’s offering me; but my most special thanks goes to the woman seated beside me.”
I turned to my side and stared into Jessica’s beautiful blue eyes. She smiled at me, her cheeks reddening.
“Without a doubt, she’s the reason I finally got my head out of my ass.” My mother gasped while the guys shouted. “I’m serious. She was the only one able to get through my walls. She believed in me when I didn’t. If I learned to control my temper, if I made peace with the past, if I went back to racing, if I went to college and graduated, it’s all because of her. She’s the reason we’re all here today, celebrating my freaking college graduation.”
Pride filled me. Not because I was proud of my accomplishments, but because I could see it in her glassy eyes. The pride and the love she felt for me. It almost undid me.
“Jess, you’re the love of my life. I’ve known that for the last eight years.” I took a long breath, preparing myself for the rest of my speech. I fished the small black velvet box from my suit pocket, sank to one knee in front of her, and opened the box, revealing the ring I had bought for her. Jessica’s hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes filled a little more. “Because I’ve known that for so long, I can’t go another day without making sure the world knows how happy, how complete you make me. I love you so much, Jess. Will you marry me?”
A tear rolled down her eyes and she nodded. “Yes,” she whispered, before throwing her arms around me, almost knocking us both to the ground. I gained my balance and stood, holding her tight against me. “Yes,” she said again, her voice louder.
The crowd cheered, but I wasn’t really paying attention to them. I had my woman, my fiancée, my future wife in my arms, and that was all that mattered.
I cupped her face and brought her lips to mine. I kissed her, slow and tender, but deep and firm, showing her how much she meant to me. Finally, I broke the kiss and pulled back a little.
She gasped again when I placed the box between us. “It’s beautiful,” she said through a sob. A happy sob. That put a smile on my face.
I took the ring from the box and slid it onto her finger. I knew it would fit, because I had measured one of her rings before going to the jewelry store.
She stared at her hand, a huge smile on her face. Damn, I loved making her happy like that. I hoped she smiled like that when we got to our apartment tonight and I showed her my next gift: the savings account I had created four years ago for one specific reason. It didn’t have a lot of money in it, because I was still studying and having to pay for tuition, but it would be enough for a down payment on a house on the outskirts of Columbia. Our house. Our home.
“I love it,” she said, turning her big eyes to me. “I love you.”
I exhaled a content breath. “I love you too.”
