Текст книги "Beautiful Misery"
Автор книги: Chandin Whitten
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Текущая страница: 8 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
Looking at my sleeping newborn I replied, “We’re perfect.”
“Ok, well if you need me just use the call button. If not I will be back in an hour or so to check in.”
“Thank you,” I said as she shut the door.
Larkin bent over and kissed the top of my head. “Not how I expected to see my baby sister but shit she’s cute. If you’re up to it the waiting room has been taken over by the Tucker and Nayler posse who all are waiting to meet Miss Princess.”
Looking around the room everyone looked tired but I didn’t want to turn people away from meeting my pride and joy. “Of course not. Tell them Londyn is happy to meet everybody.”
Larkin left to gather everyone from the waiting room. Gage was still off to the side talking to Jenna, who had a huge smile on her face. If I didn’t know any better I would think they were a gorgeous couple. Jenna was looking at Gage and listening closely to what he was saying.
“Knock knock baby mama,” Sadie said as she came through the door. “Let me see that baby.”
“Shit, hide the baby. This crazy lady doesn’t need anymore.” Jinx joked as he walked in behind Sadie.
Sadie stuck her tongue out at Jinx as she came up beside my bed. “Little late for that,” Sadie said nonchalantly.
“Huh?” Jenna and I asked at the same time.
Tyler laughed. “Yep, baby Hampton number four is on its way due in September.”
“Damn you two. Do you ever not have sex?” Jinx asked, faking disgust.
“So how many kids do y’all need before you get married?” Larkin asked.
Sadie shrugged. “I don’t want to be fat when we get married. We kept saying after each baby that we would get married but super sperm over here keeps knocking me up. I put my foot down this time. After I threw that damn stick with the two pink lines in his face I told him no more. Four kids was enough. Hell Frannie isn’t even three yet. We will have four kids under four. It’s time he wraps before he taps.”
The entire room busted into laughter. It must have startled Londyn because she started squirming and whimpering.
“Shh. It’s ok baby. Mommy’s got you. Are you getting hungry?” I cooed at my daughter.
Gage jumped from the rocking chair and was at my side. “Is she ok? Do I need to get the nurse?”
Laughing lightly I said, “Everything is ok. I think she’s just hungry. I’m going to try to feed her and maybe we can attempt sleep?”
“Well, I can’t help with the feeding. God didn’t give me boobies. Do you want me to ask everyone to leave? I can tell them they are welcome to come back this afternoon.”
“I think that sounds good. I just don’t want to upset anyone.”
“Co, they will understand. Don’t worry. Just feed our baby and I will take care of everything else.”
After everyone left Gage pulled the rocking chair up to the side of my bed. He sat there watching Londyn and I as she ate. I could tell something was bothering him and he was too afraid to say anything.
“Just say it.” I blurted out.
Gage’s eyes widened slightly. He scrubbed his face with both hands and let out the breath he had been holding. “I don’t want to talk about the future but at some point we are going to have to.”
Sighing I said, “I know. I was looking forward to this day but deep down I was dreading it. I knew once she was here it would be the beginning of the end. Neither of us want to or are prepared to deal with this but this is our life. We have to, not for us but for Londyn.”
Gage bounced his eyes from Londyn to me. “This isn’t fair. I thought I was ok with what our future held but now that it’s happening I’m realizing I’m not. I want Londyn to have her mom and I want you to be by my side helping me raise our daughter. I love you, Cobie. I want us to be a family. I want to give you your dream wedding. I don’t have a ring,” he paused and got down on one knee. My tears stinging my eyes. “But, this is me asking you to marry me.”
“I won’t let you do that. You have sacrificed so much already. When you get married Gage, I want it to be to the girl who stole your heart and be the girl you are so in love with all you see is her. She is out there, waiting. She will accept your past and see all the amazing qualities you have.” I spoke through my tears, forcing myself to agree with what I just said.
“Cobie, you stole my heart. The moment you told me you were having my baby I was yours. I would do anything to make all your dreams come true. You accepted who I was and you opened your heart and life to me. You could have lied or hid from the fact that I am Londyn’s daddy but you trusted me despite the way I acted. I want to marry you Cobie.” Gage raised himself back into the chair. His voice was soft, his eye pleading.
I blinked back my tears and moved my eyes from Gage’s handsome face to our daughters beautiful face. Looking at her for a long time I didn’t say anything.
“Ok.” I said simply. Then trying to get the mood shifted to something lighter I joked, “You’re the one telling Larkin.”
Gage hopped from the rocking chair and kissed my temple. “Deal.”
12
Gage
“Larkin, where you at?”
I walked into his moms house. Cobie was home and resting with Londyn. Now was my chance to talk to Larkin and hopefully he wouldn’t knock my head off.
“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be at your house helping my sister?” Larkin came walking down the hallway, hands on his hips.
“They’re sleeping. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Let’s go downstairs. Jenna just got the twins asleep. She would kills us both if we wake them up.”
I followed Larkin down to the finished basement and sat on the couch. He sat across from me in the chair.
“Ok, so what is going on?”
I looked Larkin in the eyes and I said, “Cobie and I have decided to get married.”
I watched as Larkin turned to stone. “Why? Why would you want to do that?”
“I love her.”
“You love her?”
I nodded. “I do. I want her to have her dream wedding. She has told me every detail she has had planned since she was little. I can give her that. We would be a true family.”
“You’re marrying my baby sister to make her dream come true?”
“No, Larkin. I’m marrying her because I love her. Her dream coming true is just an added bonus.”
I could see the wheels in his head turning. “I never pictured you marrying my baby sister but if it makes her happy, then I’m happy. I approve.”
“I wasn’t looking for approval, Larkin but thank you. She never dreamed of having some huge wedding, just close friends and family so I was hoping we could have the wedding in a few weeks. I’m going to need your help.”
Larkin smiled. “Anything for my sister.”
On February fourteenth, I married the woman I loved, the mother of my child, the girl that had became my best friend.
Cobie wore her mothers wedding dress like she has always dreamed. I had never seen her look more beautiful. She didn’t want a bouquet, she instead carried our daughter in her arms down the aisle. Larkin gave her away, smiling the entire time.
We laughed. We cried. We danced.
She smashed cake is face and you better believe I smashed cake in hers. Larkin wanted his sisters wedding to be special. He wanted to dance with Cobie in place of their dad. He picked the song, There You’ll Be by Faith Hill, and surprised a tearful Cobie. Our song held so much meaning. It was the song that was playing the day we found out Londyn was a girl, the day we found out Cobie had cancer and the song that was playing when we brought Londyn home from the hospital, as a family. Cowboys and Angels. She was my Angel.
I was happy. For one day, I didn’t worry about how much time we had left together. I didn’t let cancer invade my thoughts. With just family and close friends around us everything felt intimate. It felt special. It felt right.
Cobie
Holding Londyn in my arms I couldn’t help the thoughts that were clouding my head. I was getting tired. A week after I became Mrs. Tucker things changed. I woke up one morning and couldn’t move my legs. Gage took me to the hospital and after numerous scans and tests we were told the cancer had taken my ability to walk. I was in a wheel chair. I knew my time was with my family was ending. I’m not stupid. I could feel it.
It was late and Gage was asleep on the couch. Londyn had just finished taking her bottle and was fading into sleep. I rocked her in my arms a few minutes before laying her in her bassinet.
I wanted Londyn to know how much I loved her and that I would always be with her. Gage had promised me that he would always tell her but I wanted her to have something from me that she could confirm for herself. Rolling down the hall to Gage’s office I shut the door and flipped the light on.
Grabbing a notebook from the bookshelf I started writing. I wrote letter after letter, stacking them up in a pile beside me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to write but once the pen hit the paper it just flowed. I wrote a letter for everything I could think of. The first letter I wrote was just me telling her how my I loved her. There was one for every birthday until she was eighteen, one for each of her first days of school, one for her first crush, one for her first boyfriend, one for her first kiss, one for her senior prom, one for graduation, one for her first day of college, one for her wedding, and one for the birth of her first child.
As I was putting the letters into envelopes I heard Londyn starting to cry. Setting everything down, I wheeled myself back to the living room. Gage was standing in front of the picture window patting her little back and hushing her.
“Shh babygirl. Let mommy sleep. Daddy’s here.”
This is what I would miss. This is what hurts the most. I wouldn’t be here to comfort my daughter or wipe away her tears. I felt guilty leaving all this on Gage. He didn’t sign up for this. He had experienced so much hurt already and here I was, causing more.
Gage turned around just as I swiped my tears away. He kissed Londyn’s head then said, “Look baby, mommy is here. Maybe you two could lay down together. Daddy has a few things he needs to get done.”
“Gage it is four in morning. What could you possibly need to do right now?”
“There is a few emails I have been pushing back but I really need to answer them. Besides, someone let me nap and now I am wide awake.”
Bowing my head I said, “Sorry. You just looked so comfortable. I couldn’t wake you.”
“Well now I’m sending you and our daughter to bed so I can get a little work done and maybe workout for an hour or so. Come on, let’s get you two tucked in.”
Gage left his spot by the window and handed me Londyn. She was already back asleep. Once Gage got Londyn and me in our bed he turned the T.V. on and kissed me.
“I love you Cobie, so much.”
“I love you, too.”
“Sleep good baby. I will come check on things in a little bit.”
Gage kissed me one last time then walked out the door, closing it halfway. I snuggled Londyn into my side. I covered her head in kisses before shutting my eyes. I whispered, “I love you,” to Londyn before finding sleep.
Gage
What was this? I picked up the stack of sealed envelopes and thumbed through them. Letters. They were letters to Londyn from Cobie. There was one for everything. Sitting down I contemplated opening and reading them. But, that felt like some sort of evasion on privacy. Setting the stack back on my desk I saw there was one letter that hadn’t found its way into an envelope. I couldn’t help myself. I picked it up and read it.
Londyn Hope,
Hi. It’s your mommy. Right now you are fast asleep in your bassinet. I don’t know how many more nights I will get to watch you sleep. You look so beautiful and peaceful. You have no worries or fears. Everything for you is perfect. You don’t know about this scary world.
I want you to know how much I love you. Mommy never dreamed in a million years that you would be as perfect as you are. You have changed so much in my life and opened my eyes to a whole new world. I thought I had my life all planned out until I found out I was going to be a mommy. What I thought were my dreams didn’t even come close to becoming a mother. Marrying your daddy and becoming a family, that is my one dream come true. You are my dream come true.
There won’t be a day that goes by that I won’t be by your side. When things get hard, I will always be there to listen. The rustle in the leaves, the sun kissing your cheeks, the stars shining at night…that will be me watching over you. Even if I can’t be here I will always protect you. You are my everything, Londyn. When given the choice, I would choose you over and over, every time. Choosing you was the easiest choice I ever made. I knew I wanted to be your mommy more than anything.
I know how it feels to grow up with just one parent. It hurts. But, you got lucky just like mommy. Your daddy is the best. Just watching him with you and the way he looks at you. You are the center of his universe. I hope one day he finds someone who fills the void and makes him happy. Someone who loves you as much as I do. You and your daddy deserve happiness and love. And, I know that somewhere out there the perfect woman is waiting.
You, my beautiful babygirl are the closest I will ever come to magic. My greatest wish for you is that you always know how much I love you. And, for the rest of your life you know how great my love for you was. I never knew what love was until I was holding you in my arms. Until I was counting your little fingers and tiny toes. All it took was your small, sweet hand grasping onto mine for you to totally consume me.
All my dreams came true the first time I heard your heartbeat. I didn’t look at everything I was walking away from, instead I looked at everything I was gaining. The minute they placed you in my arms, you slipped right into my heart.
I want you to grow up loving Disney. Disney taught me everything I want you to know.
1. Hakuna Matata, it means no worries.
2. Nothing’s impossible.
3. Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one.
4. Dreams can come true.
5. Remember, always let your conscience be your guide.
I love you babygirl. Never give up faith and dream bigger than the sky.
All my love xoxo
Mommy
I was standing there staring at the piece of paper in my hands, no clue what to do. Cobie was sick, I’ve known that for months. But, reading the letters she wrote to Londyn ripped my heart apart. Cobie knew she didn’t have much longer.
Three days later Cobie wasn’t acting like herself. She would stare off into space and when she would talk she wouldn’t make sense. I had had enough. I decided to call her mom and take her to the hospital.
Carrie answered in the second ring. “Hey, sweetie.”
“Carrie, something is wrong. Cobie isn’t acting like herself. I’m taking her to the hospital. Can you watch Londyn?”
Carrie choked back her tears and said, “I’m going with you. I will have Cobie’s aunt watch Londyn. I’ll call Kelli on my drive over. She should get to your house a few minutes after me.”
“Ok. I’m going to throw some things in a bag for Cobie and me so we are ready when you get here.”
“Gage, calm down. I’m sure it’s just all the pain medication they have her on. Dr. Emmons said this could happen.”
Shutting my eyes I rubbed my thumbs hard against them. “I know, Carrie. I’m just scared. I thought I was prepared for all of this to start happening but now that it is, I’m not ready.”
Carrie was silent, I heard her car radio through the speaker. “Honey, at least we had a warning with Co. I had nothing with her father. We have had months to spend time with her and make wonderful memories. Treasure that. I’m almost to your house, let me call Kelli.” She didn’t wait for my response before she hung up.
She was right. We were lucky enough to be given time with her. So many were robbed of that. The last year had been the best of my life. I opened my own club, was blessed with a beautiful, healthy babygirl, and married my best friend.
As soon as Carrie and Kelli got to our house we left. Cobie was worse than she had been earlier.
She was shutting down. I could see her eyes go in and out of focus. She was lost. I was losing her right in front of my own eyes. The thirty minute drive from our house to the hospital seemed to take days. On the way Carrie called Larkin and Jenna to let them know what was going on and promised to keep them updated.
Once we made it to the hospital Cobie was instantly admitted and hooked up to oxygen, IV’s, and monitors. The nurse took tube after tube of blood with no promise of when they would have the results.
Carrie and I sat holding Cobie’s hands. She didn’t talk. She didn’t respond. She was gone. Physically she was still here, but mentally she was gone.
“I think you should call Larkin.” I spoke to Carrie but looked at Cobie.
“Let’s just wait until we talk to the doctor. I think it’s all her medication counter reacting with each other.” Carrie said, trying to sound sincere.
“Carrie, I really think you should call Larkin. He needs to be here.”
Carrie called Larkin and I called my parents. Once again, everyone was flying in.
The doctor came in a few minutes later to talk to us. Holding his hand out to me first I shook his. “Mr. Tucker, I’m Dr. Chang. After reviewing your wives tests it appears she has sepsis and her cancer has more or less taken over her entire body. Dr. Emmons sent me an email explaining Cobie didn’t want any more scans after her initial diagnoses and this is exactly what we feared would happen.”
My eyes were burning. My throat was constricting. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. Everything was moving but nothing was making noise. “Wh-what does that mean?”
“Mr. Tucker, I am so sorry but if you have any family out of town, I think now would be a good time to have them come in. It is irreversible. There is nothing we can do except keep her comfortable.”
Carrie wrapped her arm around me. “We already called and they will be here tonight.”
Dr. Chang looked Cobie over then turned to his nurse and asked, “Susie, is Mrs. Tucker a DNR?”
DNR? What? No! No! No!
Before Susie could answer I blurted out, “Hell no. She is a full code.”
Dr. Chang ignored my outburst and calmly said, “Thank you, Mr. Tucker.”
Carrie laid her head on my shoulder, her tears wetting my shirt. “Dr. Chang could you please explain why this was so sudden? She went from zero to sixty overnight.”
Dr. Chang crossed his arms before saying, “Sometimes this is just how it happens. But, if I had to guess it has slowly been progressing but it wasn’t so noticeable until this point.”
No sooner than the words left Dr. Chang’s mouth, Cobie’s monitors started going off. The room filled with multiple doctors and nurses.
Dr. Chang barked out orders and had a nurse usher Carrie and I out of the room. I knew I needed to get out of the way so the doctors could work but I want to be with my wife. She needed me now. I needed her.
It felt like we were in the hall for days before Dr. Chang slipped out the door.
“Mr. Tucker.”
I cut the doctor off and rushed up to him. “Please tell me she is still alive.”
Dr. Chang placed his hand on my shoulder. “Your wife is still alive but she is being supported my machines. We had to put her in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator. It’s not good. I’m so sorry, Mr. Tucker.”
I fell to the ground. In the middle of the fucking hospital, I lost it. I begged. I pleaded.
God, if you’re listening please don’t take her. Not yet. I’m not ready. I can’t do this. She needs to be by my side and watch our daughter grow up. We still have so much to do, so much to accomplish. If you just give me this one thing I swear I will never question you again. Dammit, don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to my daughter. For fucks sake she’s only twenty years old. Her birthday is only a few weeks away. Why would you do this? Why would you put my family through this?
Carrie was on her knees, her arms wrapping around me. “Gage, Dr. Chang said we can go back in the room now. Come on, you need to be with your wife right now.”
Sniffing, I brought my eyes to meet Carrie’s. “I don’t know if I can do it. I can’t see her like that.”
“She needs you right now, more than you need her. She needs to know that you’re okay.”
“I’m not okay. This is too fuckin’ soon.”
“Gage Tucker. You are not weak. We are going in that room. We are going to sit with the girl we love and let her know it is okay for her to stop fighting. She’s hurting, Gage. She has fought for months and she’s tired. Be fair to her.”
Carrie helped me from the ground and into Cobie’s room. She was covered in wires and a tube was going down her throat. Constant beeping and a low hum of the ventilator were filling the silence.
I took a seat next to Cobie, wrapping her hand up in mine. “I’m here, baby. It’s okay. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
I laid my head down next to her shoulder and cried myself to sleep.
“Gage.” A familiar voice pulled me from my nightmare, thank God.
Blinking a few times, I raised my head and saw Larkin and Jenna standing across from me. They both had red, puffy eyes. It wasn’t a nightmare. I looked down and saw a very lifeless Cobie.
Without letting go of Cobie’s hand I reached across and grabbed Larkin’s. “I’m so sorry.”
Larkin’s chin quivered as his tears clouded his eyes. Jenna and Carrie put their arms around his back. Both women crying.
I looked down at Cobie and said, “When we got married Cobie changed everything to my name. I’m the one that makes all the decisions. But guys, I can’t make this one alone.”
Carrie, Larkin, and Jenna walked around Cobie’s bed and surrounded me. Jenna kissed my cheek and asked, “Did you guys ever talk about what she wanted if this happened?”
Taking a deep breath, I said, “Not really. We never thought this would happen.”
“We all know Cobie. We know she wouldn’t want to live like this. She’s not here to tell us but we know.”
We all nodded and Larkin added, “This is my baby sister and I don’t want to tell her goodbye but sometimes– Larkin swallowed back his tears– sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to. I don’t want her suffering, Gage. It’s not fair to her.”
“Before we do this I want Londyn to say goodbye. She needs to lay with her mom one last time, guys. My daughter is losing her mom and she doesn’t even know her yet. How fuckin’ fair is that?”
Carrie leaned down so she was level with me. “But, she has you. She has you, honey. You will make sure Cobie’s love lives on for Londyn.”
Jenna took a step away and dug through her purse, pulling her phone out. “I will call Kelli and see if Chad can bring Londyn down.”
Taking a few deep breaths I shook my head. “No, my parents should be here soon. Do you mind calling and seeing if they can pick Londyn up on their way?”
“Of course. I’ll be right back.”
Carrie stood and walked to Jenna, “I’ll go with you. Get everyone coffee.”
Once Jenna and Carrie were out the door Larkin pulled a chair up next to me. “I never said this but, thank you. My sister was happy with you. I wasn’t happy with how things started but you made her happy. The last year of her life could have been pure hell but with you and Londyn in her life she enjoyed it. Thank you for putting her first.”
“I love your sister. She made me happy when I hated life. I don’t want to think about what my life would be like if your sister hadn’t come into it. I’m serious Larkin, she saved me.”
Larkin watched me closely when he spoke again, “I know you think I stole Jenna from you, but look what you would have missed if Jenna would have stayed with you. I know you love Jenna. I know you love Co. After you got with my sister though, something changed. You didn’t look at Jenna like you used to. You might not even know it yet but you are more in love with my sister than even she knew.”
Running my hand up and down Cobie’s arm I said, “You’re right. Your sister made me forget about Jenna. Your sister was my saving grace. And, now I’m losing the one thing that made my life not so shitty.”
Larkin shook his head. “No you’re not. She will always be with us. And, you still have Londyn. She looks so much like her mom and if you’re lucky she will be just like her.”
Hearing my daughter’s name made me smile. I looked at Cobie and joked, “If you have anything to do with it, you will make sure she is just like you, huh?”
“Let’s hope,” Larkin laughed.
My parents arrived about an hour later, Londyn in tow. I unfastened her from her car seat and placed her between Cobie’s chest and arm. Londyn immediately snuggled into her mom. She knew who mommy was.
“Gage, you should take pictures. Londyn would want them when she’s older,” Jenna suggested.
Sliding my phone out, I unlocked it and hit the camera button. I snapped a few pictures and held my tears back.
This is it. After I take Londyn from Cobie I will be telling the doctor to ‘unplug’ my wife. I left Londyn snuggled with her mom for as long as she would allow, which ended up being about an hour, before I leaned over to pick her up.
“Give mommy one last kiss, princess.” I placed Londyn next to Cobie’s face for a second before letting my mom take her to feed her.
“I will go get Dr. Chang,” Carrie said, standing by the door.
I took a few short deep breaths. This was the best for Cobie, she would be waiting for me, and she wouldn’t be suffering anymore. I kept telling myself over and over again.
“Mr. Tucker, Mrs. Nayler said you needed to speak with me.”
I didn’t take my eyes off of Cobie, I just nodded. Larkin nudged me. “You need to tell Dr. Chang.”
Shutting my eyes I slowly mumbled, “Take her off life support.”
“Ok, Mr. Tucker. We will make sure she is comfortable. She won’t feel any pain. Before we turn the machine off we will give her a high dose of Propofol, then we will give her more pain medication as needed. It may look like she is struggling to breath at some point, but she won’t be. That will be her brain still telling her lungs they need air, but she won’t be in any discomfort.”
I let my head fall onto her chest. I took a few seconds to collect myself before turning to look at Dr. Chang. “Ok. I’m ready. How long will it take?”
“That is between God and your wife.”
I slowly nodded and turned my attention back to Cobie. A nurse came through the door carrying three syringes and inserted them into Cobie’s IV’s. Dr. Chang waited a few minutes before speaking in some sort of code to the nurse who in turn turned the monitor screen off then turned the ventilator off. The nurse stepped back beside Dr. Chang as we all surrounded the bed.
She couldn’t be dying. This is how she looked when she was sleeping. She looked so peaceful.
Larkin pulled out his phone and played on it for a moment before Bon Jovi’s Livin’ on a Prayer filled the room. Cobie’s favorite song. He laid it on her chest and kissed her cheek. “I love you, sis. Watch over my babies and keep them safe. Tell dad I said hey.”
Jenna then took her turn. Leaning down she kissed her cheek. “Thank you for helping me see that I really was in love with your brother. You saw how much I loved him before I did. I will make sure Evie and the boys know how much their Aunt Co loved them. Raise some hell up there and make sure you get some kick ass angel wings.”
Carrie hugged her daughter and kissed her forehead a few times before pulling back to grab her hands. “Cobie, my sweet little girl. I can still remember when you would play dress up and demand everyone call you Princess Cobie, you even got Larkin to call you that a few times. It seems like you were just learning to walk and talk then before I knew it you were driving and graduating high school then along came Londyn and I watching you walk down the aisle. I love you, angel. Thank you for blessing me with almost twenty-one years of bliss.”
It was my turn. I could do this. I. Could. Do. This.
I kissed Cobie’s lips and whispered, “I love you.” I pulled her hand up to my mouth and softly kissed it. Larkin had fiddled with his phone again and sat it back on her chest. Cowboys and Angels by Dustin Lynch came on. I smiled. Cobie said the day we found out we were having a girl that this was our song. “Here that, baby. That’s our song. Larkin’s playing it for us. He knows how wild I am and how perfect you are, it’s not a secret. Who knew how fitting this song would actually end up being? You are my angel, Co. You walked in when I needed you most. You saved me. You gave me that one thing I was missing. You were the star in my darkest nights. I promise I will spend my forever telling Londyn how much you love her. Its ok baby, you can go. You don’t have to fight anymore. Wait for me up there. This isn’t our goodbye, you hear me? This is see you later.” I kissed her lips one more time. “I love you, Co, so much more than you could ever imagine.”
Carrie, Larkin, Jenna, and I held on to Cobie’s hands. My head was resting on her shoulder when I saw her chest stop moving. Raising my head I kissed her lips one last time. “Until we meet again. I love you.”
I lost it.
“Mr. Tucker, I am so sorry.” Dr. Chang rested his hand on my shoulder.
Cobie lost her fight to cancer March twelfth, ten thirty one at night.
I saw face after face and nodded like I understood what they were saying but it was all a blur. I was acting on autopilot. I followed the motions but didn’t know what I was doing. If I heard one more person tell me ‘they were sorry for my loss’ or ‘I can only imagine how you feel’, I was going to scream.
They were sorry for my loss? What the fuck? Cobie was my wife not my cell phone. You lose your cell phone. You don’t lose your wife. And, no you cannot even begin to fathom how I was feeling. The one person that made my life feel complete again is gone. I would no longer make her coffee in the mornings or help her take a bath at night.
Scrubbing my hand down my face, I leaned over to Larkin and whispered, “I need to get out of here for a little bit.”
Larkin nodded and said, “I understand. I got Londyn. Take a break.”
I had done well at the funeral but now that people were gathering at our house I was losing steam. Everywhere I looked I saw Cobie. Her medicine bottles were on the kitchen counter, her cell phone was sitting on the coffee table. Her lotion was on the dresser, her makeup bag was open on the vanity, her boots that she hadn’t worn in months were still sitting by the back door, and her cherry red BMW was sitting in the garage. She was everywhere.
