Текст книги "Beautiful Misery"
Автор книги: Chandin Whitten
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Текущая страница: 7 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
“Dr. Emmons thinks maybe a few months after Londyn is born.”
Larkin wrapped Jenna in his arms as they both cried. Jenna looked up, her eyes meeting mine. For the first time it didn’t hurt to look at her. What hurt was knowing the girl I had my arms wrapped around wouldn’t be here this time next year. I thought my heart was broken when Jenna left. No. That pain was nothing compared to what I’ve been feeling these past few weeks.
Carrie covered her face. “No. I don’t believe it. You’re too damn young. I already lost your father. I can’t lose you too. There has to be something.”
Cobie ran her hand over her mom’s shaking head. “Mom, stop. I don’t want to spend these next few months angry. I have every right to be pissed at the world and turn my back on God. But, then I look at all of you and I feel Londyn moving around and I can’t be upset. I’m surrounded by those I love and I’m going to be a mom. That is something I always wanted and I get it. I’m scared. We all are. That won’t change anything. What’s going to happen will happen weather we are sad, mad, or glad. The fact is– Cobie’s voice shook– I’m going to die, soon. I want the months I do have to be good, happy memories. I don’t want cancer defining my life.”
My dad had been quiet the whole time, slowly rubbing my mom’s back. His deep voice startled me when he said, “Okay then. That is what we will do.” My dad looked at everyone is this room before he went on, “This isn’t about us. And, we would be selfish assholes if we didn’t respect what you’re asking. We all love you and Gage and support whatever decisions you two make.”
Smiling my thank you to my dad I added, “We both understand what we just threw at you. We are still trying to cope with it. We don’t want cancer to be our focus. We want life and Londyn to be are focus.
Cancer.
That one single word destroyed my family, my life. I hated it. It wasn’t fair. No one should have to go through this. Especially a young, healthy, beautiful women who was about to have my baby. I wanted everyone to believe that I was accepting reality. But, truth was, my anger was only growing.
The night was spent discussing what Dr. Emmons had told us and what our plans were.
We were all hurt. We were all pissed. We were all angry. We were all confused.
Fuck Cancer.
10
Cobie
I needed to get away, I needed to think. There was so much going on and it was only going to get worse. After everyone left all my emotions came to the surface. I needed some air. Somehow Gage and I would have to figure this out.
“Cobie, wait up!” I heard Gage yelling.
Stopping I kicked a few rocks with my boots, waiting for him to catch up.
Once he was close he started walking and dug his hand into his jeans pocket. Pulling out a small velvet box. He handed it to me but never said a word.
Taking the box from Gage I slowly opened it and was surprised to find a gorgeous ring inside. Snapping it shut I handed it back to him, shaking my head profusely. “Gage, what the hell are you thinking? We aren’t even dating!”
Gage smiled. “Cobie, relax! I know we are not together, we are friends. This is a promise ring. Not like the usual promise of one day I’ll marry you but a promise that I will always be here.”
Gage opened the box again and slid the ring out. It was a simple platinum band covered in pave setting diamonds with a round garnet that was surrounded by diamonds. “Co, I promise that no matter what we are in this together. I promise to you and our daughter to be the father she deserves. I promise that whatever happens our daughter will come first. Cobie, we may not be in love but we will share a love that no one else ever will. We have the love of our baby and I promise to love you both until they put my old cranky ass in the ground. I promise– Gage’s voice broke– that when you’re gone I will share silly stories with our baby. She will know how beautiful her mom was and what an amazing person he mom was. I promise to never let her go a day without telling her how much you love her.”
Gage lifted my left hand and slipped the ring onto my ring finger. Holding both his hands I said, “Gage, thank you. I don’t know how I would have done this or gone through this without you. You had every chance to run but you stayed. Very easily you can have said screw it and walked away. Knowing I will be leaving our daughter with you makes this journey a little easier. I will always be with you helping you raise her.” Looking at my ring, shining bright in the setting sun I asked, “Why did you get a red stone?”
Gage smiled and said, “It’s a garnet, Londyn’s birthstone.”
Staring at my new ring I couldn’t help the smile that crept across my face. Lifting my left hand I cupped Gage’s face. “You can be such an egotistical ass to the outside world but the real Gage Tucker is one of the sweetest guys I know. Thank you for this, for everything. One things for sure though,”
Tilting his head and letting that shit eating grin take over his face Gage played dumb. “What’s that?”
Running my thumb across his lips I said, “The sex is amazing.”
Gage winked when he said, “Yeah that is very true. But you sure are loud.”
Pouting playfully I said, “I’ve never heard you complain.”
Leaning his head back Gage laughed. “No, no I haven’t.”
Gage lifted me up and put his arm under my legs. Walking back in the direction of our house he said, “Maybe we should start practicing on you being quiet now. I’ve heard practice makes perfect.”
Tilting my head back to see Gage’s eyes I could see how dark and intense they were. They always got that dark stormy sea blue when he was turned on.
Joking I said, “I’ll see what I can do, but I’m not making any promises.”
Nothing else was said until we were in the house. Gage laid me on the couch then slowly lowered himself over me. I grabbed his strong arms and felt them flexing the lower he got, holding himself up. Hearing the deep growl that came from Gage had me squirming, trying to ease the ache between my legs. Reaching between us I felt Gage’s hardness pressed against his jeans. I quickly unbuttoned his jeans and slid my hand inside. Once my hand was wrapped around his erection Gage rested his forehead on mine. “Fuck, Co! Lay down. Now!”
Removing my hand, I did what Gage said. He softly kissed up my leg and up my swollen belly. Stopping just at my belly button and whispering, “Daddy loves you.” He looked through his lashed at me before continuing back down my other leg.
Gage’s hand found its way back up my leg and under my dress. He lightly rubbed over my panties causing me to groan. I had a love/hate relationship with these little games he liked to play. Turning me on then making me wait or teasing me to the point of screaming.
“Is this what you want?” Gage asked in his deep, raspy voice.
Looking up I saw Gage standing. He had his had wrapped around his large dick, rubbing up and down.
Licking my lips I nodded. “Uhh huh.”
Lowering himself, Gage positioned his erection at my entrance. “Look at me Cobie.” Moving my eyes so I was looking to him he slowly slid into me. “I love you, Co.”
Grabbing his shoulders I breathed out, “I love you, Gage.”
This was the first time Gage and I had had sex since I was told I had cancer. He seemed gentle. He took his time. It was like he was trying to memorize this moment.
“Gage, I promise I won’t break.”
Smiling down at me he picked up his pace. “This how you want it?” Arching off the couch I moaned. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Gage bit down on my earlobe.
Slamming into me harder, I heard the couch screech across the wood floor. There was the sweet, gentle, and loving Gage…then there was this Gage. The dominant, womanizing, and rough Gage. I liked the latter better.
“I want you to cum. I want you to orgasm so hard you’re screaming my name and your sweet juices are running down,” Gage gritted out between clinched teeth.
I was done for. Tossing my head back I yelled out, “Fuck, Gage. Oh God.”
“That’s it baby. Just like that.” Gage gripped the arm of the couch as I felt his dick pulsing. He shut his eyes and jerked. “Shit, Co. Fuck. You’re so damn tight.”
Gage slid out of me and scooted me so there was room for him to lay behind me. “I love how you look after you have an orgasm. Your cheeks get pink and your eyes are so bright.”
“Hmm.” I mumbled. All the stress was taking a toll on me. I was exhausted.
“Take a nap. I have a few things I need to do today.” Gage shimmied his way off the couch and kissed me cheek as he stood.
I was already half asleep by the time Gage whispered, “I love you. Be back in a little bit”
Gage
When Cobie and I found out we were having a girl she immediately started planning her nursery. She wanted her room to look like an open field full of wild flowers. The furniture she picked out looked like old barn wood. She wanted to go as far as painting clouds on the ceiling.
“Good afternoon, sir. Is there anything I can help you with?” A tall blonde asked from behind her desk.
“Actually, yes. I have an appointment to talk to somebody about designing a nursery for my daughter.”
The blonde smiled and said, “Of course. Take a seat and I will let our design team know you’re here.”
“Okay, thank you.”
A few minutes later a lady in her early forties came walking down the hall. “Mr. Tucker?”
Standing, I accepted her hand. “Yes. Please call me Gage.”
“Of course, my name is Wanda. Let’s go to my office and we can talk.”
I followed her down the sleek hallway that was lined with picture after picture of different rooms from different homes.
“Have a seat, Gage. I took a quick glance at your request. But, I would like to get more detail and go over a budget.”
Wanda took a seat in her large leather chair and pulled a folder in front of her. “To get a starting point so we know what we can and cannot do let’s go over budget.”
“There isn’t one.” I didn’t bat an eye at my comment, but clearly Wanda was having a hard time breathing.
“Oh. Well that makes my job a whole lot easier.”
I wasn’t an idiot I knew she got paid commission and I was ready to give her a hefty pay check.
“Since we clearly don’t have to worry about cost would you please give me a little more detail as to what you were wanting?” Wanda grabbed her pen, ready to take notes.
“I’m sure you saw this is a nursery for my daughter. Her mom wanted her room to look like an open field. She wanted the tall grass and golden weeds painted on the wall along with wildflowers. Realistic. Nothing whimsical.” I pulled my phone from my pocket and opened up the pictures. I had stopped on my way here and taken a picture of the open field behind Cobie’s mom’s house. Holding my phone out I showed Wanda who smiled. “She wants something just like this. She already has the furniture picked out. It looks like old barn wood. I could email you think link. Also, there needs to be clouds on the ceiling.”
As she wrote she paused to look up. “What about flooring?”
“It’s stays how it is. It’s a dark hardwood and my girl loves it.”
Did I just refer to Cobie as my girl?
“Can you email me that picture you have and the link for the furniture. I will draw something up today. I can email it to you either tonight or tomorrow. My team should be able to start this coming week and it should take only take three or four days to get this done since it will be mainly painting with décor. If that fits your schedule.”
I emailed her the picture before standing and holding my hand out to her. “Sound great. Thank you so much.”
I got the email that night with the picture she had drawn up. Cobie was going to love it. Now I had to figure out how to keep this from her.
Racking my brain I finally thought of something. Shutting the basement door so Cobie couldn’t hear me, I called her mom.
“Gage? Is everything okay?”
Yes. But, I have a favor I need from you.”
“God, you scared me. What do you need, honey?”
“Well, I have a surprise for Cobie but I need her out of the house for a few days. I was thinking of telling her I had to fly to New York for a few days but I wasn’t comfortable leaving her alone so I think she should stay with you while I was gone. But, you cannot let her come over here.”
“Um can I ask what in God’s name are you doing that she has to leave the house for a few days?”
“Surprising her with the nursery she has talked nonstop about since we found out Londyn was a girl.”
“The wild flowers and field?”
“Yes, so will you help me?”
“Of course, sweetie. Just let me know when to expect her.”
“The plan is to start the beginning of next week.”
“Okay. And, Gage, thank you.”
“Thank you? For what?”
“Proving Cobie wrong. When this all started she was terrified you would walk away or worse think she was some money chasing whore. I can see how much you both care for each other. I know this isn’t what y’all planned and life never is, but the way you two have grown together has a lot to say about the both of you.”
“I would never walk away from my child, regardless of how they were conceived. No, things for Cobie and I didn’t start out like normal but I wouldn’t take it back. And, I could never think that way about her. For one, I have respect for her and even only being around her a few times I knew she wasn’t like that. And two, Larkin would kill me.”
“Well, I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of my baby. I will see you soon.”
“No thanks needed.”
After getting off the phone with Carrie I made my way back upstairs where I found Cobie sitting at the kitchen bar. I told her that I had to fly back to New York and wanted her to stay with her mom for those few days. She looked a little sad but didn’t argue.
To be on the safe side I had Cobie at her mom’s house Sunday night in case Wanda and her team were early on Monday.
It took almost four days but the end product was worth it. Londyn’s nursery looked amazing. I couldn’t thank Wanda enough. As soon as her team was packed and out the door I called Cobie.
I didn’t wait for her to say anything, as soon as she answered I said, “Hey, sweetheart. I’m home. Why don’t you have your mom bring you over to have dinner with us?”
I heard her laugh. “Ok. How was your trip?”
Trying to hide my excitement I said, “It was nice. Now get your ass home, I missed my girls.”
“Calm down. We will be there in a few.”
When we hung up, I hurried and took the rest of the food to the nursery. I wanted to surprise Cobie by having a picnic on the rug in front of Londyn’s crib that was designed to look like a picnic blanket.
“Gage? Where are you?” I heard Cobie yelling from downstairs.
“Upstairs. Come here really quick, I have a question.”
I heard Cobie huff as she walked up the stairs.
“You made me hurry home so you could ask me a question?
Cobie
He was unbelievable. I had to hurry here just to come upstairs for some dumbass question.
My mom was walking down the hall beside me, a goofy smile on her face. Then I saw it. Gage was sitting on a picnic blanket, shirtless with a cowboy hat. But what was more amazing than that was he was sitting in Londyn’s nursery. It looked like he was sitting in the field behind my mom’s house.
Stopping in my tracks I covered my mouth with my hand and gasped, “Oh my God!”
The room was beautiful. The walls were an antique white on the top but the bottom was covered with golden wheat, field grass, and wild flowers. The crib I had picked out was in the corner. It had lace skirting the bottom. Opposite the crib was the rocking chair my mom had used for Larkin and I. How had I not seen that missing? The dresser was across from the large window over-looking the back yard. Sitting on the dresser was an antique looking lamp with a light pink lamp shade. There was a few classic books stacked next to the lamp and on the other end there was a stuffed pony. The changing table was what I was gripping onto so I didn’t fall over. Looking up I saw soft clouds on the ceiling and a crystal chandelier hanging in the center of the room with strands of pearls draped around it.
“How? I thought you had to go to New York?” I asked, shocked.
Gage smiled and slowly shook his head. “I didn’t. I just needed to get you out of the house so I could get the people in here to do this.”
Turning my head to look at my mom I accused more than asked, “You were in on this?”
She just smiled, letting her eyes twinkle.
Gage patted beside him, “Want to have a picnic?”
Instead of sitting beside him I sat on his lap. “Thank you so much. I love it.”
“Anything for you and Londyn, you know that.”
My mom blinked back her tears. “I’m going to go home and let you two have some time together.”
Gage said, “Thanks for the help.”
“Anytime, honey. Love you guys.” My mom blew a kiss on her way out.
“Love you too, mom.”
“So you really love it?” Gage asked a little nervous.
“More than you could ever know.”
Gage pulled me close to his chest and kissed me. “I want you happy, Cobie. I would do anything.”
“I’m beginning to realize that.”
And, I was. Gage was different from the guy I had sex with that night in his office. This Gage cared. This Gage wasn’t empty. This Gage looked happy.
My phone started vibrating and Gage jerked away. “Sorry, scared me. I wasn’t expecting that.”
Pulling my phone from my pocked I saw a text from Larkin.
Larkin: Jenna’s in labor. I’ll keep u updated. Luv u sis
Me: Sending lots of love and hugs.
I showed Gage my phone and said, “The twins are on their way. I hope Jenna and Larkin finally decided on names.”
“Knowing Jenna, it should be more like ‘you hope Jenna decided on their names.’”
Laughing, I said, “You’re probably right.”
A few minutes later I got another text from Larkin.
Larkin: C section. I will be a father of 3 in less than an hour.
Me: Good luck. Saying a prayer for mommy and babies.
Larkin: holy shit. 3 kids. I’m leaving the hospital with 2 babies. I think I need a shot
Me: Relax big brother. If you can handle wild child Evalyn Grace, these two will be a piece of cake. Love you. Send lots of pics.
On September twenty sixth at eleven thirteen in the morning my nephew, Nash Kevin was born weighing five pounds. Three minutes later my second nephew, Knox Henry was born weighing five pound nine ounces. And, according to Larkin, they looked identical.
11
Gage
“Gage!” I heard Cobie yelling my name from upstairs. She had been in a bad mood all day. I took it upon myself to disappear. I had come downstairs to work out, and well, mainly to avoid being Cobie’s punching bag.
“Cobie!” I yelled back, trying to be funny.
She had been losing strength the past month and I wanted to keep her as happy as possible. We only had nine days left before Londyn was supposed to make her appearance, until then, keeping Cobie happy and healthy was my main concern.
I knew she was dying. I wasn’t ready to face it so instead I focused on her wellbeing and our babygirl. I didn’t want to think about the future or how Cobie wouldn’t get to watch our daughter grow up. Life wasn’t fair.
“No, Gage. I need you. I think it might me time.”
She had been saying that for weeks now. She was just done being pregnant and ready to meet our daughter. The first few times I listened to her and took her to the hospital only to be sent home a few hours later and we were told she was having Braxton Hicks contractions. They were just ‘fake’ contractions to get her body ready for the real thing.
Rolling my eyes I yelled, “And why do you think that?”
Cobie waddled to the edge of the stairs, gripping her stomach. Her face was red and her eyes were filled with anger.
“Oh I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fluid that just covered your office floor, or the constant flow running down my leg. Or maybe it’s the killer contractions I have been having every three to four minutes for a few hours now. Maybe that’s why I think it’s time. How about you get off your ass, get our shit and drive me to the hospital.”
Oh shit. This was real. And I was not about to argue with a very pregnant lady who was in pain and pissed off.
On the ride to the hospital Cobie called her mom who said she would meet us at the hospital. Larkin and Jenna were next. They told her to keep her legs shut until they were at the hospital with their three kids, who were excited to meet their new cousin. How three month old little boys were excited to meet another baby was beyond me but it made her happy so I went with it. Next, she called my parents who were booking a flight while still on the phone. They informed Cobie she was not allowed to have their first grandbaby without them being there.
Arriving at the hospital, Cobie was immediately taken to a private room. Last time we were in the hospital there had been a small incident with the paparazzi and a few fans. I had made arrangements that day to have personal security for our room. I wanted this to be special. I wanted memories that I could cherish forever.
“Ugh! This hurts. This hurts so bad. Can I have an epidural now?” Cobie practically begged the nurse.
Her nurse was older and gave Cobie a sympathetic smile. “I need to check you first sweetie. You need to be at least three centimeters to get the epidural.”
Sitting on the edge of the bed her nurse pushed her blanket back and shoved her legs wide. Scooting so I was no longer in firing range I ran my hand across Cobie’s forehead. “I’m so sorry I did this.” I truly was. She looked like she could kill me but kept her mouth shut.
“Good news. You are right at three centimeters so I will go ahead and order your epidural, should be here within thirty minutes. Three centimeters down, seven to go.”
The nurse pulled the blanket back down and stood, pulling the glove off her hand before walking out of the room.
Cobie flopped her head back. “I’m only three centimeters? I have to get to ten. This will never happen.”
“On the bright side, hopefully my parents, Larkin, and Jenna have time to make it here.” That earned me a fierce glare and a few loud huffs.
Once she was given her epidural she was able to sleep for a few hours. While she was sleeping her mom and my parents had arrived. I filled them in and we all sat watching Cobie, as if she was going to disappear or the baby was going to crawl out of her belly button.
Cobie abruptly sat up her eyes wide. “Um Gage? I think I need to go to the bathroom. Will you get the nurse?”
Scrunching my face I said, “They put a catheter in when you got your epidural, its fine. Just pee.”
Her eyes got even wider as she shook her head slowly. “I don’t mean pee, Gage,” she gritted out.
Both my mom and hers stood at the same time. My mom looked at me, “I think she needs to be checked again. That may be baby Londyn causing the pressure she is feeling.”
Hitting the nurse call button I asked for Cobie to be checked again.
“Well sweetie, ready or not your baby is on the way. I will start setting everything up and page your doctor.” Cobie’s nurse typed into her computer before grabbing things out of cabinets and pulling shit up to the bed.
I took that brief moment to check my phone. I was hoping Larkin or Jenna had text me letting me know they were close.
Just as the nurse was attaching some strange looking bars with pedals to Cobie’s bed her doctor came through the door. “So I hear early morning is the best time to have a baby.”
This was it. This was the moment we had waited months for. We were about to become parents. Shit was about to get real.
My dad gracefully excused himself when the nurse started pulling the blanket off her and putting her legs in the strange bars.
“Hmm. Now I see.” I said out loud, not thinking.
All eyes shifted to me as the nurse gave a small laugh and said, “I’m guessing you’re talking about the stirrups? They help hold her legs in place while she pushes.”
Giving her a thankful smile I nodded.
“Ok, now Cobie we are going to wait for the next contraction. When I say push I want you to put your chin on your chest and push like you haven’t poo’d for days. I will count to ten then you can take a breath.” Cobie’s doctor took a seat at the foot of her bed and watched the monitor. “Everything looks good, you have a contraction building. Get ready and push. One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…push hard…nine…and ten. Deep breath, we’re going again. Push…two…three…”
“Wait! No baby until Aunt Jenna is here!” Jenna came busting through the door, Larkin close behind.
Cobie smiled but kept pushing as her doctor counted. “…and ten. Ok let’s take a break.”
Larkin stopped just inside the door, but Jenna came right up beside me, kissing Cobie’s cheek. “Told you I wouldn’t miss this.”
Cobie let out a sigh of relief. “I tried holding out but I swear it felt like I was going to shit my pants.”
Holding her hand I watched as another contraction started building and her doctor instructed her to push.
At four twelve in the morning on January third, the most beautiful little girl was born. Londyn Hope Tucker came into the world, lungs in full swing. She weighed six pounds nine ounces and was twenty inches long.
Absolute perfection– just like her mom.
The nurse wrapped Londyn in multiple pink and white striped blankets. Once she was bundled up the nurse picked her up. Looking at me and asked, “Daddy, would you like to hold your daughter?”
Reaching out the nurse sat my daughter in my arms. Snuggling her close I felt my tears burning in my eyes. This was my forever. This was my happiness. In that moment I knew what unconditional love felt like. Looking down at my small beautiful little girl I saw all the promise in the world. She made everything ok. Holding her in my arms I found peace.
Londyn blinked her eyes a few times before they finally locked with mine. She had Cobie’s dark brown, expressive eyes. Staring into her eyes, I realized everything I had been through in life was to bring me to the point I was at now. If Jenna wouldn’t have left me Cobie and I never would have happened. Londyn never would have been born. She was my purpose in life. For her I would do anything. Placing a tiny kiss on her nose I whispered, “Hi Londyn Hope, I’m your daddy.” She wiggled around, getting a hand free. She stuck her little fist in the air, as if she was searching for mine. Holding my large fist up I lightly bumped hers. She opened her small hand and wrapped her five itty bitty little fingers around my pinky. She already had me wrapped. Softly kissing her hand I said, “Daddy loves you more than the moon and the stars. You’re safe babygirl.”
Larkin was at my side. He sat his hand on Londyn’s tiny body. “She’s perfect man.”
Looking up I couldn’t help but smile. “Just like her mom.”
“Would you like to meet our daughter?” I asked Cobie. The doctor was finally done cleaning her up and was saying his congratulations.
Cobie looked tired but her smile never faltered. “More than anything.”
Gently, I placed Londyn in Cobie’s arms and took a step back. Cobie looked complete. Seeing her holding hold our daughter made me love her more. It made me realize I wanted us to be a real family. I love Co. I don’t want her to ever doubt that and I don’t want her to think when things get tough I’m going to run.
I needed to talk to Larkin. I wasn’t asking for his approval but I wanted him to know what I was planning. I already knew what sorta wedding Cobie would want. We had talked about that one night, what kinda wedding she would have had if given the chance. I wanted to give her that chance.
Cobie would already leave this earth without living her dream of becoming a doctor. I wasn’t going to let her leave without having her dream wedding.
Taking a seat in the rocking chair by the window I rested my head on my fist. I was exhausted. I wanted to sleep but I wanted to watch Cobie with our daughter.
“She’s beautiful, Gage. I can’t believe you’re a dad.” Jenna scooted her chair up to mine. Not looking at me but at Cobie and Londyn she said, “I’m proud of you. We’re growing up. We have families. I know this isn’t how you pictured our futures but we are both happy. Right?” When she asked she turned to look at me.
Studying Jenna I took a minute to think.
I am happy. I mean, I have a healthy, beautiful little girl. I love her mother and she loves me. Maybe I would be losing her soon but I would always have Londyn. She was my happiness. So then why do I still have an empty feeling?
Looking from Jenna to my daughter I smiled. “I’m as happy as I’m ever going to be. She makes me happy. She makes this ride a little easier. I don’t know how I’m going to do it once Co is gone but I will manage. It’s what I do. It’s what I have to do.”
Jenna placed one arm around my shoulders. “You’re a strong man and you have all the support in the world. You will…we will get through this. But right now, we won’t think about the future. We will focus on now. Focus on your new beautiful and healthy little girl who is the center of your world.” I forced myself to look away from my daughter and to look at Jenna. “The look on your face when you look at Londyn is a look of complete and total love, wonder, and awe.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. Londyn is the center of my world. And now, so is Cobie.
Cobie
I was a mommy. I was holding my daughter. This was real. She was real. I was surrounded by family and friends and welcomed my baby into this world. I did it. Now I had to make every day the best as I could.
“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart.” My mom ran her hand through my hair. “I can’t believe how much she looks just like you.”
Looking over my daughter I saw so much of both Gage and I. “She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.” Laying my head back I rolled it on my shoulders to look at my mom and asked, “How do I do this? How do I pretend everything is normal? It’s not. I’m going to…to die. I feel so damn guilty leaving all this on Gage. This isn’t his fault mom. He doesn’t deserve to be put through this.”
Smiling sweetly to hide her pain and tears, my mom glanced back at Gage who was talking softly to Jenna before she said, “Sweetie, he’s tough. He loves you. You have a new baby, a bond that can’t be broken. Gage is going to love you and that little girl always. Even if you’re here,” my mom’s voice softened as she said, “Or when you’re gone.”
There was a knock on the door before my nurse poked her head in. “I wanted to check your pain and make sure everything was ok.”
