Текст книги "Beautiful Misery"

Автор книги: Chandin Whitten

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Текущая страница: 6 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

8

Cobie

Three days after my doctor appointment I was watching Gage pack for his flight. His large suitcase was at the foot of his bed with clothes stacked next to it. I was curled up at the head of his bed, my head resting on my hand.

“Cobie, please don’t look so sad.” Gage tossed a pair of athletic shorts into his suitcase before walking around his bed and sitting beside me.

“It’s just going to be weird without you here. Just when we are starting to figure shit out and get life back to normal, you have to leave.”

Resting his forehead on my shoulder I heard him sigh. “You could come with me. Stay at my apartment in the city.”

“You know I can’t do that. I have a doctor’s appointment in a few weeks and you will be busy with football. I understand why you’re leaving. I’m just saying it sucks.”

Gage lifted his head and slowly brought his lips to mine. He ran his tongue over my lower lip as he shifted me onto my back, resting above me.

Just when our kiss was turning hot my phone started ringing. Gage pulled in a steadying breath as he leaned up and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

Sliding the answer button across my screen I answered, “Hello?”

“Is this Miss Nayler?”

“Yes, who’s calling?”

“This is Trish. I’m calling from Women’s Health Center regarding the blood work you had done. It seems your white blood cell count is down. Dr. Fleming would like you to call Dr. Emmons from University of Cincinnati’s Oncology team.”

Oncology? Like cancer?

“Dr. Fleming thinks I have cancer?” I asked, hardly above a whisper.

I avoided looking at Gage but I could feel him tense beside me.

“No ma’am. He’s not saying that. But with your white count being so low he wants to rule out the most dangerous first. More than likely it’s a vitamin deficiency but Dr. Fleming is just taking precaution.”

“Um. Ok, sure. Do you have the number for the doctor that Dr. Fleming wants to me see?”

“Yes, of course.”

Trish rattled the number off and I scribbled it on a piece of paper Gage had on his nightstand.

Ending the call, I looked straight ahead.

Cancer. I couldn’t have cancer. This couldn’t be right. I was only twenty. I was pregnant.

“Cobie? Will you please tell me what the fuck is goin’ on?”

Looking out the corner of my eyes at Gage, I said, “My white blood cell count is low. I have to see an oncologist.”

“An oncologist? Why?” Gage’s blue eyes clouded over.

“Gage, I might…”-my voice cracked-“I might have cancer. What am I going to do?” I dropped my head into my hands as my cries shook my body.

“Shh, baby. We don’t know anything yet. I need to make a few calls and let people know I won’t be back as soon as planned.”

I sniffed and said between sobs, “You have to.”-sniff-“go back. The team…they need you.”

Gage put his knuckle under my chin and raised my head so I was looking at him. “No, they don’t need me. You need me. I’m not going anywhere.”

It took a few hours but I finally calmed down enough to call Dr. Emmons and make the appointment. Since I was pregnant they wanted to see me the next morning at eight to get more blood and do a few scans.

I had decided that until we knew what was going on only Gage and I would know about this cancer scare.

Just saying the word cancermade me nauseous.

Walking downstairs I found Gage in the kitchen making grilled cheese and tomato soup.

“Cobie, you need to eat.” Gage dipped soup out of the pot and placed the grilled cheese on a plate. “Here, please eat.”

Stirring my soup I took a few bites before scooting the bowl away. “I can’t. I think I’m going to try and get some sleep.”

The sadness on Gage’s face broke my heart. “’Okay. And Cobie, don’t worry about this until we have a reason to worry, which I don’t think we will.”

“I hope.” I blinked back my tears and turned to walk out. Gage grabbed my arm and wrapped his arms around me. I felt protected. Being in his arms made me feel safe.

“God won’t do this to us. Our daughter and I need you. You can’t have cancer.” Gage lifted my head so I was looking him in the eye. “Cobie, I love you and we are going to raise our daughter together. Your stubborn ass isn’t going anywhere. Got it?”

Slowly, a smile formed on my face and I chewed my bottom lip. “I love you too, Gage. But, I am so scared right now. I just need you with me. I need to know that whatever happens our daughter will have you.”

“You and Londyn will always have me.” Gage pressed his lips to my forehead. “Want me to lay with you?”

“Please.”

Gage lifted me effortlessly into his arms and walked us back down the hall to his bedroom.

This place was huge. Every THINGlooked clean and sterile. Every ONElooked sick and tired.

              “Cobie Nayler?” The girl called out from the doorway.

              Looking at Gage, I fought back my tears and took his hand, walking toward the waiting girl.

              “Cobie?”

“Yes. Cobie Nayler.” I said, quietly.

“Hi, I’m Angie. Follow me please. Dr. Emmons would like to see you before any test are performed.”

Holding Gage’s hand we followed behind Angie, down the long hall to a large door. Angie knocked once before opening it and saying, “Dr. Emmons, Cobie Nayler is here.”

Angie pushed the door open wide and ushered us in.

Standing from behind his desk, Dr. Emmons held his hand out. “Cobie, nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Emmons.”

Shaking his hand I said, “Um…nice to meet you too.” I pointed next to me and said, “This is Gage, my um, he’s my baby’s father?” It sounded more like a question but Dr. Emmons didn’t notice, he just shook Gage’s hand before sitting back down.

Dr. Emmons laced his fingers together as he spoke, “Cobie, I’m sure you know why you’re here. Before we get to the heavy stuff I want to ask a few routine questions. Have you been feeling more tired than normal lately?”

Raising an eyebrow I looked at the doctor like he was a total moron. “Yes, I’m pregnant. I’m always tired.”

Dr. Emmons paid no attention to the sarcasm in my voice and moved onto the next question. “Have you found yourself being in a lot of pain in a certain area?”

“Actually my lower back. It’s worse when I’m active, more than normal.”

Dr. Emmons furrowed his brow. “Hmm. Loss of appetite?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Have you noticed any bruising?”

“No. I mean, I really haven’t looked but I haven’t noticed any.”

Dr. Emmons took notes and looked up at me. “Now, this is in no way saying you have cancer. This is to rule cancer out. I have ordered a few blood tests and a CT scan to determine if you do have cancer, and if you do, what kind. Chances are, since you’re pregnant you’re just experiencing a vitamin deficiency that has messed with your blood count. We will have your test back by this afternoon. I am putting a rush on your tests since you are pregnant. We want to hurry and rule this out so Dr. Fleming can figure out what is going on.”

“What happens if my tests do come back that its cancer?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking the question.

“If, and that’s a big if…if it is cancer, depending on the type and stage will determine our course of action. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start worrying before its needed. Just get your tests done and we will go from there. The nurse out front has the paperwork you need to take upstairs. When you’re finished you are free to leave. When we have the results, one of my nurses will call for you to come back in.”

Six hours later my phone was ringing.

“Hello?”

“Miss Nayler? This is Angie from Dr. Emmons office.”

“Yes?”

“Your results are in, Dr. Emmons would like to see you again today to go over the results. Can you be here at three?” Angie asked.

Glancing at my watch I saw it was two thirty. “Yes, three is fine.”

“Ok, see you then.”

I hung up my phone I looked to Gage. “They want us back at three.”

“They want us back so they can say everything looks great.” Gage gave me a sweet smile.

I didn’t have that same feeling. Something didn’t feel right. I knew it but I didn’t want to say anything to Gage. I had cancer. I knew it, I could feel it. I had to accept it.

Forcing a smile I said, “You’re probably right.

Sitting in Dr. Emmons office I looked at the books behind his desk. Hearing the door open I pulled my eyes to see him walk in. His face looked sympathetic, not the happy doctor from earlier.

Cancer. I had cancer.

“Cobie, Gage, I got the results back and I’m so sorry to tell you this but you do have cancer. You have a very rare form of bone cancer known as Osteosarcoma of the spine.”

My world stopped.

Swallowing hard I looked at Dr. Emmons and asked, “What are my options?”

Dr. Emmons dropped his head and rubbed his forehead before looking between Gage and I. “Your only chance at beating this is terminating the pregnancy. Your tumor is inoperable because of its location. Your only hope is aggressive radiation and chemotherapy. Neither of which you can do while pregnant.”

Feeling my tears streaming down my face, I shook my head. “I’m not losing my baby, our baby. What are my chances if I wait to do treatment until my baby is born?”

Gage laced his fingers with mine and said, “Cobie, this is your life. You have to fight.”

“Not if it takes our baby away. Londyn will be here in four months, what are my chances Dr. Emmons if I wait?”

Dr. Emmons looked between Gage and I then answered, “Honestly, not good. Without treatment you have 6 months to a year to live. This is a very aggressive form of cancer.”

Looking at Gage I said, “Dr. Emmons will you give us a moment, please?”

“Of course. This is a lot to take in. When you’re ready I will be just down the hall.” Scooting his chair back he stood and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Surprisingly I was calm. I had been preparing myself for this result. I had no other choice than acceptance. I had to accept this. Face reality and realize I wouldn’t get to watch my daughter grow up. See her first step, hear her say mama, watch her walk into school on her first day, help her get ready for prom, or talk about her first kiss. I was going to miss everything. But, I would miss it all so she could experience it. Terminating was not at option. Londyn would be born and Gage would raise her. That was the only reality I was willing to accept.

“Cobie? What are you thinking?” Gage’s eyes were misty.

“I’m not giving Londyn up. We are going to have a daughter and you’re going to raise her. I’m not going to do treatments. I want to enjoy my daughter and spend my time with you and her.”

Gage sucked in a breath. “I can’t lose you Cobie. I won’t lose you.”

“Gage, you’re not losing me. I will always be with you. I have cancer and I’m going to die within a year.”

I watched as a tear slid down his face, landing on his dark blue cotton shirt.

I would be gone before my daughter even knew me. I would only get a few months with her if I was lucky. I had cancer and I was dying. I could lay around and mope about it or I could live my life like anyone else and enjoy being pregnant and having my baby. That was all I had left.

“The fuck I ain’t, Cobie. You die. You’re gone. I lose you. You can’t do this. You can’t kill yourself.”

Grabbing both of Gage’s hands I held his gaze, “Gage, our daughter is growing inside of me, I am not going to do anything to jeopardize that. I have cancer. It fucking sucks but its life. I am not going to let this stop me from having our baby– from becoming a family. Even if it is just for a few months.”

Watching all the emotions roll over Gage’s face I wanted to curse God. Why would he do this? Was this my punishment for getting pregnant by my brothers best friend? I had so many questions running through my head. Letting my tears slide down my face I softly sighed. This was my choice and I wasn’t changing my mind. I would not risk my child just so I could live. I would never be able to live with myself if I terminated my pregnancy just so I could have a life. That isn’t what a mom would do. This wasn’t a hard decision. I didn’t have to think about it at all. Londyn was my choice. Being a mom and having a family was my choice.

Gage grabbed my face as his tears let loose. “I support whatever you choose. I want my family but how will I have my family if you’re gone? I thought the plan was to raise her together? We can’t do that if you’re not here.”

Placing my hand over Gage’s heart, I felt it racing. “Gage, I will always be with you, in here. You won’t be alone. Now, I’m going to go get Dr. Emmons and tell him what we decided. No treatment.”

Gage dropped his hands from my face and wiped at his eyes. Without saying anything he nodded.

Walking down the hall I found Dr. Emmons sitting at a smaller desk, looking at his iPad.

“Dr. Emmons, Gage and I made our decision.”

Looking up from his iPad, he gave a half smile. “Okay. Let’s go back to my office and talk.”

Following Dr. Emmons back down the hall to his office, I found Gage still in his chair, staring at his hands.

Dr. Emmons took his seat behind his desk, joining his hands under his chin. “Cobie has told me you have made your decision.”

Gage looked to me, pain written all over his face. “Yes.”

I leaned into Gage and wrapped my arm around his. “No treatment.”

Dr. Emmons sighed and said, “Cobie, you understand without any treatment you have very little chance of survival?”

Sniffing, I waited as the image of my doctor blurred as tears filled my eyes. “Yes, I understand. But, with all due respect I will not lose my child just so I can have a life. I will take these next few months that I have and cherish them. I want my family, if only for a few days or weeks or months. That is better than nothing. Nothing you say will change my mind doctor.”

Dr. Emmons smiled. “In no way am I trying to change your mind. What you are doing is incredibly brave and shows just how much love you have for your child.”

Pulling into our driveway Gage put his car in park and stared into space.

“Fuck! I can’t believe this is happening. We don’t deserve this. We deserve to be a family. To be happy. To raise our daughter together. Fuck cancer!” Gage slammed his hands on the steering wheel.

I had never seen this side of Gage. He was scary.

“Gage, don’t do this. Getting angry won’t do anything. We can’t change this.”

“Oh God, Co.” Gage hung his head. “I’m so sorry. I know there isn’t anything we can do. I just feel like I should be able to fix this. And, I can’t.”

I blinked my tears away. “I don’t expect you to fix this. I just want you by my side.”

Gage lifted his head and kissed me softly. “I’m standing right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

9

Gage

It had been almost two weeks since Cobie was diagnosed with cancer. Two of the hardest weeks of my life. This was tearing me apart. After she and I found out we were having a girl I felt like we had turned a corner only to smack face first into a twenty foot tall brick wall. It was too late to tell myself I would be fine without her. Fact was, I loved her. Being with her took away the hurt and emptiness. Now I was losing her, too.

True, one could say we wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for Londyn, and chances are they would be right. But, I had been attracted to Cobie since the first time I saw her walk into Jenna’s parent’s house the week of Jenna and Larkin’s wedding. I watched her all weekend. Then that night she came into my bar, she looked so innocent. I was drawn straight to her. I thought if I could just screw her one time she would be out of my system. Shit, was I wrong. That only made it worse, and to add insult to injury, the following days she ignored me and acted as if she didn’t even know me.

Sighing, I collected myself and started down the stairs. “I called my parents, they are flying in tomorrow afternoon. Have you heard anything from Larkin and Jenna?” I asked as I walked into the living room, where Cobie sat curled up on the couch. Her eyes were red and puffy. She had been crying.

Blinking tears out of her eyes she tossed her cell phone onto the coffee table and said, “Yep. Just got off the phone with Larkin. They are taking the first flight in the morning so they should be here sometime tomorrow afternoon, too. Now all I have to do is have my mom and Gramps come over.”

“Cobie, are we sure about this? I mean I want to be a dad and be a family but at the cost of losing you?”

I sat down beside her and pulled her feet into my lap. We were both silent for a long time, staring at nothing in particular.

“This was the easiest choice I have ever had to make. You know if you were me, you would pick the same thing. I’m going to have our baby and we are going to be a family for however long we can. I will not let this cancer beat me. I will die a happy mom who was blessed enough to bring life into this world.”

Why did God feel the need to take the only two women I loved away from me? No, Cobie and I were not in love like a married couple but we loved each other. She had become my best friend. She filled the void Jenna left. And now– now I was losing her too. My faith in God was failing. If there was a God, where was he? Why was he taking this beautiful, funny, smart, sassy, stubborn, and selfless woman? She still had so much she needed to do and see. So much more to offer. Her daughter needed her. Fuck, I needed her.

Speaking around the lump forming in my throat I said, “I need you, Co. How am I going to raise our daughter? She’s going to need her mom.”

Cobie raked her teeth over her top lip, pulling it slightly into her mouth. “I need you to promise me something. Promise me that Londyn will know who I am. That she will know how much I loved her and wanted to be her mommy. Promise that when you find someone, she loves Londyn like I would.”

Pulling her into my lap I rubbed my hand on Cobie’s belly. “She will know what an amazing woman you are. I will tell her every day. There will be no question as to how much you loved her. I swear, I will make it my life’s goal to teach her everything about you and the love you had to give. I will never find someone to replace you, Co. I can’t picture anyone but you to raise our daughter with. If it’s not you, I don’t want anyone else.”

She had a sad smile on her face, her eyes full of pain and unshed tears. “Gage, you will find someone who will make you forget all the hurt. I don’t want you to stop living your life when I’m gone. I want you to live. You have to.” Cobie’s voice started shaking. “I need you to be happy for yourself and for Londyn. I want her to see how wonderful her daddy is.”

“How did we get here? Just a few days ago we were the happiest people in the world and now we are discussing your death. Fuck!” I ran my hands through my hair, squeezing my eyes shut. “If there is a God now would be the time to work some miracles.”

Cobie rested her head on my shoulder. “Gage, you can’t think like that. Now is when you have to have your faith. You need to trust God. I’m still battling with my anger but I have faith. I need you to, too. I need you to believe.”

“How can I believe in God when he is ripping you away from me? I want to have faith and believe that everything will be ok but then I think about my life without you and I lose all hope.” She snuggled into me and I inhaled her sweet lavender scent.

“I’m here now, let’s enjoy the time we have and not think about the future. Live one day at a time.” Cobie fisted my shirt in her hand and let out a soft sigh. “We can get through this, I promise.”

Running my hand through her long, dark hair I fought back tears. Leaning down I kissed her just above her ear and whispered, “Go to sleep, I can see how tired you are.”

She barely got her nod out before her soft snores filled my ears. Carrying her down the hall I gently laid her down on my bed, pulling the covers over her. I watched as her chest rose and fell with her breathing. She brought her hand up and curled it around the sheet, pulling it closer to her face. She looked so innocent, so beautiful. So perfect.

Shedding my jeans and shirt, I climbed into bed and pulled her to me. Bringing her hand to my mouth I gently kissed it. Hugging her tight to me I whispered, “I love you”.

She made a soft humming noise as a small smile formed on her lips. “I hoped you did. Night, Gage.”

My eyes popped open and I was hoping I just had a really bad nightmare. Rolling my head on my pillow I saw Cobie lying next to me. Not a nightmare. Grabbing my alarm clock I read the time, ten forty three in the morning. I maneuvered myself from under Cobie and grabbed a pair of gym shorts. Pulling them on, I made my way downstairs to my workout room. I had a lot of anger to work through. A lot of pain to drowned out.

Stepping on the treadmill I hit the power button and started running. Running helped clear my head.

It seemed like I just started running when the door opened. Cobie stepped through and looked at me. She looked tired. She didn’t look like the happy pregnant mommy to be.

“Jenna just text me, they just landed so they should be here in an hour or so. I don’t want to worry them so can we please act like everything is ok, at least until tonight when everyone is here. Then we can tell them why they all needed to fly out here.”

Stopping the treadmill I grabbed a towel off the rack and wiped my face. “I will do my best, Cobie. I don’t know what you expect me to do. I can’t act like everything is perfect, I have never been good at hiding shit.”

“I’m not asking you to act like life couldn’t be better but we need to hide our pain for just a few hours. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t think it’s too much.”

“Fuck, Cobie! How much more are you going to ask of me? First, you ask that I raise our daughter alone. Second, it’s making sure our daughter knows about you. Third, you ask me to move on and find someone to be a family with. And, now you’re asking if I can act as if none of this is happening. I can only do so much.”

I saw the hurt in her eyes. I hated myself for causing her anymore pain.

“You think you have it bad? You weren’t the one who was just told you were going to die. At least you will be here when our daughter grows up. I am going to miss everything Gage. I was asked to choose between our daughter and my life. I haven’t asked you anything near as difficult as what has been asked of me. My answer was simple. All I’m asking is you throw on a fake smile.”

In a few strides I was standing in front of her. “Cobie, I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be taking this out on you. I have so much anger and hate inside. Maybe it would be best if I just left for the day. I will be back before my parents get here.”

Cobie dropped her eyes. “Gage, please don’t leave me. Don’t run. Not now. Not when I need you the most.”

Grabbing her face I ran my thumbs across her cheeks. “I’m not leaving you and I sure as fuck ain’t running. You want today to be as normal as possible and I can’t promise that. I don’t want to add more stress to you.”

Wrapping her small hands around my wrists she said, “I’m asking you to stay, please? I can’t face my brother alone. We only have a few hours before your parents and my mom gets here. We can do it, together.” Her voice was pleading, her eyes begging.

She needed me. I needed her. We had to be brave and get through this together.

Kissing the top of her head, I let my lips rest in her hair and said, “I’m here. We will do this together.”

I felt Cobie relax under me and her little breath tickled my bare chest. “Thank you, Gage.”

Pulling back I looked her in the eyes. “Thank you, Co. We will get through this, I swear.” Palming her cheek, she leaned into my hand and closed her eyes. “I will stand by you through this. I won’t let you go, Co. You’re not fighting this alone.”

I watched as tears fell down her cheek. “I’m so scared, Gage.”

“Me, too, Cobie.”

Opening her eyes, she looked up at me and a huge grin formed on her face. “No offense but, you smell horrible.”

Laughing, I dropped my hand from her face. “It’s called working out sweetheart, sweat happens.”

“And now, a shower should happen.” Cobie reached behind me and smacked my ass before turning away from me.

I stood there watching her walk away, not wanting to think about life in the future. I had to think about now and what I had. Getting mad and upset wasn’t going to change anything. Cobie would still have cancer. She needed me to be strong for her and I would do that. She didn’t need me hating the world. I was going to stand beside her and fight like hell to make her last months the best. We were going to be a family, not a family who has cancer.

After a quick shower, I pulled on my boxers and a pair of jeans. Grabbing my t-shirt, I tossed it over my shoulder and went to find Cobie.

“Have you ate lunch yet?”

She looked up from her laptop and shook her head. “No. I was going to wait until Jenna and Larkin got here. We could have lunch with them.”

“I can grill some burgers, if you want. You could make some of that kick ass potato salad I love and baked beans.”

“Ok. Will you call them and see where they are so I know when I should start cooking? My phone is upstairs charging. I forgot to plug it in last night.”

“Yep.”

Sliding my phone out of my pocket I pulled Larkin’s number up and hit send.

“What’s up?” Larkin answered.

“Co wanted me to call and see when y’all would be here. She wants to make lunch.” I could hear Evie yelling in the background. She was yelling something about cows.

“We should be there in about twenty minutes. She doesn’t need to cook for us. We can stop somewhere, it’s not a big deal.” Larkin said.

“Your sister wants to. It’s nothing big, just burgers, potato salad, and baked beans. Quick and easy.”

“If y’all insist, then that’s fine with us. See you in a few.”

“’Ight. Bye.” I hit end and locked my phone screen, sliding it back into my pocket. “They should be here in twenty minutes. I’m going to fire up the grill and get the burgers goin’.”

A little over twenty minutes later I saw a black Audi SUV pulling into my driveway. “Co, your brother and Jenna are here.” I yelled through the screen door.

I went back to the grill, grabbing my beer and taking a long pull. I finished the beer off and tossed it into the garbage. Opening the refrigerator under the grill I grabbed another beer and popped the top off.

“Hey, you.” Jenna said from behind me.

Not turning to look at her I said, “Hey.” I couldn’t look at her. If I did she would see something was wrong. She knew me.

“Need any help?” Jenna took a few steps closer.

“Nope, I got everything out here.”

“Hmm. Cobie told me you could use my help.”

“Oh. I don’t know why she told you that but I have everything under control.”

“Gage, what’s wrong?”

I chanced looking at her. She looked huge. She had almost three months left before she was due but from the look of her I didn’t give her more than a month.

Pasting a fake smile on my face I said, “Nothing. Why would something be wrong?”

“I don’t know, but something is up. When Cobie called last night she said we had to come out. She wouldn’t tell us anything more. I swear if you two did something stupid like run off and get married I will kill you.”

Nearly dropping my glass beer bottle I choked out, “No. We sure as shit didn’t get married. Damn, Jenna. Could you have a little faith in me?”

Laying her head on my shoulder she sighed. “I know, I’m sorry Gage. I just want to know why we are here.”

“You will find out soon. We are just waiting for my parents and her mom. They should be here in a few hours. Until then let’s just enjoy the day.”

“Ok. I will go get you a plate for the burgers.”

Walking into the living room I saw my parents sitting together on the couch, Carrie was on the floor with Evie, Gramps was sitting in the rocking chair, Jenna was on Larkin’s lap in the chair and Cobie was curled in the corner of the loveseat. Her resolve was fading. Her smile wasn’t as bright as it had been earlier and her eyes were showing more pain than happiness. She looked like she could break at any moment.

Taking a seat next to Cobie I pulled her to my side. Leaning down I whispered, “Ready?”

She nodded.

Jenna scooted around on Larkin’s lap, uncomfortably. “Ok. So, we are all here. Will one of you please tell us why?”

Leave it to Jenna to not so subtly ask what the hell was going on.

She already had tears running down her face. Jenna looked from Cobie to me then back to Cobie. “Please tell me what is going on. Now I’m getting really scared. Don’t tell me you lost the baby. That can’t be true.”

Both Cobie and I shook our heads. I pulled her closer to me. “I will tell them.”

She looked up at me. “No, I have to. I need to.”

I kissed her nose. “I understand.”

Sitting straight, she reached for my hand. Wrapping my hand around hers I rested my other hand around her shoulders, keeping her close to me.

“I’m sure everyone is wondering why we made y’all come here so quick. No, we didn’t lose the baby. She is still healthy and perfect. I am the one that isn’t.”

Cobie’s mom walked on her knees so she was sitting directly in front of us. “What are you saying, sweetie?”

I squeezed her hand letting her know I was there. I would always be there.

“I had to have routine blood drawn two weeks ago. After they got the results they sent me to a specialist…”

Larkin cut in, “A specialist? For what? Cobie, cut the shit and just tell us what the fuck is going on.”

She pinched her eyes shut and spoke softly, “I have cancer.”

I barely heard her but the room fell silent. Everyone had heard.

Jenna gasped, smashing her hand over her mouth. “Cancer?”

My mom burst into tears.

Cobie’s Gramps asked, “What are they going to do.”

She couldn’t speak. I spoke for her, “Nothing. Cobie and I made the decision against treatment. Treatment meant losing Londyn and that was not an option for us.” I brushed a tear away. “We are going to cherish these next few months and enjoying being a family.”

Carrie wrapped her arms around Cobie’s legs. “Few months?”

Cobie took a few deep breaths and between cries said, “Yes, mom. I have Osteosarcoma. It is a very rare and aggressive form of cancer. I have a year at most but Dr. Emmons said with my pregnancy the cancer would most likely progress faster than normal.”

“How long Cobie?” Larkin asked, his voice weak.