Текст книги "Beautiful Misery"
Автор книги: Chandin Whitten
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Текущая страница: 14 (всего у книги 18 страниц)
21
Gage
Three months. That’s how long it had been since our hotel hook up. Every chance I got I made the drive from the apartment I was renting in New Orleans to Fairhope. I loved spending time with Annie. What I loved even more was how well Annie and Gabe fit with Londyn and myself. I’m sure to an outside eye we looked like a family. We felt like a family and that scared me.
Annie loved Londyn. Watching them together made me realize how easily I could fall for her. Or was I already falling for her?
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jenna. Do you have a minute?”
“Gage, you sound nervous. Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know.”
“Hold on one second. Evalyn Grace, get over her and pick up your toys like mommy said or I will throw them away.” I heard Evie crying. Jenna turned her attention back to me. “Gage, you still there?”
“Yeah. You sound busy though, I will let you go.”
“What? No, Gage. Tell me what’s going on.”
I rubbed my eyes. Holding my phone between my head and shoulder I picked Londyn up. “I don’t know what to do.”
“About…” Jenna asked slowly.
“Annie. We have been doing this friendly fuck thing for three months. I like her, Jenna. Like, a lot. We agreed though that neither of us wants anything more. But, just thinking about another guy touching her or flirting with her has me worked up. When I’m away from her I miss her. Everything. The way she smells like vanilla. The way her dark hair falls into her face. Her blue eyes twinkling when she plays with our kids. The way her face wrinkles up when she gets aggravated. The way my heart picks up by just seeing her…all of it.”
Jenna was silent. I heard her sniffle before saying, “Gage, you’re falling for her.”
There was no way. Was there?
“Why don’t you talk to her? You need to talk to her, not me. Tell her what you just told me. She would be crazy not to love you back. I know she guards her heart because of her past, as do you. But, I’ve seen the two of you. You’re perfect.”
“Jenna, I can’t love her.” Londyn started wiggling around. I sat her back and the floor and watched as she crawled to her pile of toys.
“Can’t or won’t?”
“There isn’t a difference.”
“Yes there is. I figured that out myself. Aren’t you the one who told me not too long ago, and I quote ‘ It takes a strong heart to love but it takes a stronger heart to continue to love after being hurt’? You have experienced enough hurt for a lifetime. I hate saying I am one of those people who hurt you, but you can’t let that hold you back. You loved me, but I couldn’t love you. You loved Cobie, but she’s gone. You love Annie, but you’re not giving her a chance to love you back. That’s not fair to you or her.”
I hated the Jenna still got upset about what we went through. It wasn’t her fault. I knew she wasn’t in love with me. Looking back, I’m not entirely sure I was truly in love with her either. We had always been with each other, things with her felt safe. I wanted to know she would never get hurt. I knew with me she was safe. Keeping someone safe doesn’t really define love. After everything she had been through I didn’t want her to be alone. I was the answer.
“Jenna, nothing in the past is your fault. I knew the entire time, I just didn’t want to face reality. I was afraid of losing you. Back then, if I lost you, I lost everything. You walking away from me was probably one of the best damn things you ever did for me. Because of that, I fell in love with Cobie and became a daddy. I just don’t think my heart is strong enough to love again. I don’t think I can risk it.”
“Don’t make me out to be some saint. I fucked you over. You were my best friend and I let you rescue me from something that was my own fault. I should have told you no from the beginning. I wasn’t fair to you. But, I didn’t want to lose you, either. And now, you’re not being fair to Annie. I’m not saying go and profess your love to her. Just talk.”
Sighing, I fell back into the couch. Londyn turned her head, smiling. She looked so much like Cobie. “I wasn’t supposed to go to Fairhope until tomorrow. Maybe, after the game and interview tomorrow I will drive home and surprise her.”
I could hear Jenna smiling through the phone. Her voice a little more light hearted. “It will be worth it, trust me. You two seem perfect for each other. She makes you happy. You deserve someone who makes you smile.”
“She does. Thank you, J. For everything. Love you.”
“No, Gage. Thank you for always being there. I’ll talk to you later. Love you, too.”
I tossed my phone onto the couch beside me and watched Londyn. It was crazy that she was almost one. That Cobie had been gone for eight months. She missed Londyn rolling over, laughing, playing in the sand, saying “Dada” for the first time, crawling, and taking her first steps. The tightening in my chest had me rubbing my fist on it. I missed her. Being with Annie eased the pain. Jenna was right, she made me happy. Very happy.
Hearing my phone chime, I picked it up and saw a text from Trent.
Trent: Hitting up Sinners & Saints. You game?
Me: Nah. I have Londyn.
Trent: Babysitter bro.
Trent: Kline’s wife said she would watch her. No excuses. Get ur ass over here. Guys night.
Me: Fine. Be there around 8.
Maybe that’s what I needed. A night out with the guys and a few drinks. Loosen up a bit. My mind was on overdrive lately. All consumed by one very sexy woman.
Annie
“Night, Leigha. See you tomorrow,” I said walking toward the front door.
She wrapped Gabe into a tight hug and kissed his forehead. “Love you, buddy. I will see you tomorrow night, okay? We have a big date planned.”
Gabe nodded his head excitedly and said, “Night Aunt Leigha. Love you, too.” He ran inside the house, leaving the front door wide open, of course. If I didn’t know any better I would swear he was raised in a damn barn.
Leigha opened her car door before turning to me. “Night, bitch. Don’t masturbate too much. Gotta have something left for Gage when he gets home.”
Snorting, I rolled my eyes. “Bitch, please. Gabe sleeps with me most nights. No chance of any freaky business going on. And I’m sure the batteries are dead in B.O.B. anyway.”
Leigha laughed and got into her car. “See you tomorrow. Kiss kiss.” She waved out her window as she backed out of the driveway.
Walking up the sidewalk I looked into the dark night sky. Gage was the first person since Derek that I had let in. He knew about my past and didn’t judge me because of it. I was falling for him, hard and fast. Taking a deep breath, I walked into my house, closing and locking the door behind me.
Grabbing the remote I turned the television on. Gage was doing an inside interview with Sports Report in New Orleans before coming back to Fairhope. I was missing him since his last three games had been out of town. Maybe seeing his face would help my problem.
Gabe walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. “Can I have a snack mommy?”
“Sure, baby. What do you want?”
Gabe crinkled his face before saying, “Strawberries, please.”
As I made my way into the kitchen I heard Gabe yelling, “Mommy, Gage is on T.V.!”
Grabbing the strawberries from the refrigerator I sat them on the counter so I could see into the living room. I was welcomed by Gage’s bright blue eyes and killer smile on my television. He was laughing about something the reporter had just said and as he started talking Gabe interrupted, “Mommy, why do they like talking to Gage?”
“I guess because he’s so good.” I really wasn’t sure but that answer sounded good to me. I’m sure they wouldn’t want to talk to someone who sucked. Looking at the strawberries, I started slicing them into a bowl. I was listening to the interview and the welcomed sound of Gage’s voice.
“Mommy, who’s that lady?” Gabe asked, sounding confused.
Just as I brought my eyes to the television there was a picture of Gage and a red head. Her head was tucked into the crook of his arm and he was holding her close as they walked from the building to a black car. The reporter asked, “We haven’t seen much of you since becoming a daddy, but you were caught last night leaving the downtown hotspot, Sinners and Saints. Am I correct in guessing this pretty girl is your girlfriend?”
Feeling the knife slipping from my hands I let it fall to the counter. He didn’t say anything about going out last night when we talked earlier. I felt like I had just been punched in the heart. This fucking hurt.
“Mommy, are my strawberries ready?”
Sucking in a breath, I grabbed the bowl of strawberries and walked into the living room. Sitting down beside Gabe I handed him the bowl. “I guess that lady is Gage’s friend, baby,” I said fighting tears.
“I thought you were his friend,” Gabe said innocently.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. Pulling Gabe closer to me I kissed the top of his head. “After you eat your snack, it’s bedtime.”
Gabe took a big bite and smiled. God, I loved that smile. “Ok, mommy.”
Staring at the television as Gabe devoured his strawberries, a million thoughts ran through my head.
Why did he go out?
Who was the red head?
Did they have sex?
Why didn’t he tell me he went out?
How can I explain to Gabe why Gage won’t be around anymore?
Am I not good enough?
Pretty enough?
Is he not happy with our sex?
Why does this hurt so damn much?
Should I give him the chance to explain?
“Mommy? Are you going to open the door?” Gabe asked, pushing my arm.
“Huh?” I looked down at him, confused.
“The door, mommy. Some body is knocking. Maybe it’s Gage. I miss him.”
Scooting off the couch I shook my head. “Trust me, it’s not Gage. He’s still in New Orleans. He won’t be back until sometime in the morning.” Seeing Gabe’s face fall broke my heart. How am I going to tell him he won’t be seeing Gage ever again? UGH! Sometimes being a mommy was the hardest job in the world.
Looking through the window I saw him. Gage was standing on my front porch. What the fuck? Opening the door just enough to get out but so Gabe wouldn’t see Gage I shut the door behind me. Gage was instantly pushing his hands into my hair, pulling me too him. Just when his lips brushed mine I pushed him back. I crossed my arms, taking a defensive stance. “What do you want?” I asked. Letting my hurt and anger come out with my voice.
Gage frowned and asked, “No hello kiss?”
Pursing my lips, I put my hands on my hips. “I don’t have time for this Gage.”
“What the fuck is your problem?” Gage asked, confusion written all over his face.
“Not a damn thing. I just came to some realizations tonight while watching that entertaining interview of yours.”
Gage took a step back. “It was just some damn girl. I don’t know why you’re getting pissy about it. So what, I had a few drinks with some woman, I can do what the fuck I want. In case you forgot, we are not together. You were the one that told me you didn’t want a relationship, you weren’t ready. We are both free to do shit we want.”
“Go home, Gage. Fuck whoever, whenever. I’m done with your shit. I don’t need this. I know you did more than have a few drinks with that bitch. I know how you are. You need sex like I need fucking air. I’m not going to be your on-call bootycall. You can take your shit elsewhere.”
Gage narrowed his eyes and I could see his jaw ticking. A sign he was highly pissed. Good. “Stop being such a bossy, know it all bitch. We both agreed what this was. You can get pissed as fuck over something you think happened. That’s your problem, not mine.”
Throwing my hands up, exasperated, I yelled, “I don’t fucking think. I know what happened. It’s who you are, a man whore. And please, spare me the damn details. I don’t want to even think about your dick being shoved into someone else. I told you I’m done with your shit. I’m going inside to put my child to bed. When I come back downstairs, I don’t won’t you here.” Turning on my heal I opened the door and slammed it behind me, locking it.
“Who was it, mommy?” Gabe asked as he picked up his toy cars.
“It was no one important. Ready for bed, buddy?”
Gabe dropped his cars into the toys box and ran up the stairs. He really was my saving grace. My past may not be the best but my present and future are amazing, all because of that little boy. He changed my life and I will never be able to thank him enough.
Tucking Gabe into bed, I switched on his nightlight. “Sweet dreams, Gabriel. I love you.” I kissed his cheek and brushed the hair off his forehead.
“Don’t let the bed bugs bite, mommy. Love you.”
Laughing, I shut off the light. “Night, baby.” I shut his door and slowly walked down the stairs.
Going to the front window I looked out, a part of me hoping I would see him. Gage’s car was gone. He was gone. For the first time in years I felt empty and alone. I was used to feeling numb until I met Gage. He made me feel alive again. Now, I felt the weight on my chest and the burning in my eyes welling up. I knew he was trouble. I should have trusted my gut instinct and told him to go to hell. Instead I followed my heart and look where that got me. I was alone, again. But this time it hurt so much more.
Turning off the lights downstairs, I drug my feet up the stairs and into my room. Not bothering to change, I flopped onto my bed and let my tears go. Crying myself to sleep for the first time in years.
“Annie!” I heard Leigha calling my name from across the bar.
Trying to act like I couldn’t hear her I walked through the crowd toward the employee locker room. Once I reached the door I looked over my shoulder to see my best friend making her way straight for me. Damn.
“Annie! Wait, I need to talk to you. You have to tell me what’s going on. I need to know if I should tell Gage to fuck off, or if I should tell him you’re PMS’ing and you just need a few days.”
Opening the door I stepped inside, thankfully no one else was in there. Jerking my head in the ‘come on’ motion I said, “Hurry up.”
Leigha jogged into the room, closing the door behind her and locking it, making sure no one could get it. Turning to me she said, “What the hell happened with you and boss man? I left last night and everything was daisies and butterflies. Then, this morning he came stomping in here throwing shit around, pissed at the world. I asked him what was wrong and he told me I should talk to you. That you know everything and you’re perfect. Of course, I rolled my eyes and told him I already knew that. He huffed and shook his head then walked out the door. I looked out the window and saw him peeling outta this place. So could you please explain to me what the hell is goin’ on?”
Opening my locker I shoved my purse inside, slamming the door shut. Leaning on the locker, I rested my back on the cool metal. “Leigha, I’m a single mom of a five year old boy. I don’t have the time nor do I have the desire to play his damn games. Gabe is my only concern. I want him to have a father figure in his life but not someone as hot and cold as Gage is. When Gage is happy it’s all fairytales and sunshine but when he’s upset its nightmares and tornados. And there is no warning signs as to which Gage you’re going to get. I don’t want that around my son. He needs something stable and comfortable.”
Leigha sat down in one of the chairs in front of me. “Annie, you have been through a lot. You lost Derek before little man was born so you have done this all on your own. Your family was no help and Derek’s family wanted nothing to do with you or your son. I’ve seen the way Gage looks at you and Gabe. He loves you, both of you. Maybe it’s not all rainbows and butterflies all the time but no relationship is. Have you even told him that you’re falling in love with him?”
Shaking my head I said, “Hell no. It’s been three months. We’re not even together, together. I guess just friends with benefits kinda thing. He has told me a million times he doesn’t want a relationship. And I can understand that. We come from similar situations. He lost Londyn’s mom when she was just three months old. I’m afraid of getting in too deep again, losing it all, and getting hurt. I don’t want to feel that again. Even if that means I’m a single mom the rest of my life. Gabe is the only man I need in my life.”
Leigha smiled when she said, “Sweetheart, you’re already in too deep. I think it’s time you put your ass kickin’ boots on and tell Gage how you really feel. Operation Gettin’ Gage.”
Sighing, I rubbed my temples. I was starting to get a migraine from all this back and forth with Gage. “Maybe I should talk to him, but first I have to work. I will go to his house later.”
“It’s supposed to rain today, we won’t be that busy. I’ll have Barker cover for you. Now go get your man.” Leigha opened the door and shoved me out.
“Umm, I need my purse if you want me to kick ass and execute Operation Gettin’ Gage”, I grumbled.
Leigha winked and went to my locker. Grabbing my purse she tossed it to me and said, “Now go!”
The drive to Gage’s house was a blur. Pulling into his driveway I put in the code for the gate. Watching it slowly open I took a deep breath. “It’s now or never, Annie,” I said to myself.
Once the gate was open I drove up the long palm tree lined driveway. Stopping in front of his house I saw his Mercedes parked in front of the garage. Parking behind it I took on last look at myself in the visor mirror before getting out. I looked tired. I was tired. I was tired of this roller coaster ride with Gage.
I walked up the four steps to Gage’s front door and knocked.
No answer. Asshole.
I knocked again, but a little harder.
Still nothing.
I wiggled the door handle. It was unlocked. Opening the door I peeked my head in but saw no one. What the hell? His car was here so where was he?
I yelled out, “Gage? Are you here?”
Then I heard it. Those annoying bimbo type giggles. The kind that make you cringe. They were coming from the back of the house.
Slowly, I walked through the house. I barely made it in the kitchen when I saw Gage and some skank on the deck. Gage was sitting in a lounge chair, beer in his hand. The blonde bimbo was topless sitting on his lap. I wanted to vomit. Making a gagging, strangled sound I turned on my heels and started for the front door. Just as I reached the front door I heard Gage’s panicked voice yelling, “Annie!
Jerking the door to Gage's house open I ran down the steps. It was starting to rain and I welcomed the coolness. Letting the cold rain numb me, numb the pain. I should have never taken Leigha's advice and surprised Gage. Look where that got me...running in the damn cold rain from the sight of Gage and some slut.
"Would you stop for one God damn minute?"
Stopping in my tracks, I turned and slammed into Gage's hard chest. Pushing off his chest I took a few steps back.
"What, Gage? What do you want?"
"You dammit! I fuckin' want you and all your bitchy bossiness," Gage yelled, throwing his hands up.
"Screw you, Gage Tucker! I am not bossy. I just know what you should be doing. And this shit ain't it. I should have never came here. Funny thing was I came here to tell you I wanted to be with you, I wanted more than just sex with you."
"Would you let me fuckin' explain?" Gage asked, almost pleading.
I took a few more steps back, and crossed my arms over my chest, attempting to protect myself from anymore hurt. I narrowed my eyes and slightly tilted my head, giving him the go ahead.
Gage scrubbed his face. The rain hitting his tall, hard body. "I didn't know you wanted to be with me. You never even gave me the slightest fuckin' clue that you wanted something more than just being friends with me. If I knew that even for one damn second you wanted me no one else would have mattered. I have lost everyone who has meant something to me. I don't want to lose you too."
“Blah, blah, blah. Fuck you! It's always something with you, Gage. It's never your fault, is it? For once in your life will you admit when you mess up?"
Gage grabbed my waist, pulling me so I was pressed against him. Both of us soaked from the rain. "Dammit woman. I fucked up. You know that. I know that. I know it's my fault. I can't go back and change shit. This is me saying I'm sorry that I'm such a fuckin' ass."
Reaching up I pulled his face down to mine. He may be an ass, but damn if I wasn't falling in love with all his fucked-upness.
"Gage, you drive me batshit crazy but never have I ever wanted anyone like I want you."
Attacking my mouth like he needed it to live, he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He walked us backwards until I felt the trunk of his car hitting the back of my thighs. He sat me on the trunk, never releasing my mouth. His hands were undoing my shorts and yanking them down.
I shoved my hand into his shorts, pushing them and his boxers down. He was rock hard. Pushing me back so I was lying down with my legs hanging over the edge he slammed into me. “I want this hard, Annie. I’m not going to be easy. I need this to be rough and fast.”
I nodded. Gage grabbed my legs, placing them on his shoulders. He slid out of me, then fast and hard, he was back inside, balls deep. “Oh. God, Gage.”
“You look so fuckin’ good right now. Your sweet pussy spread out for me. I swear, later I will take my time and taste every inch of you. But, not now.” He kept up his punishing rhythm. The rain beating down on us, adding to the heated desire between us. With every thrust he pushed me closer and closer to ecstasy. He knew my body, he knew what I liked. He brought one hand to my swollen, tender clit. Using his thumb and middle finger he squeezed my swollen bud, rolling it in circles. My cries echoed through the trees surrounding his house. As I was crashing into the pool of sated desire I felt Gage releasing his hot seed inside of me. He stilled, his breathing jagged.
“Fuck, Annie. I couldn’t control myself. You’re breaking me down.”
Kissing his swollen lips, I breathed out, “I know the feeling.”
