Текст книги "Only You"

Автор книги: Stephanie Rose

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Текущая страница: 9 (всего у книги 17 страниц)

Evan and I didn’t make it home until after midnight. We were headed back to my aunt and uncle’s house for Christmas Day, so the finality of it all hadn’t hit me yet. I expected to break down tomorrow evening with the rest of my family.

“Hey, you feeling okay?” Evan pulled me closer to him on the couch. I plopped my purse on the floor when we traipsed through the door and planted myself there, staring into space.

“Yeah, my stomach is a little upset, but my nerves are shot.” I cuddled into Evan’s side and wrapped my arm around his waist. Towards the end of the night, it was hard to swallow any dessert. Maybe my body was reacting physically to what I didn’t let myself feel.

“It’s Christmas, officially. And I think you said I had a present under the tree.” Evan smirked at me and I chuckled back.

“I don’t know . . . were you a good boy?” I raised my eyebrows as he kneeled in front of me.

“Oh, I’ve been a very . . .” Evan picked up my hand and gave me a soft kiss on the back of my hand. “Very . . .” He kissed my other hand and leaned in closer. “Very good boy.” He gave me a soft kiss on my lips and painted kisses down my neck.

“Mmm . . . I think I’m almost convinced.” Evan laughed as he ran his hand up my leg, lifted my dress and ran his lips across my nylon covered thighs.

“Under the tree, next to the radiator.” Evan stopped to meet my heated gaze.

“You’re so easy to break, Ms. Taylor.” He kissed the tip of my nose and headed towards my four-foot prelit tree.

My knee bounced up and down as he ripped open the package. I put a lot of thought into his gift, and I hoped he loved it.

“Paige, where did you . . .” Evan’s voice trailed off as his eyes grew wide. He was stunned and speechless, which I hoped was a good thing.

“One of my clients is a huge Beatles fan. I asked him where I could get an original record of Hey Jude and he found it with one phone call. I wasn’t sure if you wanted it since you can’t play it, unless you have a record player I haven’t seen. But John Lennon signed the cover . . .” Evan drifted his hand across the album before placing it on my coffee table. He turned back over to me and pulled me to stand before crashing his lips to mine.

“Thank you. I don’t even know what to say . . . my mother would have flipped if she saw this. This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten. Ever. I love you so much.” He brought his lips back to mine even as my hands drifted to his waist.

I lifted Evan’s shirt out of his black pants and slipped my hand up his chiseled stomach and his chest. I raked my nails over his abs and unbuckled his pants.

“Know what I always wanted to do?” I licked the seam of his lips as he pulled up the hem of my dress.

“What’s that?” Evan’s words were a throaty whisper as he pulled my dress over my head. He ran his hands down my chest and inched my tights and panties down, then bent to trail open mouth kisses over my exposed skin. A moan escaped me as I dropped my head back and grabbed his head to pull him closer.

“Make love under the Christmas tree.” My knees buckled as Evan’s tongue dipped into my belly button and inched closer to where I wanted him the most.

Evan stood and unhooked my bra and dropped it on the floor.

“Wait . . .” My voice was strained as Evan cupped my breasts and ran his thumbs over my rigid nipples.

“I always seem to be at a bit of a disadvantage . . . being the first one naked.” I unbuckled his belt and pulled it from the loops around his waist. It landed with a thud next to my heap of clothes on the floor. I unbuttoned his shirt and dragged my tongue down his torso and up along his collarbone with each newly exposed inch of flesh.

“Shit Daisy . . .” Evan grabbed my face to kiss me but I pulled back, shaking my head.

“I’m not done yet.” I parted his shirt and tugged the sleeves down his muscular arms. He was too fucking beautiful.

“I love it when you look at me like that.” Evan gazed at me with hooded eyes; he pulled at my hair as I ran my mouth all over him.

“Like what?” I looked up at him and batted my eyelashes.

He chuckled and shook his head. “Like you want to eat me alive.” His breath hitched as I grazed my lips down his shoulder and sank my teeth into his bicep.

“You do taste really good.” I licked my lips and shrugged. “That may leave a mark. Sorry.”

I slipped my hands inside the waistband of his boxer briefs and slid them down with his pants.

I settled on my knees in front of Evan and tried not to salivate at the huge erection extending up past his belly button.

“So now I’m naked like you wanted,” Evan’s voice was low and husky as he cupped my cheek and ran his fingers through my hair. “What are you going to do with . . . fuck, Paige.”

I ran my tongue along the underside of his cock and then took him all the way in my mouth as I wrapped my hand around the base. Evan was too big for me to take all of him in. He was only halfway in my mouth and already testing my gag reflex. I pulled back and wrapped my lips only around the tip and then took him back in as much as I could, alternating licking and sucking. I smiled as my six foot four boyfriend was reduced to whimpers as he pressed my head between his legs.

“God that mouth is so good . . . just like that . . . so good . . . so fucking good.”

Before Evan, this wasn’t my favorite thing to do. It was a special occasion or birthday activity that I hurried through as quickly as possible. Evan gave me so much love in every possible way, I reveled in giving him something like this. Something solely for him. He deserved everything I had, and I loved giving it to him.

“Stop, Paige!” Evan pushed my head back and knelt on the floor before me. He took my lips in a fierce kiss that made me wetter than I already was. Our tongues and teeth collided as our passion exploded. He climbed on top of me and ran his fingers along the wet and swollen flesh at my core. Evan hissed as he buried his head in my neck.

“You’re soaked. Please . . . I need you right fucking now.” With one thrust he was already deep inside. I was already close as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

“Harder.” I whispered in his ear as Evan moved faster. My legs shook as he brought me closer and closer to the edge.

“Paige, I want you to, please . . .” Evan bit his lip as his breathing quickened.

“What, babe? Anything.” I held his face in my hands as he moved inside me. There was something about the way he was looking at me; like he was afraid I would disappear if he let me go. The need in his eyes made me fall apart under him. Evan pulsed into me shortly afterwards and collapsed on to my chest. I rubbed his back as he shook in my arms.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He picked his head up to look at me and shook his head.

“Nothing, Daisy.” He kissed my forehead and rested his cheek against mine, his breathing still heavy. “Just got a little intense there for a second. Holy shit, that was incredible. I think we should keep the tree up all year long.” Evan chuckled as he nibbled on my swollen bottom lip.

I let out a deep breath. “That was amazing. I’d give you a standing ovation but I can’t move my legs yet.”

“By all means, let’s stay right here.” Evan stood and sauntered his glorious naked body over to my couch to grab a blanket and pillow. He shut my lamp off while he was there, so the only lights surrounding us were the white twinklers from my Christmas tree

Evan unfolded the blanket as he lay down on my rug and then pulled me into his chest. “What kind of weird blanket is this? It has arms?”

I giggled as we cuddled under it. “It’s a Snuggie. You know, like on TV? My mom got it for me for Christmas last year. And don’t knock it, it’s the best gift she’s ever given me. See?” I put my arm into one of the sleeves as I curled into Evan’s side. He propped the pillow behind his head and pulled me closer.

“Sure, Daisy. Get me one, too.” I nudged his side as he snickered at me.

“I’ve never been naked under the tree before. You’re setting the bar pretty high for next Christmas . . .” My voice trailed off. “This was probably the toughest, but best Christmas I ever had. I loved watching you with Jack Junior.” Evan’s smile grew wide and he shrugged.

“I’ve always loved kids and little Jack isn’t just any baby, he’s my godson. I’ll have pretty big shoes to fill. Jack entrusted me with a lot. I can’t let him down.”

I kissed his cheek. “Jack Junior already loves you. You were a natural. And . . . nothing is hotter than a sexy man holding a baby.”

“Is that why I got bitten again tonight?” Evan kissed me across my cheek and sucked on my earlobe. “Animal.” I laughed as he whispered in my ear. Evan pulled back and ran his fingers through my hair. “I always wanted brothers and sisters so I want a ton of kids when I have my own family.”

I leaned my elbow against Evan’s chest and rested my head on my hand to peer down at him. “What does ‘a ton’ mean to you? Like two?” I crinkled my nose at him and he laughed.

“I’ve always pictured a big family. And besides, you would look hot pregnant.” Evan splayed his hand on my stomach.

I furrowed my brow. “Do you see that for us? Married, having kids . . . ?” Evan nodded without hesitation.

“Yeah, I see it all the time.” Evan ran his fingers through my hair and pulled me closer by the nape of my neck. He gave me a slow, sensual kiss and pulled me on top of him. “I see everything with you.” His tongue flicked the seam of my lips and I happily granted him entry.

I wanted that, too. God I wanted it so effing bad, but something held me back. Nothing to do with him, but something wasn’t right with me. I hoped the wish that finally came true wouldn’t get ripped away.

“Ev, what time is it?” Jack put his face in his hands and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Ten,” I answered.

He grunted out a curse as he leaned back in his chair.

“Want to know what time I went to bed last night? Seven o’clock. I only worked two hours a day over the last week. It’s pointless to come in at all, isn’t it?”

Jack was never one to show his emotions, but if I were him, I’d be frustrated as fuck to not have any kind of energy—especially knowing the active guy he always was.

“No, Jack. Never pointless, so stop saying that shit. Hopefully, this girl works out and makes things easier for both of us.”

We desperately needed extra help. I couldn’t keep a good handle on all our jobs, plus make sure the billing was done and our bills were paid. I was good with my hands, but awful with a checkbook. I marveled at how Jack had been able to accomplish this by himself for so long.

Ellie had a friend who was looking for a job, and had great experience as both a bookkeeper and office manager. Jack was determined to get himself into the office so we could both talk to her, even though he’d already met her. These days he could barely keep his eyes open, but he still wanted to feel involved and I would never take that away from him. As long as Jack was still here, he still ran this company with me, even if just with his presence.

“I told you we could have had her come to your house.” It was heartbreaking how every move Jack made took so much damn effort. Even crossing his legs made him wince. His shirt and jeans hung from his gaunt frame, and the swelling of his ankles made it hard for him to walk.

“Stop fussing, I’m fine. After we see her I’m gonna go for a run. Want to come with?” Jack smirked as I rolled my eyes. Always the wise guy.

“Why don’t you get another transfusion? It helped last time, right?” Jack didn’t look up as he shook his head.

“Transfusions are for the living, bro.” He shrugged with an unnerving peaceful smile.

I didn’t want him to be so at ease with this. I wanted him to fight until the end, squeeze every single second out of his life, even if it just delayed the inevitable. Jack acted as though he’d check out of life like a hotel, and that set off a rage in me.

“You’re living until you stop breathing, asshole.” I wasn’t ready to lose him. None of us were.

“That’s deep. Beatles?”

I was about to get in his face when the doorbell rang. I glared at Jack as I traipsed over to answer. There was a tall and slender brunette on the other side of the glass, huffing and tapping her foot as though she had been waiting forever, not two whole fucking minutes.

“Jessica?”

She let out a deep breath and nodded. There was a hint of a smile on her face. “Jessica Hunter. You must be . . . Evan?”

“Yes, come in. Sorry to keep you waiting.” Actually, I wasn’t sorry because I hadn’t left her standing in the cold, but if this woman could file and knew QuickBooks she could huff at me all she wanted.

“You didn’t, I have another appointment later on today and didn’t want to be late. I’m a little OCD about punctuality.” Jessica strolled into our tiny back office in stilettos and sat down in front of Jack’s desk. The heels made her easily six feet tall.

“Hi Jack. How are you feeling?” She put her hand on his and he shrugged.

“Still here. Thanks for coming in. Ellie said you were between jobs and may be interested. We need someone in the office maintaining the job schedules, billing and all the other extra shit that we’ve been trying to do ourselves but fucking up royally. How do you feel about that?”

“Sounds just fine to me. I can use any accounting software you have and I have an obsession with organization. You guys wouldn’t have to worry about a thing. How many days would you need me?” Jack looked at me.

“Five days, eight to four, sometimes a random Saturday or Sunday if we get extra jobs. Would that work for you?”

“Yes, that sounds perfect. Ellie told me the salary and that’s fine too. I can start immediately.”

After going through a slew of questions on accounting software, payroll, and past experience, Jack raised his eyebrows at me and I nodded.

“Tomorrow okay?”

Jessica answered me with a big nod. “Tomorrow at eight, it is. Thanks, guys!” She wasn’t bad looking when she smiled and showed teeth. That didn’t matter, though. My heart belonged to the blonde I left sleeping at the butt crack of dawn.

“Thank you, Jessica. We really need the help.” Jack clutched the arm rests of his desk chair as he pushed himself up little by little. Jessica seemed to notice the trouble he was having and caught his arm to have him sit back down.

“This is a great opportunity, and Ellie is a sweetheart. Happy to help you out.” Jessica turned back to me. “See you tomorrow at eight.”

As Jessica made her way out the door, I had the feeling we’d end up working for her. Jack was right, the place was a mess and all the billing was late. If she wanted to take over and boss us around, she could have at it.

“You’re a good partner, Evan. Not that I had any doubt, but you really stepped up. In case I haven’t said it, thank you.” Speaking without getting out of breath was becoming taxing for Jack, along with everything else.

“Yeah, you thanked me, many times. Nothing you wouldn’t do for me. I owe you and your family so much. Without all of you . . .”

“Without us nothing. We offered you a place to go when you wanted to clear your head. A lesser person would have let his life go to shit and use what happened to you as an excuse. You didn’t, because that’s not who you are. Glad I hung around long enough to see you finally get the girl.” Jack laughed and lowered his head.

I let out a long sigh. “Well I don’t have her yet”

“Dude, trust me. You do. What’s the sad puppy dog face for? You make everyone around you nauseated with how into each other you both are.”

“I almost proposed on Christmas.”

“Holy shit.” Jack leaned back in his chair as his jaw dropped. “What do you mean by ‘almost’?”

I put my face in my hands and rubbed my eyes. “It sort of . . . came out during . . .”

“Please, I’m too weak to throw up. I told you, bro. I don’t need details.” I laughed for the first time all day.

“Since we’re on the subject.” Jack folded his arms. “What stopped you?”

That was a great question. I loved Paige, so much it scared the shit out of me. But the urge to ask her to marry me during sex was something I never expected. Thank God I bit my lip and stopped myself. What if I scared her off?

“It’s only been a few months.”

“You’ve known Paige since we were kids, and have been in love with her for most of that time. Time doesn’t mean shit when you know what you want. If it’s right, you take it. My aunt is going to make some mother-in-law. Good luck with that.” I chuckled as I nodded.

“I’m going to be short a best man.” Jack nodded in reply as he pulled himself up and trudged over to my desk.

“I’ll be there somehow. I wouldn’t miss it. Maybe they’ll let me turn water into wine for you like Jesus did at that wedding. You’d save on the bill.”

I shook my head. “You would be ballsy enough to ask to do that.”

“Ellie’s coming to pick me up. I’m like Aunt Rose and can’t stay awake at the wheel. Just . . . remember what I said, okay?”

“Yeah, you go ahead, I’ll lock up here.”

Jack smiled and let out a deep breath as he looked around.

“Someone is going to clean all this shit up. I’m so fucking excited.” He turned to me and raised his eyebrows. “Go see your girl. It can wait, all this.”

“Quite the philosopher lately.” I smirked and Jack laughed.

“Yeah. Cancer made me Yoda. Who knew? I mean it, though. Go.”

“I will Jedi master.” I gave him a fake salute.

“I wish I had the fucking force right now. It could put me in Ellie’s car without having to walk.”

“You need help, man?”

Jack shook his head and put his hand up. “As long as I’m still breathing, I’m living, right?”

“Right.” I returned his sad smile.

Jack lumbered out the door and I picked up my cell to call my father.

“Hey, Pop. How are you feeling? Listen I have a question for you. Is mom’s engagement ring still in the safety deposit box?”

Hospice. The doctors could bullshit us all they wanted, tell us this was a good thing; how Jack would get the best care at home and would be kept as comfortable as possible. But we all knew what the word meant. This was the home stretch. There was nothing after hospice.

Jack’s bedroom turned into to a fully functional hospital room with home care bed and nursing around the clock. Thankfully, my godson was only a few months old and wouldn’t remember any of this. Seeing Jack unable to get out of bed, or even keep his eyes open for long, killed me. I dreaded coming every day, but there was no way I could not go. I spent a few hours with him and gave Ellie a little break. I worried constantly about her, too. She seemed so stoic, almost like a machine. Once she actually let herself feel, I was terrified it would break her.

Every day I said my good-byes, got in my car, and wondered if that was the last time I’d see my cousin alive.

The fact I was bone tired and full of aches and pains each morning didn’t help. There were no conclusive results in all those blood tests I took before the holidays other than a high level of inflammation. Dr. Ramirez asked about any stressors in my life that I could avoid that may be causing my symptoms.

I’d love to not have someone close to me die a little each day before my eyes, but unfortunately that wasn’t an option. Plus, I knew it was more than just simply stress. Stress alone didn’t make a fever spike to over one hundred degrees a few nights each week. So she took more blood, sent it for more testing and now I was waiting with no answers, again.

“You got skinny, cuz. You’re not doing that stupid cleanse again are you?”

Jack’s raspy voice was full of sleep. I rested on the futon next to his hospital bed and watched TV as Jack drifted in and out of slumber.

“No.” I laughed at the irony. “I didn’t need the gym, or weird cleanses. I just needed to get pneumonia. Best diet ever.” I gave Jack a sarcastic thumbs up. He shook his head as he pulled himself up. I jumped up from where I lay down to adjust the pillows behind his back.

“I don’t like that you’ve been sick for this long. I know Evan is worried as all hell. Promise me you’ll see another doctor.” I chuckled at Jack’s wrinkled brow.

“Don’t worry about me; I’m fine. You just get . . .” Better? Was that what I was about to say? Even after watching the harsh reality become more real by the minute, my toes still liked to wade in denial.

“Evan likes to baby me. You should see him get all worked up every time I even clear my throat.” Jack lay back on the pillows, still glowering at me. “It’s pretty adorable, but we’ll figure it out. I went for more blood tests and should know something soon. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Of course I worry about you. I’ve worried about you ever since I can remember. It’s a fucking full time job since you’re always in trouble.” Jack raised his eyebrows at me and I rolled my eyes.

“Stop being dramatic.” I sat back down and leaned my elbow on the edge of his bed and to rest my head on my hands; I narrowed my eyes.

“You were always in some kind of trouble. Even when we were little.” Jack laughed. “Remember that one Christmas Eve, we were maybe seven, you snuck into the living room and opened two presents after Aunt Tess told you not to. Then she wouldn’t let you open presents at all until almost the end of the night.”

“You used to open them, too! I was just unlucky enough to get caught.” Jack cracked up at me to the point of almost choking. I stood and patted his back until the coughing subsided. He was still laughing when I adjusted the nasal cannula that provided him oxygen.

“It’s all in the execution, Paige. I did it when my parents were sleeping—with my Cub Scout knife, and slid the packages back in. You tore everything apart, then said you had no idea how that happened. That maybe—” Jack clutched his chest and started laughing again, “Maybe Santa just forgot to wrap those. You shamed blonde girls all over the world that Christmas.”

“I thought you were so mad at me that year. They wouldn’t let you open your presents until the end of the night, too.”

“I wasn’t mad. I was allowed but I told my dad I didn’t want to open them until you could. I didn’t want to make you feel even worse.” Jack bit his lip as he looked at me. I sucked in my cheeks to keep the tears prickling at my eyelids from spilling over. Jack had always done things like that for me. I would never know about every time he protected me or looked out for me. All I knew now, is that he wouldn’t be around to do it anymore.

“You’re right. What am I going to do without you?” My jaw trembled as I squeezed Jack’s hand.

He offered a feeble attempt to press back. “You’ll be fine. You’re smarter and tougher than we all gave you credit for.” Jack looked up at the TV. “What are we watching?”

I mostly read or just stared into space in Jack’s room, I didn’t really notice what was on TV.

“My Girl. The movie with Macaulay Culkin when he was high from his Home Alone fame. We saw this before when we were little.”

“Where he dies, and she’s screaming in the funeral home to put on his glasses? Why the hell are we watching this? Things aren’t upbeat enough around here? Give me the damn remote.” Jack huffed at me as he snatched it from the edge of his bed. “Ah, Cops rerun. Perfect. Didn’t you date that guy in the handcuffs?”

I laughed as I dashed at my eyes so that Jack wouldn’t see.

“So where do you think things will end up with you and Evan?” Jack held his gaze at the TV as he continued flipping channels.

“Evan is . . . he’s amazing, Jack. Just, everything about him. How he’s still so sweet after what he’s been through, the way he takes care of his father, even though he doesn’t deserve it. I like watching him light up when I walk into a room. I don’t think I’ve ever made anyone do that.”

“Evan is definitely all about you. I tease the shit out of him, but I love it. It’s a relief to know you have someone like that. You deserve it. You always did, regardless whether you thought so.”

“I’m all about him, too. Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll scare him off.”

“Oh, please. You should hear him talk about you at work. I should check on Paige. I should get that for Paige. Paige and I did this . . . went here . . . He goes on all day. He once lapsed and called you ‘Daisy,’ and we busted his balls for days.”

I nudged his arm. “Don’t tease him like that.”

Jack grabbed my hand. “He never cared. He just smiled and laughed with us. That’s the kind of guy he is. Think you could name your first kid after me? Doesn’t have to be the first name, since too many Jack’s may make it confusing. Just so you guys don’t forget me or anything.” Jack gave me a sad smile. I stood up and kissed his cheek. He’d gotten so thin that his dimples were gone, and my lips just touched bone.

“We will never, ever forget you. If I know you, you’ll find a way to be around. So I’ll never have to say good-bye.” I shrugged and smiled, and tasted the tears that I tried to stop from falling. Jack clutched the back of my head and kissed my forehead.

“Never say die, right? Okay, bad choice of words.” He chuckled and looked away; his eyes watered now, too. “I will always take care of you, cuz. Always.” Sobs ran through me as I buried my head in Jack’s chest. Jack, for once, stayed quiet. As I pulled away, my forehead was damp. Jack was finally crying, too, which made me sob even harder.

“Hey, listen, you’ve been here all afternoon. Why don’t you go home and come back tomorrow after work. Evan said he’s stopping by after he closes the office.” He looked over at the clock.

“I’ll go say good-bye to Ellie and the baby.” I took a deep breath, now not even bothering to hide my crying. I had a gnawing feeling in my gut as I shrugged on my jacket. It was the same feeling I had since I first heard the word ‘leukemia,’ so I shook it off.

“See you later, pain in the ass. I love you.” I gave Jack a big smile that he returned, his blue eyes still twinkling.

“See you later, ditzy blonde. I love you, too.” I fell into Jack’s chest again and he wrapped his arms around me. We held on to each other tight. It reminded me of the hugs we gave each other at graduations, on his wedding day, and when his son was baptized–special days that meant a lot to us. Everything we did, we did together. Jack was in my heart and soul as much as I was in his. Even death couldn’t change that.

I left his room, kissed Ellie and the baby, and traipsed out to my car parked up the block. How many cousins, or brothers and sisters even, were as close as Jack and I were? For the first time in months, I felt lucky and blessed.

I went home, and fell back on my couch. I didn’t realize I drifted off until the buzzing of my phone next to me woke me up. Ellie’s name flashed on my screen, and I froze in place. She called over and over again but I couldn’t move. The buzzing stopped, then started again. This time Evan’s name came up.

No one had to tell me what I already knew. Jack was dead.