Текст книги "Only You"

Автор книги: Stephanie Rose

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Only You by Stephanie Rose

Copyright © 2015 by Stephanie Rose

All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted on any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental.

Except the original material written by the author, all songs, song titles, and lyrics contained in the book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

Cover Design:

Najla Qamber Designs

www.najlaqamberdesigns.com

Interior Design and Formatting:

Christine Borgford at Perfectly Publishable

www.perfectlypublishable.com

Editing:

Brenda Letendre at Write Girl Editing Services

Table of Contents

Only You

Dedication

 

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Epilogue

 

Author’s Note

Acknowledgements

About the Author

To Mom and James

You came with me to hell and back, and I know you’d do it again in a heartbeat. Thank you for being my strength and my voice when I had none.

My eyelids were weak and heavy. All I did now was sleep, but I was still too tired to wake up. I didn’t even remember how I got here.

It took a pathetic amount of strength to lift my head and glance over the tray of food. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but pretty sure it was late. Why they thought I wanted crackers now was beyond me. They can’t really expect me to eat, can they? Swallowing anything was torturous thanks to the deep open sores that trailed down my throat. Water burned, so the thought of eating anything was as appealing as chowing down on sandpaper—and would probably feel the same going down.

I curled into the fetal position as I shivered and rubbed at my skin to get warm, and felt the pointy bone through the flesh of my arms. I reached for the covers and winced at the pain in my fingers as I gathered up the scratchy fabric and pulled it over my aching shoulders.

It hurt to move. It hurt to breathe. Most of all, it hurt to think.

The life I wanted, with the man I wanted, haunted my dreams.

You own me. Can’t you see that?

You’re mine. You’re everything.

I . . . can’t see my future with anyone else but you.

I finally found what I’d been looking for my entire life, but I couldn’t keep it.

The sound of voices yelling outside my hospital room snatched me out of my thoughts. I pushed myself up, panting at the exertion it took to sit upright. I leaned back on my elbows and pushed myself up. My heart leaped in my heavy chest when I recognized the voice causing the commotion outside—the voice I’d know anywhere.

“I need to see her, please.”

Evan? No, no, no. I didn’t want him to see me like this. How did he find out I was here?

“I’m sorry, sir. Immediate family only. This is the ICU.”

“I’m not leaving. Paige? Daisy, it’s me!” My heavy head dropped to my hands. The sobs that ran through me made it difficult to breathe, thanks to the oxygen tubes filtering through my nose.

Pushing him away was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I did it for him. I didn’t want to let him go. I wanted him to hold me, tell me he loved me and know he would never leave me. I wanted that so fucking much it ached.

“Sir, please. She’s a very sick girl.”

In time, he’d see. He deserved someone who could give him a life, children, and a future. All things I can’t offer him, no matter how much I wished things were different. He deserved better than this, better than me.

The door was half closed but opened with such force that it banged into the wall and made me jump. Evan marched up to my bed and took my face in his hands. His hay-colored eyes filled with tears as his hands shook.

“I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.” His voice quivered with emotion, but I wasn’t sure if it was sadness, rage, or a combination of the two.

“Now, you’re going to tell me exactly what’s going on. And why you lied to me.”

One year earlier

“Jack? Ellie? You guys up?” I banged on my cousin’s front door with my elbow, holding a tray with three coffees in one hand and bag with a dozen bagels in the other. Still sweaty from the gym, with no free hand to wipe the moisture from my brow, I hoped one of them heard me and was headed for the door. I breathed a sigh of relief when the lock clicked.

“Cuz, you are the best!” Jack took the bag and tray from me and I followed him inside.

“Yeah, that’s what you keep telling me. Where’s Ellie, still sleeping?”

“Yep. I’ve learned a few things about pregnant women these past few months. They cry all the time, they sleep a lot, and they’re horny as all hell. Number three helps me tolerate numbers one and two.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I smacked him on the arm.

“Not the visual I want at nine o’clock in the morning, pig.” I shoved his arm as he set everything on the table but the coffee was saved by their plastic lids. This was the most my cousin had been himself in months. Disgusting comments from him actually warmed my heart.

I plopped myself at their kitchen table, to create space to eat my breakfast among the clutter of pill bottles and mail. Jack took a seat next to me and rested his head on his hand. He eyed me with a smirk.

“What? Stop staring and spit it out.”

He chuckled and shook his head. “I never thought I’d see the day that you’d become a gym rat. Every time I talk to you now you’re heading to the gym, coming back from yoga, or on your way to Zumba. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy you’re getting out of your apartment for reasons besides work. Just find it a little funny.” He shrugged as he spread cream cheese on his bagel.

My cousin and I had always been close, and it irritated me how he could see through me. He was more like a brother to me, like a twin brother since we share the exact same birthday. He was born at 11:37 A.M. on March eleventh, and I was born at noon. We were both only children, but he tended to think of himself as my older sibling, and honestly that half hour jump did make him a little older and wiser than me at times—not that I would ever tell him that.

“I like the gym. It’s a great stress reliever and I’m in better shape than I’ve ever been. I’m trying to change things up, be—”

“A brand-new Paige Taylor. Yes, I’m familiar with the speech.” Jack rolled his eyes and shrugged. “I’d like to see you get back out there and enjoy life a little, not hide from it.”

“I’m not hiding, Jack. Really. I just want to be alone for a little while. Nothing wrong with that.”

Jack shook his head. “Nothing wrong at all. I don’t miss that tool you were with or that nasty friend of yours.”

I shrugged. “I have no one to blame for that debacle but myself.”

Jack set his coffee cup on the table and gave me an irritated sideways glance.

“This should be good. How was catching your best friend screwing your fiancé your fault?” Jack leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed.

I let out a long sigh. “Chris and I . . . we should have never gotten engaged.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” I nudged his shoulder and chuckled.

“I know, I know. When you’re over thirty, and all your friends are married and on their way to having children, you settle for what you can get. At least that’s what I did. It’s not something I’m proud of—at all. Did I ever tell you how he proposed? No getting down on one knee with some declaration of love. He slid the ring box across the table at The Clipper, shrugged, and said ‘so?’”

Jack shook his head and snickered. “And you said yes?” I nodded. “God, you’re an idiot.” I kicked him under the table, making him laugh harder. “In his defense, if the shrimp got down on one knee he would have come up to your ankle. Can’t fault the twerp for being small. For being a douchebag, sure.”

“And I know you didn’t like Coral either . . .”

“She carried her arrogant boney ass around like she was better than everyone. And personally, I thought she was jealous of you.”

“Jealous?” I narrowed my eyes at my cousin. I couldn’t imagine what she could be jealous about. Coral was beautiful and brilliant, and always loved to point out what was wrong with me and talk down to me, as though she was doing me a favor by being my friend.

“Cuz,” Jack put his hand on my shoulder. “If you only got your head out of your ass once in a while, you would see there are plenty of options out there besides what you let yourself settle for. Don’t blame the biological clock bullshit, either. You were always like this.”

I nodded. Since I was fifteen, my love life had been a train wreck. You would think it would have improved at some point. I’d accepted the fact I had perpetual bad luck.

“And if you actually looked around, you’d see guys interested in you besides the ones you end up with because you think you can’t do better.” Jack took a gulp from his coffee and raised his eyebrows at me. “Know how many fights I got into with my friends for saying stupid shit about you? A few of them used to drool. It was pathetic.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Yeah. I’m sure they drooled. As you’ve so eloquently pointed out, I make shitty decisions when it comes to men, so I think it’s a good idea to just be on my own for a bit. It’s not so bad; kind of freeing actually.

“As long as you don’t turn into the cat lady, I’m behind you one hundred percent.” Jack smirked at me.

“No cats, I promise. You look good today. How are you feeling?”

“Honestly, and I hate saying this out loud because I’ll jinx myself, I feel great. This drug seems to be working wonders. I’m not spending my day in a haze so I can actually function enough to work. Fuck knows if I’m going to grow gills or a second head, but as long as I feel like this, bring it on!” He would be the only one who could pull off gills like a champ.

Jack had an aggressive form of leukemia, and went through months of grueling chemotherapy. His doctor suggested an experimental drug when nothing else was working, and since then he’d made a fantastic turnaround. I hoped maybe the miracle we all begged God for had finally happened.

Jack furrowed his brow and turned serious. “I just want to see my baby. Any time after that is just gravy.” Before his treatment started, Ellie and Jack saw a fertility specialist to get pregnant right away, as the chemo would most likely make Jack sterile.

I nudged his shoulder. “Stop that! You’ll see the baby and be the pain in the ass father you were always meant to be.” I couldn’t handle it when Jack spoke like he may not be here for much longer. I wasn’t mature enough to discuss the ‘what if’s’ so I was determined to reside in denial. The possibility of living without my older twin scared the shit out of me. Jack was my rock, and I didn’t know how to function in a world without him.

Jack grabbed my wrist and opened his mouth to say something, most likely to lecture me once again about being prepared, when we were saved by a knock at the door.

“Excuse me for a second.” As Jack sauntered over to the door, I noticed he gained some weight back. It both relieved and delighted me to see his clothes not falling off his bony frame anymore.

“Hey man, I guess Ellie and I are the only ones who actually sleep in on Saturday mornings. Come on in.”

I almost choked on my bagel at the sight of the man strolling into the kitchen.

“Evan? Holy shit, is that you?” I stood up from my seat at the table and he scooped me up in a big hug.

Evan had been Jack’s best friend since in high school. But he looked . . . different now. The last time I saw Evan was at Jack’s wedding two years ago. He was always sort of tall and lanky with floppy dark hair, but now he had a buzz cut and was sure as hell not skinny anymore. The tight T-shirt he wore clung to every muscle and ridge in his sculpted torso. I’d been alone for so long, the veins that outlined Evan’s biceps made me salivate. With his hair not covering his face, his eyes really stood out. They were an odd color, not brown, not hazel—almost golden.

I needed to get hold of myself. Evan was practically extended family. I let myself ogle him for another second before I internally shook it off. I’d been single a little too long—maybe it was time for that rabbit thing my friends were always suggesting to me.

“Yep, it’s me. How long has it been? Two years? You look amazing!”

My hair was matted in a messy ponytail, and I had a drying sweat stain under my boobs. I doubted I looked anything close to amazing, or even presentable.

“Yeah, okay. Sweet of you to lie. How long will you be here?”

“I forgot to tell you,” Jack interrupted. “Evan is officially back in the Bronx and working with me. In fact, he moved just down the block. We actually get to see this loser in person all the time now.” Jack slapped Evan on the back. They’d been close friends for years, even after Evan moved away.

Jack owned his own flooring company. He’d learned the trade doing side jobs during college. After he graduated with a business degree, he put his heart and soul into opening Taylor’s Flooring. Jack was a force to be reckoned with, and I was so damn proud of him.

“Yeah, I get to bust his chops in person instead of just texting or calling. I was coming back from running and saw the lights on.”

“Since everyone I know is so into exercise, maybe I should give it a try. Although I just got used to sitting upright without wanting to throw up, I should probably pace myself.” Jack laughed at his own joke, but Evan and I shook our heads and looked away. Stupid humor was how my cousin usually dealt with any kind of tension, but it seemed Evan didn’t care for jokes about Jack being sick either.

“I better go wake Ellie up since we have a full house his morning. Excuse me.” Jack strolled down the hall to their bedroom.

“How’s he doing?” Evan grimaced at me as he leaned against the refrigerator.

I shrugged. “Lately, really well. They stopped the chemo but he seems to be responding well to this experimental treatment. Up until a couple of months ago, the best he could manage was propping himself up on the couch when I came over. Seeing him like this gives me hope.” I smiled as big as possible and pretended I didn’t dread the day Ellie told me Jack was bedridden again. With practice, I was getting really good at this denial thing.

Evan slid into a chair at the table and reached into the paper bag to dig out a bagel.

“Jack always seemed invincible to me. Even when we were kids.” Evan’s voice trailed off.

I squeezed the top of his hand. “Let’s hope he still is.” Evan’s gaze jerked up to mine. I’d meant the touch as a friendly gesture, but now it felt too forward. Our eyes locked, and Evan nodded slowly. Feeling an odd little spark, I yanked my hand off a little too quickly for it not to be awkward.

Had it been that long since I touched a man I wasn’t related to? I was sure I imagined that little moment. We were both feeling vulnerable. That’s all it was.

“So what’s going on with you? Jack told me you aren’t with Chris anymore.”

“No, we weren’t as serious as I thought we were. It’s been over for a few months now.”

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but even though I’d only met him a couple of times—I never liked that prick. And your friend always rubbed me the wrong way. What was her name, Seashell?”

I chuckled; I guessed Jack filled him in. “Coral. My friends and family were never crazy about either of them, but I didn’t know how much until they were both gone. I’m a little slow on the uptake, I guess.”

“Nah, you were too good for them both. Way too beautiful for him, that’s for sure.” Our eyes locked again, and I drew a blank as to what to say in reply. I’d known this guy for most of my life. Why was a simple conversation becoming so uncomfortable?

“Good morning, guys! Paige brought bagels? I told you she was my favorite Taylor!” Ellie ran over to me and kissed my forehead, then ravenously reached into the bag and pulled out two bagels. Jack was right about the new momma-to-be being hungry as a bear.

I loved Ellie. After she got serious with Jack, the little pixie became the sister I never had. They were a great couple—one who shouldn’t have to deal with all this sickness so young.

“I hope you guys took what you want because she’ll cut your hand off if you go in for another bagel,” Jack teased. Ellie nudged him with her elbow as she stuffed her face.

I stood up from my seat and grabbed my purse.

“I better get going. I’ll call you guys later—I promised Mom I’d stop by this morning.”

“So soon? You just got here!” Ellie was double fisting bagel halves as she pouted at me.

“Mom is a little more overbearing than usual. A visit will put off the guilt trips about not calling.” I gave her and Jack a quick kiss on the cheek as I headed for the door.

“You’re still coming to the barbecue next week right?” Ellie pleaded through a mouthful of bagel and cream cheese.

I nodded. “How can anyone start summer without your Memorial Day barbecue? Don’t worry I’ll be here.” I winked at her and turned to Evan.

“It was really good to see you, Evan.” Should I kiss him good-bye, too? We hugged hello, what was the big deal?

Evan rose from his seat at the table. He leaned in and planted a kiss on my cheek. His lips were soft and warm, and they lingered on my skin a little too long to be friendly, but not long enough to be inappropriate. I quietly sighed, as that kiss on the cheek was better than sex with Chris during the last two months of our relationship.

“See you soon,” Evan whispered in my ear. Every hair on my neck stood up. He gave me a sweet smile as he pulled away. I smiled and nodded in response as I made my way out.

What the hell was that?

“So really, he just kissed you on the cheek?”

“Yes.”

“And then what did you do?”

“Left.”

“And this is what has you so hot and bothered?”

I nodded, making my friend Natalie chuckle and shake her head. She’d been my best friend since elementary school. My real best friend. After the Coral-Chris debacle, I got back in contact with a few of my old friends that I’d lost touch with. We had a standing breakfast date at the diner on Sundays that I always looked forward to. Life was a lot nicer when you filled it with people who actually enjoyed your company.

“Yeah, you need the rabbit . . .”

I threw my napkin at her and tried to hold back a smile.

“That’s all you got? Really?”

“If you get a rabbit, he can play with Buster!” Natalie’s six-year-old daughter, Angelica, looked up from her coloring book with a huge grin. She was thinking of a much different rabbit. I was pretty sure her pet didn’t run on batteries.

“Maybe, Angelica. Keep coloring until your pancakes get here.” Natalie smirked at me from across the table.

I didn’t know why I was so thrown by one kiss on the cheek either. I’d known Evan since I was a teenager, but there was . . . something about him now. He was the first man that caught my interest in I couldn’t remember how long.

“It pisses me off that,”—she looked over at her daughter—“those two still get to you. I want to see you happy, or at least getting a little on a regular basis.”

“He’s Jack’s friend. What if I imagined the whole thing and it gets awkward each time I see him. And now he works with Jack, too.” I groaned, I wanted to see if there was the possibility of something with Evan, but was petrified of rejection. I’d been out of the game for a pretty long time. I didn’t even know how to approach him.

“You know what? If you did misread him, you’ll move past it and at least you can say you tried, right? And I’d like to see all grown up and hot Evan sometime.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

I sat back in my seat and rolled my eyes. “I’m sure Connor would love to hear you say that.”

“Hey, I’m married, not dead. You owe this to me. Let me live vicariously through you and your sexy time with a new boy toy.”

I chuckled at her. “So how do I do that? Just approach him and say ‘Listen, when you kissed me on the cheek, did you feel anything? Want to go out?’”

Natalie ran her fingers through her black, wavy hair and groaned. “For a pretty girl, you are all thumbs when it comes to men. You’re always at Jack’s. Next time Evan’s there just say ‘hey want to get a cup of coffee’ and take it from there.”

I took a deep breath. “Maybe I can ask Jack to speak to him, see if he thinks he’s interested—”

“Ooh good idea. Maybe he can pass him a note after social studies to see if he likes you! Ay, this is going to be an uphill battle with you, isn’t it?” I glared at Natalie as she put her face in her hands, but she was right. The waiter placed our food on the table as she let out a frustrated sigh.

“Go to Jack’s, ask Evan out for coffee, and figure it out from there. I’m pushing you out of the nest. Go!” She scowled and took a bite of her omelet.

“Hey, I thought that was you.” My head whipped to the side. Speak of the damn devil. Evan was standing next to our table. With a tight white T-shirt that hugged every delicious muscle in his upper arms, worn jeans that clung to all the right places, and a tool belt hanging low on his hips, he was even hotter than when I saw him at Jack’s house. I offered up a silent prayer to not make a complete fool of myself and openly drool over him yet again.

I swallowed my first bite of French toast whole so I could say hello. Smooth.

“Hey Evan, not sure if you remember my friend Natalie. This is her daughter Angelica.”

“Hi!” Angelica greeted Evan while chewing on a piece of bacon. Her mother’s eyebrows shot upward towards the ceiling. I had to bite my lip not to laugh.

“I definitely remember Evan. Nice to see you again.” Her voice dropped down to a husky low, the “cute boy” tone she used with guys she liked when we were sixteen. Just like back then, she had tons more game than I did.

“Sure, nice to see you.” Evan gave her a friendly smile. Shit, were those dimples?

“Daisy, is he your boyfriend?” Angelica asked innocently. I grimaced at Natalie, now laughing with her head down and obviously enjoying the hell out of watching me squirm.

Evan’s mouth turned up in a smirk as he turned to me. “Daisy?”

“Angelica couldn’t say Paige when she was a baby, so she called me Paigy, and then Paigy turned to Daisy. The name stuck as she got older.” I gave Angelica a wink and she giggled.

“Hmm, Daisy.” Evan said to himself as he stroked his jaw. He had a scruffy but really effing sexy one-day beard. I tried to keep my gaze on his face and not let my eyes wander lower. My cousin’s formerly geeky best friend was gorgeous now, I couldn’t believe the difference two years had made.

Ridiculous. This was Evan, for God’s sake—no need to get so damn flustered. Jack was one hundred percent right: I needed to get back out there. I had to lose this awkwardness I had around human beings with a penis.

“Daisy suits you.” Evan nodded at me.

I huffed at him. “Suits me? I look like I date a duck who doesn’t wear pants?”

Evan threw his head back and laughed. Why was every move he made now so damn sexy?

“No.” He chuckled. “Daisies were my mom’s favorite flower. She used to say that roses were a little obnoxious, but daisies were beautiful without showing off—and they made everything prettier just by being in the room.” That was the second time he’d said I was beautiful—not that I was keeping track or anything.

“Oh. That’s really sweet, Evan. Thank you.” I could’ve sworn there was a slight rosy blush on his cheeks as he looked away. The humbleness made him even sexier.

Good lord, this was getting worse by the minute.

Natalie loudly cleared her throat, pulling me away from the distracting impure thoughts that ran through my head.

“Are you guys doing a job here?” I was so glad he was here to take the pressure off Jack. Sure, he felt better these days, but he lost a lot of business when he was really sick. Evan was a good guy he could trust, so even though his presence made me a blubbering oversexed idiot, I was happy he was here to help.

“Yeah, the owner asked Jack for an estimate to replace some of the linoleum in the back rooms. I told him I’d come by this morning and check it out.”

“Oh good. I’m so glad you’re here to help him out.”

“Well, I’m his partner now, so I have an interest in new business, too.”

Partner? Jack always made it clear he liked being his own boss and never wanted a partner. I had a feeling this was one of his ‘just in case’ plans I never wanted to hear about. I didn’t doubt Evan had good intentions, but it saddened me that Jack felt he had to share the dream he wanted for himself.

“Jack mentioned you were coming by tomorrow to go over some work you did. I’d love to see what you have. What time do you think you’ll be there? I’ll make sure I’m in the office.” Jack had asked me to make a new sign for the front window. I always made everything he needed for promotion or advertising. I was a graphic designer at an ad agency, but was lucky enough to work remotely. Freelance work was easy to get and maintain with my schedule.

Now Evan would be approving the work I did for Jack? Did Jack make him partner because he was eventually planning to give Evan his company? It was time to pull up my big girl pants and ask my cousin what the hell was going on.

“I have a meeting in the city in the morning, so I figured about noon?”

“Perfect!” He waved to the owner in the back. “I better get to this. Nice to see you, Natalie, Angelica, Daisy.” Evan turned to me with a sly grin.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Cute. I guess I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” He strolled away, and Natalie sucked in her teeth.

“Wow. He looks just as good going as he does coming, although you’ll have to tell me for sure about that one.” She gave me a wink and laughed, but I was too agitated to join in.

“I need to talk to Jack. He never said a thing about Evan being his partner now. I don’t like this, Natalie. I need to know what’s going on.”

She put her hand on top of mine and gave me a sad smile. “Honey, you’re a smart girl. You know what’s going on.”

“Well, I still want him to tell me.”

“I know. I think you both need to talk.” She squeezed my hand. “But, that boy,” She pointed her thumb in Evan’s direction. “He is definitely interested. He’s not a jerk, which may take some getting used to on your part . . . just a nice guy who just so happens to have a body of sin. Go to their office tomorrow, talk to Jack, and then see what happens with Evan. Take a chance, Paige.”

I let out a long sigh, I didn’t feel like arguing about it anymore. “Fine, I’ll feel him out and see what happens.”

“Feel him out, or up. Both could be fun.” I laughed and tried to ignore the building tension in my chest.

I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that things were about to change. And I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like it.