Текст книги "Ever Enough"

Автор книги: Stacy Borel

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Текущая страница: 17 (всего у книги 18 страниц)

I drove away from Finn’s house with my two boxes, a broken heart, and a new outlook on life. Heading out of town I hit the interstate heading east, and it didn’t take long for my cell phone to start going off.

“Em, where the hell are you? Ky said you were with Finn, but I called him and he said you left twenty minutes ago.”

“I left Harper.”

“Okay, well do you want me to pick something up for dinner? We can talk about how it went seeing Finn again.”

This was going to be harder than I thought.

“No, I mean I left.” I paused giving her a second to catch up. “I’m not coming home.”

She was quiet.

“Are you still there?”

“What the hell do you mean you aren’t coming home? What’s going on Emilyn?” She was getting worked up.

I sighed. “I’m not trying to be rude or mean Harper, I just think it’s time I had a fresh start. So many places in that town have a memory attached to them. I can hardly turn a corner without remembering something Finn and I shared, or being reminded of my son.”

“Where are you going?”

“Honestly, I don’t know yet. I’m going to head east and probably try someplace warmer than it is here.” The cold didn’t help my mood.

“How long are you going to be gone?” She sounded sad.

I shrugged my shoulders but realized she couldn’t see me. “I don’t know, a while I think.”

“Did something happen while you were with Finn today? If he did something to you I swear to god I’ll remove his nuts through a pinhole!”

I laughed. “God Harper, you’re so violent! No nothing happened, not really.”

I didn’t feel the need to go into detail with her about Finn and I making love, or even our conversation after it.

“Well, is there anything that I can do? Are you planning on calling me, or telling me where you’re at?”

Tears were at the surface again, and I was so tired of crying today.

“Yeah actually there is. Could you tell my parents for me? Let them know that I’ll call them when I find a place to stay. And as for you, of course I’ll call you! But you have to swear to me that you won’t tell Ky or Finn where I’m at. I need to do this and learn to live on my own. I can’t do that if either one of them comes knocking on my door.” I paused again. “And Harper…?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you. I couldn’t have made it through any of this without you. I’m sorry I’m just leaving you high and dry but I know you would have talked me out of it if I’d stayed to say goodbye.”

She chuckled and sniffled into the phone. “Maybe.”

“Listen, I don’t know when I’ll call again, but give me a couple of days and I’ll get in touch, okay?” I said softly.

“Please take care of yourself Em. A girl can go psycho and massacre the whole male population and its hookers if she goes without her best friend for too long.”

I laughed.

“I will. Love you Harp!”

“Love you to.”

Hanging up the phone I set it in the center console and continued my trip east. I felt free; nothing to hold me back but myself. I let go of every bit of my hurt and pain with each mile that took me further from my home town. Cranking up my radio, I put my shades on and started my new life.

I stopped at two small, off the map motels on my way down to Florida. At each of them I couldn’t help but think of Harper’s face and how disgusted she would have been at the décor. But as I was exhausted and only cared about a place to lay my head, a five star hotel wasn’t a priority. I tried my hardest not to think about Finn and the fact that he probably wouldn’t approve of the places I chose either, but his reasons would be because they probably weren’t the safest. Each night though, I locked the doors and slide the safety chain in to place.

I hadn’t intended on going to Florida when I began my road trip. In fact I’d thought Georgia sounded nice. But I came to a fork where the highway split, one way taking me to the east and the other taking me to the south, and so went right and headed south. I drove all along the Florida panhandle waiting for a town that just ‘felt right’. When I drove in to a town called Seagrove Beach, I decided to stop—I mean who wouldn’t want to live in a place named Seagrove Beach? As I pulled into the little seaside town, I saw it had a handful of little tourist shops and not a single stop light. A cute café sat directly off the beach so I decided to pull in and get some lunch. I sat down at a table with an umbrella to shade me from the sun, and my waiter came and took my drink order. After ordering an iced tea with lemon, I sat back and looked out at the water. A girl could get lost out in those waves. Perfect! This place was going to be perfect.

“Ma’am, have you decided what you’d like to eat?” The cute, young waiter asked, setting down my tea.

“Can I ask you a question?”

He took up straight and grinned. He was cute, in a young school boy way. Tall, tanned skin, light hazel eyes, and short brown hair, but definitely still a kid.

“Ask away!” He said.

“Do you know where I could find a rental house around here?” I inquired.

“Actually, there’s a bulletin board inside that you can take a look at. The local people pin all of their ads on it. But if you are looking for something a little bit out from town, I know someone that just finished a remodel of a nice two bedroom right on the beach.”

This kid was going to be more help than I could have wished for.

“That sounds great! Do you have their contact number?”

He went back inside the café to put my order in, and came back out with a piece of paper with a number and the name Reece on it. The waiter flirted a bit longer, which I found flattering considering I was probably ten years older than he was, before I got up; leaving him a very large tip. Getting back in my car, I pulled out the paper with the number and hit send on my phone. It rang three times before I man answered. I don’t know why but I’d assumed the name Reece was a girl’s name, so I was a bit shocked to hear a deep voice on the other end.

“Oh, um yes, I’m calling because I was given your number. I’m looking for a place to rent and I was told you might have something on the beach?” This was a first for me. I’d never had to make any calls to find a place to live.

The voice cleared his throat, “Yes actually, I do. I have a little house that just became available. I’m asking a bit more for it because I just did a bunch of work. I would normally place it as a weekly vacation rental, but if you want it for longer than a few weeks, we could work out a price.”

When I’d started this trip, I made the decision to take advantage of my divorce money. Harper had been right. It wasn’t ‘blood money’, it was money that I deserved. Money that—no matter how I obtained it—was still mine. It wasn’t going to be doing me any favors sitting in a bank account accumulating interest, so I decided that I would use it to get my life back on track. West owed me that, since he took so much from me. I had enough to ensure that if I never wanted to work again, I wouldn’t have too.

“The price shouldn’t be an issue. Do you mind if I come take a look?” I asked.

“Feel free. When do you need it?” Reece asked.

“Well, if everything goes well and I like it, would I be able to have it this evening? I just came into town and I don’t have a place to stay yet.”

“I thought that’s what you were going to say. It’s fully furnished and ready to go, so I don’t see that being a problem.”

“Perfect!” I was smiling.

Reece said he was free right then and gave me the address. Putting it in the GPS I made my way out to the little home. Although, that wouldn’t exactly be accurate. The instant I pulled in to the long winding driveway, I fell in love. I never thought I’d find willow trees in Florida, but here they were, lining the drive up to the house; their branches sagging down towards the ground. They were my favorite trees. If trees could look peaceful, then this is what they would look like. As I drove through the weeping branches that shaded the gravel road, I saw a house up ahead that was shingled in a light blue color. It screamed ‘beach house’. I got out of the car and looked at the house, which could more accurately be described as a cottage. There was a wraparound porch that had a small stair case leading up to the front door. Wicker chairs had been strategically placed all the way around the porch so whoever vacationed here could sit outside under the shaded roof and read a book, have their morning coffee, or just sit and watch the ocean.

Just then a gentleman came out of the front screened porch with a wide, welcoming smile. He approached me with his hand extended.

“Emilyn I assume?”

I took a hold of his offered hand. “Yes, you must be Reece.” I smiled just as big as he was.

I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, but Reece was an older man with white hair and crystal clear blue eyes. He wasn’t much taller than me, but his smile and gentle handshake made me feel at ease.

He gestured toward the house. “Go ahead and take a look around. I don’t mean to be rude, but I have some phone calls to make. I’ll be right outside if you have any questions.”

I nodded and made my way up the stairs. The salty air felt good in my lungs. It was fresh and invigorating. Walking through the screen door, I was greeted by an open living area. It was large and airy. Rattan furniture with tropical colors furnished the living room. My eyes darted around and took in the space. The only thing I couldn’t see was a television, which was fine because I didn’t want to waste my time on TV. Off to the left was a semi-large kitchen that was open to the living room, making the space look even bigger. Tile floor lead the way down a hall off to the right. Three separate doors at the end indicated the two bedrooms and probably a bathroom. I didn’t bother going in to look; I didn’t need to because I was already in love with the house. What I really wanted to see was what was through the sliding glass door leading to the deck and the beach. When I got outside I stood on the seafoam green decking and looked out over the beach. I didn’t have a neighbor in sight. I swear you could see for miles on either side. It would just be me out here, which was just what I needed. Deciding to give Reece whatever he was asking for the place, I made my way back outside and found him on the phone, leaning against his car. When he saw me approach he ended his call and asked me what I thought.

“I love it! You’ve done a great job on it! How much?”

“I’m glad you like it. I’m asking fifteen hundred a month and we can do a month to month lease if you need it.”

I nodded and he took out all the papers that I needed to sign. When all was done and taken care of, I thanked him and he told me where I could find a grocery store in town. Walking back out on the back porch I slipped off my shoes and decided to go for a walk on the beach. Stepping on to on the soft white sand, I took a deep breath in and let it out, releasing the tension that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I made it out to the edge of the water and a wave came up over the top of my feet. It was like lukewarm bath water. I stood there taking in my surroundings. It was quiet except for the water washing in and then receding back out. My feet were slowly getting covered in sand with every wave that hit them. I could easily lose myself out here in this scenery. The water was a beautiful transparent aqua blue. The heat of the sun beat down on my face and shoulders and saturated my skin. Pulling my feet out of the sand, I turned back towards the house and figured I’d probably better go back into town and get some food for the next few days. It was time to learn how to cook meals for one. That thought made me sad but I pushed it away, telling myself that this would be good for me. I needed to call my parents and Harper and let them know where I was so they didn’t worry any longer than I was sure they already had.

Two months later…

“Guys thanks so much for coming out here tonight. Not that listening to the ocean waves ever gets old… it can just get a little lonely sometimes.”

I’d invited Reece and Grant over for a cookout. Over the past couple of months, I’d become friends with Reece. It turned out that he was a single father and the waiter at the café—Grant—was his son. They were both so kind to me. If I ever needed anything, one or both of them would come help me out. I had no doubt it was fate that I met these two. Their company filled some of the many hours that I was alone in this house.

During my first two weeks here, I’d considered getting a part time job just to keep me busy. But I quickly squashed that because that hadn’t been the purpose of me leaving everything behind. I wanted to know what it was like to be on my own and live my life for myself and nobody else. I knew that most would think that would include working, but I needed to force the quiet on myself. I needed to teach myself that I was okay alone, that to do things because I wanted to do them, and not because it was expected of me. I cooked meals that I wanted to eat, cleaned the house when I wanted, read books on my own schedule and I didn’t have to work around whenever other people. It felt very freeing, but deep in my soul I missed taking care of someone. I’d learned quite a bit about myself already. For one thing, I’m definitely a people person. I enjoy cooking for others and I missed looking forward to someone coming home. And those little annoying messes? Well, they were still annoying, but it pleased me to take care of them.

Sitting back in my chair on the patio, it creaked as I relaxed.

Reece smiled at me. “Oh you don’t have to thank us. You’re one of the best cooks we have around here. Maybe you should open your own place?”

Grant rubbed his belly, as if the six-pack I’d seen out on the beach earlier today was protruding.

“No kidding. That was the best steak I’d ever eaten. You could put any man to shame on a grill.”

We all laughed. Making more small talk, the boys started to get up and make their way to the door. Hugging both of them, they got in their car and left while I stood there watching them. Back in the kitchen, I went to the refrigerator and pulled out the single cupcake I’d bought earlier at the store. I didn’t tell Reece and Grant that the reason I’d invited them over was because it was my birthday. I had officially turned thirty. Grabbing a lighter, I sat at the table and lit the solitary candle. Then I closed my eyes and made a wish. I wished for the very first thing that popped into my head…

Finn.

I missed him. The amount of times I’d thought of him while living here could have filled the ocean behind my house. I wanted to know how he was, what he was doing. I wondered if he’d moved on? Did he hate me for leaving? There had been many nights when I’d cried myself to sleep because I longed to be with him. Not that I regretted a single second of my time out here living on this beach. I had let the ocean water wash away the pain of losing my child, and love that was no longer. The truth was that what Finn and I’d had died a long time ago. When he lied to me it sealed our fate and that any chance of us being together was more than dead—it was buried. But I’d also made peace with him. In doing so, I began to love him in a new, deeper way than I had ten years ago.

What helped me wake up every morning was the rising of the sun. It reminded me that each day was a new chance to start over. Opening my eyes I blew out my candle. I was about to take a bite out of my cupcake when someone knocked on the front door. I looked around thinking maybe Reece or Grant had left something, but I couldn’t see anything belonging to them. Another knock came at the door.

“I’m coming!” I said loudly.

When I pulled the door open I wasn’t expecting the person I found on the other side.

“Bitch, you better not be answering the door while you’re coming. That’s something you don’t share with others.” She smiled widely at me.

“Oh my god Harper!” I pushed the screen door open and flung myself at her.

We hugged and held each other tightly. I cried and sobbed, and she did the same.

“What are you doing here?” I said sniffling and pulling back to look at her.

“You didn’t actually think I was going to let you spend your birthday alone did you?”

I cried a bit more, hugging her again. “I’ve missed you so much! Oh god, I’m being rude. Come in!”

I let her go and we both walked inside.

“Wow, look at this place. No wonder you haven’t come home!”

I smiled at her. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice. You want to sit down?”

“I do, but only if you quit being so formal with me.”

“Done.”

She smirked. “Are you going to offer me anything to drink?”

“Get it yourself, kitchens behind you.”

Harper burst out laughing. She got up and grabbed a glass of water and came to sit back down.

“So, how’s my birthday girl?”

“Good. I went for a jog this morning down the beach, read a book earlier, and just had a cookout with some friends.” I replied.

“Any of these friends male?”

“As a matter of fact both of them are, but it isn’t like that at all.”

She raised her eyebrow. “Em, have I taught you nothing? If they have a penis and they are good to you it is more than certainly like that.”

I shook my head grinning. “Not unless one other is old enough to be your Dad, and the other is his son.”

Her face dropped. “Who in the hell have you been hanging out with Em?”

This made me giggle. “They’re good people. Reece owns the house, and Grant is his son.”

She nodded.

“So how are you?” I asked her.

“Pretty good. Business is booming right now since summer is around the corner. Everybody wants to sell their house.”

“That’s great! But what about Ky? Are you able to spend any time with him?”

“Ky’s been distracted with work and he’s been flying back and forth a lot. Even when he’s actually in Idaho, I don’t get to see him much.” She said.

I was confused. “Why is he flying back and forth?”

She looked down at her hands. “That’s part of the reason I came out here Em. Finn’s selling the house. He moved back to California.”

My stomach sank. “I guess that’s a good thing.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s not like I could expect him to stay in that little town waiting for me for figure my shit out. He has a life to live too.”

I put on a brave face but deep down I was hurt. If he had moved back to California, did that mean he’d given up on me? I was being selfish. I didn’t want him to wait for me, but I didn’t want him to move on either.

“He’s miserable Em. He’s been miserable since the day you left, and we tried everything to get him to snap out of it. Ky figured that not being in that house and some California sun might cheer him up. The guy even grew a beard and he started to smell funky.” She made a face. “Anyway, he left town a few weeks ago and asked me to list the house.”

“Does he seem to be doing better in California?” I felt terrible for hoping he wasn’t.

“Other than finally showering everyday, Ky said he’s about the same.”

My eyes welled up with tears.

“It’s my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. You had to take care of yourself before you could take care of anyone else.”

“I can’t stand the idea of him being miserable Harper.” The first of my tears hit my cheeks.

“What about you? Are you miserable?”

I had to think about that. Everything that I’d wanted to learn living on my own had happened, but when she asked me like that, I realized I was miserable. I missed Finn so much that I could hardly think of anything else during the day.

“Yes.” I sobbed.

She came over and put her hand on my back, rubbing it back and forth.

“Then go to him Em. Why are you sitting here in this beautiful beach house, unable to really enjoy it because the love of your life is clear across the country?”

“You are such a closet romantic Harper.”

“Don’t tell anyone. It’ll ruin my reputation.” We sat there for a moment in silence. “Well…”

“Well what?” I was wiping my eyes.

“What are you waiting for? Go pack a bag and get the hell out of here. Lover boy will probably keel over when he sees you!”

“But you just got here.”

“Pshh… I’m going to stay here if you don’t mind. I could take a couple of vacation days. Besides, if your pale ass can get a tan like that, I’m not going anywhere!”

“Wait! What if he doesn’t want to see me anymore? I don’t know if I could stomach it if he slammed the door in my face.” Just thinking about it made me want to be sick.

“Em, the guy loves you. He’s going to be so happy to see you that I wouldn’t be surprised if he strips you naked right then and there.”

Maybe she was right? I had to take a chance. It was Finn. And even if he loved me only a fraction of what he used to, I’d take it. I laughed and hugged her again. Kissing her on the cheek I jumped up and headed to my room yelling down the hall at her.

“You are seriously the greatest friend anybody could ask for.”

“I know!” she yelled back.

Belch!

I burped and Ky started waving his hand in front of his face.

“Oh my god that stinks. What did you eat, a baby diaper?”

I would have normally laughed but I couldn’t. “I’m a guy, you live with me… get over it.”

“Listen douchebag, you’re going to have to snap out of this…” He waved his hands in the air, “well whatever it is, soon because it’s getting old fast. Maybe we should have a party here or something. I could get a keg and invite a bunch of girls over.”

I really didn’t want a party. It wasn’t like we were still college kids, but maybe he was right. Being around people might help me get my mind off of the girl that walked away from me. I’d put everything off, including work. If I didn’t get my shit together soon, the record label would release me from my contract. The songs I’d been writing were terrible.

“Fine. But give me an hour to get ready, would ya?” I said getting up from the couch.

“No problem. I’m going to run into town and get the keg.”

“Hey wait a second! What about Harper? Won’t she be pissed at you for inviting chicks over?”

He turned, his eyes looking a bit lost.

“Yeah, about that… I’m not sure that’s going to work out. She’s too busy with work.”

I looked at him a second longer. “Sorry man. You two seemed good together.”

He shrugged, turned and walked out; essentially ending our conversation. Not that guys sit around talking about their emotions, but Kyler was my best friend and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he was madly in love with Harper. She’d always had commitment issues, but hopefully she hadn’t royally fucked this one up.

I ended up taking a long hot shower, my muscles relaxing under the water. Em had been gone for a few months now and I still didn’t know what to do with myself. When she came back into my life, it had just confirmed that she was the only woman I’d ever love. I knew that there were a lot of people out there who were capable of loving more than one person, but I also knew that I wasn’t one of them. I was either going to be with her, or I’d be alone forever. A depressing thought considering I didn’t even know where she was.

I’d begged Harper and Em’s parents to tell me where I could find her but none of them would budge. I’d even hoped that Harper might spill the beans to Ky, but she was too smart for that. My best friend would crack with very little pressure and a bucket of KFC and being well aware of this fact, Harper had chosen to keep him out of the loop as well as me.

Getting out of the shower, I stood in front of the mirror and smeared on the shaving cream. I had grown a beard but ended up shaving it off after a month. Ky was scared I was harboring bugs in there and he refused to let me in the house unless I got rid of it. He’s such a pussy. One small spider and he was on top of the kitchen table.

Shaved clean and a towel still around my hips, I walked back to my bedroom. The doorbell rang before I had a chance to put my shirt on. I got my wallet off the side table in the living room and headed for the door. I didn’t think Ky had ordered the keg just yet, but there was always the chance it could be some overzealous delivery boy, hoping for a bigger tip.

When I opened the door, my mind went blank. I couldn’t understand why my eyes were seeing Em standing in front of me. I reached up and rubbed my eyes. Nope, still there. What the hell? I wasn’t even drunk yet.

“Hi Finn.” She spoke so softly, and her voice was sweeter than in my dreams.

Jesus, she really was here. But why? Did it even matter why? She looked like a blonde goddess. Her hair had grown even longer, and the blonde waves cascaded over her shoulder. Her skin was golden and the darker tone made her eyes appear a brilliant blue. Even so she still looked like my Tiny Girl. I realized that she was still standing there in front of me and I had yet to say a single word to her. Talk to her you asshole.

“Emilyn,” My voice came out shocked. “What are you doing here?”

She didn’t answer me right away. Her eyes traveled the length of my body and back up again. She seemed to be thinking something over and then she gulped.

“Ask me again.” she whispered.

I was confused. Ask her what again?

“What?”

She took a deep breath and repeated herself. “The question you asked me before I left… ask me again.”

I searched through my fogged brain and then it hit me. I’d proposed to her. She’d said no, so why would she want me to ask… oh my god.

Her eyes lit up, sparkling as she saw the realization on my face. She smiled at me and gave me a slight head nod.

I stepped forward and took a hold of her waist, bringing her body flush with mine. Brushing her hair back from her shoulder I cleared my throat.

“Marry me Em? I’m a worthless man without you in my life. I love you, so marry me.”

Her smile got even wider and I saw her pulse thrum in her throat. “Oh thank god. I was worried you were going to close the door in my face.”

“Em.” I kissed the tip of her nose.

“Hmmm?”

“Are you going to answer me?”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry! I totally forgot with my nerves and all. Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course I’ll marry you Finn!”

I picked her up and swung her around, her feet dangling behind her. She giggled.

“Pinch me because this has got to be a dream! Where have you been the past two months?”

She nipped at my ear and it turned me on.

“Florida.”

“Well that explains the tan. But why Florida?”

“Because it’s warm.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“Yep, pretty much!” She said laughing. I chuckled and reveled in the sound.

Then she murmured, “Can we talk later? I need you… like now!”

More than happy to oblige, I wrapped her legs around my waist and carried my Tiny Girl—my fiancée—inside and took her to bed.